Work Text:
John wanted this Christmas to be special.
It was their first Christmas together as partners. Before, they had always had company if they celebrated at all. And after the last Christmas he had had to spend with Mary, John was extremely ready to finally start the rest of his life with Sherlock, who had so far been heartbreakingly nervous and unsure about them. John felt the need to assure him whenever he could, and having a real Christmas with him was something he absolutely wanted to do.
Something for just the two of them. He knew from the past that Sherlock didn't really care for Christmas, but he had also realised the man would sometimes pretend not to care to avoid rejection. After they got together, John had thought Sherlock wouldn't need to do that anymore, but then July happened.
"John."
Hearing Sherlock suddenly so close made John jump. Sherlock had crept up behind him when he had been standing by the kitchen sink, thinking of doing the dishes but actually doing nothing yet. John quickly leaned back to his friend and now lover.
"Sherlock", he breathed out. Sherlock breathed on his neck in answer but did nothing, and John sensed that he waited for John to lead the situation.
They had been sort of dating for only a week or so, but John had already noticed Sherlock rarely was the first one to touch, but actively sought John's touch. The detective had actually admitted he was unsure of what to do when they first kissed and John was more than happy to be the one to teach his lover these things.
So he slowly turned to face Sherlock and stood on his tiptoes to reach his partner's lips. Sherlock returned the kiss eagerly, and soon they were both a bit out of breath. John took hold of Sherlock's face and watched the brunette man blink slowly.
Being the genius he was, Sherlock saw the question before John voiced it and nodded just as John opened his mouth. John huffed a small laugh when he took Sherlock's hand and led him to their bedroom.
"You're so brilliant, you know that?" John said as he lowered Sherlock to the bed.
Sherlock just gave him a small smile and pulled him to a quick kiss. Coming to lay half on top of Sherlock, John could hear the other man's heart racing a bit too quickly given the circumstances. He was clearly nervous.
"I love you so much." Sherlock put his hands around John's waist and muttered, "I know" so softly John almost missed it.
"What did you say?" John moved to kiss Sherlock's neck, and the detective's answer was reduced to a whimper. John decided not to tease him more and went for the buttons of the ridiculous purple shirt. He noticed Sherlock's breathing had quickened too, almost too much, and became slightly worried.
"Are you okay?" He asked, stopping his hands. Sherlock nodded and shut his eyes, slowing his breathing.
John opened each button slowly and ran his hands over his lover's pale chest. Sherlock gave a soft moan. John leaned in to kiss the detective's collarbone and started to trail lower. Suddenly Sherlock moaned again, but this time he sounded distressed.
"Sherlock, you still okay?" The brunette had his eyes shut but he gave a frantic nod. John took his shoulders.
"Sherlock open your eyes and look at me. Please," he begged. The detective was suddenly breathing very shallowly again and just shook his head.
"Sherlock?" John was extremely worried by now and moved gingerly to sit next to Sherlock, which made the detective whimper again.
"John, please don't g-go."
"Shh, Sherlock. I'm not going anywhere," John tried, but the other man was in some sort of panicked state and kept pleading.
"I can do this, p-please don't leave me. Please John, don't go. I can be better."
"Sherlock, I'm right here," John said, a bit louder this time, and pulled Sherlock into a hug. "I'm right here and you're alright."
"I'm so sorry John I -" Sherlock tried again, but John interrupted him.
"Open your eyes. It's okay, everything's okay. Just look at me please."
Finally, Sherlock let out a shaky breath and opened his eyes slightly. He took a quick look at John and then buried his face in John's lap. "Sherlock please tell me what's wrong?"
John felt mortified as his brains slowly started to work again. They had barely kissed so far and what he just did must've been extremely overwhelming for Sherlock. He lifted the detective from his lap gently and helped him to sit. "I'm sorry, that went too far too quickly."
Lowering his head, the brunette shook his head. "No you don't need apologise. I can be better. I don't want to deny you anything and I'm being pathetic. I understand if you don't want this anymore, you have needs and I haven't ma-"
"Oh God, Sherlock! I'm not dating you just to get sex!"
Sherlock lifted his head at John's outburst, looking almost surprised. "But you will miss it, probably already do. Before, you always had a girlfriend and then Mary -"
"And I've been doing just fine with you! I need you to understand this. You have much more to offer, always have. We've been friends for years, and yes you can be a git but I love you even then. I'm more than happy to be with you for the rest of my life even if we'd never even kiss again. If you ever doubt that, just ask me, I'll say it again. I love you so much."
