Archive of Our Own ^beta

*The letters on display are written by two lovers from hundreds of years ago. One is a writer, Akaashi Keiji, and the other is an athlete and soldier, Bokuto Koutarou. A few words are missing due to improper care before being collected by the museum. Any previous letters mentioned were not found. Please do not touch the glass.

April 8th, XX06

Dear Bokuto-san,

My apologies for not writing you sooner. As you recall, I have had quite the trouble moving into my new abode. It seems as though with each lingering moment, a new mishap arises in my life. But that is neither here nor there.

I am going to keep this message brief so as to not take up any precious time with filler words. I am simply extending my gratitude towards you for accompanying me as I busied myself finalizing my relocation. You are a very generous man. I will always think of you with such kindness, despite your sizable ego.

Please do not feel compelled to respond if you are not favorable to the idea. However, I will not deny my inquisitive nature on your status. If you feel the need to reply, so be it. I will read it, and perhaps reply again in return.

Best regards,

Akaashi Keiji

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

April 14th, XX06

Akaashi,

You know that I’ll never mind when you reach out to me! I love every word that you write, I read all of your letters over and over again when I’m missing you! It makes me smile to hear how you’re wondering about me, but I beg you not to worry. I am alright as I have always been, even though I wish you were here with me. Though that is something that can only be cured by your presence. We should plan a visit, you and me. A sunny afternoon in the park, what do you say? When the weather gets nicer we can go to the beach!

Days have been longer without you here. I guess there’s nothing to say about that, I just wanted to write it down. You make the days easier.

Please tell me more about your move! How was settling down? Is the house nice? I remember coming to see it with you when you were deep in thought about moving in. I thought it looked nice and spacious. Do you have all of your writing equipment set up? If you need any help, I would be delighted to make a day trip! Just say the word.

Please write soon.

Your friend,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. Any aforementioned writings in this letter were not recovered.

April 22nd, XX06

Dear Bokuto-san,

A trip to the beach sounds lovely, although the winds may be too harsh this time of year. As for the walk in the park, I am afraid my work has swamped me with deadlines. I am drowning in loose pens and spilled ink whilst being barked to write. When the time is right, we shall sit side by side on a sturdy bench and gaze up at the clouds. I will bring with me some refreshments and all of the love and adoration in my heart, and you shall bring your infectious energy. You may recall that I once called it a disease. I pray you never recover.

Days don’t change their timing because of the absence of one person. The clock ticks as it always has, just as the Earth follows its consistent orbit around the sun. I appreciate your thinking of me.

The pacing of moving in has been quite slow. It seems as though my mind and hands aren’t fond of the constant use. However, this is not me requesting guidance. I could not ask such a thing of you. However, my address is plastered on the backside of the envelope. If you happen to see it, I shall not judge you if you coincidentally decide to make your way down for a visit.

I hope to see you soon.

Best regards,

Akaashi Keiji

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

June 2nd, XX06

Akaashi,

I’m writing to you on such short notice because I stepped outside today and the sun blared down on me with waves of pure heat. I thought back to our earlier conversations. Though a bit long ago, I can’t seem to get them out of my head, something your writing does to me often! I’m not sure how you do it. You will have to teach me your secrets the next time I stop down! Your words stay with me more than any others, it’s almost magical!

Anyway, all this to say the first thing I thought was that it was a perfect day for the beach! I know you wrote in a previous letter that it was too cold, now I feel it’s quite the opposite. How would you feel about the 20th? I can take the train down to meet with you!

You once said that I have no reason to miss you, that a star without its planets is still a star, but I don’t think that is true. I read somewhere that stars and planets move together in a complementary motion, like that of a slow dance. With that, does a star hold any significance if not to provide warmth for the planets around it? What use is a lonesome sun floating around space?

I’m sorry for sounding too poetic. It seems your sense of writing’s starting to rub off on me! Truthfully, I hope it lasts forever. Writing reminds me of you.

I miss you.

Yours truly,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. Although crossed off, a small heart was able to be made out next to the sender’s name.

June 16th, XX06

Dearest Bokuto-san,

I hear the beach is lovely this time of year. Please meet me at my doorstep on June 30th. I will have my suitcase ready to go, we can stay for the week. The cold shrill of early Spring is behind us as we ascend into the warm Summer months, I pray for good weather in hopes that I can see you more often. Please let the others know I miss them as well.

I am glad my words move you. That is all I could wish for them to do. Apologies for keeping this letter short, I have some packing to do before your arrival. I am thinking [...]

I suppose you are right about the stars. I am glad you chose to shine your light on me. May we dance together until our light goes out.

Best regards,

Akaashi Keiji

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. The last sentence of the letter was scribbled out, the only legible part being “I am thinking”. Due to the paper quality and the way in which it was crossed out, we are unfortunately unable to read the rest.

July 16th, XX06

Dear Bokuto-san,

Apologies for the arbitrary letter, if I am being honest to both of us I have had more than my fair share of alcohol tonight. I stepped outside my door to look up at the enchanting night sky. [I find it quite funny how there are more stars in the sky and yet they mean nothing when you aren’t around me to magnify them.] They are [still] so beautiful to gaze upon in the nice breeze of the moonlight [nonetheless]. When I shifted my vision to the trees, I could not help but notice the golden eyes of an owl staring back at me. I heard your voice ring in my head and my eyes were glued to his until I lost sight of them. [I wondered if you…] My drunken mind got the best of me and, as if they grew drunken minds of their own, my hands started writing.

Maybe you can visit again soon. I figure it to be impossible with us both just recently returning from our beach trip, but I am feeling especially daring on this fine evening. I hope to see your eyes again not on the face of an owl but on [...] you.

Again I must apologize for my rambling. There is no reason to send this letter aside for my own selfish needs. I miss you. On the date of your return, I will pour us both a glass and we can laugh together again. I dream of the day on my darkest of nights.

I must get back to work now. You need not reply, I appreciate the effort to read just enough.

With love,

Akaashi Keiji

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. Some of the words were scribbled out, but the museum staff was able to retranslate a majority of the writing.

July 21st, XX06

Akaashi,

Don’t apologize for your thoughts, you know that I treasure every letter I get from you! Even if the paper smells like whiskey when I open the envelope, I’m just glad that I have those little bits of your scent. I find it a bit funny that you expect me not to respond, though. You know me more than anyone ever has and ever will, you should know that I’ll happily respond to you! Maybe not to anyone else, however.

What a long-winded way of saying you missed me! I love your poeticism, you pick your words so carefully. If I had one wish, it would be for you to write to me for the rest of my life. I can only hope that my dreams become a reality.

I’ll be there by the 26th. If this letter does not make it to you before then, then I hope my arrival was a pleasant surprise, and we enjoyed drinks together laying on the warm grass.

I have not yet recovered from my so-called disease, so please expect lots of big smiles and loud laughter.

Yours forever,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

August 11th, XX06

Akaashi,

I’ve just heard from Konoha that you’ve gotten a promotion! I’m so incredibly proud of you! I keep all of your letters in a box under my bed to read when it gets late at night and I’m lonely, as melodramatic as it sounds. Your writing has a way of giving me comfort, and I am sure it does the same for all others. Of anyone else in the world, I cannot think of anyone who could possibly deserve it more than you, Akaashi Keiji.

Please excuse me if I sound selfish, you know that in my best dreams, I do what is best for everyone and not just myself. However, I have a question: [why not me?] why Konoha first? I know that it isn’t any business of mine and that the best course of action is to let it go, but it has infested my mind like a plague. I haven’t heard from you since we drank together in the grass and you allowed me to stay overnight [which I wish I could have stayed forever], I must wonder, was there something I did to disturb you? [Please forgive me, Akaashi.]

