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Sanji exhaled a puff of smoke as he threw away his cigarette. The thigh lying across his legs was deadweight now, and Sanji could obviously recognize Zoro was already quite drunk.

The swordsman was playing absentmindedly with his own earrings—something Sanji had discovered Zoro only does when he’s had too many drinks—and wished it was him playing with those earrings, with the soft green hairs at Zoro’s nape.

But Sanji knew all of this wasn’t true. This pleasant environment in which they both tangled themselves every once in a while was really a ruse.

Something that could only happen when Zoro was intoxicated, and Sanji couldn’t help himself anymore. Couldn’t help his growing feelings for the swordsman and couldn’t act upon them.

“Whatchu thinking about?” Zoro asked suddenly.

Sanji must’ve been staring, and he realized his hand had been lightly caressing the swordsman’s leg because Zoro was now eyeing him curiously but without a sign of actual consciousness.

“That I love you and I wish I had you like this every day,” Sanji whispered, knowing Zoro would not remember any of this the next day.

But Sanji noticed Zoro suddenly tense up, and when he looked up he saw the deeper blush on the man’s face, the apprehension of what had been said.

Sanji instantly regretted it.

“Curly, I—“

“Forget I said anything,” Sanji said, gently lifting Zoro’s leg and standing up.

"No wait—“ Zoro made a move to grab him—no, something behind him—and before Sanji realized what Zoro was looking at it was too late.

The swordsman vomited before he could make it to the Sunny's window. More specifically, he puked all over himself and Sanji.

Of course, Zoro was about to vomit. He hadn’t actually heard what Sanji had said. Sanji didn’t know whether to be relieved or annoyed.

“…sorry,” Zoro muttered through heavy breaths. Sanji only sighed and took it as their cue to sleep already. He helped the swordsman change clothes, before changing his own.

“Goodnight,” Sanji said, only to realize Zoro was already deep in slumber. He lay down on his own cot, but Sanji knew better.

Sanji laid wide awake, hoping Zoro wouldn’t remember any of what he had said, and cursing himself for falling in love with someone who wouldn’t love him back.

***

Sanji woke up late the next day, with the sun rising past noon.

“Nami-san I am so sorry, I overslept!” Sanji exclaimed, putting on his apron and taking over Nami’s cooking.

“Don’t sweat it, I’ll just charge you for the breakfast I prepared,” Nami said with a wink. “And you know I can cook, right? Like, whenever you want to rest I wouldn’t mind taking over.”

Sanji shook his head. “Nami, you’re an absolute sweetheart, but I can’t have you stealing my job,” he replied with a soft smile. “I wasn’t that tired anyways, I had just been… thinking.”

Sanji’s smile faltered when he noticed Zoro walk in.

“You,” Sanji pointed his knife at the man, “could’ve woken me up, you know.”

Zoro glared at him. “Do you know how hard you kick when you’re asleep? I wasn’t risking it,” he muttered. “Nami’s cooking was far better anyway.”

Nami rolled her eyes and promptly left the kitchen to their bickering.

Sanji huffed, moving his hair out of the way as he continued to slice to  the vegetables. He ignored the fact that Zoro just continued to stand there without saying anything.

“If you have nothing else to do then leave my kitchen, Marimo,” Sanji said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything about last night?” Zoro asked. Sanji froze for a moment before composing himself.

“No.”

Zoro snatched the carrot Sanji was about to cut, forcing him to look up. Sanji only raised his eyebrow at him calmly, but deep inside he was a bundle of nerves.

“It’s not the first time you vomit when you get drunk, dumbass,” Sanji replied with a shrug. “Now give me back my carrot and get out.”

Zoro stared at him, still refusing to give him the vegetable. Sanji could lose himself in those storm-grey eyes if he didn't know any better, so he sighed and looked away, passing it off as exasperation.

“Get out,” Sanji repeated, threatening Zoro with his kitchen knife. “I’m serious. I ain’t mad and nothing from yesterday means anything. Even I was a little drunk actually.”

Zoro groaned before throwing the carrot at Sanji and leaving. Sanji let out a deep breath he didn’t know he holding in. He put down the knife and covered his face with his hands.

He screwed up. Massively. Enormously. Sanji completely fucked up whatever peaceful routine he and Zoro had going on.

Zoro definitely remembered what Sanji had foolishly said in the spur of the moment, and he suspected—no, he knew Zoro was only looking for a way to let him off gently.

Because Sanji had discovered that. Beneath all that violent mosshead, Zoro was a gentle soul, and that was one of the many reasons why he had fallen for the swordsman.

And Sanji had been happily dealing with his own feelings, with having them cooped up with nowhere to let them go, so long as Zoro remained next to him, oblivious, but at his side.

Zoro was most definitely not going to stop trying to talk with him given how stubborn he was, so Sanji decided he just needed to take some steps back.

Go back to those months when their “relationship” consisted of arguing and ignoring each other.

It would be better that way of course. Zoro deserved someone better than Sanji anyway. Sanji just needed to let him go, as difficult as it would be.

