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For as long as he could remember, Buck hated being called Evan. Despite that being his actual birth name, it hadn’t taken Buck long to realize Evan never quite fit him.
His teachers, his parents, and even his sister would always call him Evan, especially when he did something wrong and it drove him crazy.
Then, as an adult, he’d managed to find his place at the 118 in a random Los Angeles firehouse, and suddenly they accepted him going only as Buck, until one day Eddie Diaz, a new transfer, stepped onto the scene.
Growing up, he remembered groaning silently in his head each time a teacher called him Evan. His mother would never allow him to go by a nickname, and that extended to school as well.
“Evan has been struggling with his classwork. And his homework is almost always late.” His fourth-grade teacher said this during a parent-teacher conference. A hint of disappointment flickered across her face, even if he knew his teacher would never admit to that.
“Evan doesn’t seem to sit still long enough in class.” His 5th-grade teacher had said this the following year at a second parent-teacher conference.
“Evan, it’s time to figure out the direction you want to go in life. Whether it’s college, the workforce, or tech school,” His 12th-grade counsellor had said it was the final nail in the coffin of his dislike for his own education. While all of his friends were getting ready for college, he didn’t know what he wanted to do or what he was good at.
Which led to a few years of career hopping, different jobs, being a resort bartender, a ranch hand, and anything he could do to find his passion.
This finally started making sense when he landed a spot in the fire academy for the LAFD. Luckily for him, two other students had been named Evan, leading to him going by Buckly for convenience purposes, which eventually moved to him going by Buck every day at the 118.
Outside of school, it wasn’t much better at home. Of course, Buck never could completely understand why he felt detached from his parents, at least not until adulthood, but he knew something was different. But he’d always felt like he’d never been quite enough.
Which often led to him acting out with dangerous stunts and different ways to get his parents's attention.
"Oh, Evan, why can’t you be more like your sister?” His mother, Margaret, chastised him when he’d fallen off his bike, leading to road burn and cuts on his arm.
“Evan, why do you always do things like this?” She’d yelled a few months later when he’d fallen off a tree branch, leading to an emergency room run and a cast on his arm for the next 8 weeks.
And worse, was his sister. The idea of disappointing Maddie kept him up at night. Despite his strained relationship with his parents, for most of his life, it was him and his older sister against the world. Maddie was almost like his second mother, despite her not having signed up for the additional responsibility. “Oh Evan, you’re going to be okay,” Maddie said one night when she’d announced to him that she was leaving.
Nursing school, a new boyfriend at the time, and moving out of their house. “Maddie, you can’t leave. It’s. It’s supposed to be us against the world.” 17-year-old Buck said, remembering almost begging her to stay. He didn’t feel like he had his life in order enough to face the world without her.
She gently put her hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be alright, Evan; I believe in you. Besides, I’m just moving; it’s not like I’m disappearing from your life.” Maddie reassured.
And so, for years, Buck hated his first name. Then Eddie Diaz. Eddie and his young son Christopher, who had turned his world upside down, Buck had been sitting on a hospital bench when Eddie joined him. There were a lot of weird feelings and thoughts that Buck hadn’t even been close enough to start unpacking, let alone processing.
“You know, after the last time, when that well collapsed on me, After that, well, it got me thinking,” Eddie said, Buck, looking over at his best friend.
“You know, what would happen to Christopher if I hadn’t?” Buck nodded, knowing how much Eddie loved his son. How protective he was, especially with Shannon no longer in the picture.
Eddie continued, - “So I went to my attorney and changed my will. So someday, if for some reason, I didn’t make it. Christopher would be taken care of.” Which made sense to Buck. He loved that kid like his own, and with his mother no longer around, it made sense that his grandmother -
“By you.” Eddie’s voice cut through Buck’s thoughts, collectively stopping him in his tracks. “ What? ”
A quiet chuckle escaped Eddie’s mouth. “It’s in my will. If I die, you become Christopher’s legal guardian.”
“But... how does that even work? I mean, don’t you need my consent?” Buck questioned, wondering how someone could just be named legal guardian without knowing.
“My attorney said you could refuse.” Eddie pointed out, looking over at Buck. “But you knew I wouldn’t.”
Eddie nodded. “I knew you wouldn’t.” There hadn't been a doubt in his mind that Buck would ever try and refuse to take care of Christopher if something happened to him.
“Of course, he has grandparents and other family. But after Shannon, they all tried to guilt me into sending Chris to Texas. Giving him to them. And that’s now what I wanted then, and it’s not what I want now.” Eddie said, resting his hand on Buck’s shoulder.
