Chapter Text
[At Dr. Weird’s lab which has the roof fixed back on…]
A garage door opens revealing something shadowed as Dr. Weird and Steve look on.
Dr. Weird: “Gentlemen! I have genetically spliced the double helix of a fried pork chop with that of my roommate, Randall!”
The shaodwed figure crawls into the light, revealing a very digusting looking porkchop creature with limbs and a deformed face stratched out on it that makes muffled groans.
Steve: “Oh jeez… you really went that far. He only missed a couple payments…”
Dr. Weird: “Quiet Steve! Come here, Randall and pay your half of the utilities! Mwahahahaha!!”
Steve (going to the creature to drag him into a chamber): “I’m so sorry about this…”
At the Teens’ house, things were getting back to “normal”, or what passed for normal around there. It had been 3 months since the whole “Robotic Ghost” incident, and they hadn’t heard a peep from their regular alien adversaries. But Meatwad had grown restless. He had been asking endlessly about getting a pet puppy, kitty, or bunny for his birthday, or rather what he hypothesized was his birthday, as none of the Teens really knew when they were born. But regardless, Frylock had refused at first, thinking that Meatwad was too irresponsible for a pet, let alone what Shake would do to it. But Meatwad was persistent. He kept asking and pleading and begging towards Frylock, getting met with the same “no” answer. It seemed as though this cycle was going to go on forever, until one day…..
Shake: “Meatwad, your bunny rabbit showed up!”
He drags out onto the living room a very long box marked “Shipped from Australia”. Meatwad and Noodles come out to see it.
Meatwad (happily): “All right! Where is it?”
Noodles: “That’s a bunny? Sure looks… kinda long…”
Shake: “It’s from overseas.”
Meatwad: “Open it up! I wanna see, I wanna see!”
Shake: “And what do you think I am, some kind of slave? I do you the favor of bringing it in and you demand I do everything for you? Pathetic, I’m taking this back outside where I found it, for you !”
Meatwad: “No no please, bring it back, I’m sorry! I’m just excited… bring it back!”
Shake (dragging the box back in and opening it): “There you go!”
But inside the box, of course, was no rabbit. Instead what comes out is a very large boa serpent, or snake, for you laymen.
Meatwad (confused): “What’s this?”
Noodles: “Snake!!”
Meatwad: “A snake?”
Shake: “Yep! Happy Birthday, Meatwad! I got you the pet you always wanted!
Meatwad: “But… but I wanted a bunny rabbit…”
Shake: “Ahh, snake, rabbit, same thing, beggars can’t be choosers.”
Noodles: “Frylock, there’s a snake in the house!!”
Frylock (floating in): “Then just lure it into a shoebox and take it outside, garter snakes can’t hurt y-”
He sees the snake is absolutely not the typical garter snake that sneaks into the house at night.
Frylock: “What the Hell is this?? Shake, what did you bring in here, that’s a boa!”
Shake: “It’s Meatwad’s birthday present from me to him! And he should be grateful for it because it cost quite a lot!”
Frylock: “How did you buy this? What did you even use to order this, this isn’t something you can just find in any old pet store.”
Shake: “I called one of Noodles’s numbers, y’know one of them with the weird area code?”
Noodles: “What??”
Frylock: “Noodles…”
Noodles: “I had nothing to do with this, I didn’t want that, I thought he was just calling to buy a rabbit!”
Frylock: “We are sending this back, there is no way I’m letting this live in our house.”
Meatwad: “No, no, Frylock wait! Shake got me this, it ain’t no rabbit but I still want a pet, maybe this can work out, I know some people have snake pets.”
Shake: “At least I had the decency to get a nonpoisonous snake, also because those were way too expensive, believe me I looked at the catalogue…”
Frylock: “Meatwad, this is a snake, this ain’t no cute little creature this thing can be dangerous, also we can’t afford to keep it, we have to buy frozen rats for it and get a big tank and we don’t have that money!”
Meatwad: “Then we can just let it roam around, he’s part of the family now! Look look, I just came up with a name for it… I was thinkin’..... Nathan.”
Frylock: “Nathan?”
Meatwad: “Nathan Scott Phillips.”