Thankfully, distraction arrived in the form of a rubber boy who immediately wrapped himself around Sanji.

“Sanji!” Luffy exclaimed loudly in his ear. “I thought I was done for at breakfast!”

Sanji chuckled. “And why was that?”

“Nami didn’t let me have any meat,” Luffy whined with a pout.

“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” Sanji replied. Luffy shook his head earnestly. “Don’t worry, I’ll prepare two plates just for you.”

Sanji didn’t mind having extra food to cook, and he especially would never say no to feeding Luffy anyway. This time, he was just thankful for the distraction too.

***

That night, Sanji went to sleep early. He finished making dinner, cleaned his kitchen as fast as possible, and was already laying in his chambers before Zoro could even search for him in the kitchen.

Sanji took a deep breath and closed his eyes, forcing himself to sleep. He tossed and turned, counted sheep, whatever someone tried whenever they wanted to sleep, but it was impossible.

It was way too early for his usual sleeping schedule, and it just didn’t feel right not spending his usual nights with Zoro. He forced those thoughts away before they woke his anxious mind even more.

Just as Sanji was feeling that peaceful slumber start to take him in, the door suddenly flew open. It took everything in Sanji not to flinch and he pretended being asleep.

“What are you doing?” Zoro asked. Sanji could feel the swordsman’s presence as clear as day, standing next to him. He’d have to be dead not to recognize Zoro.

“I know you’re not asleep, Curly.”

“Well, I’m not now,” Sanji muttered, opening his eyes to glare at Zoro. “What do you want, Marimo?”

Zoro opened his mouth to talk but seemed to think better of it. “I’ve been waiting for you in the kitchen so I can have my sake,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m tired, didn’t you see I didn’t wake up to cook breakfast?” Sanji replied. “You always take the sake yourself anyways, or are you lost and can’t find the kitchen?”

Zoro rolled his eyes. "It's been months since I've taken anything from your kitchen without your permission."

Sanji thought about it, but it was true. It had been a while since he chastised Zoro for taking anything without telling him.

“Why?”

“Because I respect your boundaries.” Zoro shrugged nonchalantly. “You don’t like people messing with your kitchen, so I don’t.”

Sighing, Sanji stood up from his bed. He walked in front of Zoro so the man couldn’t see his blush. He hadn't been aware Zoro actually did that, and knowing it made Sanji’s stomach twirl.

“Here,” Sanji said, placing the sake and a cup on the table. “Drink yourself to death.”

“Drink with me,” Zoro said, grabbing Sanji’s wrist. His calloused hand gently held him, and Sanji kept himself from intertwining their fingers together. “Please.”

Sanji nodded. After all, it was difficult for him to deny Zoro in any way. “Just one drink,” he said. “I really am tired, okay?”

Sanji drank once and, as promised, Zoro let him go. Sanji now lay wide awake in his cot, hating himself for giving in to Zoro’s wishes so easily.

But how couldn’t he after everything Zoro said and did? Sanji was so far gone that Zoro could ask him for a year’s worth of sake and he would lay it out for him in a second, even if it left him poor forever.

That was why Sanji had to let his feelings go. As much as he loved Zoro, he couldn’t get himself hung up in a one-sided love like this.

So starting tomorrow, Sanji decided he would try to let Zoro go.

He closed his eyes once again, but as tired as he was, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep.

Sanji didn’t want tomorrow to come around, not with what it meant.

***

Sanji didn’t sleep well again, but at least this time he didn’t miss breakfast. Keeping out of Zoro’s way was proving more difficult than he could imagine.

Then again they were aboard a ship, and it was obvious there weren’t many places to go.

Thankfully, Zoro was lost to his training session today, and Sanji tried to busy himself with his kitchen. Night came, and once again Sanji was going to get himself in bed before Zoro appeared.

Of course, he bumped into the man himself when leaving.

“Watch it, Curly,” Zoro said as he helped Sanji steady himself. “We don’t want you falling for me now, do we?”

Sanji looked anywhere but Zoro’s face, and he couldn’t stop his body from tingling where Zoro touched him. His skin burned, buzzing even after he took his hands away.

“Sorry,” Sanji muttered, already moving out of the way. “You can help yourself to anything in the kitchen, no need to ask.”

Before Zoro could say anything else Sanji left. Once he was alone in their chambers, he took a deep breath. He could still feel the ghost of Zoro’s fingers splayed around his waist.

Groaning, he threw himself into his cot, not even bothering to change his clothes. He lay there, tired but unable to sleep.

Sanji didn’t know how much time had passed when he heard the door open quietly. Heavy footsteps slowly walked toward him, and he tried to even his breathing as best as possible. He was not going to play into Zoro’s hand again.

After a few seconds, Zoro walked towards his own bed and lay down. Sanji opened his eyes slightly and observed Zoro. He couldn’t see his face from his position, but it was obvious the man wasn’t sleeping.

Sanji kept his temper in check. Was Zoro really not going to let him rest? He took a quiet breath and decided not to pay it any mind.

