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Nanami took a deep breath through her nose and tipped her face to the clear blue sky. The sun warmed her skin, and a gentle breeze rolled in, shaking the plush green trees that lined the quaint street, carrying with it the sweet scent of fresh cut flowers. The florist shop just up the street had its doors wide open, a few bins of assorted blooms and greenery displayed on the sidewalk to tempt passersby inside.
It was a beautiful day for a road trip, so why was her stomach turning?
The loud slam of the rental car’s trunk shook her from her reverie and her face twisted into a scowl. It truly wasn’t a question of why, but rather how long would it last, because this wasn’t just any old road trip she was embarking on. It was an unusual road trip.
A yokai road trip.
And Akura-Ou was joining them.
“That just about does it!” The oni shouted just a little too loudly, his wide mouth spread in a smile that only filled Nanami’s gut with more trepidation. She dug deep in her resolve for that kernel of hope she always carried, the one she clung to when all logic deemed a situation hopeless, and forced her face into a smile, one that didn’t touch her eyes, which were glued to the trunk of the car.
It was bungee corded shut, over stuffed with gods-knew-what, but she was almost certain that she caught a glint of something metal as she rounded the car to climb inside.
Tomoe was at her side in a heartbeat, his expression unreadable as he opened the back door for her to slide in beside Mizuki. He flicked a suspicious glance toward his fellow familiar before fixing his gaze on Nanami.
“Be sure to fasten your seatbelt,” he warned, already reaching over her body to do it for her. She lightly batted him away.
“I know, Tomoe, I’ve been riding in a car way longer than anyone here.” Realizing that her anxiety had filled her tone with bitterness she flashed him a bright smile and clicked her seatbelt in place. “I’ll be fine.”
Tomoe only blinked slowly, and the air grew thick with the unspoken question that passed between them.
Would any of them be fine?
The driver’s side door slammed shut and the three of them flinched. Gods, why hadn’t she gotten her driver’s license when all of her classmates had? The answer was simple. She never anticipated needing a license, or a car for that matter, and like hell could she afford one. But as Tomoe shut her door and walked slowly to the front of the car Nanami swallowed hard as a clawed hand stretched out and adjusted the rearview mirror until yellow eyes gleamed back at her. She wished to the gods that she had just forked over the money, because Akura-Ou was driving them.
It was either him or Tomoe, and while Nanami trusted Tomoe easily over his friend, there was just not talking the oni out of driving this contraption as he’d called it. ‘No fuckin’ way I’m riding in a metal horse and not controlling it, Tomoe,’ he’d growled while they pored over the details of their trip. ‘If I’m going, I’m driving. Anyone who thinks differently can go fuck themselves.’
And so it was decided. Tomoe would ride shotgun, where he could attempt to keep Akura in check, though Nanami wasn’t sure just how much faith she had in her familiar to dissuade him from doing anything . Mizuki would sit with Nanami, acting as her personal bodyguard. She peeked at him from the corner of her eye and sighed. Presently, he seemed far more interested in the snacks they had brought than protecting her. He was elbow deep in a bag of funyuns.
“Have you adjusted your mirrors?” Tomoe asked Akura with the car’s manual in his hands. He adjusted the glasses he’d donned as he flipped through the glossy pages, finding nothing helpful within them.
“Obviously,” Akura snapped, and flashed himself a smile in the rearview mirror. “Why’d they make this one so skinny? You can hardly see anything!”
“It’s for looking out the back window!” Nanami cried, eyes wide and voice pitched high. Akura twisted around to stare incredulously at her.
“What the hell? Why would I need a mirror for that? I can just look!”
“Oh my god,” Nanami whispered, slumping down in her seat. They hadn’t even gotten on the road and already she was starting to sweat.
“Akura-Ou, listen to me closely!” Tomoe commanded, and snapped the manual closed. He thrust his index finger into the air for emphasis. “You are not to put my lady and mistress in danger, is that understood? Now adjust your mirrors so that you may observe the flow of traffic!”
Grumbling, Akura forcefully twisted the mirror, and a sickening CRACK filled the cab of the car. Everyone froze. Even Mizuki stopped his incessant crunching on his funyuns. All eyes fell on the mirror, which now hung from the ceiling at a forty-five degree angle. Nanami dropped her face into her hands.
