Archive of Our Own

After hearing that he could continue with Operation Strix, Twilight - no, Loid felt like he could breathe again. His hard work thus far wouldn’t go to waste, and truly, he was the agent best suited for this job. He could also work on a contingency plan for Yor and Anya should he be taken off the mission suddenly. It was something he had never considered before, but clearly, it was not off the table. 

It scared concerned him that one day, Loid would be gone, and he would be leaving both Yor and Anya with nothing. Maybe Yuri would be willing and able to support Yor, but even then, raising a child alone was expensive. Would Anya have to drop out of school if she was no longer needed for Operation Strix? Would she have to be sent to work early to help with bills?

Loid was not going to let that happen. In the case of his forced retirement, he needed to ensure that Anya and Yor would be taken care of. The past few days, he’d been working to make legitimate assets for his current persona, assets that he could pass down to his wife and child in the event of his death or disappearance. 

He ascended the stairs, unable to contain the heavy sigh that sat in his chest. He turned the key and walked in the apartment. “I’m home,” he called out.

“Loid-san!” Yor greeted, drying off a plate with a pink towel that they had bought at Anya’s behest. “Welcome home.” Despite everything - his hard day of both gathering intel, posing as a doctor, and setting up a will for “Loid Forger” - Loid couldn’t help but soften at the sight of Yor. She had an adorable, frilly apron tied on, and she had her dark hair tied back in a loose braid. This simple domesticity was something he would have never dreamed of. You still can’t, his brain reminded him. That’s right. He wasn’t “Loid,” and this wasn’t really his family. All he could really hope for was that he died protecting the fragile peace that teetered on the edge between the East and West. 

“How was your day, Yor-san?”

“Oh, it was a slow day at the office, but it was nice to relax after these hectic weeks. Anya-san and I had the leftovers that you left for us from last night, and they were delicious.” She put down the towel and untied her apron, hanging it on its hook. “How did the dinner go with your colleague?”

“It was certainly interesting. We had a lot to discuss.” Of course, there was no dinner with a colleague. He only had a hotdog from a vendor on the side of the road, too busy with his duties to eat anything else. “Is Anya sleeping?”

“She tried to stay up so she could see you, but she fell asleep on the couch,” Yor giggled. “I put her in bed just a few minutes ago.” 

Disappointment tugged at his heart, no matter how much he wanted to deny it. He looked at the coffee table, papers and crayons scattered all over the surface. “Let’s see what she did here.” He picked up a piece of paper and narrowed his eyes, examining it. The mess of scribbles looked like Anya’s pink hair, some ropes, a room…the cabin in the airship where she was held hostage, where she had almost been killed. Loid felt sick to his stomach.

“Do you know what that is?” Yor asked, looking over his shoulder. “I couldn’t tell what it was.”

Loid gave her a tight smile. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” He set the drawing on the table, face down, and he quietly opened Anya’s door, peeking inside. She was sprawled out on her bed, drool dripping onto her pillow, and Bond acknowledged him with a wag of the tail. “Sorry, Yor-san. I wish I could talk more, but I’m a little tired tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

She smiled softly. “That’s okay. Good night, Loid-san.”

—

Loid ran through the airship, making his way to the deck. He tore the cabin door open and jumped down, eyes flitting back and forth frantically. “Anya? Anya! Answer me!” He walked around the cabin until his foot hit something squishy. It was Anya, lying face down on the floor. “Anya? It’s time to get up.” He shook her shoulder, flipping her over. Her eyes were open, staring right in his direction, but she couldn’t see him. There was no light in her eyes, and her skin was cold and colorless. 

Anya was dead. 

Loid awoke with a start, gasping for breath. 

He scrambled up and ran to Anya’s room, opening the door with a bang. Anya sat up, confused. “Huh? What’s going on?” she said drowsily, barely able to keep her eyes open. “Papa?”

“Boof?”

