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He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment his new team became his family. Looking back, it was more of a series of moments, some quiet, some chaotic, that took Station 19 from colleagues, to friends, to family. Ben often put on a show of groaning and complaining when they jokingly called him Dad, but he would be lying if he said his heart didn’t warm a little each time they did.
He liked it when they came to him for advice. He liked that he was one of the few people who could calm Andy from a spiral, or make Travis laugh with a corny joke, or get Jack to sleep again after being woken for a call, even if it was with what Jack called his “boring-ass surgery stories.” He hated to admit it, but these kids had a special place in his heart.
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Maya
She looked absolutely beautiful. Her white dress, her hair, and the bouquet in her arms, all looked incredible. The only thing taking away from how gorgeous Maya looked in that moment was the tears in her eyes. Her glassy eyes met Ben’s concerned ones in the mirror, and she plastered a fake smile on her face as she turned around.
“Hey,” she said, her voice cracking despite obvious efforts to stop it. “I’m almost ready.”
“Maya,” Ben said, not unkindly as he walked up to her. “What’s wrong?”
She laughed, although the sound was full of pain, not humour. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.” She sniffed and laughed again, this time self-deprecating. “I’m about to marry the most incredible woman in the world. All the people I love the most are here to celebrate with us.” Her voice began to break. “And I have the most amazing job. I am the first female fire captain in Seattle. I have a gold medal for crying out loud! There isn’t anything wrong.”
Ben didn’t say anything, just gently laid a hand on her shoulder and handed her a tissue as the first of the tears broke free and began to roll down her cheeks. Maya took it gratefully and dabbed lightly at her face, avoiding messing up Andy’s makeup job.
“My dad’s not here,” she cried softly, the facade finally broken down. “I don’t like him, and he’s terrible and he’s mean and I don’t want him here, but,” she sighed, looking at Ben as more tears gathered in her eyes. “I’m getting married and my dad’s not here.” At that, despite her efforts, the sobs broke free.
Again, Ben didn’t say anything. There was nothing he could say that would take away the decades of pain that Maya’a father put her through, that could change the fact that she didn’t have the type of father that would celebrate this day with her. But there was one thing he could do. He wrapped his arms around Maya and pulled her close.
He just held her as she fell apart against him. He gently ran his fingers through her hair as she cried, taking care not to mess up Andy’s hard work.
After a few minutes she pulled away, having mostly composed herself. “I’m sorry,” she said, not looking at him.
“Hey,” he said, lightly tapping her chin with his thumb. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. You think this is crying? Just wait until you and Carina walk down the aisle. Herrara and I have a bet over whether Gibson or Montgomery is going to burst into tears first.”
It was a lame joke, but it had the desired effect as a small, but genuine smile crossed Maya’s lips. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Thank you.”
Ben smiled back. “Let’s go get you married.”
Jack
Gibson looked so much younger in his sleep.
When he had shown up to the station earlier that day, Ben wanted to cry. Jack had really changed in the few months since he had left 19. He was thinner, his hair was long and unkept, and there were permanent dark circles under his eyes. Ben could tell he wasn’t sleeping, and probably not eating much either. He looked like he bore the weight of the world on his shoulders, and there was a deep depression lurking in his eyes.
Despite all of this, he always had a smile for Pru. Jack hadn’t been around much lately, and Ben was constantly trying to answer Pru’s questions about where her favourite uncle was. When he was there though, and he saw Pru, he lit up and the dark clouds disappeared, if only for a moment. There was still a sadness in his eyes, but he put it all aside in those moments so his niece wouldn’t know anything was wrong.
When Jack came into the clinic that morning, Ben made sure to see to him himself. He replaced his brace and tried to get him to talk. He even used his dad voice that the team teases him about. He let Jack give him shit about the state of the clinic, and in turn gave him shit about seeing Pru more often and living in his truck. He tried to push him to come back, at least to the clinic, but the younger man just changed the subject. Ben could tell he was exhausted, so he cut the lecture short and sent him to bed. Jack went with little argument, showing just how run down he was.
That was two hours ago. The demand in the clinic had started to slow down, and Ben took the opportunity to go check on his teammate. He knocked lightly on the door of Jack’s bunkroom, and quietly opened the door when he didn’t get an answer. Jack was curled up in the middle of the bunk, hair still slightly damp from his shower. His eyes were closed but his brow was furrowed, like he couldn’t escape his troubles even in sleep.