“Is that bad?” Mizuki asked, his mouth full, crumbs falling down the front of his shirt and littering the floor of the car. Nanami’s shoulders shook.
“Yes, Mizuki,” she gritted out. “That’s bad. That’s very, very bad.”
“Oops. My bad,” Akura shrugged, and shoved the key in the ignition. The engine turned over with a roar, the car shuddering to life, and after studying the dashboard and the console, Akura turned to Tomoe. “How do I make it go?”
Sighing raggedly, Tomoe indicated to the gear shift.
“You must put the car in gear. Put your foot on the brake and adjust this lever to D for drive. Then you–”
The car lurched forward, Akura already ten steps ahead of Tomoe’s careful instruction, and with a shriek, Nanami and Mizuki were thrown against their seatbelts as Akura crammed on the brakes.
“Neat!” he shouted, turning sharply in his chair to beam at his passengers. “I don’t know why you don’t drive more, woman! This shit is fun!”
“Speak for yourself!” Nanami shouted while rubbing the sore spot on her chest. If she’d known that Tomoe could have taught her how to drive on the fly she would have suggested she drive. Now, it was too late.
Several false starts later, complete with screeching tires and jerking brakes, they’d finally made it onto the street. Akura seemed to be getting the hang of the controls, each brake a little smoother, each acceleration a little more controlled, and minute by minute Nanami felt her muscles begin to untense. He was trying, she told herself, her hands rubbing over her upper arms in a self-soothing manner. You have to give him credit for trying.
Tomoe had finally relaxed, his long legs crossed and a book in his hand, and while Nanami and Mizuki chattered in the back seat, occasionally bursting into laughter and passing crinkling bags of snacks back and forth, Akura sat ram-rod straight as he navigated the quiet streets, the GPS Tomoe had programmed nagging him in that stuck up voice. It wasn’t truly the GPS that was bothering him, however. It was his stomach. It hadn’t stopped gurgling since they got on the road.
Should he have taken Nanami up on ice cream before leaving? Probably not, but why turn down a perfectly good treat when it was offered? Who cared if dairy didn’t quite agree with his stomach?
He ran another stop sign without so much as a glance out either side window or any of the mirrors. If motherfuckers didn’t wanna get run over they shouldn’t walk in the road. Instead, he was reading the tiny labels under the many dials and buttons in the cab, and upon finding an intriguing lock symbol on his door just beneath the windows, he smiled to himself.
Oh. This’ll be hilarious.
With the claw of his index finger he pressed it once, and a loud click sound resonated within the car. Nanami fixed him with a questioning look, a single eyebrow arched, practically daring him to do what he already planned to do. Tomoe lowered his book and scowled.
“Akura, what are you–”
The car fell silent, save for the mind-numbing, skin-shriveling, deafening fart that ripped out of Akura’s ass.
Nanami was the first to scream.
“Oh my god!” she cried, her fingers pinching her nostrils together. “You’re so nasty! What is wrong with you?!”
“Ewwww, Akura-Ou, that was disgusting!” Mizuki whined, his face crumpled and puckered as he wildly fanned his face. Tomoe dropped his head against the headrest and sighed.
“You are absolutely depraved.”
Akura cackled as he watched the scene unfold through the broken rearview mirror. Nanami was gagging– actually gagging– and to his delight, flung her body towards the door and began pressing the window button frantically. It didn’t budge, and it only made him laugh harder.
“You guys smell that?” He shouted above the cacophony as Mizuki joined Nanami in her panic, clawing at his window like a caged rat. Akura inhaled deeply, taking in the pungent smell of methane he’d filled the car with, pleased with himself for such a well-executed prank. That is, until a sharp crack over his knuckles made him yelp, jerking the steering wheel reflexively, and swerving into the oncoming lane.
“Unlock the windows, you bastard!” Tomoe shouted nasally, one hand pinching his nose shut, the other brandishing the fan he’d just hit him with.
“Watch the road!” Nanami screamed, and realizing his error, Akura swerved back into his lane, narrowly missing the SUV that continued to honk at him even as it continued down the street. Fucker. Sighing, he hit the lock button once more, and in an instant three of the windows were rolled down. Nanami stuck her head into the fresh air and took gasping breaths, her hair whipping wildly in the wind.
