Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Girls' night is a rare occurrence for the women of the BAU nowadays, but they've finally managed to find an evening to hang out and are on their second glasses of wine, sharing cheap gas station snacks and joking around. It's nice- a break for the three of them, a chance to lift some of the relentless burden which their work daily puts upon them.

Even so, work isn't the only thing they're trying to forget about; Penelope had originally suggested the evening to Emily, an attempt to find some way to cheer JJ up after Will moved out just a few weeks before. ‘We need to help her forget about everything for a while’; and Emily had readily agreed, tired of seeing one of her best friends clearly miserable.  

JJ’s separation from Will had come as a surprise to everyone at the BAU when she told them. ‘Falling out of love’ was how JJ had described it, her words quiet and clipped, as if she was holding something back. Nobody pressed her, they respected her enough to know when to leave well enough alone. 

The girls lapse into silence, their laughter fading as JJ’s expression turns wistful, and Penelope realises that maybe she’s not as distracted as they’d hoped.  

“I know you guys think I’m crazy, or stupid, for doing this.” JJ announces suddenly, her cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol, her eyes shining. 

"What? No, JJ, no way," Emily responds almost immediately, shaking her head. "None of us are exactly relationship experts, and I promise you, we don't think you're crazy."

“I do love him. I do," JJ insists. "But- I'm not in love with him anymore and I couldn’t keep waking up every day forcing myself to pretend that I was. Hiding something like that- something that big- it's exhausting. I was tired.” The words spill from her mouth, desperately trying to justify her situation. 

Penelope's eyes soften. “Jayje. We love you, no matter what. You don’t have to explain yourself to us, ever. Okay?” 

JJ smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I’m sorry, I... I don't know where that came from."

Emily wants to say something, wants to reassure JJ that she’ll always love her no matter what, but Penelope gets there first. “This is what friends are for, Jayje. You can tell us as little or as much as you like, we aren’t judging you, I promise. Right, Emily?” 

Seeing her opportunity to contribute, Emily stumbles over her words as she anxiously attempts to get them out. “Yeah, JJ- always. Wait, no, I mean- never judging you, always here for you.” 

Her confused speech lightens the atmosphere of the room as JJ giggles at her friend, her mood brightening.  

“Is that wine already going to your head, Em?” Penelope asks jokingly, and instantly the melancholy dissipates, replaced by light-hearted teasing and laughter.  

Emily tops up everyone’s glasses, and the trio end up playing a slightly tipsy game of ‘would you rather’, which mostly consists of them collectively deciding that they’d rather get shot or stabbed than disappoint Hotch.  

Within an hour, the wistful glint is mostly faded from JJ’s eyes, Emily notices, replaced by a sparkle which Emily doesn’t recall having seen for a while.  

After they’ve exhausted every situation they can imagine in ‘would you rather’, Penelope tries to convince the other two to play truth or dare with her, and much to her delight, she manages to wear them down. Typically, just as her and JJ are trying to invent a creative but non-illegal dare for Emily, her phone rings. 

“Please, please tell me that’s not Hotch.” Emily sighs, already preparing to accept her fate.

“I could... but I'd be lying,” Penelope winces, pressing Accept. Sorry! She mouths as she stands up and heads to her kitchen, unable to hear the call over the nostalgic but trashy 80s pop music playing just a little too loudly in the living room.

“Typical.” Emily mutters, the carefree buzz from the alcohol fading as she her mind automatically switches to work mode and she begins to ruminate over possible cases. 

“Mhm.” JJ barely acknowledges Emily’s comment, clearly distracted and deep in thought. 

The brunette frowns, glancing up at JJ. “Hey, you okay?”  

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, I’m all good. Sorry.” 

“JJ, you don’t need to apologise. Talk to me- what's up? Thinking about Will again?” 

JJ bites her lip, her eyes reluctantly meeting Emily’s. She nods, slowly, as if deliberating over what to say.  

“Talk to me, JJ.” Emily says softly.  

The blonde sighs, looking away from Emily.  

“I just keep thinking- what if I made a mistake? What if I could’ve tried harder? What if this screws up Henry forever? I’m alone now, what if I don’t know how to be alone anymore?” She breathes shakily, running a hand through her hair. “Why couldn’t I love him anymore?”  

Emily feels her heart break as she watches JJ fight tears. She wishes she could take away all her pain, but she knows that the best thing she can do is show JJ that she’s there for her.  

She leans forward, her eyes not moving from JJ. “You’re right. This is gonna be scary, and new, at first- but it’s only been a month. You'll need time, JJ, trust me. And what you said earlier, that’s right too. You can’t force yourself to be in love with someone, no matter how badly you want to. Sometimes things change and there’s no explanation. And- don't worry about Henry. He has two parents who love him more than anything in the world, I mean, he has Jennifer Jareau as his mom- he's the luckiest kid alive.”  

JJ meets Emily’s eyes again with a small smile as Emily continues. 

“And... you’re not alone, JJ. I will always be here for you, always. Whenever you need me, you won’t be alone.” 

She reaches her hand across the table, grasping JJ’s. JJ doesn’t need words to know what it means. It means ‘I love you’.

It feels like a promise.  

“You know, I don’t... I’m not sure I ever loved him how I was supposed to. He was my best friend, but sometimes I don’t know if he was ever more than that.” She pauses, obviously wanting to say more, but changes her mind and shakes her head, cueing Emily’s reply. 

“Sometimes the lines between platonic and romantic feelings are difficult to distinguish.”  

JJ looks away again, a sharp feeling in her throat which she almost doesn’t recognise. It feels like guilt. Maybe Emily is right, though. Maybe her hindsight bias is blurring her memories. Maybe she did love him right; how she should've. (Maybe she’s not a bad person?) 

Sitting with their hands entwined, JJ feels safe. She feels less alone, and looks back up, ready to thank Emily for her friendship, for being there- but when she sees Emily’s eyes, she hesitates. There's a strange expression which she can’t quite decode, and JJ feels a pang in her chest as she watches Emily’s eyes and Emily watches hers.  

After a moment, Emily’s hand seems to grow heavy in hers, and she glances down and pulls away, a slight discomfort building in her chest. She's never been good with emotional moments, better at hiding how she feels and pushing any attempt of closeness away. 

JJ clears her throat. “Thank you.” She murmurs, just loud enough for Emily to hear. The words don’t say everything she wants to, but Emily has always been good at reading between the lines.  

‘Thank you for being my best friend.’ or ‘Thank you for being here for me.’ Those aren’t words which should be difficult to say, but JJ can’t get them out. It’s probably the alcohol messing with her head, she tells herself, trying not to consider it too deeply. 

“Sorry to interrupt guys, but we have to go.”  

JJ jumps as Penelope walks back into the room, holding her phone with a resigned look on her face. Emily groans. “We have a case?”  

“I didn’t get many details, but it’s a pretty important one apparently. And since Derek and Rossi are still away, Hotch wants us to start working it ASAP. I called us a taxi; it’ll be here in about ten minutes.” 

“No rest for the wicked, huh,” Emily mutters. “I’ll get us some water.” 

As she heads out of the room, she glances back, hoping JJ feels her gaze.

JJ doesn’t even look up.  

Chapter Text

Just under an hour has passed by the time the three women walk into the roundtable room in the BAU. The rest of the team (minus Rossi and Morgan, who are at a seminar in Seattle), are already there, Reid intensely studying a case file as Hotch paces back and forth, appearing to be deep in thought. Their unit chief notices them enter, pausing and picking up a few files from the table in front of him. “Thank you all for coming, I’m sorry to call you in on your night off, but timing is crucial.” 

JJ raises her eyebrows and exchanges a glance with Emily, wondering what they’re about to be thrown into.  

Their brief hesitation doesn’t escape Hotch’s notice. “Right. Take a seat, I'll get started.”  

The three of them sit down, Reid finally closing the file and greeting the girls with a small smile.  

“I’ll just preface this by saying, we wouldn’t normally be called in on a case like this- especially with how small our window of opportunity is. However, the agent in charge, Agent Harris, is an old friend of mine and I owe him a favour- he also believes the BAU’s specific skillset will be an asset to the case, and I agree.”  

He pauses, handing two of the files in his hands to JJ and Emily, then looks to Penelope. “I’m assuming you’d rather not see the crime scene photos?” 

She’s quick to reply. “No! Thank you, sir.” 

Hotch smiles at her, the strict unit chief persona slipping slightly as his soft spot for Garcia shows.

Emily opens her file, breathing in sharply as she sees the gruesome photos clipped in the front. “Jesus.” 

JJ follows suit, eyes widening as she scans the photos. “This is a lot of anger. I mean- I see why they want our help.” 