As Ben watched, Jack began to mumble in his sleep as his breathing picked up slightly. Recognizing the nightmare for what it was, Ben cautiously stepped into the room, trying not to wake the younger man. He reached up to run a gentle hand through Jack’s hair, while making gentle shushing noises. “It’s ok,” he whispered. “You’re home, Jack. You’re safe.”
It took a few minutes, but the sleeping firefighter slowly began to calm and his breathing evened back out. Ben felt his heart warm a little as he realised that Jack had unconsciously leaned into his touch. He kept up the gentle motion for another few minutes until he was sure that Jack was sleeping peacefully. Before he got up, he reached over to pull the blanket up over Jack’s shoulders, and gently tucked it in around him. With one last look at his friend, Ben headed back down to the clinic.
Andy
He hadn’t meant to scare her.
When he had climbed up on that roof and started venting, he wasn’t thinking about Pruitt Herrera and how he had died venting a roof. He wasn’t thinking about Andy seeing him on that roof and reliving the loss of her father. The only things Ben was thinking about was doing his job, and saving the people trapped in the house.
And then he fell through the roof, and all he was thinking was, ow .
He made it out with the first victim, but he wasn’t able to go back in for a second. Logically he knew that if his team hadn’t held him back, the only thing that would be different is that he would be dead too. But it didn’t lessen the guilt he felt for breaking his promise.
He was sitting on the back of the ambulance breathing deeply through the oxygen mask that was handed to him, getting a pat on the shoulder from his teammates as they passed him, stripping off their gear. He glanced up from the mask for a second, and caught Andy’s eye.
She looked devastated. Her eyes were filled with tears, and her hands were shaking. It clicked for Ben in that moment what had just happened. He had almost died. Not only that, he had almost died the exact same way Andy’s father had. It took a long time for her to get past the loss of her father, and even now he’d catch her lingering on his photo in the lobby. And now she had almost had to watch as yet another family member, another father figure, died while venting a burning building.
“Andy, I-” he started, but she cut him off
“You fell through the roof!” She was trembling as the words came out in a sob.
Ben looked at her with guilt in his eyes. “I know,” he said. He wanted to say more, maybe to apologize, but Andy was called to help with overhaul and Vic was manhandling him into the ambulance.
He got Miranda to drop him off at the station on the way home that night, with some lame excuse about getting his car. She clearly didn’t buy it, but she didn’t say anything either. She just squeezed his good hand and gave him an understanding smile, before driving.
He walked into the bunkroom and caught Andy just as she came out of the bathroom, toothbrush in hand. “Hey,” she said, clearly surprised to see him there. “How are you feeling?” she asked, as she passed him to put her toothbrush back in her locker.
“All good,” Ben replied. “Just gotta keep this cast on for a few weeks and I’ll be good as new.”
“Good, that’s good,” she said, not looking at him.
“Look Andy-“ he began.
“Don’t,” she said, cutting him off. “I’m fine. You made it out, the team is safe, everything’s fine.”
“Then how come you won’t look at me?” Ben asked.
She sighed, taking a deep breath before turning around and finally meeting his eyes. “You fell through the roof,” she said quietly, her voice sounding broken.
“I know.”
Andy sniffled, trying to compose herself, but a tear broke free and rolled down her cheek. “When you fell it felt like I couldn’t breath. I kept thinking about my dad. I can’t lose you the same way.” Her voice was shaking.
Ben cautiously stepped closer. “I know,” he said again. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”
She looked at him seriously. “Don’t do it again.”
Ben let out a soft chuckle. “Yes ma’am.” He lent forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
Dean
A few years of firefighter under his belt and Ben’s body was now trained to be instantly alert when woken up suddenly. It was useful for when there was an emergency in the middle of the night, but not so much for a phone call at 3am on his night off. He would have ignored it, but he didn’t want to deal with a pissed off, sleep deprived Miranda.
“Somebody better be dying, Miller,” he said, hitting the answer button.
Dean ignored his greeting. “She won’t stop crying!”
Ben furrowed his brow. “What? Who?”
“Pru! I fed her, changed her, and sang her like 10 songs but she won’t stop crying! I don’t know what to do. There must be something wrong with her. Oh god, maybe she’s sick! Should I take her to the hospital?” Dean said, without taking a breath.
“Woah, woah, breathe man.” Ben looked back at his pillow, and let out a wistful sigh. “I’ll be right over.”
15 minutes later, still in his pyjamas, the disgruntled firefighter found himself knocking on the door of the boathouse. He had barely touched it when it was ripped open by a panicking Dean, with little baby Pru on his chest in her baby sling, still crying. Dean looked exhausted, and like he was going to start crying too if Pru didn’t stop soon.