Frylock: “Like the song?”
Meatwad: “That’s a song? I didn’t know that…”
Noodles: “That doesn’t sound like a good name for a snake… it’s just a guy’s name…”
Meatwad: “It’s my snake, I can name it what I want! And he looks like a Nathan Scott Phillips to me.”
He starts petting the snake’s snout while it just stares at him.
Frylock: “We are still getting rid of it.”
Noodles: “No, Frylock, wait! I can go and call them to take the snake back but Meatwad can still play with the snake as long as he doesn’t annoy it. Just so Meatwad isn’t upset”
Frylock: “What?”
Noodles leaves to her closet and comes back with a box of crafts. She takes out some pipe cleaner and bends it to the shape of rabbit ears and puts it around the snake’s neck.
Noodles: “There!”
Meatwad: “Wow, he looks even better now!”
Noodles leaves to make a call while Frylock looks on in confusion.
Shake: “Why are we even celebrating Meatwad’s birthday today anyway? It’s not his birthday! Last time we celebrated it on a Thursday!”
Frylock: “Just celebrate it whenever, Shake. As long as Meatwad can have fun.”
Shake: “Why don’t we celebrate mine?? My birthday could be tomorrow and we wouldn’t know that. Have you ever thought about that??”
Frylock: “Shut up, Shake. We’d be more inclined to celebrate your birthday if you actually did something of part in this house.”
Shake: “Oh, now we’re getting into semantics, huh?”
They continued to argue while Meatwad played with the snake, but it didn't really do much except shoot out its tongue and stare.
Meatwad: “...Man… Do you not like me? Come on Nathan Scott, why don’t you play basketball?”
Shake: “Cause he don’t got legs, jackass.”
Meatwad: “Aw man… that’s no fun… Rabbits have legs y’know… so they can hop around and stuff… why can’t he hop if he’s supposed to be a rabbit?”
Shake: “Hmm…. Oh I know just the thing! Maybe he’s not doing anything because he doesn’t properly feel like a rabbit!”
He departs and returns with a white sheet, some faux hair wigs painted white and some staplers.
Shake: “For starters he needs fur… bald creatures freak me out.”
Meatwad: “Ohhh, I get it.”
Shake (handing Meatwad all the materials, a devious plan in mind): “There you go! Look what we have here!”
Meatwad: “I can make some fur, shape some ears for him, and staple it all to his head.
Shake: “That’s the spirit! Then you'll be able to have your very own long bunny rabbit that you designed. It's your chance to play God!”
Frylock isn’t there at this moment to stop them so Meatwad takes the hair and sheet to staple them to the snake.
Meatwad: “Hold still, Nathan. This will only hurt once.”
Shake: “But damn will it hurt!”
Meatwad tries to staple a patch of the sheet covered in hair to Nathan’s neck but the snake, understandably not happy at the gesture, hisses loudly as he rears up and snaps his fangs on Meatwad’s head.
Meatwad: “...Oh…. you didn’t like that?”
Shake: “No of course he liked it! Look, he’s kissing you!”
Meatwad: “Oh, that’s nice! That's a deep kiss, too, like the Europeans.”
Shake: “The French have to unhinge their jaw to show love, he’s thanking you for the gift of life and for his new identity!”
Meatwad (as the fangs sink deeper into him): “Kind of feeling numb here. Is it supposed to really slow your breathing down like I'm kind of feeling?”
The snake starts to wrap around Meatwad as it begins to engulf him into its mouth.
Shake (departing in a hurry): “Alright well… you two have fun there, I’m gonna go get… more materials…”
Meatwad (completely unaware of the dire situation): “Well, come on, Nathan Scott Phillips. ….You good?”
Frylock is with Noodles to make sure the call goes through.
Frylock: “So is it done?”
Noodles: “I think so? Shake handled it so badly, they don’t even sell rabbits in that place…”
Frylock: “Well of course Noodles, Shake was being a nuisance, as usual.”
Noodles: “But why are you so upset this time?”
Frylock: “Because this time it’s costing us money and potentially our safety, boas are dangerous and can kill something by slowly suffocating them.”
