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“I hate you… I-I…” Nathan sputtered, attempting to drag himself upwards. “I hate you. You ruined… You ruined everything– I hate…”
It wasn’t long before the atmosphere had grown solemn. Scattered lanterns were the only object to produce any light; the dim lighting barely accentuating the pair’s features. Peng stared back in silence, his eyes like sharp daggers; yet stayed full of nothing but despair. As if the whole world could feel it, the breeze had halted and the air became thick without a pursuit. He had heard this same line a million times. If there was ever a moment he and Nathan could be together now, he would remind him over, and over, and over. Nathan’s hate for Peng was almost like his oxygen.
It wasn’t always that they encountered one another in one of these ‘rounds’, but any sight of Nathan left a searing imprint on his mind. Even with time to move on, these burns would still scar for a long time, and possibly even forever. Their interactions were like clockwork. There was absolutely no emotion in these meetings: all that prevailed was a need to remind each other just how much they could not live on without their other-self knowing their own regret.
Glancing downwards as Peng began to feel his jacket tug, Nathan clutched tightly with his hands. His fists were bloodied, and curled firmly into fists. “I hate you…” In retaliation, he raised his weapon to Nathan’s face and never once looked away as the bodyguard flinched. He flinched at the searing heat, swiftly pulling his face away from Peng as well as averting his gaze.
“I just… I don't understand…” Nathan’s voice was strained, and his brows furrowed as he continued to think. “Why…? You… I hate– I hate you. I hate you, Peng.”
“But you do not actually.” Speaking up for the first time, Peng’s voice was scratchy, metallic, and faulty at times. There was no essence of human in it, let alone any amount of readable tone: it was a lifeless and cold voice. One not even Peng could recognise as his own.
Instantly, Nathan swung his head around and glared up into Peng’s eyes: seething with anger. “You– You don’t get to decide that for me,” he looked downwards and let his calloused hands rest, sitting idly to his sides. “I– I hate you… I really do.”
Peng is faulty. Peng is an android. The human emotions he once felt had been mostly disposed of. But even now, he could see straight through Nathan. Everything he told him was false. All the words spat at him were plain lies. Deep down, he knew Nathan didn't hate him, and he knew because Peng didn't hate Nathan, either.
“Why do you hate me?”
Abruptly, a heavy huff left Nathan's lips. His eyes widened, and he stared at Peng in disbelief.
“Why– Are you serious?” he tensed. “Why do I hate you? You killed her dad. You killed him– You… God.”
Peng furrowed his brow in response, “But I did not kill you. Why does that make you hate me?”
For such a stupid question, the element of confusion was clearly present in Peng’s question. Even with the monotony of his voice, this was not a time either of them would joke.
This mutual hatred was a genuine unknown feeling for Peng. He knew it existed, but somewhere along the line he had forgotten the full narrative with time.
The pair stood in silence. It was only them left in this round. There was nobody here to watch the two tear into each other's past wounds, ripping the stitches as if they didn't take years to heal. Maybe it was better this way. Just like how the both of them had dealt with everything leading up to this moment: by themselves. Everything about the past had been so repressed. No one knew the depths of their mind better than themselves, and that's exactly why the pair could so easily understand each other despite the thin glass wall between them.
“...I don't know,” Nathan answered honestly. His eyes wavered and failed to keep competent contact with Peng’s. There was a sense of shame, and a sheepish attitude in this hardy bodyguard. “You murdered…! You killed someone. I don't know– That makes you dangerous, Peng!”
“You killed me too.”
Backing ever so slightly away from Peng, Nathan tensed up at the reminder.
“I thought you would have remembered.” Peng continued to stare down at the other. “You did not hesitate when you took an axe to my body. I did not hurt you, Nathan, but you hurt me.”
“So– So what..? I… I had to. It was self-defence!”
“Self-defence?” He wanted to laugh at how outrageous this claim was, but Peng still kept that stern expression on his face. “I begged you not to. You were the one who could not listen to me. I told you, over and over, but was that not enough?”
It fell silent again.
“You felt guilty, so you tried to bring me back to life. You felt guilty, so you tried to understand why I did what I did. Did you ever think about what you were doing while you got your hands dirty with my blood, and my wires, cords, and modules?” Peng paused. “You were the first thing I saw, I was born anew and the first person I saw was you.”
“Shut up! Shut up…” Clenching his jaw, Nathan brought himself closer to Peng rather rashly. “Why does that matter? I– Yes I did do that, I…”
“You killed me, Nathan. If you truly think me a murderer–”
Agitation was culminating swiftly, and Nathan hit his fist on Peng’s sturdy chest, cutting him off before he could finish. “Because you are a murderer!”
“Nathan.” He placed a firm grip on Nathan's wrist, pushing it away. “Why would you try to bring a dangerous machine back to life? You say you hate me because I am a murderer… And yet, you tried to bring that murderer back? Why?”
