Archive of Our Own

The radio played softly as Norm’s thumbs tapped lightly against the wheel, his voice blending with the sounds of the engine as he hummed along to himself. The day had been quiet, something that Norm was still getting used to. It wasn’t the same silence as the shack, oppressive and suffocating, threatening to tear his throat out with its teeth at a moment's notice. This was a soft, kind quiet, the kind that meant that everything was okay. There was nothing to rush to, no one who was in crisis, nothing was currently on fire. He had visited Gingi and walked around the park while the cryptid ran around, babbling about this, that, and the other thing. Really, Norm rarely understood a word of it but he was more than happy to listen. It gave Gingi something to do and it was healthier for him than sleeping all day. He had stopped by the scare shack to say hello to Oliver, and he had given Karen a call to see how she was doing. Both were in good moods which was something he truly loved to see. Mingus had even been in a fairly good mood, only hissing at him once while they spoke about altering policy…and no slurs this time! He counted that as progress.

The day was winding down, the sun just barely peeking between the trees as Norm pulled his car up to the Funfair. He turned the car off and popped open the door, adjusting his hat as he stepped out onto the worn, cracked asphalt. He could see the blaring lights as they stretched into the sky, the slightly off tune music filling the air along with the scent of cheap, probably safe to eat food. He had no idea if Abel had actually taken his… politely worded suggestions about the state of the Funfair to heart, but it smelled better, that was for sure! He smiled slightly to himself as he walked towards the main gate, whistling as he made his way through the grass. A familiar face was sitting inside of the ticket booth, head in hand as he tried and failed not to doze off. Norm leaned against the window with one arm, smiling as he saw Randy. He lightly rapped on the glass with his knuckles, startling the Nokia-headed man awake.

“ GAH!! I’m sorry I’m so- oh! Hey Norm!”
Randy rubbed his screen with his hand sheepishly.
“S-Sorry, I didn’t sleep much last night…”
Norm raised an eyebrow.

“Oh? Somethin’ happen?”
He asked, his voice showing concern. Randy shook his head.

“No! I was j-just watching a bunch of top ten videos about the scariest things found in the ocean and I…uh… got scared. ”
Norm paused, a smile crossing his face.

“...We ain’t near the ocean, son.”
Randy nodded slowly.

“ ...y-yeah. I know. ”
Norm couldn’t help but chuckle as he shook his head.

“Well, that aside, I’m here t’ collect ya. I’m goin’ grocery shoppin’ n’ figured you could stand t’ come along. How’re you n’ Oliver doin’ fer food n’ the like?”
Randy stood out of his chair, stretching his back out before pushing the booth's door open. It wasn’t like anyone was going to come to the funfair on a wednesday at 7 at night, it’s not like anyone had come at ALL that day besides several very annoyed employees and an even more annoyed goose. Randy hadn't made the goose pay to get in, it looked like it was having a bad enough day as it was.

“We were planning on going shopping this weekend once Oliver and I get paid. I’ll be honest I REALLY don’t want to, given how the store is going to be flooded…”
Norm hummed as he and Randy began to walk to the car.

“Flooded, what makes ya say that?”
He asked. Randy looked up at him.

“It’s a holiday. Make Your Own Sundae day. People go NUTS for it for some reason and rush to buy ice cream, so the store is always packed! A-And then people stand in line for an hour and the ice cream just melts anyway, rendering the whole thing pointless anyway.”
Randy paused.
“I-I guess you could refreeze it but all the fat separates and it just doesn’t taste the same, plus any chocolate or cookie bits sink to the bottom and turn into a gross squishy puck, and that texture is just AWFUL…”

Norm turned the key in the ignition as he let a small breath through his nose, biting back a laugh as he watched Randy shut the door and buckle in.

“Speakin’ of, did Karen get home okay after the fireworks show last week?”
He asked. Randy nodded.

“She did! She told me to tell you ‘thanks’ for the noise canceling headphones. The fireworks show was awesome…! Not something you get to see everyday. I mean, given that it’s for a holiday so…not every day.”
Norm smiled.

