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Rafi awoke to Gracie’s warm breath against his back. He was already coming to expect her presence when he woke up. Now his mornings began with a question. His barely conscious mind would seek her out, yearning to get closer. He usually didn’t have to wait long, since she was often wrapped around him. He’d feel the weight of her arm over his ribs, or her hair would be splayed over the pillow next to him like soft clouds that shifted and changed shapes, in no hurry to go anywhere.
A shard of longing pierced his otherwise warm pulsing heart. This was their last morning in the Villa. Unwelcome goodbyes were forcing their way into their love-soaked minds like flies in honey.
The room was always cool and quiet in the mornings just before the sun came up. He’d taken to waking up early these days. Since he and Gracie had coupled up it had felt like a treat. She was always in a good mood when she woke up, greeting him with a sleepy smile, her face so full of delight at seeing him.
They loved each other. It was fast but he was absolutely certain of it.
The days had gone by in a blur of lingering looks, deep kisses, and whispered conversations under stifling duvets. They spent their hours laughing, feeding one another intimate confessions like warm bits of bread.
Everyone newly in love felt like no one had ever loved another person so much in the history of loving, but he was pretty sure it actually was true for them.
And it was cliche to say he loved her laugh but what a laugh it was. Sparkly and bubbly, it rooted into his chest and turned on all the lights inside of him. She took so much pleasure in the world around her that the effect spread to everyone around. They wouldn’t even know what they were laughing at but they did it anyway just for the pure pleasure of getting to laugh along with her. It was the kind of laugh he knew she’d share with their kids one day to cheer them up when they were grumpy or disappointed. He could see their life together unfolding before him and he was ready to run as fast as he could toward it.
But he’d acted in plenty of romantic roles and he knew how this worked. There would be hurtles they’d have to jump. Obstacles blocking their path. They would have to say goodbye soon and start the effort of maneuvering their lives together. There were logistics to be tended to. They didn’t live in the same place. They needed to return to their jobs. They’d have to try to maintain that connection from afar, with a thousand other things to do. They’d both be significantly more sought after now than they had been before. Who wouldn’t be trying to spend their days with her? He’d gone on the show just for the chance at getting to know her.
He remembered seeing her in the flesh for the first time. Like a fool he’d been stuffed in that wardrobe, with almost no clothes on, hoping she would be the one to find him and like a blessing, she appeared. Her eyes bright and curious. Her bathing suit scant, revealing much more than he’d been able to see on the telly. Jesus, he’d wanted to grab her right then and kiss her. But he didn’t, of course. He’d had to wait one more day. An eternity at the time, but a precious blip in retrospect. She’d felt guilty about kissing on their date, he could tell. She was the loyal type. But it was hardly even a choice. They liked each other too much.
His thoughts were disrupted by the gentle press of lips to his shoulder blade. Her arm hung loosely over him as he turned to face her. Her face was soft in the morning light. He slipped his arms around her to pull her closer and their legs tangled together under the blanket. Her kisses were slow, like she was savoring the feel of him. He loved her scent. He couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was but it gave him the same comforting rush as fresh coffee beans. He ran his hand up her spine until he gently squeezed the back of her neck, beckoning her closer, even though they were about as close as they could get. He wanted to feel the pressure of her body against his, so he could feel the full force of her, to create a sense memory of her when he could no longer hold her close.
After a few moments they pulled back so their eyes could greedily dance over each other’s faces. They were still so grateful for the opportunity to look unabashedly at one another. But then he noticed a sheen of unshed tears burdening her eyes. He gave her a questioning look but didn’t push her to say anything. She’d usually volunteer her feelings, once she was ready to do so. Her brow furrowed ever so slightly, but she held his gaze as a tear fully blossomed and streaked down her cheek. It was like she was afraid to look away.
Finally her lips lifted into a fragile smile. “It’s our last morning in the Villa,” she whispered.
He brushed a strand of dark gold hair behind her ear and touched his nose to hers. “I was just thinking that,” he said softly back. He tilted his head to kiss the corner of her mouth. “We have many mornings together ahead of us.”
