Chapter Text
Song used from the Hunger Games: https://youtu.be/UjvcgfYB6T0
~
It was early Glade years. Somewhere in the second year that Alby had offered the shelter to Newt, Minho and the others. Thomas was yet to exist in their world. And on this particular day it poured with rain.
The box carried someone new up and up and up. And that someone was you.
As the box shuddered and creaked on its hinges, screams of what creatures were hidden in contained shafts, seemingly pigs and goats that bleat and squeal for freedom. And you hyperventilate, searching the cage you found yourself in. Uselessly. And then the thing shuddders to a halt and you lay down, hoping that whoever found you would believe your game of possum.
Playing dead as light flooded the cage box, you keep your eyes just barely open, hoping the people who all crowd the exit of this cage would take you somewhere safe.
Somewhere free.
"Hey, Gally, you wanna go see or shall I?" Newt asked as Alby looked over at your curled form in the box. He squinted his eyes.
"I'll go, I don't care." Gally slipped into the cage with you and you waited for him to come closer.
"It's.. a girl." Gally was taken aback as he said his discovery out loud.
The others all make questioning sounds and looked between one another. Gally playfully said, "I call dibs-"
Most of the boys shake their heads and try to ignore his disrespect but some laughed and egged him on. Some even said, 'darn'.
But you had waited the perfect amount of time before you struck. Alby noticed you weren't actually asleep but he didn't say anything to teach Gally a lesson.
You swiped your feet out and knocked Gally on his ass from the hit. He thuds down and as he tried to get up again, you lock him in a headlock with your shins squeezing his neck and holding his arm behind his back so he couldn't attack you.
The boys all 'oohhh' as in an 'ouch' way. Alby finally steps in and he kneels down to look into the drenched cage. The rain still pouring down.
"Who the HELL do you think you are to call 'DIBS' on me!?" You snarl into Gally's ear.
"Hey can you lemme free?! I'm tryna help ya-" Gally spat back, struggling against you.
"Funny way to help someone, really makin' me think you're a good guy when you act like I'm some PRIZE to win, you absolute twa-" You were then interrupted as the rain hit your skin and you took in the sensation. "Oh my... god.."
You stood up and began climbing the side of the cage as Gally hefted himself up from the floor of that cage, the boys step back whereas Alby held out his hand to help you up. You looked at his palm and after looking into his eyes you took his hand.
A lot of the guys exhaled a breath they didn't realise they were holding.
Gally snapped, "You wait there! You think you can get away with hitting me like that?!"
"Shh shh." You hush Gally boldly as you look over the edge of the cage doors.
A lot of the guys ran and hid under the shelter and Gally was heaving himself out of the hole with some of his acolyte friends lending him a helping hand.
You and Alby talk and he tells you where you were and the dangers beyond the walls carefully. He smiled at you as he asked, "Why did you choose to trust me and not Gally?"
"You have kind eyes. He didn't. He had a coward's eyes." You shrug and asked, "Do you mind if I enjoy this weather?"
Alby leaned back against a pillar and nodded for you to go ahead, "Be our guest~" He smiled from your answer and lightly elbowed Newt as he said, "I think she's a wild one, don't you?"
"She'll fit in well then." Newt laughed as he answered.
"That's the truth. You'll keep an eye on her, okay? I think she'd do well in the gardens, don't you?" Alby asked his fellow next in command.
"Yeah sure, whatever you need of me." Newt smiled at Alby then the two were brought out of their conversations when Gally was spotted stopping in the rain and thumbing back at you and shouting with rain in his mouth and eyesight, "What the actual hell is that girl doing!?"
Alby just chuckled and said, "Come shelter Gally, you too Winston." And as the leader had said, they did.
The boys all watched as you danced through the rain, humming and dancing, enjoying your freedom.
You had been dressed in the purest white linen dress that they had ever seen.. or could remember that was.