Buck looked up, a bit surprised, and asked, “Wouldn’t they fight for him?”
Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. But I know that no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. And that’s what I want for him.” He said this, watching Buck closely.
Buck's head was spinning—little thoughts and feelings he wasn’t yet ready to process and work through—but there was a lump in his throat. “You said you changed your will last year. Why are you just telling me now?” He asked quietly.
"Because Evan, you came in here the other day and said you thought it would have been better if it had been you who was shot. You act like you’re expendable. But you’re wrong.” Eddie said it was the first time Buck’s real name had slipped out of his mouth.
At the time, Buck was at a loss for words. The jump in his heart and the pit in his stomach when Eddie of all people had called him Evan.
And then, after Eddie, Tommy came into his life. Technically, Tommy had been in his life before, a previous member of the 118 before Buck’s own time as a firefighter, with their time together being brief at best. But their paths had once again crossed, and they’d spent a decent amount of time together saving Bobby and Athena when their cruise ship capsized.
But then Tommy and Eddie started spending a lot of time together, in Vegas and at basketball games, and it drove Buck insane. But he didn’t know if it was the idea of Tommy or the idea of losing his best friend to someone else.
When there had been a knock on Buck’s door later that night, the last person he’d expected had been Tommy himself.
"Tommy, hey, come in,” Buck said, inviting him inside. He had a small feeling he knew why Tommy was here, but he wasn’t willing to give more than Tommy led with. He was standing in his kitchen, Tommy by his small dining room table.
“Can I get you a beer?” Buck asked, grabbing two from the fridge when Tommy nodded, handing him the cold glass.
“You know, you and Eddie, as buddies, make perfect sense,” Tommy said, clearing his throat as Buck took a sip of his drink. There was almost a weird tension between them, which Buck didn’t even know how to describe.
Buck nodded. “Yeah, we do.” He said he was not giving much. Eddie had been his friend first.
Tommy sighed. “And you know he can have more than one friend, right?” He said this, raising an eyebrow over at Buck. As much as Buck tried, his facts tended to give him away.
“I do know that. It’s just.. Eddie and I have been friends for years; it feels like forever, almost at this point.” Buck explained. After everything—the tsunami, the well, and the lightning strike—they'd seen each other at the best and worst of their lives.
Tommy moved over slightly, so he was towards the edge of his table rather than behind it. “I mean, it’s not like I could ever replace you. Christopher would have something to say about that. That kid cannot shut up about you.”
A look of surprise crossed Buck’s face. “Really?” He asked. He loved Chris, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t surprised to hear he talked to him when Buck wasn’t around.
“Really,” Tommy said with a nod, sipping his beer. He was pretty sure he heard more about Buck from Chris than Chris spoke about his dad.
Buck sighed. “I’m guessing Eddie’s pretty pissed?” He said he felt bad for what he’d done at the basketball match. Even if it hadn't been on purpose, his subconscious had feelings he didn’t know how to understand.
Tommy shook his head, moving this time so he was standing almost right in front of Buck. His movements were slow and calculated, almost so he didn’t accidentally startle the other man. “He’s not. He feels bad. We both do. Nobody meant to exclude you, Evan.”
And there it was again, the way Tommy only seemed to call him by his real name, despite nobody else except the few times Eddie himself had. And it hadn't been a one-time thing, it was a constant pattern, where Tommy only called him Evan. The cruise ship, the plane hangar, the basketball game.
“Eddie and I were hanging out; it wasn’t about you.” Tommy clarified.
Buck’s head snapped out as he got out of his thoughts. “That tends to be my problem. I, uh, can get pretty jealous.” He admitted that it wasn’t his favourite trait.
“Yeah, you’re not the only one; I was super jealous.” And this surprised Buck, the calm, confident man who flew a helicopter into a hurricane. Had he been jealous?
“You? Over what?” Buck asked, noticing how close Tommy had gotten through their conversation and the way he was looking at him. He was taller and a bit buffered than Buck was.
“All of you at the 118. How it’s become like a family over there. I mean, you were all willing to put everything on the line for one another. I wanted to be a part of that.” As much as Tommy enjoyed his time at the 118 all those years ago, it hadn’t been anything close to what it was like now.
Buck sighed. “You were, and you did. You... well, you even made a fake mouth static at the fire chief.” He tried to joke, giving Tommy a small smile.
Tommy scoffed, almost faking offence, “I’m renowned for my fake mouth static.” He said, before shaking his head with a chuckle, “It was not great.”
“Hey, maybe it wasn’t convincing, but you did it anyway." You threw in with us—no hesitation. I guess that’s why I thought, “That guy is cool; I like that guy.” Buck confessed, “I mean, that’s a part of why I called and asked for the tour.
