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It’s a strange feeling, she thought. Seeing your girlfriend being so close to another clearly attractive girl, even if it’s just pretend. Ongsa adjusted herself in her seat, looking at the stage where Sun was fixing the hair of her scene’s partner, Lottie. Lottie is a bit taller than Sun and has long brown hair with waves similar to Sun’s, she’s in Alpha's class and is one year older than them. Ongsa never talked to her before, only seeing her at the school’s corridors once in a while or when she needed to pass by her sister’s class to get something she forgot to bring for herself.
She tried not to make a face, to not reveal how bothered she was starting to feel. She had no right, after all. She was the one that refused to get any character in the school’s play and asked to work backstage. She knew Sun wouldn’t want to work with anything that wasn’t the spotlight, she loved the stage and enjoyed acting, so Ongsa was well aware her girlfriend would be participating in the play as an actress. She also knew about how good she was and how it would be stupid of the teacher to not get her a good part on it. She just didn’t expect for it to be one that would have a romantic partner in it.
“Are you okay?”, Alpha asked her, sitting by her side.
“Mhm”, Ongsa responded, not paying much attention to anything.
“You seem upset.” she pointed out, looking at Ongsa like she’s trying to read her mind.
“It’s nothing. I'm just thinking about all the work we still got to do to make the play work.”
“Alright, then, if you say so.” Alpha sighed, not seeming to really buy the excuse. “I’m here if you need me.”
“I know, thank you, Alpha.” she smiled at her sister, thinking about how lucky she was to have her.
★
“Can you help me out with this scene?” Sun asked, getting closer to her. They were sitting on the floor of Ongsa’s room, enjoying one of the weekly studying nights they got used to doing. Ongsa was focused on studying for the English test they had on the day after and was asking for Sun’s help from time to time, relieved that she had the best grades of the class on the subject and was actually helping her make some progress with the language. Sun, on other hand, was studying her lines for the play rather quietly, just taking some notes when it seemed she couldn’t quite picture how the scene would go.
“Sure”, she answered quickly. Sun hadn’t asked for her help with anything related to the play until now. She was always studying and practicing with Lottie, which made sense for Ongsa since they were partners in it. Something she couldn’t quite put a finger on still bothered her about it, but she chose to put it aside and since she was never present when the actors were in their rehearsal, she didn’t think much of it.
“Thank you”, Sun smiled and got closer, handing her the paper with the script in it. It had Sun and Lottie’s names in different colors to highlight which line was whose. “Now, see, you only need to read this line and then you will put your hand on my waist. I will do the rest. Ok?”
“Ok.”
“You can start, then.”
“Alright.” Ongsa took a deep breath, looking at the line that was designated to Lottie. “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can live without you.” she read a bit monotonously and Sun bit her lips, holding a giggle. Ongsa just looked at her and got even closer than they were, putting her hand on her waist.
“Then don’t! Don’t leave me here, don’t go with anyone else.” Sun said her lines without looking at any paper, putting the emotion on her eyes. Ongsa started to get mesmerized by the way her girlfriend acted. “Please, stay.” Sun then placed her hand on Ongsa’s cheeks and caressed it softly.
Ongsa gulped, like it was the first time seeing Sun so up close. And Sun smiled, closing the space between them and kissing Ongsa’s lips with all the softness one could bare. That only she bared (at least, on Ongsa’s opinion).
And then Sun’s phone started ringing and they had to stop.
“Oh, shit, I forgot I had planned to watch a movie with my mom today.” Sun pouted like she was a kid losing her favorite toy. “I’m sorry, Ongsa, I need to go” she kissed Ongsa’s cheek quickly and got up, leaving the house as fast as she could so her mom wouldn’t get upset. Ongsa only had the chance to shout for her to be careful driving.
And when she was finally alone with her thoughts, she realized.
They were reading the script when Sun kissed her.
They were reading the script for the play Sun was gonna be starring in.
And Sun kissed her.
She was reading the part that belonged to someone else and Sun kissed her.
Sun kissed her on character .
Sun was gonna kiss another girl for the play, in front of the entire school.
In front of her .
Ongsa suddenly felt like she was going to faint.
★
The day after, Ongsa left for school with a billion thoughts on her mind, the same ones that had kept her mostly awake the night before.
Why didn’t Sun tell her she was gonna kiss Lottie for the play?
Why did the teacher chose this stupid story?
Why were they allowing people to kiss on school like that?
Why didn’t Lottie talked to her about it? Didn’t she have any respect for the fact she was Sun’s girlfriend?
Wait, no. Ongsa knew Lottie didn’t need to ask for her permission for anything. It was a play, she would be doing her part and only Sun could say if a kiss would make her uncomfortable. She didn’t have any say on it. But why didn’t Sun told her about it? She sighed, tired of feeling so many things at the same time.
“Why the long face?” Tinh asked.
“Huh? I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” Charoen responded. “What’s wrong? Do you need me to pray for you?”
