Work Text:
Of course, that people in the eyes of the demonic population - spineless cattle, which is worthy only to be dirt underfoot or even lower, so there is nothing to talk about respect, but ... In the heart of everyone who lived outside the human lands, found a place for a single exception in dazzling light clothes. Of course, this "white sensation", breaking the very principle of the worldview of demons, was on the rumor 24/7, without weekends and breaks, even on the holiday of commemoration of the dead.
Liu Qinghe's personality was discussed by everyone who had the opportunity to communicate. The most demonic man, who was more demonic than any demon, became a true standard, a hero, to emulate which is honorable and worthy.
- ... and then he "bang" his Chengluan, and the earth crumbled into pieces! No one could withstand such a blow from the lord, but it was the God of War, Liu Qinghe!!! And you know what happens next?!
The demons in the teahouse listened to their three-eyed counterpart with solemn faces, nodding their heads respectfully at the mention of the name of this 'ultra indestructible man'. In their imagination, this battle seems to be happening here and now, right in front of their noses, who feel the full heat of the battle almost physically. As if a single organism, they shared the adrenaline rise in their blood as well as their blood pressure from this story.
The narrator, overcome with emotion, climbed out onto the table, and almost screaming, raised his hands to the ceiling as he continued his speech.
- And he rose like a phoenix from the ashes! On both feet! Without even soiling his magnificent robes, he stood before our lord!!!! Like a spring of Eternal Life, unconquerable and unrelenting, he once again raised his sword and rushed into battle for his love for Luo Binghe!!!!
The three-eyed man pushed the crowd to the limit. Demons of all colors and breeds chanted the caster's name with an almost religious fanaticism. Many flowed tears of awe at this man, and some took out of the sinuses of white ribbons and tied on their heads, loudly emitting a battle cry.
When the crowd calmed down a bit, the three-eyed man wrapped his arms around his listeners, continuing his speech in a quieter tone.
- And isn't this immortal the only one worthy to be our lord's consort? Who would dare to say that his courtship of our lord is not worthy or careless! Who would dare to say that Liu Qingge is not romantic or his heart is not loving enough?!!!!
The demons began to shout with renewed vigor throughout the teahouse.
"No one!!!!"
"I'll cut off the head of anyone who dares!!!"
"I would die a thousand times for such a groom!!!"
"Liu Qinghe is the very heart of love! He is the only one!"
"Everyone wants Liu Qinghe! Even my father! How long will Luo Binghe resist the pressure of his love?!"
The shouts of the excited crowd became much more aggressive, and if they heard even a hint of a contrary opinion, they wouldn't even be able to find a wet spot from this underdog in the teahouse.
- None of us can remain indifferent to the struggle of this beautiful man! I, the Three-Eyed Indestructible Worm, am willing to recognize only him and no one else as the lord's mate! The ruling family over our people can only be of the strongest, and that is only Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge! There is simply no other way, and with that, I've said it all!
"Yes! That's right!!!"
"Liu Qinghe is our empress! He's perfect!"
"Only the God of Love! God of Love! God of Love!"
***
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- None of us can remain indifferent to the struggle of this beautiful man! I, the Three-Eyed Indestructible Worm, am willing to recognize only him and no one else as the lord's mate! The ruling family over our people can only be of the strongest, and that is only Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge! There is simply no other way, and with that, I've said it all!
"Yes! That's right!!!"
"Liu Qinghe is our empress! He's perfect!"
"Only the God of Love! God of Love! God of Love!"
***
Liu Qingge, although injured, was still very dangerous.
The demons who tried to cautiously approach him understood this well. The caster was sitting under the tree as if he was sitting on a throne, no less, and it was reasonable to conclude that he knew exactly how many of them there were and what level of strength they had. The only reason he didn't attack immediately was because they were still waving their makeshift flag from afar, which urged him to endure their presence.
- Liu Qinghe's close up is unbelievable! I will be able to brag to my family that I saw a hero from such a small distance! I will be envied for three generations to come!
The commotion on the far side of the hillock from where the caster was sitting only intensified, but the demons were no less cautious.
Shoving and huddling in a half-whisper, the small band of eight demons continued their desperate advance toward the white-robed legend. They were driven by a fierce desire to express their admiration and words of encouragement to the warrior.
Liu Qinghe himself was sitting under the tree with a look so relaxed that it should have been frightening, as dead men were more toned than him. However, the demons thought about it, they were simply not worthy of even a twitch of a muscle on his beautiful face. Who were they anyway, so that the God of War himself, who had fought almost non-stop for five years with their ruler, would suddenly react to them?
Ridiculous to the point of belly laughing at such ridiculousness!
Step by step, and the humble band of daredevils found themselves twenty paces away from their idol. Demons trembled with horror and at the same time in awe of the man, who almost stacked on the tree on the ground, showing those who came to the maximum degree of relaxation.