I have read all of your excerpts in the paper, and I must say they are spectacular. As I said earlier, all of your writings bring me such joy. Every story of yours is a wonder. [I can’t help but wonder if they are about me.]

Thinking of you always.

Your star,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. Some of the words were scribbled out, but the museum staff was able to retranslate a majority of the writing.

August 30th, XX06

Akaashi,

I don’t know if you’ve gotten my latest letter so this might be a bother, but I’d rather beg for forgiveness than allow myself not to try. You’ve known me forever, you know that I will not go down without a fight, most of the time that is. However, this is something I cannot let myself give up on, and that is you. I must ask you, have I done something to make you mad? Whatever it may be I will repent it for a thousand lifetimes if it means you will return to my life. I miss your letters, the way your handwriting is the slightest bit slanted. I think it makes it look sophisticated.

I’ve been rereading your letters at night to keep me company. Admittedly, without knowing how you are my nights have been a lot more restless. I’m not sure if this is more or less pathetic of me, but truthfully I could not care less. There is no significance to a star without its planets. I miss you, Akaashi.

I’m still reading your writings in the paper, but there is a hint of sadness to them lately. I hope that everything is alright for you. You know that I care for you forever, no matter where the wind takes us, no matter if you decide to reply or not.

Please forgive my annoyance, I know you don’t like to be disturbed. I couldn’t hold myself back.

Yours for eternity,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

September 6th, XX06

Bokuto Koutarou,

I apologize for my blunt language, to be perfectly clear before the letter starts, I yet again have had far too much to drink tonight. Just a few minutes ago, I finally found the courage to open the letter that I had been giving stress-filled passing glances to since this morning. Truthfully, I dreaded cutting it open, but as I ran my fingers along the top edge of the envelope I noticed a few slight crinkles in the paper. You must have been holding onto this tightly. It would be irresponsible of me to ignore your feelings, and I know I could never do that to you. The full, honest answer is that I miss you too, but I don’t believe I can write you anymore. I have been sucked fully into your orbit and have been blinded by the fiery lights of your surface. I can no longer stop myself, look away, and forbid myself from letting these feelings arise. They have taken over me like a curse possessing its victim, cold and unforgiving.

I realized this sitting in the grass together, a glass of whiskey in my left hand and your hair in my right. You leaned into my palm and smiled with your eyes closed a soft, beautiful smile, and I had never seen you so quiet and peaceful. It was then that I knew I would never feel this type of affection for anyone else. The despicable, soul-crushing weight that was placed on my back after I realized that I could no longer say “no” to you was the final straw.

I do not expect you to return my feelings, in fact, I do not expect anything from you at all. I believe that, although I will treasure our memories forever, we should not interact any longer. Once again, all I ask of you is that you allow me to be selfish and spare myself the heartbreak of remaining close friends. I look into your eyes and can no longer control myself, I am afraid that if I see you again that I will never leave your side, truly and utterly sucked into your orbit.

Koutarou, if I could put it in simple words, there would only be three: I love you.

Wishing you all the best, my star,

Akaashi Keiji

*This letter is written on parchment paper, a more durable, expensive type of paper usually used for story-writing or legal documents.

September 10th, XX06

Keiji,

I’m left speechless. Your words are as beautiful as always, but I now recognize something I may have overlooked before; you are a stupid man, Akaashi Keiji. I was blinded by your fascinating words and your beautiful face, but now I can see you are a huge, blazing idiot. In fact, I figured I had been too forward with my head against your hand. I thought I had let the mask slip, let a bit of red rush up to my cheeks, and you had found me out. Well, maybe I’m an idiot too.

I want nothing more than to hold you close, face-to-face, skin-to-skin, and light you up with the warmth of all the stars combined. I want to shine with you forever, Akaashi Keiji. Please write back again so that I can visit again and you can put your hand in my hair and never let me go. I want to be stupid and in love with you for the rest of my life.

I know that you don’t expect anything from me, in the years that we have known each other you have asked for nothing more than what I can give you. But if you asked, I would give the world to make you happy. I would not call it “falling in love”, I have looked at you with the same fondness I acquired since the first moment I met you. I fell for you long ago, Akaashi Keiji. Forgive me for not being able to contain it any longer.

I love you too, forever and always. Notice the poeticism you have given me.

For my world, from your star,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter is written on manila paper, slightly less expensive than parchment paper, but still used in more professional settings than rag paper.

September 17th, XX06

Koutarou,

[...] Come over.

Signed,

Keiji

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. There are lots of things crossed out. They are unintelligible.

October 1st, XX06

My dearest Koutarou,

I had never known that one could experience such joy until I met you. I find that my days without you next to me are filled with yearning, longing to see you once again. I recognize that it has only been a couple of days since we last embraced, but I cannot help myself. Look at what you have done to me, Bokuto Koutarou, you have made me a bumbling lovesick fool. I cannot say that I mind it. I suppose that the power of the written word far surpasses anything I could say to you verbally, but it doesn’t take away my need for that physicality. The words sound themselves out for me in my head, they are almost physical things that I can reach out and touch. The weather is still somewhat warm, we should go back to the beach soon. I will sit under my umbrella, safe from the harsh rays of the sun, and you will splash around in the water. I will smile and watch. Yet all of these words are nothing without the promise of your return. Can we please lay together in the sand, my hand in your hair? I do not need the warmth of the sun as long as I have you. You are warm enough for the both of us combined. Is it too soon to say I miss you?

Look at what you have done, taken away my natural poeticism. All I can offer are blunt sentences, straight to the point. You have quite an effect on me.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

October 3rd, XX06

My darling Koutarou,

My thoughts have been consumed by you alone. I recall your mentioning of my writing in the paper, my apologies if they are either written poorly or plagued with romanticism. Unfortunately, a new muse has taken over my mind and has been either distracting me or influencing my mind. What annoyance, I must say. When I find this muse, there is no telling what I may say. Maybe he will have to shut me up himself. But I can only hope that.

I am well aware I wrote to you only days ago. Yesterday I witnessed a couple together, two ladies hand in hand, hidden by a purse. I could see their disguise. I watched them pass me, whispering to each other and replying with small giggles. There was a bit of softness in their gazes that kept me entranced, it made me think of you. You always look at me with such fondness, I hope I do the same.

Missing you is a beautiful thing that I am privileged to do. Please visit soon.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

October 9th, XX06

My Keiji,

Today I went outside and looked at the sky. It was uneventful, but I smiled up at the clouds and imagined us. Maybe soon I will be able to come over and we can stare at the sky together! I want to pretend to see us reflected in the sky, and I want to hear you laugh when I say such nonsense. I’m happy to hear that you miss me too.

I got a letter in the mail today that I’ll be stationed soon, although this is no surprise to me. I have been long overdue. I think that I shall visit before I have to leave, maybe live out the rest of my life in your arms before I am ripped away. It would be nice to sink into your touch at least once more, but I am not worried. We will not be affected. We will live and die together, hand-in-hand. And even if not, we will have memories that will last us a thousand lifetimes. May they never change.

I’ll come down by train as soon as I hear back from you. Please do not take long, I’m packing as I write.

I am looking out at the clouds again. Out of all the beautiful patterns, I can only see you.

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

October 16th, XX06

My treasured Koutarou,

Stationed, you say? I could not imagine a fate worse for me than that. Albeit an overreaction, you have quite the flare for the dramatic, so please excuse me if I steal that trait for once. Without you I cease, my hand over my heart. My star will be thousands of miles away, and I, his lonely Earth, will run cold and freeze. I know it may be selfish, but I have finally gotten you all to myself, and I am not ready for the bitter ice age. Do you know which day will be the one you leave me? Do you know where you will be going? If you can say nothing else, please only say you will write.