It was hard, and it wasn’t until a long while later that Sanji found himself calming down. He turned slightly, staring with bleary eyes at the swordsman’s back until his body gave in to sleep.

***

Sanji woke up feeling much better. Not as refreshed as a good night’s sleep with the previous bad nights weighing on him. Still, it was something.

Zoro’s presence had helped him, and Sanji loathed it. He hated the fact that his mind decided something, and his heart would then ignore it completely.

Sanji resolved to continue his previous plan of letting his feelings for Zoro go away.

He occupied himself with cleaning the kitchen, helping Usopp try new gadgets, fishing with Luffy—and saving him from drowning again—organizing Robin’s bookshelf for her and anything else that came around and let Sanji forget about Zoro.

Nighttime came around fast enough, and Sanji felt utterly tired. He took a quick, warm bath and readied himself, sure that he would fall asleep instantly.

He did not.

Sanji could cry his eyes out right now. It wasn’t even about his one-sided feelings anymore; he was simply exhausted and needed the sleep.

Of course, Zoro appeared once again. He seemed to ignore Sanji this time, even if it was obvious he was awake.

Sanji stared absentmindedly at Zoro once he had laid down but sleep didn’t come to him like yesterday. Sighing, Sanji covered himself with his blanket, blocking out the swordsman completely.

“Goodnight, Curly,” he heard Zoro say softly.

Sanji pursed his lips and closed his eyes.

Goodnight, my swordsman, he thought.

***

Sanji found himself cooking. He frowned, unsure of what recipe he was following and became even more weirded out when he realized he was back at the Merry.

Robin was reading her book at the table while Chopper and Nami chastised Luffy about something he couldn’t quite hear. Usopp was to the side, talking to Zoro, but Zoro didn’t seem to be listening.

Zoro was lazily leaning on his fist, observing Sanji work. He gave Sanji a soft smile when he noticed him looking.

Sanji blushed and faced away. Zoro stood up, much to Usopp’s dismay, and walked to Sanji’s side.

“Thanks for always cooking our food,” Zoro said, gently stroking Sanji’s hair behind his ear. “In case no one had told you today.”

Sanji’s hand faltered where he was chopping an onion, and he quietly cursed.

What was happening?

Sanji looked up at Zoro’s eyes, searching for the answer. He could only find adoration in Zoro’s stare, and it was heartwarming. Like coming back home.

Everything Sanji wished for.

Except they were on the Merry, the rest of their crew was missing, and Zoro had no scar on his eye.

This was not his Zoro.

Sanji took Zoro’s face in his hands, his thumb gently feeling at the skin that would become scarred. Everything was starting to blur, and Sanji felt the tears in his eyes.

“I love you,” Sanji whispered.

Zoro took one of Sanji’s hands in his own.

“I love you too.”

Sanji gasped softly as he woke up, tears already streaming down his face, and he wished he could stay forever in that dream, where Zoro loved him and nothing else mattered.

It had been too good to be true.

***

Sanji officially felt like shit. His body was on the edge of giving up from fatigue, and his heart was tearing itself apart in his chest.

It was worse. It was so much worse after that dream, and Sanji found himself keeping the tears at bay whenever he remembered it. He was heartbroken and didn’t know how to fix it anymore.

He wished he could go back to the time when his feelings for Zoro were of hatred. Love had always been complicated in Sanji’s life, and he was pushing himself toward the cliff’s edge right now.

Sanji hissed as his razor cut his cheek and cursed. He washed his face once he was done and could only stare in the mirror.

He had heavy, dark circles under his eyes, his hair was disheveled, and he hadn’t even taken a bath today. Shaving his stubble had taken all his energy already.

Whatever.

Thankfully, he didn’t have any chores today, so Sanji only cooked and locked himself in his chamber.

Sanjj was miserable but at least it was his own problem, and he wasn’t bothering anyone with it.

The day was painstakingly long, and Sanji didn’t know whether to be grateful when night came around. Zoro had come to check on him multiple times, but Sanji ignored him.

Now, he thought about his dream and something in his chest hurt. It was crushing him, a strong, vise grip pressing on his lungs, and Sanji couldn’t breathe.

He recognized the panic attack for what it was. Trying to normalize his breathing, Sanji walked to the nearest window and opened it.

The smell of seawater brought him to his senses, and Sanji used the strong air coming in until he was breathing normally again. He closed the window again before water came in.

So, no sleeping for him tonight either.

Sanji left his room, only to be greeted at the door by a sleeping swordsman on the floor. He had been locked up in his room for quite some time now, so how long had he been there, waiting for Sanji?

Taking a deep breath before he lost control of himself again, Sanji carefully walked around Zoro, going upstairs until he was outside.

The gentle sea breeze helped him sober up. He noticed Luffy was resting on his usual spot on the Sunny’s figurehead while Jinbe was at the helm, making sure their ship didn’t veer off course.

“Hey, Jinbe,” Sanji said, coming to stand next to the fishman.