This blatant demonstration of his power and superiority simply won the hearts of the demons. They are perfect nothing, because for this warrior, even dust is more of a threat than all of them combined.
There he is, the mighty Liu Qinghe! A tale of valor and ardent love clothed in a body! Here he is, named and recognized by the demons as their only Empress!
Freezing in the deepest bow before the man, one of the demons addressed him.
- Your Excellency! Allow these unworthy ones to express their deepest respect and honor to you. These insignificant dared to disturb your rest only to say: the entire demonic people just waiting for the ruler Luo Binghe bowed under the inexorable pressure of your seductive charms and recognize his only possible pair. There is, has never been and will never be anyone more worthy than you!
The group of visitors of the "newly-appointed royalty" did not notice how easily the unbreakable Liu Qinghe was struck down by her words, managing to squeeze out a questioning moo from the not-so-relaxed warrior.
The demonic representative of public opinion hurriedly replied to the caster.
- Oh, Worthy! The strength of your feelings is only shown by your actions, as befits a real man. What can the wretched men who dare to open their black mouths understand? Do these bastards understand that love must only be won in battle? How can it be otherwise, if then there is no respect or passion in a family? But we understand you well, and we see how you are truly burning with the fire of determination to do the right thing. Every single person who dares to carry the proud title of 'man' is rooting for you and your success.
Liu Qinghe cried. Silent tears moistened the still face of the great warrior and this display of emotion did not go unnoticed. The demons, seeing the openness of their idol to them, trembled with respect for his person even more. This man is not afraid to express his feelings in front of others. He is honest to himself and the world, he accepts himself without shyness or doubt, because life is one, and it is foolish to waste it on false things.
- Liu Qingge, you are the only one who can win the lord's heart! We believe in you!!!
- Yes!!!
- Liu Qinghe!!! Liu Qinghe!!! Liu Qinghe!!! We believe in you, man!!!
The demons chanted his name with such a shout that the leaves on the trees could be torn to shreds by the impact of the sound wave.
- If Luo Binghe has not yet accepted you and your feelings, it is only because he is still very young and shy! Don't let up the pressure!
- Yes!!! You will definitely reach him! Your love is as righteous and pure as the dew on the petals of a white orchid! Conquer him!!! We are with you!!!
Liu Qinghe continued to lie motionless under the tree and cry. In his heart, he cursed Mu Qingfan who had decided to test the new pills on him. His body didn't accept one of the ingredients, and this unexpected effect deprived him of the ability to kill the abnormal demons. But he wanted to crush them into tiny crumbs for the nonsense that their sick mouths were spewing. I wanted to cry so badly.
***
Luo Binghe didn't really understand the gimmick of why Sha Hualin was being looked at with particular disdain even by the demon dogs, but he didn't bother to look into it.
The newfangled trend that almost every demon had something white of clothing or jewelry in one way or another didn't catch his attention either. Even Manmo's. Who, for some reason, managed to denigrate Sha Hualin with a mere glance worth mentioning to the girl. That was strange too, but not strange enough to be seriously puzzled by such a small thing.
The suspicion that something had gone wrong came about quite by accident: during another scuffle with Liu Qinghe, in which he lost again, Luo Binghe saw the half-dead man receiving applause from the demonic subordinates.
The full realization that there was an incomprehensible devilishness going on and that it had to be dealt with came after the already weak trade with people at the border was completely cut off. The pretext - stupid people do not know anything about courtship and do not realize how great and beautiful the feat of a certain "God of Love".
Luo Binghe decided to act decisively after his hysterical shishu came to him at the Huan Hua Palace only to shout the strange phrase "you will never see me as Empress" and fly away at the speed of light.
Luo Binghe was then... taken aback? No. Definitely not. That's too weak a word to describe his feelings. Maximum shock? Very similar, but still not the same.
And while the ruler was trying to deal with the feelings he was left with after the incredibly eccentric visit, his demonic retinue looked at him with either judgment or reproach.
After the question "what was that all about?" another one appeared in the ruler's mind - "why such a reaction?".
Unable to withstand the young ruler's stupor, Manmo simply went on a rampage, pouring a new portion of shock content on his head.
"Are you an idiot? You don't understand at all how he poured his heart and soul into you, and you, you fool, didn't even grasp the meaning of his actions! You are simply not worthy of this man! For offending such a one..."
Luo Binghe didn't hear further simply because he couldn't. He was in absolute shock and absolute incomprehension of what was happening, and it was time to put an end to it.
***
Shen Qingqiu had picked the perfect time to come out of the ground to hear the voices of the angry demons nearby. They had built a fire a few steps away from his burial place and were making chowder, loudly discussing their ruler.
Thinking of his abominable luck, the man was grabbed under the arms and pulled to the surface without much effort. Honestly plucked from the soil like a radish!
Hotly thinking about how to now save his life in a new, still disobedient body, the resurrected lord of the top of the scientists twisted in his huge hands, a creature that looks like a fragment of a mountain, trying to see the "dug find".