“These photos don’t even begin to scratch the surface of how complicated this case is,” Hotch admits, drawing the room’s attention back to him. “Our victim, Donna Hill, was a pretty big candidate in the upcoming Denver mayoral elections- so her murder is already getting a lot of press. On top of that, she appears to have been caught up in business with con artists- it's currently unclear whether she was aware or not, but that’s not particularly important at the moment. Obviously, with the added political and media pressure, it’s crucial that we begin our part in this case as soon as we can.” 

JJ frowns, setting the file back down on the table. “What do you mean? Getting the unsub?”  

“Yes, at least, that’s a part of it- but this case is unfortunately more complex than just that. Agent Harris, who was originally in charge of this case, heads the white-collar crime division at the Denver field office. For around two years, him and his team have been tracking two con men, who they believe have stolen tens of millions of dollars from various clients over the last few years. They are prolific, and Harris believes- from evidence he’s gathered- that they began working in Florida, before moving to Colorado where they first surfaced a little over two years ago.” 

“That’s interesting,” Reid begins, glancing back at the file. “But if this murder was committed by a team of two men, as you’re suggesting, it’s surprising- and unusual- that there’s no sign of any sexual component to the crime.” 

“Harris has identified one of the men.” Hotch adds bluntly, provoking bewildered stares from the four agents seated around the table. 

“You didn’t think to open with that?” Garcia questions, eyes wide. 

“I appreciate that this is confusing, but if you’ll let me explain,” Hotch continues, pointedly looking to Reid then Garcia. “Harris has no physical evidence placing either man at the crime scene, just a lot of very suggestive circumstantial evidence. And, Reid, to answer your question, we have reason to believe that these men are a couple.” 

“Unlikely that there’d be a sexual component if they’re both gay.” Emily realises, thinking out loud. Hotch nods at her.  

“The man who has been identified is Alexander Wells, he’s 35, and has known connections to Donna Hill, our murder victim. There’s a warrant out for his arrest on suspicion of fraud and embezzlement in Florida. Harris has got a positive identification on him from 4 of the mens’ ex-clients, however no positive ID has yet been made on his partner.” 

“So, where do we come in? Surely local PD in or around the areas where he was last seen would be more effective than us- or at least closer to hand?” JJ inquires. 

"I understand your point, but we have a lead on their location; and it's not exactly the kind off place which FBI agents can simply walk into- even if we had a warrant."

Hotch’s cryptic responses only serve to further confuse his team, the four of them exchanging glances before their Unit Chief continues.

“Harris’ team managed to put a track on one of Wells’ known bank accounts, and it appears they’re spending some time in an exclusive, luxury two-week retreat for couple’s vacations in West Virginia. It’s incredibly expensive, and privately owned by an offshore company, so the cost somewhat ensures a client-customer confidentiality- meaning they’re pretty much completely safe there. We wouldn’t be able to raid it, or even start asking questions without risking being denied entry or possibly sued, and by then our unsubs would easily get away.” He pauses, letting the information sink in and making sure he still has everyone’s attention.  

“Harris wants us to send in 2 undercover agents, and the director has approved the costs of this operation- the profile of our murder victim means that everyone wants this solved as soon as possible. Everybody agrees that BAU agents are best suited for this- two profilers inside will ensure you know exactly who and what you’re looking for. You'll have just under two weeks to collect evidence on them and hopefully make arrests. There'll be limited, if any, outside contact, to avoid suspicion.” 

Once Hotch has finished, Reid speaks up, voicing the question they’re all curiously awaiting an answer to. “So, who are you sending?” 

“That’s the other part of this. It's not just a vacation retreat- it's a resort for couples. Centred around ‘strengthening and counselling LGBTQ relationships’, as it says on the website.”  

Surprised, Emily’s eyes skip to JJ for a fleeting second before returning to Hotch as he carries on.  

“My first choice for this assignment would normally be Morgan and Reid, I think we can all agree you’d have the best dynamic for it.” Garcia giggles quietly. “However, with Morgan away in Seattle- I think JJ and Prentiss are our next best option.” 

Emily’s heart skips a beat. This time, when she glances to JJ, their eyes meet, unspoken words flooding their expressions. 

“I understand that this is a-” their unit chief stops, struggling to find the right words. “...Delicate assignment, and it will be difficult maintaining a façade as a couple, but our entire case relies on this operation. After the two weeks that Wells and his partner have booked here, we have absolutely no leads on where they might go next. This may be our only chance to get close enough to them to make an arrest. I hope this is okay with both of you?” 

“Are you kidding?” JJ laughs. “Emily and I will make a great couple, right, Em?” 

Garcia laughs, and Reid smiles, but Emily sees the guarded expression in JJ’s eyes, masked by the joke. She tries to ignore the way her chest tightens, forcing a smile. “If you’re on board, I am,” the brunette replies decisively, pushing any apprehension away.   

“Thank you, both of you. Reid, Garcia, we’re taking over the process of creating identities- and we’ll sort that overnight. JJ, Prentiss, you need to get packed, rest and be back here at 8:30am ready to leave. I’m aware that less than 12 hours isn’t a lot of time, but I'm sure you can recognise that time is of the essence.” 

"Of course.” JJ agrees quickly, averting her eyes as Emily glances over to her yet again. 

“Great. Reid, Garcia, I need to brief you on what we have to do for the rest of tonight, so if you can both stay for now, please,” they both nod, and Hotch looks to Emily and JJ before continuing. “You two are dismissed. It’ll be around a 2-hour flight to the resort in the morning, and that’ll be the only chance you have to learn your undercover identities. I realise this isn’t usual procedure for this type of operation, but we’re working as well as we can with what little time we do have.” 

Emily stands, picking up her file and smiling briefly at the others before heading out of the room. She pauses in the doorway, realising JJ is still seated, lost in thought.  

Garcia seems to notice at the same time Emily does. “Jayje? You good?”  

JJ quickly snaps out of her thoughts, forcing a smile and grabbing her file from the table. “Yeah, fine. Bye, guys. See you later.” 

Emily doesn’t miss the concerned look that Garcia shoots Reid, but she brushes it off and turns, JJ a few steps behind her as she walks down the hallway. 

It feels wrong to leave without talking to JJ again, so Emily stops at the end of the hall, turning to her friend. 

“Are you okay?” The brunette asks, sensing something off in JJ’s whole demeanour. JJ pauses, seemingly apprehensive to answer the simple question.  

“Yeah- I just- I don’t know.” 

“Just tell me what you’re thinking, JJ. We need to be able to communicate, otherwise we could screw up this entire case.” 

“I’m gonna miss Henry, I guess.” 

“I know, but it’s only two weeks. What else?” 

JJ sighs, getting frustrated with Emily continuously pushing her, always able to read exactly what she’s thinking, even when JJ isn’t convinced of it herself. 

“What if I don’t know how to act? What if I blow it? I mean, I’m not gay,” she snaps suddenly, clearly exasperated, and Emily is taken aback by the insistence with which she states this. There’s a note of disgust in her voice, and Emily almost doesn’t recognise JJ for a moment. 

She frowns, subconsciously stepping back slightly. “I know that, JJ. It’s just a case.” 

JJ opens her mouth slightly like she wants to say something else, but then changes her mind and shakes her head.  

“Yeah. We should go, I guess. See you in the morning.” 

Emily nods as an unreadable expression fills the blonde’s eyes. JJ brushes past Emily as she walks away, leaving her confused and alone in the hallway, wondering why her friend is being so weird about the case. Maybe it’s bringing up feelings surrounding Will, Emily tells herself- but she’s never known JJ to be aggressive like this before. She turns, following JJ to the elevator, hoping to catch her, but by the time she turns the corner, JJ is already gone.  

JJ sees Emily turn the corner just as the elevator doors begin to close, and for a moment she hesitates, deciding whether or not to hold the doors for her. She doesn’t, and as the elevator begins to descend, she can't help but register the discomfort she feels when she thinks about Emily, and the next two weeks. There's an unfamiliar sensation in her chest and throat, slowly suffocating her, mixing with the guilt from snapping at her friend. She’s unsure why this case is affecting her so much already- maybe it’s a bad idea. Maybe she should tell Hotch she can’t go. The rational part of her brain tells her that she can’t do that, that she’d be letting two potential murderers go free for the sake of her own personal comfort. 

She just wishes she knew what this feeling was.  

Chapter Text

11 sleepless hours later, the five agents working the case are overtired and stressed as they finish their final preparations for the case. Both JJ and Emily have been radio silent since they left, both packing, mentally preparing- and JJ having to explain to her toddler that she's only going away for a couple of weeks, and she'll see him soon. Hotch, Reid and Garcia have worked with what time they have to create JJ and Emily's undercover identities; Garcia's technological skills at least ensuring that it would be almost impossible for anybody to disprove the existence of these made-up people without extensive research.