The next day Sherlock had woken up to find John was already in the shower. Apparently convinced John was leaving him ayways, the detective had been desperately trying to clean the flat with shaking hands as John had got out of the bathroom. The detective had kept on pleading and had promised to clean the whole apartment and rid all of his experiments if John just promised to stay.
John had forced Sherlock to spend the rest of the day home, and the pair had cuddled on the sofa and watched crap telly.
They didn't really talk about what happened again, and truthfully the whole situation kept bothering John. Especially when, after a week or so, Sherlock had a nightmare.
John was familiar with nightmares but he didn't know if Sherlock usually had them, so he had forced Sherlock to talk about it. They ended up talking until dawn, and that finally cleared the air at 221B.
~'*'~
Now that Christmas was almost there, John found himself nervous again for the first time in a long while. He actually had no idea what to buy for Sherlock, but it had to be special. The detective had begun to get insecure about their relationship again, John could tell, because the amount of body parts in the fridge had been alarmingly low lately.
He had also noticed that Sherlock tried to hold himself back at crime scenes. He hadn't even replied when Donovan had blurted out something extremely nice about him. He had at least defended himself before, and seeing he didn't even return Donovan's or Anderson's insults if that could end up upsetting John only made the doctor feel worse.
So he really had spent some time thinking about his Christmas present to Sherlock and now he had one idea. But they would have a proper first Christmas together, with or without gifts.
That was why, when Sherlock came back from Scotland Yard one especially freezing day, he found John decorating a real pine tree which he had somehow managed squeeze to the corner of the living room. He had actually asked Lestrade to give Sherlock something to do while he got all the supplies.
"John, what is happening?" Sherlock eyed the tree with a look of realisation on his face. "What day is it?"
John couldn't help himself and giggled. "It's a week until Christmas. I thought we could have a real Christmas for a change."
Sherlock, who had walked over to the tree to stare at it, turned to look at him, looking slightly uneasy. "You mean like guests and all? We've done that before. Shall we exchange presents?"
"Oh no, no guests, no. Just us, if you want to. And I actually want to talk to you about the present thing, but not right now." John couldn't help grinning. "You could help me decorate the tree. Did you have nice time at the Yard?"
Sherlock shot him the 'we both know what going on here' look and scoffed while hanging his coat. "They had collected all the neglected paperwork from the last three months for me to deal with today. And the case was actually a three."
"Don't say you didn't see it coming; you've been postponing paperwork since you started there."
"Well I knew you were up to something; you are so painfully obvious most of the time." Chuckling, John reached to kiss Sherlock on the nose.
"Mmm, but you love me."
"But I love you," Sherlock agreed.
"Come on, the flat's not going to decorate itself."
They spent the whole evening doing Christmas preparations. They argued playfully over Christmas foods, and Sherlock got entangled while uncoiling the blue Christmas lights. Finally, they were ready and decided to open a bottle of red wine just to celebrate.
John went to turn off the all the other lights, so the flat was filled with a warm blue glow from the tree. Sherlock curled up on the one end of the sofa and John occupied the other.
After they finished the bottle, Sherlock produced some biscuits and another bottle from somewhere. After a while John felt himself getting drowsy.
"Sherlock, I think I'm going to bed. It's been a long day."
"But John. You wanted to talk. Presents." The brunette was clearly drunk, waving his hand in in the air dismissively, but he had his gaze fixed on John. John reached for his glass of wine. Sherlock must've thought it was something important if he bothered to remember that.
"We can talk about it tomorrow. We don't really even have to give each other any presents, just having you is enough."
Sherlock's nose crinkled in the way John thought was absolutely endearing.
"But I do like the idea of giving you...something." With that, the detective awkwardly left his end of the sofa and stumbled to straddle John's legs. Then he bent down to place a heated kiss on John's lips.
John hesitated for a moment, but after seeing no signs of fear or nervousness, he kissed back and licked Sherlock's lips to gain access. Sherlock opened his mouth and moaned quite loudly.
"Definitely drunk," John thought to himself as he explored the inside of Sherlock's mouth. Sherlock ran his hands all over John's chest, but John refrained from going further. Even kissing like this was still quite new for Sherlock, and being drunk as he was, things started to slow down quite soon.
John felt his eyelids grow heavy, and he put his hands around the detective and maneuvered them both to lay more comfortably. He almost started laughing when he saw the brunette already half asleep, but soon they were both snoring.
~'*'~
John woke up with a stiff neck and a raging erection. And with Sherlock sleeping on top of him. He froze as he felt Sherlock's stomach right over his crotch. That was really too much right now, and John decided he needed to get up and away.
