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“And then she had the audacity to- hold on a minute, Andre.” Cal sighed and held the landline to his chest before talking to his brother. “What’s up, Eric?” “Can you play with me? Daniel’s stupid grandma had to die and now he can’t come over.” “You mean Daniel K? Like, Andre’s cousin Daniel?” “Yes. Now can you please play with me?!” “Give me five, okay? Now shoo!”
Eric ran off down the hallway, scurrying back to his bedroom to go play with G.I. Joe by himself or something; Cal brought the phone back up to his ear and pinched the brig of his nose.
“Your great aunt died?” Silence.
“…yeah, I guess. She wasn’t that great. Smoked like a chimney. Only met her like twice in my life. How’d you learn that? You been stalking me?”
“No. But now thanks to your shitty bloodline I have to play with toy cars with my brother.”
Laughter can be heard coming from Andre, little bitch. “Oh god, I’d pay to see that.”
———
Cal had been playing with Eric for about 30 minutes now. It wasn’t an interesting plot or anything like that, mainly just G.I. Joe beating up Maddy’s old Barbie dolls.
”Look, I get that you find an interest in fights. But do you have to keep beating up the Barbies? I mean, what did they even do?”
Cal grabbed one of the dolls and put them up in a sitting position, only for Eric to use his G.I. Joe doll to kick them down. He goes to protest, but there’s a loud knock on the front door. God if that’s fucking Andre.
Eric ran to the door, hopeful it’s Daniel by some sheer coincidence; it’s Andre. “What do you want? Cal’s busy with me, Y’know.” “Forgot you have a mouth on you, Eric. Look, I wanna speak to Cal. This is grown-up stuff. Doesn’t concern you.”
Eric huffed and ran back down the hallway. Cal emerged moments later and walked to the door. “What do you want, Andre?”
“Army of Two duty, we must accompany each other in life and death. Meaning, if you’re stuck watching Eric, I’ll accompany you.”
“…since when was that a rule- when did we have rules?”
“We don’t. But we should. Also, that’s our motto.”
Andre pushed past Cal, letting himself in the house. Taking off his shoes at the front door before turning around to look at Cal. “Dude, I don’t think I come to your house enough. Where the fuck is everything?”
“Don’t swear. I don’t need to be grounded again because Eric learnt swears from you.” He sighed and started walking down the hall. “Follow me, I’ll take you to where we were hanging out.”
———
“See! Andre’s with me on beating up the Barbie dolls!” Andre had been playing with Eric for about 10 minutes, always taking his side and helping him beat up the Barbies. “Oh, c’mon Cal. You didn’t want to beat up the dolls? Shame on you for not embracing your brother’s creative imagination.”
“Oh shut up. Maybe I just wanna play a game without beating someone up.” Cal moved one of the dolls towards a car, only for it to be ambushed by Eric and Andre. “Okay, you two seem to be having fun, I’m going to go. I have homework to finish.”
He stood up, brushing off his shirt. Before Eric starts whining, “No! Stay! We can all play together!”
“Eric, dude, I don’t-” He started pouting, adding doggy eyes into the mix to try and convince his big brother to stay. Cal looked over at Andre for guidance, but he’s doing the same thing too!
“C’mon, Cal. Stay.” Andre had a smirk on his face, he knew what he was doing. He was a really good manipulator. Not better than Cal, but he was up there. “Fine. I hate both of you.” Cal sits back down on the floor and put his hands on the side of his face.
———
“Cal, I want cookies.” The three boys were now watching Television on the couch. Some silly children's show was daunting on in the background, some big red anthropomorphic dog. Andre’s face lights up, Cal sighs and looks over at Eric “Buddy, you know we don't have any.”
Andre made a noise in rebuttal, standing up and walking towards his jacket; pulling something out of the pocket. Betty Crocker Cookie Mix.
”…why the fuc- hell do you have that in your jacket?” “Well, originally I was going to make Brad Huff some cookies. Really fuck ‘em up and like give him diarrhoea, gonorrhoea even. But, this seems like a way more worthy cause.”
Eric goes to ask what gonorrhoea is, but gets beat to talk by Cal. “Okay. I guess.” Usually, he would refuse. But it’s for Eric. Cal isn’t going to be around soon if things go to plan, he should cherish the moments to do things for his brother while he still has them.
Andre smirks, and practically speed walks to the kitchen, Cal close behind.
”If you need us, scream bloody murder!” The brunette spouted.
“Don’t do that, if you need us Eric. Just come get us.”
———
“Oh, and a little something for ourselves.” Andre pulled out something from his pocket, a gun shaped cookie cutter. “…Dude, I’m not giving my brother gun shaped coo-“ “What part of ‘for ourselves’ didn’t register, Calvin?”
Cal groaned at the use of his name, before turning to the oven to preheat it. “What do the instructions say?” Andre, who’s never actually made cookie’s before; picked up the box and tried to read the instructions. “Hm, um preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenhe- wait no that’s if we aren’t using a non stick sheet… what kind of sheet are we using?”
“Oh my god, you’re incompetent.” He walks over to the kitchen drawers, sorting through them while Andre in the background babbles on about how he isn’t an idiot.
“Okay, um- we are using non stick sheet. So, 350. Correct?” “No, 325 with non stick.”
