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Sana’s head was turning, she was seated on the rug next to her couch, the only light in the room was from the TV in front of her but Sana wasn’t paying any attention to the movie. A bottle of fine wine was on the coffee table, half empty. Sana was drinking the last drop of her beverage from the glass that she poured to herself and refilled it quickly before taking another sip. Next to her, her phone was turned on, the screen was displaying several notifications from kakaotalk and some from twitter or instagram.
The phone was constantly ringing loudly, Sana grabbed it and unlocked it, on the screen appeared a twitter page, breaking news, Jihyo’s relationship had been exposed and another dating scandal was beginning to emerge. Sana’s eyes were fogged by tears and she let out a small whimper, she quickly switched the app to her message’s one. The Twice groupchat was full of messages in reaction to the news, Jihyo was kind of panicked and they were all trying to calm her, Sana decided that she would open the conversation later and focus her eyes on another groupchat just below. The MiSaMo groupchat was alimented by few messages from Mina and Momo trying to know if Sana was okay, Sana smiled a bit in reaction to her bestfriends messages, she typed a small “I’m alright” and finished her wine in one go before laying down completely on the rug. A pillow from the couch fell on her face and Sana jumped, a small look at her phone and she was crying loudly again, her face buried in the pillow, smothering her sobs.
Sana kind of passed out because of the wine or the crying, maybe both and that’s when her doorbell rang that she woke up from that cloudy sleep. The japanese staggered to the door and opened it without checking who it could be, in front of her were Mina and Momo, both looking at her with worried eyes. Sana tried to welcome them with a smile but a sniffle came out of her and she let herself fall in their arms, burying her face in Mina’s neck, sobbing really hard. She felt a hand on her back making circular motions and another one on the back of her head. Momo detached herself from the hug to help Mina carrying Sana to the couch.
They put her on it, Mina next to her to support her head while Momo knelt down on the rug in front of them, “Hey Sana, we are here..”. Mina nodded, still caressing Sana’s back. Momo stared at the room for a moment, she stood up to turn off the TV and got close to the windows. “I’m gonna open the blinds Sana, you shouldn’t stay in the dark like that”. When she was about to open them Mina stopped her, “She drank, she cried and she’s probably really sleepy, open them but close the curtains it will be less aggressive”. Momo nodded before opening the shades.
Sana sobbed even more at the light coming in, it was like a reminder of what was happening in the real world, that Park Jihyo, the leader of the Worldwide known south-korean girl group, was dating someone, someone who was a man, someone who wasn’t Sana. Of course Jihyo kept them updated since the moment things were getting weird between them but Sana wasn’t really believing in it, they haven’t seen each other that much, Jihyo wasn’t home for so long because of the tour and well she was spending all of her free time with Jeongyeon anyway so yes, Sana wasn’t really worried. Sana wasn’t worried but it didn’t mean that she was happy with it, neither okay but it was something she couldn’t control, luckily that would pass and Sana was anyway the person Jihyo would cuddle the most but it didn’t pass this time and worst, the whole world knew about it now.
Not having Jihyo was so painful but Sana could hang on to the few couplely behaviors they had between the two of them, hugging each other, cuddling each other, teasing each other even kissing. Sana almost kissed Jihyo in front of the world but now everyone knew that even if they did, it would have just been a “bestie” thing and Sana wasn’t playing bestie anymore.
“It hurts so much”. Mina hugged her harder, Momo got back to them after putting the bottle and the glass in the kitchen, she grabbed Sana’s face with her hands, her eyes meeting Sana’s.
“Sana we are going out, we are going to eat in a japanese restaurant and we will do anything you’ll want but we aren’t going to let you here alone and you won’t have the choice, hangover or not”. Sana sniffed before closing her eyes, “I’m so tired”, “I don’t care”, Sana whined turning her head to Mina, the youngest one was smiling looking at them and smiled even wider with soft eyes when Sana looked at her. “What if we watch a movie in Sana’s bed so she can fall asleep if she wants okay ? And then we will go out later ?”. Sana’s face went from up to down as a nodding motion, Momo sighed before nodding as well. “Great, let’s do this”.