“‘Course! No town is complete without a proper fourth o’ july celebration! I ain’t one t’ stand fer a blank sky on such an important holiday!”
If it wasn’t obvious, Norm REALLY liked the 4th of July. It was his favorite holiday next to Halloween, Halloween being his second favorite because he got to see whatever over the top haunt Oliver put together for the year. Christmas was tied as it was the day all of his family gathered in his tiny little house around a warm fire, laughing and making merry. Norm wouldn’t trade it for anything…though he did wish those two holidays could also involve fireworks. Oh well, maybe next year. He had blown his entire (very generously gifted by the mayor) fireworks budget in the span of an hour and a half, give or take five minutes. He even had to get Little Billy’s help in procuring some of the… less than legal ones . Hey, he was the Sheriff, he could do as he pleased! Though now he was also aware just just where Little Billy got such high impact explosives, win-win for him. He was surprised the little demon even agreed to help. He glanced over at Randy, watching as he gently rubbed the palm of his hand to ease some tension. He could see the scars littering Randy’s pale skin and he couldn’t help but frown slightly. Those hands had been through hell…and Norm really wanted to throttle whoever thought it was a good idea to give swans paper shredders for heads.

“...Ya know, when Gingi told me what ya did as a job before ya got settled int’ the one you got now, I told ‘im you should’ve been made a saint.”
Randy looked over at him, surprised.

“O-Oh?? Um, thank you…! It was just the only option I had…”
Norm hummed as he turned his eyes back to the road.

“Not many folks could survive what you did fer three years straight, Randy. I’m mighty proud of ya.”
Randy’s hands shook slightly before he stilled them, looking back out the window.

“T-Thanks, Norm. It means a lot…”
Norm smiled and nodded. Soon they pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, Randy very carefully shutting the car door so it didn’t make a noise while Norm just slammed his shut. The two headed into the store, the automatic doors sliding closed behind them with a cheerful ding. It was fairly empty inside given that it was getting late, a time that Norm MUCH preferred as there were far less people staring at him and his bag head. He dug in his pockets for the list he had written earlier that day while Randy texted Oliver to ask what they needed. He looked over at Norm, clearly wanting to ask something. Norm glanced back at him, smiling softly.

“Whatdya need, son? Ya got the look that you wanna say somethin’.”

Randy stuffed his hand into his pocket as he tried to think of the words.

“U-Um, I- uh, I wanted to cook for Oliver tonight but I don’t…know how . Last time I tried the pan caught on fire before I had even turned the heat on… somehow. ”
He said, his stutter getting a tiny bit worse than normal.
“So I was, um…wondering if you could help me…uh…p-pick out a recipe?”
Norm gave a small nod.

“‘Course! What were you thinkin’?”
He kept his voice soft, seeing that Randy was getting nervous. Randy relaxed just a bit, just enough to let his shoulders visibly slump.

“Oh um, I think I have enough money to get some eggs so…maybe an omelet? Gingi mentioned something about you making really good ones.”
Norm laughed at that.

“I’m surprised he could actually taste the one I made fer ‘im given how he practically INHALED it!”
The cowboy said, a laugh still dancing in his voice.
“Also, who said anythin’ about you payin’ fer it? I invited ya out shoppin’, didn’t I?”
Randy froze up for a moment.

“...u-um, I don’t- I can’t pay you back right now either-”
Norm held up a hand.

“I don’t recall sayin’ ya had to, kiddo. This is on me. I want ya t’ have some spendin’ money fer you n’ yer man.”
Randy was genuinely speechless, unsure of how to respond to such a genuine act of kindness. He had never legally received so many gifts in his life! It was honestly taking him a while to get used to but he was, bit by bit. Norm gently patted his shoulder before grabbing a cart and began to push it down the aisle. The two walked through the produce section as it was closest to the door, Norm whistling along to the song overhead as he stopped to look at the vegetables. Randy hurried to follow behind, startling as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He struggled with it for a moment before pulling it out, looking at the cracked screen. Oliver had texted him back. He said they needed milk, eggs, some instant ramen cups, ice cream, and anything else Randy might want for snacks. Norm heard Randy stop walking and turned, his brow furrowing as he saw how he was standing. Randy was staring at the phone, his breathing a bit faster than normal as he tried to think of how to tell Norm what they needed without sounding like he was demanding it. His hands shook as he held his phone, rethinking and rephrasing and finding the specific words that would come across the way he wanted. He was so deep in his head he didn’t notice Norm coming over to him. He let out a frightened cry as Norm put a hand on his shoulder, scrambling back as his arms came to brace in front of his face. Norm immediately understood and pulled Randy into a tight, unwavering hug.

“Hey, hey…yer okay. Yer fine. Breathe .”

He said in a quiet, even tone. Randy was frozen, his phone gripped tightly in his hand as he registered what had just happened. Norm’s hold was…soft. Gentle. Kind. When he had first met Norm, he would have never taken him for one to actually hug someone, much less go on a casual shopping trip. His shoulders slowly relaxed as he took a few deep breaths, embarrassment flooding his chest as he looked up at Norm.

