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Deep breaths, Justice…
It didn’t really matter how many times it happened, coming out to someone was always stressful for Apollo. He wasn’t remotely ashamed of who he was, or what strangers thought of him; but it was the opinions of those closest to him that left him tight-lipped and hesitant to talk about his gender identity with. It was a matter of trust- but one that felt so fragile, because it could be broken from the most ill-conceived misconceptions, and in those moments, he rarely, if ever, had any control over what those reactions would be.
Those times where friends who you’d always felt close to turned their back on you- despite nothing really changing once they knew- those were the moments that stuck with him. The losses that hurt the most. Was it anything you did? No, it’s just you as a person. Okay, great, thanks. Love that for me.
At this point, most of the people in the Wright Anything Agency knew he was Trans. It had been a different matter with each of them- Trucy, surprisingly, the hardest for him. Not through any fault of her own, of course. There was just something about telling her that was harder than the rest. Like it mattered more. When he did, though, she took a moment to let him speak seriously without teasing the second she realized how stressed out he was- probably from all the sweating- It was like a breath of fresh air. He had never had anything to worry about, and he knew it, but the pure relief he felt when it was finally said out loud, and she thanked him for telling her, getting up to just hug him, was like nothing else. She admitted, in truth, that she had already suspected- and while it caught Apollo off guard at first, she explained quickly that she’d seen some sanitary items around once that she knew weren’t hers- and Apollo was an embarrassed mess all over again.
Damn you, pre-IUD days.
Trucy’s father, Mr. Wright, and his boss was arguably more of a risk- his extremely high opinion of the man had long since been shattered shortly after their first meeting, but still, it wasn’t like Apollo didn’t respect him- or look up to him, even. It was just different now. It was based on a real relationship, and not one borne of hours of old trial recordings and newspaper articles about Phoenix Wright- the Turnabout Terror. Telling him was always going to be more of a risk. Sure, he was always accepting- but he was often a little clumsy in his execution with trying to be subtle on subjects he didn’t understand. That, and the man was his boss. If it did turn out, like it had before, that Mr. Wright was some sort of transphobe, Apollo would likely have lost the facsimile of a job he had at the Wright Anything Agency. He never did, under his last job. Not with the risk, and Kristoph Gavin’s imposing demeanor, as much as he desperately wanted to.
Mr. Wright was quietly contemplative at first, listening attentively as Apollo began to ramble, insisting that his gender didn’t really change anything, and there weren’t any issues with how anyone had been treating him thus far- and trying to explain, in some small way, why it was important to him that the people closer to him knew about it at all. Apollo would have kept going- spiraling- if Phoenix hadn’t intervened and assured him he was okay, before shockingly respectfully asking a few questions on how they could better accommodate him. Mentioning among them an adjustment to the health insurance they had in place, trying to recall if it had anything about HRT in the plan, and whether they could get Apollo some kind of discount- ever frugal, Apollo thought- but possibly one of the few moments that he really felt like Mr. Wright truly was a reliable, professional boss.
Once Apollo, flustered, had answered his boss’ queries, Mr. Wright let out a long sigh, relaxing his shoulders and turning away from his computer again to face Apollo directly. And with possibly the softest expression Apollo had seen on the man’s face, he stepped around the desk, offering the shorter man a smile, placing a hand on his shoulder, and told him that it meant a lot that he felt like he could trust him with that and as a friend, thanked him, reassuring him that he’d be in his corner no matter what.
Apollo nearly cried then, if he was honest. There was something about that coming from Mr. Wright that healed something in him, he thought. Though he couldn’t point to what.
Athena he hadn’t told. Not yet. But surprisingly, he wasn’t nervous about that one at all. Athena had, since his time knowing her, been extremely outspoken about her opinions and ideals. Knowing that she was loudly (And occasionally aggressively) supportive of Trans people online and in real life was extremely validating. It made him feel seen, and it made him feel safe with her. He knew he’d be able to tell her when the time came.
But it was… harder, with other people.
Even if he’d known them for longer, it was harder when the subject just doesn’t come up within certain relationships, or there are things that make the stakes feel much much higher.
Apollo hadn’t told Klavier Gavin he was trans. Yet.
He didn’t feel the need to tell everyone- in fact he was rather selective, usually- but recently, his relationship with Klavier had changed, and it was making the impending conversation all the more stressful.
It was, at this point, tragically undeniable that Apollo had grown far closer to the prosecutor rockstar than he had ever expected. He’d always known Klavier was attractive- I mean, look at him- but it was his personality; kind, intelligent, and endlessly passionate that had won Apollo over. And, in a shocking turn of events, he felt, just maybe, that those burgeoning feelings were being reciprocated. Though God only knows why.
It was because of this, and the last few times they had met, which were beginning to feel less and less like coworkers meeting up to discuss case notes and more like actual dates where they just enjoyed each other's company that Apollo finally wanted to tell him. Not that he felt he had to- but that he wanted to. Klavier had always been good to him. He’d always been a man of integrity, and more than that, Apollo felt like he could trust him- but still…
…coming out to someone was always stressful. And now, with his heart on the line, he felt the pressure more than ever.
