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The sun is likely starting to rise, although they have no way of knowing for sure: no natural light filters all the way down to the deep underground levels where they’re staying. Cristal hasn’t been down there long enough to grow accustomed to the lack of it, and there’s a part of her, like some deeply buried instinct, that seems to tell her when it’s daytime.
Sadia assured her she’d forget, eventually, and Cristal isn’t sure she wants to. The sun is what she misses most about her old life; but for now, she stirs comfortably on the bed, feeling rested for the first time in what feels like years.
She doesn’t want to open her eyes, not yet. The mattress is so soft she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to get up. And most importantly, her lovers are curled up against her and she doesn’t want to wake them. God knows they need sleep even more than she does. The two of them are holding hands over her stomach. Johnny’s face is so close to her neck that she can feel his slow and steady breathing on her shoulder. On her other side, Sadia is lying with one hand under the pillow and her legs tangled with Cristal's.
The sounds of the city are starting to echo through the tunnels, beyond the walls of the room. It took Cristal some time to get used to the ambient noise of the underground: those who live in the towers rarely ever hear the roar of car and train engines. Even the airplanes and private jets that cross the sky are always too far away to be a true nuisance. Cristal spent most of her life above the smog cloud that shrouds the capital, and she used to think she knew what it was like to feel on top of the world. She remembers thinking, shortly after hosting her first shows and looking down at the city below her, that she had made it. How empty it all seems, in retrospect.
Her body is relaxed in a way she didn’t even think possible before joining the Etoiles Noires. She’s still tired, but differently. This is nothing like the sheer exhaustion she used to feel after dance practice or during the long, glittering parties where all she did was smile politely, standing in a golden dress like a collector's doll too expensive to be taken out of its packaging. The ache in her arms and legs from combat training (and, well, from other things) is not pointless anymore. She knows what she’s working towards. Never mind the stiffness she’ll probably feel when she tries to get up, later. All she can focus on right now is the peace that’s flowing through her veins, permeating her mind and flooding the room. Maybe staying like this forever isn’t such a bad idea.
Johnny stirs imperceptibly against her – when he’s asleep, he occasionally takes long, shaky breaths, and Cristal used to assume it meant he was having a nightmare. Now she knows this is a sign that he’s sleeping well , and it's so rare for him that she can't help but smile.
She opens her eyes and turns slightly to look at him in the dim light of the subterranean morning. His pale face is peaceful and there’s even a faint smile playing on his lips. Cristal would kiss him if she weren’t so afraid of waking him up. She washed his hair last night and it smells nice and fresh. As she massaged his scalp and felt the tension in his body melt away, she wondered if he had ever had anyone do this for him. Maybe today, she’ll ask if she can braid it: she’s always looking for an excuse to run her hand through his curls.
Cristal hears the soft rustle of the sheets on her left, but she doesn’t move yet and just revels in the knowledge that Sadia has snuggled closer to her. This is still new to her, and she remembers a time when Sadia would storm out of the room whenever Cristal walked in and rolled her eyes each time she talked. Cristal often wants to tease her about it, but she can't risk disrupting the newfound trust between them. So instead she just waits until they’re alone – the two or the three of them – and kisses her breathless. Sadia used to call her “sweetheart” to taunt her; now she says it like it's a genuine term of endearment.
Cristal makes sure Sadia’s breathing is still slow and regular before shifting to her side to see her. She wants her and Johnny to stay asleep, so she moves as slowly and carefully as she can: their intertwined hands are still resting on her stomach. A few strands of hair partially hide Sadia’s face, but Cristal can see her slight frown which never truly goes away, like she’s always wary of something. Even so, this is the most at peace Cristal has ever seen her.
Maybe this is the most at peace Cristal herself has ever been. The very act of lazing about in bed and not caring about the time or how she looks is something she would never have dreamed of a few months ago. It's funny, she thinks. For the first time in her life, she isn't sure things are going to work out eventually. Every time she steps outside might be the last, they lack food and medical supplies and they have to take turns standing watch in case the police somehow find them, and yet she doesn't want it to stop. It's fine that they have no future to worry about. It's good, just trying to make it through the day.
It would be a lie to say she never thought of going back, especially in the beginning, right after the adrenaline started to wear off. Back when she didn’t really know Johnny or the others, got scared, and thought maybe she had been wrong. She’s glad she let her pride get the best of her and stuck it out, though. She’s done running away. It's getting easier by the day, now that the walls don't feel like they're closing in on her anymore. She finds it ironic that she'd end up earning her freedom by fleeing to the most claustrophobic place in the country. The air down here is polluted and the authorities seem to have abandoned the ventilation systems. Breathing, however, has never been this easy for Cristal.
They’ve been talking, lately (arguing might be a more accurate word for it). Cristal has a plan, one that could change everything and make a real difference – the one thing she’s been striving for. Johnny is reluctant, but she knows that he'll give in eventually, and Sadia hasn't said no yet, which Cristal takes as a good sign.
Granted, she is not exactly sure how they’re going to get their hands on a bomb, let alone escape before it goes off. So what if they have to go down with the tower? She doesn’t care about that either, right now.
All that matters in this moment is that the cold drafts of the tunnels she took so long getting used to can’t get to them. Johnny is snoring lightly, and Cristal didn’t think she could ever love such a simple sound so much. It reminds her of the constant flickering buzz of the neons and she likes hearing it at night because it means Johnny fell asleep first. Sadia’s face is just inches away from hers and she’s tempted to tuck the loose strands covering it behind her ear, but she doesn’t. Instead, Cristal closes her eyes again.
Soon, they’re going to wake up. Johnny will kiss her temple and Sadia will take her hand and bring it close to her chest. Maybe they’ll fight later in the day, maybe Sadia will storm out again and maybe this time she won’t come back. Maybe something will go wrong. Maybe someone will get hurt. For now, at least, they’re okay.
It’s a new kind of warmth that washes over Cristal. For the longest time, she thought humans needed to see the sun to survive. Turns out, she’s doing just fine without it.