“Sorry- I-I don’t know why I did that…”
He said quietly. Norm just shook his head as he patted Randy’s shoulder. He stepped back with a smile, showing that there was no harm done.

“...I take it shoppin’ with someone used t’ be upsettin’ fer you?”
He asked. Randy rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure how Norm would react, but he decided to be honest.

“Well, um…my dad was uh…h-he wanted me to grow up to be successful like my brother was. He’d constantly tell me that I was a…a burden. That I would be a financial burden on him until I got a degree and made something for myself. I…I left when I was 16. I couldn’t stand taking up space like that.”
Randy’s thumb traced over the cracks on his phone screen.
“...when I would go shopping with him, sometimes I’d ask for things like a lunchables o-or a packet of candy. He’d always get really angry. ‘ Whose money are you asking to spend, huh?? What are you going to pay me back for all the money I already spend on you?? ’ I learned real fast to stop asking…”
Randy looked at Norm, taking a deep breath. He was afraid, he was deeply afraid…but he wouldn’t heal until he tried. He had to try. He looked at his phone again, and with a trembling voice, he spoke.
“..we need, um, e-eggs, some ramen c-cups, milk, u-um…”
Deep breaths Randy, you can do this.
“A-A tub of ice cream and uh…s-stuff for snacks and l-lunch.”
He stood there, staring at Norm as he waited for a reaction. Any reaction. His mind screamed to brace himself for the shitshow that came with daring to ask anyone for anything, to actually DARE to state what he needed- no- WANTED . Norm smiled(Randy always wondered how he could tell the cowboy was smiling under the bag), nodding as he adjusted his hat. Randy also wondered how the hat stayed on the bag so easily.

“That sounds fine t’ me! Just throw anythin’ ya want fer snacks in the cart, I’ll cover it for ya!”

Randy let out the breath he was holding as he walked after Norm, tucking his phone in his pocket.

“Are you sure? I can pay you back Saturday once Abel remembers to print out my check…if he remembers. Someone stuffed a hotdog into the printer for… reasons. ”
Norm waved it off.

“Yer fine. I’m offerin’ t’ pay, that’s the end of it! Also what reasons??”
Randy just shrugged. The two made eye contact for a second before Norm turned back to the cart.

“ ...alrighty then. ”
The two made their way through the store, Randy cautiously putting things into the cart with a worried glance at Norm every single time. Norm always just smiled and nodded. As they passed by the produce section again the sound of rumbling thunder came from the overhead speakers. Norm glanced up as the misters turned on, spraying the veggies with cool water. Randy absentmindedly put his hand under the mist, liking the feeling of the water on his skin. It beaded on his fingertips and fell onto the edge of the metal shelf with small ‘plinks’. Norm leaned against the cart as he watched Randy, letting out a sigh as he couldn’t help but smile. When Gingi had knocked on his door that day he couldn’t even begin to imagine what his life would turn into. From a murder plot to shopping with a member of a strange, patchwork little family! Well you know what they say, a family that contains Bigfoot was still legally a family! Wait, wrong line, a family that contains Randy Jade is still legally considered a family? Possibly. Probably . They stood in the checkout line, Randy sending a text to Oliver that they were about to pay for everything as Norm stood next to him. Norm idly put a hand on top of Randy’s head, pausing as he remembered that the Nokia-headed man had no hair to ruffle. Randy looked over at him, the two sharing equally confused glances.

“...Um, what are you doing?”
Randy asked, his voice laced with concern. Norm let out a slight chuckle and removed his hand.

“Pardon me, kid. I keep forgettin’ ya’ll don’t have hair.”
Norm confessed. Randy laughed slightly as he shook his head.

“Nope. I always wondered what that was like…like in the old paintings I’ve seen pre Dialup. Is…is it itchy? It always looked like it’d be itchy.”
He asked. Norm shook his head as he began to put the groceries on the cashier belt.

“Nah, it ain’t itchy. You gotta wash it every other day r’ so. When I lived at the shack I’d do that down at the river. That leads me t’ a question though, how do ya wash yer heads? Can ya shower?”
Randy nodded as he helped put things on the belt.

“Yeah! We can get our heads wet, phone god knows I can given how much the swans would try to drown me. I think it’s just the internals that can’t get wet? Like if you have exposed wiring but…t-that’s already a major emergency on its own.”
Norm hummed in thought.

