Chapter Text
I wonder, maybe they'd never find me
I've been waitin' such a long, long, long time to feel it
Swallowed by the waters around me
Though I took so many wrong, wrong, wrong turns to see it, woahSuddenly the sun comes up
And the dark is gone
We made it to the dawn and I don't miss you anymore
The second Regulus hit the water, he knew right away that it was a big mistake. The pit in his stomach told him there was no turning back and it was then that he’d known just how much he’d wanted to live. He had been steadfast in defeating the Dark Lord and was sure he was ready to die for it by destroying the horcrux but when confronted with death, he became just a boy again.
Regulus had paddled until his arms were weak and his legs fatigued from kicking. His lungs had long given up on sustaining his overexertion, and the growing pressure of the swimming Inferi all around him made it worse.
He had thought about this moment more than he’d care to admit. Not this particular moment of drowning in a pool of carnivorous Inferi in a dark cave all alone, but his moment of death. Surely he had known betraying the Dark Lord would’ve led to this? Whether it be at the Dark Lord’s own wand, or by the torture of the Death Eaters, or some other heinous, Slytherin way…
But he was 17. He hadn’t known what death was really like. He’d seen it happen in front of his own eyes countless times, and had even done the killing sometimes, yet none of it had prepared him for his own death. No one told him about the agony of waiting to die whilst knowing death was inevitable. For that reason, the Avada was truly one of the kinder Unforgivables.
The water had looked like it might’ve been clear if it weren’t in a cave. Clear and clean and so, so drinkable. So tasty. Big mistake.
Regulus thought he’d go crazy soon if he didn’t just die. There was no concept of time for him but he guessed he’d only drunk from the fountain no more than an hour ago. How horrifying it was to know his life was soon to be over and nobody would even know.
Was anyone looking for Regulus? Not to complete a task or to order him on a mission? Was anyone searching for him simply because they missed him? Because they had looked around the room and felt a missing presence, an itch they couldn’t scratch, or a sudden drop of fear in their soul that told them something had gone very very wrong?
Regulus closed his eyes, not that it made any difference in the darkness. He tried to recall his brother’s face the last he saw him, months ago at Grimmauld Place. Sirius had heard about him taking the mark and flew off the wall, demanding to go home to see him. Only Remus had gone with him because visiting the house during the war had become too dangerous to do as a group for the Marauders. Sirius’ face had gone very red from anger, very splotchy and unattractive, making his usual aristocratic face look inbred and idiotic. Even Remus had looked the most disappointed and upset he’d ever seen him. No one understood why he took the mark and he hadn’t expected them to, least of all Sirius. And why should he explain himself to fools who were blind to the gigantic sacrifice his entire life had turned into the second Sirius ran away?
Sirius, the selfish prick. Sirius had chosen himself over family, leaving Regulus to fend for himself against the wolves, and there weren’t many options for survival if he hadn’t turned into one too. He had no choice but to bite his tongue and take the mark, pledging his fealty to the Dark Lord to regain all the Black family honor and credibility Sirius had taken with him years ago. If only Sirius had stayed and done his duty as the oldest son. If only Sirius had been smarter, more cunning than stubborn, maybe Regulus wouldn’t be dying right now. Maybe he would still be alive to see tomorrow.
But ifs and maybes were useless when one was almost dead. There were no more tomorrows, and no further time on this earth for hypotheticals. By now, Regulus had already mostly sunken, with only his head above water. The Inferi had swarmed around him in such numbers that they were ironically propping him up above the surface from below, for now at least.
It was nice. He was no longer struggling to stay afloat at least and he let his limbs relax as best as he could, seeing how he’d already lost most of the feeling in his lower half. Maybe his legs were actually just gone. Maybe all that was left was just bones and he just couldn’t feel it. How awful. He’d take an Avada over this any day, now that death was clear on the horizon. He wondered if anyone would follow his tracks, though he was careful not to leave any, and save him but surely his body had already passed the point of no return. Even if they were to somehow drag him out of there, there would not be enough left of him to salvage the remains so he might as well just die anyway instead of living with just a head and a torso. Peacefully.
Just then, he felt a slight warmth hit his eyelids and his eyes flew open in case the Dark Lord had more nasty surprises lined up for him in this cave, like eyeball-eating bats or flies. He very much preferred to keep his sight, or at least the possibility of it, with him for as long as he could.
But to his surprise, it was light. There was just a little bit of it coming in from the mouth of the cave.
The night was over.
Unprompted, a sudden memory played back in his mind.
It was his fifth year and he just finished reading yet another scathing letter from Mother urging him to join the Death Eaters when he heard laughter from down the hall. He’d opened the letter in a random empty classroom, as per Mother’s instructions for every letter, but also because her letters always made him want to kick something very hard, which wasn’t uncommon behavior in the Slytherin common room but may have raised suspicions amongst his family ass-kissing housemates if they noticed a pattern.
Regulus wasn’t in the mood to hear other people having fun when he had to suffer with such a shit lot in life that he was ready to hex the laughing people the second he saw them. It wasn’t until he turned the corner and saw that it was James and some other boy in Gryffindor robes that he slowly lowered his wand.
The sun had been setting then and the great big windows of the castle had casted the golden light onto the walls within and everything was on gentle fire. The portraits basked and James glowed. His hair shined and his teeth and his smile gleamed when he turned to talk to the other boy. He was only 17 then, the same age Regulus was now, but he’d looked so important and so strong walking down the hall. Like a man who’d known the weight of the future yet had the courage to choose happiness anyway.
There must’ve been magic of some sort involved, or just James being James, because he'd turned around right before turning the corner. He’d turned around, caught perfectly in a portrait of sunlight, and looked right at Regulus like he’d known he was there all along. He was far away but Regulus knew his cheeky grin well enough to know he was sending his love, sealed with a wink.
That was the last time they saw each other before Regulus took the mark. He’d hoped beyond hope that James would be the one to understand. It was okay if his brother didn’t, but James, surely, would. He had to. James would bring the justice he would not live to see.
The sun was rising now which meant Regulus had lived to see another day, but he drifted further and further down. Or was it away? He had no real grasp of reality. There was only the faint and slowing beat in his chest to accompany him in his last moments as he finally left this world the way he arrived. Alone.
~.~
Somewhere far away, James’ heart skipped a beat. He rubbed at his chest, trying to soothe the rapid beating. He always had good instincts, and he trusted them.
Out of nervous habit, he did a headcount of the room and everyone he’d expected to be there was there. Sirius and Remus, plotting against the Black family as always, Peter, Lily, Mary, Marlene, shoveling down food after a prolonged mission that almost went wrong, and many others, all familiar faces.
Yet he could not shake the uneasy feeling that someone important was missing.
Somebody important was gone.