Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Neal looked up in surprise when he saw his godson come into his office. “Hey, what are you doing here? Your dad is not here. He has a meeting at the bank.”
His godson looked back at him and just shrugged. “I know. I wanted to talk to you. If you have a minute, that is.”
Neal eyed his younger namesake and could see a tension in him that he wasn’t used to. Usually the teenager was pretty laid-back and relaxed as only teenagers could be. This tension was not something Neal had seen in him before. “Is everything okay?” He couldn’t help but ask.
These days he didn’t see Neal nearly as often anymore as he used to in the past. The boy had just turned 17 and pretty much had his own life now. With school, his baseball practices and games and his friends, he was as busy as only teenagers could be. And now that he didn’t need his mom or dad to drive him around and keep an eye on him any longer, he rarely came to the CSC offices anymore, but would just hop on the subway after school and head home by himself.
Of course they still saw each other occasionally at their normal weekly dinners, but more often than not, Neal would be out with his friends these days instead of joining his parents and their friends for dinner.
“I am not keeping you from something important, am I?” The boy asked, as he slowly walked over to Neal’s desk and the chairs in front of it.
“Of course not,” Neal assured him, giving him one of his most blinding smiles. “You know I always have time for you. And if I don’t, I will make the time.”
Neal Burke just nodded, then flopped down in one of the chairs. “Thanks.”
“So, to what do I owe this surprise visit?” Neal asked, when his godson didn’t offer anything else and just looked at the hands in his lap instead.
His younger namesake shrugged. “It’s been a while since we last talked.”
“That it has been,” Neal agreed. “You missed a couple of family dinners.” Realizing how that might have sounded, he immediately added. “Not that I blame you. As a 17-year old I probably would have had more fun things to do than spend time with my parents and their friends, too.”
“I wasn’t trying to avoid you ,” Neal Burke said quietly and the way he had said that made Neal frown.
“So, you were trying to avoid someone?”
The boy shrugged. “You know that Dad and I haven’t been getting along great in recent months.”
Neal sighed and nodded. How could he not know? It was pretty much all Peter talked about. How Neal was being totally unreasonable and wouldn’t listen to anything Peter or El told him. And remembering the conversation that Neal had had with his godson on New Year’s Eve just a couple of months ago, he knew that Neal pretty much thought the same about his dad. “That bad, huh?”
“If Mom would let him, he would probably lock me up in my room 24/7, only letting me out for school and baseball practice,” the boy huffed.
“Is he still on your back about your grades? I thought your grades were good,” Neal replied quietly.
The boy shrugged. “Everything that’s not a straight A is a sign that I am heading down a very dangerous path. Like he never had a B in any test or class in his life.”
“High expectations can be hard to live up to,” Neal offered. “What can I do to help?”
He knew that he had offered his help before. And he had tried to talk Peter down a couple of times when he had complained about his son being what Neal thought was a perfectly normal teenager. Neal had pointed out that Peter should see it as a good thing that Neal was not off somewhere doing drugs or getting drunk or committing crimes. Instead it looked like he spent most of his time with Theo playing computer games or with some mates from his baseball team doing whatever it was teenagers did these days.
“Do you think it would be okay if I spent the weekend here?”
That request surprised Neal. It had been a couple of years since Neal had last spent a weekend with them at their place. These days if Peter and Elizabeth had to leave town, the boy usually just stayed on his own and Peter made Neal, Sara, Diana and Jones promise to keep a close eye on the house and the boy. Which they always did and so far Neal had never burned down the Burkes’ family home. And there hadn’t been any forbidden parties either.
“You mean in the loft upstairs?” Neal wondered.
“If it’s not too much hassle,” the boy muttered. “I just thought maybe we could spend some time together. Talk some more. If it’s not too much of a bother.”
“Hey, you know you’re always welcome to stay with us. It’s no hassle or bother. I was just surprised because it has been quite some time since you last stayed over here.”
The boy nodded. “Yeah, it has been and… I don’t know…I think I just need a bit of a break from Dad and I thought it would be nice.”