While Cal fixates on the oven, Andre walks over to the radio sitting on the counter, and toys with it a little. A shitty little alt rock song comes on, a man’s voice singing about how ‘if he goes crazy, will you still call him Superman’. It’s… weird.
It’s only for about 20 seconds that the song plays, before a voice calls over it and drowns it out; Cal. “Did you know, that in other places of the world- they don’t use the imperial system? America’s the only one that does. And I think- I thinks that’s cool. It makes us more unique than the other countries.” “…why the fuck would I know that, Cal?” “Because, it’s a cool fact, Andre. It’s interesting.”
The blonde boy stands up and grabs a bowl, putting on the counter before grabbing the box to look over the ingredients. “Okay, I think we have all them somewhere in his kitchen.” Andre looks over, and makes a face. “Dude, put your hair up. We don’t want your hair in our food.” Cal sighs, looking at Andre “Shut up.” Before he walks off to the bathroom to tie his hair up.
He comes back out with his hair put up in a ponytail. “Okay, wash your hands and we can get started.”
“Okay, mom.” The brunette walks over to the sink and starts washing his hands. “Y’know. I’ve never seen your pretty boy golden locks up before.” “Stop calling them that.”
While Andre washed his hands, Cal went over to the refrigerator and got out the key ingredients. Margarine and an egg. He looks puzzled at them, before turning to Andre. “Are you sure this is all we need for it? In cooking class they make us make them from scratch and there’s tons of itty bitty ingredients needed and necessary for the-” “Dude, you take cooking class? Who the fuck told you to take cooking class?? What, do you and Rachel partner up and you make all of the food while she sits there like a dainty little house-wife?”
“Oh my god- shut up about Rachel please.” “Calm down, dude. I’m kidding. But seriously I don’t know if that’s all we need, I’ve never made this shit before. You’re the expert. Lead the path Calvin Michael.”
———
“No fucking way all we need is butter and an egg. This mixture looks so bad!” Andre and Cal had been cooking for five minutes, and already were disagreeing. This time? Andre bitching about the mixture. “It’s supposed to look bad. It’s not fit for human consumption yet. Also, this is all the ingredients they tell us to use.”
Andre scoffs, “Yeah, right.” And walks over to the fridge. Grabbing some milk. “Andre, no! We have to follow what they wrote-” “Rules were meant to be broken. That’s another rule in the Army Of Two. Besides, this can be pay back for all the stupid dares you make me do.” “You can’t decline a dare, that’s your fault.”
While they’re busy squabbling; Andre pours in the milk. “No! You’ve fucked up the whole recipe!” “Oh come on. It’s just milk, it can’t fuck it up that badly.”
“Asshole. But whatever, it’s time to mix it.” Cal reaches over and grabs a wooden spoon from his mom’s assortment of kitchen utensils, and starts to mix the batter in the bowl. Really putting some effort into it.
While he does that, Andre looks around the kitchen. Staring at the many walls that make up the room. He really didn’t go to Cal’s house enough; it didn’t matter. They’ll both be on the run soon, never looking back at these walls again. It was an… eerie, but comforting feeling. Things were going to change soon. And they’d never be the same again. “…how’s the batter coming? Still look like something Brad Huff would vomit up after a night of partying with the LaDiEs?”
“I guess. They’re pretty much ready for the oven, just need to roll them into balls. How long do they need in the oven?” “Uhm- good question.” Andre picks up the box and has a look at it, studying the back. “It says about 10-12 minutes… could even the score a little. Do 15.” He looks at the mixture in the bowl, being equivalent to vomit. “Or maybe 20.”
Cal looks up, and stares at Andre bewildered. “You’re on the track team? How do you think 20 minutes is okay? Time is everything!” “Says the weirdo who plays the ‘Sitar’. It’s fine, twenty minutes is fine.” “And remind me why your mother doesn’t let you into the kitchen?”
———
“…okay, maybe 20 minutes was too much.” Now sat on a baking sheet, is a handful of severely burnt cookies. Cal was giving him a side ‘I-told-you-so’ look. “The guns look like penises.” “Oh my god shut up! How does Rachel put up with you? They’re fine, I hope. Let’s just give ‘em to Eric. See if he likes them.” “No way am I giving my brother cookies that look like they were tainted from an active volcano! They look like pieces of ash.”
“Did I hear the word cookies?!” Eric’s voice peeps in from behind them, why the fuck do 8 year olds possess the power to teleport on command.
Andre turns to look at him, but is stopped by a firm grip on his shoulder. “Eric, Andre and I burned the cookies, there is none. And we should probably give these cookies to the old people who want to scomomo the whole world into its clutches.” “What Cal said.”
Eric stares at both of them, before running off to his room in a huff. He was pissed. “Well, that could have gone better.” Andre snarks, before grabbing a cookie and trying to bite it. “Agh! Why are these so disgusting?!”, laughter can be heard from the blonde, standing to the side. “Maybe because your unexperienced ass decided that he knew everything.”
“Hey! Fuck you!”
Both the boys stare at eachother, each giving the other a look, the same look, before breaking out into a fit of giggles. That was one thing the two could count they did before Zero Day, Andre should have brought his camera. Or maybe he shouldn’t have. Some moments were best left undocumented. Like this one. This one was for Cal and Andre to remember by themselves. If they did remember anything afterwards.