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“Okay, baby bear. Let’s get you some milk before we head to bed, sound good?”
The little frowned and shook his head, clutching his Barbie close to his chest. “No bed, Dada. Play.”
Eddie smiled warmly, more than used to this argument. “We’ve played lots today already, buddy, and we can play again all day tomorrow if you want. But first we have to get a good nights rest, okay?”
Steve still looked unsure, his free hand fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. “Barbie, sleepy?” He asked softly.
Eddie chuckled, “I’m sure Barbie is very tired, baby. We can even tuck her in before we lay down; how does that sound?”
The little looks down at his doll, reverently brushing her hair out of her face. “I put Barbie to bed like Dada?”
“What do you mean by that, Stevie?”
“Do bed like Dada does. Give Barbie milks and a story and brush teeths and do PJs. Then sings to her and pet her hair til she goes sleep.”
Eddie fights to keep his eyes from watering. It had taken a while to build a night routine with Steve that worked. He needed a long and consistent wind down to keep the anxiety about his nightmares at bay. The fact that not only had this routine worked but Steve knew it well enough to repeat it in reference to his favourite toy? Eddies heart felt so full it could burst. He put a hand on his baby’s cheek.
“Oh baby boy, look at you go remembering all your bedtime steps. I’m so proud of you.”
Steve furrows his brow, somehow confused. “Don’t have bottle for Barbie. Or a toofbrush.”
“Barbie doesn’t need a bottle, baby. She’s a big girl like dada. How about we just pretend she’s already brushed her teeth and tuck her right into bed, okay?”
“She be okay? No nightmares?”
“No, little one. She’ll be just fine, I promise.”
“You gotta kiss 'em away, Dada, with your magic. Okay?”
Eddie smiled and agreed, glancing at the clock on the wall. If they wanted to stay on schedule Eddie really needed to start putting Steve to bed now.
“How about you get Barbie all cleaned up and tucked in while I make your bottle and then we’ll both kiss away the bad dreams before she falls asleep. Sound good, buddy?”
“Okay, Dada.”
“You want it warm, baby?”
“Yes, pease.”
“Vanilla and cinnamon?”
“‘Nilla!” Steve smiled brightly up at his caregiver, the uninhibited kind of smile Eddie rarely saw outside of regression time. He ruffled the littles hair.
“Okay, love. Be back in just a sec”
Eddie came back into the room to find Steve sat on the floor in front of his dollhouse. His Barbie is dressed in a silky long-sleeved pajama set with a crochet square Robin made draped over her like a blanket. The little is gently petting her forehead and humming something Eddie is pretty sure is Madonna.
He sets the warm bottle on the coffee table and walks to stand behind Steve, putting a hand on his shoulder. The younger boy turns to look up at him. “Shhh, Dada gonna wake her up.”
Eddie drops his voice and squats down next to him. “I think it’s time for good night kisses, little bear.”
They both kissed the doll on her tiny plastic forehead, and Steve smiled with the sense of simple satisfaction only a child could have. “I love you, Barbie bear”
Eddie sucks in his tears for the second time that night. Steve had started calling Eddie “t-eddie bear” as a joke when Wayne had exposed the childhood nickname at dinner one night. It had always been a cute inside joke, something Steve called him when he was being sweet yet annoying. Until the first time Steve regressed in front of Eddie. He had curled around the older boy after a nightmare and whispered about his “Eddie bear.” It was Eddie's first title as a caregiver and, for a long time, his only title until Steve felt comfortable enough to drop so young he’d picked up “dada.” So he was Eddie bear and Steve was Stevie or baby bear, titles only used inside of little and caregiver headspace. Now, it seems that little Stevie had given a similar title to his beloved Barbie.
It’s too adorable. Eddie needs to sit down.
Focus, Munson. There’s a bedtime routine to follow.
“Seems like your little bear is fast asleep, Stevie. Why doesn’t my little bear come here and have his milk, hmm?” He invited softly, walking over to the couch and holding up the light green bottle for Steve to see.
“Special milk?”
“Yeah baby, warm vanilla sugar magic just for you.” Eddie sat on the floor, and Steve crawled into his lap, letting his legs relax to the side and steadying himself by throwing his arms around the older boy's neck.
When Eddie tried to hand him the bottle, the little nuzzled into his caregiver's shoulder instead. “C'mon, little one, you gotta drink your milk.”
