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It was a rainy day, the clouds were grey, the wilted flowers around the coffin drenched in the rain, and he too was, in fact, drenched in the rain. Tears mixed up with the rain drops, thoughts running through his head, so many ifs and buts.. he knew the unsettling reality of the death of a loved one. Even so, there is a journey such as leaving home, traveling in a group by car or train. The arriving and meeting of friends, relatives and complete strangers. A service being carried out by the Minister. A leaving of the Church towards the funeral plot. Watching the sequence of burial then leaving the funeral service and burial feeling broken up inside, but he was too broken to leave, he stood there, no umbrella, he couldn’t care anymore.
It was all his fault, wasn’t it? He simply could have stopped this from happening, but did he? No he didn’t. He just watched, stood there and did nothing. He certainly managed to let her down, the only one who called him a hero, her hero. He failed to save the girl he loved. He watched her die, and couldn’t do a thing about it.
He would never forget her “Kanata…” he said, looking down on the coffin, opening it a little to see her face one last time, “i am sorry, i failed you.” He cried more, the rest was some loud cries, sorry wasn’t enough. It won’t change a thing
He would remember how he got here, if only he could move faster.. if only his legs moved. Ifs and buts won’t change a thing. The traumatic sight was on his mind repeatedly.
Kanata, submerged in the water, they were just having a normal walk by the beach, started off with them holding hands, going on a nice date, it was wonderful. But happiness never lasts, does it?
He was sitting on the shore, admiring her, as she walked more, deeper into the water, she loved floating, so much that she would lay on the water and let the sea embrace her, carry her lightly around, it was nice wasn’t it? But again not everything lasts
An unexpected tide, crashing by, how could he not see it coming? Was he too busy admiring her beauty that he couldn’t notice? What?
She shouted through bubbles, bottled up sounds, he too panicked , shouted in fear, she couldn’t know how to swim , was any life guard around ? It was dark ! What must he do? He won’t just jump in the water will he? It was worth the try.
In the amidst of this chaos, she was drowning, fighting for her life, only for the water to fill her more, getting heavier, sinking deeper. Sinking, sinking, sinking…
And he couldn’t do a thing about it, her last words, were simple “chiaki, save me..” and he couldn’t do such a simple task? What a shame..
He managed to jump in the water, dragged her out, but it was too late, her body was freezing cold, he shook her, shouted her name, but it was no longer useful.. she was long gone. And he just witnessed her passing..
So there he is now, apologizing to her, apologizing for being the worst hero ever, apologizing for letting her down this way, ut won’t happen again, but there won’t be another try to fix this… its not like those super hero movies, its real life.
If only he can go back in time, but he will witness it again? No he will stop it this time. but there is no such thing as going back, he shouldn’t think silly useless thoughts. He apologized to her family, her friends, her classmates, their unit mates , to her.
His legs couldn’t hold him anymore, he collapsed to the ground near her coffin, now silently crying, this was it? Yeah. This is it.
Kanata, was no more.