Reading your letter, I looked out at the gentle clouds of the midday sky but found that it was completely clear. Is the weather any cloudier down there? Perhaps I will have to make a visit. I can say hello to Konoha-san and the others, and feel the warmth of your lips against mine, something I have missed dearly. Many apologies for interrupting your plans to visit my home, but I do not know how much longer I can wait to wrap my arms around you. I miss feeling your weight against mine. I pray this letter does not find itself in your mailbox until my departure. Know that by the time I have gone, I am already missing you again. Our paths will remain intertwined, locked, and bound together until the end of time.

I am excited to watch the clouds with you.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

October 25th, XX06

My Keiji,

I didn’t know you would take the news of me being stationed so rough! My apologies for telling you by written word instead of verbally, but in my defense I didn’t know I’d have the chance to say so soon. I hope that my undivided attention and many kisses were enough to ensure your forgiveness. The look on your face when I look at you says it is, though. I miss waking up with you in my arms, despite it being just yesterday. You move around like a bug when you sleep, did you know that? I don’t mind it, when I wake up there is just a new angle of you to admire. And I don’t mind taking your glasses off for you when you’re already dead asleep, but I pray you don’t forget to do this at your own home as well. Your glasses are going to break if you sleep with them with your restlessness!

Sleeping beside you has been the best sleep I have had in weeks. There is a sense of comfort you bring me that nobody else can. The simple feeling of your hand in my own leaves me defenseless, is that a normal thing to feel? There’s nothing like the quiet morning, waking up with your head on my chest, and being able to lie there for just a few moments more. I thank your terrible sleep schedule for keeping you up.

Maybe I’ll still stop up for a few days, just to hold you for a few more minutes. We can go to the park together and watch the leaves fall. The clouds will still be in the sky, as they always are, and we can bump our heads together as we watch them pass. Does that sound nice?

Make sure to take your glasses off before bed when you are home.

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

November 2nd, XX06

My sweet Koutarou,

You are my last thought before my mind wanders to sleep, the eyes of which I dream of each night, and the first thing on my mind when I awake. I can not imagine a life without you by my side. It sounds exaggerated, but I can assure you it could not be closer to the truth. Just to say, I had a dream of you last night. I wore forest green, and you, an eggshell white. You slowly fell down from the heavens, extending your hand out to me with that dumb smile on your face that I cannot get enough of. I took it, and hand-in-hand we glided over the town, stepping on air as if there was a path set down in the clouds just for us. You laughed as I spoke, and we spent the entire day sightseeing, as if we were flowers in a field, enjoying the cool breeze and the sun's rays. I could not imagine a more peaceful scenery if I tried. I think I would have to describe it as “serene”.

I awoke from my dreams expecting to be in your arms, longing for the feeling of your eyes engraved into my head from your endless staring. Instead, I woke up alone, with a pillow by my side and nothing else. Unfortunately for me, I did end up leaving my glasses on and did end up breaking them. I must go into town today for a new prescription. I am sure you remember my squints of blindness from before you managed to shove me into a doctor’s office. The town must believe I am some sort of hermit at this point, I am not sure when the last time I have shown my face was now that I deliver all of my writings by mail. Every few weeks I will run to the grocery store, but now you have been occupying my time, and most of my meals have been shared with you. I thank you for saving me money, Kou.

Although I am sure you do not wish to hear it, I simply must ask for the betterness of my wellbeing, have you heard back on where or when you will be stationed yet? I pray that they rescind your letter, that they no longer need you anymore, but it would be selfish of me to hold you back like that. Please let me know as soon as you hear back.

I must be going off into town now to fetch myself a pair of glasses. I will be looking up at the sky the entire time. I hope to see you in the clouds, waving down to me.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

November 11th, XX06

My Keiji,

I told you to be careful, did I not?! I must say, it did give me a laugh to read that your only reason for leaving your house was to either visit me or (now) get your glasses fixed. Hermit Keiji may be my favorite Keiji. I can imagine you cramped up with your shoulders leaned over your desk, staring down at your twelfth writing of the day, the blinds not allowing any light in. You should write a short story for the column about a vampire, I’m sure you could base it on your own lifestyle which I mean with all of the love in my heart. Though, maybe it would be good for you to get some sun. It may be too late for the beach, but as the weather gets colder we could go ice skating!

Unfortunately, I haven’t received a letter telling me to stay home, but I’m still not sure when I am leaving which is a good sign. We still have more time together, and I will make sure we make the most of it. Soon I’ll take a trip to the bakery and stop by with all of your favorite pastries, I know you have a sweet tooth. You will receive this after our little day date, so I’m not worried about the surprise being spoiled. Maybe one day I will be able to make all of your favorite sweets myself when we move in together! I can cook for you and you can write for me, one word or thousands, you take your pick. I love everything you do as long as you are the one doing it.

Excited to share our danishes! Rate them for me in your next letter!

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

November 20th, XX06

My handsome Koutarou,

As you requested:

Vanilla meringues = 7.5

They were airy and had a slight crunch on the outside, but melted in my mouth once bit into. A delightful treat, but I must try it a few more times to give a more accurate rating. I think your joking leading to me choking on one brought down the score quite a bit. Perhaps leave your jokes until I am done chewing next time? Just a thought.

Butterscotch cookies = 9.5

Beautifully buttery and smooth, I am surprised you remembered these were one of my favorites. I think that your remembrance made them extra sweet. The last time we had these together was when we were both in school, you snagged some from the bakery to make me smile. I think of the time fondly from now and then. When I look into your eyes, I am reminded of all of our dumb moments together, and I smile knowing we will have many, many more. These cookies serve as a reminder of our stupid, dumb, forever puppy-love romance.

Raspberry tart = 6.5

As sweet as the butterscotch cookies were, I am quite certain you bought these for yourself, as you know I dislike raspberry. Still, I must rate it quite high, because I enjoyed watching you pretend not to know that and then proceed to scarf them down. I do not mind wiping the raspberry off your face, but please try to be less messy next time. At least, try not to be as messy with flavors I do not like.

Buttercream eclair = 8

I found this one a lot tastier than I imagined it would be, as I am not usually one to appreciate the spongy texture of eclairs, but the buttercream tasted heavenly. I could see you watching me take a bite from the corner of my eye. When I looked back towards you, you looked away, and it made me giggle. I did not bring it up at the time, but I thought that I should write it down because it was very cute of you to do.

I love you forever, please never forget that. You are the best thing in my life.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

November 30th, XX06

My Love,

Yet again whilst writing I found myself unable to focus on the task ahead of me as my mind wandered to more thoughts of you, and I felt compelled to write this letter to tell you such. Even so far out of my reach you remain my biggest distraction, a blessing and a curse, but something I would not trade for the all of the riches in the world. You are forever and always my greatest treasure, something I sit back and admire even out of my line of sight, something so rare that only I get to call my own. Your eyes spark embers in my heart, forever burning for more like an addiction that relapses when you depart. Your name lingers in my mouth after you leave though I have no one to speak it to save for you on our late nights together. I envy those who get to speak it out loud on a daily basis, but I am safe in the knowledge that nobody can say it the way I do.

Today I made my weekly public appearance to stop into the bakery. I picked up a dozen butterscotch cookies, far too many for me but I had some extra funds, a miracle considering my work ethic lately. That being said, if you find yourself in town any time soon, I would be delighted to share with you. Perhaps there will be a raspberry tart to go along with it. I have some ice skates in a box in my closet that I have never gotten the chance to use. I used to partake in the sport when I was younger, but the light of that has since died out, recently reignited by your request to go.