“Nanami, get back inside!” Tomoe commanded through his own window. “Do not put yourself in unnecessary danger!”
“Do you want me to puke in the car?” Nanami shouted back. They continued to bicker, and with his prank over and done with, Akura was once again left to stare blankly out the windshield, the novelty of driving nearly entirely worn off. He relaxed into his seat, his hands hanging limply from the bottom of the steering wheel, both legs stretched out, and in his lax state, his heavy boots pulled his feet downward, pressing the accelerator down slowly. There was a soft lurch as they picked up speed, the car automatically adjusting as they zoomed down the road, and realizing that he hadn’t seen everything this car could do yet, Akura felt a little twinge of excitement. He watched that needle on the dashboard climb higher and higher, the roar of the car growing louder and louder, their surroundings blurring.
“Hey, guys, isn’t this fun?” He called with a bit of a laugh, and realized that it had gone entirely quiet. He glanced around to find Nanami ghostly pale, her body pressed firmly into the seat, her eyes glued to the back of Tomoe’s head like the fox might do something about his driving. Mizuki’s eyes were bright, and in that moment Akura decided that maybe the snake might not be so bad. He seemed to be enjoying himself.
“Tomoe, look! I’m already going 129 kilometers an hour! That’s pretty fast! I wonder if–”
“Slow. Down!” Tomoe barked, his eyes dark and pupils slitted. Akura’s face fell, and he glanced into the back once more before looking at Tomoe again.
“Slow down? Why? That’s boring! ”
“Tomoe, do something!” Nanami moaned from the backseat. Tomoe growled under his breath.
“I am doing something. Akura-Ou. Slow this car down right this instant.”
“Why?” Akura whined. “You never do anything fun anymore, Tomoe! Look, just look at this thing right here.” He pointed to the speedometer. “If you push the pedal on the floor it makes the car go faster. What do you think the max speed is?”
“Akura-Ou!” Tomoe shouted, but he wasn’t listening.
“Just hear me out! You’re not looking! See this pedal down here,” he ducked beneath the dashboard and pointed to wear his foot nearly had the pedal pressed flush to the floor.
“Oh my god, look at the road!” Nanami screamed so loudly it made Akura jump, and he cracked his head against the bottom of the dashboard.
“Fuck!” he shouted, and sat up abruptly, rubbing his head.
“Brake!” Nanami screamed, throwing her arms around Mizuki and holding him close. “Oh my god, hit the brakes!”
“Oh, shit,” Akura mumbled, and stomped the brake pedal into the floor. They’d reached an intersection, the glaring red light on the traffic signal bearing down at them like an angered god, and with an ear-splitting screech the car careened to a stop, the back end swinging around as they skidded just over the stop line, leaving garish black skid marks on the road behind them.
Again, the car was silent.
“You fool,” Tomoe finally spat out, flicking his fan open with a snap and fanning himself furiously. “You will get us all killed!”
Akura, however, was only replaying the moment in his mind. How had he done that, he wondered, glancing out the windows and studying the angle the car had stopped at. It had happened when he braked really hard. If he did it just right… Smiling, he turned the steering wheel sharply and stomped the gas, then the brake, but it only flung everyone forward in their seats.
“Oh my god, we’re gonna die,” Nanami whimpered, her fingers digging into Mizuki’s yukata as he held her close. “We’re gonna crash and we’re gonna die and I’m not even old enough to drink yet!”
“Hush, Nanami. Akura, stop this!” Tomoe bellowed, but he wasn’t listening. He tested the gas and hard brake combo again, but the car didn’t swerve. He wasn’t going fast enough.
“Hey, Tomoe? What’s the N on this thing stand for?” He asked casually. He ignored the strangled sound of disbelief, waiting impatiently for his answer.
“Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!” Mizuki shouted. “It stands for neutral!”
“Neutral, eh? Hmm…” With his foot still on the brake, Akura flicked the gear shift and tried again, and this time the car swerved in the direction he steered, the back end propelling them in a half circle as he alternated the gas and the brake.
“Stop him!” Nanami cried, her voice screechy and clouding Akura’s enjoyment of his new trick. He slapped away Tomoe’s hands as they made to grab the steering wheel from him.
