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Dying hurt, but only for a moment. When Xie Ying Luo opened her eyes again, the pain was gone and she stood upright once more on the banks of a wide river shrouded in mist, completely and utterly alone.
Well, not quite. Not far away, a boat was tied to a rickety wooden dock, presided over by a ferryman with a long wooden pole, presumably waiting for their next customer. Between the persistent mist and the long black cloak and mask shrouding the figure from head to foot, there was no hint of age or gender--only an anonymous, misshapen lump devoid of any identity and utterly indifferent to her presence.
Xie glanced around, rapidly assessing her surroundings. Behind her, there was nothing but a flat, barren plain, shrouded in mist; before her, nothing but the equally vast and empty river stretching out as far as the eye could see, until it, too, was swallowed up by the mist. There was nothing but the boat, the ferryman, and Xie herself, and, not liking the looks of the plain (which reminded her too much of the Wasteland of Spirits for comfort), Xie decided investigating the boat was the best approach.
The ferryman didn't look up as Xie drew closer, forcing her to make the first move. "Hey, you there! Can you take me across?"
Silently and with surprising grace, the hooded figure rose, and held out a single black-gloved hand. It took Xie a moment to realize they were demanding payment, which was a problem because she didn't have any money on her. After a moment's hesitation, she solved the problem by transforming six of her scorpions into the illusion of golden coins, pouring them out in lieu of more accepted currency.
If the ferryman realized they'd been cheated, they didn't acknowledge it. The coins vanished in a voluminous black sleeve and they gestured for Xie to board. Xie did, wobbling as the boat tipped and rocked beneath the added weight, before settling down for the ride.
The ferryman pushed off with their oar, and they slid out into the river, the shoreline quickly vanishing until there was nothing left but mist and water in every direction. Just as before, there was nothing but the tiny wooden boat bobbing gently on the surface and the steady strokes of the ferryman pushing them onward, and Xie herself, crouched in the bow and wondering what awaited them on the far side.
She did not ask and the ferryman volunteered no answers. The boat glided silently through the mist, each of them lost in their own thoughts.
Time passed, though how much was impossible to tell in this place. The ferryman rowed and rowed, and yet there was no sign of their destination--they might as well have been frozen in place for all Xie Ying Luo.
"Uh," she said eventually, craning her neck to study the ferryman in standing upright in the stern. "Excuse me, but--how long until we get there?"
Her words were muffled, swallowed up by the mist; she might as well not have spoken. Inscrutable and implacable as ever, the ferryman kept rowing, ignoring their passenger completely.
Xie began to get annoyed. "Hello? Anyone home? Are you listening to me--"
Silence.
"Hey, listen! I'm talking to you!"
No response.
Xie Ying Luo's patience, already stretched to the breaking point, snapped abruptly, all of her built-up tension and anxiety of her situation lashing out at the only other person present. How dare this ignorant peasant treat her like this?
She fumbled for her sword, and yes, there was Tu Mi Shi in its familiar place at her waist, though it had been shattered by Shang Bu Huan before she died and been mysteriously resurrected just like Xie Ying Luo herself. But there was no time to ponder such mysteries--she was already lunging for the hooded figure, determined to wrest an answer by force.
The boat rocked at the abrupt shift in weight and Xie overbalanced and fell. Her sword slammed into the bottom of the boat, breaking it apart in a shower of sparks and splinters, and she was swallowed up by the cold dark water before everything went black.
***
Dying hurt, but only for a moment. When Xie Ying Luo opened her eyes again, the pain was gone and she stood upright once more on the banks of a wide river shrouded in mist, completely and utterly alone--with no sign that anything had ever happened.
This time, she paid the indifferent ferryman in scorpion coins, and bided her time until they were out on the river, but to no avail. This time, when she attacked, the ferryman dodged neatly, and the boat flipped over, tossing them both into the water to their deaths.
***
Dying hurt, but only for a moment. This time, when Xie Ying Luo woke, she was furious--and grimly prepared to do whatever was necessary to escape from whatever trap she was ensnared in.
She tested all the ways she knew for detecting and defeating illusions, to no avail. She turned away from the river into the plains, quickly becoming disoriented and wandering in a dehydrated daze until she keeled over from exhaustion and thirst. She tried overwhelming the ferryman with her scorpions (and failed) and by making a bridge of scorpions to cross (and failed). She tried stealing the boat (and failed) and tried swimming the river on her own (and failed), again and again to no avail. She tried arguing, begging, pleading with the ferryman, who responded only to payment, and never with words, and yet they never reached the far shore before her patience ran out and she was forced to start over.
She lost track of how many iterations she lived and died through, but it didn't matter--she was trapped in this awful place with no way out and no hope of escape and no matter what she did, there was no end to it.
This is my punishment for all the sins I committed in life, and I deserve it, Xie Ying Luo thought, and the resulting despair only made her struggle harder to avoid her inevitable fate while never changing the outcome.
***
Finally, she lay huddled on the wooden floor of the boat, too exhausted to move or protest, letting its motion rock her into the closest thing to sleep. Thus, she was acutely aware of the sudden pause in the ferryman's strokes and sat up to find them standing motionless in their usual place in the stern, as if waiting for something.
This had never happened before, not in any of the thousand cycles she had experienced, and yet she was so weary and broken that the unexpected variation was especially cruel. What was she supposed to do with this that she hadn't already done so many times?
A sob broke from her lips and tears streamed down her face; her humiliation was complete. "What do you want from me?" Xie Ying Luo cried out to her tormentor. "Haven't I suffered enough yet?"