The demons that remained seated by the fire also turned their faces in his direction. Covered with a thick layer of dirt, with long hair and an equally long beard, the caster did not look like a man at all. He smelled of fresh soil and a strong herbal scent that could not belong to a human creature.
The hulking man's hands stopped tightly clenching after a moment, and the dumbfounded Shen Qingqiu was carried to the fire, sitting down in a circle next to the others
Confused, the caster couldn't get a word out, but it wasn't necessary.
- Monster gardeners didn't come around very often. It's good to see you, father. Are you alone, or are you with your escapes?
Shen Qingqiu quickly realized that he was lucky - being mistaken for a monster in this situation was very good. However, why 'father'? What's with the familial attitude?
Do they think he's too old?
Oh, okay. The word "escapes" remains unclear, though.
- Excuse me, what kind of escapes are we talking about?
The demon who spoke to him stared at his grimy face, then reached out and stroked his dirty hair, expressing compassion and trying to comfort him.
- I'm sorry, dad. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Everyone knows how you monster gardeners are extremely family-oriented and sensitive about your children leaving for adulthood. A lot of you could die from that. Don't hold a grudge, Father. I'm sure your shoots have settled well in their new soils and are living happily.
The demon stopped comforting Shen Qingqiu and asked to pour a bowl of soup for their guest. The entire company bustled about, preparing to eat, thus giving the caster time to think about the situation.
Shen Qingqiu tried hard to recall who these monster vegetable gardeners were, and why demons suddenly cared about respecting other demons' feelings.
Had something happened in the world while he was growing his new bodily shell? Or had several eras passed and now he was seeing the results of the emotional evolution of the demon race?
Heck, what had happened while he was not among the living?
A plate of hot soup ended up in his hands. Surprisingly, the dish is edible and smells good - you can see bits of vegetables and also a chicken leg.
The caster's stomach rumbled treacherously.
- Eat, don't be shy. I'm sure you've been in the ground for a long time. Now it's time to eat and regain your strength.
Thinking that the demon was as right as ever, the caster took a sip. The soup was tasty enough, but even the food could not take away the sharp taste of being lost in time and space.
- Tell me, honored ones, what year is it? What's going on in the world? This one's been underground for a long time and doesn't know anything ...
- Well, it's the sixth year of Lord Luo Binghe's reign.
The main protagonist's name caused Shen Qingqiu's emotions to flare up, but he didn't get distracted. According to the calculations, he had been growing in the ground for a full five years.
Oh, heavens! What took so long!!!
Damn Shang Qinghua! What was he even doing that he had to spend so much time cultivating his body?
- He was also able to unite all the demon tribes under his banner. Young, ambitious, yet... completely blind in his heart.
The entire company grumbled unhappily, chugging their soup with indignation, but Shen Qingqiu was intrigued, there was no stopping him from asking questions now.
- What do you mean blind at heart? Is he ruthless or not moderately cruel?
The demons seemed to darken.
- No, father. He doesn't see or appreciate the feelings of one magnificent caster from Mount Baizhan. Dazzling as a white orchid flower and fierce as a dragon, Liu Qingge, for more than five years fought every day to the death with our lord, trying to induce the young lord to marry and start a family. His careful and persistent courtship won over all the demons, but he was left with nothing.
...
...what? ... Liu... Liu shidi... What????
Inside Shen Qingqiu, everything froze. He shockingly stared at the demon who spoke with his mouth open. The one read this guest's expression in his own way.
- Father, it must be hard for you to hear of such neglect, but accept the fact. Our ruler is a soulless, stale, dry man who has lost all our respect because of it. The ardent heart of the worthiest of men has been left lying broken in the dust. His great sincere feelings turned into unnecessary trash on the side of the road... No, I strongly believe that the most righteous of all men has become an irreparable loss to young Luo Binghe, but he will only realize it when it is too late.
The other demons almost spat angrily on the ground at Luo Binghe's name, began to scold their ruler with renewed vigor.
"He is not worthy of Liu Qinghe or the throne."
"We cannot be ruled by someone who is soaked in human abomination! How can he be trusted and faithfully served if he doesn't understand the meaning of the words 'loyalty' and 'love'?"
"Unfortunate blind man! Liu Qinghe is the best of the best. No one can be more worthy than him."
Shen Qingqiu stopped breathing. He also had a suspicion that he had woken up in another reality. Why wouldn't he be?
Once he died and was transported to a porn novel. The second time he died, it was realistic that he was transported to a new place again.
From this theory the caster was able to come to his senses a little. Apparently, he really could now be a monster - a vegetable gardener, and Liu Shidi - gay to the core, who ardently lusts for the protagonist.
Shit. This is a rather unexpected twist in the plot of life.
Now we have to start all over again. Gather information again and try to survive again.