“Thank god you’re here-” Dean was cut off by the beep of the microwave, and he turned to retrieve whatever was in there, leaving the door wide open. Ben followed, closing the door behind him. He watched as Dean pulled what looked like a small blanket out of the microwave.
“What the hell is that?” Ben asked.
Dean glanced up at him briefly, more focused on the warm piece of pink cloth he was trying to wrap around Pru. “It’s uh, it’s a heated blanket for babies. It’s supposed to help them sleep. Something about feeling like a mother’s hug.” Despite the blanket, Pru’s crying continued. Ben was having trouble believing that such a loud noise was coming out of such a tiny person. Dean groaned in frustration. “Why isn’t it working!”
“Ok, ok,” Ben said, coming closer. “Give me the baby.”
“What?”
“She’s crying because she can sense how stressed you are, and it’s stressing her out. So hand her over.” He held his hands out. Dean sighed, before undoing the baby sling and passing her to Ben. Ben pulled her close, making cooing noises as he cradled her against his chest. “Now you, go take a shower, relax, and Pru and I will make you something to eat.”
By the time Dean was out of the shower and the frozen pizza was ready, Pru had stopped crying and fallen asleep. “How-how did you do that?” Dean asked, resting the towel around his neck.
“I told you,” Ben replied. “She can sense when you’re freaking out. If you’re calm, she’ll be calm. Now come sit and eat.” While Dean was in the shower he had figured out how to make the baby sling work, and he took advantage of having his hands free to carry the two plates of pizza over to the couch.
Dean followed obediently, dropping down heavily next to Ben. “Thank you for this, man. I’m sorry I freaked and dragged you out here in the middle of the night.”
Ben let out a soft chuckle. “Don’t worry about it. That’s what family’s for, right?”
Twenty minutes later the pizza was gone, and both father and daughter were fast asleep. Pru still snuggled up against Ben’s chest, and Dean stretched out on the couch with his head in Ben’s lap. Ben accepted that he was there for the night and that he would be dealing with a sore back tomorrow. It was worth it, if it meant that both Millers would sleep tonight. He leaned back against the couch cushions, holding both of them close as he drifted off to sleep himself.
Vic
“Damnit!”
Ben entered the kitchen of the firehouse as Vic swore and threw a smoking pan into the sink. He rushed forward as her heart monitor started going off. It had been under control for a while, and Vic had been back on active duty for a few weeks now.
Ben rushed over, reaching for the monitor on her wrist. “Hey, hey, hey, calm down Hughes.”
Vic snatched her wrist back, turning the beeping off. “I’m fine,” she said. “I just burnt the chicken. It pissed me off but I’m fine.”
“Vic,” Ben gave her what Travis dubbed his ‘dad look.’ “Yesterday I saw you carry three people out of a burning building without setting that monitor off. What’s going on?”
“Nothing!” She yelled, trying to be angry but he could see her eyes fill with tears. She dropped her head between her shoulders, and pursed her lips to hold back a sob. “He’s dead,” she whispered, voice coming out broken. She looked up, meeting Ben’s gaze as he rested a hand on her shoulder. “Dean’s dead and I don’t know what to do. And I’m so angry all the time.”
“I miss him too,” Ben replied. He gently rubbed her shoulder with his thumb.
A tear rolled down her cheek. “It’s not fair. He had a daughter, and a sister, and parents who loved him and now he’s just- he’s just gone.” More tears broke loose as Vic’s body began to shake with the sobs that she could no longer hold back.
“Come here,” Ben said, pulling her into his arms. He cradled her head with one hand and rubbed her back with the other. Vic buried her face in his neck, finally accepting comfort as she twisted her hands in the back of Ben’s shirt.
There wasn’t anything to say. Dean’s death had devastated all of them, Vic most of all. It would take a long time for them to heal. But they were still a family, and they would heal together.
Travis
He found Montgomery alone in the firehouse rec room. The younger man was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, his posture defeated. He had been uncharacteristically quiet after returning from the Crisis One call, where he admitted to the patient, and in front of Emmett, that he didn’t really love him. Ben wasn’t excusing what he did, but Travis was his teammate. His family. And right now he needed someone to not look at him like he was a monster.
Ben knocked on the doorframe, before entering. “Hey,” he said. Travis looked up at him, but looked down in shame as soon as he met Ben’s eyes.
“Look, I really can’t deal with a ‘Warren lecture’ right now, Ok? I know I screwed up.”