John was able to get up without waking Sherlock, the detective sleeping unusually soundly. "Probably the alcohol," John mused to himself. He had never actually been able to sneak out of bed secretly if Sherlock was still there.
After he dealing with his hard-on, John just spent a moment thinking about last night. Sherlock had been very enthusiastic, but that was probably the alcohol talking. He had been getting bolder though, and John just hoped Sherlock wasn't trying too hard again.
When he got back to the living room, Sherlock was awake and sitting on his chair. The detective took one look at John and his face fell just the tiniest bit.
"You just masturbated." John felt himself blushing right away. He should be used to how observant the other man was by now. "Umm," he mumbled and headed to the kitchen.
"But I was right here." Sherlock' voice was soft and so small. John immediately turned on his heels and went to sit next to the brunette man.
"Sherlock," he started, "I thought we talked about this. I don't want to pressure you into anything, and I most certainly do not want you to pressure yourself. I don't want you doing anything before you're ready."
"I just hope you'd woken me up and asked me. But," Sherlock actually raised his head almost defiantly, "I think I am ready."
John leaned in to kiss Sherlock briefly and then watched the man's face for a moment. "Okay, love. But we'll take it very slowly, okay? And right now it's time for breakfast." Sherlock gave a big smile at that.
~'*'~
Lestrade called after breakfast and stole Sherlock's attention with a potential serial killer.
There were three murders the Yarders had suspected to be connected, but Sherlock corrected that one of them was a suicide, but the two others were indeed connected.
They spent that day trying to locate the killer before there’d be another murder and ended up staying overnight. John napped on the couch on Lestrade's office, and Sherlock apparently didn't need to sleep after just having slept the whole night.
They did catch the murderer the next morning when her supposed next victim called the police. Apparently the victim had grown suspicious about her brother's wife after the brother's two clients got killed and called the cops after the wife turned up at her door.
After a short paperwork circus at the Yard, Sherlock and John were free to go home. John was thrilled to get a proper meal and hopefully a longish nap on their own bed, but Sherlock clearly wasn't finished.
"But she turned herself in! She must've know the sister would call the police!" Sherlock had of course been right about everything as usual, but John could see the detective was disappointed there hadn't been a chase or anything.
"But you were right the whole time, and she wouldn't have been convicted of anything if you hadn't found the proof." John got out two plates and loaded them with the Chinese takeaway they had bought on the way home. He handed the other to Sherlock, who immediately shook his head.
"You are eating Sherlock; I know you didn't eat at the Yard."
Giving up, Sherlock took the plate and started to poke at the chicken. John finished his plateful quickly and headed for the shower. "I'm going to shower now, and that plate had better to be empty when I get back."
It was nice to see that Sherlock had really complied him when John got back. He even got the detective to nap with him after that, and now they were laying on the bed. The silence was comfortable, and John didn't really feel like breaking it.
Of course Sherlock had other ideas, and the detective slid his hand underneath John's t-shirt to feel his stomach. John turned his head to receive a slow but deep kiss. After a while John had to pull away. Sherlock was watching him with his eyes dark and pupils blown wide.
“John.” God his voice was deep and almost husky. “I’m sure about this. I’m ready.”
"Oh God Sherlock. I want to make you feel so good." It was suddenly much harder to think, but there was something he wanted to try. "But if at any point you feel like stopping, just say 'red', okay?" Maybe having a safeword would make Sherlock feel more confident. Sherlock nodded at that.
"What do you want?" John needed to be sure they were on the same page here.
"I want to touch you. And I want you to touch me." Sherlock sounded out of breath and his cheeks turned pink when he answered, but his gaze was steady. "I want this so badly. I want you."
Sherlock then proceeded to tug John to sit on his lap. John complied happily. Then he took hold of Sherlock's face and led him to a more heated kiss. He took a good moment to explore the insides of Sherlock’s mouth, and pulled back when he really needed to catch his breath.
Sherlock let out a moan, and it was very arousing for John to notice that the detective was already rock hard from just kissing. He helped Sherlock to lay fully on his back, and then trailed down to kiss at the brunette's neck. He ran his hands over Sherlock’s chest, feeling his hard nipples under the thin shirt, and muffled his own moan on Sherlock’s shoulder.
Sherlock's voice got louder when John slowly unbuttoned his shirt. He planted a light kiss on Sherlock’s chest, and enjoyed the whimper the detective gave at that. He was getting more confident with what they were doing, and it seemed that Sherlock was too.
