Chapter Text
It begain with a single choice.
Ahsoka did not run all the way from the training rooms to the apprentice quarters. She did not almost push an older Jedi down the stairs. Nor did she force jump over a cluster of younglings while their creche master waved his cane at her.
But she did slow down and gained control of her breathing before calmly walking to the door.
"Barriss?" Ahsoka stepped inside the room, her eyes wide. "I heard a really crazy rumor that you were leaving."
Inside the room was Barriss Offee, a senior Jedi Padawan, who appeared to be packing. Ahsoka felt her heart drop into her stomach.
"I am," Barriss said as she placed her meager belongings into a small travel bag. "As of this morning, I am no longer a part of the Jedi Order."
"What are you talking about?"
Barriss turned around, her gaze lowered. "I have resigned from the Jedi Order. I've been having doubts, Ahsoka, about the war and about our part in it. I had this grand speech prepared for the High Council as to why I'm leaving but I couldn't stay any of it. I just can't stand having a part in all these killings. We're peacekeepers, not soldiers. This war has twisted everything the Jedi Order stands for and I will not-," Barriss paused taking a deep breath. "I am leaving Ahsoka. There is a transport waiting for me in the hanger."
"What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? Did you tell your master?"
"Master Unduli and I have been working on helping me get my licence to practice medicine. I'm going to be a healer. When I explained how I felt, she understood and wanted me to follow my feelings and what the Force told me to do."
"But where are you going to go?"
"I don't know yet."
Ahsoka scuffed the heel of her boot against the ground, her emotions swirling inside her like a storm. She had grown fond of Barriss ever since they met and she would miss her. She should say something, anything, but there was nothing she could say that would get Ahsoka what she wanted. She wanted Barriss to stay. But that was not the Jedi way. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt.
"Here." Barriss placed her lightsaber into Ahsoka's open hand. "I want you to have it."
"Barriss! It's your lightsaber. It's your life!"
"I'm no longer a Jedi as of 0900." Barriss closed Ahsoka's fingers around the hilt of the lighstaber. "Think of it as something to remember me by."
Barriss shouldered her bag and began to walk out. "Wait!" Ahsoka scribbled a comm number on a datapad that she picked up from the table. "Keep in touch with me. If you need anything, or anyone to talk to I'm just a call away."
"Thank you Ahsoka. You've been a good friend." Barriss said in a soft voice. She left then, truly, her form growing smaller and smaller until she was gone.
Ahsoka slid down to ground clutching the lightsaber close to her chest. While she had spoken to Barriss, Ahsoka felt rather calm but now that it was over, all she felt was a growing sense of panic.
What was this feeling? This pain in her chest?
Ahsoka could not and would not demand Barriss to stay. It would be selfish and not the Jedi way. Instead she got to her feet and went to her master's quarter. Where she proceeded to cry.
Anakin was not prepared for a crying padawan. He tried to soothe her with a hot drink and some wise words but in the end sent her off with Padme. He could understand all to well the desire to leave the Jedi Order.
It began with a question.
Being on leave was tiring. There were so many younglings that needed her attention. She didn't even get a chance to speak to her master until after he rescued the Chancellor. He had his missions and she had hers. They were now able to relax and talk to each other. It was good to see him.
"Master? You look unwell."
He looked harried more so than when he was at the front lines in the war. There were dark bags under his eyes and his skin was paler. The duo was rotated off the front lines and for the first time in what felt like years, they were told to relax. Ahsoka had returned to the temple to continue her training while her master had "master" things to do. Ever since they have came back, this was the first time she got to speak to her master.
Anakin Skywalker looked at his padawan and managed a tired smile that looked more like a grimace. "It's nothing Snips."
"You sure? You look as if someone ran you over with a speeder."
"I do not."
"Yeah, you do."
Anakin snorted. "Do I really look that bad?"
"Being pulled off the front lines means we're supposed to relax and unwind. You actually look a lot worse than you did a few months ago. What's going on?"
The tall human Jedi looked at his padawan before sitting down, a tired look on his face. "I've been having bad dreams."
"Dreams?"
"Visions more like it." He cradled his head in his hand. "I've been having these dreams since I've returned to the Temple."
"What are they about?"
"Pain. Suffering. Death." Anakin heaved a deep breath.
"Is it someone we know?" Ahsoka didn't even question her master, she merely accepted it.
"What?" Anakin looked up. "No. Not...it's someone I know."
"Hm." Ahsoka rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Probably not Master Kenobi, it'd take a lot to kill him and we'd both have to be dead for that to happen. Can't be any of the other Jedi...."
Anakin narrowed his eyes. "Snips..."
"It's Padme, isn't it."
"How-no. It's...not her." Anakin said in the most unconvincing way possible. "Please forget you know this about me."
"That is one order I cannot follow Master. I have eyes." Ahsoka said innocently. "Let me help. Two minds are better than one after all."
Anakin regarded her with a questioning gaze before nodding."In my vision, she's in pain. I've already asked the healers for help but..."
"They're overburdened by the war. I know a healer, she might be able to help." Ahsoka leaned forward, a serious expression on her face. "But it isn't a promise, Master."
