Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She starts to feel it the second she walks into first hour. Maybe it’s the bright lights, or the talking, or that sickening smell coming from someone’s perfume, but there’s the eerie presence of throbbing pain and a profound wave of nausea. Taylor fumbles her way to her seat, glancing just briefly to notice Karlie—ever so perfect—leaning her chin on her hand as she talks with Cara. It was a big mistake, immediately overcome with the sharp pain from behind her eye. It would only get worse by the minute, and the stupid, annoying, subtly flickering lights were doing nothing to help the situation. 

Professor Koi wouldn’t be here for a few more minutes, and so she tucked her head into her arms, blackening the world even if just for a second. Maybe she could just disappear into the wood of the desk and rot for the rest of the period or until this monster of a condition faded away. 

Migraines had been a part of Taylor’s childhood since she was 10. She had ran crying to her mother, saying that something was trying to crawl out of her skull and eat her alive. It was then that she discovered that crying is one of the worst things you can do when you have a migraine, since it only dehydrates you more, so it took several bottles of water and a very large nap for her to finally overcome her first migraine. The first of many. They’d been finally issued as chronic when she was 13, and had been taking medication for whenever they spiked. Slowly depleting till a year before now, but it seemed they’ve spiked up again, and her medicine was far away in her Georgia home.

Now, Taylor wallows in pain in her English class and prays for some force to take the pain away. The bell rings for class to begin and she feels as though there is a cleaver ripping through her skull, but only on one half of her body. The worst type of Migraine. The blonde pries her head up, attempts to focus through the period, but the only thing she can focus on is attempting to keep her breakfast in her stomach with the waves of nausea flooding her body.

It would hurt her significantly for not listening today, but she just hoped that maybe they weren’t talking about anything important or something she was interested in. Occasionally, she would try to pick up on cues to understand the class discussion, but the throbbing pain in her ear drum made her decide that it was definitely not worth it. It was easier to just shut her eyes and massage her temples. 

By the end of the period, she’s just happy she wasn’t called on. Withering her way out the door and into the darker presence of the hallway. The only perk to being in this prestigious school built eons ago. 

There’s a hand on her back, and she has to fight herself from screaming, just wanting to curl away with an ice pack to her face. Her pale eyes fall on green ones though, and even though the migraine is still extremely present and painful, she feels herself melt ever so slightly. 

“Are you okay?” Karlie’s delicate voice asks as people rush beside them to get to their classes. Too busy with trying to keep their books in their hands to notice the two of them talk, which Taylor was rather thankful for. The brunettes face is lined with concern, and she hates to see it that way. Taylor is just an invisible girl, and maybe they hang out back in the dorm as friends, but out here she does nothing to help Karlie. 

The singer shakes her head and plays off her fatigue. “Just a headache. I must’ve slept wrong.” 

“Taylor you look like you are about to vomit into the nearest trash can.” 

She definitely felt like that, too. “I’m fine, Karlie. I need to head to my next period.” Taylor attempted to push past her but there was a hand looped around her wrist, halting her.

“You can’t focus if you have a headache. You didn’t raise your hand once in english and we were talking about Rebecca, a novel i know you adore, so you better come with me to get some medicine right now.” Karlie’s snappy tone had caught her off guard, reminding her of when they were still pinned against each other as rivals.

“It won’t help.” Taylor’s own voice was meek, trying to push away the other loud voices that made her head thump louder and louder. 

Karlie rolled her eyes in an almost playful gesture. “You can lie all you want, but I want to help you before people start staring. Missing the rest of your classes won’t be the death of you.” 

“No, Karlie, you don’t get it.” There are tears brimming her eyes out of frustration, but she can’t cry. She knows it makes it worse. 

The grossly appearance of her eyes seems to stop the brunette and listen, but only after dragging them aside into a dead hallway where no one would see them. “Do you want to go to the dorm?” 

She nods, shutting her eyes to relish the world of darkness again. Karlie doesn’t speak again, and she’s grateful for it. Any noise is so sensitive to her head that she feels she might explode from the sound of her own breath in her lungs. 

