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As far as most days went, this one was not going good.
Jasper was already feeling twitchy that day. It happens sometimes, his gift gets overwhelming and then he's overwhelmed. Suddenly it's not just everyone's emotions he can feel, it's every thing .
The lights, the sun, the pounding of feet on the ground, every follicle of hair on his body, every vein in his arm, every beat his heart makes. It's too much, it's too much and he doesn't know how to handle it.
But it's been 60 years so he can push through it.
Or so he thought.
It starts out bad, he's getting ready for school and his clothes are too loose, brushing terribly against his skin and making it feel as if the cold organ was set on fire.
Jasper grabs Alice's arm tight before she leaves to grab her bag and she turns immediately sunny smile and bright eyes and Jasper feels a wave of calmness wash over himself.
"Everything okay?" She asked, cheery and Jasper offered her a small smile, nodding back.
"You forgot something," he says and dramatically purses his lips. Alice giggles, delighted, and pulls him down, pressing a fat, wet kiss to his lips before she turns away and skips out the door.
It was not a good day, but as long as he had Alice by his side, everything would be fine.
So, he's overwhelmed but he's pushing through. He's sure he looks more in pain than he does normally, but no one besides his family pays any mind to him much so he doesn't care.
He gets through his first class, then the second, and then the third.
So of course it all comes to a head during the fourth.
Jasper is sitting at his desk in the back corner, head ducked low as he reads over the lecture for the class that day. He's done this lesson dozens of times by now but it's not like he had an eidetic memory or anything.
His foot is tapping nervously, the room is too bright, some guy is wearing annoyingly strong cologne and the girls in front of him won't stop gossiping.
He feels irritated the longer the day goes on, the stronger he feels everything, and he inhales slowly.
Jasper feels another wave of comfort wash over him and he breathes out slowly, turning over to look at Alice next to him, who's smiling with a tilted head.
As much as Jasper can manipulate others emotions, it's just as easy for someone to manipulate his. Just feel strong enough and it'll affect Jasper too. Alice knows this, of course, and uses it a lot to their benefit.
"Everything okay?" She asked, voice low and laced with concern.
Jasper starts to nod before swallowing thickly and shrugs. "Feeling everything." He explained and she pouts at him, he tastes her sympathy on his tongue. "I can handle it."
"Are you sure?" Alice asked, clearly doubtful but still trusting Jasper to understand his own strengths enough.
He's silent and shrugs again, not giving her a straight answer. He doesn’t want to worry her, but he also doesn’t want to lie to her either.
Jasper inhales slowly, trying to calm himself as Alice watches him carefully.
He can do it, he can make it through the day.
Except, he’s feeling more nervous, more anxious suddenly and he looks around the room, eyes landing on a girl who’s curled up in her seat, trembling.
Panic attack.
Jasper swallows thickly, trying to send off good vibes to her, get her to calm down, but she’s so deep in her own panic that it’s messing with Jasper’s ability to do anything.
He grips his desk tightly. Inhale. Exhale.
Everything is fine, he can do this.
Five minutes pass and the girl works up the nerve to ask to be excused, and now she’s gone but it’s too late. Her own panic has already sunk deep into Jasper’s bones and it’s taking everything in him to not starting crawling out of his own skin.
Inhale. Exhale.
Alice gives him a worried glance and Jasper can feel her concern wash over him quickly and he chokes on it. He looks around the room, trying to focus on anything else, the posters, the wall, the chalkboard at the front, but he can’t.
All he does is feel .
Feel Alice’s concern and worry, feel some girl’s anger and betrayal, feels some guys guilt and remorse, feels another kids sleepiness and fatigue, feels the teachers’ annoyance and temperament, feels someone’s uneasiness, someone’s boredom, someone’s sadness.
He feels it all, it’s so much and it feels like it’s choking him, strangling him.
Inhale. Exhale.
Jasper can’t breathe, he can’t focus, he can’t see, all he can is feel.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
He thinks he might be breathing too fast now, but all he can think of is getting air into his lungs. He doesn’t even need to breathe. His lungs literally serve no purpose to him but he’s still trying to just focus on something, anything that isn’t all the emotions swirling in his chest, fogging his mind, tightening around his throat.
“Jazz?” Alice whispers to him, eyes wide with concern and Jasper chokes a little, turning to her. They’re no longer in the classroom, they’re in a hall somewhere. He doesn’t even know when they got here, how they got here, but all that matters is there’s no one here.
He forces himself to relax, but his shoulders are still stiff. He’s still buzzing with emotions. Alice pouts at him and gently cradles his face and he relaxes into her hold.
“We should go home.” She stated and Jasper shakes his head.