In response, the ferryman extended a black-gloved hand cradling six golden coins. The illusion vanished, and they were scorpions once more; their cover blown, they scuttled back to Xie's side and disappeared in a shower of purple sparks.
"You..." Xie said, unable to believe what she had just witnessed. "I'm sorry," she said at last, shame-faced and staring down at her feet. "I didn't have anything else to give you."
There was no response, not that she really expected any by this point. Still...
How had they seen through her illusions? If they knew the coins were fake, why had they accepted the toll to begin with instead of rejecting her at the docks? Who was this person, anyway?
On a hunch, Xie Ying Luo slowly, painstakingly crawled her way towards the ferryman, half-expecting disaster to strike at any moment and forcing her to start all over again. She was too worn out for anger now, armed only a dull certainty that felt almost inevitable, as if this too, had been fated from the beginning.
The ferryman didn't react as Xie rose to her feet and drew closer--nor did they flinch when she closed the gap at last and peeled back the shroud covering their face.
A torrent of hair spilled out, shockingly blonde and tied back in a series of familiar buns, and Xie Ying Luo gasped at the sight of her own face staring back at her, like a reflection in the mirror or one of her own illusions gazing back at her.
She'd fought so hard against the ferryman, imagining it as her tormentor even though they had never tried to harm her. No wonder it had never worked--in the end, she'd been fighting herself the whole time. Before she died the first time back in Dong Li, she'd vowed to turn over a new leaf and start over--only to immediately fall back into her old, selfish habits, as if she had learned nothing from the experience--
With a sob, Xie lunged for the figure--this time, not to kill, but to embrace. This time, she finally connected--but instead of grasping solid flesh, the other Xie Ying Luo dissolved into a shower of scorpions that swept over her, infusing her with their power as they returned once more to their source, the gap closed and the breach and divide healed at last.
When it was over, Xie Ying Luo stood alone once more in the boat, quiet save for the lapping of dark water and her own panting breaths. On the surface, nothing had changed, and yet she was filled with deep relief, knowing that the hardest part of her journey was finally behind her.
Her gaze fell on the wooden pole her other self had left behind--her ticket to freedom from this endless river crossing. Behind her lay the near shore and its endless cycles of pain and suffering--and with it, all the joys and pleasures of human life that she was so acutely familiar with it. Ahead of her, the far shore waited, free from those same cycles and their ups and downs and highs and lows, promising eternal respite.
Whatever happened now, whatever direction she chose, her fate was in her own hands. The only question was, what would she do with it?
Xie Ying Luo paused, pondering her options, but only for a moment. Then, without further hesitation, she picked up her pole and began to row with swift, solid strokes, like a blazing arrow towards her destination. .
***
The afternoon market was lively in this village, full of vendors crying out for customers to buy their wares and old ladies gossiping among themselves as they hunted for bargains in the mountains of produce for sale. There were so many children underfoot that Shang Bu Huan didn't register the one underfoot until she tripped and fell, crying out in fright and pain from the impact.
Without conscious thought, Shang knelt and reached out to help her up. "Are you all right--?" he started and stopped short as he registered her appearance.
The girl was maybe ten or so, dressed in simple peasant clothes, missing two of her front teeth, and two thick buns on either side of her head in a traditional style, the rest of her hair loose and dangling down her back. Her face was totally unfamiliar, and Shang couldn't escape the prickling sensation of deja vu as their eyes met, and he winced at the stab of pain through his left arm, the burning sensation as poison filled his veins, the stench of burning fabric and the mocking laughter--
"Uh, you okay there, mister?" the girl said uncertainly, as if Shang were the one with the problem.
Shang shook himself and forced his attention back to the matter at hand. "I'm fine," he said, which was true enough for now. "Come on, let's get you back on your feet."
The girl accepted his proffered hand and together, they both made it upright without further incident.
"Thanks, mister!" the girl exclaimed, showing off her gap-toothed smile. "It was my fault, I know should have been watching where I was going, but--"
"Eh, don't worry about it," Shang said. "This sort of thing happens all the time and it's no big deal--the most important thing is to keep getting up again no matter what, you got that? And if you can lend a hand to someone else, all the better. Remember that, okay?"
"Okay!" the girl said. "Take care, mister!"
With a wave, she turned and disappeared once more into the bustling market crowd. Shang watched her go, shaking his head in bemusement, though he wasn't certain whether at her or himself.
"My, my," a familiar voice drawled from behind him. "I turn my back for a single moment, and what do I find? The great and noble hero Sir Shang rescuing a maiden in distress."
"Knock it off, you," Shang Bu Huan said to Lin Xue Ya, but with no real heat to it. Still, he couldn't help rubbing at the wrist where Xie Ying Luo had stabbed him, though that injury had long since healed without even leaving a scar.
"Are you all right?" Lin said, eyeing Shang with considerable skepticism. "You look as though you've seen a ghost."
"It's nothing," Shang said. "Just for a moment, I thought I glimpsed an old acquaintance, that's all."
"Oh? Anyone I know?"
"Nope," Shang said firmly, because it was none of Lin's business and anyway, he didn't feel like explaining. "Just a passing fancy. Come on, we'd better get going."
All in all, it wasn't even a lie. The past was past, and there was no sense in bring it up now. If that child really was Xie Ying Luo, then she'd gotten the chance to start over that she'd so desperately wanted and Shang Bu Huan wished her all the best.