Spinning in the rain and pivoting like a ballerina, twisting and leaping like some elegant creature; you landed with a slip in the uneven mud beneath your foot and with a harmonious laugh you fall down. Seeming to not get up as the clouds begin to part and sun encapsulates your sodden form in the grasslands.
Newt and Alby share a look and the leader nods to his young friend.
And so, Newt jogs over towards you, Minho following as well as Gally and some of the other no good doers.
Newt and Minho get there first and ask, "Hey, you okay? Hey.. Girl, you okay?"
Minho crouched beside you and nudged you gently when suddenly you grabbed his wrist before he could respond and you pull him down with you.
Minho finds himself laying on his back with you beside him, a bright smile to your features as you giggle playfully. "What the- aw now I'm all wet too!" Minho grouchily whined.
"Hey you guys, come join too! It's so nice. Look up at the sky!" You happily invite them.
You close your eyes partially as Newt rolls his eyes and crouches the other side of you when Minho says, "Actually this is quite nice..."
You pouted at how Newt wouldn't lay down with you guys. "What? You don't expect me to get my back all wet with you, do you?" Newt asked.
"Well yes we do expect that, don't we, friend?" You asked, nudging Minho who looked at newt expectantly, mirroring your reaction too.
"Yeah, Newt. Lay with us and look up at the sky, you don't wanna dissappoint the new girl, do you?" Minho snarkily asked.
Newt rolled his eyes and said, "Alright, fine, whatever... I'm sure I'll dry off some time soon anyway-"
You smirk and high five your new bestie, Minho.
"Hey, what is your name, new bestie?" You asked Minho and he introduced himself with a side handshake, trying to move over so he could look at your face as you both smile at one another. "And you, frog-face?" You asked Newt.
"Frog-fa... Rude. I'm Newt." Newt sighed.
"Newt?!" You leapt up, "Wait, really!?" Sitting up just as Newt had fully dedicated himself to lying in the wet grass with yourself and Minho - only for you to get up.
You stare at him incredulously.
"What do you mean 'really'?.. Yes, I think I know at least my own name!" Newt said sassily but calmly.
"Yeah but I called you frog-face.. your face is kinda frog-like.. Not in an insulting way. You literally LOOK like a frog." You pointed out nonchalantly as he shook his head and clicked his tongue at your definition. "Newts are like lizard frogs! That's so cool!"
Minho propped himself up on his arms and laughed at how you got up and ran over to the edge of the pond. "In fact there might be some in here!"
Newt caught eyes with Minho and asked, "What're you looking so smug for?"
"Tch, no reassson~" Minho smirked more.
Newt narrowed his eyes. "Whatever.. I got my ass wet now for no reason at all.. Great going there, ruining my day as usual-"
Minho chuckled and then you came back over, sliding to the floor with your linen dress up over your thighs to cover yourself for modesty but your knees were bare so the dress didn't get stained. "Look! Look!"
You opened your hands and showed Newt and Minho a little crested newt.
Newt raised his brows as he looked intrigued at the contents of your palms. "Wow, I've neer seen one of those guys up close, how'd you catch it?"
"Easy. Pretended I was its friend.." You trail off as you gently place the thing in Minho's hands so he could marvel at the creature before you continue speaking, "..and then I just-" you sprang at Newt and tackled him down into the grass again. "-striiiike!"
The two of you manage to tumble for a while before Newt grunts in the wet grass and Minho laughs at them both, the crested newt scuttling out of his hands and slipping through the wet grass, easily returning to its rightful place in the pond.
Newt groans and opens his eyes, his body feeling both warm from something on him and cold from the wet beneath him. But then it strikes him as his eyes adjust and laughing into his chest is you.
You're much more playful than he had imagined girls would be. No less someone he'd only just met. You were affectionate and crazy all in the best ways.
You giggle against him and then push yourself up, your body still on top of him but now you were grinning down at him with the most perfect sun halo behind your head.
You were stunning in this almost romantic moment.