Noodles: “But don’t you like not being able to breathe? I mean that’s what you were looking up last night on those websites…”
Frylock: “Sh-shut up! Those were for research purposes and it’s especially bad when a 30 pound snake is choking you so it can eat you!”
Noodles: “What?!”
Shake passes by the room.
Frylock: “Hey Shake, is Meatwad having fun with his little “rabbit”?”
Shake: “Yeah… they’re having a lot of fun… So much fun they’re getting kinda intimate… snake really likes him, it seems…”
Frylock (with a sinking feeling): “Shake, what happened?”
Shake: “Nothing happened! I didn’t do anything, it was him!”
Frylock goes into Meatwad’s room and sure enough, what he finds is what he feared.
Frylock: “Oh my God!!”
Noodles: “What? What happened?” She comes over and is equally shocked. “Meatwad!!”
The snake has already consumed Meatwad as indicated by the big mass in its body.
Meatwad (hearing them): “Frylock, look. Made a nice little garden, from the inside. It’s kinda dark in here, can you pass me the nightlight?”
Shake: “Oh, my God, Frylock! You know what needs to be done. Just let it alone until he dissolves. Help me get the tail in here so we can seal this room off forever.”
Noodles: “No!! How could you?? Meatwad are you okay?? Are you hurt??”
Meatwad: “Naw, I’m okay… just kinda wet. But there doesn’t seem to be a door in here…”
Frylock: “Don’t worry Meatwad, I’ll get you out of there! Get back, both of you!”
Noodles: “What are you gonna do?”
Shake: ‘We can just seal off the room, problem solved!”
Frylock: “No Shake, I am not going to leave him there! I’m blowing it open!”
He begins to charge his lasers but Meatwad protests.
Meatwad: “No, don't kill it! He’s my birthday present! If you kill him, I’ll hate you forever Frylock!”
Meatwad: “Meatwad… you don’t mean that, do you?”
Meatwad: “Yeah I do, he’s my bestest friend ever and I’m not lettin’ you kill him!”
Frylock hesitates but relents. His laser eyes charge back down to his regular ones.
Frylock (sighing): “Fine… we’ll have to find some other way…”
Noodles: “Well what else can we do?”
Shake (pulling out a camera): “I know something we can do first. Here, point your head up to the camera, now say something stupid!”
Frylock: “Put that away, Shake!”
Shake: “But we could win ten thousand dollars from this!”
Frylock: “We are not submitting this to America’s Funniest Home Videos, we need to get Meatwad out of there in one piece!”
Shake: “Why not multiple pieces and then we’ll just put him back together then?”
Noodles: “Hey, what if we try giving it some of Carl’s Thanksgiving food?”
Frylock: “What?”
Noodles: “I mean when Shake ate it, he was throwing up for three days.”
Shake: “He should’ve known barbeque sauce and asparagus don’t go hand in hand, that asshole! And those buns were six days expired! And what the Hell was he thinking, raw chicken and cooked chicken does not go in the same damn place!!”
Frylock: “Hmm… that isn’t a bad idea Noodles… get the leftovers!”
Shake: “Seriously, food handling 101 Carl! A frickin’ second grader would know this! And there wasn’t even taco pie, how cheap.”
So, Frylock and Noodles got some rather rancid-looking leftovers from containers in the fridge, putting it in front of the snake. The snake takes note of the food but upon seeing how rancid it is, the snake quickly bats away the food with its tail.
Shake: “Wow look at that, it hates it, what a surprise. Big shocker, nice to see a damn snake has better taste than Carl.”
Noodles: “What can we use… Meatwad, are you still okay?”
Meatwad: “Yeah…”
Shake: “You need to give it something it actually wants to take!”
He leaves and comes back with some Fosters cans.
Shake: “Here, I guarantee you he’ll be hacking up beef in a jiffy.”
He starts pouring the beer down the snake’s throat through a funnel.
Noodles: “Are… you sure that’s going to work?”
Shake: “I’ve seen what Carl does with these, trust me, three of these and he won’t even be able to open his mouth without something coming out.”
But the cans keep coming and the snake does not cough out Meatwad, the snake instead once they run out of beer ends up collapsing still.
Shake: “See? ALready got ‘im!”