Neal smiled. “Yeah, I would like that. If you can deal with Amelia and Benji that is. They will be all over you if you stay here with us.”
The boy now smiled. “Yeah, I can deal with that. I have missed them. It’s been a while since I have spent some quality time with them.”
“Only one way to rectify that,” Neal winked.
***
Three days later, Neal stood in the doorway to the loft and smiled at the scene in front of him. Neal Burke buried under a pile of limbs that belonged to Amelia and Benji.
They had been excited when they had heard that Neal would stay over and spend the weekend with them and ever since the boy had arrived two hours ago after his latest baseball game, they had not moved an inch away from his side.
Thankfully Neal had been a good sport about it and had played with them, allowing for them to use him as their personal mattress.
“Stop!” Amelia cried out happily in between bouts of giggling as Neal tickled her.
“You started,” Neal just told her, giving her an evil smile. “You tickled me first.”
Benji just squealed happily when Neal’s other hand now came for him, too, and started tickling his chest.
“You guys look like you’re having fun,” Neal commented at that point, stepping into the loft, deciding to save his godson from his kids.
“Daddy!” Benji called out happily. “Daddy!”
“Yeah, I am right here, buddy. You guys okay?” Neal asked, laughing at the pile of limbs in front of him on the floor.
“Neal is mean, Daddy,” Amelia announced then.
“You tickled me first,” Neal just said once more, giving her a look.
“Did you?” Her father just asked her and when she nodded rather guiltily a few seconds later, he smiled. “I had a feeling.” He then leaned down and picked up Benji, holding out his free hand to Amelia, helping her get up as well. “Come on, let’s give Neal a bit of a break. Mommy prepared some iced tea for everyone downstairs.”
“And a snack?” Amelia asked hopefully.
Neal grinned at her. “Of course.”
“Mommy!” Benji exclaimed happily, trying to get out of Neal’s arms now.
“We’ll go downstairs together,” Neal told the excited toddler, as he let him back down onto the floor, but continued to hold his hand, so he couldn’t just make a run for the stairs. Now that Benji was crawling like a champ and had started to walk a few weeks ago as well, he was in constant danger of breaking his neck if his parents didn’t keep a close eye on him.
Amelia was already on her way down the stairs and Benji clearly wanted to follow her. Neal smiled at his kids, then turned to his godson on the floor once more. “There’s also coffee and a snack for you, if you want. But if you’d rather have a few minutes to yourself, I could just bring something upstairs.”
His godson immediately shook his head. “No, I can just come downstairs myself.”
“I know they can be quite a handful,” Neal offered with an apologetic smile. “You know, you don’t have to entertain them like that. It’s okay to say no to them and to tell them to leave you alone for a bit.”
Now his younger namesake shook his head once more. “No, this is great. I really missed them. I almost forgot how much fun it is to spend time with them.”
The boy then stood up as well and followed his godfather and Benji downstairs to the kitchen where Sara had prepared some coffee for the adults and iced tea for her children.
They all enjoyed some cronuts that Neal had bought earlier, declaring that they all deserved them on such a special occasion as Neal staying over.
The rest of the afternoon was spent taking Amelia and Benji to the park and playground and Neal had marveled at the patience his godson had shown when Amelia and Benji had demanded his attention and company over and over.
His poor godson hadn’t even gotten a rest after dinner when Amelia had single-handedly decided that she wanted Neal to do her bedtime routine with her instead of her mommy or daddy.
“You do it all the time with me,” she had told her parents patiently, but firmly. “But Neal is only here today. You can do it again tomorrow.”
Once both Caffrey children were finally in bed, Neal gave his wife a kiss, then went to join his godson upstairs in the loft. He had asked him earlier if they could talk once the kids were in bed and it was a bit more quiet. “Hey,” Neal announced his presence, finding the boy sitting at the dining table, texting someone. “I can come back later if you’re busy.”
The teenager looked up from his mobile, then typed some more, before he put it away. “No, it’s okay.”