“Back off, I’m doing something cool!” He barked, putting more and more force into the circles he was making, inhaling deeply the scent of smoke and rubber with every revolution. The crescendo of screams was like music in his ears. Around and around he went, and then.
“Oh! Green means go, right?” With the car now facing forward, Akura continued down the road, leaving behind the crisscrossing tire marks that covered both lanes of the street. No one spoke a word for at least a kilometer.
Tomoe was struggling to catch his breath, occasionally flicking apologetic looks Nanami’s way as Mizuki dried her tears with his sleeve, and frowning when she cried out in pain when onion-flavored crumbs made their way into her eyes. He sneered at his fellow familiar before turning his eyes back to Akura. It would take every ounce of his attention to ensure they made it to their destination alive, he thought bitterly to himself. There would be no more reading for him, not that he knew where his book was anymore. It had been thrown around the car while that damned oni did donuts in an intersection. He chewed on the claw of his thumb as he studied the crosswalks, sidewalks, and hell, the entire damn road for hazards. Akura sure as hell wouldn’t notice if there were any.
Blessedly, they’d made it out of town and had now reached the highway. He begged the fates that Akura would be sated with by the increased speed limit and that his little stunt in town had been all the excitement his friend needed for the remainder of the trip, but it was not to be, because the moment they passed the first posted speed limit sign Akura’s eyes lit up.
“Speed limit? Psh. Like hell! Watch this!”
“Akura, wait–!” Tomoe was struck speechless as the sheer force of the car’s acceleration thrust him backwards into his seat, his breath momentarily stolen as Akura zigzagged across the lanes of traffic, hooting and hollering the entire way. This could not go on.
“If you cannot control yourself then you will not drive, Akura-Ou!” Tomoe bit out as his body adjusted to their increased speed, but Nanami’s tearful whimpers from the backseat would not allow him to relax even for a moment. His mistress was in danger.
“But you saw the sign, didn’t you? It said speed limit, but this car can go so much faster. Look! I’m already going 153 kilometers–”
“Oh gods, make him stop, Tomoe!” Nanami bawled, and that was enough for him. Pupils constricted to pinpricks and ears slicked against his head, Tomoe turned his full fury on to the oni.
“Pull the car over this instant, or I will make you,” he demanded coolly, his open palm sparking with the threat of foxfire. Akura flicked him a bored look.
“Ugh, fine,” he moaned, but a high pitched roar of a racing sports car immediately yanked his attention away from Tomoe, and with narrowed eyes he watched as a glossy red Supra gobbled up the distance between them, then sharply cut in front of their car before speeding off.
“Motherfucker!” Akura growled, and planted his foot firmly on the gas.
“I said pull this car over now!” Tomoe shouted above the roar of the engine, but Akura was locked in, his shoulders hunched to his pointed ears, his sweeping horns angled toward the windshield like a bull in pursuit. Sighing, Tomoe slipped his arm between his backrest and the door, his hand extended to Nanami, and when he felt her clammy palm close over his he gave it a squeeze. A second hand slid over hers, long, cold fingers curling over the back of Tomoe’s hand, and he stiffened in disgust.
“Do not touch me, snake!” he hissed, whirling around to face him, and pouting Mizuki retreated, crossing his arms and staring pitifully out the window.
“Tomoe, take the wheel,” Akura suddenly ordered. Tomoe faced him with eyes wide in disbelief.
“Do what?” he cried, and to his horror, Akura had rolled down the window and was lifting himself out of his seat. The car swerved wildly, first to the right and then to the left as its driver vacated the cab, and Tomoe flung himself over the center console to land roughly into the seat, accidentally buckling Akura’s knees as he fought to regain control.
“Hey, watch it!” Akura barked as he climbed over the top of the car, his head hanging through the window upside down to glare at Tomoe, who responded by plucking the sandal from his foot and chucking it at the oni’s head. With a rabid growl, Akura dodged the shoe and made his way towards the trunk.
“What the hell’s he doing?” Nanami screamed, and thankfully the car began to decelerate to a reasonable speed. Tomoe had no answer for that. A sudden THUNK on the roof of the car startled everyone inside, all eyes on the indentation Akura’s body was making in the ceiling, and though the wind was whipping at his clothes and Nanami’s teeth were chattering, she could make out his dark, murderous chuckle.
