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December 21st
Dear Diary (?)
I never had a diary, I don't know how this stuff works. Mom gave me an old diary she had never used, it's the closest to a birthday gift I have ever gotten from her. I haven't gotten any cake like Elain or a grand party like Nesta but I'm not mad, at least I get the time to draw in my room without any interruptions. I've become pretty good!
Rumor has it that a new boy will be at our school tomorrow, which is weird because it's two days before the holidays. It probably stays a rumor, it wouldn't make sense.
Anyways, I think I'm going to sneak into the kitchen after mom went to bed, I'm getting hungry.
Bye, I guess?
December 22nd
Dear Diary,
Today I have been blessed by god. I didn't expect to make another entry so soon but today the new guy looked at me. OH MY GOD, RIGHT? He totally smiled at me too!! (Delusion aside, he probably saw someone behind me. He doesn't know I exist.)
I hate the stupid lights in the school but I swear the new guy’s eyes looked VIOLET in the light. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I'm totally going to draw himy he's GORGEOUS! Like the men on Nesta's book covers (that she's totally hiding from mom) but a hundred times prettier!
Well, I have to finish my math homework now.
Bye?
January 2nd
Dear Diary,
Christmas was pretty boring that's why I didn't write anything but today was insane! The new guy has a name, Rhysand (beautiful, right?) and he's in my history class! I actually quite like history and our teacher, Ms Weaver, even though everyone is scared of her but Rhysand made it hard to focus!! It's not like I'm mad about it because he's sitting like right in front of me and he smells like citrus and sea (Not that I sniffed him, I'm not a weirdo) he smells SO GOOD and I could just get lost looking at him all the time!
Maybe he'll talk to me someday, wouldn't that be neat?
Shit, mom is coming home and she sounds mad!!!
Bye!
January 4th
Dear Diary,
Today I got Elain’s hand-me-downs! Finally, I've been waiting for this, I needed new pants. Mom refused to buy me new ones because it's my fault I got them paint splattered. It's only one pair that has paint on them, the others are falling apart! But arguing with mum is like arguing with a brick wall, it won't
I found a pretty blue jumper in Elain’s old clothes which makes my eyes pop! I will wear it tomorrow. Not because I have history class and will see Rhysand, it just looks pretty.
I also got a job interview at a run down diner at the edge of the town! Mom can't know, she'd never allow me to work or if she would, she wouldn't allow me to keep the money, she always needs to have everything under control, it's so annoying.
I'm not worried about not getting the job but I hope I can convince them to give me night shifts so mom won't know! Once she's asleep, she's ASLEEP!
I'd say wish me luck but it's only me and the ink, so I guess I wish myself luck.
So excited!
January 13th
Dear Diary,
I am dying. I really am. I'm barely able to write these words down.
Fine, maybe I'm not dying really but it feels like it. I got my period and I literally feel like I'm bleeding out. I feel like someone is stabbing my uterus REPEATEDLY. Why would mother nature be so cruel? Why would my own mother be so cruel to still send me to school like this? That was a trick question, it's my mother. Cruel is carved in her bones and blood and brain. Whatever it is, I can't think through this agony.
Mom says it's normal and I shouldn't be so dramatic and when I tried to talk to Elain she grimaced!! I mean, it's not her fault, I guess. Mom drilled it into Nesta and Elain that these topics are taboo. I think that's stupid because in biology they said periods are natural so why would something natural be taboo?
It doesn't make sense, right?
On a slightly brighter side, Rhysand talked to me yesterday and asked if I was okay!! I am aware he asked because I probably looked like death but a win is a win, right? And his smile when I lied and said I was okay, I was melting into a puddle!
Okay, the water is hot enough for my hot water bottle! I'm gonna chill and listen go Red for the rest of the day until bedtime.
Bye