Sana spent two days living like a sad baby koala hooked on Mina and Momo. She was following them everywhere and they weren’t letting her cry herself to sleep every night. Momo sent a message in the groupchat from Sana’s Iphone to not worry everyone and to show support to Jihyo but that was it. Sana didn’t touch her phone for a while, she knew Jihyo had been sending her messages because Mina told her but she decided to pretend that she was sick to not deal with that. Sana was also supposed to promote the first episode of her mc career with Miyeon as a guest but she just repost the instagram post of the show on her story, Sana sent messages to Miyeon to apologize of course but the korean was aware of the situation and offered her to go out one night.
The morning after it was a doorbell who woke Sana up, the japanese was waddling to the door knowing that it would probably be Momo with food on her doorstep, she unlocked the door to find Jihyo dressed up with big jeans, a tank top, sunglasses on top of her head and plastic bags in her hands. “Hi!” Sana froze, she wasn’t ready for this kind of situation, she didn’t want at all to see Jihyo this quickly after the dating news and she was starting to panic. Jihyo of course saw that in Sana’s eyes and stepped closer to Sana. “I know you’re sick and you don’t really want to go out but well I know Momo brings you food so I was wondering why can’t I and well we haven’t talked for a while and I miss you, even more because I feel bad lately because of.. well you know why”.
Jihyo’s speech was rambling and Sana knew that it was because she was anxious.
“Can you let me in please ?”. Who was Sana to say no to an eyes-like-puppy Jihyo, she stepped back to let her in and went to open the blinds in the living room.
“It’s a bit messy, I hope you don’t mind”, Jihyo put the plastic bags on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to serve two cups of water. “So are you feeling better ? You look tired.” Sana held back a chuckle, of course she was looking tired, tired of crying all the time.
“HummI feel a bit better tho, I actually sleep a lot”, Sana stretches before sitting on the couch. She knew that she was supposed to talk about Jihyo dating him but oh god she would cry. “How are you feeling ? Do you feel okay ? Are the people nice with you ?”. Jihyo seated on the floor in front of Sana. “It’s hard, we weren’t really dating for a year like the news said, well you know it’s been just a few months and well I’m not sure of everything but I guess but I like him..”. Sana broked from the inside, the more Jihyo was talking the more Sana was hurting. “But yeah Onces are nice, well most of them, I’m not going secretly on twitter for a while anymore because people are savage sometimes but yeah.. I haven’t even confirmed it because I’m not sure I want to”. Sana was nodding at everything Jihyo was saying, she wasn’t even listening anymore, she felt like a puppet, her body was reacting in a self-defense way and her brain was completely shutting down her ability to feel anything, she was totally broken. Jihyo stopped talking, she’s been by Sana’s side for 12 years and she knew her by heart. “You don’t look well Sana, are you okay ?”. Sana forced a smile and looked into Jihyo’s eyes, big mistakes because her eyes were filled with worry. Sana was melting from the inside, she sniffed to regain a bit of posture. “I’m feeling tired Ji I think I will go to bed real quick”. Jihyo pouted, “Oh I was thinking we could hang out together, we can watch a movie, we can cuddle if you want”. Sana’s fake smile faded away, “if you want” well of course Sana wanted to but did Jihyo was doing it just because it was Sana’s request ?
“No I don’t want you to get sick, I really appreciate that you came by, I miss you too and I’m sorry for not being the bestest friend for you lately but you know I’m always there right?”. Sana stood up before Jihyo’s answer and walked into the kitchen,”Thank you for the food Ji”.
Jihyo was looking at the ground before standing up and she walked towards Sana. “You can keep it all, I already have food at home”, “you sure ?”Jihyo nodded. Sana said a little thank you before putting the bags in her fridge. “I promise I will eat after a nap.”, Jihyo smiled a bit “I hope so”. Jihyo was looking at Sana like she wanted to read her mind, Sana wasn’t oblivious so she smiled. She knew that Jihyo wasn’t going to stop at that act but that was her only weapon right now. Sana walked closely, standing up between Jihyo and the door, the both of them were looking into each other eyes in an awkward silence, Jihyo knew that something was wrong but she didn’t know what, if Sana was not ready to say it to her she won’t push her so Jihyo did the only good thing she could do to cheer Sana up a bit. She hugged her strongly at the beginning but she quickly remembered that Sana was “sick” so she loosened her arms a bit. “I love you Sana-yah”, she pecked Sana on the cheeks before leaving the flat quickly. “I’m warning you, you are obligated to eat what I bring you !” and then she disappeared into the building’s elevator.