"I know. But I am not going to lose her. I'm not going to let the vision come to past."
"Master...." She reached over and took one of his hands into hers. "Sometimes people die. We lose the people we love and there is nothing we can do. Everything dies, Master, even the stars go out. Master Yoda said that it is selfish to let someone remain when they are gone. That all we could do is live for them. What we can do is cherish the moments we have with them and to remember them. One day, you will die and Master Kenobi will die and even Master Yoda. We have to be able to let them go when it is their time."
"But it isn't her time. She's too young. She's preg-" Anakin's mouth made an O shape and then he flushed and turned his head to the side.
"Pregnant?" Ahsoka said with a grin. "I'm happy for you, Master. Is it a boy or a girl?"
"She doesn't know yet. I don't care either way." There was a childish glee in Anakin's face, one that fitted him so much better than the overcast expression on his face. "I love them, both of them."
"I guess this is why you were sneaking out so much and having "secret" correspondence." Ahsoka made air quotes with her fingers. "No wonder you let Padme give me the Talk."
Again, Anakin snorted.
"Master. If you ever need anything, just ask me. I'm here for you." She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "We're here for you."
He looked at her with questioning eyes.
"I love you."
Anakin blinked at her before giving her the biggest smile she'd ever seen. "I love you too Snips. '
It began with a rant.
Ahsoka watched as her master vented, her eyes following his movements. She sat cross legged, one arm draped on her knee, the other cradling her head. She did not expect to see her master at her door or for him to be so angry.
"They won't give me the title of master but they'll give me a seat on the council?" Anakin paced in his room as his padawan sat in a chair. "That isn't fair!"
"It's not the first time this has happened." Ahsoka cocked her head in thought. "Master Ki-Adi Mundi was a knight when he was first on the council."
"What?"
"When I was a youngling we did research projects on several Jedi Masters. Master Mundi was a Knight when he first took a seat. In fact, he was the only Knight during that time serving on the council. "
"Oh." Anakin stopped his pacing. It wasn't like he wanted to be on the council, Palpatine appointed him. He was lucky he wasn't given lukewarm looks the entire time they convened. Not to mention, a lot of what they did was a bit over his head. He didn't want to fail the expectations that Palpatine placed on him, nor the expectations of Master Kenobi.
"And you can't be a master without knighting a padawan." Ahsoka said rather hopefully. "Although, technically, you need to knight several padawans."
"You're right. I should get you knighted soon, Ahsoka."
"Woah, wait a second. You think I'm ready for the trials?" Ahsoka raised a hand.
"Well...." Anakin waffled a bit. "You're an excellent fighter, strategist, and leader."
"I'm also a bit young."
"You're also a bit young."
"That's not a good thing, Master."
Anakin waved a hand. "Since you want to be knighted and command your own battalion of clone troopers, why not get started now? We have the time. We should train."
Ahsoka withheld her groan. " Not more underwater basket weaving again?"
It began with a discussion.
"How do you feel about being a knight on the council? Shouldn't they have given you the title of master?" Palpatine asked, as they watched the opera. "You have a seat on the High Council."
Anakin wasn't really sure why the Chancellor wanted to watch operas with him. He had other more important things to do, like train Ahsoka and research treatments and issues with childbirth. Not watch operas. There was a war going on.
"Just being on the Council doesn't make me a Master. I need to get Ahsoka knighted first." He also needed the Master's key access to the archives. Maybe he could ask Obi-Wan for assistance. Sure, his former master might just blow a gasket when he learns why, but he knows Obi-Wan would help him.
"Then why don't you recommend her for the trials? Surely she is ready."
"Ready?"
"She survived the war, did she not? I'm sure she has a bright future ahead of her."
A tiny bit of panic wormed its way into Anakin's mind. Was Ahsoka ready? Was he ready? His tiny padawan become a knight? She was too young! Too bold! Too reckless! Too much like him. But she was brave and strong and skilled. Now that he meditated on it, his own knighting was done too early. It was a hard truth to swallow, but as he thought back on his actions at the start of the war, he was nowhere near ready to be a knight. He was lucky to not have gotten Ahsoka killed. It was through the will of the Force that she was so skilled by the time he got her. She had grown so much. He was so proud of her.
What if he was wrong? What if she fails her trails and doesn't get knighted? What would happen to her?
Again, it had occurred to Anakin that he had no idea what happened during the Trials as he didn't go through one and neither did Obi-Wan. They were both useless in helping Ahsoka out. Oh Force. He was setting her up for failure. There was so much he needed to do. So many questions that needed answers.
"Yes but she's not ready yet." Anakin replied. "I still need time to train her. There are things that war cannot teach. It's a Jedi thing, you wouldn't understand."
"My young friend, I understand a great deal more than you realize." Palpatine said softly. "Much more."
It is finished with a realization.
You leave before you do something that you would regret. You nearly throw up in the elevator, your back pressed against the walls, and the world closes around you.
Palpatine is the Sith Lord.
The charming man who spent time out of his busy and important day to talk to you is the man who the Jedi feared.