Seeing the cagey expression on his godson’s face, Neal had to smile. “Looks like it might have been important.” Secret girlfriend was his guess.
“Nah, not important.”
When he realized that that was all the reply he was going to get, Neal sat down at the dining table as well. “Thanks for helping with Amelia and Benji like that. They really enjoyed having you here.”
The boy now smiled widely and Neal was relieved to see that it was an honest smile. “I enjoyed spending time with them. They are great.”
“They are,” Neal agreed with a smile. “So, are you going to tell me why you’re spending your Saturday evening here with us and two overexcited children instead of out on the town with your friends?”
“It’s been way too long since I last spent time with them,” the teenager shrugged.
“Come on, Neal. It’s me. What is really going on? You said you wanted to talk, so talk…,” Neal urged his godson gently. When he saw the boy start to tense, he sighed softly. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
The teenager sighed, but then nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
“So, what is this really about?” Neal gently asked. “Not that we’re not happy to have you stay over, but why now?”
“There is something I have to tell you,” the boy admitted. “It’s just…,” he then sighed. “I haven’t told anyone else yet and…it’s hard.”
Neal eyed his godson in concern. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.” He then looked at him encouragingly. “And you know that I am the last person to judge, so…”
The boy nodded. Yes, he knew that. Which was one of the reasons why he had wanted to talk to Neal. He knew that Neal wouldn’t judge. Neal never judged anyone. He always said that he had no right to judge anyone else and while many adults said so, Neal was the only person Neal Burke knew, who really didn’t judge. He listened, he offered advice - when it was asked for - but he never judged or interfered. Not like his dad.
“Remember when we talked on New Year’s Eve?” He then asked.
Neal nodded. It had been a couple of months since New Year’s Eve, but of course he remembered their conversation then.
“When I told you that there was something but that it was nothing to be worried about?” He went on, making Neal frown.
“Yeah, I remember. You told me you couldn’t tell me then,” Neal said.
“Yeah,” the boy sighed. “I think… I think I am ready now.”
“Okay,” Neal nodded, looking at him patiently. “Hit me with it.”
“I…I have been seeing someone. For a while now,” the boy admitted.
Neal nodded. “Okay, that’s great.” Seeing his godson’s less than enthusiastic reaction, he frowned. “It is, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, it is,” the boy nodded quickly.
“You don’t look very happy,” Neal noted, eying the boy intently.
“I am,” he said and seeing his godfather’s doubtful look, he went on. “I am. Really. It’s been great. It’s just…”
“It’s just what?” Neal wondered. “You know you can tell me.”
The boy sighed. “I just know that when Mom and Dad find out they won’t be happy…And…I don’t want to disappoint them, but I know they will be…”
“Why would they be? They will be happy for you. I know your dad always teases you about what happened with that girl with the locker way back when, but you’re not going to break into any lockers now, are you?” Neal eyed his godson curiously. “Because if that’s why you wanted to talk to me…you know I promised him that I wouldn’t ever…”
His godson’s laughter interrupted him and Neal was glad that his reply had had its desired effect. “No, it’s nothing like that. No breaking into any lockers required.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” Neal muttered. “Then I don’t see why your parents would be disappointed. I am sure they will be happy when they find out that you’re seeing someone. They only want you to be happy.”
“I know, it’s just…,” the boy was clearly struggling for words. “I don’t think they’re going to be happy when they find out who I am seeing,” he finally settled on.
“Why not?”
“It’s…complicated.”
Neal eyed his godson curiously. “You’re not seeing an ex-con, are you? Someone who just broke out of juvie?”
“Wh-what? No!” The boy immediately exclaimed.
“Then I think you’ll be fine,” Neal said, giving him an encouraging smile. “Your dad can get a bit weird about things like that,” he said.
“Says his boss who is an ex-con,” the teenager muttered after rolling his eyes. “No, it’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it? Is she older than you? You’re not secretly seeing your teacher, are you?” Neal asked next, trying to figure out why the boy would think that his parents would have a problem with him seeing someone.
“No, no. It’s nothing like that. Unless you consider being nine months older than me a dealbreaker,” he muttered.