“This is for cutting me off, you bastard,” she heard him growl, but then he was screaming and he was gone, flung from the roof to land heavily on the pavement. Something else clattered to the ground, the sound of metal on asphalt sending goosebumps over Nanami’s skin, but Tomoe didn't so much as slow down. Twisting around, Nanami stared at Akura’s receding form, his body and his voice growing smaller and smaller as they continued down the highway. She threw a look at Tomoe, but his face seemed so serene, unbothered by the fact that they’d lost one of their passengers, and though they experienced their first moments of peace since leaving town, Nanami couldn't’ let this go unaddressed.
“Tomoe? We lost Akura,” she said in a quavering voice. He hummed.
“Yes, we have,” he replied, his eyes routinely checking each of his mirrors every few seconds. She swallowed and tried again.
“Are you going to turn around?”
“I am not.”
Her brow furrowed. “Tomoe, you can’t be serious. We have to go back for him!”
His violet eyes flicked up to the broken rear view mirror to stare at her. “Do you know what it was he was doing on the roof?” She shook her head. “That fool had had a bazooka, Nanami. I am not going back for him.”
Her jaw dropped and she exchanged shocked looks with Mizuki.
“A bazooka?” she gasped, and Tomoe nodded. It was insanely difficult to drive in only his tabi socks, and at this rate it would be several hours later than they had anticipated before they would arrive at their destination. He couldn’t afford to stop.
“Still,” Nanami piped up again, and he grit his teeth in annoyance. “Tomoe, he’s your best friend. We can’t just leave him there!”
“We absolutely can,” he countered. “He’s lived this long. I assure you that he will be fine.”
But that wasn’t good enough for Nanami, and with her hands balled into fists she sucked in a breath through her nose.
“Tomoe, go back for Akura right now.”
Word bound, Tomoe was helpless to disobey, and spun the car around to retrieve the angry oni already jogging towards the car. Perhaps he couldn’t defy her, but that didn’t mean that Tomoe had to let Akura back inside the car.
A few minutes later they were once again on the road, Tomoe behind the wheel, Nanami and Mizuki still side by side in the back.
Akura, however, had been bound, gagged, and stuffed in the trunk alongside his beloved bazooka gun.
With some fiddling, Tomoe had figured out the radio, and found a city pop station that softly played through the speakers. No longer fearing for her life, Nanami had worked up an appetite, and had broken into a bag of cheetos puffs with Mizuki, savoring the comforting saltiness as it eased away the last of her tremors.
She plunged her hand into the bag once more, but held still when she heard a strange rustling sound, unsure if it had been the crinkly bag, but the sound didn’t cease. Slowly she withdrew a handful of puffs and looked around the car, wondering what in the world was making that strange scratching. It was almost as if a squirrel had worked it’s way inside…
“Do you hear that?” She murmured to Mizuki, and he nodded slowly.
“What do you suppose that is?” he whispered back, tilting his ear towards the speaker in the door. Perhaps it was radio interference?
Suddenly, Something pressed against her back, and with a yelp she slid to the side, her eyes bulging as black claws burst from the seat and clawed jagged tears up and down the back until they’d created a gaping hole. Akura’s head forced its way through, first one horn and then the other, and he beamed brightly up at her.
“Hey guys, what’s up?”
Tomoe slammed on the brakes.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” He demanded, furious eyes on the rear view mirror. Rather than answer, Akura groaned loudly as he forced his way through the hole, then settled easily between Nanami and Mizuki, his arms stretched out across the back, behind each of their shoulders.
“There’s nothing to do in there,” he finally replied, his eyes on the brightly colored bag in Mizuki’s hands. He gave it a nod. “What are those?”
Resigned, Tomoe continued driving, his muscles tense and quivering as he changed lanes. Hesitantly, Mizuki tilted the bag toward Akura.
“They’re cheetos. They’re cheese-flavored,” he explained, and after a moment of consideration Akura reached inside and plucked out one of the puffs. He loudly crunched it between his pointed teeth, eyes averted as he decided whether or not he liked it. Nanami remained still, her knees clamped tightly together and her hands balled in her lap. This was a horrible idea. A horrible, horrible idea.
“Cheese flavored, huh?” Akura mused, taking another puff and eating it, and then a small handful. “Not bad.”