Wait ... What if he really does have escapes somewhere and he doesn't even know about them? What if he really is a father of many children, who can die of longing and sorrow for his children? Demons do not just call him "father", right? That's what you say to someone who actually has a lot of offspring or at an age when most people are old enough to be your children.
Holy crap. What's next?
- Guys, let's be a little quieter and easier on the words! We have an old man with us who recently came to the surface.
Suddenly, a big juicy carrot was placed on Shen Qingqiu's lap with words of apology .
- Don't be angry, Father. Our ruler is half human, and those monsters have a tendency to spit on our souls. We respect and recognize only one of this vile family, Liu Qinghe. And you would respect him too if you saw him once. This God of Love is so much more courageous than any of us that he didn't hesitate to show other demons his feelings through tears. The proud human man wept with sincere words of support from the demons, completely unafraid of judgment or accusations of weakness. Our brethren told this story, and we could understand - he was simply stronger than everyone else. He was heavenly stronger, since his sensitive heart opened so freely in front of strangers.
Completely frustrated and lost, Shen Qingqiu automatically nodded his head and bit into the carrots he had been given, wondering how to handle his own affairs now that he had been brought to a world where Liu Shidi openly wept in front of demons when they gave him moral support.
***
Luo Binghe sat in the cold room by the bedside of his teacher's corpse, pondering where he had gone wrong. All of his power had been jeopardized. Liu Qinghe had stopped coming and now blowing off steam in battle was proving impossible. Menmo got into such depths of his consciousness that it is impossible to reach - the old man very directly expressed his attitude to him and is offended almost to death. And the corpse remains only a corpse. Because of the imposed problems now there is no time to continue research on the resurrection of the dear man, because he was threatened by a palace coup.
Everything he's accomplished has been for the teacher. And now what? His kingdom is inexorably beginning to crumble, his years of hard work to the point of bloody sweat have gone to waste. He's been abandoned by everyone he can think of.
And, more importantly, why? Because Liu Qinghe had inexplicably become a demon idol. He took offense when they called him Empress. And then he simply went home and stopped fighting over his teacher's body, because this misunderstanding with the courtship was finally able to step on his pride. Not everyone would be able to walk calmly on the ground when he changed from a God of War into a God of Love.
Luo Binghe wasn't even sure in himself that he would have been able to ignore this moment, put together his situation like this. Half of the world, which the warrior fought tirelessly, now considers him worthy of the place of the Empress and their ruler, and the other half of the world denigrates him and laughs in the righteous cultivator's face that he is now friends with the longtime enemy of all people.
On that unfortunate day, when the warrior hysterically left without saying goodbye, the demons regarded this situation as "I loved you and pursued you, but everything has a limit, now hang out alone".
In addition, the situation of mutual hatred between humans and demons had become many times worse. Because of the same Liu Qinghe.
People scream that he's a loser for losing to the same half-demon for five years, and the demons don't forgive their idol's offenses and take revenge on him. There's almost a real war going on at the border, which Luo Binghe can't handle anymore. No one respects him as a ruler, he is no longer an authority, despite the fact that according to the main law of force, he is the only one who can stand at the head of everyone.
Why? Because Liu Qingge was supposedly sincere with the demons, and they loved him like family.
Of course, that's nonsense. The first person in history who hates demons has become the standard of demonic nature for them. No kidding, now everyone is trying to be like Liu Qingge, he is a model for them.
And the heavenly demon has become trash and is crashing because he doesn't like this person. Doesn't love because he is as heartless as all humans.
Speaking of Sha Hualin. It turns out that the demons thought she was trying to cross Liu Qinghe, and they hounded the demoness to the bone. She had to be removed from her position and seconded somewhere far away. But Mobei ...
Blue-skinned bitch, he married Shang Qinghua, which diverted the anger of the masses. My husband is a fellow student of Liu Qinghe, so don't you dare look at the legend's fellow fighter with a crooked eye!
So the young ruler is left alone, without cover, without allies and on the verge of madness. His head was beginning to ache from these contradictions, but the worst part was that he didn't know how to solve it.
Taking the teacher's cold hand in his own, the half-demon pleaded in his heart.
"Teacher, I know you would definitely help me."
What he didn't know was that his teacher had actually come back to life, and was frantically tearing up the soil around his burial ground with his bare hands in search of potential escape children. And he doesn't give a damn about Luo Binghe, Liu Qinghe, or the rest of the world, because his children could still be in the ground.
He also doesn't know that the wise Yue Qingyuan is already writing him a letter that could unpleasantly settle most of the problems that have arisen.
Well, who said it would be easy? Hemorrhoid treatment is a necessary procedure, whether it feels good or not.
***
Liu Qingge has been living in a time house for about half a year now, afraid to even be seen by anyone.
His honor as a person and a warrior has been completely destroyed.
Oh, and Mu Qingfang hasn't apologized for the pills. Not at all. Not even a word.