Karlie leads her through the hall, and she can glance to see everyone is already in their classes. Lucky for them. To everyone else, they still hated each other. Everyone probably chalked up their talk after class as Karlie teasing her for being so quiet. If only the knew. 

Outside the sun is too bright for its own good. Taylor presses her hands to her face, covering her eyes. 

“Is it the light?” 

Another soft nod. 

She hears the sound of fabric being removed and there is the sense of almost complete darkness again. 

“You can use my jacket as a barrier from the light. We are almost to the dorms.”

Karlie holds her hand to guide her, and Taylor hates just how much she loves the feeling. This wouldn’t happen any other time, but she just wants to be Karlie’s best friend so desperately. It sounds ridiculous, but it is all she can think about. Karlie’s smile, the way she smells, the warmth that just radiates around her. She’d like to bask in her sunlight for the rest of her life. But it doesn’t work like that. If they weren’t roommates they probably wouldn’t even associate with each other. It just happened that they had to get along because they roomed together. 

There’s a change in flooring and the sound of a door opening then closing that lets her know they are inside again. The stairs are a nightmare, but the elevator would be worse for her nausea, so they take it step by step. She wants to throw up everytime they take another. Finally just in the distance she can see their door, taking longer strides to try to get there quicker. Karlie holds her hand just a bit tighter to keep her slow and steady, lacing her hand around the doorknob and pushing the door open. 

Taylor collapses to the bed, only making it about half on. Her foot catches on her guitar enough to play a few of the strings, clutching her hands over her ears at the noise. Something she would usually never do. 

“Yep… Definitely just a headache.” She hears Karlie mumble as she shuffles through bags. 

“It’s a form of, I guess.” 

“You don’t have encephalitis do you?” 

Taylor’s head perks up and she furrows her brows. “What? No!” 

“Okay good,” The brunette comes close to her and opens her palm to reveal two pills, “Take these to at least get rid of the pain.” 

“It won’t work.”

“It’s just a pain reliever, Tay-“ 

“It won’t work,” She says again, a bit more desperately this time. Looking at the pills sends her nausea into a raging spike, curling herself into the bed, Karlie’s jacket sprawled over her head. 

“I...” Karlie pauses to think, clearly unsure of what is even happening. “Is this new or...?” 

“No. It’s just,” Taylor groans in pain, “A little annoying.” 

“Do you know what it is?” 

“Migraine.”

“Oh.” She can see Karlie blush, perhaps from the embarrassment of not realizing it earlier. “I think the meds might still help.” 

“No, they won’t.” 

“Can you just take them instead of being stubborn?” It’s snappy this time, and it spikes the hairs on the back of Taylor’s neck. “Sorry, I just, I want to help. I mean, I am missing my math class for this.” 

Taylor peaks her head from the jacket darkness and looks at the pills, two white tablets that have lied to her plenty of times before. She’s hesitant, but she takes them and puts them in her mouth. 

Karlie reaches for the metal water bottle on her desk, “Here you can use this to swallow-“ 

But she’d already swallowed them dry. “Don’t need it. I’ve gotten good at swallowing things.” Karlie raised one brow, and Taylor grabs one of her pillows and chucks it at her. “Not like that!” 

There is a small chuckle from the other girls throat, taking the pillow and pressing it over the singer’s face. “Take a nap, it will help right? I’ll get out of your hair so you can’t rest.” 

“No-“ She spoke on impulse and flushes briefly, setting the pillow aside to brace the light and look at Karlie. “Um- Can you stay? Sorry, I mean, that was stupid. You have classes and I don’t want you to get behind. i’m fine here don’t worry about me-“ 

“Tay, it’s fine, I can stay. I can’t get that far behind from one day. Just rest your head and drink some water.”

Her water bottle is handed to her and she takes a small sip before setting it aside and tucking her head into Karlie’s jacket. “Your jacket is kind of shit at blocking out the light.” 

“Sorry, it’s my light jacket.. Um here, i’ll try to make it darker.” She hears the rustle of the blinds with their small window and then flicking the switch on the room light, making it a lot darker. “How’s that?” 

“Better. Thank you, Karlie.”

