Chapter Text
Yuji Itadori was truly a ray of sunshine. Always eager to help, easy to befriend, full of energy at all times and everything else that comes with the personality of a golden retriever. Considering all of this, it was really easy to assume that he had lots of friends.
The truth, however, was that the only people he could call friends before, were the members of the occult club at his previous high school - Setsuko Sasaki and Takeshi Iguchi. Yuji had been very close with them ever since he met them at the beginning of high school.
Unfortunately, as he joined Tokyo Jujutsu High, their friendship weakened due to no longer being able to hang out on a daily basis. The fact that Itadori got a phone just when he joined his new school helped a bit in keeping in touch with his friends, but it still wasn’t enough to keep their friendship the same as it was before.
Yuji had been attending school with them for a short period of time, which meant that he didn’t get to spend a lot of time with Sasaki and Iguchi before having to change schools. It also meant that he hadn’t had a chance to do many things friends oftenly do, that were not connected with school.
Surely, they would hang out after school and go to places such as shopping malls, cafes or meet at one another's houses. But there still wasn’t enough time to do many other things Yuji would like to do with them.
And he had lots of things he wanted to do, because when he started high school, he came up with the idea to start writing them in a notebook. Said notebook quickly turned from being a space to write down ideas invented on impulse, to being a list of Yuji’s dreams that he wanted to fulfill in the near or distant future. He simply titled it “Things to do before I reach my expiration date”.
But right now, as he was sitting on his bed with his back against the wall - the notebook laying forgotten in his lap while he stared forward with his vision focused on nothing - he realized that he won’t be able to accomplish most of these goals and dreams.
As much as it hurt him to admit it, his fate had been sealed the exact moment he decided to swallow the first Sukuna’s finger.
But it didn’t mean he regretted it. No, he would never regret doing it, because that’s what made it possible to save his friends and Megumi, who hadn’t been his friend back then. If he had chosen not to swallow that damn finger, his life would probably be much easier and longer, but he would have to live with the burden of failing them.
And that’s something he couldn’t bear.
Although he knew he had done the right thing, it didn’t help the gut-wrenching feeling he got everytime he thought about the small amount of time he had left.
He had already died once, but this time it will be different. This time, even if there was a way to bring him back again, he wouldn’t do it. Because no matter what he or anyone else did, if he came back, he wouldn’t be free from the curse that messed up his life. And if he couldn’t live without it, then he wouldn’t want to continue living at all. It’s not only about him, but also about putting other people in danger.
Finally focusing his gaze, he made a move to grab the notebook. He stared at it for a while, before opening it. As soon as he did it, he was met with the sight of the first page that had some paragraphs already marked as done. These were some small, silly things such as going to an amusement park with friends or having a movie marathon together. He smiled at the thought of all the memories it brought.
He moved on to the next few pages, which were also mostly marked as done. Before opening the notebook he thought about throwing the thing away, since he considered it being useless in his current situation.
But maybe it’s not a completely lost case. It’s not like I will surely die the next day, so maybe I will be able to accomplish some of these.
With this thought he got up from his bed, noticing the setting sun through the window, and started searching for a pen. It took him a while, but when he finally managed to find it, he returned to his previous spot and opened the notebook again.
Alright, it definitely needs some corrections, but I think there will still be enough left.
And so, he started going through all pages to see which activities can be left and which ones he needs to cross out.
So far, it was going quite smoothly. He was actually surprised how many things were still achievable, even if some of them sounded really stupid.
Setting up a race in shopping carts still sounds awesome. I’m sure Gojo-sensei would happily take part in it along with Nobara. Megumi would be much harder to convince, though.
The thought of the four of them performing it in public earned a laugh out of him. It would be hilarious.
While going through a few other pages, he also didn’t find any things to cross out, which was a good sign. He stopped to think for a moment when he got to ‘have a sleepover with friends’.
He never had a sleepover. Back in the days before he met Megumi, he almost did it with his friends. Unfortunately, the day before their planned meeting, Sasaki had come down with a bad flu and had been sick for a whole week. After that none of them brought up the topic again, because they kinda forgot about it.