Sana stayed on her doorstep for a minute and burst into tears, she grabbed her phone and typed Mina’s number. “Hi! Why did you call me ? Are you okay ?” Sana explained the situation to Mina between several sobs. “I’m coming, wait for me, okay ?”. And Sana cried, she cried when she realized that Jihyo brought her her favorite food with her usual coffee at her favorite coffee shop, she cried because Jihyo knew her so well, she cried when Mina arrived and took her in her arms, she cried because even if she love Mina so much she would rather be in Jihyo’s arms, she cried herself to sleep lying down on her couch, her head on Mina’s laps.
Days passed and she was still ignoring Jihyo’s messages, she kept responding on the groupchat because she didn’t want the others to question her reaction. Sana wasn’t really getting out so when Miyeon asked her to hang out she accepted. She couldn’t keep living glued to Mina and Momo mainly because they had schedules but also because she had to force herself to live like nothing happened. The night went well and Sana felt for the first time like nothing had happened, she had so much fun that when she got back home she fell asleep really quickly with a smile after posting some pictures of Miyeon and her on instagram.
The morning after Chaeyoung’s relationship was the breaking news number 1, Sana was angry that two of her members’ relationships have been exposed from nowhere. They couldn’t leave them having a real life without stepping in their personals lifes, Sana was sending some nice messages to Chaeyoung that were drowned in the flux of love that was the Twice groupchat. Chaeyoung had enough of the all dating scandal so she just confirmed it very quickly and decided to act like nothing happened because no one was involved except her, her friends and family. The weirdest reaction was the one from Jihyo.When it had been her relationship she was acting like it was an accident, something that she would have rather left in a corner and it wasn’t for privacy but for Chaeyoung’s one she was so ready to kick asses. Jihyo had a call with Jyp’s team to find who leaked that news, if pictures were taken, if none of the others had been followed or if they would be safe. Jihyo was pissed off and Sana wished she would be with her because mad Jihyo was hot, but no, Jihyo was far from her, maybe in another flat than hers. Sana felt like crying again but a notification popped up on her screen, it was another message from Jihyo, “are you ignoring me on purpose Sana ?” Sana sighed, she swiped the notification off before lying on her bed fixing the ceiling. Did she want to keep ignoring Jihyo ? She couldn’t because they worked together and well she is also in love so ignoring her wasn’t a choice. But what if she kept crying every time she saw her ? Sana was starting to get mad because it wasn’t her fault if she fell in love. Jihyo was perfect, she was beautiful, she was funny, she was caring, she was hot, she was everything Sana loved in a woman and even more but she wasn’t hers. Sana sighed again, she unlocked her phone and sent a message to Chaeyoung.
“Do you have a music recommendation for someone who’s hurt because her best friend she’s secretly in love with is in a relationship with a man ?”
Sana was looking at the three dots that were displaying on her screen.
“Wow that’s very specific”
“Are you in love with me Sana unnie ?”
“Listen to Susie Save Your Love by Allie X and Mitski “
“I love you too unnie ;)”
Sana sent her a heart before going to her instagram profile, she clicked the add button and started to look for pictures of herself to upload. Once it was done she seated crossed-legs on the bed, happy with what she just did. She then proceeded to go take a shower and do her skincare routine. She wasn’t in the mood to go outside, what she was doing more and more so she just flopped on her couch watching some series. She was in the middle of doing her laundry when she heard someone ringing the doorbell. She quickly took her phone to check if one of her friends was passing by but she had no new messages. She watched through the peephole, Jihyo was in front of her door waiting for Sana to open.
“Sana I know you are home, please open the door.”. The japanese took a deep breath before unlocking the door. “Hi Ji, what are you doing here”, Sana was again fake smiling, Jihyo entered the flat really quickly, dropped her bag on the floor. “Sana we need to talk”. Sana was always feeling weird when Jihyo was mad because well she was hot but this scenario was different because right now Jihyo was mad at her.