“No, I don’t and I don’t think your mom and dad would,” Neal said. “So, if she’s not a criminal and not older, what is the problem? That doesn’t sound too bad yet.”
“She…,” the boy sighed, running a hand through his hair. “She is not a she…He’s a he.”
There it was. Neal looked down at his hands for the longest time, before he raised his eyes once more to look at his godfather. He fully expected to see shock, surprise, maybe even rejection of sorts on his godfather’s face, but there was none of that. All he could see was sadness.
“That’s it? That’s your big, bad secret? You’re seeing a boy and not a girl?” Neal asked quietly. When his godson just nodded, Neal sighed. “Oh Neal…”
An uncomfortable silence settled between them and the boy lowered his gaze to the tabletop once more.
“Were you really that scared to tell me that you’re seeing another boy?” Neal broke the silence, his voice soft and sad. When no reply came, he reached out a hand and rested it on his godson’s arm, giving it a squeeze. “You didn’t have to be. I honestly couldn’t care less, as long as you’re happy.”
After another few minutes of silence, the boy looked up, looking at Neal insecurely. “Really?”
“Really,” Neal announced decisively. “I don’t care if you date boys or girls or… I don’t know…I just care that you’re happy, Neal. And if it’s a boy that makes you happy, then I think that’s great!”
“Thank you,” the boy murmured quietly.
Neal got up and walked over, sitting down in the chair next to his godson’s, wrapping his arms around the boy, pulling him into a hug. “Hey…nothing to thank me for,” he said seriously, running his hand over the boy’s back. “I just want you to be happy. And if it’s a boy that makes you happy, then I am happy that you have met him.”
Neal held his godson as he fell apart in his arms and he tried to comfort him as best as he could. It had been a couple of years since he had last seen Neal cry and he could only imagine how worried the boy must have been about sharing his secret. “Hey, shhhh…it’s okay. It’s okay.”
And the more Neal tried to comfort his godson, the less he understood why the boy had been so worried about telling him the truth. Neal knew that Diana was a close friend to both Neal and Sara. And not only to Neal and Sara, but to his own parents as well. Her sexuality and relationship with Christie had never been a problem for anyone in their family or group of friends. Neal would have thought that his godson knew that. Then again, the human mind worked in mysterious ways at times, no one knew that better than Neal himself.
After a couple of minutes, the boy started to calm down, then pulled back from the hug and angrily wiped away his tears. “I am sorry…”
“Don’t be,” Neal said quietly, squeezing the boy’s shoulder. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“That…that was totally embarrassing,” the boy muttered and Neal chuckled softly.
“Don’t worry about it. I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re concerned about.”
“I cried like a baby,” his godson huffed unhappily.
“You cried like someone who must have driven himself crazy thinking about bad outcomes to this conversation,” Neal said quietly. When his godson just shrugged, Neal went on. “Did you really think I would have a problem with you liking boys?”
His godson looked down at his hands and shrugged.
“Hey, I don’t. And I never will,” Neal tried to reassure him.
“I…I just,” the boy then sighed. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I just don’t want things to change and…it seems like everything might change once people know…”
“I am not going to change,” Neal promised solemnly. “Our relationship is not going to change. You’re still you and I am still me. So why would anything change? We’re still the same people we were an hour ago. I am still your godfather and you’re still my godson and I still love you like I always have. That’s never going to change.”
“Okay,” the boy nodded. “Thank you.”
“Neal, can I ask you something?” Neal then asked in a gentle voice. When the boy nodded, he went on. “Why do you think your mom and dad would be disappointed if you told them the truth?”
“How could they not be?”
“Your mom and dad love you, Neal. They love you more than anything and more than anything they just want you to be happy. And if that’s with a boy instead of a girl, I don’t think for a second that’s going to be a problem for them,” Neal stated calmly. “You know that your parents are not homophobic. Diana and Christie are some of their closest friends,” he reminded the boy quietly.
“That’s different,” the boy muttered.
“How so?” Neal wondered, not sure that he could follow.