“Herr Forehead- what is happening behind that large expanse of yours? It must be compelling,”
Klavier's comfortable, flirtatious tone brought Apollo right back to the present. They were in a small coffee shop- one that had little booths with decent privacy to them. A seating choice that Apollo had made intentionally when they came in. He let out a small huff to cover up his nervousness at Klavier’s comment. “Nothing I’m likely to share with someone who enjoys mocking me so much,” he retorts.
“Ah, you misunderstand,” Klavier waves a hand dismissively, letting out a lighthearted laugh and picking up his own, unfinished coffee. “I would not mock you for one of your best features. I’m only speaking sincerely, I assure you. I am very fond of the empty space between your eyebrows and those striking horns of yours, you know.”
Apollo’s scowl was certainly doing nothing to quash Klavier’s amusement. Why did he like this guy again? Ugh. What a pain.
There’s a gap where Apollo is struggling to think of something to say, and Klavier’s expression softens. “...You know, if it truly does bother you, I can stop,” he says gently, with enough sincerity to Apollo over. Damn. That’s right, that was why. “I would never wish to hurt you, Apollo,” Klavier continued, meeting his gaze as he spoke.
“I-” Apollo cursed himself for stammering. “-Ugh, it’s fine,” he relents, grumbling something into his own coffee mug.
Klavier relaxed. “If you’re sure,” he says, a small smirk returning to his face. “I will admit, there is a part of me that has always presumed that you like it, somewhat.”
“Watch it, pretty boy,” Apollo shot back quickly. “Don’t push your luck.”
That made Klavier laugh heartily- a sweet, melodious thing that rang through the building, and Apollo couldn’t stop the small smile that slipped onto his lips if he’d tried. But he’d given up on doing that a long time ago, now.
A comfortable silence hung in the air in the moments afterwards, as Apollo stared contemplatively into his drink while Klavier took in the decor of the establishment, people watching as he did.
“...Prosecutor Gavin,” Apollo started, before shaking his head. “No, Klavier,” he corrected himself, still staring down at his drink, while the blonde man sitting across from him turned towards Apollo immediately. There was another beat of silence as Apollo steeled his nerves, and Klavier noticed the serious tone by which Apollo had addressed him, slumping in his chair a little less to give the man his full attention.
“...ja?” Klavier prompted, urging Apollo to continue.
Apollo took a deep breath, aware of how utterly strange he must look right now. All red faced and sweaty, no doubt. “I… well, no, we have… uh… been hanging out more lately, you know, and, um…” he gripped to his coffee cup like a lifeline, “It’s been nice, honestly,” he admits, only able to glance up at Klavier’s expression for a moment before tearing his eyes away again to look at something- anything else.
“It has,” Klavier agreed, “I make no secret of the fact that I enjoy your company greatly. I only hope that the feeling is mutual,” he says with an easy smile, clearly trying to ease Apollo’s nerves.
“Y-yeah, no it is. It’s- uh, mutual,” Apollo swallows nervously, putting his cup down in an attempt to look casual while he forces himself to meet Klavier’s eyes- something he immediately regrets doing, as his hands now have nothing to occupy themselves, and they’re just hovering awkwardly. “I just- there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, really, and, um, this felt like a good time, I think,” he says with zero certainty.
This catches Klavier’s attention, and he takes a small breath in himself, Apollo’s nerves clearly making the other man anxious- if less sweaty about it. “Well, by all means. Whatever you have to say, I will listen,” he says, though it was impossible for Apollo not to notice the man’s nervous ticks by now. The way he tapped his fingers in a silent beat on the table between them.
Alright Justice, it’s now or never. Apollo took one deep breath, before, far louder than he’d ever intended, he blurted out suddenly, “I’m Trans.” And there it was. It was out there now. Klavier had definitely heard him, if his wide-eyed expression was anything to go by- as had a number of other patrons, if he was honest, but they weren’t important right now.
The silence returned with a vengeance this time, and Apollo felt it coil into his chest like a snake, as Klavier stared back at him, wordless for at least one absolutely heart-pounding minute.
“You’re-” Klavier finally broke the silence, his eyes slipping away from Apollo and his brow furrowing for a moment. Apollo felt his heart lurch, please please please don’t be weird about this- “I’m sorry,” Klavier apologized quickly, shaking his head and covering his mouth with a hand, every action and movement sending Apollo further into the depths of his preemptive distress. “You’re… trans?” he asks for clarification, as though he might have misheard him.
“I… yes,” Apollo confirmed with a steady nod, one hand now gripping the bangle on his wrist.
