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Ray’s hands were clammy, his inner lip chewed up and he had only one person to blame, Ryan Haywood. The man was standing in front of him, outside of Ray’s front door, looking at him with a small smile and an expectant look on his face. Did he miss something?
“Sorry, w-what did you say?” Ray stuttered, finding it hard to look directly at the man. He cursed himself for being too wrapped up in his thoughts.
Ryan chuckled, repeating himself easily, “I said I really enjoyed myself tonight.”
It was dark outside, the only source of light coming from the small bulb, hanging beneath an old lamp. It gave off an amber glow, making their skin look soft with a bit of shine.
The air around them was still as Ryan looked patiently at Ray for an answer. The silence between them not uncomfortable but, Ray realized, also extended to the street. He lived in a small neighborhood and his road had a dead end, meaning no one drove down it unless they had a reason.
“Oh, um, me too,” Ray replied, trying not to give away how fucking nervous he was about what was to come next. He’d seen enough movies to figure out what happened on a front porch after a date.
“Are you alright, Ray? What’s up?”
“Uh-” he stalled, no idea how to explain his anxiety over kissing Ryan for the first time. Not that he didn't want to, but it was also going to be his first kiss, ever.
Ryan reached over, grabbing Ray’s hands and pulling him to the side of the porch where the couch was. Ray took a seat too, a cushion of space between them.
Ryan was confused, brows drawn together slightly as he tried to put together what was going on with his boyfriend. The night had gone alright, they had both enjoyed themselves and there was nothing bad about a bowling trip…
“Come a little closer,” he requested, motioning for Ray to close the large gap of space between them. Ray did as he was told, slowly, feeling like an idiot with every passing second.
This was their third date together and their relationship was going great. Having been good friends before made it easier, so Ray wasn't sure why he was all that nervous.
Oh right, he had zero experience. He shuddered a bit at the mental image that came to mind when he imagined the kiss, him sucking too hard on Ryan’s lips, or slobbering on him. Ugh, gross.
Ryan watched Ray silently, mistaking his shudder for a chill. “You cold?” he asked, not waiting for an answer as he placed his hands on Ray’s arms, rubbing up and down.
The cheap fabric of Ray’s hoodie didn't really look warm at all, it felt thin underneath Ryan’s hands. The sleeves bunched up a bit at the motions, pelted cotton forming from even the small amount of friction.
Ray shook his head, telling himself to man up and just do this, he really wanted to. Ryan’s hands stopped moving and he retracted an arm, leaving the other to rest on Ray’s shoulder, providing, hopefully, some sense of comfort.
“Hold my hand,” Ray ends up requesting, an odd burst through the calm tone that was set. It came out all wrong, almost demanding or angry and Ray just wanted it all to be over. This is it, he thought, I screwed everything up, the mood is ruined.
Ryan quirked an eyebrow but moved his hand from Ray’s shoulder, down his arm until it reached his hand, and laced their fingers together. “Ray, what’s going on? You look like you’re about to puke...”
“What? No! I mean, like no I’m okay, just like- freaking out a bit inside,” he answered truthfully, letting the last bit slip out.
Ryan studied his expression for a moment, why would Ray be freaking out internally? He took in the wide brown eyes of his younger boyfriend, the slightly prominent blush that dusted his cheeks and the shiver he had taken earlier.
Ryan thought back to his old boyfriend and what had made him nervous, going through a few things before coming to a pretty solid conclusion. He and Ray had never kissed, Ray was nervous about kissing him!
He mentally cursed himself for being so easy to read, clearly if Ray was expecting the kiss he had been way too obvious with his actions on the porch and earlier. Although, after figuring that out, he did know how to fix the problem.
“It’s just me, relax,” he told Ray with a gentle smile that Ray mirrored after a few seconds. Ryan leant in and pressed his nose against Ray’s, letting him just get used to the feeling of their faces being that close.
“Is this okay?” he asked, waiting for Ray’s answer, an important step in what was to come next. Ray nodded and bumped his head lightly against Ryan’s, causing both of them to laugh.
Ryan closed his eyes just before pressing forward so their lips met, Ray letting it happen. He was thankful Ryan had taken the lead and attempted to figure out what he should do.
Ryan's lips had captured his top one and instead of just freezing up Ray tried to kiss back. He opened his mouth a little, head tilting slightly to the right as he brought Ryan's lower lip between his, doing his best to mimic the older man’s movements.
It felt nice and Ray was happy he didn't ruin it for them. Ryan’s lip were soft and experienced, they tasted like the diet coke he’d been sipping on at dinner.
Ryan, as it turned out, ended up pulling away first, giving Ray’s hand a squeeze as he did so.
“Was that alright? Is that what you were nervous about?” Ryan asked, waiting for a confirmation. Ray nodded, looking down at his lap in embarrassment.
“I’m such a loser, god, but yeah that was like, really nice and stuff,” Ray said, looking back up at Ryan, shyly. He pulled his hand out Ryan’s and moved it to rest in his own lap.
“I’m glad, and don’t worry, you've already done better than my first kiss, assuming that’s what this was…” Ryan trailed off after an attempt at being reassuring.
“Yeah, it was, but no way! It seems like something you’d be naturally good at.”
“Pfft, alright if you say so. My first kiss, with my first boyfriend, ended with us hitting our teeth together. And he had braces so I think it really hurt him, if I remember correctly,” Ryan said, retelling the story to Ray. Even though he and his boyfriend had sworn it to secrecy, he knew he could trust Ray with the anecdote.
Ray laughed loudly, covering his mouth quickly to muffle the noise. “You’re such a nerd,” he commented, poking fun at his boyfriend. He started to feel himself slip out of being an awkward fucker and back to his old self, a sarcastic awkward fucker.
Ryan shook his head and smirked, he was glad his 7th grade horror story could make Ray laugh because he looked less nervous after that.
“Do you wanna come inside?” Ray asked, feeling more confident. He watched the look on Ryan’s face turn suggestive and gave him a soft punch in the arm, “not like that, idiot.”
Ryan let out a soft puff of air through his nose in place of a laugh and nodded, pulling Ray in for a hug. “But, maybe we can work on our kissing some more,” the younger added with a wink.