“Goodnight, Sanji-kun,” Jinbe answered. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“That obvious?” Sanji chuckled, looking away. “I was just wondering if you would mind changing night shifts with me.”

Jinbe stared at him, lingering on his tired eyes. “You sure?” he asked. “I don’t mind, but you do seem tired.”

“Yeah, can’t sleep, remember?” Sanji replied. Jinbe nodded before giving him instructions about their current course.

Sanji let out a breath once he was alone. It was a cold night and he took out a cigarette as he gazed up at the stars. The waters were calm and the wind was slowly guiding them onto the next island.

He was starting to feel calmer at last, letting himself go of everything that was weighing him down if at least for a while.

Footsteps sounded behind him, and Sanji stayed in place, thinking it was Jinbe again.

“What are you doing?”

Sanji’s body tensed up. He had hoped the swordsman would continue to sleep through the night where he had left him, but it hadn’t been the case.

“I changed shifts with boss Jinbe,” Sanji replied shortly.

“So you’re not going to have your shift with me?” Zoro continued, sounding accusatory. Sanji knew without looking that he was crossing his arms.

Sanji didn’t answer.

“So you’re never going to have your shift with me again either?”

Sanji rolled his eyes, trying to keep his frustration in place. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“You could’ve spent the night with me then, instead of locking yourself in our room.”

Our room.

A little push, and Sanji would completely lose it.

“I needed some time alone,” Sanji replied quietly. He didn’t get an answer from Zoro, only heard some shuffling. When he looked back, he saw the man sitting on the floor against the rail.

The moon glistened on his skin, giving him an ethereal glow, and Sanji could only think Zoro had never looked more beautiful. He looked away.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Zoro crossed his arms before glaring at Sanji and closing his eye. “Imma sleep,” he said.

“Right here?” Sanji asked. This man was unbelievable. Sometimes, Sanji even asked himself how he could fall in love with such a knucklehead.

“Yes, I can choose exactly where to sleep,” Zoro replied. “Now shush. G’night.”

The fucking audacity. Sanji rolled his eyes. Why did Zoro have to be so difficult to deal with?

Sanji only wanted to be left alone.

He was about to yell at Zoro when he noticed the man was already sound asleep. Sanji sighed angrily, turning his back to the swordsman and ignoring him completely.

***

For the next few days, Sanji kept the same routine. He spent all his time in the kitchen. If he wasn’t cooking, then he was obsessively cleaning. If he wasn’t cleaning, he was having what little sleep he could by leaning on the table. He ended up with back pain, but it was the only rest he could get.

Sanji also continued taking Jinbe’s night shifts, which left him even more tired. The poor rest he was getting was already starting to gnaw at him. He found himself getting easily distracted, his body always felt fatigued, and he was way more irritable.

Sanji picked on a band-aid on his finger from where he cut himself—just came to show how worned out he actually was—as he walked outside to take the night shift.

He rolled his eyes when he saw Zoro already sitting down on the floor near the helm. Sanji had been successfully avoiding Zoro, and Zoro had been successfully annoying Sanji by following him to his shift.

Sanji could feel Zoro’s stare as he walked to his position but didn’t give him the satisfaction of giving him attention.

They remained in silence, and Sanji hated how it wasn’t awkward at all, despite everything that had happened. Instead, it was soothing, and Sanji found himself nodding off.

“Hey, Curly…” Zoro started, startling Sanji. “You’re falling asleep. Why don’t you go rest, and I take over your shift?”

“I’m fine,” Sanji muttered, straightening up and lighting a cigarette. Zoro stood up and came to stand next to him.

“I’m serious,” Zoro continued. Sanji ignored him, hoping he would take the clue and leave him alone.

“Stop pushing me away,” Zoro whispered. Sanji closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he did something he would regret.

“I am not.”

“Like hell you aren’t,” Zoro exclaimed. “Ever since that night, you’ve been acting weird.”

Sanji groaned. This was exactly what he had wanted to avoid. “I’ve just been extremely tired lately. I’m sorry, okay?”

“It’s not only that.” Zoro continued to stare at him, and Sanji could feel it burning against his own skin. “It’s not just that and you know it, but you’re so scared of affronting anything in your life only because it might hurt. Well, I’m tired of playing along, Sanji; good luck pushing everyone else away.”

Zoro was gone before Sanji could say anything. Not that he knew what to say. He didn’t know anything these days; he only knew that he had fucked up and didn’t know how to fix it anymore.

Sanji took a deep breath and quickly cleaned his face when he noticed Luffy’s hand stretching towards him.

Luffy came bouncing and took a seat on the rail in front of the helm.

“Hey!” Luffy said loudly. “Mind if I sit with you? It can get lonely on nightshifts.”

Sanji only nodded, his own voice failing him. He was grateful for the calming presence Luffy brought with him, even if it only lasted five minutes before he got bored.

After that night, Zoro didn’t come to accompany Sanji and made it very clear to steer out of the cook’s way.

Sanji should’ve been relieved. It was what he had wanted all this time, to get some space from Zoro.