Around 8am, JJ arrives back at the BAU, with Emily following just over 10 minutes later. 

They’re greeted with tired smiles from their 3 colleagues, who’ve hardly moved since they left. 

“It’s good you’re both here early,” Hotch tells them gratefully. “You’ve actually missed the first day of the retreat, and you’ll likely be too late to join in with the planned Saturday activities, but hopefully you’ll get a chance today to get settled and look around.”  

Garcia picks up two files from where she’s sat at Reid’s desk, and leans over, handing them to JJ and Emily respectively. “Everything you’ll need to know on your undercover identities is in here. There shouldn’t be much- if anything- left to the imagination.”  

“Thanks, Penelope.” Emily says, tucking the file into her bag. JJ stays quiet. 

“You need to be aware that you’ll only have the two-hour flight to learn your own, and each other’s identities. Obviously, that’s not a lot of time, so communication is key. This entire case relies upon that, first and foremost.” Hotch emphasises, clearly sensing a slight tension between Emily and JJ. 

“Of course.” JJ replies quickly, at last acknowledging Emily and briefly smiling at her. Emily smiles back, and some of the tension eases a little. 

“If everything’s sorted, we should head to the airstrip.” Hotch says decisively, standing to leave. 

****** 

After around twenty minutes, everything is loaded onto the jet, with the pilots on standby to leave as soon as they need to. The five agents stand outside on the tarmac, ready to say their goodbyes. JJ’s mood has definitely lightened since they left the BAU, and Emily is glad to see her hugging Garcia and Reid goodbye with her usual warmth. Emily does the same, promising Garcia she’ll keep both herself and JJ safe. 

“I have every confidence in you both. Good luck, stay safe out there, and if all goes well, we’ll see you in two weeks.” Hotch tells them, looking to JJ and Emily with an expression that could almost be mistaken for pride.  

“See you in two weeks, then.” Emily replies with a half-smile, turning to JJ. “Let’s go?”  

JJ nods in response, and Emily absent-mindedly reaches her hand out to JJ’s upper arm, as if to guide her to the stairs of the jet. JJ’s eyes widen as she feels the touch, Emily’s fingers like fire against her skin. Almost immediately, Emily realises what she’s done, and pulls her hand away, looking down to avoid JJ’s gaze.  

JJ, thankfully, doesn’t mention it, instead turning and climbing the steps into the jet. Emily follows, leaving their three teammates standing on the tarmac. 

Neither of them speak as they take their seats opposite each other, JJ opening her file while Emily subtly watches her. Emily isn’t entirely sure when it became so difficult to make simple conversation with JJ, but clearly something's changed, as she's struggling to find the words to say anything that doesn’t sound forced or weird. 

JJ catches Emily watching her, and smiles, albeit a little awkward. “How about we spend an hour learning our own identities, then the second hour going over each other and our backstories?” 

Emily nods, grateful that one of them had the courage to break the heavy silence. She finally looks away from JJ, opening the file on her lap. 

The hour passes fairly uneventfully, and by the time it’s over, Emily is getting restless. The reality of their case is sinking in, and it’s reminding her a little too much of the past to be comforting.  

This doesn’t escape JJ’s notice. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, JJ, I’m fine, don’t worry. I might make some coffee- you want some?” 

“Sounds good, thanks.”  

Emily makes the coffee quickly, aware of how quickly time is passing. She sets one mug on the small table in front of JJ, and keeps the other in her hands as she sits back down.  

“Thanks,” JJ smiles. “Should I go over my identity?”  

“Sure, we should probably get started on that.” Emily doesn’t know why she’s talking so awkwardly, it’s like her brain freezes every time JJ speaks. 

“Okay, for the next two weeks, I am Jasmine White. Born and raised in Omaha, Nebraska. My birthday is October 3rd, 1980. I went to school at Stanford, and I studied finance, apparently? Those are the main things that are exclusively me, I think we’ll have more about our relationship to get sorted, so that should be enough for now?” 

“That’s great, JJ. My turn?” She waits for a signal from JJ, and when JJ nods, Emily begins. 

“Right, I'm Charlotte Miller. Born on January 9th, 1980. Grew up in San Diego, went to Stanford- studying finance. That's where we met, sophomore year- in 1999, right?” 

“Yeah,” JJ nods, looking back down to her file. “Then we started our own investing business in 2002, where there was some... interesting income?” 

“Looks like Jasmine and Charlotte were up to some illegal activities?” Emily smirks. “We’ll probably have to use that to get close to Wells and his partner.”  

“Only tax evasion, though, not fraud and murder like they’ve been up to.” JJ replies. 

“Still, crime is crime.”  

“So, what year did we start dating?” JJ questions, changing the subject.  

Emily’s brow furrows as she tries to remember. “2001, right? Senior year?” 

“Nice.” JJ smiles, and Emily feels a warmth in her chest from gaining JJ’s approval. It's stupid, she knows that, but it feels good nonetheless. 

“So,” JJ begins, ensuring she has Emily’s full attention, which she obviously does. “We’re currently living in a house together in LA, no kids, unmarried, but we have a dog?”  

“I guarantee you that was Garcia’s idea.” Emily laughs. 

“A dachshund called Mercy? That doesn’t exactly scream Hotch or Spence, so you're probably right.”  

It's nice, Emily realises. Having this time with JJ where they can just be friends again and talk without it feeling tense, and even though she’s really not sure where the next two weeks are going to take their relationship, she’s sure it can’t do anything bad. Right? 

Sensing a lull in the conversation, JJ takes the opportunity to start drinking her coffee, watching Emily study her file yet again. It's short-lived, as the plane suddenly hits a patch of turbulence and JJ’s coffee spills onto her shirt. She gasps, and Emily looks up. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, it’s not too hot anymore, but typical.”  

“I’ll go grab some tissues.” Emily volunteers, heading over to the bar area where she picks up a handful of the papery tissues that the jet always has an abundance of.  

As Emily sits back down, without thinking she leans forward and presses the tissues to JJ’s chest, soaking up the spilled coffee. It only takes a millisecond before she realises what she’s doing, and she meets JJ’s eyes, both of them looking... surprised.  

JJ’s heart is pounding from Emily’s touch, and Emily feels her cheeks heat up as she registers the warmth of JJ's body against her hand.

“Emily... you don’t have to.” JJ says quietly, breaking the awkward silence they’ve once again found themselves in.  

Emily smiles. “I’m your girlfriend now, JJ. It's my job.” It’s light-hearted, but Emily doesn’t miss the way JJ’s eyes look down slightly, clearly a little uncomfortable. 

“I’m kidding.” She quickly adds, trying to reassure JJ. 

JJ smiles up at her, mind racing.  

“It’s okay. Thank you.” 

The eye contact they make feels like electricity in Emily’s brain. She feels alive.  

She's also beginning to doubt that they’ll be able to make it through the next two weeks without their friendship changing forever. 

The moment passes, both of them launching back into the discussions around their identities and backstories, but there's something more in the air, and they can both sense it.

****** 

“Welcome to Haven Resort.” The woman behind the front desk smiles at Emily and JJ as they walk through the revolving doors into the extremely fancy foyer of the resort. They were both slightly awestruck by the sheer size of the resort as they were driven in by the private taxi which had met them at the airport. It genuinely looks amazing, and part of Emily wishes they were really just here for a holiday, not for a very important case.  

“Hi!” JJ chirps eagerly, smiling at the receptionist. Since the plane she’s been pretty optimistic about their situation, and Emily is happy to see her relaxing again. 

“Names?” The woman replies, slightly cold. 

Emily and JJ exchange a glance.  

“Charlotte Miller,” Emily replies, matching the woman’s tone. “And Jasmine White.” 

The woman nods as she types rapidly into her computer. “Right. I have you both here. It looks like you’re a day late, you’re actually our last couple to arrive for this group?” 

“Yeah, sorry about that. We missed our flight out from LA- someone's a little unorganized.” Emily smiles, shaking her head at JJ, who shrugs.  

“Well, it looks like you’ve already paid for the entire retreat, and unfortunately we don’t offer refunds for missed days.” 

“Oh, that’s fine. It was our fault.” JJ replies.  

“Okay, great. You two are in Room 6. I have your itineraries here, and you’re all checked in now. Unfortunately, the group has already begun their activities for the day, so it would be best if you both just got familiar with the resort for today, then begin the activities tomorrow. You might meet some of the other couples tonight at dinner, though. Typically, you’ll have one group activity per day, with the exception of counselling days, and free days, where you’re welcome to do anything you like on the resort. There's also a map on the back of the itinerary.” 

“Thank you so much.” JJ says warmly, taking the room key and paper itineraries as the woman hands them to her. 