Frylock: “Uhh… I don’t think it’s getting nauseous. I think you just made it pass out.”
Shake: “What? No way his eyes are open!”
Frylock: “Snake eyes are always open, Shake. They don’t have eyelids!”
Shake: “Well did you expect me to be some sort of snake genius? I’m not constantly reading encyclopedias like a geek like you!”
Meatwad (sloshed): “You give me another beer! I'm 21!”
Frylock: “Great! Now he’s drunk!”
Meatwad: “I'm not drunk. You're the drunk one!”
Noodles: “Meatwad don’t drink that!”
Meatwad: “Bitch, you can’t tell me what to do, I’m old enough to make my own decisions! And I wanna make bad ones right now!”
Noodles: “Frylock, help him!!”
Frylock: “I’m trying, Noodles!”
Shake: “Why don’t we just leave him in there? Given how rancid he is, the snake will probably die from poisoning if Meatwad doesn’t bore him to death first!”
Meatwad: “Shaddup, boy! Think you’re hot crap? You couldn’t even down a Fosters yesself without passin’ out at the third shot, wussie!”
Shake (furious): “You wanna say that again, asshat??”
Shake begins to kick the Meatwad lump in the snake which the snake really doesn’t like.
Meatwad: “You talk a lot of big game but you can’t even play a round of pinball on Frylock’s computer…”
Shake: “The game is rigged, I swear it is!!”
Noodles: “Shake, stop it, the snake’s getting mad!!”
It’s too late as Frylock comes back with more beer for the snake only to be greeted with the sight of the snake having two large lamps in its body now, one notably much large than the other.
Shake (muffled within the snake): “What the Hell this stuff tastes like garbage! And it smells like garbage!!”
Meatwad: “Tha’s gotta be you, boy.”
Shake: “Shut up!! Where the Hell are you, once I see you I’m gonna beat your ass six ways to Sunday!!”
Noodles (in total shock and crying): “Frylock!!!”
Frylock: “Calm down. Calm down! They’re still breathing, there's still hope.”
Noodles: “What are we going to do now??”
Meatwad: ‘Hey Noodles, Shake’s trying to get me! Stop him!”
Shake (struggling as he moves deeper into the snake): “Ain’t nobody here but you and me, big man!”
Noodles (opening the snake’s jaw): “Hey Shake! Stop beating up Meatwad, we’re trying to get you out and you’re making it worse!”
Shake (now tipsy as well): “Your ass is what made everything worse by talkin’ to those cheating cheapscapes that gave us this thing in the first place, you have somethin’ to say, say it to my face!”
Noodles tries to reach into the snake’s body to find them as Frylock takes advantage of the event to attach a harness on her hoping to pull her out when she finds them.
Noodles: “Shake, stop it! We could leave you in there if you keep acting like such a meanie!”
Shake (slurring drunkenly): “Fuck you!”
Frylock: “Go ahead Noodles, I’ll pull you back when you get them!”
But this goes horribly wrong as Noodles travels into the snake deeper as she herself begins to intake the alcohol that’s overflowing within it.
Shake: “This is all your fault, Noodles!”
Noodles (voice getting weird and heavy with unstable emotion): “How is this my fault?? I didn’t ask you to call that company, you should’ve just gotten a real rabbit! But you’re always such a jerk that you can’t do anything nice for anyone!”
Shake: “Oh are you going to start crying now?? Wow look at that, how nice and mature, the little lady is crying, boo hoo!”
Noodles: “You shut up!! At least I can feel something because you don’t feel anything!!”
Meatwad: “Stop movin’ around so much, I’m trying to sleep!”
Frylock: ‘You found them Noodles? Hold on, I’m getting you ou-”
The snake then bites down on the harness, unfortunately snapping it. Frylock looks at the broken harness with dismay.
Frylock: “Oh God…”
The other three continued arguing in alcohol-induced blubbering messes until finally Frylock, seeing no other remedy, charged up a lightning beam.
Frylock: “I’m sorry, guys. Hold on!”
Noodles: “Frylock’s probably going to leave us in here because he hates us!”
Frylock (accidently overcharging in emotion): “What the- no Noodles, don’t say that!!”