But he couldn’t bear the pain of his whole world crumbling down around him.

***

Sanji had given up on most things by now. Almost two weeks had gone by since that one night with Zoro; he had continued to do the night shifts and the swordsman had continued to ignore him.

He was exhausted, barely getting any sleep, and he knew the crew was worried about him. Sanji couldn’t stand having all those stares on him, so he resorted to keeping even more to himself.

Of course, he still cooked, and of course, he ate with the rest of the crew, but lately, Sanji didn’t even feel like himself anymore. It was driving him mad.

He was sure it would pass. Only a few more days, and he would be back to normal. His feelings for Zoro were starting to disappear. At least that was what Sanji told himself.

Sanji shook his head and came out of it when he heard a commotion outside the Sunny. He walked out, ignoring his headache and how fucking bright the sun was.

Someone was attacking them. The ship came out of nowhere, invisible thanks to the power of a devil fruit user. Everyone was already fighting, working on taking hooks off their ship as more pirates started to come aboard.

Sanji fought alongside Robin, but he could feel his body ready to give out. He cursed as his breaths became labored, and his attacks started to lose strength.

The other pirates’ numbers started to dwindle, and Sanji only needed to hold out a little longer. He sank to his knee and wiped the sweat from his face as he stood up once again.

“Sanji look out!” Robin exclaimed. Sanji was about to move out of the way when he felt a knife stab his lower back. Everything around him went silent as his ears started ringing loudly and his heart pounded on his skin.

His legs gave out underneath him and someone—was it Robin?—kept Sanji from hitting the floor. His mind went fuzzy and lightheaded, and his body started to shiver from the cold as he lost blood.

Sanji opened his eyes again and noticed Chopper saying something, but he couldn’t make it out. He tried to focus on something, anything, as strong hands picked him up.

He let out an agonizing scream when it moved the knife still inside him, and everything came into focus for a hot, sharp second.

Zoro’s face came into view as he carried him someplace. Sanji closed his eyes, trying to feel the swordsman’s body heat, but his own body was freezing.

“Don’t leave me, Sanji,” Zoro whispered, fear tinging his words. Sanji opened his eyes one last time as he started to lose consciousness.

He observed Zoro’s face, and the last thing Sanji felt at that moment was immense regret.

Then everything went black.

***

Sanji didn’t know how much time was passing by. He was randomly waking up, feeling his entire lower back and side burning up before he blacked out again.

Sometimes, he could barely make up the noises in the room, his body still in pain but starting to subside, but as much as he tried he couldn’t wake up entirely.

The only thing Sanji wanted was to let them know he was fine.

***

The first time Sanji started to wake up, Usopp was with him. Sanji couldn’t properly focus his eyesight, and his throat was too dry to let him speak.

He tried moving his fingers and after repeating it managed to do so. Luckily, it was enough to get Usopp’s attention.

Usopp stood up and left the room, and Sanji closed his eyes again. He felt completely numb, his body lying slightly on its side and completely dead weight.

Sanji heard Chopper walk in and tiredly opened his eyes. He just wanted to continue resting.

“Hey Sanji,” Chopper started. “I’m glad you’re starting to wake up, but you still need to rest some more. Your body’s weak and dehydrated, so I’ll inject something that will help you recover, okay?”

Chopper didn’t wait for Sanji’s answer before inserting something into the needle in his hand.

It was cold underneath his skin, and for a moment Sanji was scared, remembering the feeling after he got stabbed.

It quickly passed as he became drowsier, and soon enough Sanji gave himself to unconsciousness once again.

***

The next time Sanji woke up it hurt. It hurt so badly that he thought he would break apart if he moved. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move, it hurt to just be.

Sanji tried to focus on something else. His whole lower abdomen seemed to be bandaged completely, and he was still propped on his side with the help of multiple pillows.

Moving came easier to him this time, although still sluggishly. Sanji opened his eyes and focused on the person sitting next to him.

Sanji groaned softly when he noticed it was Zoro. It was enough to get the man’s attention.

“Sanji…” he started, coming to stand next to him. “Do you need something? Should I call Chopper?”

Sanji barely shook his head and motioned to the water on the table. Zoro immediately understood and helped Sanji drink water with a straw.

“Why are you here?” Sanji croaked. He didn’t want this. The last person he needed right now was Zoro. “I just wanna be alone.”

“Sanji, I just—“

“Didn’t you listen?” Sanji interrupted. “I don’t wanna be with you right now!”

Without realizing, Sanji had tried to rise from the bed. Combined with raising his voice caused something to snap in his body.

He winced in pain and held his side. His hand came back red with blood. Sanji was crying, and he didn’t care who saw him anymore.

Chopper barged in, probably having heard his outbreak.

“I just wanna be alone,” Sanji whispered. He repeated it softly, like a mantra, as he tried to ignore the pain. Sanji opened his eyes again and glared at Zoro who hadn't left yet.

“Zoro, please leave,” Chopper asked softly. Zoro stared at him before nodding slightly. He stopped before the door and turned to Sanji again.

