Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Maria Antonia: Ehi, qual è la tua password Voxflix?
Martin: spero che tu muoia
Maria Antonia: Grazie!
English translation:
Maria Antonia: Hey, what’s your Voxflix password?
Martín: ihopeyoudie
Maria Antonia: Thank you!

Maria Antonia: Aspetta, ti posso spiegare!
Martin: Davvero? Puoi adesso?
Maria Antonia: Posso se mi dai un minuto per pensarci
English translation:
Maria Antonia: Hold on, I can explain!
Martín: Really? Can you now?
Maria Antonia: I can if you give me a minute to think of a convincing lie.

Maria Antonia: Vuoi questo manciato di muschio?
Martín: Perché dovrei volere una manciata di maledetto muschio?
Maria Antonia: Cavolo, potevi semplicemente dire di no.
English translation:
Maria Antonia: Do you want this handful of moss?
Martín: Why would I want a handful of fucking moss?
Maria Antonia: Damn, you could’ve just said no.

Martín: Mari, è legale?
Maria Antonia: Quando non ci sono poliziotti in giro, tutto è legale!
English translation:
Martín: Mari, is that legal?
Maria Antonia: When there's no cops around, anything's legal!

Martín: Ho problemi con un ragazzo...
Maria Antonia: Tipo che il suo cadavere non si adatta al tuo baule, o problemi che ti piacciono?
English translation:
Martín: I'm having problems with a guy...
Maria Antonia: Like his dead body won't fit into your trunk kind of problems, or you like him kind of problems?

Martín: Ehi, tocca a te lavare i piatti.
Maria Antonia: Laverò di rosso i muri col tuo sangue.
Martín: Va bene, ma prima lava i piatti. Inoltre, questa volta usa il sapone.
English translation:
Martín: Hey, it’s your turn to wash the dishes.
Maria Antonia: I’ll wash the walls red with your blood.
Martín: Okay, but before that, wash the dishes. Also, use soap this time.

Martín: Ehi, Maria Antonia, sei intelligente, dimmi cosa succederebbe se bevessi 3 litri di cloroformio.
Maria Antonia: Sei mai stata in un obitorio?
Martín: Sì, mia nonna vive lì.
Firenze: Questa è la risposta peggiore a questa domanda.
Maria Antonia: oppure è la migliore?
English translation:
Martín: Hey, Maria Antonia you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform.
Maria Antonia: Have you ever been to a mortuary?
Martín: Yea, my grandma lives there.
Firenze: That is the worst response to that question.
Maria Antonia: or is it the best?

Martín: Firenze ha litigato.
Maria Antonia: È brutto.
Maria Antonia:
Maria Antonia: Hanno vinto?
English translation:
Martín: Florence got into a fight.
Maria Antonia: That’s bad.
Maria Antonia:
Maria Antonia: Did she win?

Maria Antonia: Non preoccuparti, ho qualche coltello nella manica.
Martín: Penso che tu intenda le carte.
Firenze: Non l'hanno fatto.
Maria Antonia, tirando fuori i coltelli: Non l'ho fatto.
English translation:
Maria Antonia: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.
Martín: I think you mean cards.
Florence: They did not.
Maria Antonia, pulling out knives: I did not.

Firenze, bussa alla porta: Papà, apri!
Martín: Tutto è iniziato quando ero bambino.
Firenze: Non è quello che...
Maria Antonia: Lascialo finire!
English translation:
Florence, knocking on the door: Dad, open up!
Martín: It all started when I was a kid.
Florence: That’s not what I-
Maria Antonia: Let him finish!

Martín, quando Firenze entra: Oh, ehi, sto solo facendo la pizza.
Martín: *colpisce accidentalmente in faccia Maria Antonia con la tavola di legno*
English translation:
Martín, when Florence walks in: Oh, hey, I'm just making pizza.
Martín: *accidentally smacks Maria Antonia in the face with the wooden board*

Firenze: Papà non esce dalla sua stanza!
Maria Antonia: Digli solo che ho detto qualcosa.
Firenze: Tipo cosa?
Maria Antonia: Tutto ciò che di fatto non è corretto.
Firenze, alzando le spalle: Se lo dici tu.
Martín, arrivando qualche istante dopo: Hai appena detto che sono meglio gli spaghetti pre confezionati??!!
English translation:
Florence: Dad won’t come out of his room!
Maria Antonia: Just tell him I said something.
Florence: Like what?
Maria Antonia: Anything factually incorrect.
Florence, shrugging: If you say so.
Martín, arriving moments later: Did you just say pre packaged spaghetti is better??!!