“Ah, okay, good,” Klavier said, his own nerves radiating off of him. “I am sorry, I did not mean to react the way I did, I just expected-” Klavier cut himself off, shaking his head. “Forget that- this is, well, congratulations are in order, ja?” his smile returns in full force. “If there is something by which you’d prefer I refer to you, then please,” he prompts. “I do not know if it is public yet, but if you would like me to refer to you with different pronouns, then of course I will-”
“Huh? Wait, no- you’ve misunderstood me completely!” Apollo interrupted Klavier quickly, realizing some of what was going on. “I’m no- I’m not a woman- no, I mean, I’m a man,” He corrects, incredulous.
Klavier still looked somewhat wide eyed, and it took him a moment to realize the mistake he’d made. “Oh, oh! Of course, how- how silly of me, I just-” he shook his head again, taking a breath before he properly turned back to Apollo, looking almost more out of sorts than the defense attorney did. “-Ach, I am sorry. This has not gone at all well, has it? Apollo, I- I am… flattered that you would tell me.”
Apollo needed to take a moment to remember to breathe, and to let his heart rate calm down. “Okay. uh, yeah,” he settles back down. “Just… just so you know it doesn’t change anything- I don’t like, want you to treat me any differently, or anything. I’m still a man like anyone else, I’ve just… yeah, I’ve had a different experience, you know? And I like people around me to know because it feels like… well, I don’t know, it normalizes it or something. Or it might make other people feel less weird about coming out,” he tries to explain, making sure he doesn’t ramble like last time.
“Ja, of course,” Klavier nods, his shoulders suddenly relaxing. “This changes nothing between us,” he assures. “But still… Thank you, for trusting me, Apollo. It means more than I can really say,” the genuine, albeit slightly flustered smile that Klavier offered was the last thing Apollo needed to really calm back down- it told him exactly what he needed to hear- that things wouldn’t change. And he could trust Klavier at his word on that. “But- hm, I will admit, that is not where I thought this line of conversation was going. So I was thrown off a little. I apologize for my overwrought reaction.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” Apollo says as though he hadn’t been at risk of cardiac arrest just a minute prior. “Though… if I can ask,” he only hesitates a moment. “...what did you think I was going to say?”
Klavier hesitated himself, now, a tint of red returning to his cheeks, just under his gorgeous golden skin. It was enough to make Apollo all flustered himself. “Ah, I was actually hoping you might, given the context, have been asking if you wanted this thing we have to be more… how should I say it…” he twirls a hand through his hair. “Official?”
“Official? You mean-” Apollo stopped. “Wait, you were hoping?”
“Ja,” Klavier nodded, looking back at Apollo more sincerely. “I was not exaggerating when I say that I am fond of you, or that I enjoy your company.”
“You said you were fond of my forehead!” Apollo responds back, louder than he meant.
“Ja! Mien Forehead,” Klavier laughs back, and Apollo goes red all over again.
Apollo glowers for a moment, before taking a mental step back and sorting all the pieces of evidence together neatly in his mind. “Wait, s-so, um, you wanted me to… confess to you?” he asks to be sure, meeting Klavier’s gaze.
“...yes,” Klavier nods slowly, before hesitantly adding “I was hoping the feeling was mutual.”
“It…” Apollo’s breath catches. “...it is.”
Oh, it felt powerful, being able to fluster the ever-composed Klavier Gavin, Rockstar prosecutor and LA’s sexiest man alive three years running, according to some magazine Trucy read. Klavier looked shocked, then relieved himself.
“And… my being trans doesn’t…”
At that, Klavier did look surprised again. “Was? No, of course not,” he almost laughed, but stopped himself, not wanting to make light of the subject. “Apollo, I like you for who you are- and if who you are is trans- and that is how you identify- then I like that, too,” he says, as though it were just that simple. As though it didn’t even factor into his affection for the man. “Your experience does not make you less of a man, and certainly no less deserving of affection from those you care about.”
Apollo felt a weight lift off of his shoulders that he didn’t know he was carrying. Something invisible that had been hanging over him for the past few weeks- months- years, maybe? He didn’t even know. But it all but vanished with that sentiment, and he felt himself overwhelmed. Relieved. Smiling all the same.
“...Thank you, Klavier,” Apollo said after a beat.
Klavier simply shook his head. “Please, don’t thank me for that, at least,” when Apollo looked like they were about to object, Klavier kept going, reaching over and taking Apollo’s hand suddenly, all his confidence returned in full force despite the vulnerable moment they were sharing. “How about, instead, you thank me for tomorrow,” he says with a smile.
“Tomorrow? What’s-”
“Tomorrow is the first of all the days to follow in which I will treat you like the king you are,” Klavier said with that same teasing spark, but meaning every word of it. “Dinner. A proper date. Then we can decide together how we want this to go.”
Apollo nearly choked out a laugh, trying to keep himself from going the shade of his vest and failing miserably. “Fine, he relented, letting out a sigh before lifting their hands together, placing his lips gently over the back of Klavier’s hand, before smiling back in return, for this, and everything else that was yet to come-
“-Thank you.”