“I couldn’t just leave you miserable. It wouldn’t be human of me.” 

“I think lots of people aren’t human here at Gold rush.” 

“And I think that you should stop talking and try to sleep.” 

“I can’t. it hurts.” 

“How did you used to deal with your migraines?” 

“I took medicine.” She spoke feebly. 

“And you told me it didn’t work-“ 

“No, different medicine. Like prescription. But they are in Georgia.”

“Um, and before that?” 

Taylor shrugs in her dark cocoon, “Sometimes my mom would cuddle with me.” 

“Taylor Swift are you asking me to-“ 

“No! You just asked. I answered,” The singer says defensively, “But it would be nice to have a human body next to me.” 

She’s completely sure that Karlie is about to turn away and walk far away from her but she doesn’t. She feels the weight in her bed shift and the warmth of the brunette now laying beside her. She peaks from her covering to meet her eyes. 

“Don’t hurt yourself trying to look at me.” 

“Maybe i just wanted to make sure it was you.” 

“It’s me, Taylor.” 

There is a grin between them and Karlie replaces her jacket with a thicker blanket at the bottom of her bed, covering her eyes.

“Now try to sleep.” 

“I’m trying.”

Karlie doesn’t respond so she takes it as a sign to finally quiet herself and try to genuinely sleep but it isn’t working very well. Maybe it’s the anxiety of Karlie being this close to her, or simply because she has too many thoughts in her head. It isn’t often that your entire world takes a complete 180 turn on itself now that you are completely obsessed with someone who is supposed to be your worst enemy. Her father would be greatly disappointed if her saw her like this, curled beside someone he’d call a maniac and enjoying it so much that it literally hurts her chest and- 

Karlie’s hands are in her hair. She’s massaging her scalp and it feels so good. So good that she hates how good it feel and how much she wants to get closer and close until she can wrap her arms around the other girl’s small frame. But she doesn’t because she’s too scared she’ll make a wrong step and they’ll go back to ground zero. Not even close to being friends. Having food tossed in her hair again. And- 

“Your thoughts are really loud. Just relax.” 

And she pulls her closer. As if that’s going to do anything to solve the issue. Their body’s so close together on this twin mattress that she feels she might combust or throw up or something. But her head is against Karlie’s stomach, and she can hear her heartbeat. It’s so soft and so delicate.. And just the perfect amount of beats. So clam it relaxes her own. Just a thump… thump.. thump.. thump.. 

And she feels herself shrink into Karlie’s arms.

<3 

When Taylor wakes up, the presence of pain has faded, but is still lingering. She’s had migraines that go on for days, and also ones that lasted a few hours. She’s desperately hoping that this one will be disappearing shortly because the thought of having it longer than 24 hours without her meds makes her nausea twirl in her stomach. 

Or actually it was already like that. And It was getting worse by the minute. 

Karlie is still with her, surprisingly, and she seems to have passed out as well, not moving and only the soft sound of breathing echoing the room. The eerie feeling in her stomach is getting stronger and stronger, there is a wave of saliva— and oh god she’s going to vomit. 

The singer peels herself from Karlie as fast as she can and books it to their small bathroom, covering her mouth with her hand. She just narrowly makes it to the bowl before she lurches, her ab muscles contracting tightly. 

There is a few moments of fighting for her life and genuinely thinking she might not live past this, but then slender hands peel the hair from her face and there is a tired voice easing her through the final waves. 

“It’s okay, you are okay,” Karlie mumbles behind her, Taylor finally leaning back and wiping her mouth on the back of her hands. There are already light tears licking down her cheeks from the pressure. 

That was new. Taylor had gotten nauseous in her migraines, but she’d never gotten farther than that. Admittedly, she always wished she had gotten this far because constantly living with the nausea and never getting the satisfaction of solving it was incredibly annoying, but now it’s rather embarrassing since she’s having to be treated like someone with the flu. 

“Karlie, I’m so sorry-“ Taylor starts, before she’s interrupted.

”Why are you saying sorry? Come on, Blondie, you need water.” Karlie loops her arms around Taylor and helps her up, stumbling their way till they’ve reached the bed for her to collapse into again, shoving the blanket over her eyes with a painful whimper. 