“You’re welcome. Your room is just down that corridor, take the first left, and it’s down there. If there’s ever anything you need, phone the help line, or come to reception to ask. And enjoy your stay at Haven. Your relationship will come out of this stronger and happier.” 

They both nod, Emily smirking as she drags their luggage while JJ walks ahead, looking for the room. 

“It’s getting pretty real, now.” JJ mutters to Emily as they walk down the first corridor.  

“Right.” Emily replies quietly. 

JJ doesn’t say anything else, instead stopping in front of a door which has a large 6 on it.  

“This is us!”  

The room is amazing. There’s only one bed, but they’d expected that. Luckily, it looks like it’s large enough for them to both have enough space without it getting weird, JJ hopes. 

“Wow.” JJ sighs, sitting down onto the bed.  

“We can unpack later. What do you say we go look around?” Emily asks. 

“Should we go over our itineraries first, so we know what to expect?” 

“Sure. You wanna read it out?” 

JJ nods, and Emily sits down on the bed, cross-legged, watching JJ expectantly. It feels very domestic, not at all like they’re working, but also somehow natural. It’s comforting, being this close to JJ. Even just living in her orbit is enough to make Emily feel okay.  

“Right. Day 1- we missed, so I guess that’s irrelevant. Day 2 was orientation and meeting the rest of the couples, but we can do that by ourselves. This is what we’ll be doing. Day 3-” She pauses, a slight blush tinting her cheeks.  

“What?” Emily frowns, wondering what's caught JJ's attention.  

“Emily, we have to do couples counselling.” 

Emily giggles. She can’t help it. “Okay, JJ, let’s just hear the whole itinerary, then we can talk about how we’re going to... tackle this.”  

JJ rolls her eyes, faking frustration. “Fine. Day 3- individual couple counselling, and group meal. Day 4- wilderness hiking? Jesus. Day 5- free day. Day 6- group counselling- it's not funny, Em!”  

Emily is trying to contain her laughter, the thought of them attending couples counselling and group counselling paired with JJ’s clear exasperation making her smile. 

“Okay, okay, sorry. Continue?”  

JJ glares light-heartedly at her. “Day 7- mid week meal and review. Day 8- paired group activities. Hey, that could be good to get close to Wells. Day 9- oh, god, more couple counselling. Ooh, Day 10- party. Day 11- free day. Day 12- second group counselling. And looks like the last two days are reviews and free days. By then we should have enough on Wells and his partner to be able to move in on them?” 

“Yeah, I mean, that’ll pretty much be our last chance, so I hope so. This is definitely going to be an interesting couple of weeks.” Emily replies, blatantly stating the obvious.  

JJ looks up at her. “Interesting is certainly one word for it.” 

Emily smiles, but she doesn’t respond. There's nothing she needs to say, JJ is right, and they both know it. 

Chapter Text

By the time they’ve had the chance to unpack and fully explore the resort, it’s approaching 6pm, and they both agree they’re ready to get some dinner. Haven has impressed them both so far, with two huge swimming pools, tennis courts, a fully equipped gym and a spa.  

“Right now, this just feels like a holiday,” Emily remarks to JJ as they head back into their rooms.  

“I know we’re on a case, but I really like it here,” JJ admits. “It feels like an escape from everything in our real lives, you know?”  

“Yeah.” Emily agrees, walking to her suitcase and briefly looking through, distracted. 

“What are you looking for?” JJ asks. 

“Oh- I was just gonna change my shirt for dinner, but I think I forgot to pack the one I want.” Emily replies with a shrug. 

“Oh well- from what I can tell, most of the meals are pretty casual, except the scheduled ones- do you think we’ll need to get nice clothes for that?”  

Emily’s eyes widen. “I hate to say it, but probably. I don't know about you, but I didn't exactly plan for that.”  

“Neither. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it then, I guess.”  

Emily smirks. “Speaking of crossing bridges, which side of the bed do you want?”  

Momentarily taken aback by the sudden change of subject, JJ pauses for a moment before answering. “When I was with Will, I always slept on the right, so I guess I’d prefer right?” 

Emily is surprised that JJ just compared their relationship to her marriage, but tries to mask it, and ignores the way it makes her heart beat faster.   

“Yeah, of course.” She flashes a smile to JJ, then turns away so she can’t see the obviously flustered expression written all over Emily’s face. She manages to compose herself, and turns back to JJ, awkwardly smiling.  

“Should we head to dinner, then?”  

“Sure.” JJ agrees, following Emily to the door as she heads to leave.  

“Em?” She pauses as Emily’s hand touches the door handle.  

Emily turns back to face her, wondering why she’s hesitating.  

“I was just thinking- don't laugh- maybe we should... hold hands?” 

Emily laughs, she can’t help it. It's more nervous laughter rather than genuine humour, but luckily JJ doesn’t realise and glares at her.  

“I said don’t laugh.” 

“I know, I’m sorry. I just... wasn’t expecting that.”  

“Is that a ‘no’, then? How are we meant to sell our relationship if we don’t even touch?”  

“No, no, Jayje. I think it’s probably a good idea, I mean, to sell the idea of us... as a couple.”  

“Right. Here goes then,” JJ says, taking a breath, then reaching out her fingers to Emily’s, their hands entwining slowly, unsurely.  

It's almost as if Emily’s entire world disappears from her, blood rushing in her ears. The only thing she can feel is JJ’s warm, soft skin against her, holding her. It's a small gesture, insignificant and performative, but Emily’s mind is whirring, and she can’t think of anything else. 

Somehow, through the fog, she manages to unlock the door with her free hand, and they walk back out into the hallway.  

JJ felt Emily stiffen as she took her hand, and she’s honestly feeling similar. There's a sensation of apprehension, telling her to pull away, that it’s not right. She forces it away as well as she can, but it stays in the back of her mind, putting her on edge.  

They walk, hand in hand, down the hallway and towards the dining room. Emily, stupidly, lets her mind wander, wondering what it would be like if they weren’t on a case. If they weren’t working, trying to catch murderers. If this was real.  

This confuses her too, because she doesn’t want that, right? She doesn’t like JJ like that. So, like JJ, she pushes the thoughts away.  

It isn’t long before the two of them reach the dining room. According to another brochure which JJ had found earlier in the day, there was a maximum of 18 couples per group, so considering there were only 34 other people currently at the resort, they’re not expecting dinner to be busy. It meets their expectation, only one other couple seated in the room, eating but not talking. 

“Should we say hi to them, or is that pushy?” JJ hisses to Emily.  

“Not sure... should we get food first, then decide?” Emily responds quietly.  

JJ nods in agreement. “Em, how the hell are we gonna sell ourselves as a couple to an actual couple?” 

“I think it’s a little late to be worrying about that now. And- you should probably get used to not calling me Emily in public.” She smirks as JJ rolls her eyes with mock exasperation.  

An idea dawns on Emily, and she pulls JJ slightly round so they’re facing each other whilst still holding hands. “Do you think I could get away with just calling you Jay? It's pretty similar to JJ, but also could be short for Jasmine?”  

JJ’s unsure, but decides that Emily is sensible enough to make it work. “Probably, but you’re coming up with the story if anyone questions.” 

Emily laughs, beginning to pull JJ towards the impressively sized buffet. “Deal.” 

Once they’ve both taken advantage of the free food, they appear to have caught the attention of the already seated couple. One of them catches Emily’s eye and smiles welcomingly, so Emily leads JJ towards their table.  

“I don’t think we’ve met, yet?” The woman who smiled at Emily asks, glancing at them both.  

“No, we wouldn’t have,” JJ confirms with a shrug. “We arrived today.”  

“Oh, well it’s nice to meet you. I'm Maria, and I use she/her pronouns.” 

Emily and JJ are both slightly taken aback by the use of pronouns, as the concept is not something they tend to encounter every day, but they both understand well enough to respect it.  

Maria’s partner also speaks up. “And I’m Lev, they/them.”  

JJ smiles, worrying suddenly about making a mistake or offending someone. “I’m Jasmine, I guess I’m she/her.” 

Emily senses JJ’s mild discomfort, and quickly adds, “Charlotte. She/her. It’s great to meet you both.”  

“So, how come you arrived late?” Lev questions.  

Emily fakes a laugh, looking pointedly at JJ. “ Someone made us miss our flight.”  

Maria smiles, a little too widely to be realistic. “That’s a shame, but you didn’t miss much, don’t worry.”  

There's a tension between Lev and Maria which is obvious, both Emily and JJ sensing it immediately and exchanging glances. 

“Do you mind if we sit...?” Emily asks slowly, knowing that her and JJ need to make friends, but also realising that the tension between the couple may make it harder than expected.  

Maria looks unsure, but Lev smiles, waving their hand towards the seat on their left. “Of course not, go ahead.” 