“Diana and Christie are not me. I am their son. That’s different.”
“Neal, I really don’t think it will matter to your mom or dad. I really don’t,” Neal said, looking at his godson intently.
“They have all these plans for my life,” the boy sighed. “Mom has already planned my wedding day and… if it would be up to her, I would have 2 children by the time I am 30, making her a happy grandmother.”
Neal chuckled now, knowing that the boy most likely had a point. “Well, nothing says that can’t still happen.” When his godson just gave him a look, Neal smiled encouragingly. “Nothing says that two gay men can’t get married and have children. There are ways.”
Ignoring what his godfather had said, Neal went on. “And Dad…He wants me to become a pro baseball player. How many gay pro baseball players are there?”
Neal sighed now. “Hey, first of all, I am sure there are more than you might think and secondly, just because your mom and dad might have some ideas for your future that doesn’t mean that’s what will happen. This is your life. Yours, Neal! Not your mom’s and dad’s. They had their chance, they built the lives they wanted. Now it’s your turn. You get to decide what you want to do and who you want to be. You! Not your mom and dad.”
“Have you met my mom and dad?” The boy muttered dejectedly.
Neal chuckled. “As a matter of fact…”
“I know that Diana is their friend and…I know that you are their friend, despite everything, but…I also know that this is going to be different because it’s not about a friend, but it will be about me. Their son. That is different.”
“You know, if Benji sat in your place right now and would have told me what you have just told me…I hope he would know that I would love him no matter what. Don’t underestimate a parent’s love for their child, Neal. Your parents love you more than anything and only want you to be happy. That’s all they will care about,” Neal said seriously. “You’ll see.” He then smiled at his godson. “Now tell me about this boy you’re seeing. All I know is that he’s nine months older than you. I want more details.”
His godson rolled his eyes. “There’s not much to tell.”
“I beg to differ: What’s his name? How did you guys meet? You said you’ve been seeing him for a while now. How long is a while? I am curious,” Neal gave his godson his most blinding smile. “Come on, Neal. Don’t leave me hanging.”
“You already know him,” the boy murmured softly, then went on. “Theo, at school and various family get-togethers. About six months.”
Neal’s eyes widened. “Theo? As in Diana’s son Theo?”
When the boy just nodded, Neal smiled. “Well, I think that’s great!”
“You do?”
“You and Theo have always been great friends and you have known each other all your lives. I am sure that means you can just bypass a lot of the annoying and awkward stuff that’s usually at the beginning of a relationship. You already know each other’s hobbies, your friends, hell, you even know each other’s families. No awkward meeting of the in-laws,” Neal offered.
“Have you met my dad?” The boy asked unhappily. “It will be awkward as hell. He’ll probably regale everyone with a story about how he changed Theo’s diapers or something.”
Neal gave him a commiserative look. “That is entirely possible.” He then squeezed Neal’s arm. “But you won’t know for sure what will happen until you give him a chance to prove you wrong. You know, he might just surprise you.”
“I can’t tell him. You can’t tell him. Please, Neal!” His godson looked at him pleadingly.
“Hey, your secret is safe with me,” Neal promised solemnly. “It’s not my news to share and I won’t tell him or anyone else. I won’t. But I think that sooner or later, you should tell your mom and dad the truth. I think they will be really happy for you and they might surprise you if you give them the chance.”
When his godson just shrugged, clearly not convinced that Neal was right, Neal decided to let it rest for now. He knew that telling him the truth had been hard for the boy and there was no need to make this evening any harder than it had already been. Instead Neal decided that it was time to lighten the mood a bit and he suggested that maybe the two of them could go and head to the diner a couple of blocks away that Neal had always loved when he had still been a boy and to get some milkshakes or ice cream there like they used to.
The boy happily agreed and ten minutes later they were on their way. Once they were back at the Riverside mansion, they settled in the living-room downstairs with Sara and watched a movie together.
Neal knew that it was that normalcy that his godson needed to truly believe that nothing had changed in their relationship even though Neal now knew the truth about his sexuality.