“I was just doing my fucking shift,” he said. “I’m sorry if I did anything wrong.”

With that, Zoro left, and before Sanji could even wallow in everything that just happened he found himself falling asleep once again.

***

This time, Sanji didn’t feel much pain when he woke up, only a strange numbness. He let out a soft sigh of relief.

“Sanji-kun?”

Sanji opened his eyes and saw Nami sitting down next to him. She had taken his hand in hers and was holding a small map with the other.

“Hello, Nami dear,” Sanji said quietly. His throat was still hoarse, and with Nami’s help, he drank some water to help alleviate it.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Nami sighed and cleaned her face from tears. “Does anything hurt? Do you want me to call Chopper?”

Sanji shook his head. He observed her carefully and thought of Zoro, grateful it was her this time.

“He’s been worried, you know?” Nami spoke as if reading his mind. Sanji looked away.

“I don’t care.”

He gently moved his hand away from Nami’s and instead covered his face with his arm.

“Zoro didn’t—“

“I don’t wanna talk about him,” Sanji said, louder than he should talk to Nami. “Sorry,” he added. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice to you.”

Nami remained silent for a while until Sanji heard her put her map away.

“Sanji… you can’t push Zoro away just because you’re scared, honey,” Nami explained gently. “I know you love him, but you won’t know how he feels if you don’t give him a chance.”

Sanji let out a shuddering breath, still covering his face. He really didn’t want to talk about this.

“He won’t love me back,” Sanji whispered. “If I can choose between the pain of not being loved and the pain of letting him go… I prefer the latter.”

“What about us Sanji? Do you think we do not love you? Do you think Zeff didn’t love you? We all do, and you’ve got to see that. You won’t ever get over this fear of rejection if you don’t try,” Nami continued softly, taking his hand and uncovering his face. His eyes had watered, and he tried to keep his tears at bay, looking away.

Nami sighed. “It’s understandable to be afraid, but you can’t let it ruin your life like this. Stop pushing Zoro away, okay? Let him figure out how he feels about you, and if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings? Well, that’s his loose, Sanji, because you’re a great, gentle, and sweet guy who deserves to be loved to the fullest.”

Sanji couldn’t stop the painful sob that left his body. Everything hurt. Not only his stab but the wound in his heart. He took a deep breath, trying to control himself.

Everything Nami had said was right on point, and it scared him. He was so terrified of people’s feelings for him, of never being loved, that he pushed everything away, believing he didn’t deserve it either.

Sanji was so sick and tired of it. He didn’t want to end up alone, and he was done pushing everyone away. He needed to change, and he was never going to be able to if he didn’t start by loving himself and letting himself be loved.

At that moment, Sanji made a promise to himself.

“I’ll talk to Zoro,” Sanji said quietly. “Not yet… but I will.”

“That’s good,” Nami answered with a smile. She tenderly pressed his hand slightly before letting it rest. “Do you feel alright? Want me to call Chopper?”

Sanji shook his head. “It’s fine, just—would you stay with me for a while?”

“Of course,” Nami said. “Anything you wanna know?”

“What happened after I passed out?” Sanji asked.

Nami hummed, thinking about it. “It was practically over. Luffy went berserk on the remaining foes, and we had to stop him from chasing them,” she explained. “Now that I mention him, we also had to ban Luffy from using the Den Den Mushi since he wanted to call Law, and Doctor Kureha and Crocus to come help you.”

“Yeah, that does sound like him,” Sanji mumbled. His eyelids were heavy. Soon enough he would be falling asleep again.

“Thankfully, Chopper said he could deal with it,” Nami continued. She started caressing his hair, and Sanji closed his eyes as he leaned into the touch. “You were lucky it didn’t pierce any organs.”

“I’m sorry I worried you all,” Sanji whispered. “I’m sorry I left all the cooking to you.”

Nami chuckled. “You got a knife to your back, and you’re worried about me having to cook,” she said with a soft smile. “You’re too sweet, Sanji.”

Sanji gave her a small smile. Nami continued talking to him, and Sanji let her gentle voice lull him to sleep. It was the most peaceful he had felt in the last couple of days.

“Goodnight, Sanji-kun.”

***

This time when Sanji opened his eyes again, his gaze landed on the man next to him. Zoro had his arms on the edge of the bed, and his head was lying over them as he slept just shy of Sanji’s hand.

Sanji could lean just a bit and caress the green hairs on Zoro’s forehead, ruffling them until he woke up.

He sighed and stayed like that, observing the swordsman sleep. Zoro looked peaceful like this, with his usual frown gone and his features relaxed.

The moonlight shining on him through the window made Zoro look gorgeous.

Zoro stirred then, taking in a deep, soft breath as he woke up. He stared dazedly at Sanji until he realized he was awake too. Zoro sat up immediately.

“I’ll leave and call for Chopper,” Zoro said nervously. “I was just, uh, taking on Brook’s turn.”

Sanji quickly took the swordsman’s wrist before he walked out of his reach. He was never pushing Zoro away again.