“Humm well we can talk but what’s the problem ?”. Jihyo spined on herself. “Don’t do that, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, you are fucking ignoring me and it’s been a week Sana. I write you messages every day and you don’t even read them but you are fucking active on the groupchat.” Sana started shaking, she didn’t know what to say to the leader because yes she was ignoring her. “It’s been more than a week now, I needed you, I miss you but no I can’t go fuck myself and I don’t even know why!”. Sana was shaking even more. “Sana it made me sick, what did I fucking do to deserve that?”. Sana started crying. “It makes me sick as well Ji, I don’t ignore you because I want to”, “So why are you ignoring me Sana!” Jihyo was screaming now. Sana wasn’t thinking anymore, she was so scared to lose Jihyo, she couldn’t say that she was ignoring her for nothing, she couldn’t say that it was Jihyo’s fault, well it was in a way but that wasn’t the point. She didn’t know what to do. “You know what Sana, that’s fun because Mina and Momo kept coming to see you but when I came you fucking throw me outside. When I had my scandal you were barely here to support me but when it was Chaeyoung you were so noisy on the groupchat. When I asked to see you you didn’t even respond to me but you went on a date with Miyeon. So what did I do to deserve that ?”.
“You’re fucking dating !”
Jihyo freeze. “What do you mean by that ?”.
“You’re dating some random man and it makes me crazy”. Jihyo took a step towards Sana. “I can’t stand it, okay ? I don’t like this, I don’t like him, I don’t like the idea that you’re cuddling with him, go on a date with him..” Sana’s voice was like a whisper now, “... kiss him”. Jihyo frowned. “I don’t understand Sana, you don’t want me to be in a relationship ?”
“Yes ! Well no… I don’t want you to like a boy and even more, I don’t want you to like someone that it’s not me”.
“That song you posted, they were right on twitter…”
Sana sighed, wiping off the tears that were on her cheeks.
“Surprised!! I love you and I don’t like your boyfriend”.
Even if she was wiping her tears, new one were coming rapidly, she just ended one of her most precious relationship, fucked up the group dynamic and lost Jihyo. The leader was looking at Sana, trying to search for a sign of a lie but she found nothing, just the broken look of Sana and the cascade of tears that were looking like diamonds on her cheeks.
“You should go Jihyo, we have nothing to say to each other now, go get back to your boyfriend” Sana was spitting her last words. Jihyo unfreeze. “Oh no I’m not leaving Sana, I’m not leaving until I understand what you meant, the fuck are you saying that you love me”.
Sana chuckled, “Jihyo I love you okay, have been for a while, maybe since our debut, I don’t really remember but I give up now, firstly you played with it, responding to my behavior, then you’re liking boys and I’m not a boy and finally you dated two men and it fucking destroyed my heart.” Jihyo took a step making the distance between the two of them shorter.
“First thing , have you heard of bisexual people ? Then you’re blaming me for dating men, when you basically flirt with every women on this fucking planet. You have never stopped trying to kiss Dahyun since our debut. I'm not even talking about Momo or Nayeon, even Tzuyu. And for months you never stopped talking about Miyeon, how she is nice and fun, beautiful, so in phase with you. You even said to her during the fridge show that she was all you don’t have with us but I’ve been cuddling with you for years..”
Sana frowned “Why are you jealous of that”. Jihyo pinched her nose. “Sana, I’m always behaving like we’re dating but you, you behave like this with every friend of yours. I had to make up my mind and tried to ignore that by ignoring my feelings for you.”
Sana’s brain started to turn at full speed. “Your feelings for me ?”. Jihyo stepped closer to Sana again. “I’ve been into you since a really long time Sana, but evolving with feelings for you with the fact that you’re kind of a lesbian hunter it hurts really bad.”
Sana’s tears stopped flowing, she was looking at Jihyo’s eyes closely. “Do you really love me Sana ?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure ?”
“Never been that sure”
Jihyo stepped closer again, their faces were centimeters close to each other.
“I’m gonna kiss you Sana”, the japanese nodded before holding her breath. Jihyo’s face came closer and finally their lips met each other. The kiss was soft and a bit wet because of Sana’s tears but Jihyo wasn’t minding at all, she was finally kissing Sana after years of dreaming of that day. When their lips parted they were both smiling. Jihyo grabbed Sana by her waist bringing her even closer before kissing her again. Sana’s hands went to cup Jihyo’s jawline. The kiss was a bit more messy. They were releasing all the tension and love that they had for each other for years. When they parted again Jihyo smiled even wider looking at Sana eyes. “I have to make a phone call to end something but we can keep kissing right after and I think we need to talk as well” Sana nodded. “I love you”.
Jihyo pecked her lips. “I love you too”