Yue Qingyuan, however, put heat behind his skin - "Look, Liu shidi, what you've done with your persistence. You've ruined your honor and finished off the remnants of our sect's pride, even though I warned you that there might be trouble"
Oh, the leader scolded him with soft words, but was it hard to understand what exactly Yue Qingyuan wanted to say?
Not at all.
The selection of new disciples had broken down. Because no one came.
The demons think he's a love icon. Because they're problematic idiots.
The school is struggling financially. No one wants to cooperate with those who don't know how to do business.
The top accountant of the Righteous Cultivator Sect is at this moment fornicating with a demon somewhere in the icy expanse. Which also helps ruin Qianqiong's centuries-old shining reputation.
It was Shen Qingqiu who started this shit, though. Their strategist and tactician, who's lying dead somewhere in Huan Hua. Where the Heavenly Demon, his apprentice, has set up residence. The one from the story "The Regrets of Chunshan".
Written by a disciple of Xiangshu Peak. Liu Qinghe's sister.
Yes, the same God of Love. of the Qianqiong sect. The one who's causing war on the border because demons love him.
Just because he's sincere.
Mu Qingfang is a bitch. How could they experiment on the best warrior in the sect? Answer: because he's the most resilient and strongest, who else?
By the way, the healer was standing next to them when Head Yue Qingyuan sneered at them. And he still didn't apologize. Bastard.
The sect leader's level of happiness was far from even "compatible with life" and he became somehow fearful and anxious. What if he resigned from his post and then what?
Although, what is the point of drowning with the sect?
Thought one of the perpetrators of the fall of the best school of improvement....
Unable to bear the nauseatingly sad thoughts, Liu Qingge decided that it was time to go fishing. Inedia is certainly a cool skill, but money couldn't be earned for new black silk clothes this way. The white one somehow started to cut his eyes with the last hour.
***
Shen Qingqiu sat on the broken ground with half a hundred strawberry bushes that had a strange resonance with him. He looked at them with a disbelieving gaze, experiencing a complex palette of emotions.
Great, he'd found something that could fit within the concept of his shoots, but what next? Maybe they wouldn't survive transportation somewhere out of this place and die? And if they do, what happens to him? Will he die of grief? Monster gardeners really are very sensitive.
It's good that he had time to contact Shang Qinghua. Soon, that stupid author would come and help him sort out all this crap. Provided there's one in this world too....
Shen Qingqiu thought about it for a long time. Was it worth taking such a risk and summoning a caster? What if Shang Qinghua is strong here? Then he will just kill him if he turns out not to be a Sky Shooting Plane. Well, what if this caster turns out to be an evil and treacherous monster? What to do with the escapees? How to survive on your own?
But the risk was necessary. Shen Qingqiu felt like he was broken against this rocky shore of life and simply couldn't think of anything else.
Suddenly, somewhere fifty paces away, a strange crackling of space was heard. The sound seemed new and dangerous, so Shen Qingqiu decided to take his escapes and take cover behind a rock, where he built himself a simple shelter just in case.
Cautiously peeking out from behind the boulder, the former peak lord saw a portal open and out of it came Mobei Jun, followed by Shang Qinghua.
It was certainly strange to see the two of them together, but this was no longer the world of canon. One should be on guard.
Being a demon with a pure bloodline, Mobei immediately realized that there was someone hiding behind the rock.
- My husband... there's someone here.
After saying that, he continued to keep an eye on his surroundings, which soon changed. From behind a boulder of a nearby rock, a piece of dirt that looked remotely like a person soon emerged. In his hands were small plants.
Mobei instantly stopped Shang Qinghua, catching him by his fur collar as he rushed out of his seat to meet the unknown person.
- Tsinghua, husband, don't hurt him! It's a monster of a vegetable gardener! They are very familial and he has many shoots!
Shen Qingqiu, who had twisted his leg, howled in pain and annoyance. Shang Qinghua turned out to be so important and scary that he is asked by the ice demon himself not to offend others ....
Fuck ... His little shoots ... One was crushed when it fell .
Tears were hard to hold back, but he managed. Until Mobay put his hand on the top of his head and stroked his hair comfortingly. That was when a crushing tantrum broke out.
Shen Qingqiu began to sob at the top of his voice, and Shang Qinghua, unable to bear such drama from his cucumber brother, slapped him with all his might, trying to ignore the shocked and disbelieving gaze of her beloved husband.
- Shang Qinghua! I condemn it! You can't do that! Look at him, he has children in his arms and one just got seriously hurt!
The spellcaster turned to the indignant husband, trying to speak louder, for due to his friend's tantrum, he wasn't sure if he would be heard.
- This is Shen Qingqiu, my Davan! This is our peak lord Shen! Do you hear that? It's not a monster - a vegetable grower, he smells like that because of his new plant body! It's a human caster!
Mobay took a closer look at the face hidden by layers of dirt. Indeed, he was familiar with it.