Feeling a little unwelcomed by Maria, but determined to make friends, JJ and Emily sit, JJ next to Lev and Emily beside Maria.  

There are a couple of minutes of awkward silence as the two ‘couples’ both struggle over what to say.  

“So,” Maria begins. “Are you two married?” 

“No, we’re not. We always said we were ‘waiting for the right time’, but we just haven’t gotten around to it.” Emily lies smoothly, smiling.  

“Smart idea. Don't get married.” Lev mutters, earning a glare from Maria. 

JJ laughs nervously in response, an awkward tension settling around them.  

“You two seem pretty happy. Why are you at a counselling retreat?” Lev asks, ignoring the angry looks from their wife.  

Emily knows this one, they’d gone over it multiple times. “Jay and I run a business, and recently we’ve had some... legal trouble. We just wanted to get away, work on our relationship for a while. Focus on each other.” It’s just a story, a lie, so Emily doesn’t know why she somewhat wishes it was true.  

JJ nods. Lev and Maria, luckily, don’t appear to be particularly invested in their story, both of them just eyeballing each other.  

“Lev, I’m tired. I’m going to head back to the room.” Maria announces suddenly, sliding her half-empty plate away from herself as she abruptly stands up. 

Emily and JJ exchange confused glances, eyebrows raised.  

Lev looks a little awkward as Maria walks out of the room. “Sorry about her- we had an argument earlier.” They explain quickly. “It’s been lovely to meet you both, but I should probably go talk to her.” 

They sound apologetic, and JJ smiles sympathetically. “No worries. It was great to meet you, maybe see you tomorrow?” 

Lev nods gratefully, “Yeah, hopefully. Goodnight.”  

Once they’re gone, JJ turns to Emily, smirking.  

“Lev seemed sweet, but Maria was... interesting.” Emily states.  

“That was a little weird- but I guess this is a counselling retreat, so some of the people probably don’t get on too well?” JJ reasons, and Emily laughs.  

“You can say that again.”  

With nobody else to perform for, they naturally ease back into the slightly more formal role of colleagues, making small talk about the food and the resort, eventually getting bored and deciding to head back to their room for the night.  

As they head towards the exit, JJ slips her hand back into Emily’s.  

Emily feels like she can’t breathe, her heart pounding. It feels so right, but at the same time, she’s never been so stressed. Her mind is racing with hundreds of thoughts and it’s distracting her from everything else. JJ’s hand is all she can feel. 

She must appear relatively normal, however, as JJ doesn’t seem to notice anything wrong and continues the brief walk back to their room. As soon as they’re in, JJ pulls away, leaving Emily stood in the doorway stunned.  

Emily finally finds her voice, and realises how insane she’s acting. “I think I’m gonna take a shower, is that okay?”  

JJ nods. “Of course.”  

Emily stares at the mirror, her reflection gazing back, wide eyed. She's confused, and fearful that realisations are setting in which she can’t avoid.  

There's always been something different about her friendship with JJ. She's unsure when she realised that, but it just became a fact. She chose not to explore it more. 

But now, the prospect of actually spending two weeks with JJ, pretending to be a couple, it’s too much.  

What if she likes JJ?  

Her thoughts sound like a teenage crush, and she’s not familiar with this feeling. She's never been with a woman. But then again, she doesn’t think she’s ever had a meaningful relationship with a man. Sure, Emily has slept with men, and casually dated some, but she’s never felt anything towards them which is even a fraction of what she feels for JJ. 

As much as she wants to ignore these feelings, these thoughts, she can’t.  

She's not gay, right?  

The more she thinks about it, overanalysing her past as she stares at her reflection, she remembers all the times in high school when she’d get flustered when a pretty girl walked past. She remembered seeing lesbian couples holding hands or kissing in the streets when she was a teenager, and feeling a pang in her chest.  

She doesn’t remember ever feeling those feelings around men.  

Emily shakes her head at herself, overwhelmed. It feels like the end of the world.  

Maybe the case is just getting in her head. She's tired, she just needs to sleep this off.  

Deep down, though, something has changed. And Emily knows she’s not going to be able to keep it buried forever.  

What if these feelings for JJ are real?  

******  

JJ notices that Emily’s a little subdued when she comes out of the shower, but chalks it up to tiredness. It's only 8:30pm, but they’re both exhausted, considering they haven’t had proper rest in almost 48 hours.  

Emily yawns. “I’m pretty much ready to crash for the night.” 

JJ agrees. “Yeah, I think I’ll take a shower, then go to bed.” 

Emily nods, but avoids JJ’s eyes.  

“Okay. I think I’m gonna try sleep now, what time will we have to be up?”  

JJ picks up their itinerary from the table by her side of the bed. “We have couple’s counselling at 10am.” 

She’s expecting Emily to make a joke, or laugh, and is surprised when Emily just nods, almost awkward. “Wake up at 8:30?”  

“Yeah sure- Em, are you okay?” JJ asks, slightly concerned.  

“I’m good, Jay, just tired. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight, Emily.” JJ replies, gathering her pyjamas before heading to the bathroom. She realises, then, that Emily just called her ‘Jay’. It makes her smile a little, feeling a brief flutter in her chest, and she’s not sure why.

By the time JJ is out of the shower, Emily is fast asleep. As JJ sets the alarm on the digital clock on her bedside table, her eyes drift over to Emily. She looks peaceful, JJ notices with a smile. Getting into bed beside Emily is strange, but it doesn’t feel as weird as JJ was expecting. If anything, it feels comforting with Emily’s warm body beside her, something which she doesn't remember feeling with Will.  

She feels safe.

JJ is asleep within minutes, Emily beside her.

And it doesn't feel wrong.

Chapter Text

The alarm ringing in the morning is a jarring sound to wake up to, JJ thinks as she opens her eyes, trying to hit the clock so it’ll quieten down. She succeeds, but also manages to knock it off of the bedside table with a crash. Luckily, JJ isn’t sure that she can remember the last time she woke up feeling so well-rested.  

She quietly climbs out of the bed, seeing Emily still asleep, facing JJ’s side of the bed.   

“Em? It’s the morning!” She chirps, trying to wake the other woman up. She has little success, Emily continuing to stay sound asleep.   

JJ makes her way over to Emily, gently touching her shoulder and shaking it slightly. “Emily.”   

Emily finally stirs, blinking groggily then opening her eyes, which instantly meet JJ’s. She's confused for a second- why is JJ in her bedroom?   

Then the case floods back into her mind, along with all the thoughts which had begun to surface the night before. JJ’s hand is softly on her shoulder, causing her heart to beat faster.   

“It’s the morning already?” She manages, yawning.   

“Rise and shine, Agent Prentiss,” JJ replies jokingly. “We have couples counselling to get to.”   

“I never knew you were a morning person, JJ.” The brunette sighs, running a hand over her face. JJ’s hair is tangled, and there are small dark smudges of mascara under her eyes from the previous day, but Emily still thinks that she’s the prettiest person she’s ever seen.   

“I’ll get dressed in the bathroom, if you want, and you can get ready out here?” Emily suggests, aware that JJ would likely be more comfortable getting ready in privacy.   

“Sure, do you mind if I go brush my teeth and pee, first?” JJ asks.  

“No, go ahead. I need a couple more minutes to wake up.”   

Once she’s alone, all the thoughts from the previous night come flooding back into Emily’s head. Does she like JJ? Is she gay?   

Emily has never had issues with gay people, but she never thought that she could be gay. It was a topic she always viewed in relation to others, never herself.   

JJ leaves the bathroom, and Emily quickly rolls out of bed and gathers her outfit for the day, a light blue shirt and black pants. JJ smirks. “I thought we were trying not to look like FBI agents?”   

“Jayje, this is my entire wardrobe.”   

“We’re on vacation, Em. Or at least- Charlotte and Jasmine are. Hold on- you could wear this?”   

JJ holds up a top from her suitcase, a lilac vest which ties around the neck. It's very JJ, and Emily isn’t sure.   

“That’s not very... me, JJ.”   

“You can’t dress like you’re at work!” JJ protests, laughing. “Come on, it’ll look pretty on you.”   

Emily blushes, the compliment making her head spin. She concedes, taking the top from JJ and throwing her blue shirt onto the bed.   

She’s about to walk into the bathroom, when JJ adds: “you know, we can order new clothes to our room.”   

Emily turns around, confused. “Really? I knew this place was fancy, but that’s a whole new level.”  

“They have a catalogue, and everything. What'd you say we do some shopping later?”   

Emily laughs. “Sure, if you want.”  

JJ smiles, clearly excited. Emily is glad to see that she’s lightened up about the case, as her behaviour the previous day was starting to become a concern.   