Buck wanted to shut up; he wanted to save face and stop acting like a middle school boy, similar to the story Maddie had told him earlier, but once the words slipped out, it was like he couldn’t stop them.
“I just wanted to get to know you.” Buck finished a bit sheepishly.
“Yeah?” Tommy questioned; he and Buck were standing much closer now. A few inches of space between them at best.
Buck nodded. “Yeah. And then you left with Eddie, and you don’t have to tell him how great Eddie is. I’ve known that since the first day we worked together, even if we got off on the wrong foot.” He said this, thinking of how once again he’d been jealous at the idea of a more talented firefighter and paramedic stepping on his toes and taking his place.
“Of course, you want to hang out with Eddie.” He reassured her that it wasn’t like he was trying to get in the way of their friendship.
“Well, I’m not much for basketball, as I’m sure you could tell. And I don’t know Muay Thai.” There was a lot Buck didn’t know or even have an interest in when it came to things he could do with Eddie.
“I could teach you.” Tommy offered with a small shrug. The way he was looking at Buck was almost intense, as was the way they’d slowly gravitated towards each other.
Buck’s head was spinning. Why was Tommy so close to him? Why did Buck not seem to mind? Why was he seemingly okay with another guy in his space when, for so long, he’d been closed off to everyone except those he was close to?
“It won’t be right after our flying lesson, right?” Buck asked, and Tommy shook his head with a quiet laugh.
“Probably not the same day.” He promised, a small smile playing in the corner of his mouth.
Buck nodded. “Good. ‘Cause trying to get your attention has been kind of exhausting.” He said this, silently cursing his slip of information in his head.
Tommy raised an eyebrow. “My attention?” He questioned me, tilting his head slightly.
Buck sighed. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I did maim my best friend.” He said with a quiet laugh, “My sister says there are better ways to get someone’s attention.”
And then Tommy was kissing him, his lips on his own. Buck almost swears he goes into sensory overload, the finger under his chin tilting his head up and his own hand going to rest on the side of Tommy’s arm.
He focuses on the finger under his chin, the way Tommy’s kiss was soft, but it doesn’t make Buck feel fragile. Tommy knew he could handle it and be okay, but it was different from a lot of his previous kisses.
For years, it was quick bar hookups and one-night stands, where despite his attachment issues, the kisses didn’t mean anything. Then it was Abby, where slowly they started to mean more, until she’d left, leaving him with more questions than answers. Following with Taylor, who had been his most serious relationship up to that point. But in most of those relationships, he was the one to lead, especially during his “good in bed” era.
But this? This was different. Suddenly, he was the receiver, not the giver. And the idea of being shut up with a kiss was a fantasy Buck never knew he had until that moment.
It was as if a light switch had flicked on in his head, emotions almost too complicated but somehow less terrifying than he ever could have hoped. Like a sense of freedom. This weight lifted off his shoulders, which Buck had carried around for as long as he could remember.
“Like that?” Tommy asked when he pulled away slowly. Buck, with a dreamlike look on his face, snapped out of the haze as he tried to find his words.
“Yeah, that works.” Buck managed, still processing the kiss. The words stuck in his throat.
His cheeks were flushed when they pulled away, and despite it being his first kiss ever with a guy, it suddenly wasn’t enough. He’d gotten his first taste, and as the light switch flipped, he wanted more.
Despite Tommy not wanting to leave, he looked down to check his watch and said, “I got a shift, but what are you doing Saturday?” He asked, still standing in Buck’s personal space.
“Saturday?” Buck said, thinking for a moment. He was trying to quickly remember if there was anything he had to do.
“You still owe me that beer.” Tommy was reminded, but this time there was something else behind it, more than just a beer that had been promised.
Buck looked over at him and asked, “Are you free?” He asked, deciding to be bold. A small smile was on his face when Tommy agreed with a nod.
“I’ll stop by around eight?” Tommy offered.
“Yeah, eight is good.” Buck agreed, watching as Tommy finally stepped out of his space to grab his keys and phone from his kitchen table.
For a split second, Tommy moved closer again, letting his hand linger right above Buck’s hip for perhaps a split second too long, and Buck almost swore he could feel the heat of his hand. “Great, see you Saturday,” Tommy said, almost a tease or preview of what was to come, what could happen, as he moved over to the door before Buck could begin to overthink the action.
“Goodnight Evan,” Tommy said as he left the loft, a tiny smile on Buck’s face when the door shut behind the other man, leaving Buck alone.
Yeah, he realized. Maybe being called by his name wasn’t such a bad thing after all.