Taking his hands off the man, the ice demon stepped back and greeted the mountain lord.
- ''Good afternoon, Shen Qingqiu. I apologize for this misunderstanding. Your scent confused me, and it is not customary for us to offend this kind of monster. If they are offended, the entire family will be cursed for ten generations. Only green-skinned children will come out of the female womb, and this is quite problematic... well... when the child photosynthesizes... Husband, did I say that word right?
Shang Qinghua smiled approvingly at his demon.
- ''You're doing a great job, my Davan. Well done.
A day later.
Shen Qingqiu finished planting the strawberry tubers. Shang Qinghua explained to him that they resonated with him because of the soil these plants shared with him, and it was time to step out of being a monster vegetable gardener already.
But would it really be that easy? Shen Qingqiu had already managed to accept himself as such in the past week, so not so fast, Brother Airplane.
Then there was a long questioning about what was going on, and the caster realized that the world was cracking at the seams. He also realized that his stupid shidi Liu had to die in those damn caves after all. This world couldn't stand two powerful alpha males, and was now punishing this universe in its own sophisticated way.
Oh, and I almost forgot... Luo Binghe. He's the number one pervert for keeping his corpse with him, and if Chunshan Regrets was to be believed, it was clearly not for torture.
After spending over six hours taking a bath and about an hour getting a haircut, Shen Qingqiu once again felt like a good old Cucumber who could handle anything. Everything except trashing the megatons of shit that was left as a result of his own life's work amongst the venerable cultivators. He had to admit to himself that most of that demonic dung was because of him after all. And Liu Qinghe. And Luo Binghe. And Yue Qingyuan. Why couldn't their sect leader just chop off everyone's stupid heads? And Liu Mingyan. And Ming Fan. And Yang Yixuan. And ....
***
Luo Binghe was sitting in the guest room at a table in the company of two people. They were the head of Yue Qingyuan and Mrs. Liu. They were all here for one thing - Liu Qingge's wedding to him, Luo Binghe. Smart adults have decided to do the smart thing and very mature, so it seems like things should work out. However, Liu Qinghe hasn't come yet. They are waiting patiently for him, while having a measured conversation.
- Mrs. Liu, tell me about your family. I've heard that my shidi's father was a great man.
Yue Qingyuan very elegantly sipped his sip and focused his soft expression on the pretty woman.
- ''Oh, Head Yue, you won't appreciate this story. My son is incredibly similar to my late husband, they are like two ....
- You don't have to continue. I'm still just starting to achieve peace of mind, so let's just talk about the good things.''
Madam exhaled a sigh of relief and took a sip of tea with a slight smile. She's still in remission and can't move on. Stupid children. They make the whole estate stink of rotten eggs and rotten vegetable juices run down the white walls.
And sometimes, one can find sprawling charcoal inscriptions "God of Love, we will avenge you Luo Binghe, we swear on our lives!".
The lady looked at the young man who is called the ruler of the demonic realm. A brainless little puppy. That's what she thinks of him. She was also interested in one question:
- Mr. Luo, could you do me a favor?
Luo Binghe tore his gaze away from the lacquered tabletop, looking at the woman with interest.
- Which one, Miss Liu?
The woman slipped him a piece of blank paper and a charcoal pencil.
- Please write your name. I want to know for sure how to spell it. It's just that I have different demonic variations on the walls of my manor, it's confusing.
Luo Binghe quickly and carefully wrote his name while gritting his teeth. A very large stone had landed in his garden... Obviously, the demons had written swear words instead of his name...''
The lady with a smile took the sheet, modestly thanking the future son-in-law, thinking to herself that this is what this lousy dog should do. She didn't raise her white orchid to give it to all sorts of demonic goats.
Liu Qinghe never showed up.
Luo Binghe, the head of his sect and his future mother-in-law, jointly decided to appear in front of his demonic subjects, announcing his hunt for Liu Qinghe to marry him.
The demons cheered, spreading the good news to every corner of their realm. Even Mengmo showed up again.
Who knew that demon democracy would triumph over imperialism?
***
Liu Qingge was having a great time among his new mermaid girlfriends. He liked this species of non-humans a lot for their peacefulness and especially for the fact that they only remembered what they often saw. Simply put, not a damn thing that could even remotely hurt the rehabilitation of their own pride and dignity. The cute tailed half-fish are gentle and unobtrusive, helping with getting tasty fish and showing you where their enemies live. At this pace, they feasted for days on some hellish lobster meat and rubbery cuttlefish kebabs.
Life finally gave them a break.
The company of sweet-voiced sisters, so reminiscent of a loving family, pulled him into their rhythm completely.
Now Liu Qingge walks around in heavy necklaces of pearls and gold, actively saturating his body with vitamin D and life-giving fish oil, full of magical amino acids.