“No, no, it’s not that.”
“What is it, then? Did anyone make you upset?”
“Did you and Sun fight?”
“What? No-”
“What do you mean we fought?” Sun entered the conversation, with a confused smile on her face. “Are you upset with me?”
“No, no, I’m not!” Ongsa’s eyes were wide now, anxious with all the sudden fuss. Her friends were truly something.
“Hehe, we were just asking Ongsa if everything was okay.” Tinh explained, a bit shyly.
“Yeah and as I was saying, everything is fine.” Ongsa smiled quite fakely and Sun seemed to notice it.
Before she could say anything, though, Lottie appeared out of nowhere. “Hey, Sun! Can I borrow you for some time before class? I need to test some of my lines.”
Without noticing, Ongsa squinted her eyes a bit. She immediately thought about how it was rude of Lottie to not talk to anyone else when she arrived. She started thinking too about how she has always been kind of annoying with people around her from what she noticed. Tinh and Charoen exchanged looks with her and then with themselves. Ongsa gulped a bit, maybe it was a bit obvious now the reason why she was with a face earlier.
“Yeah, sure! I will see you guys in class.” Sun waved goodbye after placing a quick kiss on Ongsa’s cheek.
Ongsa could no longer hide the roll of her eyes when she saw Lottie saying something that made Sun giggle cutely. When she looked at her friends again, they were sharing a knowing grin. “What?!”
“Are you jealous?” they both asked.
“What? No, of course not.”
“Ongsa…” Tinh started.
“Let’s go to class!” she interrupted.
★
And then, it became frequent.
Every time they were at some kind of break at school in the last couple of days, Lottie showed up out of nowhere to ask Sun to practice whatever bullshit she wanted and Sun would go. She looked sorry, at least. And Ongsa couldn’t really blame her, it wasn’t like she talked to her about this discomfort with her in their moments together. She didn’t want to bother Sun like this, she knew she was really excited about the whole play thing and it would be a bummer for her to stress over how this sudden proximity to Lottie was making her feel.
She also didn’t want to open up about those kind of insecurities, she didn’t want to lose Sun because of her whining about not feeling good enough. She thought they were lots of girls way prettier than her interested in her girlfriend, so she shouldn’t cause her any troubles or reasons for her to start seeing that too.
But, it was becoming unbearable.
She felt like she couldn’t even breathe next to Sun without Lottie appearing milliseconds after. Yesterday, for the first time, she directed her words to Ongsa and it was to tell her to not worry and that she would “take care of Sun”. Ongsa was starting to feel like she was going to explode.
And no, she wasn’t jealous. She wasn’t someone to feel those kind of things. She had been bothered before by some boys going around Sun, but that wasn’t jealousy, she knew her girlfriend came to understand she didn’t like masculine attention like that. It was protectiveness . Now, she was just pissed off by how that girl was rude with her and her friends, and how she was trying to steal her girlfriend’s attention from her. Did she think she had a chance with sun? Was that it? Maybe she did, but Ongsa knew Sun would never cheat on her and-
“Sun!” Lottie, again, showed up close to her, interrupting her thoughts. This time, Ongsa hadn’t even seen her girlfriend, she was a bit late and was getting close to them. That is, before being stopped in the way for Lottie with her long stupid hair and flirty smile.
“Woah, Ongsa, are you going to kill someone?” Alpha asked, teasing her sister because of the look of her face.
“What?”
“We’ve been telling her she’s feeling something…” Tinh giggled.
“I’m not!”
“Sure, isn’t. Does Sun know?” Luna showed up with Aylin, already smiling at the way Ongsa was starting to panic with the attention.
“There’s nothing to know!” every time she spoke, her voice got higher.
“Human, you are jealous.” Aylin concluded.
“I’m not-” before she could finish her sentence, she heard Lottie’s voice saying something very similar. Something about practicing with Sun again some part that she had to say she couldn’t live without her. The same scene Sun practiced with Ongsa. And kissed her on it.
Wait a minute.. Were they practice-kissing?
Ongsa was starting to feel like she was going to throw up.
“Sun!” she almost shouted, making Sun and some other students close to them look at her. Ongsa’s cheeks were immediately red. Sun smiled at her, her eyes shining the moment they met Onga’s. She hurried close to her and gave her a tight hug. Lottie followed her, not talking to anyone around as usual.
“Hi!” she smiled even bigger and Ongsa’s heart skipped a beat.
“Sun, can we go?” Lottie interrupted once again. And this time, Ongsa saw red.
“I-”
“Not right now, I need to talk to her.” Ongsa spoke before Sun could. Lottie looked at her with some kind of impatience, and she gulped a bit, trying to hold her ground. Sun looked confused. Her friends were hiding smiles. “Let’s go outside?” Sun only nodded at the question, holding her hand and following her to some more private part of the building.
“What’s wrong?” Sun looked worried.