“Mm mm. Can’t.”
Eddie frowned, looking the little boy in his arms over for a cause for such sudden discomfort. “You can’t? Does your tummy hurt? Do you have to pee, buddy?”
Steve shook his head, sleepy frustration beginning to take over as he fussed. “No! Can’t! Dada do it... please” he whined.
“Me? But- oh. Oh, I see. You want me to give you your bottle?”
The little nodded, still hiding his face in Eddie’s shirt.
“‘M sorry. Feel too small.”
Eddie’s heart clenched as he tried his best to rub Steve’s back soothingly. “Oh my perfect, sweet thing, no need to be sorry. Thank you for telling me what you need; I’m so proud of you. Now let me see that cute little face, won’t you?”
Steve lifted his head from Eddie’s shoulder with a shy smile. Eddie used his left hand to position the boy’s head and neck and held up the bottle with his right. The little latched on immediately, closing his eyes. Eddie couldn’t help but coo over him as he happily drained his bottle and then resumed his position, nuzzled into his caregiver's shirt.
“Okay baby, time to brush our teeth.”
Steve whimpered, his grip on Eddie’s shirt tightening. Eddie shushed the little gently and tried to reassure him. “I know you’re extra tiny today, bear. I’ll set you up on the counter and do it for you, okay?” He felt a nod against his collarbone.
He carried Steve upstairs to his ensuite, holding him bridal-style. Somehow, he manages to get the half-asleep baby to sit up on the lip of the bathroom sink. The little is quiet and compliant, allowing his mouth to be held open as Eddie tries his best to brush his teeth for him. Once that was done, Eddie tried to get Steve to walk over to the bed while he collected his pajamas, but his knees buckled when his feet hit the ground, so Eddie carried him again.
“My poor sweet baby.” He coos as Steve fusses through his nighttime change. “Shhh, I know, I know, Little Star. Tiny babies like you just want to go to sleep, and big mean Dadas like me have so many silly steps.”
Eddie gives him his pacifier, secures the clip to the collar of his onesie, and leaves the little on the bed while he gets himself ready to sleep. By the time he returned, Steve had scooted up to the headboard and curled around his favourite stuffed bear. For a moment, Eddie thinks he may have fallen asleep already, but his eyes blink openly slowly as he hears his caregiver approach.
Steve doesn’t say anything, just whines loudly, grabby hands reaching for his Eddie bear.
“Hey there, little cub. Don’t worry, I’m coming. Dada’s here.”
He lays down on his back and slips an arm under Steve before pulling him into his side. Steve melts into Eddie’s side, head resting comfortably against his chest as a hand plays with one of Eddies loose curls. Eddie is pretty sure Steve is too far down into babyspace to really understand what he’s saying, but he continues with their routine as he normally would.
He tells the story of a daddy bear and his silly little cub and how they fished in the stream and played in the wildflowers. How now it was time for the bears to curl up in their warm little cave and have sweet bear dreams. Usually he would include some kind of conflict (he is nothing if not a thorough storyteller) but he’s pretty sure Steve is already asleep.
He presses his nose to the golden brown hair under his chin and recites the promise he makes to Steve every night he regresses.
“As long as I’m here, you are safe. I will never let anything hurt my little Stevie. Never ever ever. So with this magic kiss, I push away any bad dreams or scary thoughts so that my baby bear has a good night's sleep.”
He punctuates it with a loud, silly kiss to the crown of Steve’s head. Usually, this makes the little giggle, but tonight it only earns him a contented sigh.
The final step to their bedtime routine is a song. Tonight, Eddie chooses “True Colors.” It’s something he’d never admit to listening to in the light of day, but the melody makes a good lullaby and he knows big Steve likes it.
“You with your sad eyes, don’t be discouraged, girl you realize-”
Damn, this song is kind of sad. Eddie skips to the chorus.
“I see your true colors shining through.
I see your true colors, and that’s why I love you so don’t be afraid to let it show.
Your true colors. True colors.”
He feels Steve’s hand on his chest begin to relax, the last of the waking tension in his muscles melting into the mattress.
“Are beautiful like a rainbow”
Steve’s breath is slow, and the bobbing of his pacifier slows down to match. Eddie smiles, letting out a contented sigh of his own.
“Eddie bear loves you so much, baby bear. Sweet dreams.”