The warrior acquired a sexy tan, began to come out of a prolonged depression and went to hidden caves with girlfriends for new jewelry, spending fabulous amounts of shells and tasting unseen delicacies in expensive grotto-restaurants. His life became like a fairy tale of eternal bliss, where there is no room for gossip and human contempt, where there is no vile Luo Binhe and disgraced corpse of Shisun. No eternal losing battles. No cursed demons. And the stern Yue Qingyuan.
Lying on the white sand and listening to the murmur of the salty turquoise waves, he basked in bliss, letting the cute silly half-fish entertain him with songs and the play of light on their beautiful iridescent tails.
But everyone knows that no man can have a hundred days of sunshine in a row.
One day, someone no one expected to see showed up on the beach - Shen Qingqiu with the body odor of Iceberg lettuce.
***
. - Shidi???
- Shen Qingqiu???
The stares didn't last long. The mermaid collective became very alarmed, smelling something agitated and anxious from their new member of the fish school. The mermaids blocked Liu Qingge with their beautiful, lush-breasted bodies and began to hiss at the stranger, causing him a nosebleed.
- No, sisters, leave him alone, this is my... dead friend. I fought for his body for five long years.
One of the mermaids turned her pretty face, a look of bewilderment on her face.
- But gage, he's alive. Or do people walk even when they are dead?
Liu Qingge looked at Shixiong, answering confidently.
- I don't know, sister. I don't know anymore.
After getting out of the protective embrace of their new busty tribe, the spellcasters walked silently toward the shore.
Toward evening, Liu Qingge returned very upset. He had given up his reputation and five years of his life for a man who didn't consider him a close comrade at all, as Liu Qingge thought. He didn't want to share his secret of cultivating a new body with him. And like an idiot, he broke the sect head's prohibitions and desperately tried to retrieve his friend's body for a proper burial.
Retreating into the comforting arms of a woman, he left Shen Qingqiu somewhere behind. It turns out that Shixiong is looking for a place to temporarily hide from Luo Binghe.
Let him go away and look for another place. This shore is already occupied and there's no room for him here.
***
Shang Qinghua! I accidentally found Liu Shidi! He's completely fallen under the spell of the mermaids!
The aforementioned lord was sitting in a cushioned armchair and talking through a communication talisman while snapping seeds.
- What?! Why is he on the shores of the Azure Sea? That's very dangerous! Oh, wait. That's why. Okay, have you seen him yet?
- Yes.
- Well? You didn't keep quiet, you had to talk, right?
Shen Qingqiu didn't reply anything. Only his hoarse, complicated breathing could be heard.
Lord Anydin possessed the rudiments of emotional intelligence, and therefore easily put cause and effect together.
- Ah, our fatal battle brother has realized that you're a complete asshole? Then it all makes sense. You know what? That's what you should do. He may not have a great intellect, but he's a really good person. And you used him as a means to save your own carcass.
Spitting the husks onto the golden tray, Shang Qinghua made himself comfortable, mentally thanking his husband for such comfortable furniture.
- This is where you should shut your mouth, asshole! If we were at home, in your home world, you would have already been shot for betraying your homeland and a large-scale terrorist attack that injured at least five hundred people!
Okay. One is One. They're both bastards.
There's no point in arguing any further.
- Airplane, what do I do? How do I save Liu Qinghe? There's a monster in these waters who is the true ruler of all life in these waters. It hypnotizes its victims through mermaids and then drinks their souls and spiritual powers. I can't defeat it!
Shang Qinghua rubbed his eyes tiredly. This Brother Cucumber is so tense, honestly ....
- You don't have to. Let our Goldfinger Binghe take care of this job. Anyway, Liu Shidi is looking for it, and he'll find it soon. The hunters are already moving toward the sea, and if you give them a tip, they'll come faster than an arrow.
To avoid listening to the annoying voice any further, Shang Qinghua snapped his fingers and cut the connection.
Cupping his suffering ass more comfortably, Lord An Dingdin frowned and hissed.
- Asshole ... You bite hard, you bamboo millennial. You think it's so easy to live with? Or that I really wanted to do it? Asshole. I want to see my psychiatrist. I should have made sure I had a character like that in my novel. Damn miscalculations.
***
Luo Binghe received a message that consisted entirely of painfully familiar qi. Afraid to believe anything, he immediately used Xinmo and cut a portal to the beach, ordering his squad to move towards the Azure Sea before leaving.
Stepping on the loose light-colored sand, he saw the beautiful warm sea, but he couldn't appreciate the beauty of the scenery. His heart raced so furiously that even his eyes grew dark with his pulse rate.
Through the sound of the surf, the young half-demon heard the distant cries of strange seagulls.
Luo Binghe realized that the seagulls were invisible. And therefore strange.
He thought so, until the voice of one of the birds called his name and called him a foolish apprentice, demandingly insisting he turn back.
And there it was ... An encounter he could no longer count on. His shaggy-haired teacher, who hadn't wiped away his nosebleed, was running toward him, shouting something about seawater while furiously pointing his fingers at the horizon line.