There’s the return of the pounding in her skull and she’s trying to think of everything that might’ve triggered the outburst. There is usually something that causes it. Not eating, on her period, waking up to early. Nothing rings a bell. It must’ve just been caused by stress. She’s been stressing about school and her relationship with Karlie that it must’ve just blended together and caused this atrocity. 

There is a straw placed to her lips and the singer recognizes it as her water bottle, sipping the ice cool water obediently and clutching the sheets desperately. 

Karlie hums with approval and sets the bottle back on the nightstand. “Do you want me to get you some chips?” 

“It really hurts…” 

“I know it does, Tay. The salt might help… Or just eating. Have you eaten today?” 

“Well, it’s in the toilet now.” 

“Right. Um, i’m not really experienced with this—“ 

“Can you get me some ice? In a bag?” It’s quieter, but Taylor desperately needs something to press against her eye and forehead so that this raging pain will fade away. Her nausea has faded temporarily at least. She’s not sure how long that will last. 

“Yeah. I can get you ice.” 

She hears Karlie slip on her shoes and exit the room. In the brief moment of silence she takes a moment to breath in lingering sent of Karlie’s perfume in her bed. It’s oddly relaxing, hinting of eucalyptus. Taylor noticed then that she’s still in her school uniform. There was no way she was going back to class if there was now the risk of her spewing chunks in the middle of class. She was no going to be known as Throw up Taylor. 

Bracing the small bits of light, she removes the blanket and strips from the articles of clothing. She roams around blind for a moment, picking up any spare piece of clothing on the floor and slipping it on. It’s a T-shirt, but she immediately recognizes that it’s not hers and she could care less, putting on shorts and falling right back into bed like she’s dying of the black plague. It certainly feels that way. 

The brunette girl returns a few moment later with a bag of ice wrapped in a hand towel and gives it to her gently, a small chuckle leaving her throat. “Are you wearing my shirt?” 

“It’s the first one I could find.” 

“I might as well start calling you mini Karlie if you keep wearing my clothes.” 

“You offered the cardigan to me. And then you refused after I offered to give it back.” 

Karlie shrugs and sits on the bed beside her. “I told you. It looks better on you than it does me.” 

Taylor shakes her head lightly, pressing the ice to her face and letting it soothe the pain, even if just for a moment. “You don’t have to stay here. You can go back to your classes.” 

“There is only one more left, and I had the intention of leaving after you fell asleep, but then I fell asleep, so here we are. I’ll just get caught up tomorrow.” Karlie shrugs, leaning back into the bed. Taylor turns her body to face her, using her functioning eye to observe her. 

“Thank you for staying here with me.” 

“I couldn’t just leave you like that. I know you’d do the same thing for me, because you are way to kind for your own good, I’m just returning the favor.” Karlie holds her arms out wide and pulls her in towards the middle of the bed, taking the thick blanket and pressing it over her head again. “Just try to fight off your migraine. I’ll be here till it’s over.” 

“You might be here awhile,” Taylor jokes, relishing in the cool darkness. 

“That’s okay, nobody has to know. It’s just us here.” 

And oddly, Taylor wishes that was in a different context. 

<3

Chapter Text

It’s difficult to process information you know so little about. The humid wind brushes her curled hair away from her face, Taylor stares emptily into the perfect trimmed green grass of their backyard, there is a rustle of the waves from the shoreline not far off. Would this just be known as their summertime beach house now?

Her parents broke the news to her and Austin this morning over breakfast. This was going to be one of their last meals in the house because in just a few weeks they’d be moving up north to Maine. Maine, of all places. Taylor hid her frustration and anger in the moment, not wanting to seem pathetic by any means. Her dad already thought of her that way after she confessed she wanted to do music for a living instead of business. 

But she would have to leave everything. Her school, her relationships, the library, the music store… all of it. She liked their costal town and how warm it felt among the community. She’d have to leave all of it. 

