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It's strange, being told that there's a part missing from you.
Not really a part. Many parts, more like. A whole person. Someone that apparently fits perfectly into the hole in that heart of yours. A hole that, quite frankly, you had gone quite accustomed to. Fond of, even.
Who are you without that missing piece? Who are you without the cold rotting of that muscle in your chest that used to beat, rhythmic and repetitive as the fluttering of butterfly wings?
In the early days, Etho asks himself this, over and over again.
Grian tells them all about the soulmate thing privately. He takes them aside, one by one, and explains the gimmick for the season.
You'll be paired with someone, he says. Your soulmate. The person who's made for you.
Etho tries to control the panic that immediately seizes him, he really does. He swallows it down and offers a strained smile and forces himself to look Grian in the eyes, to say Sounds good to me.
Grian goes more into detail. He talks about mechanics and code and the Universe and Those Who Watch and Etho doesn't quite understand it all but he tries to nod along.
The very idea of being paired to someone like this is terrifying.
You'd understand. If you were in the Game, you'd understand.
It could be someone you barely know. Someone you've talked to maybe twice in your entire life. And now you're told they're made for you. And you are made for them.
And it would all come with this sense of obligation. I may not know you but we're soulmates so now I guess we're bonded for life or whatever. Haha. What was your name again?
It was all terrible. And he was nervous and he didn't really want to do this and it was too late to change his mind now and, admittedly, there was this small part of him that was curious who this perfect person would be.
He almost backs out when Grian finishes explaining. He almost backs out when he sees Double Life appear on his server list. He almost backs out the second he joins the Double Life server for the first time.
But then he runs into Joel.
His world screeches to a halt. The second he sees him he already knows — of course he knows.
How could he not know from the feeling in his gut? The swarming of butterflies in his stomach? The leafy green vines wrapping around his ribcage, squeezing that broken thing he used to call his heart?
Joel is his soulmate.
He doesn't have time to think about this before Joel is grinning at him — What a lovely smile, Etho thinks somewhat nonsensically — and is grabbing his hand — Painted nails, Etho notes — and saying things very, very fast.
Etho can't quite catch all the words he says — he can just barely make out soulmates and hello and gorgeous and excited.
Etho's ears are ringing.
Joel is his soulmate.
He's still chattering on about something. Etho wants to grab his shoulders and just shake. What are you doing? How are you not freaking out? We're soulmates. Soulmates!
Every interaction he's ever had with Joel in the past plays in his mind.
He was... eccentric, that was for sure. Not someone Etho would think of as made for him. Dangerous, deadly.
But the guy in front of him doesn't look deadly, not even quite dangerous. He just looked nervous, standing in front of his (probably very annoyingly) quiet soulmate.
Etho flashes him a smile. It's probably a little wobbly. The fact that Joel's hands are shaky is what consoles him.
"Hi," Etho breathes out, speaking to his soulmate for the first time since they found out they're soulmates. "I'm Etho."
Joel blinks before snorting. He shakes his head. "I know that."
Etho's surprised to feel some of the anxiety in his chest loosening. "I was just making sure," he says defensively.
Joel is still holding his hand. Etho doesn't mind.
They talk for a while after that. About the soulmate thing, other things — Etho, what's your favourite colour? Ew. Green is much better.
Joel is the talkative type, Etho learns. Unsurprising, based off of what he'd heard about him before — Unfair of him to be so chatty and so scary, someone's voice complaining replays in his head.
Funnily enough, Etho doesn't mind the talking. He always thought of himself as a fan of the quiet. Maybe now he's just more of a fan of his soulmate.
Etho can't really explain it. The feelings he has now. It's both nothing like and exactly like what Grian said it would be.
Joel's hand slips easily into his own, just warm enough to balance out Etho's natural chill. His face fits perfectly in the crook of his neck, like Etho was always meant to hold him in his arms. And when he kisses him — oh, god, when he kisses him — it's like his entire body bluescreens. Etho starts to believe Maybe we are made for each other after all.
How could they not be? Joel knows every part of him without even having to ask. It's like- it's like magic.
Etho never really believed in fate or destiny or Heaven or Hell or any of those other things they're taught when they're kids, but for a moment when Joel kisses his eyelids and touches his face, he swears he can see the pearly white gates Above.
Joel is his soulmate. And it feels like he's seeing the world with new eyes.
He notices the little things now. He has a lot of questions. Did the sunset always look so gorgeous? Have cats always been so adorable? Did holding someone's hand in yours always feel like this? Is this what love is? No, really, is this what love is?
Etho didn't know. He'd been in love before — or, at least, he thought he had. But it had never once felt like how it did with Joel.
He couldn't keep his heart from pounding every time Joel got close, or stop his breath from catching every time he smiled at him, or his hands from shaking. It was new and it was familiar and all Etho can think is Oh, god, is this what I've been missing all my life?
Joel is unlike anyone he'd ever met before. And he'd met a lot of people in his life.
Joel bothers to learn what Etho likes and doesn't like in this game where the only possible ending is death. He shrugs his shoulders and smiles that crooked smile and says things like If we're going to die, we might as well enjoy the time we have left.
Etho's never seen someone so nonchalant be so vicious. He shoots and slashes with deadly accuracy that would be scary if he was anyone other than Joel's soulmate.
He loves it. The way people stare at him behind Joel's bloodied sword, like, You're really just going to let him do this? Etho wants to laugh and laugh and say With pleasure. Don't they know? He doesn't let Joel do anything. Joel does what he wants — Etho's just lucky enough to get to see it happen.
Joel likes to tease him and taunt him and make fun of him and oh, Etho didn't know having someone be so mean to him could be so hot.
But Joel can be sweet, too, which is completely unexpected. He brings Etho coffee in the morning because he knows he gets headaches otherwise, and he doesn't talk when he's trying to do redstone because he knows it distracts him, and he watches all the stupid, snobby films with him that Etho loves so much.
Joel is his soulmate. And Etho is his. Irrevocably, unequivocally, undeniably his. And while the idea of staying with someone for the rest of his life was terrifying, it's a little less terrifying with Joel.
Or something like that. Etho had never been a poet, and he wasn't inclined to become one now.