“...So that Theoroar fella, how does he have a mustache?”
Norm looked at Randy as he paused, clearly thinking about it for the first time. After a moment of silence Randy gave a shrug.

“...I have no idea. Maybe it’s a fake…? That’s always what I assumed…I’m going to be thinking about that for the next few days though.”
The cashier nodded to the two of them as Norm raised a hand in greeting.

“Evenin’! Is that all for you?”
Norm nodded as he gave a thumbs up, fishing for his card.

“Eyup, that’s it fer us!”
Randy cleared his throat for Norm’s attention, very cautiously placing two candy bars on the belt. Norm smiled and nodded, motioning to them.

“Those too.”
Randy let out a breath of relief as he went to the end of the checkout aisle and began to bag the food up. Norm had grabbed him and Oliver some other sweets and snack foods as well. Randy smiled to himself as he made sure to separate out whose groceries were whose. All in all, a shopping trip well had.

-

Randy’s brow furrowed as he held the egg tightly in his hand. He felt like he had almost gone through an entire carton at this point, broken eggshells discarded in the bin next to him as egg yolk stained the counter top. His hands were shaking badly and he let out a huff of frustration as he tried to get them under control. Norm leaned his elbow against the counter, watching Randy try to steady himself.

“Easy, easy. Can’t make an omelet without crackin' a few eggs- er. Well, ya know what I mean.”
Norm laughed to himself. Randy sighed and shook his head, letting his hand fall against the counter.

“It’s no use! My hands shake too bad- how am I supposed to do this?? I can’t even get the shell to crack without the yolk going everywhere!!”

He let out a deep sigh.

“First the swans take my dignity, and then my ability to crack eggs…”

Norm smiled and gently scooted the bowl closer to Randy.

“Well, start by gettin’ the yolk in the bowl. Don’t matter if it breaks, we’re just gonna beat the devil outta it anyway.”

Randy took a deep breath and steadied himself, all of his focus on the egg in his hand. He held the bowl with the other and very timidly began to tap it against the edge. Norm reached over and held the bowl for him. 

“It ain't gonna bite ya, son. You can tap a bit harder than that.” 

Randy readjusted his grip on the egg. 

“I've had eggs bite me before…or rather, the tiny, very angry swans that were in the eggs that I was trying to move so they didn't get stepped on…” 

He hesitated for a moment before tapping it a bit harder. The shell cracked and Randy startled, fumbling with it before catching it midair. Norm laughed. 

“Easy, son!”

Randy leaned against the counter as he let out a breath. 

“O-Okay, now what?”

Norm made the motion to crack an egg. 

“Press yer thumbs against the crack and open it sorta like yer openin' a bag o' chips. Sorta.” 

Randy carefully pressed his thumbs into the crack and began to pull. The egg split open and the yolk fell into the bowl. Norm patted Randy on the back as the Nokia stood there, looking genuinely surprised with himself.

“See? Ya did it just fine!”

Randy looked at the bowl, now containing a single egg, as if he had just recreated the Mona Lisa. Norm grabbed the cutting board that was behind the microwave and set it down on the counter.
“Right, now we gotta chop up some veggies. You crack another egg while I do that fer ya.”
Randy grabbed another egg from the carton as he watched Norm grab some of the vegetables they had bought.

“...you don’t think its pathetic that I don’t know how to crack an egg?”
Randy asked, his voice quiet. Norm shook his head.

“How’re you gonna know what you don’t know, son? If no one ever taught you, how would you’ve learned?”
Norm began to cut up a red onion, humming as he did. Randy looked back at the bowl, holding it as he went to start the process all over again.

“So how do you see out of the bag?”
He asked, leaning forward a bit as he tapped the egg on the rim. Norm adjusted his hat.

“I cut eye holes behind the sticky note.”
Randy paused.

“...aren’t- doesn’t the stick note cover- n-never mind.”
Randy flinched as another crack rang out, quickly regaining his composure as he opened the shell into the bowl. Norm looked over and smiled.

“See! You can do it! Just needed a little help, is all. No shame in that.”

Randy nodded as he grabbed a fork from the drawer, pushing it shut before he began to beat the eggs. Norm watched him go.
“Add a lil’ water t’ thin it out a bit. Makes it spread better in the pan.”
Randy paused before nodding, bringing the bowl to the sink to add just a touch of water. He went back to beating the mixture, occasionally glancing at Norm to see what he was doing. Norm had chopped up some red and green onion and was currently working on slicing some mushrooms. Randy smiled slightly as he stooped down to get a pan from the drawer where they kept them.