Damn, I wish we had done that sleepover on a different day. But maybe I will be able to arrange it with Megumi and Nobara here at the dorms.
With this thought in mind, he kept going through pages. And surprisingly he stumbled upon something that he could mark as done - ‘Buy my first phone’.
Well, it wasn’t exactly how he would imagine it, since he received it instead of buying, but it would do.
Another thing that caught his eye was 'become a hero for somebody', which he could also proudly mark as done.
And although he couldn’t accomplish the next one that said ‘become a firefighter’, being a sorcerer kinda made up for it, as he was still able to help people.
The following pages were a mix of things that he was able to do and those that he needed to exclude.
And then it seemed that his run of luck with this notebook started to fade away, as he got to the more distant plans.
The ‘Having a pet’ note was the first thing that began ruining the good mood that had been created by previous ones.
He had always dreamed of having a pet, but it had always remained at just being a dream, since his grandpa wasn’t exactly an animal person.
I’m sure that if I asked Gojo-sensei about permission to have a pet, he would allow it. But, would it be fair for the pet? I’m bound to die early so it would be cruel to create a bond with an animal just to leave it alone… I mean, not exactly alone, since somebody would probably take care of it. But still, it wouldn’t be right.
So he decided to cross it out, even if it deeply hurt him.
The next thing wasn’t much better.
It had been one of his biggest dreams to travel around the world and see lots of places, try food and meet people from different countries.
The idea always seemed distant, because to make it work, he would need a decent job to raise a good amount of money.
So sadly, it was another thing to cross out of the list.
This task was becoming more and more devastating with each page he flipped, but he was determined to do it.
He went through several more pages with eyes glassy, not daring to break.
But the lines that got him upset the most were the ones that should be obvious, but weren’t like this at all.
Maybe Yuji wasn’t a very romantic person, but he used to think about his future a lot. Despite his young age he used to imagine himself with a wife and two kids, claiming that he will be the best dad ever.
He hadn’t had a normal family himself, as he was mostly raised by his grandfather. That’s why he wanted to be a good father to his children in the future, so they remember him the same way he remembered his grandpa.
And that’s where the notes such as:
‘Find love’,
‘Teach my son how to ride a bike’,
‘Let my daughter do my hair’,
‘Show my kids how to prank people’,
‘Goof around with my kids’ came from.
I guess that’s not happening.
The thought made something in his stomach twist, and crossing all of those things out, didn’t help the building up pressure in his throat.
But despite the feeling, he decided to keep going through the notebook. He wanted to get all the corrections done today, so he won’t have to go through the same thing twice.
So he kept going, even though most of these lines were suitable only for crossing them out.
When he finished, he came to a conclusion that it wasn’t the best idea, as almost everything from the last pages got excluded. It only made him realize how many beautiful moments he would be able to experience, if not for his tragic, inevitable fate.
After he was done with the notebook, he felt totally, emotionally drained.
So when Megumi texted him asking what he wanted to eat, because Gojo was ordering food for them, the only thing he responded with was “Sorry, I’m not hungry”.
And it was the truth. Even though the last meal he had was about 8 hours ago, he didn’t feel like eating. In fact, any type of food right now would probably make the nausea that he was experiencing even worse.
He could hear some noises - probably Megumi, Nobara and Gojo - from the direction of the kitchen, but he couldn’t bring himself to go to them.
Though, it was not his usual hour to go to sleep, he wanted to do nothing else than curl up in his bed and do just that.
So without bothering to take a shower - he would do it in the morning - he changed into a black pair of shorts and a yellow T-shirt, put the notebook with pen on his desk and laid down on his bed, covering himself with a soft blanket.
Sleep came to him rather hardly, despite him being tired.
The million thoughts swirling in his head didn't help at all, as they made him struggle a lot with falling asleep, and when he turned from one side to the other for who knows which time, he let out an annoyed growl.
If more than a few tears were shed that night he wouldn’t tell anyone.