“I wasn’t going to give you a lecture,” Ben replied. He walked over and sat beside Travis on the couch. “I just wanted to check in on you. See if you’re ok.”
Travis scoffed. “I’m not ok,” he said. I just broke the heart of an amazing, kind man, harshly and publicly. What about that is ok?”
“I admit, it wasn’t your best.”
“That feels like an understatement.”
“Why did you do it?”
Travis looked at him. “You mean other than because I’m a heartless monster?”
“Travis.”
Travis sighed. Ben watched as he played with his fingers, seemingly struggling to find the right words. “I just- it was never going to work. Emmett and me.”
“Why not?”
“Because I was never going to work!” Travis’ voice raised as he lifted his head and looked Ben in the eyes. “There is nothing wrong with Emmett. But being with him felt wrong. Being with this incredible guy felt wrong because I am ashamed. I carry this shame around for who and how I love. And I try to ignore it, because logically I know there’s nothing wrong with it, and that I should be proud, but,” he sighed, looking back down.
Ben understood what he was trying to say. “Your father did a real number on you, huh?”
“He taught me to be ashamed of who I am. I’ve tried to break free from it, and being with Michael helped, but then he died. And all of those old feelings came back.”
Ben reached over to rest a comforting hand on Travis’ back. “It isn’t right what your father did to you. You deserved better. But so does Emmett.” He waited for Travis to meet his eyes again. “I think you know what you need to do.”
Travis gave him a thankful smile. “Yeah, I do.” He sat back against the cushions, rubbing his eyes.
Ben watched as the emotional turmoil seemed to sap the energy out of the younger firefighter, as he rested his head against the back of the couch. “For the record, if you were my son, I would be very proud of who you are”
The brown eyes watching him clouded over with emotion, and his lip began to tremble slightly. “Thank you,” he said, voice shaky. “That means a lot.”
Ben didn’t reply, just smiled at him as he leaned back against the couch cushions as well. He felt Travis’ head land on his shoulder, and soon the younger man’s breathing evened out as he fell asleep.
Ben
He thought he was going to die.
It had just been another routine call. A hardware store was on fire, and Ben was sent in with Gibson and Montgomery to evacuate civilians. They had done so, and gone in for a quick, final sweep, which based on the fire pattern they should have had more than enough time for. What they didn’t account for was the shady owner of the store, who neglected to tell them about his abandoned renovation project. Not only was the ceiling unstable due to his unfinished work, but it was full of cheap, flammable insulation. Jack and Travis had made it out but Ben, who had been following right behind them, got cut off as a piece of the ceiling suddenly crashed down, landing on him and pinning him to the ground. Jack and Travis had tried to free him, but another piece fell down in between them, also on fire, blocking their access to him. They had been forced to retreat.
It took them almost twenty minutes to get back to him with hoses and the rest of the team in tow, as the exposed insulation caused the fire to spread quickly. By that time the fire was all but encompassing him, and Ben’s oxygen tank was bordering on empty, leaving him lightheaded. His vision was blurry and he was very out of it when Sullivan and Bishop hoisted him between them and carried him out.
He woke up a few hours later to a very worried and very pissed off Miranda, who alternated between fussing over him and reprimanding him for almost getting himself killed.
His attention was caught by a commotion out in the hall. He heard Andy’s voice, yelling to someone about seeing him for themselves, and then Owen’s voice arguing back about protocol. Andy’s voice was then backed up by four other familiar voices, cut off by Hunt yelling “Fine! Fine, you can go in and see him. But be quick, he needs his rest.”
A second later, his team burst into the room, followed by the exasperated trauma surgeon. They immediately surrounded his bed, Maya grabbing his hand and Travis reaching back to adjust his pillow. He looked around at them, registering the fear on their faces. It warmed his heart, but also made him feel guilty. He didn’t mean to scare them. “I’m okay guys. I promise”
Everyone whipped around to Vic as a loud sob suddenly escaped her. “Sorry. I’m sorry,” she said, getting herself under control. Jack, who was next to her, wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders, without looking away from Ben.
They stood around for a few minutes, making small talk, and mostly just reassuring themselves that Ben was okay. They were disturbed by Owen clearing his throat.
“Look guys,” he said, not unsympathetically. “I know you want to stay, but visiting hours ended a few hours ago. It’s family only.”
“Hunt, it’s ok.” Ben replied, giving him a look that said not to argue. He looked around at the scared, sad faces of his team, and felt a surge of love and protectiveness so strong it almost took his breath away. “They are family.”