You want to deny it. But you can feel it. You know if you whisper to the Force it will roar back at you like a wave crashing against stones. It is the truth. You feel it in your bones. In your soul. And it hurts. Your heart is beating so quickly and your breath comes out in short gasps.
But while the Force says it is true and his own words prove that it is true, you can't see it. The frail old man who placed his hand on your shoulder and told you," I believe in you," cannot be the Sith Lord.
How deep has the Sith Lord wormed in your mind? In your head? Could you hear him even as you step further and further away? Can you see his gaze from his office? His eyes watching your retreating back?
How deep are his hooks in you? Does he see you? Can you feel his gaze upon you?
Everything begins to clink together. Your appointment on the council. The increased talks. Everything. All the hints he'd be dropping in your conversations. Everything falls into place.
Palpatine is the Sith Lord.
Suddenly the path before you is yawning and deep and dark. How much of it was your decision and how much was yours? You don't know and it scares you. It frightens you that you cannot reliably determine whether or not you were influenced by that man. Bile rises in the back of your throat.
You stumble your way out of the Senate building, pushing people without thought and slide into your sky car. You fly to the Temple. You break every conceivable traffic law as you do so, weaving in and out of the lanes.
You ran up the steps, the Jedi darting out of the way as you skid into the elevators. Where was Obi-Wan? You need to speak to him. You need to-
You exit onto the apprentices's quarters. You head straight to the one person who you could talk to.
"Master?"
Ahsoka blinks at you blearily as you step into her room and all but collapse onto a seat.
"You need to contact the High Council. You need to call up Master Windu."
"Me? Why no-" She looks confused and worried.
"He might be monitoring me. You have to do it."
"Master?"
You take a deep breath and then another. And another. Finally you speak, your voice hoarse. "Palpatine is the SIth Lord. "
Ahsoka stares at you in astonishment.
"I need you to contact Master Windu and have him and other masters meet me at the hanger bay. It is important. Please." Your voice cracks.
She does as you bade and when she is done, she stands before you, worry on her face. "Master?"
You know what must be done. You know you have to be there. There is no question of it.
"Ahsoka. Stay here." You rise to your feet, feeling the floor beneath you steady.
"Master! I can help you."
"No. You need to stay here." You drag her into a tight hug. "If it goes bad, I want you to get the Temple ready for an evacuation."
"Master?"
You see her disbelief and her pain and you just look at her.
"Ahsoka. I need you to do this. I want you to be safe." Your thoughts drift to your angel. "I need all of you to be safe. "
"I'll contact Senator Amidala." She has read your mind. "Master. Be careful."
"I know." You clench your fists and walk to the door. "May the Force be with you."
"And you."
You walk to the hanger bay, a tumultuous cloud in your mind. It never really occurs to you to think about his offer. About power. All you could think about was your angel. All you could focus on was on your apprentice, on the Jedi that live in the temple and the Jedi on the front lines.
With four other Jedi Masters, Anakin should feel at ease. They will arrest the Chancellor and figure things out from there.
"Stay here." Master Windu said to him.
"No." Anakin said back.
"What did you just say?"
"No. Master." Anakin looked at Master Windu without defiance, a deep desire to confront the Sith Lord. "I'm one of your best fighters. You need me."
Master Windu stared at him long and hard, searching for something, seeking for some truth in his eyes.
"You don't want me there, do you? Why? You think-" Yes he does. Anakin sees the reason.
"Yes. I don't want you there." Windu looked at Anakin frankly. "It is too dangerous. He was your friend."
Anakin is not angry. He is not mad. He is weary and tired and nods. "I understand."
"Do you?"
"Yes."
Mace grunts. "You can wait at the Senate building. If we need you, you'll know."
"What's the signal?"
"A whole lot of screaming."
Uncertain as to whether or not Master Windu was serious or not, Anakin followed quietly.
He sensed it first before even the first blow was struck. Suddenly, there was the dark side. It filled the room with such hate and anger and fear and-
Padme was dying. She was screaming for help. She needed him.
Anakin clutched his head as the images invaded his mind. The dark side seeped into every crater and crevice, like an old friend who has come back to visit. He saw his mother. Dead. The tusken raiders killed by his own hand. All of them. Women. Children. What has he done? He stumbled back against the wall.
He opened the doors and activated his lightsaber.
Anakin didn't really see the dead Jedi, he saw Mace Windu pointing a lightsaber at his friend. "It is time I put an end to this, once and for all."
"You can't. He must stand trial."
"He controls the senate and all the courts. He's too dangerous to be left alive."
Palaptine wheezes from where he lies. "But I'm too weak. Don't kill me."
"That isn't the Jedi way. He must stand trial."
Windu continues his approach.
"Master Windu!" Anakin takes a step and stands between them," This is not the Jedi way. We do not kill unarmed combatants."
And for once, Master Windu seems to listen. He glowers at Anakin fiercely but lowers his blade. "Very well."
"My boy." Palpatine rises to his feet. "Thank you." He places his hand on Anakin's shoulder.
"You are still under arrest." Anakin senses the danger has past, half turning," Chan-"
Lightning streaked through Anakin's body and he went down in a crumpled heap as Palpatine cackled above him. "You have chosen wrong dear friend!! The dark side will always prevail."