Martín: Non possono farmi ammettere che la Francia esiste, vero? Legalmente, ciò non è consentito.
Martín: Certo, se la Francia fosse REALE direi che mi è piaciuta.
Martín: Ma chi lo dice?
Maria Antonia: Penso che la Francia non sia reale.
Firenze: Mamma, sei stata in Francia.
Maria Antonia: E???
English translation:
Martín: They can't make me admit France exists, right? Legally, that's not allowed.
Martín: Sure, if France was REAL I'd say I liked it.
Martín: But who's to say.
Maria Antonia: I think France isn't real.
Florence: Mom, you've been to France.
Maria Antonia: And???

Firenze: È buffo come tu e mamma andiate d'accordo. All'inizio non ti odiavano?
Martín: Tua mamma all'inizio odia tutti. È il loro modo di raggiungere le persone.
English translation:
Florence: It’s funny how well you and mom get along. Didn’t they hate you at first?
Martín: Your mom hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

Firenze: Prendersi cura di sé è cose come fare un bagnoschiuma o truccarsi molto, se vuoi, o fare un bel pisolino caldo e cose del genere in pratica.
Maria Antonia: La cura di sé è il calore ardente quando la rabbia ti travolge. La cura di sé è quando senti le ossa spezzarsi sotto i tuoi pugni potenti. La cura di sé è la paura negli occhi dei tuoi nemici.
Martín: Prendersi cura di sé è rubare la torta di compleanno di qualcuno solo per mangiare la glassa.
Maria Antonia: Se tocchi la mia torta di compleanno ti faccio mangiare le mani.
English translation:
Florence: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of makeup if you like, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.
Maria Antonia: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. Self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.
Martín: Self care is stealing someone's birthday cake just to eat the frosting.
Maria Antonia: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

*Firenze tiene in braccio il piccolo Arackniss*
Martín: Oh Dio, non posso credere che ne abbia uno.
Maria Antonia: Lei è ancora una di queste.
English translation:
*Florence holding baby Arackniss*
Martín: Oh God, I can’t believe she has one of these.
Maria Antonia: She’s still one of these.

Chapter Text

Ana: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

Ana: I don’t know how you have your foot in your mouth, your head up your ass, and your nose in my business. But here we are, you fucking wizard.

Ana (to Katie Killjoy): I'd roast you, but my mamma told me you can't burn trash.
Ana: *slow-mo walks out of the room*

Ana: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

Ana: I'm feeling it! What am I feeling? Death, probably. Considering I’ve been dead for over 40 years.

Ana: I'm hot, I’m tall, I'm gay, and I'm on my theatre kid arc.

Ana: Remember how I once thought that this place couldn’t possibly be any weirder than my hometown?
Ana: Well, now I’m not sure how to feel about being proven wrong.
Angel Dust: Naw, Weehawken’s still weirder than this.

Angel Dust: Two truths and a lie, I’ll start!
Angel Dust: I’ve killed a man, I will kill again, and it burns when I pee.
Ana, visibly nervous: I don’t- I don’t like this game.
Angel Dust: *dead panned* It’s the second one, idiota.

Ana: I have lots of friends!
Angel Dust: Name one.
Ana: Well, there’s-
Angel Dust: Name one who isn’t your family or who you’re not in a soul contract with.
Ana: Hey, that’s not fair, then there isn’t any!

Ana: Didn't you die?!
Maria Antonia: That was decades ago, bambina. Things change.

Maria Antonia: When I get Vox Eats I order 20 Cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times.
Ana: I hope you understand how food poisoning works.
Antonia Maria: I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger I couldn't eat.

Ana: Why can’t we all just get along?
Maria Antonia: Because most of us are assholes, Ana.

Antonia Maria: Are you okay?
Ana, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.
Maria Antonia: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Ana?

*at a zoo*
Maria Antonia: What are they in for?
Ana: Bisnonna, this isn't a prison.
Antonia Maria: So they can leave?
Ana: No, but-
Antonia Maria, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

Ana, to the Hazbin gang: If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!
*silence*
Ana: Damn, y’all depressed as fuck!
Angel Dust: You didn’t clap either-
Ana: SHUT UP!