I suppose the raspberry flavor is starting to grow on me.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

December 4th, XX06

My Akaashi Keiji,

There is no easy way to say this. I’ll keep this letter short and sweet, as to not burden you with trying to ignore the topic at hand.

I am being stationed in [...] in two weeks. I got the letter this morning. December 26th is my deployment date. That is all the time I have with you for a while, two weeks. I am so sorry, Keiji, I would have told you sooner if I only knew. Apparently it’s pretty urgent, as they’re gathering almost everyone they can. I don’t have a say in if I go or not, but I wish I did. I would run away with you in an instant.

I’m sorry for flipping our lives upside down. If you wish, you can take the train down and stay with me until I have to leave. I know you’re a fan of self-isolation in times of trial, but I would rather not be alone before I have to go into war. So please, for my sake, please stop down. I’ll pay for the train ticket, you’ll be taken care of while you’re here. I just need my Keiji.

Despite how far we’ll be, you will be in my heart forever.

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. The location has been scribbled out and poked through, and the faint watermarks on this page are believed to be tear stains.

Dcember 9th, XX06

My Dear Koutarou,

[...] Please, my love, do not [blme] blame yourself for [som…] something that you could not have [ps…] possibly have predicted. [Please excuse my slooppy handwriting.] I apologize for my lack of eloquence. I coud not possibly make something like this about me when you are the one who must pack up and leave, though please do not interpret that as me not mssing you. [I am so frightened for our time apart.] I know you will do everything you can to return to me safely, [adn] and that is all I could ever ask for.

[I’ll] I will be there tomorrow. You will get this letter by the time I am already there. [Do not brng it up.] Please do not question me about it, just read it quietly and put it with the rest.

You are the light of my life. I had never believed in soulmates, but I know that we are bound together by the stars in heaven. No matter what happens, we will have the time we spent together. Although I will always be selfish asking for more time, I am content in the knowledge that you love me. I hope you feel the same.

I am bringing the ice skates and baked goods. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Your world,

Keiji

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. It is thought that the spelling mistakes were not on purpose, but the consequences of writing with a broken heart. The museum staff was able to re-translate a majority of the crossed-out mistakes.

December 26th, XX06

My Keiji,

I’ll be gone before sunrise, so I left this for you to read. I didn’t want to wake you up. I think you would’ve convinced me to stay home if I asked for a goodbye kiss. I’m drawn to you in our orbit, constantly circling. Leaving you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Please rest assured that I will be home, that we will lay together once again. I will make sure of it.

Keiji, you are by far the best thing in my life, the best thing I’ve ever had the pleasure to call mine. You are the first person I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think before I sleep. If you recognize these sayings it’s because they’re all things you’ve said to me in your letters. I’ve read them so many times they’ve practically become engraved in my mind. You’re the only person to ever talk to me the way you do, nobody else has ever loved me in the way you write about. Then again, I’ve never loved anyone quite like the way I do right now. Being in love with you has been the easiest thing I’ve ever done. You are the most handsome, smart, entrancing, kind, witty man I’ve ever gotten to meet. I wish I could meet you a thousand times over again.

I’ve never been great with my words, but I know a million ways to say I love you, and I will write you every single day and repeat them over and over again. I need you to know just how deeply, how madly in love with you I am. I say it so often and yet I feel like you don’t know the depths of it. I know it won’t help much with the distance between us, but anything to keep us busy will keep us afloat, and I’d rather think of you in a bittersweet manner than ignore my feelings altogether. Please promise me you’ll do the same.

I promise to write every chance I get. I promise to miss you every single day. I hope to look into the clouds and see you waving back at me.

Your star, forever and always,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. There were multiple drafts found hidden in a desk drawer, but they were all deemed illegible.

December 30th, XX06

My wonderful Koutarou,

The words that I am supposed to say seem to have left me. I am without anything but guilt for missing you, knowing that you had no say in the matter, but I cannot help but blame you for leaving me. Not in the form of resentment, but one of fleeting anger, the kind that festers up in one’s chest and leaves them gasping for air. Allow me my tantrum to appease my mind and grant my lungs permission to rid themselves of pent-up oxygen so that I may not explode from the pressure.

I am angry. I am so unbelievably, unexplainably angry and it is debilitating. Although I do not wish to point any fingers at you I am afraid that if I do not, the finger used to point will turn towards myself. And you will forgive me, despite my undeserving of your attention although my stream of apologies is enough to overtake the roughest currents. Why did you leave me? Why could you not have stayed? Why did you not wake me up, grant me the one pleasure of wishing you goodbye? Why did you not allow me to wrap my arms around you one last time? Was that too much to ask? Were you too much of a coward to face me predating your absence because you knew that my scent would linger for just a bit too long? I wish it had. I wish you had to feel the sensation of me wiping my tears on your shoulder, and I wish you had to pry my hands from the fabric of your shirt. Maybe then you would have changed your mind if only I were given the chance to change it.
I say all of this despite knowing that you did not have the choice and that maybe I should allow my finger to point at myself. I do not want to be alone as I once did, hence why I moved away. Do you want to know what caused me to move away? You did, Koutarou. I was afraid my feelings for you would only grow in your presence, but instead they only ached me in your absence. I yearned and bled for you so far away, but the pain was alleviated with your affections and frequent visits. Now I am left wounded and alone again. How could you do this to me? Not even a goodbye kiss? I have gone much longer than four days without you and yet I feel suffocated this time, I look out the window and I don’t see us together on the grass with whiskey in our hands. It is a sickening feeling. It leaves me out of breath.

Please come home. Please give me one more kiss.

Your world,

Keiji

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

January 15th, XX07

My Keiji,

I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, you know that that’s the last thing I want to do. I hate thinking about myself, but you looked so peaceful, and when I sat up you wouldn’t let go of my waist. I had to pry your fingers out of my side without waking you up, one of my hardest challenges yet. But I knew I had to, and your hold on me was almost enough to make me stay. Truthfully, I wish it did. I miss you more and more each day. Either you sent out your letter later than the date you wrote it or it took a long time to get here, but either way, my heart stings with guilt and the crushing feeling of your absence. I think of you every single night. It’s okay that you’re mad at me. [...]

I think that imagining your face on the day of my return is the only thing keeping me going in this place, although you know I love routine it’s something very hard to get used to. The people here aren’t as forgiving as you, and not nearly as beautiful! Luckily there are some faces I recognize so I’m not completely alone. I’m buddied up with a guy from my boot camp, he’s got stupid hair and a guy waiting for him at home too. He’s got a picture of him in a locket, hidden from the rest of our “coworkers” and he’s not a boring guy, so that’s good. The best thing about him is that I can talk to him about you. I can’t tell you how many dreams I’ve had of you, and then woken up with my arms around my pillow. Your weight against mine was something I should’ve cherished more when I had it. When I get home we should get [...] Sorry if that sounds stupid, I can’t help how crazy I am for you!

I snagged the letters before I left, so I’ll always have a piece of you with me! Even if you’re mad at me for leaving you, I’ll love you forever.

Your star,

Koutarou ♡♡♡

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners. There are words that could not be made out due to the quality of the paper.

January 31st, XX07

My Beloved Koutarou,

I would like to apologize for my outburst in my previous letter, immense feelings of shame, guilt, and mourning overtook me and I allowed myself to pick up my pen. Even in my inebriated state, I should have known better than to take those feelings out on you. You did nothing to deserve my wrath, and I will beg for forgiveness until I am on my deathbed with you by my side. Though, I’m sure you will call it unnecessary. You are so simple sometimes, I miss that easy feeling. It makes me feel free, I hope that I can feel it soon. I apologize for not being able to let go of you, but really could you blame me? Listen to yourself, you romantic. Am I not supposed to be tempted by your natural optimism? What kind of man do you take me for?