She breathed a soft laugh, like the thought of it was a relief, but her face quickly wilted into another approximation of a smile. She sighed. “But this is where we fell in love. We won’t be able to come back ever again.”
“It is special…” He looked around the room at the gentle ebb and flow of their roommates’ breaths. She’d been there 9 days longer than he had, so he knew it must be harder for her to say goodbye. “I can’t wait to make new special places with you outside of the Villa.”
Her expression brightened and her fingers unconsciously pressed into his skin. “Can we make a plan to see each other?”
“Ah yes!” They bounced a little as they shifted in excitement. “Well if we win the money, I’m going to plan a trip to Japan as soon as possible. Then you can meet my brother. Maybe I can fly my parents out too.”
Her face melted into a wondering smile. “I get to go to Japan with you?”
“Of course! I mean, if you want to. I’m not sure if you want to spend a week scoping out anime hotspots.”
“Uh, YEAH.” She shoved him playfully.
Someone breathed a huffy breath and rolled over so they quieted down and pulled the duvet over them. They had a pavlovian response to the soft yellow heat under that blanket and started kissing again. He teased at the hem of her shirt, but she pulled back reluctantly, her face soft with sadness again.
“I can’t stand to say goodbye.” Her eyes cast away from him. “I don’t want to lose this closeness.” Her eyes darted almost guiltily back to his face. “Babe… you’re so sexy. Every person will try to steal you away from me. And I won’t be around to remind you how wonderful I am.”
A flare of heat and affection licked at his insides. He liked the idea of her wanting him all to herself. “Well first of all, I don’t need you around for me to remember that. I knew that before I even met you. You’ve been all I can think about since I saw you on the show. And I’m only a thousand times worse off now than I was then.” He leaned close, the air warm around them, and dotted kisses over her cheekbone and neck. “When you leave me, you take all of my love with you.” He pressed another kiss to her jaw. “And I take all of yours with me.”
She hungrily captured his lips with her own. Warmth spread through him and he hooked her leg over him and rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. It sent a shot of fire through them, but their hands took on a reverent tone as they moved over each other's bodies. She looked down at his chest fondly, like she was just happy to look at his skin. They settled into a sweet embrace, her hugging his chest, him stroking his fingers along her back. A wave of bittersweet gratitude came over him. “I don’t want to wake up without you,” he sighed, feeling the weight of the words as he spoke them.
Her voice sounded funny from how her face was pressed against his chest. “Me neither.” He felt warm droplets of her tears land on his chest. “It’s all of those small, quiet moments that I’ll miss the most. Those are the tiny stitches that keep us so close.”
He chuckled at the poetry of her words. Those little observations seemed to flow out of her unselfconsciously. Something about it always made him feel safer. Like he could be himself, whatever that happened to be that day. Acting appealed to him because he could shift and change into a thousand different versions of himself. The way she revealed her mind without hesitation to him, without filter, let him know that he could pour himself out for her, as fluid as he may be. And she would welcome it and love him for it.
“What if we facetime as soon as we wake up?” he suggested.
She gave a soft sniffle of a laugh. “That sounds nice.”
“We won’t even have to say anything. We’ll just look at each other like we do when we wake up together.” He kissed the top of her head, trying to push away the impending certainty of how much he was going to miss her. “We won’t be able to be together right away, but we will be together… Eventually. Every morning.” He said the words like a magic spell or a prayer, trying to will it to transform the wish into a truth through the intensity of his longing.
She lifted her face up to look at him, resting her chin against his chest. She wore a satisfied, almost cocky smile. Like she’d won in the game of winning him over. “You’re right. We’re together now. We should enjoy it.” She wrinkled her face into that little expression of mischief that always hit him with a rush of joy and anticipation. God, she was fun to be around.
He rolled her over, pinning her arms to the bed above her and kissed her hard. She squirmed in delight against him, wrapping her legs tightly around him. She gave him a breathless smile when he pulled away. They shared a pulse of vibrant joy knowing they had each other, and that was everything.