Emily heads into the bathroom, JJ’s shirt in her hands. She catches her reflection in the mirror and sees herself smiling. Her expression changes as she realises the implications of this.   

She likes JJ. Romantically.   

She doesn’t think she can avoid it any longer- but she also knows she’ll never be able to do anything about it. JJ isn’t gay, she made that pretty clear.   

Emily thought accepting this would be harder, but in reality, it just feels like a burden lifting from her shoulders. She's always known that she doesn’t really have an interest in men, but just accepted it as normal. If anything, she’s pissed it took her this long to realise- thinking about all the girls she could’ve gotten with in college.   

It's weird- standing in a luxury bathroom, with her best friend outside the door- knowing that in a matter of seconds, her entire life has just changed due to a single thought. Deep down, she realistically knows that she’s probably a lesbian. It’s a new thought, but freeing, in a way. Part of it seems almost funny to her, especially considering her main concern is maintaining a normal relationship with JJ.  

JJ knocking on the bathroom door pulls Emily from her thoughts, her heart beating faster than usual.   

“Em?” JJ calls through the door. “I left my moisturizer in there, yesterday. Do you mind passing it out to me?”   

“No, sure.” Emily replies quickly, seeing it placed by the sink. She’s still fully dressed in her pyjamas, so she has no problems fully opening the door to hand it to JJ.  

She's met with a surprise, as JJ is stood waiting by the door wearing her pants, but no shirt, only a simple black bra. Emily feels herself stiffen, blood rushing in her ears. The urge to tell JJ how gorgeous she is is almost overwhelming. JJ takes the moisturizer from Emily, seemingly not noticing how the brunette’s eyes have widened and her cheeks are flushed.   

“Thanks, Em.” JJ smiles, and Emily quickly closes the door, resting her head against the cool wood with a sigh.   

Definitely gay, then. This feeling is so foreign to her, something she’s never even felt a fraction of with any man. It's almost painful, JJ so close, but knowing she can’t have her.  

Once Emily is a little less flustered, she quickly gets dressed, then puts some light makeup on. JJ was right, her top is pretty, and Emily likes the colour.  

“I’m all ready when you are, Em.” JJ calls a few minutes later.   

Emily quickly unlocks the door and steps out. JJ’s face lights up when she sees Emily wearing her top. “I told you! You look pretty.”  

Emily blushes a little, almost embarrassed. She wants to tell JJ the same, that she looks beautiful, but she’s not sure that’s possible without being weird and excessive. Emily has never worried about being weird and excessive towards anyone before.  

Instead, Emily just smiles back at her, then changes the subject.   

“You wanna grab some breakfast before our counselling?”   

JJ exhales, obviously not looking forward to their first scheduled activity. “Sure.”  

They stand in the doorway of their room as Emily unlocks the door, and JJ slips her hand into Emily’s once again. It's casual, and simple, and Emily knows it’s fake, but she can pretend.   

She's just not sure she knows where ‘pretend’ ends, and ‘real’ begins.   

Breakfast is uneventful, only two other couples seated, and they don’t look up when JJ and Emily enter, still hand in hand.   

The time passes fairly quickly, with JJ and Emily eating and laughing together, playing the part of the happy couple. Emily isn’t convinced that she’s actually acting anymore, but that doesn’t matter. For now.  

They also go over basic ideas of what to discuss with their counsellor, as one wrong move could mess up the whole case.   

Their discussion continues as they re-enter their room around an hour later, as they are both highly aware that they need privacy.  

“So we’re saying that our main issue is you lying about our business’ income?” Emily questions in a slightly disbelieving tone as she sits on the bed. “Are you sure that’s realistic?”  

“Honestly- no. But I say we use it as a baseline for our conversation, then make it up from there. It'll add authenticity.”   

Emily raises her eyebrows. “Authenticity? Or our entire cover could be blown.”  

JJ smiles, seeing Emily’s concern. “Em, we’ll be fine. We've got this, okay? This is what we’ve trained for.”  

Emily nods, meeting JJ’s eyes briefly.   

There's a short moment of silence, JJ still watching Emily, who’s moved to stare at her hands. It doesn’t take long for it to feel incredibly awkward, and JJ clears her throat.   

“We should probably get going, then? It's nearly 10.”   

Emily sighs, standing up from the bed.   

JJ notices the slightly subdued mood which has dawned on Emily, and although she’s unsure what’s wrong, she wants to help. She holds out her hand, hoping the touch will suffice.   

Emily smiles, eyes brightening as she takes JJ’s hand. “Let’s go.”   

The counsellor stares at the two women, and they stare back. It's as if he’s sizing them up, and it puts them both on edge.   

Eventually, he breaks the tense silence. “I’m Doctor Wilson, licenced couple’s therapist.”  

“Right.” Emily replies bluntly, a little confused at his apparent unwillingness to initiate conversation. Her and JJ are sat on a small couch opposite his chair, with a coffee table separating them.  

“I prefer my sessions to be mostly client centred- so you’ll do most of the talking. I want all your issues to be discussed between yourselves, even the ones you’ve been hiding, as that’s usually the most effective way to begin therapy.”  

JJ nods, smiling falsely.   

Emily is beginning to feel slightly flustered, not sure if she can sit through an hour of this without perhaps getting a little close to her newfound truth.   

“So, why are you here in the first place?” The doctor asks, obviously hoping to prompt them both into breaking the awkward silence.   

JJ shrugs, noticing Emily’s clear discomfort with a small frown. “We- needed to get away from our daily life, you know? We’ve had some legal issues with our business, but we don’t need to get into the details of that...” She trails off as Emily fakes an exasperated laugh, trying to fit into the role she’s created for herself.  

“Legal issues, Jay? You mean you lying about our income- to the government? And to me?”   

She’s definitely got the authenticity they discussed, as the counsellor leans towards them. “Okay, this is a good place to start. I think you should both hear each other’s opinions on the matter, yes?”  

They both agree, Emily meeting JJ’s eyes with a smirk.  

It looks like everything might work out fine after all.  

Almost an hour later, they’re pretty sure their counsellor loves them. They've done everything right. Until he manages to fuck them over.  

“So, you both understand why you’ve been struggling with communication. During my first sessions, I usually like to go back to the start. So, Charlotte, were you raised to believe that being gay was inherently bad?”  

Emily is frozen by this. She doesn’t know how to respond. JJ quickly notices her discomfort, and gently reaches for her hand. It's so natural, the way they hold each other. “I was, um, raised Catholic, if that’s what you mean?” JJ’s hand tightens around Emily’s.  

“And do you still consider yourself to be Catholic?”  

There's a feeling in her chest that she doesn’t recognise. As if someone’s grabbed her heart, and is slowly squeezing it. “I did. But now, every time I think about religion, and God, it feels like my skin is burning. I don’t know if you have a psychological explanation for that, Doctor.”  

“Guilt.” He replies quietly.  

JJ’s eyes are searching for Emily’s, but Emily won’t look up.  

“What you’re asking is, do I think I’m a bad person because I'm gay?” She confirms, still not looking at JJ. “I don’t believe I’m bad. But I don’t believe that I can be good.”  

“Emily?” JJ whispers, her voice concerned. Emily finally meets her eyes, and she sees something in JJ’s expression that she doesn’t recognise.  

The moment is brief, though.  

“Who’s Emily?”  

They both freeze, JJ’s eyes widening as she realises what she’s done.  

“Um, my ex,” Emily replies, quickly trying to cover it up. “She used to say the same thing.”  

Wilson shrugs, clearly more than a little disbelieving. “Okay, well that’s the end of our session for today. You both did well, I assume you’ll have a lot to talk about.”  

JJ stands up, not letting go of Emily and practically dragging her from the couch.  

“Thank you.” Emily smiles quickly.  

They walk in silence, and a part of the brunette wants to shake JJ. What was she thinking? After what feels like an eternity, they reach their room and JJ slams the door shut.  

“Jayje-”  

“I’m so sorry.” Emily is surprised by the emotion in JJ’s voice, and she turns on her heels.  

“Hey, hey. It's okay.” She rests her hands on JJ’s shoulders, trying to think of any way to be close to her without being too much. “We’re okay, Jay.”  

“I nearly ruined this for us. I just- what you said. Was that real?”  

Emily pulls the blond into a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around her. JJ sniffles weakly in her ear, and it takes everything in Emily not to break down right there. “None of this is real.” She replies quietly.  

She's lying, obviously. She doesn’t know what else to do.  

“We both know that’s not true.” JJ whispers.

Emily genuinely doesn't have a response. She just holds JJ as tight as she can.

Because what happens if she lets go? 

Chapter Text

A knock on their door makes them both jump, JJ pulling away from Emily a little too quickly to be casual. “Who is it?” JJ hisses, quickly wiping a hand over her eyes.  