I am delighted to hear that you have made a friend, though I cannot say I was too concerned about you and your ability to socialize. Another thing I love about you, how instinctually kind you are. Do you remember when you first approached me, despite me knowing nobody in the room? I was the polite little boy and you were an excitable oaf, adorable but still an oaf, and you immediately attached yourself to my side. On another related note, I cannot believe I did not understand that you were interested in me sooner with how nearly dependent you were on me! I must yet again apologize, this time for moving away from you. I suppose this distance between us is not new after all. I cannot say the thought helps me miss you less, but the fact that we were able to close the gap once brings me a bit of comfort.

Unfortunately, it seems that letters take longer to send and deliver because of how far apart we are, a most dastardly revelation. This means that you will have to write multiple days in a row because I fully intend to send many letters about my days whilst missing you. If you intend to do the same, so be it. I would love to hear about how you are doing no matter what, but I understand if you only have so much paper you can use. Your sisters tell me they miss you, I visited them today with gifts from the bakery. They told me to command you to write to them, but I am sure you already have.

Missing you never gets any easier, my writings in the paper have been rather melancholic lately. Please remind me again when you will visit.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. The frequent letters talked about were either not recovered or not written.

February 18th, XX07

My Keiji,

I can’t say this place is great, it’s so hot all the time and we never get many breaks. I am definitely more used to the intense workouts than the other guys, even my bunkmate has some complaints every now and then, but it’s still tough to work through. I keep thinking back to our bakery date. Man, those raspberry tarts sound good right now! The food here kind of sucks, it’s very bland and hard to chew. If I were home right now, I’d be cooking for you while you write and heating up tea. You’d smile up at me and I’d kiss your forehead, then you’d get back to work and I’d go for a run and think of you the whole time. Maybe you’d come with me, maybe you’d be too tired, either way is alright with me. I can’t wait for the life that awaits me when I get home.

Sadly, I only have so many letters I can send out a month so I’ve been writing longer ones instead. This life is pretty exhausting, not much reward for all the work we’re doing out here, but I can live with it. Knowing you’re waiting for me gets me through my day, and soon enough being able to come home to you will be the finest reward anyone could offer. I’ve been thinking about that locket thing my bunkmate has. Next time you send a letter, do you think you could attach one? I’ll hide it away in my left chest pocket, a little secret just for you and me. I miss being able to look at your face, and although your smile is etched into my eyes forever I want to be able to give you a little kiss when I’m lonely.

Drop off more pastries for my sisters when you get the chance, please! There should be change in one of my drawers, just enough for you to get a butterscotch cookie with it. I’m sure they’ll be happy with a couple of raspberry tarts. They’ve always liked you, by the way.

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners.

March 2nd, XX07

My brave Koutarou,

Attached is a locket. I went and got a professional headshot done, please be careful with it. I have only done this because you specifically asked for this, you know my disdain for the cameras. I only wish I had one in return with the two of us together. When you return we shall set up a date to get pictures taken together, although I hate sitting there for so long it will be so much more bearable with you by my side, as most things are.

It has been three months since you left me. Not that I blame you, I know better than that, but still, I cannot help myself but stare at the calendar waiting for your return. It is stupid and corny of me to say, but I cannot give myself the motivation to write without you. You have always been my inspiration, not just to write but to live. Speaking of, recently I have had to spend a lot more money on groceries as I have not been able to stop and eat at your house. This has become much of an inconvenience for me, so please do get home soon. You know I am not a fan of stopping into town.

I have also attached some of my writing from the paper, I know you have always been a fan of my work. I presume you do not have the opportunity to read my columns whilst on the job, so I figured this was the next best thing, although it will be late by some time. I will make sure not to publish this one until weeks from now so that you can be the first to read it. I trust you not to blab to my publishers of this betrayal.

Despite my playful tone, I am suffering without you. Loneliness is a plague that I cannot shake. I do not know how much longer I can stare into the darkness, waiting to see eyes that match yours. Is that pathetic?

Your world forever,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. The mentioned attachments were not recovered by the museum.

March 17th, XX07

My Keiji,

Thank you for the gift of the locket, I put it next to my heart, and next to my heart it will remain! Of course, that’s only until I get home and can hold you close again. It’s just a small placeholder, just so I can look into your eyes again. I miss them every single day. My apologies if my kissing something other than you will make you jealous, but I promise it’s just the glass of the locket! Work has been nothing less than excruciating, so it’s nice to remember who I am fighting for. That’s you if you couldn’t tell. Thank you for including your writing, it’s been one of the things I’ve missed most of all. There isn’t much in terms of entertainment out here, mostly hard work and early mornings in hot climates. Every now and then I’ll crack a joke with my bunkmate. He says he misses his lover every day, I genuinely think the longing is driving him mad. But who can blame him really? I’m sure I’m doing the same for you in his eyes.

Your words never cease to amaze me, Keiji. I think I could read them over and over again and find a new little quirk in each one. But I think I could do that with you in general, too. Thank you for giving me the chance to yet again go over every little detail in your face. You know, I’ve always been a big-picture guy. It’s always been more about the destination than the journey. But I think you’ve changed me. I can look into your eyes and see millions of stars from the light reflecting, and I think about how much I want to sit there and count every single one. You are so indescribably beautiful, I wonder if this is all pouring out because after three and a half long months I can see your face again.

The stress of being away from you has started to manifest physically, as I’ve been cursed by a stomachache as of recent. All I do all day is miss you, I am constantly drifted away from what my body is doing and instead focused on our memories together. Perhaps if I return in nice weather, we can once again go to the beach. I have yet to see you swim! I will gladly let you relax on my back if you can’t swim, and I pinky promise not to laugh at you for your inability. Maybe.

I’m afraid I’ve been struck by your plague as well. I miss you more than words can explain.

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners.

March 25th, XX07

My Keiji,

I’m sorry for writing again so soon without giving you a chance to write back but I had to reach out again. Everything has been so tiring lately, truthfully you’re the only thing holding me together. I lay awake at night and stare up at the moon. On the one hand, I hope you’re staring too so that we remain connected in some way, but on the other I hope that you’re fast asleep, resting well. I know that the first is more likely, the entire time I’ve known you, you’ve always stayed up far later than I have.

Lately my stomachache has been getting worse, and I’ve been a bit dizzy and sweaty to go along with it. I don’t think I can handle our long distance anymore. This past week has been abysmal for me, so much so that they’ve even sent me back to camp early a few times. All I have to keep me company are your letters and your picture, thank god I have them!

Writing has been a bit of a pain for me so I hope you don’t mind that my letters are a bit shorter. Please know that I love you more than all of the world combined. Please send more clippings of your writing, I miss being able to wake up early and grab the newspaper just so I could read your words. It would make me feel a lot better!

I’m so tired. [...]

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners. Some words have been crossed out. Because of the paper used, museum staff was unable to retranslate.

April 11th, XX07

My Koutarou,

Oh no, my dear, I hope you are feeling better now. There is nothing worse I could have asked for than for you to be feeling under the weather whilst so far from home. If you were here I would prepare a nice soup and lightly scold you for being so irresponsible and allowing yourself to get sick. But none of that really matters, because you’re not here. And you’re still sick. I pray that you get better soon. I do not want you to feel under the weather when you stop by for our beach trip, however, I will gladly take care of you if that is the case. I am sorry for rambling. I am just worried.