That was why he was surprised to hear Sherlock crying out a panicked "Red!" when he reached for his trousers.
John immediately slid off of Sherlock. "Sherlock, you okay?"
This time Sherlock didn't panic. He just closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before answering.
"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry."
"Again Sherlock, you have nothing to apologise for. Did I do something wrong?"
"No, you - you didn't. It's just..." The brunette was clearly struggling for words.
John opened his arms. "Come here, love. It's all fine, I’m actually happy that you asked me to stop in time, but I'm hoping you could talk to me about it."
Sherlock settled into John's lap so that his back was leaning to John's chest. Then he tried again. "I just panicked. It felt so good, but I got scared. I always do. I can't... I can't think." His voice was soft again. John held him a bit tighter.
"I know you didn't have a Christmas present for me," Sherlock continued, "and I'm sorry I can't do this for you."
John was about to protest, but Sherlock turned around and silenced him. "I know, we've talked about this, you've said you can do without sex, but I want to have sex with you. I really wanted to give this to you. I'm hard to buy for, I know it, and I just thought this would've been a gift for both of us."
"I still love every bit of you, whatever happens, even if we never kissed again. I've probably said that before, but it's still true. I just want you to never be insecure about us ever again. I'm not going to leave you. You understand that?"
John knew he sounded nervous but he couldn’t help it. “Actually I had something planned for you, for us, and please tell me if I’m going too far.”
"John?" Sherlock looked very confused and very emotional, and John felt a bit light-headed. "I was going to ask if you'd like to marry me."
For a moment, John feared Sherlock would run away. The detective was just staring at him, looking completely lost. He kept opening and closing his mouth like he was trying to say something, and John was mildly reminded of the time he'd asked Sherlock to be his best man.
"Sherlock? Say something please."
"I - I... I don't, umm... What do you want m-me to say? I mean... I didn't -"
"Just say yes or no, it's all fine." John pleaded.
"I mean - are you sure? I'm not... I’m not the easiest man to live with, everyone’s said that.” Sherlock gave a small sound, almost like a sob. “I’m broken, I’ll push you away some day.”
Again, John just pulled Sherlock to his chest and hugged him tight. “We’re all broken, Sherlock. You’re not going to ‘push me away’, I love you too much. And I already know how you can be on your worst." He felt the wetness of Sherlock's tears on his shoulder.
"So what's it going to be?"
Sherlock nodded against John's shoulder before raising his head. To John's relief, the detective was smiling.
"Yes," he said, giving a teary laugh, "yes, I'll marry you!"
Before John knew, he was on his back with Sherlock on top of him, kissing him. He was about to push the other man farther, but then Sherlock pulled back.
"John, yes. I love you." He was already out of breath and moaning his name. "Could we try this with - with clothes on? It's not so... overwhelming."
"Sherlock, you don't have t-"
"I want to." With that, Sherlock leaned in to suck his tongue. He actually went as far as to pin John's hands next to the doctor's head. When Sherlock lowered his mouth to John's collarbone and sucked again, John couldn't help moaning. He twisted his hands so that their fingers were entwined, which sparked Sherlock on.
The detective was far gone, and when John reached up to suck a small bruise to his throat, Sherlock shouted out breathlessly and rubbed his groin against John's belly briefly before pulling back a bit to look at John.
"Is this okay?" He was already looking throughoutly shagged with a full blush and his hair sticking up.
"Yes, love, whatever feels good." John couldn't help bringing his own pelvis up a few times when Sherlock continued his ministrations.
"Yes, that's it." Sherlock started to sound more urgent, so John brought a hand to rub at his lower back soothingly. "It's okay, I've got you. Just let go."
And Sherlock did. He gave a long, ridiculously erotic moan and went rigid on top of John. After giving him a moment, John turned them both to lay on their sides and watched as Sherlock came down from his high. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at John.
"You okay? That wasn't too much?"
Sherlock blinked slowly and shook his head. "No, that was... good." He blushed as John gave him a wide smile. "Very good. Do you want me to...?" He looked down at John's crotch, the pink on his cheeks only growing stronger.
"Only if you want to, I'm okay." John was suddenly very aware of what just had happened. "I'm happy if you want to just sleep right now, you were amazing."
But Sherlock looked determined and reached for John's trousers, sliding the button free. "You should probably guide me through, fiancé."
That did it for John, and it turned out that Sherlock didn't need much guiding after all. Afterwards, they cleaned up and cuddled on the bed, listening as the night killed the noises of the traffic outside.
They agreed to get proper rings before Christmas.