Emily shrugs as she heads over to the door, quickly fixing any cracks which have begun to show in her undercover mask. She opens the door to see the receptionist from the previous day.  

“Oh, hey, can we help you?” Emily asks, trying not to look as tense as she feels. 

“I realised I forgot to tell you both that the meal tonight is a formal affair. If you wanted to buy any clothes, it’s available until 4pm. Have a good afternoon.”  

Emily hears JJ giggle behind her, and quickly mumbles out a ‘thank you’ before shutting the door.  

“What’s so funny?” She asks, rolling her eyes with mock-frustration.  

JJ smirks. “She sounds like a damn robot.” 

“Even so, we want people to like us, you know?”  

JJ bites her lip, and looks up at Emily through her lashes. Emily feels an intense rush of butterflies in her stomach. She can’t stay annoyed at JJ, God, she can’t even pretend to be annoyed at her.  

Part of her wants to outrightly ask JJ how much she’s figured out. Emily isn’t stupid, she knows her behaviour has been increasingly weird over the last twelve or so hours, and JJ is a profiler too. Most of her, however, doesn’t want to know. Better left unspoken, right? She's not sure she knows anything for certain anymore. 

“Anyways, Agent Prentiss ,” JJ starts, a note of sarcasm in her voice. “Tonight may be our first chance to move in on Wells, and his partner. If we play our cards right.”  

Emily nods. “And one of us should get in contact with the team.” 

“Getting close to Wells is our priority, no?”  

“JJ, if this is a ‘formal affair’, how are we gonna manage that tonight?” 

JJ looks down, frowning slightly as she contemplates Emily’s question. Emily tries to ignore how cute she looks when she concentrates.  

“Do you think there’ll be assigned seats? I mean, we got personalised itineraries, clothing catalogues, therapy... this is the kind of place to put a stupid little nametag on each seat.” 

Emily agrees with JJ’s reasoning, but she’s not convinced. “It’s a long shot, JJ. Besides, what are the chances that we’re seated anywhere near them?” 

“The chances are higher if I get in there and switch them.”  

Emily’s heart sinks. “Jayje, you do realise how stupid that is? If you get caught, we’re done.”  

JJ looks taken aback for a second, then laughs coldly, and Emily’s heart sinks further. “You think I don’t realise that? But this could be the way we start to get close to them. You know I’m right, Emily. Do you hear yourself? We can’t blow this by not taking risks. It's not stupid , it’s a way for us to finally start this up.” 

A small, reluctant part of Emily knows that JJ is making a rational argument, but she knows how crazy it is, and how dangerous it could be to get caught. She also knows JJ. Stubborn, determined, and forever trying to prove something. She's surprised by how defensive JJ got, though.

Emily takes a step towards JJ, reaching for her hand. It may be a small gesture, but the blonde accepts, entwining their fingers. “Okay, you win. But I'm doing it.” 

JJ tenses, biting her lip and shaking her head as she drops Emily’s hand. 

“Enough with the heroic bullshit, Em. I can do this, you know I can. I know I can. Please, just trust me?” 

Emily looks down, heat blazing on her fingertips where JJ briefly held them. “Okay.” 

“Do I go now, or...?” JJ trails off, unsure. 

“They’re probably still setting up. How about we look for clothes for tonight first?” 

JJ nods, visibly relaxing. “If we can find that damn catalogue- have you even seen it?”  

Emily laughs, hoping the tension will start to fade. She knows it’s not totally (or even remotely) healthy to see this as a holiday rather than work, but it’s nice to have time with JJ where they’re normal. Everyday people, not just agents on a case.  

JJ brushes past Emily, wracking her brain to remember if she’s even seen this fabled catalogue anywhere since their arrival. Emily acting weird has her slightly on edge, but she’s pretty experienced in distracting herself. From anything and everything. Anyways, Emily is probably just... adjusting? Hopefully. She starts searching the chest of drawers, glad that neither of them have actually ended up unpacking yet. 

She groans. “Can you see it? It's not here.” 

“JJ, it’s really not that important- don't stress.” She doesn’t need to turn around to know the expression on Emily’s face right now, she can hear her smirking. 

“I was excited, okay? Dressing up, playing a part, it’s kinda fun, you know?” 

“Jay, is it this?” JJ turns around as she hears Emily slide the drawer in her bedside table shut.  

She smiles, excited. “Yes! Can I see?”  

Emily sits down onto the bed, holding it out for JJ, who quickly sits down beside her.  

JJ flips the first page and her eyes widen. “We don’t have to pay for this, right?”  

“Hotch is gonna be so happy when I tell him that the Bureau owes this place a few thousand dollars for two dresses.” Emily laughs. 

JJ just smiles in response as she flicks through the pages, engrossed.  

“We should both pick our own, then surprise each other!” She suggests, sounding almost childlike in her excitement. Emily just watches her, realising that this is the first time she’s seen JJ this happy for a while. She's missed it, and she’s glad that their short argument seems to have blown over. 

JJ doesn’t look up (luckily?), flicking through endless pages of high-end evening wear. “This reminds me of prom,” she remarks, raising her eyebrows at the prices.  

“I never went.” Emily replies, shrugging, and catches JJ’s attention. 

“No way! Now we have to make this special. You never even picked a dress, or anything?”  

Emily shakes her head. “We moved around so much; I was mainly focused on getting into college. Besides, who would’ve wanted to go with me?” 

JJ frowns at the slight self-deprecation. “You can’t know that. Anyways, you’ve got a date for tonight. And this is gonna be so much better than prom.” 

“What, no teenagers getting wasted?” 

“Well, no. And we’ll be undercover, slowly infiltrating their operation, or whatever. Imagine telling high school Emily that.” 

Emily smiles at the thought. JJ watches her brighten up again, relaxing into herself. It's strange, the times where she feels most tense on this case aren’t usually around Emily, like she’d assumed. But then again, she doesn’t know why she'd even assumed that in the first place. It's just Emily. Right?  

JJ tells herself she doesn’t need these thoughts distracting her from the very pressing issue of picking a dress, feeling Emily’s gaze on her skin.  

It's almost comforting, being this close to her best friend. It feels like a break, after everything with Will, the world is finally quiet again.  

Her eye catches on a pale lilac dress, floor length and flowy. It's perfect (aside from the price, but she’s not paying). 

“Okay, your turn!” JJ says, turning back to Emily and handing her the catalogue, closed so she can’t get any spoilers for JJ’s dress. 

“So,” Emily starts as she turns through the pages, “what’s our plan for tonight?”  

JJ sighs. Back into work mode, then. “I go, move our seats next to Wells. Without raising suspicions. And you call Hotch, update him. Once we actually get deeper into this place, it’s more risky to contact the team.”  

“And assuming there are actually assigned seats, how are you going to do this without anybody noticing?” 

“Come on, Emily, it’s just an idea. I'm working on it.” JJ’s tone has shifted to more exasperated, and Emily notices instantly. 

“I know you can do this, Jayje, I'm just worried it’s too dangerous. I mean, we’ve barely been here 12 hours.”  

“Emily, I was in a relationship for four years with someone I never loved more than a best friend. I can lie pretty well.”  

If Emily is surprised by JJ bringing up Will, she doesn’t show it. “I trust you. If you think you can do it, I believe you. You know I’m always on your side.” 

It's true, she does trust JJ, but it’s the first time she’s begun to feel concerned about her judgement being influenced by certain... feelings. She knows what could happen if she loses her objectivity, but then again, that’s an issue which every member of the BAU knows all too well.  

JJ doesn’t reply, and Emily finally looks up from the catalogue, reaching her hand to JJ’s knee beside her. “I just want you to be safe. You know that, right?”  

It’s almost imperceptible, but JJ feels herself lean into Emily’s touch. And almost as soon as she realises, she pulls away, standing up, once again leaving Emily’s hand reaching for something which isn’t there.  

It feels too intimate. Not necessarily wrong, but something in JJ’s head is telling her it’s not right.  

“I’m sorry. I know. I’m a profiler too, Emily. I can tell when you don’t trust someone.” She replies, quietly. Emily feels something twist in her chest, watching JJ’s walls build back up in real time.  

“Anyway, have you picked a dress?” JJ asks, increasingly subdued. Emily wants to kick herself.  

Emily nods. “So, when do we order them?” 

“I’m assuming whenever. As long as it’s before 4. We do have more important things to do, you know?” JJ knows she’s gone cold, and she hates every single word coming out of her mouth. She knows better than anyone how she shuts down when she’s uncomfortable, how she can’t open up easily.  

It's fine, though, she can just do what she always does. Throw herself into her work and block everything out. She's on a case, not holiday. This is work, not personal. 