Tomoe flinched each time the oni crunched on those damned cheetos, his eye twitching when he heard him sucking the tips of his fingers, no doubt cleaning them of the orange dust the puffs were coated in. It sent shivers down his spine, but it was Mizuki’s shout of “Hey!” that was his undoing.
“Enough!” He roared. “Put the snacks away!”
Akura looked up from where he was wiping his damp fingers on Mizuki’s yukata, shrugged, then snatching the bag away he tossed it out the open window, ignoring the shinshi’s strangled cry.
“If I have to reprimand you even one more time, I swear on your gods-forsaken life I will turn this car around and take us straight home!” Tomoe yelled into the mirror. “This has gone on long enough! I mean it, Akura-Ou, I will–”
A siren shattered his tirade, and with wide eyes Tomoe turned around to stare into the flashing lights of the police cruiser behind them as if he was unable to believe what he was seeing. Nanami’s head fell heavily into her hands, a pained moan filling the car as it pulled over to the side of the road.
“We’re doomed,” she lamented. Tomoe put the car in park and rolled down the window, a driver’s license and the car’s information conjured in an instant as he waited for the officer to approach. Nanami peeked between her fingers at him, unsure just how he planned to explain all this to the police, but it seemed she would find out quickly. A uniformed office was at the window in seconds.
“Do you know why I pulled you over…sir?” The officer began, his stern expression morphing into confusion as he looked from Tomoe’s face to his large ears and then his tail. He did his best to compose himself as Tomoe politely extended his information to him.
“I do not,” he said innocently. “Perhaps I was speeding? It was not intentional.”
To the shock of all in the car, the officer laughed. Actually laughed.
“Speeding? No. No, no no. Do you know the speed limit on this highway?”
“I believe the sign read 100,” Tomoe answered. The officer nodded.
“It is, so do you want to explain to me why you were going 72?”
Nanami’s mouth dropped open. 72 kilometers an hour? What was he, a grandpa? Pinching the bridge of her nose, she tipped her head back. She didn’t want to go anywhere anymore. All she wanted was to go back home.
As if he just noticed that there were others in the car, the officer turned his body to look into the back seat. “May I have everyone’s ID please–” Gaze falling on Akura, who wore the most bored expression on his face, the color bled from the officer’s face.
“N-nevermind. Here are your things sir. Please drive safely,” he sputtered, practically tossing Tomoe’s information back through the window and speed walking back to his cruiser. All stared after him, dumbfounded, as he skittered inside and slammed the door hard enough to send a light gust of air through the open window.
“What in the hell…?” Tomoe grumbled, spiriting his information away and rolling the window back up.
“Shame, I was about to bite the bastard’s head off,” Akura said with a wistful sigh. He leaned to look out the back window, as if he was considering going back for him. Tomoe snapped his eyes up to the rear view mirror and they narrowed dangerously, the look in them making Nanami gulp. What in the world did he have planned?
Gasping for air, the police officer fumbled with his seatbelt before finally clicking it in place, his eyes fixed on the car of misfits framed in his windshield. He’d broken out into a cold sweat the moment he’d laid eyes on that thing in the back. He shivered at the memory of them.
In the passenger seat, his partner, a rookie deputy, fixed him with a quizzical look.
“What was all that about?” He asked timidly, eyes shifting between the windshield and his partner. When it seemed he’d finally caught his breath he reached for the laptop mounted between them, punched something into it, then swiveled it for his partner to see.
“That’s what,” he said, his finger stabbing at the picture on the screen. It was the oni, mouth wide in a bone-chilling smile lined with sharp teeth, eyes empty yet filled with evil, his horns unable to fit in the frame. The deputy shivered at the sight, and after forcing himself to look away from the face he noticed the bold command that accompanied the picture: Do not interact with this oni!
He lifted his gaze back to the windshield just in time to see that same oni, now strapped to the roof of the car, his face bound with something he could only call a muzzle, and the driver’s side door slamming shut as whoever had managed to subdue him threw the car back into drive and continued down the highway at a snail’s pace. He blinked rapidly as the car slowly disappeared.
Shaking his head, the officer in the driver’s seat took off his hat and smoothed his palm over his hair. He waited until the car was out of sight before setting off again. A speeding ticket wasn’t worth his life.