Ana: I wanna sleep for 40 hours.
Frankie: You know that's called a coma, right?
Ana:
Ana: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.

Frankie: Wanna hear some dark humor.
Ana: Yeah, I love dark humor.
Frankie: Alright.
Frankie: *Turns off the lights*
Frankie: Knock knock.
Ana: Turn the damn lights back on.

Ana: How has life been treating you lately?
Frankie: Horribly.

Ana: I wasn’t that drunk.
Frankie: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.
Ana: BECAUSE YOU ARE!

Molly: What do you three have to say for yourself?
Toni:
Stepheno:
Ana: Oops?

Molly: What’s your biggest fear?
Ana: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.
Toni: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Stepheno: Zombies.
Ana: ...
Toni: ...
Stepheno: BUT they can open doors.

Molly: What are the hardest things to say?
Stephano: I was wrong.
Ana: I need help.
Toni: Worcestershire sauce.

Molly, watching Stepheno & Toni panic : What's going on?
Ana: Stepheno is having a midlife crisis and Toni is just having a crisis.

Molly: How late were you up last night?
Ana & Stepheno, in tandem: Me?
Molly: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time.
Molly, to Toni: You.

Molly: Go on, give Toni a compliment.
Stepheno: How do you expect me to do that?
Ana: Just say something that you wish someone would say to you.
Stepheno: Uhh… You are now unbanned from Free Ham Sandwich Day!
Toni, sobbing: Nobody’s ever said that to me before!

Ana, in a room with Molly, Stepheno, and Toni: It’s calm in here.
Ana: It scares me…

Molly: I just watched Ana jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, she wasn't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Toni was screaming for help, which caused Stepheno to run in to help Ana. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six minutes.

Ana: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Maria Antonia: You are my reward.
*meanwhile*
Angel Dust: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Frankie: True, you were really difficult at times.

Frankie: What’s it like being tall?
Ana: Is it nice?
Maria Antonia: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Angel Dust: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Martin, singing off key: Non voglio molto per Natale, c'è solo una cosa di cui ho bisogno: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—
Ana: Family!
Maria Antonia: A better love life.
Frankie: A healthy mind!
Angel Dust: Voice lessons.

Chapter Text

Charlie: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.
Husk: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...
Angel Dust: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.
Alastor: My moral code, is that you?
Vaggie: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.
Niffty: Mental stability, my old friend!
Charlie:
Charlie: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my dad left me, but do you guys need a hug?

*The Squad is on the bus, and a child is crying*
Angel Dust: *rolls eyes to the sky*
Charlie: *makes funny faces to get them to stop*
Vaggie : *puts their earphones on at 100% volume*
Husk: *doesn't mind, doesn't bother*
Niffty: *is the reason they're crying*
Alastor: *enjoys in silence*

Alastor: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Charlie: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Niffty: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.
Angel Dust: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Vaggie: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand, and I got a nasty burn.
Husk: I have emotional scars. Angel Dust: Pfft. We all do. You ain't special.

*The Hazbin gang with cigarettes*
Angel Dust: I smoke regularly.
Husk: I smoke sparingly.
Alastor: I smoked once, but I didn't care for it.
Niffty: I've never smoked, but the idea intrigues me.
Vaggie: I've never smoked, and I refuse to do so.
Charlie: What's a cigarette?

Niffty: Christmas lights?
Charlie: Check.
Vaggie: Thermos of hot cocoa?
Charlie: Check.
Alastor: Santa suits?
Charlie: Check.
Angel Dust: Shovel?
Charlie: Check.
Husk: Alibi and bail money?
Charlie: Check- wait, WHAT?!

*The Hazbin gang's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*
Charlie: I will not let you down!
Alastor: Sounds fun.
Niffty : K.
Husk: No, I'm fucking not.
Angel Dust: Do I have to be?
Vaggie: Please, god, I am so tired.

*Squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*
Vaggie: Thanks…but I have a girlfriend
Husk: Oh no.
Charlie: *cries* I love you too. But platonically! Cause, you know. Vaggie.
Angel Dust: Sounds fake, but okay.
Niffty: *A giddy flustered mess*
Alastor (the man who thinks he's heterosexual and allo): Can I get a refund?

Husk: Time for plan G.
Angel Dust: Don't you mean plan B?
Husk: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Vaggie: What about plan D?
Husk: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Niffty: What about plan E?
Husk: I'm hoping not to use it. Charlie dies in plan E.
Alastor: I like plan E.