“We’re halfway through the day,” He managed to get out, voice low, like it’s taking everything in him to force the words out.
“Yeah, but you’re not holding up too well,” Alice pointed out. “You don’t need to force yourself to keep going if you can’t. Carlisle will understand, you know?”
Alice has a way of being able to read what’s on Jasper’s mind better than Edward’s gift will ever be able to. She knows he has a deep rooted fear of messing up with the Cullens, of doing something that Carlisle or Esme don’t approve of and suddenly getting him and Alice kicked out. Or even worse, just him. He knows Alice would lose it, would start a fight with the Cullens over it and it would put her in danger.
He knows though that Carlisle cares for them, he can feel how much the man loves and cares for all of them, but it doesn’t stop the fear that he’ll mess up one day.
Leaving school halfway through because Jasper can’t control his gift? Yeah, Jasper thinks this would be something that might upset the older man, and Alice can tell he’s worried and pulls him into a hug. It’s a little awkward since she’s so much shorter but Jasper sinks into her hold.
“Carlisle will understand.” Alice reassures him, sending him waves of positivity, but Jasper’s too far deep in the inner turmoil of everyone’s emotions, it does very little to soothe him. “Plus, it’ll be better than if your gift starts to go haywire or anything, you know?”
Jasper sighs and nods.
“You’re right,” He said and she grinned wide up at him.
“I always am!” Alice sings as she grabs his hand and leads him outside. “Come on, we can go hang out in the woods. Far away from anyone who can bother us.”
Jasper offers her a tiny smile and tries to ignore everything swirling inside him.
Anger, fear, disgust, sadness, exhilaration, happiness, fatigue, anxiety, joy, betrayal, guilt, remorse, boredness, annoyance, contentedness, disgruntledness, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, whelmed , he felt it all.
It got a little easier to manage as they exited the school and made their way to their car. Edward had come in his own truck and Rosalie in her car, they’re sure if Emmett really needed a ride back, either of them would drive him back as well.
Alice hops in the driver's seat as Jasper lays down in the back, staring at the ceiling and counting down from 500.
They drive for a while, long enough that Jasper’s counted down to -1392 before Alice pulls over and parks.
“Come on Jazz!” She says, smiling widely at her lover and he sits up and exits the car. She’s quick to grab his hand and skip along next to him as they walk deep into the forest.
He’s not sure where they are, but just by reaching out with his gift, he can tell they’re far, far away from any other living souls.
Alice leads them up to a small clearing in the forest, where the trees are separated a little bit more and ones have fallen on it’s side. She plops herself down onto the fall over log and smiles up at Jasper.
“Wanna talk or just sit in silence?” She asked as Jasper takes a seat next to her but leaves a little gap of space. He’s overwhelmed, he’s feeling too much, and he loves Alice but he needs just a fraction of space right now if he has any hopes of getting back to normal.
“Can you... sing?” Jasper asked and Alice’s face lights up.
“Yes!” She cheers, smile wide and she drops Jasper's hand and sits up straighter, clearing her throat a bit. Jasper rests his hands in his laps and looks at her expectantly.
She begins to sing gently, voice higher pitched and gentle. Jasper closes his eyes and focuses on her voice, the words she’s singing, and the emotion she puts into them.
They sit there for minutes, or hours, Jasper’s not sure.
All he’s sure of is Alice. Her presence, her comfort, her voice and her love.
He feels it all wash over him and chase away all the other emotions in him. Everyone else’s thoughts, everyone else’s inner turmoil dissolves away and his chest feels lighter.
If he needed to, he’d be able to breathe clearly now.
Jasper lets Alice finish the last song she’s singing, voice drifting off into the woods as he opens his eyes.
It’s gotten dark now, which confirms for him it’s been way longer than he had originally thought, but he can still see Alice. Still see her pale skin glittering gently in the spots of soft sunlight that trickle down into the forest. Still see her golden eyes shining at him. Still see her perfect pink lips stretch into a warm smile.
He can still see her, and that’s all that matters.
“Okay now?” She asked, voice gentle and Jasper nods slowly.
“Yes, thank you.” He said, and picks up her hand, shifting so they were sitting flush against each other and she brightens some.
“Awesome!” She says and jumps to her feet, pulling him up with her and they stood, chest to chest. “Bella is coming over tonight and she wants to watch that old western movie that’s out on DVD with you. You guys will have fun.”
Jasper’s known Alice for a very long time, and yet he still can never tell when she’s telling someone about a vision she’s had or if she’s just confident in knowing what will happen. Regardless, he smiles at her and pulls her into a hug.
“Thank you for being here for me,” He mumbles to her hair and Alice’s small arms wrap around him tightly and she sways in his arms a little.
“Always,” She says, affection dripping from her lips.