Afraid to turn around so as not to lose sight of the suddenly resurrected teacher, Luo Binghe didn't notice the forest of vile and damnably long tentacles of the master of these waters emerging from the turquoise welcoming waves.
His eyes, unblinking, looked only at one Shen Qingqiu, who had already bulged his eyes in horror at the danger and shrieked ugly with his mouth wide open, and then ran away from the beach without even looking back.
It even became kind of frustrating. And dark. Had the weather turned bad?
With his mind tight, Luo Binghe turned back to the sea and was horrified. ... Mother of Buddha ... What was the purpose of creating such a terrible ... this?
A rock made of incomprehensible rotten biomass protruded from the sea and looked at its enemy with hundreds of thousands of faces. Tentacles dotted with poisonous leeches and other sea creatures rose ominously into the sky.
Okay. That was really scary. Even Shinmo shut up in horror.
Oh ... how could he not wet himself right there? Why was the teacher trying to finish him off with all sorts of methods?
With trembling hands, the young ruler drew his frightened sword. Closing his eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths and exhaling, he clothed himself in the black aura of a heavenly demon and gathered his remaining courage, suppressing his own fear and subduing it.
And why is Liu Qingge missing unknown places right now? It would be great if such a skillful assistant were around right now. Then they would never dare to wet their pants in front of each other and the matter of eliminating the threat would go much faster.
Suddenly, a mass of mermaid bodies rushed out of the water at high speed to the shore. And then that pile jumped up and stepped onto Chengluan, swiftly disappearing from the sight of the shoreline.
What the hell was that?
Luo Binghe decided to deal with this situation immediately.
- Shishu!!!! Wait for me!!! Don't leave alone!!!!
***
Luo Binghe's residence in the southern part of the demonic realm.
There were about two dozen sweet-voiced mermaids swimming in the ornamental salt sea water pool.
The silly half-fishes are very beautiful and grateful. When Liu Qingge comes to visit them, the girls laugh iridescently, give him their precious scales, playfully beat their tails on the water, and guard his peace very carefully. If anyone enters from whom their gaegee begins to run negative, they shout in a special voice that makes their brains boil and their eyes boil in their skulls.
In fact, Liu Qingge was the only one who went to see them. The caster had become a nervous man who reacted badly to everyone, so the maid with a mop and a pool net had to clean the half-fish at night.
In general, there was a gloomy atmosphere in the whole residence.
How could it be otherwise?
Luo Binghe wants Shen Qingqiu but has to marry Liu Qingge. Shen Qingqiu wants to find an approach to reconcile with Liu Qinghe, but instead has to give sensible answers to Yue Qingyuan and the entire sect. And Liu Qingge wants nothing at all but to return to the beloved seashore with his sisters and spend bags of seashells again, but there's a horrible monster rampaging there now.
None of them are getting what they want.
What to do now?
Everyone's problems have risen with renewed vigor, there's no escape.
They have to solve them, but no one has the strength to do it.
And so a whole week passed, until finally they decided to gather in one room for constructive negotiations.
The first to come up was the issue of shizun.
Shen Qingqiu looked at the morally destroyed protagonist and didn't know what to do with him. The boy who had become a statuesque young man had feelings for him, but he couldn't reciprocate them as it wasn't mutual at all.
Now, after all these troubles, Shen Qingqiu no longer felt afraid of his once white lotus Luo Binghe and was able to voice his real opinion without lies and deceit.
Yes, the demon realm lord was defeated, but they needed this honesty.
The second question was "shidi, forgive me."
No.
Expected. Now Shen Qingqiu has been defeated. He is indeed sincerely sorry for his mistake, but there are those things in the world that are incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to forgive.
The third question was, "Luo Binghe, let's go liberate the beach from the horror of our entire lives."
Again, no.
Binghe is not an idiot to put himself under such prohibitive stress again. Let his shishu ask Yue Qingyuan if he wants to walk around with a tanned torso and smash coconuts against rocks so badly.
They're getting married, by the way. That should calm the masses and stop all that damn border warfare and gnarly messages on the white walls of Liu's family estate. In addition, the demonic realm will remain intact. One bonus, no less.
At this point, the negotiations stalled. No one was willing to give up even the smallest amount to the other.
***
It was time for the wedding.
Demons of all colors and breeds gathered in the capital of the Demon Realm to celebrate this momentous day.
There were many guests from Liu Qingge's side. Almost all the peak lords and the mother and sister. As well as the rescued mermaids. From Luo Binghe's side, there was only Shen Qingqiu, the bestial traitor Mobei, and the equally bestial traitor Shang Qinghua. All in all, all the decent and respectable people came to the celebration.
Everyone wished the newlyweds happiness. The demons yelled about "more love to the God of Love", the spellcasters from the sect wished peace in their souls and families, in a word, a formal formality.
But who can know for sure? Little did they know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad?
The End.