Taylor desperately needed a moment to think, sitting herself on their back-porch swing and swaying as she listened to the waves crash against sand. When they moved to Maine she wouldn’t even be attending a regular high school anymore. Austin would, sort of, it was a business school, but she would be attending an Academy instead. Gold Rush Academy. It sounded like her worst nightmare. Her family was rich, but she hated rich people. They were always too entitled, and she knew that this Gold Rush Academy would be filled to the brim with them. 

Taylor wanted regular people to hang out with, ones that got her perspective and treated her like a normal human being and not some prodigy. She was just a teenage girl after all. She liked people like Abigail, Brittney, and Dianna. And she’d have to leave all of them. 

Dianna. Dianna was one of her best friends here, and now she just has to leave her and maybe occasionally see her during their breaks? That was ridiculous. Dianna meant so much to her. More than anyone knew. 

Quite seriously. They had been experimenting with eachother for a few months now. Nothing more than a few kisses and lingering touches. She wouldn’t consider Dianna her girlfriend by any means, but they certainly weren’t just friends. Her parent didn’t know about it at all, and she hoped they didn’t. If they found out she might like girls, this situation would turn a million times worse. The last thing her dad needed to deal with was the world knowing his daughter was a girl kisser. 

Taylor hated that her identity was treated like that, but it was true. It was an extremely harsh world they lived in, especially with her dad deep into the business world. She had to keep her appearances straight. Literally. 

She sways once more and notices the unlatching of their backyard picket fence gate, the handle sliding up and then someone pushing the door open. Just a moment later a familiar blonde face peaked through into the backyard and smiled once they locked eyes. 

“Hey, Tay. What’s got you so down? Nothing happened to Mere right?” Dianna asks, shutting the gate behind her and following up the grass path to where the deck lined to the house. 

“No! Nothing happened to Mere, just a lot to think about.” Taylor shrugs her shoulders, patting the spot next to her so that Dianna could sit down. 

“Like?” Dianna pries, sitting next to her and brushing their shoulders. There is a small zing between the two of them, Taylor’s hair spiking up. It wasn’t like she could just tell Di. Well, she could. She had the power to and it was probably the best decision, but her tongue was caught in her throat. 

“It’s nothing.” 

Dianna scoffs at her attempt to brush it off, “Is this your way of hinting that you want to try something else-?” 

“No-! I just… Di, I’m moving.” It comes out like word vomit and she stares into daring green eyes that lock with her own in an odd look of confusion. 

“What?” 

Taylor takes a large gulp of saliva that has built up, “My dad wants to move up north so that he can be closer to the Kloss Industry.” 

Dianna shakes her head in disbelief, “So you are just, leaving?” 

“We will still own this house, for vacation mainly, but everything is coming with us to Maine. I’m going to school there and- Oh, Di, I’m going to miss you.” Taylor can’t even hide the tears that are building up in her eyes. “I wanted to fight my parents on it but they already made arrangements- I’m going to this academy and-“ Taylor takes the hair tie from her wrist, lifts it up and lets it snap back down onto the skin. Dianna’s hand stops her. 

“Hey, don’t do that. It’s okay. This… God it’s going to suck without you Tay, but I’ll live and so will Abi and Brit, have you told them yet?” 

“No, you are my first.” She admits shamefully. 

“I’m your first for lots of things-“ Dianna cracks a smile and Taylor gives her a rough shove. “I’ll help you. If you need someone to help pack or someone to call when you are a million miles away, i’ll be here.” 

Taylor smiles, taking her hand into her own. “I kind of wish you weren’t so perfect.” 

“I can’t be mad at you if it isn’t your fault. You’ll call me though, won’t you?” 

“Of course I will.” 

“And give me a big fat kiss before you leave?” 

Taylor shakes her head, resting it on the blonde’s shoulder. “Maybe when you are helping me pack. I’ll miss you.” 

“I’ll miss you too. When are you leaving?” 

“In two weeks.” 

Dianna stands up and offers her hand with the bright smile. “Then let’s try to make it the best 2 weeks, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

<3

She doesn’t call Di when she gets to Gold Rush. Doesn’t even think about her. it brings pain and guilt. And the memories of a nightmarish two weeks.