Please try not to overwork yourself if you are feeling bad. I know that is easy to say for me and hard to do for you, but you must know that overexerting yourself is nothing but bad news. You are the only thing I have left besides my writing, and I really do not wish to lose you. You will call me dramatic and say I overthink, I know you will because I know you. But I cannot help myself. When you wrote back to me saying how you felt, I knew I had something to live towards besides myself, and it felt nice. I no longer had to be alone. I do not want to be alone anymore, so please try to remain safe and healthy. As long as you are okay, I am okay.

Attached is I writing I wrote for the paper today. Apologies that I cannot promise that you are the first to read it, but who knows, maybe the newspaper will go out of business and you will be the one person to receive my column. There are a million different possibilities, and I suppose that is one of them. Arguably not very good for me, but that does not matter. As long as you are happy. I hope this makes you feel even the tiniest bit better.

I care for you always. Please rest for me. I promise to do the same for you.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. The mentioned attachment was not recovered by the museum.

April 29th, XX07

My Keiji,

I have unfortunate news. I seemed to have developed a nagging cough, and annoyingly it won’t go away. I’m not that worried though, it doesn’t seem to be anything major. I’ve still been working as usual, but as you requested I’ve tried to rest a bit more than I had been. Sleeping hasn’t been easy, but I love doing things to make you happy, so I’m happy to try! Most nights I end up staring at the wall, picturing us together until I’m lulled to sleep. Mostly all I can see is your smile and your eyes, but that’s alright, those are two of my favorite things to look at! It’s been rough, I won’t lie to you, but I will get through this. Soon I will be in your arms again and everything will be alright. I truly do believe that.

I’m still thinking about our beach trip. Do you think you’ll go into the water with me? I promise we don’t have to go in too deep, just enough to look for little fish near our feet. All I got to do last time was splash you from ten feet away, and we weren’t even together yet. I think that I am owed one good swim for all the work I’m doing out here! But whether you agree or not, I’m sure I’ll find a way to get you in the water. I’m not sure what you’re so scared of, I promise I won’t let any sharks get to you.

Thank you for the writing. I love the way you write about the stars so often, and how you like learning about the various stories behind the constellations. It’s so beautiful to me how much you thirst for knowledge. You say you have nothing but me, but I promise you are so much more than just your feelings for others. You are all the love in your heart, for others and items and ideologies. You are everything great in the world, Keiji, I wish you could see that. You don’t need me to be you. But I’m also a bit of a hypocrite, as I do admit I couldn’t picture a life without you. I hope you can look past that!

Please drop off some raspberry tarts to my sisters for me. I love you so much.

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners.

May 13th, XX07

My Dear Koutarou,

Are you positive you are doing alright, Kou? I know that you have a bothersome tendency to downplay your physical well-being, and I pray that now is not one of those instances. I worry about you constantly, please be perfectly honest with me about your status so that I can let go of the breath trapped in my lungs. I do not want any surprises, please grant me that. Know that even though I am miles away I will always be right by your side. In sickness and in health, as some would say. Has your cough gotten any better? Do you still have that stomachache? Update me when you get the chance. Make sure to drink plenty of water and rest as much as you can, as difficult as that may be right now. If I could send tea through the mail there would be leaves at the bottom of the envelope.

I hope that it remains forever evident that I am truly, madly in love with you. There is not a single setback or complication that will put out the flame in my heart. No, it grows evermore, rising to the height of the clouds as the smoke continuously encapsulates the sky in a blanket of fiery heat. That being said, I have recently made the decision to put up some photographs of you in my house. More specifically, pictures of us together playing volleyball as kids, happy and in love without the knowledge of what love truly was. I am happy to announce that I can now properly define such a term, you have given me all the experience I could ever need for one lifetime. I pray you come home soon so that you can keep twisting the definition in my mind.

I will make sure to keep writing about the stars if it makes you happy. I stand at my window restlessly staring up at the night sky. The stars are so visible and beautiful when all of the lights go out. I have been debating charting them, not for any of my writings but just for me. I picked up a few more books on constellations from the library this week, so I suppose I have been less of a hermit than usual. I am sure that is something you find hard to believe, as you know me as the less-than-sociable Akaashi Keiji, but I am trying to do all of the things I know will make you happy. Especially now that you are unwell. Again, please update me on how you are feeling when you can. Thank you.

I love you. Please get better.

Your world,

Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

May 27th, XX07

My Keiji,

Writing has been tough for [mme] me. I am sorry if this letter is [poor] unassuming. I promise that I am trying. I have been sleeping more and drinking water, but my hands keep shaking and it is [ha] hard to do anything. I have been grantd indefinite leave from work until I feel better and have been in the [infa] infirmary forthe past few days. But on the bright side they’ve been giving me lots of cough syrup so my [conge] congestion has been a lot better!

My hands are very [sh] shaky so I’m sorry if this is hard to read. My head hurts really bad so I’m going to keep this letter short so that I can recover [fsater] faster. I know you would like that! Please keep writing to me, your letters are my biggest encouragement.

I love you even when it hurts to write it.

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners. Certain words were crossed out and rewritten due to being illegible. There are small watermarks believed to be tear stains.

June 13th, XX07

My sweet Koutarou,

I have attempted to write this letter at least three times and have come up short in each and every iteration. I sit staring at my pen in my shaking hand, trying to find the words to accompany how I am feeling right now. I am being overdramatic, I know that and I know that you think the same thing, but I cannot help myself. What can I say? You always find ways to surprise me, whether it benefits me or not. I hope that made you smile a bit.

I worry for you constantly, now more than ever. Please keep resting and focus on your health over all else, which includes me. Though that has always been a problem for you. Even in your own sickness, you are still thinking about me, which I could not in a million years ask of you to do. I often wonder how I got so lucky, how little ol’ me managed to attract the brightest star in the sky. You are my own personal angel, as I watched you descend down from the heavens and into my life. I knew I could not shut you out as hard as I tried to. You are tied to me by a string of fate, and I will forever remain yours until the day I pass on.

Today I went into town to buy a couple more books for my collection. I have always been a writer, but my passion for reading has dwindled over the years. I think it is time to change that. Because I know there is not much to do for entertainment where you are, as I read I will write down my favorite passages. I think it will be nice to give both of us a hobby. I think we both need one.

I will make sure to send more letters for you to read. You do not need to respond, I would much rather you preserve your strength for recovery. Maybe I will stop by your sisters’ house today with some gifts. After that I think I’ll visit your house and clean up a little bit, just awaiting your return. I love you.

Your world,

Keiji ♡♡♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. Any drafts mentioned were not recovered.

June 17th, XX07

My entrancing Koutarou,

I visited your sisters again today, and they pulled me into a bear hug the moment that I stepped through the door. It reminded me of you, so I thought that I should write to you. I know it has not been long since my last letter, and I sincerely hope it is not costing you too much energy to read. The entire house was infected by your scent, and how I missed it. My chest ached with every breath, and the hot tears stung my eyes. Your sisters were quick to comfort me. They remind me so much of you, and I would like to once again reiterate that I miss you every single day of my life. If nothing else, I am very glad to have these little reminders of your company, though I am not sure it will ever compare to having you here. I call upon the heavens in the depth of my mind to connect our minds so that the physicality of it all ceases to matter, but miracles fall thin in times like these.

I have with me a small glass of whiskey neat, I have been stirring it around in my hand for minutes as I contemplate what to write. Every time I try I feel as if my words are not worthy of your eyes, that the inner voice in your mind reading them will reject them in some way. It leaves me shaken in a way that I cannot explain, and so I grab my whiskey bottle and pour a glass. But it is hardly any help. The sentences stop in my mind before they are barely able to be formed, and I quit halfway. This has been the entirety of my past few days. My writing for work has dwindled the same way. I am sorry for being so negative. I know that you would worry about me. I do not want that.