And then Gally came over and had to ruin it. "Oi, new girl. Get off our second in command! You tryna pick fights already, take us down by getting someone like Newt on your side and dividing us!? Well, I know your game, bitch-"
You turn around. Sitting nonchalantly between Newt's legs as he rubbed his head and slowly began to get up as well. He protested but Gally was brutal and just told him to be quiet.
You raised your brow and said, "Woof."
"What? What the fuck did you just say!?" Gally was angry over nothing.
"WooF." You replied. Getting up from your pleasant seat by using Newt's knee to help you up.
Newt watched you move in a much different way than he'd seen you present yourself as so far. You seemed confident and dangerous as you meander serpentinely towards Gally.
Gally's lips quivered and his chest rose and fell faster to catch up with his heartbeat. His eyes and brows wobbling too as he didn't quite know how to respond.
"I said, 'Woof', because if you think I'm a bitch then I should act like one.. right?-" You take the strip of cloth from around his staff and tuck one end into his hand and then wrap the rest of it around your throat. Hard eye contact the entire time. "-If I'm such a bitch I should be on a leash, right? And I'd suppose you think you'd be the owner? You think you could hold responsibility over me, huh?" You are on your knees. Staring up at him warningly.
Gally's voice gets stuck in his throat. He buffers a moment, hand shaking with the fabric in his hand.
Newt and Minho behind you share a look and stand behind you in case this became worse than it already seemed. But you seemed to have everything under control... evidently.
"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? Not yet it doesn't~" You made a flat out inuendo and Minho had to bite his fist as he was impressed and trying not to laugh from your sass. "And if you think you can handle me, you're wrong~" You shuffle forward on your knees, towards Gally who almost falls over and while he stumbles, you trail one finger up from his shin, over his knees, missing out his hips, over his chest and then when he was holding his ground. Swallowing dryly...
...You said, "If anyone should be on a leash, it should be you, after all, you're just like every other man, a DOG to a Goddess like me~" Your hand was around his throat and his knees gave out. He stumbled down and you quickly rip the fabric from his hand and from your neck. You tie it in a bow around his neck as he trembled with confused rage and every other emotion he never thought he'd feel. You chuckle down at him and turn Minho and Newt around as you loop your arms through theirs and reluctantly, you got them to skip away with you.
~~3 Weeks Later~~
Alby had assigned you to being a Gardener and you were happy to be that. You were helpful in multiple fields however. Because you knew your stuff about plants you could help both medically and food-wise. It was an odd thing though... Because Alby was used to the guys only being able to stick to one lane. So you made a worthy aid to their group.
"Has anyone ever thought of climbing the ivy?" You asked and Newt quickly cut in,
"Yes. We have. People have. It doesn't reach all the way to the top. You can't climb above it. And anyway.. it changes too much for it to be possible to use them as paths.. Plus the Grievers." Newt trailed off. He seemed very defensive about that.
Your eyes narrow a little. "Uhhh huh. So, when you say 'people have tries before' you mean yourself, right?"
Newt laughs and shakes his head, "I'm second in command, not a Runner."
"Doesn't mean you haven't been one in the past." You said insightfully as you use the tough fibres of Old Man's Beard clematis vines to tie up some new bean poles for the fresh veg to use as trailing frames.
Newt opens his mouth then closes it again. Minho said, "You're pretty clever, you know for someone who barely remembers their name."
"Well.. I don't know how the amnesia thing works.. Definitely selective. Plus.. You ever think about what you were before this?" You asked them, seemingly having forgotten about Newt being a potential Runner.
"Duh, of course!" Minho laughs. "It's not that easy though... Can't just 'unlock' a new memory.. this isn't some video game!"
"Yeah I know.. But when I sleep I have like... dreams which seem like memories, ya know?" You asked them as you fastened the fibres with a sailor's knot but quickly pull your hand back to yourself as you realise you were hurt.
The fibres slit your finger and a bubble of blood spit from the wound. "Awh ow." You say blandly.
Minho and Newt expected you to cry, that's what girls did, right?
You shrugged and sucked the blood. Continuing your work just without that finger or using it less so.