“Nothing, it’s just… Hum… I…” she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t think before saying that, she didn’t have anything to say.
Maybe it was true, maybe she was jealous.
“Are you upset with me?”
“No!” she hurriedly answered. “It’s not that, it’s just… That girl… She’s… Hum…” she stared at the floor, frustrated for not being able to put it out there.
“Ongsa.” Sun called, putting one of her fingers on Ongsa’s chin. “Look at me.”
Relutanctly, Ongsa did. She looked at Sun and her eyes started to water, a pout forming in her lips before anything. She didn’t want to lose her, not over this. She wanted to be confident enough, so her girlfriend wouldn’t have to worry about anything like this.
“Hey, don’t cry. What’s wrong?” Sun cupped her face, getting closer to her so they could be staring right at each other’s eyes.
“I don’t…” she took a deep breath. “I don’t like that girl.”
Sun smiled like she already knew. “Are you jealous?”
“I…” she took a step behind. “You didn’t tell me you were going to kiss her on the play! She doesn’t even say hi to any of our friends! That’s so rude! And she just keeps stealing you from me at any chance she gets! I’m not jealous, I just don’t like her!” the more Ongsa talked, the bigger Sun’s smile was getting.
“Ongsa! Where did you get the idea I was going to kiss her?”
“You… You practiced with me a scene you would do with her and you kissed me at the end.”
“Of course I did, you are my girlfriend and you were very close to me, I had to.”
“But, you were in character…”
“No, I just wanted you to give me attention ‘cause you were too focused on studying for your English test and… And I was too shy to ask you to stop to cuddle.” she explained, putting one her hair strands behind her red ear when saying the last part.
“Oh…”
“Yeah, oh. Have you been thinking I was going to kiss her this whole time?” her eyes were gleaming, like she couldn’t believe how silly Ongsa could be.
“Yeah, I just…” she looked down again “I thought you would and that you forgot to tell me and I don’t know… She’s way prettier than me, I didn’t want to say anything to make you upset and break up with me to be with her…”
“What… What are you talking about?” Sun looked outraged now. “Ongsa, look at me” she demanded this time. “You are my girlfriend. You are the most beautiful girl to ever exist. I would never want anyone else. And I would never get upset or want to break up just because you are feeling bothered by something. I feel jealous too, you know that. And you know, everything else… You can tell me anything.” she was looking so deeply into Ongsa’s eyes that Ongsa felt like her stomach would jump out of her body. “I’m sorry Lottie has been being so rude with everyone and I didn’t do anything about it. I don’t think she’s the best at talking with people, but I will talk to her to don’t do it again. Ok?” she waited for an answer.
“Ok…”
“I’m sorry I didn’t notice you were so upset, I had my suspicions you might be have been jealous, but I didn’t think it was because of all this. But, don’t worry, nothing is going to happen and I would never kiss anyone on scene without saying it to you before. And I will practice less at school, so we can spend more time together” she smiled as sweetly as ever.
“Okay.. I’m so-”
“Nope!” Sun quickly interrupted her, giving her the first kiss on her cheek. And then, she started a whole attack of kisses on her face, staying on both tiptoes so she could reach Ongsa, until Ongsa was giggling like a little kid. “Now, let’s go to class, ok?” she offered her hand and Ongsa took it gladly.
“Thank you.” she received another kiss on the cheek for that.
★
At their break between classes, Sun denied before Ongsa could even process that Lottie was inviting her to practice their lines and that made her have to hide a big smile. It was a good thing that she had opened up like that to her girlfriend and Sun truly was the best one she could ever get. Sun winked at her and excused herself to the use the bathroom and Ongsa went to sit with her friends while waited for her.
They were talking about random stuff from their classes and upcoming tests when they were suddenly interrupted. This time, it wasn’t for Lottie. It was for a short-haired girl that, as far as Ongsa remembered, was taking photos in some school events. She smiled directly at Ongsa, and she smiled back shyly, feeling embarrassed for not remembering her name.
“Ongsa! I heard you were upset earlier.” she said calmly, sitting next to Ongsa without even asking for any permission. “Did you break up with Sun and are finally single? I have a strong shoulder you can cry on to get over her.” she, in fact, put one of her arms around Ongsa’s shoulders, leaving her with an open mouth, just like the rest of her friends.
“Wha-”
“What are you saying?” Sun meddled in, with her hands on her own waist. “Would you take your arm off my girlfriend?”
“Oh, I thought you ha-”
“Yeah, yeah, I know what you thought.” Sun rushed the girl out of her seat. “Now you know it is not true, you can leave me and my, and only my, girlfriend. Thank you.” she smiled so fakely Ongsa felt embarrassed for the other girl.
“Sun…” Tinh started and then busted out laughing with the rest of them. Sun pouted even more, and Ongsa bit her lips to hold her own laugh, hugging her girlfriend.
“You are so jealous.”
“I told you.” she murmured, with her head resting on her shoulder. “I don’t want anyone else.”