I think I am beginning to like the taste of raspberry tarts. I began baking recently, as I have stated we both need hobbies. I was going to leave it as a surprise, to have them sitting out on the table on the date you get home, but I cannot help myself. I have never been good at keeping secrets when it came to you, I guess that some things never change. With my many failed attempts, I have been consuming a lot of raspberries. You have very good taste, Kou.

My apologies for not being able to attach one of my writings as I usually do. Unfortunately, I have been stricken by writer’s block. It seems I am not as fantastic of a writer without my number one muse with me, so please come home soon. I love you.

Your world,

Keiji ♡♡♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

June 26th, XX07

My Keiji,

I’m sorry for not writing a lot. Luckily, one of the nice nurses offered to write this for me, so if the handwriting is a little foreign that’s why! I miss you a whole bunch. My cough has been getting worse, it’s been hard for me to talk recently so I have to keep this short. I hope you can forgive me. I haven’t been able to move much lately, mostly all I do is listen to the nurses and hold onto my locket. It’s still my favorite thing I have! I have your letters next to me. Reading them makes me so happy. Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am that you love me. There are so many people out there that don’t get to know your love like I do. No matter how I’m feeling, I think that makes me the luckiest man alive. I could live a thousand lifetimes and still remember the butterflies in my stomach when I see you smile. I can’t believe some people will never experience that! I don’t know how much longer this sickness’ll last. I’ll update you the second I get any news.

Please keep writing to me. I miss your voice.

Your star,

Koutarou

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners.

July 12th, XX07

My shining Koutarou,

It pains me to hear about you being so unwell, Kou. I wish there were more I could do, I would be at your side in an instant if possible. I am trying my hardest to remain collected for you, as I know you hate when I worry, but I really cannot help myself at this moment. You have been the most important person in my life since the moment I met you. You give me boundless energy and you wish for nothing in return save for my presence, I will never find someone like you. Without you I fear that I will fade into darkness, spinning endlessly through a void that can give me nothing. I do not want our dance to end, please let me stay with you forever. It is incredibly selfish of me, and I know that, and I am sure I will regret sending this for the rest of my life.

My knuckles have become stained red with blood as I pick at them, anxiously awaiting another letter from you. Though do not take that as a sign that I wish for you to waste your energy writing to me, I am simply awaiting the worst. You and me are very separate in that regard, your natural optimistic nature strays farther from me just as you do. It is a curse to have this pessimistic dread, and I pray every day that you return with your glee, and my worries will wash away. You always know just how to comfort me, and I hope that I can do the same to you.

I think back on all of our time together and, even in my emotional state now, I cannot help but crack a small smile. You are truly a spectacle in everything that you do. I am the luckiest man in the world for being able to spend any time with you, there are countless people that cannot say they have. I am so incredibly fortunate that I have gotten to see you in a light that nobody else has, and I will never take the time I have been blessed with you for granted. I may be an idiot, but I am no fool. I hope this is apparent to you.

I have been staying in your home for a few days while I visit your sisters, I hope that you do not mind. I promise that I have been keeping the place tidy, although I am sure you are not very concerned about that. You have never been the most organized man in the world. I recall the instance when you lost a train ticket in your backpack because you had not cleaned it in weeks. At the time I grumbled, but now it makes me laugh a bit. I miss your antics. Anyway, I recently picked up some flowers that I think you will like. If you visit at any point, I will make sure to have a bouquet out for you. Anything to make you happy.

May we dance together, forever in orbit, bound until the end of time. I love you.

Your world,

Keiji ♡♡♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

July 25th, XX07

My Dearest Keiji,

I didn’t want to tell you this but the infirmary staff insisted, so I’m having a nurse write this out for me.

[...]

[...]

[...]

I wanted to leave you blind to this, but I’m scared it’s all coming to an end, and I don’t want you to be unprepared. I’m sorry Keiji. I wish there was something I could do. I want to come home to you [but I’m afraid I never will.] I hope you can forgive me. You know that I want to so badly. [...] [We were supposed to live our entire lives together.] It’s unfair. Everything hurts and nothing is working like it’s supposed to. They don’t know what I have so they don’t know how to fix it. [I’m so sorry Keiji. If I were stronger I’d be home with you. I’m sorry I can’t be strong enough.] [...] Please keep sending me letters. Please. I’m sorry to ask anything of you but I need to. [I don’t want to … scared and …] [I don’t want to … .] I want to be home with you, my head in your hands, laying on the grass, with the only thing on my mind being how much I love you. You are the best thing to ever enter my life, and [when I am to …, you will be the last thought before my final breath.]

I know you are a writer, but I am not your sun, and you are not a planet. You are Akaashi Keiji, and I am just the man who fell in love with you. You do not need to be anything but yourself, [and you do not need me to live.] Keep living and writing for me.

For the love of my life, from his star,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. Many things were crossed out in an ink separate than was written with, and only some sentences were able to be retranslated. The small watermarks on the page are believed to be tear stains.

Augst 12 XX06

My Bokuto Koutarou,

Please say you’re pullling some sort of cruel prank onme. Please tell me that youare lying and that you are getting better.

Please tell me you’re okay even if it’s not true.

Akaashi Keiji

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. The small watermarks on the page are believed to be tear stains, and the misspellings are believed to be unintentional.

August 26th, XX07

My Akaashi Keiji,

Okay. Then I am okay.

I love you.

Your star forever, no matter what,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners. The small watermarks on the page are believed to be tear stains.

September 9th, XX07

My irreplaceable Koutarou,

I am so very sorry for how I reacted in my previous letter. I should not have pressured you into lying to me, and it was an incredibly selfish thing to send out. If I could take it back I would hide it in the depths of my mind for you never to see. You do not deserve this behavior from me, and I am endlessly sorry. I love you so much. I hope you know that.

Please do not feel the need to reply. I know that you must be exhausted right now, and I want you to be as at peace as possible. You deserve to relax, although knowing you, you must be itching to get up and run into my arms. I wish you could. I would hold you for the rest of my life if you were here. You taught me that there is no such thing as impossible. You taught me many, many things. There will never be another Bokuto Koutarou in my life.

I am sorry for being emotional, I did not write a draft before writing this, likely a bad idea on my part. Although I am a writer it seems there are still bad habits I cannot break, such as skipping straight to the final copy. Luckily I have been given quite a bit of time to calm down from my previous outburst, but please do not mistake that as me being alright. I am preemptively mourning you, holding the few things I have of yours close to my heart as I write. I pray for a miracle, but that is unlikely. We were given such little time together. I think of it as a cruel joke from the heavens. I have been shown my soulmate and yet he is being ripped from my grasp. I wish you had woke me up.

I will write to you every day if it makes you smile. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Your world for the remainder of time,

Your Akaashi Keiji ♡♡♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. The small watermarks on the page are believed to be tear stains.

September 13th, XX07

My beautiful Koutarou,

I went out and picked up some more flowers from the boutique today, some pink tulips and white roses. They gave me an extra, though I am not quite sure why, as I do not recall seeing anything about any sales. Although maybe I am just bringing good luck today. What a pleasant thought. I hope it transfers to you and leaves you with tranquility, even if for just a few hours. I do not wish for you to suffer, and I hope that you know that, I am sorry if it is not clear enough.

After I picked up the bouquet I yet again stopped by your sisters’ house. They say that they miss you dearly and are glad you have been writing. Judging by the sour, sullen mood throughout the house, I trust that you have already written to them about your condition. I tried my best to comfort the two, but I know that they truly just miss you. Your impact on those around you will be felt until time ceases to exist, and I will make sure that your story will be told. I can only wish for more time for you, but knowing my usual luck it will come up short. I am glad I got to give you all of me before you left me if nothing else. At least I got to lay in your arms and think about how much I loved you. I will always have those memories.