He shoots the snake and a big explosion occurs. When the dust settles, Frylock is left floating amidst a bloody mess.
Bits of snake corpse, charred styrofoam, chunks of scattered beef, two broken sticks of wood, a torn plastic straw and scattered strands of ramen accompanied by the smell of sinue, cooked beef and shrimp fill the air as Frylock looks on in horror.
Frylock: “Oh God… what have I done???”
A few hours later, at a construction site while the workers were on break, Frylock finished patting down a filled grave. Three full graves now sat in the gravel and dirt as Frylock floated back and looked in heavy emotion.
Carl (who is also present): “Yeah, but I I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now but you let go, okay?
Frylock: “Thank you…”
Carl: “If you need anything, you know who to look to… Someone else. Because I’m booked.”
Frylcok: “...Thanks, Carl.”
Carl: “Don't beat yourself up over it. There's nothing you can do about this. I mean, it kind of was your fault but screw it. They're dead and you're not. That’s the thought that gets me through the day, along with a bottle of scotch.”
Also present are Vanilla and Horchata, Vanilla in silent mourning while Horchata seems more judgemental over how Frylock is going about the funeral.
Horchata: ‘You could’ve at least brought candles.”
Frylock: “It was last minute okay? Also it’s a hazard…”
Vanilla plants some flowers on the graves, namely a yellow rose on Noodles’s grave, a red rose on Shake’s grave and a carnation on Meatwad’s.
Horchata: “Also you need like at least a third party witness that has experience with blessing funarals, you know that right?”
Frylock: “Couldn’t find a priest that was available…”
Horchata: “Well you could’ve called me! You know what could happen if you don’t formally lay them to rest?”
Frylock (sarcastically): “What, they’ll come back to haunt me?”
Horchata: “...Yes actually.”
Frylock: “Right…”
Horchata: “I’m serious! They didn’t die in peaceful circumstances, this will come back to bite you in a major way, frito .”
Frylock: “If you’re not here to lighten the mood then can you just leave? I need to be alone…”
Horchata hands him a black candle.
Horchata: “They know what you did.”
Carl (noticing a half built fourth grave): ‘Hey, uhh Fryman. Thought there was three of you dead, why’s there a fourth?”
Frylock: “Lost track of time…It was the snake probably…”
As all of them depart, the graves proceed to get bulldozed over because break time ended.
Frylock returned home, in mourning. It even started to rain as if the weather decided to join his pity party. The days passed by in a blur as the house is uncharacteristically quiet and still. However, a month, a grief stricken Frylock came out, with a much different, angrier personality
Frylock floated out of his room as he talked on a phone. He looked very different, his fries braided and bejeweled, wearing a fur coat and a large pair of sunglasses and holding a walking cane.
Frylock: “Yeah, thank God, man. They've held me down for too long. Got the house all to myself… Now I can finally do what I've always wanted to do. Hang out with the wrong crowd. So, why don't you pick up a couple of bitches and come over tonight? Or I'll put a cigarette out in your damn eye. …You jealous? You want some? Come on, let's see what we got in the back room here. And bring your friend. What was her name, Tera? I like her.”
He hears a knocking on the door. Frylock opens and it’s Carl.
Carl (giving him a wrapped up object): “Here. It's a fruit roll-up. I was gonna make you a casserole for your loss… but I didn't.”
Frylock (deadpan): “Thanks.”
Carl: “I was gonna yell my brains out at you, but, because of your loss, I might just gently ask, what happened last night with all the noise?”
Frylock: “Why don't you mind your own damn business before I cut you open with a linoleum knife? I'll do what I did to that snake to you, too.”
Carl (not intimidated): “Try me.”
Frylock: “Lay in.”
Carl: “Fryman, you’ve changed.”
Frylock: “For the better.”
He proceeds to create a thunderbolt that wipes out Carl as well as a good portion of the house as the charred wood lies around while the cold Frylock looks over it.
Frylock: “There goes the neighborhood…”
Later on, he was packing up the house’s remains for valuables.
Frylock: “Man, this is over. I'm done with this crib, and these stupidass dolls."I gotta have a pet".
Should have stayed with them stupidass dolls, ain't that right? Now they're all gonna have to go…”
Vanilla: “Frylock, what on Earth is happening?”