Charlie: Where is everyone?
Niffty: Angel had a nervous collapse, Husk is looking after him, Vaggie is trying to kill Alastor, so I'm in charge.
Charlie: Oh my god!
Nifftt: I know, right?

Chapter Text

Dia, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want?
Summer : Blue flavor!
Dia: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry?
Summer : Blue flavor! Blue flavor!
Dia: Blue is not a flavor!
Summer : BLUE FLAVOR!

Dia: Do you want to know your gay name?
Summer : My... my gay name?
Dia: Yeah, it's your first name-
Summer : Haha. Very funny Dia-
Dia: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.
Summer : Oh- oh my god.

Summer : Dia... you've been cuddling with me for over and hour now.
Dia: *muffled* mm hmmm :)
Summer : Fuck. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

Dia: So uh, for this party and everything, do you, uh...
Summer , sighing: You don't know how to dress for this, do you?
Dia, panicked: WHAT IS CLOTHES???

Dia: You remind me of the ocean.
Summer : Because I'm deep and mysterious?
Dia: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Summer : So, what's for dinner?
Dia, staring at the food they burnt: Regret.

Summer : What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
Dia: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.
Summer : I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better.
Dia: ...

Summer : Our relationship is strictly professional.
Dia, sitting on Summer ’s lap: Absolutely. Only on business.

Summer : Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do?
Dia: Oh… I’d mildly trouble everyone.
Summer : Alright, so what would you do?
Dia: I’d shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw.
Dia: I’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working.
Dia: I’d make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one.
Dia: And I’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together.
Dia: And then lastly, I’d snip a little hole in every tea bag.
Summer :
Summer : Remind me to never allow you to have power.

Dia: The Ocean is a soup.
Summer :
Summer : Do elaborate.
Dia: What are needed for something to be a soup?
Summer : Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.
Dia: *Tilts head*
Summer : The Ocean is a Soup.
Dia: The Ocean is a Soup.

Dia: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!
Summer : Please, just say fuck.

Summer : Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.

Summer : Capitalizing every word in a sentence is vomit inducing.
Dia: Enjoy Your Trip To Puke Land, Boy!

Summer : According to the footage here, you shook the vending machine and when the shake alarm went off, you punched the glass and broke it.
Dia: …I was hungry.

Summer : What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done?
Dia: *sighs*
Dia: I killed a man.

Summer : Why are you guys acting like this?
Dia: Oh, we're not acting. We really are like this.

Dia: Do I least have a chance to explain myself?
Summer : This is America, so nope!
Dia: This isn't America, this is Hell!

Summer : Go to hell!
Dia: Where do you think I come from?

Dia: I’m a reverse necromancer.
Summer : Isn’t that just killing people?
Dia: Ah, technically.

Summer : Can you cut me some slack, Dia? I’m sort of in love.
Dia: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.
Summer : I’m in love with you.
Dia: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

Dia: It'll be fun.
Dia: We'll make a day of it.
Dia: Come on you punk bitch.
Summer : I can't believe I have to say this.
Summer : I don't have time to get tested for sti's with you tomorrow.

Dia: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?
Summer : I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Dia: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Summer : Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Chapter Text

Baxter: Hey, Crymini! Do you wanna go celebrate with me?
Crymini: Baxter, you know I can't be seen in public with you.
Baxter: Okay, a simple "no" would be fine.

Crymini: Mimzy just insisted Baxter and I remember a code word in case we’re ever confronted by their clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we’re not sure which is the real them and which is the imposter.
Crymini: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

Mimzy to Baxter: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just...
Crymini: Cockroach ankles!
Mimzy: Ye- uh, what?

Mimzy: Tomorrow’s the Cooking Contest. Baxter always tells me one thing every year. They say, “You might win if you’d stop eating your entry!” But how would I know whether it’s an award-winning dish without tasting it first? This may be a problem humanity will have to grapple with for eternity…

Mimzy: Crymini, get that hideous thing out of the hotel foyer, would you?
Crymini: Baxter, Mimzy wants you to get out of the house.

Baxter: Are you having another depressive episode?
Crymini: A depressive episode?
Crymini: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

Baxter: Alright, which one of us is gonna check outside?
Crymini: Not it!
Mimzy: Not it!
Baxter: ...Neither one of you are as dumb as you lead on to be.