“Please stay,” Sanji said softly, staring directly at Zoro to let him know he meant it. Zoro let out a sigh of relief and sat back down, closer to Sanji.

“Are you sure?” Zoro asked nervously, and Sanji realized it was the first time he saw him nervous. It was endearing.

“Yes,” Sanji replied. He took a breath. “Look, Zoro, I… have been an asshole lately. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I had been trying to get away from you. I have some stuff I need to deal with myself, and I’ve been scared, and I hurt you in the process. You don’t deserve that.

“I know we need to talk, and I am being selfish here, but can you please give me time until I recover from everything?”

“Of course, Curly,” Zoro whispered softly. “As long as you never push me away again, I’ll wait.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Sanji answered. He took Zoro’s hand and gave a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry for everything. I really am.”

Zoro nodded but looked away. “Just let me say one thing,” he said quietly. “Don’t you ever go into a fight like that again. You scared us, Sanji. There was blood everywhere, and it took you almost three days before you regained consciousness. You can rely on us, on me, before you go out there and sacrifice yourself.”

Sanji stared unbelievably at Zoro, feeling the tears prick in his eyes. He wasn’t used to this. He wasn’t used to being worth something or people caring for him. It made his heart ache.

“I’m sorry,” Sanji said as he cried and tried to wipe the tears away.

“Hey, but don’t cry now,” Zoro said, handing Sanji a cloth to clean his face. “I know how to deal with you in a fight, not when you’re crying.”

Sanji chuckled and wiped away his tears before throwing the cloth back at Zoro.

“Was it really three days?” Sanji asked when he had calmed down.

Zoro nodded. “Luffy was livid and wanted to burn their ship with everyone in it,” he replied, sounding horrified. “Ended up sending them on a too-small lifeboat.”

“Luffy scares me sometimes,” Sanji said. Zoro only nodded absentmindedly. It became quiet between them, but not their usual comfortable quiet.

Sanji sighed. He gingerly touched the area of the stab and barely felt any pain at the moment.

“Want me to call Chopper?” Zoro asked. Sanji shook his head.

“No, doesn’t hurt right now.”

Sanji observed Zoro quietly, thinking about their usual hangouts and how he truly missed them. He also thought about how he screwed up everything. Sanji could be gone right now, and he would’ve left Zoro alone.

“What are you thinking?” Zoro asked softly.

“When I got stabbed,” Sanji started. “All I could feel was the pain and the coldness of my body, but… after you picked me up, all I could feel was regret, because if I didn’t make it, there was so much I wasn’t going to be able to see. Not because I want to see my dream come true, but because I want to see yours.”

Sanji noticed Zoro’s eye become watery, but he held in the tears.

“I’ll make sure you get there,” Zoro said, like a declaration. “Not only for mine, but for everyone’s dream. That’s my promise.”

Sanji smiled. “To think sometime before we only knew how to fight.”

“Yeah, now we have nights like this to hang out,” Zoro replied.

“Only missing the booze and some cigarettes,” Sanji said. His finger twitched involuntarily at the idea. “I want a cigarette,” he whined.

“Actually…” Zoro took something from his pants and handed it to Sanji. It was his cigarette box and lighter. “I sneaked them in last time but couldn’t give them to you. Don’t tell Chopper though, he’ll kill me.”

Zoro picked something else from the floor and showed it to Sanji. Of course, he had also brought his drink.

“Were you planning on getting drunk while I slept?”

“Of course,” Zoro answered without remorse.

Sanji laughed and although his wound hurt, he didn’t mind it. He sighed happily as he let out the smoke and once again fell into their easy banter with Zoro.

He had missed this.

***

The next day, Sanji woke up to Chopper attempting to strangle Zoro with his little hooves.

“I told you not to let him smoke!”

“I didn’t,” Zoro muttered, looking away.

“Liar! It stinks of cigarettes,” Chopper continued.

“I opened the window though,” Zoro said without thinking.

“So you did let him smoke,” Chopper smacked Zoro’s head, “and it’s closed, you bastard!”

Chopper seemed ready to use a rumble ball when Zoro didn’t listen to him, so Sanji intervened.

“Sanji!” Chopper exclaimed, jumping from Zoro to come and examine him.

Apparently, the rest Sanji had while unconscious helped the wound heal faster. Chopper said he still needed the stitches and couldn’t stand up for too long, but other than taking some pain medication he was good to go.

Chopper finished putting on Sanji’s bandages before he gingerly stood up. He hissed as the pressure of standing pressed on the wound.

Zoro was quickly at his side supporting him, making Sanji pout.

“I can surely walk a bit on my own,” he muttered. He took a step, and his side flared up in pain. If it hadn’t been for Zoro he would’ve fallen to the floor.

“Sure, Curly,” Zoro said through a chuckle.

Sanji reluctantly put his arm around Zoro’s shoulders, and Zoro held his weight up with a hand on his waist. Sanji purposely ignored the warmth on his skin.

Chopper opened the door for them, and they stepped outside together. It was early, but the sun was already shining strongly.