Turning his head to the side, Nathan shut his eyes tight in an attempt to escape this confrontation. His face contorted into a grimace and his discomposure was becoming clearer. A part of him almost wished Peng would just slice into him right now. Sooner, rather than later. The pain of a slow death might be better than this. Whatever this was.
“I trusted you, Nathan.” Despite quite the heartfelt confession, Peng spoke with a detached tone in his voice. “When I saw you again, it felt like everything might be okay. But then you left me. You promised me. I believed you–”
“Just shut up!” Nathan could, and would not turn to face him. “You don't even know what you're talking about… You're just… You're just meant to be a robot. I– I should've never promised… something like you.” His words began to stutter, and his throat began to well up: this confrontation seemed to be upsetting Nathan even more so than Peng himself.
On the other side, there was a pang of betrayal deep within Peng. After every attempt to turn him into this cold, killing machine; no matter how much he was tampered with, his inner systems almost always seemed to coil in itself every time someone reminded him of what he is. A measly robot, one that can never foster human adoration. A pit grew in his artificial stomach, and his non-existing heart would skip a beat once or twice. Strangely, he did not feel any anger towards Nathan for saying this; but only a deep sadness. Nathan was right, he could never be seen as human, not anymore.
“I regret trusting you, too.” His eyes faltered for the first time. “You say I am just a robot, but remorse eats and gnaws at me everyday. I feel no less passion then you do for me, even if that… passion, is hatred, on your side.”
There was no response.
“...You are what made me human, Nathan. You gave me a heart, and then you stopped it. You tried to put it back together, but I could never bring it back to you the same. It could have been simple if it were just shattered glass; we could purchase another one.” Peng paused, and in his silence, it was clear Nathan's breath had become shallow. “When you say you hate me, I feel nothing. When you say it over, and over: it almost makes me feel something. However, you will forever be correct that I am just a robot. Maybe that is why my emotions fail me now.”
“Why do you— You can stop talking, Peng.” There was an attempt to look Peng in the eyes. “It's not like– ha… It's not like we can go back, and change that mess.”
Peng laughed. “Is that what you think I was trying to do? Why do humans have to be so complicated? Why can't you just understand–”
“Because I hate you.” Nathan harshly retracted his wrist, and quickly returned his grip to Peng’s jacket. He lifted himself slightly off the ground to meet Peng’s height, and peered into his gaze. “...and I– I always will.”
The air became thick with tension, once more. No matter how much Peng tried to converse civilly with Nathan, their discussions would always run in circles. It's a vicious cycle of hate, and a bittersweet reminder of the past that would always come back to haunt the both of them. Both the good, and the bad. This pain is the only thing they have in common anymore, it's the only thing that can keep them near to each other.
Peng wondered.
If Nathan stopped hating Peng, would he forget about him? Their eyes locked and discomfort grew between their closeness. Could Nathan really forget about him? Nathan looked away again, unable to hold still. What if this passion is what keeps him going? Perhaps, if Nathan moved on from Peng, he would just be an afterthought to him. He wouldn't be anything to him anymore.
The round would end soon.
As the two continued to stare in silence, Peng’s thoughts gripped him hard. There was a blooming of ideas in his mind.
In a split second decision, he raised his arm and pierced with a sense of purpose. His target? Right where Nathan's heart sat. Peng was familiar with these rounds, he knew this wouldn't be the end for him: this motivation came from another source. Upon feeling the searing pain, Nathan doubled over and clutched his stomach as he groaned in pain.
How pathetic. He would always be a human. He would always stagger in the face of danger.
Peng wanted him to die.
Well, not die, per se but he needed this to end. He needed to give Nathan more reasons to despise his guts. He wondered if Nathan would even recount this the next time they'd meet.
Because if Nathan hated Peng, then he would never leave his memory. He would never forget him. They would never lose this special thing connecting them. It was a vicious cycle, it ate at Peng and Nathan both the same: but a deep selfish urge within the android told him this was right. He could not let Nathan go like he did so easily to Peng.
Raising his leg above Nathan’s weak body, he felt as if he were a predator that had finally caught his prey. Everything he did felt hazy and haphazard, and he wished he could stop: but he couldn't. Peng was too far gone by now. He stomped down hard on Nathan’s chest, eliciting another groan of suffering from the man beneath him.
The round would end soon, very soon. Nathan was on his last breaths, at least, just for this occasion.
“I apologise, Nathan.” Peng uttered one more time before it would truly be lights out for them both. “Please, never stop hating me. Keep this specific image of me in your mind. Keep her and yourself safe.”
Nathan stared up with meek eyes, his vision hazy and his breath slowing. There was no physical way for him to speak at this point.
He could only stare upwards until he finally stopped.
Then, they would do this again, and again.