Minho and Newt share a look.
"Are you sure you're a girl?" Minho asked.
"Pfft what you mean-" You playfully grab your breasts and wobble them around. "-these don't look real to you, huh? HUHHH?!"
You chase Minho around the bean poles with your boobs in your hands. It was ridiculous and it actually made Newt laugh.
Newt burst out in a flurry of laughter. He had to hold onto a nearby branch to steady himself as he laughed so hard and wiped tears of joy from his eyes. "Oh my God, you guys are idiots!"
Minho pauses his running only for you to catch up and wobble your boobs at him as he stared at Newt who could hardly breathe as he laughed at your actions.
"Girl, boy or whatever.. You're an idiot and you as well Minho! Hahaha you're such idiots!" Newt laughed, pointing at you both.
You and Minho look between one another and letting go of your breasts you then mumble, "You know actually I might hold them more often.. keeps 'em warm.." You nod dumbly to yourself.
Minho laughs at you and elbows you with a nod, gesturing you follow his lead.
You follow Minho to Newt's side and he says, "Hey, Newt. Takes one to know one. Seriously, if you hang out with us, you're no better than us-"
"Yeah, we're all idiots togetherrr!" You nudge Newt and snort at how Minho was looking at you so fondly but stupidly at the same time.
Newt nods and agrees.
Later that day when you, Newt and Gally were tasked with gathering a lot of fire wood since this was cooler than the usual -- Gally only agreed because he was the strongest and knew he could provide for the group; a branch fell from the canopy of an old Ash tree and you were beneath the tree at the time, humming away, in your own little world.
Newt noticed the branch cracking and said, "GIRL, WATCH OUT-" He tried to run to you but you saw his limp. You narrowed your eyes and Gally ran at you, grabbing you by the waist and helping you from harm.
He roughly threw you away from him when you went to thank him. The truth was, he felt some kind of attraction and just couldn't handle that so he threw you in Newt's general direction.
Gally huffed and picked up all the wood they'd collected and you drag the branch as if it were a trophy behind you, struggling through the forest back to the camp. Newt chuckling at your persistence with the damn thing.
"I'm glad you're okay but why're you bringing this with us? We have plenty of wood-" Newt stated.
"Exactly. More the merrier. Plus... I'm the one victorious and deserve to murder it the way it would have murdered me~" You skip a little more and then fall on your face with the branch having snagged on something.
Newt's brow twitched, "Right.. Are you okay? Need a hand?"
But what he hadn't expected was to see your eyes all teary when you looked up into his. His eyes softened, features in tow. "Wh-what? Did it hurt?.."
You shook your head and asked in the softest, most kind voice Newt thinks he's ever heard anyone speak, "Are you okay?"
He looked at you puzzledly. "Yeaaaaahhh...? Why're you concerned with me, you're the one who nearly died and just fell over-"
He was cut off when you hugged onto him for a moment.
He just stood there even as you let go. You then stomp past him, dragging your branch and nearly knocking him over with the fraying ends.
He chuckled slightly at your determination to get the thing back to camp but then looked down at his hands. They were chapped and slightly dirty from the stick gathering.
Newt returned to the group not long before you. He passed you as you heaved your thick stick and after finally haulling it to the campfire you collapsed on a log and just stayed there for a while as you caught your breath.
After the guys got the fire lit and used your fancy branch as the centrepiece of the fire, with your consented thumbs up but not bothering to look up, they chuckled, of course.
You lay on your front there and Newt and Frypan sat across the other side of the fire as they ate the food that Frypan had cooked earlier for the group. Minho went to you and gave you a dish of your share.
You moved over to dig in with him. Both chattering and laughing together.
"Sooo... Girl.. The only girl and I'm pretty sure no one hates her. Not even Gally!" Frypan began suggestively.
"What? Oh.. Right, yeah.. Well, I wouldn't say that yet. Gally saved her life a minute ago but then he practically THREW her at me!" Newt chuckled.