Loid swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to ground himself. It was not the first time he’d even had a nightmare, but it had been a long time since he woke up so shaken. His hands were trembling, and his shirt was damp with sweat. “Sorry, Anya,” he said hoarsely. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” He walked over to her and patted her on the head, tucking her back into the blankets. “Go back to sleep.”

“Mmkay,” she slurred, and then she was out like a light. 

It happened again the next night, and the next, and the next, and it continued for two more weeks. Every night, he woke up, heart pounding in his chest and fear running cold in his veins. Images of Anya’s dead body were haunting his dreams, and sometimes, her little body was accompanied by Yor’s as well. 

Everytime he woke up, he was completely unable to fall back asleep, wired and anxious. He switched off from pacing the halls or just simply sitting on the couch and staring at the wall. Tonight, he had chosen the latter. He was hunched over, hands tightly folded, and he was so tired that he could barely hold his head up. 

“Loid-san?” He snapped out of his sleepy trance. When had Yor snuck up on him? “What are you doing up?”

Here she was, worrying about him. Loid wasn’t doing a very good job of maintaining a strong front. “Just a bad dream,” Loid breathed, his voice cracking. 

She frowned, eyes softening. “You haven’t slept through the night for two weeks now.”

Of course, she knew. He had been pacing the walls and probably causing all sorts of ruckus. “Sorry, did I bother you?”

She shook her head. “Not at all. I’m just worried about you. I wish there was something more I could do.” She bit her lip. “Loid-san, if you are open to it…” She paused, wringing her hands together. “Would you like to sleep with me tonight?” Loid said nothing, but his mind was going through a thousand possibilities. “I-I don’t mean anything like that!” Yor stammered, waving her hands in front of her. “I just hoped I could comfort you somehow…” Her voice trailed off, and she averted her eyes, cheeks flushed. 

Yor was kind, kinder than Loid deserved. She really was such a wonderful wife - always looking out for him and Anya. It had been so long since he felt cared for…Despite himself, his iron defenses started to crumble. “I’ll take you up on your offer, Yor-san.”

She smiled and motioned for him to follow her. “Well, c-come in then!” She settled in the bed and patted the pillow next to her. “I promise I’ll try to stay on my side.”

Loid laughed. “I’ll live if you don’t.” He sat on the bed and slipped in the covers, maintaining a polite distance from her. “Good night, Yor-san.”

He closed his eyes, but for whatever reason, he just couldn’t fall asleep. There was an incessant noise bothering him, and he wondered if it was always so loud in Yor’s room - if it was, she should have told him so he could fix it for her. He turned to his side, and the soft thumping got louder. He opened his eyes with realization. It was coming from Yor. “Your heart’s racing,” Loid said, surprised. 

Yor chuckled nervously.“W-w-well, I’ve never shared my bed with a man.” 

Loid’s eyes widened, and he almost felt…guilty? Yor trusted him so much. She had never allowed a man to sleep next to her, yet she had made an exception for him. His traitorous heart palpitated, and he swallowed. He knew he shouldn’t - this went against all he had been taught, but tonight, Loid wanted to be a little weak. “Yor-san, I’m going to ask you something, and you can say no.” She nodded, expression confused but welcoming. “Can I hold you?”

Her eyes flitted back and forth, her face such a bright red that he could still see it in the dark. “…yes.”

So as to not scare Yor (and get sucker punched in the face), Loid reached over to place his hands on her arms, slowly sliding them down to settle on her waist. “Is this okay?” She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut, and he let out a breathless chuckle. He wrapped his arms around her fully and pulled her close to his chest, trying his best to ignore how his chest tightened at the way her breath hitched and her hands fisted in his shirt. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

“Anything for you,” she said back, relaxing in his arms. “I’m your wife, after all.” She finally returned his embrace, hands rubbing his back in soothing circles. For the first time in years, Loid felt the tension in his body melt away, and his eyes grew heavy with sleep. 

Maybe this wasn’t permanent, and maybe Loid would regret allowing himself this one moment of weakness. However, all he could think of right now was how his little family was safe, Anya and Bond sleeping soundly in her bed, and his wife was in his arms.