Frylock turns to see Vanilla standing by the remains of the house, shocked.
Frylock: “I’m movin’ on.”
Vanilla: “This is terrible… where’s Carl? He’s not in his house…”
Frylock: “He was askin’ too many questions…”
Vanilla: “Frylock stop this, this isn’t you!”
Frylock: “You don’t even know who I am, woman! Or any of us… I suggest you back off before you go join them.”
Vanilla flees as Frylock goes back to his business, but before he does, he looks at a broken mirror on the ground that used to belong to Noodles. In the reflection as he picks it up, shows Horchata behind him.
Horchata (ominously): “Reckoning will come…”
Frylock turns around swiftly but no one is there. Disturbed, he hurries his task and leaves. He flies to the hotel he’s staying and while dragging a plastic trash bag containing Carl’s remains in. In a cold sweat he begins to dig a ditch in the middle of the night to dispose of the evidence as he can’t find a way to disintegrate the body quickly enough without attracting attention.
While doing so, he hears a shuffle.
Frylock: “Who’s there??”
No response.
Frylock: “I’m warnin’ you, don’t fuck with me! I’ve got a count! Wait, why would I say that, damnit!”
??? (a very slow and pained voice): “Why…..”
He turns around and sees the dirt rising in a mound that makes disgusting noises
??? (another voice, more aggressive): “Son of a bitch…”
??? (higher pitched and much sadder): “We trusted you…”
Frylock (terrified): “What the Hell?? Get back!!”
Mounds on the dirt start to rise in loosely identifiable shapes. They resemble his former roommates and victims. They begin to crawl out of the ground and head towards him.
Zombie Meatwad (face barely coherent): “Why did you do this?”
Frylock: “I haven’t done anything!”
Zombie Shake (an eye falling out of his socket as he advances): “Oh yes you did… now you’re gonna pay up…. Bitch….”
Zombie Noodes (half her face charred and bloody): “You really do hate us!”
Frylock: “No I don’t! I didn’t know what else to do! Please, I’m sorry!”
Zombie Shake: “Oh you will be…”
The zombies circle around him as Zombie Noodles uses her very dirty and slimy appendages to wrap around Frylock as he struggles.
Zombie Meatwad: “It was my birthday too…”
Zombie Shake (picking up Frylock’s discarded shovel): “Let’s see how you like being buried!”
Frylock: “No, wait, stop!!”
Zombie Meatwad: “Reckoning… reckoning…. Reckoning…
Frylock: “Alright Meatwad, you can take it off now.”
Meatwad (removing his VR set): “Huh?”
Frylock and Meatwad were in Frylock’s room as Frylock turned off the program from his computer. Meatwads rather oversized headset slips off.
Meatwad: “You stay away from me with your bad influence and your earring! You killed me. I ain't gonna forget that!”
Frylock: “Relax, Meatwad, it's over. That was just a computer simulation.”
Meatwad: “So I'm not a zombie?”
Frylock: “Nope. No, you're not.”
Meatwad: “But I crave brain…”
Frylock: “Don’t, that’s gross. Anyway, how was that?”
Meatwad: “The graphics were great. And especially the pains that I was feeling in the back of my head were very realistic.”
Shake: “And that was just me! Jabbing you in the back of your head with this fondue fork.”
Meatwad: “Ah.”
Frylock: “So I hope you learned your lesson.”
Meatwad: “Yes, I did! I mean, oh, I did… Wait, what was it?”
Frylock: “Don't you see, Meatwad? Having a pet is a large responsibility, and the simulation program proved you are not mature enough to take care of a pet rabbit.”
Meatwad: “Well what about a hamster? Or a gerbil, they’re smaller.”
Frylock: “No, Meatwad. It just can’t happen.”
Meatwad: “Aw but Noodles gets to keep her little boxy pets!”
Frylock: “Those are digital pets, meatwad. Those are toys, they aren’t real.”
Meatwad: “Shoot…”
Frylock: “In the meantime, Noodles!”
Noodles: “Yeah?”
Frylock: “You and I need to talk about your… ‘contacts’ overseas…”
Noodles: ‘What are you talking about?”