"He saved her? You're missing that quickly there, Newt. Gally doesn't save people! That's a huge deal!" Frypan laughs as he nudges his fellow gossiper.
"Yeah, I guess. Say, what are your thoughts on her? She's a little odd.. right?" Newt asked Frypan curiously.
"Me? Pfft, I think she's well fit!" Frypan said unapologetically.
Newt snorted at Frypan's response and said, "Yeah? What do you like about her?"
"She's crazy man.. Like in a good way of course. She knows about new flavours and herbs I never knew were edible around here! I mean, we have wild garlic and cheese parcels because of her now! They are such nutritious little snacks, who would've thought!?" Frypan smiled. "She's intelligent.. She's ambitious, pulled that fuckin' stick outta the woods without help, I mean! Stubborn but that's cool.. Hmm.. Oh and dude, she stands up to Gally like a pro!"
"Yeah.. I can understand all those points. You're right about the latter, she's really loyal... Even if she seems promiscuous about stuff.. Hahaha... Shame she can't remember her name yet.. I wanna know who she is with a name.." Newt mumbled the last part somewhat selfishly.
Frypan raised a brow and said, "Ohhhh... I'll step back man.. You two seem to have great chemistry anyway.. She hangs out with you more than anyone anyway.. Well, you and Minho, I s'pose."
"What? What do you mean you'll 'step back'?" Newt was confused.
"You know.. You're into her, aren't you?" Frypan seemed to know.
"What?? Where'd you get that idea from?! I like her as a... friend. Sure." He couldn't find the right word. Nor did Newt deny it right away which only confirmed Frypan's intuitions.
Frypan smirked, "Yeah sure, whatever you say, man.. Anyway, if you don't make a move soon, pretty sure just about every other guy has their eye on her, too-"
"Shouldn't be too worried about that.. Looks like Minho beat everyone to it." Newt shrugged.
There was something of a knowing, hurt look to Newt's eyes that you caught from across the fire in the flicker of the moment that Minho had told you you were beautiful.
"One second, sorry, Minho.. I feel something coming on..." You stand up.
"'Something coming on', what're you going on about?" Minho asked you quizzically, confusedly.
"You're beautiful too, by the way, Minho." You told him unashamedly.
A few of the guys nearby making 'ooo's at your comment.
"Hey have you guys sang songs around this campfire before? I feel like it's right.. to.. you know?" You asked them.
Gally looked at you like you were his next punching bag. Whereas Alby said, "We have had a few parties when there are newcomers from the box... But we couldn't when you arrived because of the rain." He input, satiating your mind.
"Hmm.. Thanks Alby, glad someone is willing to teach me something." You smiled at the leader then pull the lower lid of your eye down and poke your tongue out at Gally who clicks his knuckles angrily at you in warning.
"There's blood on the side of the mountain
There's writing all over the wall
Shadows of us are still dancin'
In every room and every hall..."
It started as a soft whisper of lyrics amongst the crackles of the fire and the chatter of guys. But then as your words progressed like an anecdote, the guys quiet down and heads turned as you sang:
"There's snow fallin' over the city
You thought that it would wash away
The bitter taste of my fury
And all of the messes you made
Yeah, you think that you got away...
But I'm in the trees, I'm in the breeze
My footsteps on the ground
You'll see my face in every place
But you can't catch me now
Through wading grass, the months will pass
You'll feel it all around
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere
But you can't catch me now
No, you can't catch me now..."
And your voice was like silk. The smoothest they'd ever heard you... With such a sorrowful and loving kind expression to your features... Exquisitely outlined by the flames that flicker behind you. Your skin a radiant glow and the moonlight above you only echoing the faint silhouette of you in your element.
"Bet you thought I'd never do it
Thought it'd go over my head...
I bet you figured I'd pass with the winter
Be somethin' easy to forget
Oh, you think I'm gone 'cause I left"
Now, with your chorus becoming more increased, more to the point.. your wrists twist and dance like that of a Bollywood dancer. Your feet precise as you step with elegance through the grass and danced through the sand around the fire. Flickers and embers narrowly missing your beautiful figure.