“I remember when Oliver got that cutting board. He said a customer gave it to him in a bag of haunted objects. I’m pretty sure it isn’t haunted but…I mean, nothing’s happened yet.”
Norm chuckled.

“Are ya sure that place is actually haunted? I mean, I’ve been in there quite a few times and I ain’t seen anythin’ strange…besides Gingi hangin’ around that is.”
Randy set the pan on the stove.

“Trust me, it’s EXTREMELY haunted. It’s part of why the cinema was going under…but the ghosts apparently like the fact that they have something to do now. Oliver says they like me…I-I’m assuming that's what tugs on my jacket when I try to leave.”

Norm just chuckled, shaking his head.

“Right. Turn the heat on t’ about…5.”
Randy turned the knob to 5 before opening the cupboard to grab the cooking spray. Norm scraped the chopped veggies into a bowl and set it aside.
“You know, I’d thought it’d take longer t’ get used t’ all the new fangled technology ‘round here. Always saw it as science fiction.”
He paused, chuckling at that.
“As if I ain’t somethin’ right out’ve a Jules Verne novel.”
Randy shook the cooking spray can.

“Jules Verne, that's the g-guy who wrote 20’000 Leagues Under the Sea, right?”
Norm looked genuinely surprised before a smile spread across his face.

“Right on! I take it yer familiar with his body o’ work?”
Randy sprayed down the pan as he nodded.

“I-I liked reading them. Someone threw away a box set of all of his novels and I spent a good t-two months reading through them all. I think my favorite was…u-uh- Around the World in 80 Days?”

Norm dumped the veggies into the pan, the two listening to them sizzle and pop. 

“Believe it r’ not, my favorite was ‘From the Earth t’ the Moon.’ When President Crown asked me t’ be the lead fer the space expedition I was…it was a dream come true.”
He took the wooden spoon Randy handed him and began to stir the veggies so they wouldn’t burn. Randy watched him, hugging his hands close to himself as he did.

“Have you seen the moon landing f-footage…? Or was that before you left.”
Norm gently patted Randy's shoulder as he grabbed the egg mixture.

“I saw the moon landin’ as it happened, son. Ain’t ever felt anythin’ like that since. It was more than a race fer the moon…it was about freedom. Fer all people, big n’ small. I feel very lucky t’ have seen it with my own eyes.”
He poured the egg mixture into the pan before reaching to grab a spatula. Randy couldn’t help but smile, feeling a bit more relaxed.

“...would…would you mind telling me what that was like someday? I’ve always r-really liked space…staring up at the stars from the park is some of my best memories…”
Norm nodded, stepping back so that Randy could add the cheese.

“‘Course, kiddo. I’d be right happy to.”
Randy grabbed the handle of the pan and took the spatula, nervously sliding it under the now cooked egg. He flicked his wrist to fold it, but his arm twitched at the wrong time and sent the still raw bits of egg splattering everywhere. Now covered in even MORE egg, Norm burst out laughing while Randy sighed in defeat. The omelet was fine, thankfully, and Norm helped Randy fold it properly before getting it onto a plate.
“There ya go, Randy. You did it!”
Randy stared down at the omelet, a bit starstruck.

“I-I did it? I did it- hot dog!!”

Randy’s hands shook up and down as he did a little hop, clearly very proud of himself. Norm smiled as he folded his arms, pure fatherly pride filling his chest with warmth.

“Are ya gonna need anymore help?”
Randy shook his head as he went to grab a new egg.

“N-No, I got it from here! Oliver is gonna be so proud of me-!”
Norm gave Randy a one armed hug with a small chuckle.

“I’m sure he is, pardner. I’m sure he is. Just call me if ya need anythin’, alright?”
Randy nodded, hugging Norm back briefly before going to crack the egg.

“I-I will!! Drive safe!!”
Norm tipped his hat as he headed out the apartment door, being careful to shut it softly behind him.

Later that night as he sat at his desk, filling out a form for Mingus, he got a text. He turned to his phone to see a picture that Oliver had taken of the two of them, both enjoying their dinner on the couch. It came with the text 

‘Thanks for taking care of him today, dude. Have a groovy night!’
Norm couldn’t help by smile, shaking his head as he set his phone back down. That soft, warm feeling came back as he continued to work. Who would’ve thought that he would get a life like this? A family who loved him, and four odd, but incredibly amazing, wonderful ki- I mean friends. 

Who am I kidding, they were his kids, and he wouldn’t give them up for the world.