Baxter: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under.

Mimzy: Do you think I’m ugly?
Baxter: It’s not about looks, Mimzy. What’s valuable is on the inside...
Mimzy: Baxter...
Baxter: For example, someone's heart.
Mimzy: Aw... Stop it-
Baxter: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.
Mimzy: Seriously, stop.

Baxter: That sounds like a terrible plan.
Mimzy: Oh, we've had worse.

Charlie: Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices, Mimzy?
Mimzy: Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.

Vaggie: If I fall…
Charlie: I’ll be there to catch you.
Angel Dust: *looks at Husk* What if I fall?
Husk: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.
Baxter: *watches these two interactions*
Baxter, to Crymini: And if I fall?
Crymini: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

Charlie, looking at Angel Dust: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

Crymini: I won a new phone in a race.
Mimzy: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Crymini?
Crymini: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.

Niffty: My dad died when I was little so whenever someone jokes about fucking my mom I’ll pretend to be really sincere and say some shit like “Glad to see she’s moving on, my dad’s death hit her pretty hard.” Then watch them absolutely fumble trying to figure out a response to that statement.
Niffty: Update, she got a new partner. I can no longer make the joke.

Niffty, to The Squad: You should change your passwords to “incorrect”. Then, every time you forget it, the system will remind you, “your password is incorrect”.

Alastor: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!
Alastor: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

Crymini: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

Crymini, to Vaggie: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

Vaggie: How stupid do you think I am?!
Angel Dust: You really want an honest answer to that?

Crymini: Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them.
Crymini: On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.

Angel Dust: You can answer almost anything with “Not since the accident.”
Baxter: Actually, you can’t.
Crymini: Not since the accident.
Vaggie: *heading out to see Charlie*
Alastor: Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!
Vaggie: I think I crossed that line when I got a date.

Husk: What the hell were you thinking?
Angel Dust: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!
Husk: You released OSTRICHES!

Alastor: You think you're smarter than everyone else.
Baxter: I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am.

Angel Dust: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.
Mimzy: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?
Angel Dust: Seize the dick.

Niffty: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.
Husk: I think you mean cards.
Charlie: They did not.
Niffty, pulling out knives: I did not.

Vaggie: What do you call disobeying the law?
The Squad: A hobby.
Vaggie: *crosses their arms*
The Squad: That we do not engage in.

Niffty: I wish I had more enemies.
Alastor: I’m sure you will someday, honey.

Crymini: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Vaggie: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.
Angel Dust: But ya' didn't!

Crymini: What's this?
Husk, hugging Crymini: Affection.
Crymini: Gross
Husk lets go.
Crymini: ...I didn’t say you could stop.

Angel Dust: That was so hot, Husk.
Husk: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
Angel Dust: I'm so in love with you.

Mimzy: Uh, I think I got your lunch. Holds up a note that reads: “I am very proud of you. Love, Vaggie”
Angel Dust: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. Holds up a note that reads: “Be good. For the love of Lucifer, Please be good.”

Alastor: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?
Niffty: *raises hand*
Charlie: *puts their hand down*

*The Squad's cooking skills*
Alastor: *master chef*
Angel Dust: *knows a few recipes*
Vaggie: *can follow instructions on a box*
Crymini: *made toast once*
Mimzy: *banned from the kitchen*

Husk: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

Charlie: Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battles.
Angel Dust: Why would I be kind? I will be brutal and relentless and ride into battle by their side!

Niffty: My head hurts.
Baxter: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
Vaggie: No that’s her nerves yelling at her from repeatedly smashing into that cabinet door

Angel Dust: Don’t preach to me about romance, Husk. I had a three-way in a hot-air balloon.

Baxter: I made tea.
Alastor: I don't want tea.
Baxter: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.
Alastor: Then why did you tell me?
Baxter: It's a conversation starter.
Alastor: It's a horrible conversation starter.
Baxter: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Angel Dust: My level of gay has reached “sighing deeply whenever anything extremely heterosexual happens near me”.

Mimzy: Hey, how did my phone break? Vaggie: You were drunk yesterday. Mimzy: And? Alastor: You threw it. Mimzy: Why? Baxter: You turned on airplane mode and kept screaming “FLY DAMN YOU!” Mimzy: And why didn’t you stop me?! Crymini: We were busy laughing our asses off.