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He was tired- so so tired, and he really didn't know why.
Really, there was no logical reason. Nothing had happened recently to warrant such exhaustion. Everything around the castle was normal- or as 'normal' as it could get. Recently, everyone seemed to have been doing well. No severe outbursts, no breakdowns, nothing. But, despite that, Cross couldn't help but notice the way his body was slowing down. The way it was getting hard to think, to eat. It wasn't depression, he didn't think- it wasn't horrible. It just was, Cross was exhausted and he didn't really know why.
He was so pathetic, so so pathetic, and-
"Cross?"
The words of his teammate cut through his self deprecating thought process. Right, dinner. It was dinner and they were all eating. It was a coconut curry, it was good. The idea of eating felt wrong. He didn't deserve it He looked up at Killer, his eye lights refocusing on their own. He was met with a look of concern, barely noticing the others were also giving him concerned glances. He felt tired, and he felt wrong.
"You okay there, Criss-Cross? You've barely touched your food," Killer pointed out. Cross found it odd how he didn't lean into his personal space how he usually would, didn't latch onto him. Why was that?
"Yea, sorry. Uhm..." Speaking was so hard, the words felt heavy in his mouth. He wasn't horrible so, he must be okay. "Just got a little lost in thought there. What were we talking about?"
The group was giving him concerned glances. If he was in his usual state, he would've picked up on it- would've noticed the way they all looked to Nightmare, would've noticed how Nightmare seemed to be studying him. But he didn't.
"We were speaking about the upcoming mission, It's in a..."
Cross tried to listen, he really really did. But Nightmare's words slowly became muffled, distant. He focused so hard on trying to seem focused, he didn't catch what his boss told him. This wasn't right, something was wrong. Something was so so wrong and he didn't know what.
Next thing Cross knew, he was in his room. Laying on his bed, looking up at the ceiling- what time was it? When did he get there?
He searched his mind with shaky breaths. Right, dinner, they were at dinner. There's a mission tomorrow, he really didn't catch what Nightmare said...He offered to clean the dishes, he cleaned them. He took a shower, he got in bed. It felt like a barrier was placed between him and his memory- having to force himself to remember. It was odd, why was that? Was it usually that hard? Maybe it was.
The next day came before he knew it, they were going on a mission. Did he eat? He didn't deserve to, anyways. It'd be better this way. He didn't know. But what mattered now was the battle in front of him. Right, he had to keep an eye on this world's Sans- it was a new AU. He was making sure to distract them. He forced his mind to tune into reality, despite his body still feeling wrong.
"YOU!"
A loud voice called out, and just in time he registered a bone attack being thrown at him. Shit, fuck he'd been spotted. He fought against the heaviness in his bones, dodging the attack- distantly, he noticed how close the bone attack was to impaling him. A second too late, and it'd impale him- Maybe it wouldn't be too bad
Suddenly, without warning everything felt real, one of the attacks bashing into Cross' shoulder, flying him back into a tree. Suddenly he could hear shouting around him- his teammates, suddenly he could feel the sharp cold biting his lungs with every deep breath, suddenly Cross was here.
"What's that look fer, cat got yer tongue?" This world's Sans suddenly was real- an Underfell variant it seemed. He looked pissed, which wasn't unusual for a Fell. His expression made Cross' gut turn, and all of a sudden, he needed out. Before he could register it, He'd teleported away- to where, he didn't know.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, no, no, no, no, no, no-" His chest felt tight, he couldn't support his body, the cold snow dug into his knees. He was cold, so cold, how did he not realize before?
He couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe. He needed out, from what he didn't know, and it frightened him. "No, no, no, no, I..." He was begging, why was he begging, what was wrong with him?
Cross curled up into himself, wet sobs escaping his chest. He was scared, so so scared. Of what, he didn't know
But he knew he was tired