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Everyone was enjoying the small party. It was her own idea to reunite all of their friend group from college. They were still in contact frequently but it was the first time in two years that they took a night for themselves at the beach. Each of the friends came with friends too, so at the end there were a good number of people.
She wandered from groups to groups without really staying in one, she tried to add things to the conversations here and there, but it didn’t feel like anything she said really added anything relevant. And even when she wanted to add something nice, someone else was often interrupting her, or no one was really paying attention.
At first it was okay. Really. With the music and all it was possible they simply didn’t hear her at all. But after it happened three times she started to feel a little less fine. And her mood began to worsen.
And she certainly didn’t want her own mood to affect anyone tonight, it was a good evening for everyone. So she decided to take some time by herself near the ocean. And once there, far away from the little crowd, the small wind felt chilling.
She liked the feeling of the water, it felt calming. The wind in her hair too, was a soothing sensation, with the faint sound of chatter in the background.
Rationally, she knew very well neither of her friends was consciously putting her to the side. She knew that, really. But seeing her own party going on, and without anyone noticing she left. She couldn’t help feeling bad.
Except someone did notice, after some time searching for her with his gaze. And she wouldn’t admit it, but feeling the guy sitting beside her on the sand did appease her a bit. She knew who that was without looking, maybe it was the presence, the build, the perfume. Even herself didn’t know how she’d guess right away.
“Are you okay ? Aren’t you cold here ?” Was what he carefully said. If she needed any confirmation that it really was Fuma seated next to her, the deep voice definitely confirmed it. “Yeah, just been thinking for a bit, ‘m fine Fu’.”
And maybe it was the pensive tone she couldn’t suppress, but an arm was gently sneaking around her shoulders, not quite touching her back, as she subtly melted into the touch. This faint touch felt grounding, like he was saying “I’m here” without quite saying it. The hand on her shoulder was firm, but also soft, the large extent of his palm warming her shoulder.
“Do you want to talk about this ?” He said, not above a whisper as her gaze was still to the waves, the ocean was calm and the moon was reflecting on it. “It’s stupid, don’t worry. You should go back there.” Not that she wanted him to go back. But the party was one occasion that won’t probably happen again before months.
And she expected him to go back, with the way he once again shifted beside her. But he only sat closer, with his arm now fully embracing her. She was now hyper aware of the distance between them, they both were millimeters away from really touching, both of their sides so close that one single movement would make a contact there too.
Usually, she wasn’t one for physical proximity, and they both knew this. That’s why she felt like the boy was a little unsure about it. But strangely, she didn’t feel uncomfortable at all.
“I…” She began, and she could feel his stare on her, unmoving. “I didn’t feel like I was needed there, nobody was talking to me and.. yeah, I know it’s futile and I should know that nobody was doing it on purpose but…”
The hand on her shoulder only made a comforting caress on her upper arm as he listened, waiting for her to really finish. “You’re okay, you have the right to feel insecure, we should’ve been more attentive, next time I’ll be careful.”
And she smiled lightly, it was simple really. But it was exactly what she needed to hear right now. She let her head fall on his shoulder, still looking at the waves. His sweater was soft under her cheek as she could feel the boy tensing for a second before sighing.
Maybe it was the tiredness, maybe tonight she was vulnerable and he was there. Maybe if it was anyone else she would’ve done the same thing. But then again, anyone else would’ve already left her the first time. Anyone else wouldn’t even see she left in the first place.
And maybe it was cowardice for her to think that, maybe it was simpler than that.
“Why didn’t we contact each other more often ?” Because if it wasn’t a coincidence, they wouldn’t have seen each other that much in those years. It was strange, since they were always together before.
And the only thing he had to answer was a low shrug. Maybe it wasn’t that simple. Maybe they complicated things at the time.
“Hey.” He said, breaking the silence. This time her head lifted from his shoulder to fully look at him, holding his gaze for the first time this night with as much courage as she could gather.
“Do you regret ?” He asked and she frowned lightly. “Not contacting me, I mean.” And she understood the meaning, the clear undertone laying there in between them. That and his gaze felt too much as she directed her own to the letters imprinted on his sweater, not quite registering them.
The arm around her shoulder was sliding, letting the cold embrace her instead and two hands were cradling her face, delicately holding it. Both of her own hands were absentmindedly wrapping around his wrists, not quite comprehending anything as her eyes shifted toward him.
Her face felt warm under his touch and his gaze, and she could only look at him at this moment. “Please.” He said -asked ?- his voice always so gentle. And she could only nod faintly as his lips brushed lightly against hers. Maybe it didn’t even happen with how soft it felt.
She let her head fall on his chest, both of his arms now fully embracing her as her own were shyly encircling his torso. Her cheek was near his heart as she could feel it pounding.
The party surely could wait, as the both of them really didn’t want to move right now.
And maybe it was his perfume, the way his heart was beating, the warmth he was emitting, or the faint noise of the party and the waves collapsing. But she didn’t think she could feel as good as she was feeling right now.