I have been writing more often for work, though I am not sure how much you will like them, as they are rather depressive. Though you cannot blame me for that, I am sure. As much as you want to spare me the pain, it is better that I feel it. I have been given the chance to love you, and in one way or another, it was always going to end in mourning. What is grief if not love manifesting itself physically one last time? I am incredibly lucky that I have gotten the chance to miss something as great as you, and it will never, ever be something that I regret doing.

Attached is a petal from the flower given to me by the boutique. I love you so very much.

Your world, forever and always,

Akaashi Keiji ♡♡♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling.

September 14th, XX07

My star, Koutarou,

I am writing this to you early morning to tell you that last night I had a dream that we were both old. You sat at my bedside as I sat up drinking tea, and you smiled at me and kissed the top of my head. I smiled at you, told you that you were ridiculous, and kept sipping. You laughed at me and engulfed me in a hug which almost made me spill my tea, but I did not mind. Instead, I placed my tea on our bedside table, put my hand in your hair, and told you about my day. And you sat there and listened. I cannot remember much of the rest, but I know that I sat there feeling the most content and at peace I have felt since we laid together in the grass. An earthly feeling took over me, the sun shone down on us through the window as if we were two small flowers sitting together in a nice pot. It was tranquil, serene even.

I woke up crying, begging for more of that domestic dream. I think that we would have made two beautiful old people with one beautiful life together, and I would have been happy lying in your arms and eating raspberry tarts until I became too old to remember my own name. Now your life is being cut short, and although one day I will be too old to remember mine, I am sure I will always remember the way your voice sounded calling my name, the way your eyes glimmered in the sunlight as they locked with mine. You are and always will be my first thought in the morning, the voice in my head as I drift to sleep, and the short, choppy air in my lungs as I breathe my final breath. Maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe it will be tens of years in the future. If nothing else, I have learned how unpredictable and unfair life can be. I will never understand how to accept its patterns. You [were] are better at that than me.

I will always have you in my dreams. I love you. I love you.

Your world in every universe,

Your Akaashi Keiji ♡♡♡

*This letter is written on rag paper, a type of paper commonly used in the period this letter was sent. Uses were more casual, for things such as letters and journaling. Some words have been scribbled out but were able to be retranslated by museum staff.

September 17th, XX07

My Dear Akaashi Keiji,

I love you. Please look for me in the stars in the vast night sky when you miss me.

You are the best thing I’ve ever gotten the pleasure to call mine. Thank you for making my short life worthwhile. I wouldn’t trade our time together for the world. We will dance together again someday.

Your star,

Bokuto Koutarou

*This letter was written on wood pulp paper, a paper that is quite difficult to maintain over time and was widely regarded to be one of the cheapest papers of the time. This explains the yellow tint and mangled corners. The signature is believed to be the last word written by Bokuto Koutarou, as it is in a different, much more mangled handwriting than the rest of the letter. The small watermarks on the page are believed to be tear stains.

September 18th, XX07

Dear Akaashi Keiji,

We regret to inform you of soldier Bokuto Koutarou’s passing earlier this afternoon on Monday, September 18th, XX07 due to an undiagnosed illness contracted by unknown circumstances. He requested that you be notified at the time of his death, so this mail has been placed in priority. He suffered a long battle with his illness before his eventual death, but he did not go down without a fight. He spoke highly of you in particular. Despite his sickness, he was happy to talk about you, never without a smile on his face.

We are very sorry for your loss, and we wish you an easy grieving period. He was a good man with a big heart.

There is nothing that can be said to ease the mourning, as this cannot be an easy loss for you. We hope that your life together was filled with happiness. He was quite keen on writing to you as often as he could despite his condition.

Best regards,

General [...]

Commander of [...]

[...] Infirmary Hospital

*This letter is written on parchment paper, a more durable, expensive type of paper usually used for story-writing or legal documents. The small watermarks on the page are believed to be tear stains.

November 5th, XX07

My love forever, Bokuto Koutarou,

There are no words to describe how dull life has been without you, I am afraid they all only seem to downplay just how bleak it is, but I will try. I sit at my desk quietly, eating raspberry tarts from our favorite bakery, and I write for the paper. I write about the stories of constellations and how human nature drives us to make up things for what we cannot understand. I sip my whiskey and tend to our flowers. Every morning, I wake up, make my bed, and do my work. I make my food, brush my teeth, and then sleep. For the first few weeks, I still waited for your letters, almost as if I had forgotten– no, denied– your death. It was nothing more than a foolish coping mechanism and I knew it, and still I kept my ears perked for the slight knock of the mailman, as if some miracle could come out of the blue and awaken your still heart. I still hear it sometimes, not in the manner of guilt such as the tell-tale heart, but as I did with my head against your chest. In the deep silence that haunts this house, I hear the tip-tap rhythm that lulled me to sleep so very long ago. I hold it close to my heart.

I ask myself sometimes why you had to go, why could it not have been me instead? You were so young and happy, you had so much ahead of you, and I was a simple writer with only your heart to my name. How cruel of the universe to take the only thing I had to look forward to at the end of the day. I suppose that, although you were the only one with the funeral, a part of me lay in the casket with you. I am still trying to find that part of me, as I know you would rather me move on with just the memory of you than stay glued to the physicality of it all. It is a very hard thing to do, to accept that I will never share a glance with you again. I promise you that I am trying. I know that you appreciate the effort, and I think in a very bittersweet way, that makes it even harder.

I still speak with your sisters whenever I have the opportunity to do so. I come over with a basket full of our favorite sweets and foods, and we talk about all of the time spent with you. At first, it was very depressing, more of a group counseling than healing, but now I find myself laughing at your ridiculous behaviors. I wish I had gotten to know you when we were younger.

I find myself thinking “I wish” a lot when I imagine you. There were so many things I never got to say to you when you were alive. I wish I had gotten to tell you how much I loved your voice and your laugh. I wish I had told you that I wanted to marry you someday. I wish I had told you sooner how much I loved you. I wish we had gotten to go on more dates together. I wish we had gotten to experience the loveliness of spring as a couple. I wish I could have wrapped my arms around you one more time. I wish I had the chance to tell you I loved you one more time. I wish you had woken me up the day you left me. I wish I told you all of this before you passed. I wish we had more time.

I do not know if I will ever be as happy as I once was. I think that it will get better, and I will start reaching out to my friends. I think that someday I will smile as big as I did when we were friends, but I do not think that I will ever feel the intense contentment that I did when you looked at me and I could feel all of the love in the world envelope me with just one glimpse.

Last night I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air and came face to face with an owl with the same great horns as you. I once wrote to you about a similar situation, and I am not sure if it was the same owl. We stared at each other for a few moments until he cooed and flew away. But there was a second, a brief moment where time stopped and I could see into his eyes. They were golden, a mix of shimmers and a fiery orange that drew me in. In the dim light coming from my window, I was able to see the smallest bit of my reflection. I wondered if its eyes looked like the stars in the night sky when reflected in mine. You said that often about yours.

Thank you for paying me a visit, Kou. The days have gotten quite slow without you. I love you forever.

Your world,

Akaashi Keiji ♡

*This letter is written on parchment paper, a more durable, expensive type of paper usually used for story-writing or legal documents. This letter has no send address or return address and was found in the drawer of the author’s desk. It was sealed in an envelope by red wax in the shape of a heart, and dried up rose petals were scattered along the bottom of the paper. This is the last letter ever written by Akaashi Keiji addressed to Bokuto Koutarou.