Sanji basked in its rays and took a breath of the sea breeze before smiling to himself.

“Oi, Sanji!” Luffy exclaimed, making the few people outside turn to face them. Luffy suddenly extended his hand to grab onto something and launched towards him.

Zoro was already moving in front of Sanji when Chopper jumped before him, colliding in midair with Luffy.

“Sanji’s still injured, Luffy!” Nami said, hitting him on the head.

“Sorry,” Luffy said with a pout.

Sanji chuckled and extended a hand to help his captain stand. “Wanna eat something?”

Luffy picked up his hat before taking Sanji’s hand. He stared at Sanji, then Zoro at his side protectively, and back at Sanji again before smiling. “We’re doing a feast!” he exclaimed, putting his hat on Sanji’s head. “Shishishi… good to have you back.”

Sanji smiled. It was good to be back.

***

After Sanji was left out of the med room, things started going back to normal. He started cooking again, although he had to do it sitting down and Nami insisted on helping him.

Every day his wound hurt less and with the rest he was getting now, Sanji was starting to feel like himself again.

Zoro also took care of him, making sure he didn’t overdo anything, and that Sanji could smoke without Chopper finding out.

They began spending their nights together again. Sanji hadn’t realized until now how badly he had missed spending time with Zoro and felt like an idiot for even trying to distance himself from the swordsman.

Sanji was happy with how his life was going, but there was one tiny, little detail still bothering him.

Zoro and he still hadn’t properly talked about everything that happened. It gnawed at the back of Sanji’s mind, and he knew it was time to have that conversation.

Sanji stared at himself in the mirror as he prepared to clean the wound. His skin was still tender but there was barely any pain. Chopper had said he would take his stitches off tomorrow and then it would be just one more scar.

As if sensing his previous train of thought, Zoro appeared at the door.

“Hey,” Zoro said as he walked in.

“Hi,” Sanji replied. “I’m just cleaning the wound, gimme a sec.”

Zoro walked over to Sanji and took the cloth from his hands. “Let me help you.”

Sanji was hesitant at first but nodded. “Be careful,” he said, as Zoro took a seat behind him.

“Of course.”

Zoro’s hands gently caressed his skin with the clean towel, careful not to apply too much pressure. His right hand was holding Sanji’s waist; his thumb resting on the small of his back.

It felt intimate, and Sanji had to keep in a shudder at the contrast between the cold water and his blazing skin.

Zoro bandaged him up again, and just when Sanji thought he was done, he felt Zoro’s breath against his back before pressing his lips slightly in a barely there kiss.

What?

“The day you got hurt I was so scared,” Zoro began softly. “I thought you would leave me, and I had lost my chance to tell you something very important.”

Sanji remained quiet. He didn’t know what to say.

“I love you, Sanji.”

Those fated three words Zoro just said were everything Sanji had ever wished for, and he had been foolish enough to push the man away without giving him any chance of saying them.

“I don’t deserve you,” Sanji whispered.

Zoro carefully tried to turn him around, and Sanji let him. He stared down at his own hands, unable to look at Zoro’s face.

“Sanji… I love you,” Zoro repeated. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Sanji’s heart skipped a beat as Zoro took his face in his hands tenderly. “I love you,” he continued. “I’ll love you until you understand you’ve always been worthy of it. I’ll love you until you get tired of me, and I’ll love you until my dying breath.”

Sanji’s breath hitched as Zoro brushed his hair away and stared at both of his eyes. He gave him a light kiss on the forehead.

“I love you,” Zoro said one last time, and Sanji couldn’t stop the tears that came flowing at how much love Zoro was giving him. He cursed himself for being such an idiot and trying to get rid of his own feelings.

And Sanji cried, because despite everything that had happened, Zoro was still here in front of him, and Sanji was damn near tired of believing he was incapable of being loved.

“I love you too,” Sanji whispered before throwing his arms around Zoro in a hug. He held the swordsman’s face and caressed his scar, the soft hairs at his forehead like he had longed to do before.

Sanji leaned in and kissed Zoro. It was soft and sweet and quick, and they both quickly kissed again. Their lips chased each other hot and passionately until they were out of breath.

Sighing happily, Sanji smiled. It was their first kiss, and he was sure there would be many more to come.

Later at night, they lay wrapped around each other in bed. Sanji was happy to rest on Zoro's chest and listen to the beat of his heart. A heart that beat for him.

Sanji also thought about how foolish he'd been. Foolish for saying those three words, and even more for trying to deny them. Sanji was glad he loved someone crazy enough to love him back.

"Can't sleep?" Zoro asked, bringing him back to the present.

"Just thinking," Sanji replied.

"What are you thinking about?"

"That I love you," Sanji said without hesitation, repeating those fated words from that night, "and that I wish I could have you like this every day."

Sanji nestled himself in Zoro's neck, inhaling his scent. He sighed contentedly when he felt Zoro kiss his head.

"You'll never get rid of me, cook," Zoro whispered. "Never."

Sanji smiled. "I'm counting on it, my swordsman."