"But I'm in the trees, I'm in the breeze
My footsteps on the ground...
You'll see my face in every place
But you can't catch me now..
Through wading grass, the months will pass
You'll feel it all around...
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere
But you can't catch me now
No, you can't catch me now!
Ooh oooh.
Ooh ooooh."
Each 'ooh' became louder and your body would react with your song. You moved and swayed and spasmed with the heartwrenching feelings behind your tone.
Newt watched you with such awe. He'd never seen someone feel songs so deeply as you did. It was as if he could see your words vibrate through your very being. You are exquisite.
"Ooh ooh.
Ooh ooooOH.
You can't, you can't catch me now
I'm comin' like a storm into your town
You can't, you can't catch me now
I'm higher than the hopes that you brought down!
You can't, you can't catch me now
I'm comin' like a storm into your town
You can't, you can't catch me now
I'm higher than the hopes that you brought down!
You can't, you can't catch me now
I'm comin' like a storm into your town
You can't, you can't catch me now
You can't, you can't, you can't-"
And you take a breath. It's deep and long but then you end your lyrics through the silence denting the Glade.
"There's blood on the side of the mountain..
It's turning a new shade of red...
Yeah, sometimes the fire you founded-
-Don't burn the way you'd expect..
Yeah, you thought that this was the end~"
With that you looked gently, wisely, knowingly at Newt in the dim light. The flickers dance across your frame excellently in the dark of this night as the guys all clap and holler at how amazing you were. Your voice, your dancing, your everything.
You smiled and thanked them.
Alby sent everyone to bed but you stayed with Newt for a bit. Alby allowed it and went to bed himself, having to preoccupy Gally who asked a lot of questions as to why you and Newt could stay at the fire longer than the others.
After a long moment of silence, Newt asked, "Who told you? Someone must have told you.. Who was it? I promise I won't get mad.. Please just tell me-"
"No one told me.." You said as you gazed into the fire.
Another silence.
"I liked your singing by the way.. You're good.. I wonder if that was what you did before you were here.." Newt said, trying to divert the conversation but you brought it right back.
"I've seen into those same eyes before. The eyes of someone who's been there. The edge of it all. Who tried. Who failed and hasn't tried again.. Possibly due to friends helping.. possibly due to your inability to run. You've got a limp." You pointed out.
He looked down at his leg abysmally as you continued.
"Your palms are always dirty and chapped. You don't look after yourself as much as you should-"
"You picked up on that too? You really are observant.." Newt said with a shaky exhale. "They're ugly hands I know-"
"No.. They're hard working hands. Hands that show you still make an effort." You said as you slipped your fingers under his palm and tipped his hand over.
With his palm facing up, you gently placed the back of his hand on your knee as you examine his skin in closer proximity.
He let you.
he just watched and he let you.
Tears felt as if to sting in the corners of his eyes.
He'd never been so accepted. So loved as this.
"These are the hands, the eyes, the mind and personality of someone who just wants their place. Their freedom. Their own slice of this life. I understand... because, I think I've been where you were... I've seen those eyes in my reflection, wherever I go. It's the same. And it's hard to feel anything for ages. I know.. I still am.. this way.. I just.. smile so no one sees the pain." You admit.
Newt's taken aback. "You.. you understand?" He asked.
"I understand, Newt." You tell him and his hand twitched. "I'll pick some dillweed tomorrow and have Jeff help patch your fingers up. They won't sting so much. Dilweed is a parsely family plant.. it's good in medicines and food." You shrug.
Newt nods, trusting your judgement. "You... Can you.. will you-"
You carefully turn until your knees are beside him and you gently ease him towards yourself to hold him as he sobbed uncontrollably long into the night.
It had been so long since he had felt free enough to speak about his suicide attempt. Even if it wasn't fully said. He knew you knew enough to know he needed this. He needed someone like yourself to just accept him. To hold him.
To show him he was loved.