JJ wonders how many times she’ll have to tell herself that before she believes it. 

****** 

JJ checks the time. They've spent the last two hours quietly, Emily taking a shower whilst JJ skim-reads one of the books she brought. They agreed on their plans, and now they’re almost ready to start. Emily needs to make her call to Quantico, and JJ hopefully will manage to sort their seats for dinner without anyone seeing her.  

“JJ, I’m sorry I didn’t trust that you could do this. I know it’s gonna go okay, alright?” 

The blonde looks to her, half-smiling, but there’s still some reservation behind her eyes. She'd be lying if she said she wasn’t starting to feel anxious about this, but she just tells herself she has to do it. There's no point in any of this case if they can’t get close to their suspects, right?  

It's not about her and Emily.  

It's not.  

JJ stands up, walking across the room to the notebook where her and Emily have written down the dresses they’re going to order. Their plan is for JJ to go to the front desk, talk to the receptionist about the dresses for the evening, then head back via the dining hall to set up their seating.  

“Okay, I should be back in under half an hour. If everything goes to plan.”  

Emily looks up, her expression a cross between concerned and sad. “Be safe. I hope it all works out.”  

JJ nods, distractedly biting on her lower lip. As she walks to the door, part of her is regretting ever bringing this up. She knows that Emily is right, this is insane. And besides, it’s all built on an assumption. If the seating places aren’t named, her and Emily are arguing over nothing, and they’ll still have no way of making their first move on Wells. 

Even so, she leaves without looking back. Because what else can she do? Tell Emily that she was wrong, and that she’s sorry? Is the need to prove herself more important?  

Maybe. But probably not.  

The feeling in her chest as she heads down towards the reception is almost guilt. Emily has been showing up for JJ since the day they met, and this is how JJ treats her? The evening at Penelope’s feels so far away now, despite it only being a matter of days. It’s like everything has changed and JJ is only just noticing.  

JJ is finally pulled from her thoughts when she reaches the reception desk, falsely smiling down at the receptionist. “Could I order two dresses?” 

“Which ones?”  

JJ passes the notebook across the desk. “I have them written down right here, me and my girlfriend are surprising each other.”  

The woman nods, typing quickly on her keyboard as JJ stands awkwardly.  

“The total is $5,800.”  

God, Hotch is going to get hell trying to justify this purchase. “We’ll just pay with the card we already have on file.” JJ replies coolly.  

“Right, and I’ll just need your name and date of birth for confirmation.”  

JJ tries to stay calm and collected, hoping she’s remembered the right date. “Jasmine White, October 3rd 1980.”  

“Great,” the receptionist replies, and JJ relaxes again. “They’ll be brought to your room later on. Good afternoon.”  

“Thanks!” JJ chirps, a little too eager. She cringes as she walks away, knowing that the actual difficult part is about to begin.  

The doors to the dining room are just out of sight of the front desk, much to JJ’s relief. They're shut, and she gently pushes one, relieved as it opens. The tables are arranged in a long rectangle, with flowers and a white tablecloth.  

“Hello?” She calls quietly, testing the waters and hoping for no answer.  

She's met with silence. Heart rate beginning to climb, she slowly slips through the door, closing it behind her. It's a fairly big room, and she's anxious that people could come in at any second.  

As soon as she’s close enough to the table, she sees a small card at the nearest place setting. She was right. Walking quickly, she scans the table for Wells. It doesn’t take long to find him. Circling the table for her and Emily’s places is quick and she grabs them.  

She's about to replace them, when she realises they’ve forgotten something significant. Her heart sinks as she stares at the two male names either side of Wells.   

Hotch’s voice echoes in her head.  

“No positive ID has yet been made on his partner.”  

The fact that she wouldn’t know which place to switch had never even crossed her mind. Connor Avery or Marcus Price? 

She wants to cry, or scream. JJ doesn’t like failure, and this feels like failing. She takes a breath, heart pounding. She feels so stupid.  

But what can she do? 

Looks like she just has to guess.  

She mentally kicks herself as she picks up the name on the right, along with their partner (hopefully). Even so, as she adjusts all of the names, her mind is focused on one thing: Emily. What is Emily going to say to this?  

JJ walks away from the table, slipping back through the doors and heavy with the thought that she might’ve just jeopardised their entire case.  

Watching JJ leave, Emily can’t shake the sensation that the two of them really need to fix things; they both know that this case won’t work if they don’t get along, yet they’re struggling.

She shakes off the feelings that her... crush on JJ is the reason things aren’t exactly going smoothly, deciding to call the team now to update them. Hotch isn’t necessarily expecting updates, but they’ve all worked enough cases together to know that any chance to get the team up to speed is helpful.  

Her cell phone is at the bottom of her bag, hidden inside a small pocket. She slides it out and into her pocket, a little paranoid as she walks to the bathroom and locks the door. Scrolling to Hotch’s number, she clicks ‘call’, and holds the phone to her ear. 

“Hotchner.” 

“Hey, Hotch, it’s me.” 

“Prentiss? Is everything okay?”  

She can hear him frowning over the phone. “Yeah, it’s all good so far. We should be making our first move on Wells and his partner tonight at dinner. Just thought I should call you now before it gets riskier.” 

“How’s JJ doing? With being undercover?” 

It's always been obvious to Emily how deeply Hotch cares for the whole team, but especially JJ and Penelope, almost a paternal protective instinct over them.  

She smiles. “JJ’s okay. She's not here right now, but she should be back soon. I-” Emily trails off, not wanting to expose too much of how she actually feels to her unit chief.  

“You what?”  

Emily sighs, knowing she should’ve been more careful than to try to lie to a seasoned profiler.  

“I’m just worried, I guess. It feels like this is... straining our relationship. You know this won’t work if we can’t get along.” 

“Prentiss, this is a case. You know that. You cannot lose objectivity when you’re undercover. Making this arrest is the only thing you need to focus on.” 

She can hear his slight frustration, regretting ever having brought it up.  

“I know.” Emily confirms quickly, looking down. “Anyways, JJ might be back soon with some information, do you want to stay on the phone until then?”  

“You shouldn’t be in contact with us for any longer than necessary, if she has information, call back. We're on our way to Oregon on a case, so if I don’t pick up, message or call Garcia.” 

“Bye, Hotch.” 

“Stay safe, and good luck with Wells.” 

He hangs up, and Emily wants to bang her head against the wall. Not only are they having doubts about their ability to work well together on this case, now Hotch knows too. It's only been a few hours since they were completely fine, and now what? 

Trust is all that matters between them, at least professionally. Emily would be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t worried about the coming days. Everything that’s happened over 2 days has changed her entire life, and she’s not sure if she’s excited or apprehensive to see what happens next.  

****** 

JJ knocks on the door, still deep in thought. Emily answers so quickly that it makes JJ wonder if she’d been waiting outside the door.  

JJ feels herself relax when she sees Emily. “Hey.” 

“JJ, I don’t want us to argue. We still have two weeks here, and-” 

“I know,” JJ interrupts quickly, softening. “I just, I always feel like I have something to prove, you know? And I never have with you. Then today, it just felt like you didn’t trust me. Emily, I’ve earnt my place here as much as you have.” 

Emily sits down onto the bed as JJ stays stood by the door.  

“I trust you more than anyone. You never have anything to prove to me, alright?” 

JJ nods, staring at the ground.  

“Well, I switched the names.” 

Emily raises her eyebrows and looks up. “We’re next to Wells?” 

JJ winces slightly, enough to catch Emily’s attention. “What?” 

“We don’t know his partner’s name. I had to guess.” 

“Oh, God, I didn’t even think of that. What were the names?” 

“Uh, Connor... Avery? And Marcus Price.” 

“Who’d you pick? I’ll send both the names to Penelope, see if she can get background on them. This is progress, JJ.”  

“I guess. I picked Price as the partner, I just guessed. 50/50 chance, right?” 

Emily is typing the names through to Garcia, and nods. “Even if it’s wrong, it’ll give us a good talking point with Wells tonight.” 

JJ still looks frustrated. Emily stands up, walking over to her. “Hey, you can't change anything. And we’re next to Wells, now, no matter what.” 

“I know. Hey, we still have a few hours before dinner, why don’t we go to the gym, burn off some energy?” 

Emily smiles. “Sounds good to me. It's all gonna work out okay, JJ. I promise.”  

She reaches her hand up to JJ’s cheek, and much to her surprise, JJ doesn’t pull away, instead tilting her head into Emily’s touch. 

“I trust you,” JJ replies quietly.  

“So, the gym?” Emily asks, pulling her hand back before it gets awkward.  

“The gym,” JJ agrees, finally feeling the coldness begin to ebb away.  

JJ wordlessly reaches for Emily’s hand as they walk out the door.