Work Text:
Chapter 1
For what must be the thousandth time, Yonghoon just stares blankly at his workstation, his mind just as colorless as the piano keys. It has been months since he finds himself in a complete slump. He would often find himself bottlenecked even in the process of doing his favorite thing in the world, making music. Even the best of them encounter obstacles in any form of creation. But it has never come to this, where he even starts to find music repulsive. Not just his own works, published or in scraps, but anything with a tune.
As a somewhat famous singer-songwriter, he hasn't listened to any song, or music in general, in weeks, even though he still clocks-in to his studio everyday like a good office worker. Well, except that one track that his labelmate has asked his opinion on. He did make some changes to the song. Recorded a new demo himself. And he's pretty sure he replied "let's meet tomorrow" when Youngjo texted him last night to see how it went. He takes one glance on his computer screen, it's not even 11am yet. But the younger is an early riser, unlike most in the industry, so he won't be surprised to see the fair-looking rapper knocking on his door any minute now.
And before Yonghoon even has time for one more cat video, comes the gentle knocks.
"Hey hyung , busy?" Youngjo sticks his head in the room and asks with a gentle smile on his face.
Yonghoon turns his head back on his desktop as to confirm the urgency of his task on hand, even knowing full well there's nothing but a YouTube search for cat videos present on his screen. He turns back to face the door and gives his visitor a shrug, trying his best to put a curve on his lips, "Not at all, come in."
Youngjo hands him a cup of iced Americans before settling himself on the small sofa next to his desk. Yonghoon murmured a small "thanks" under his breath before taking a sip.
"So, the song. What do you think?" The younger didn't speak a word until the older seemed to have had a satisfied amount of icy caffeine down his throat.
"Right," Yonghoon pulls out the folder on his computer, plays the file with his modifications, "I made a few changes on the hook, and added a few sounds. Just see if you like it or not."
After three and a half minutes of Youngjo grooving to the flow, tapping the melody with his right foot, while Yonghoon remains motionless on his chair, the guest proclaims that the track is great. "Much easier on the ear," he comments, large round eyes spark of excitement. The owner of the room thanks the compliment with a small smile and sends the other on his way, declining the lunch invitation along with it. Claiming that he's otherwise engaged.
Youngjo doesn't seem any bit surprised by his rejection. But before he closes the door for Yonghoon, he turns back and says in a much more serious tone, "You know you don't have to bottle everything up, right, hyung? Just let us know if you need anything. A drinking buddy, perhaps?"
"I will," Yonghoon replies with his radio DJ-tone, hoping that will add some credibility to his words. Words even he himself does not know the truth of.
After Youngjo leaves for lunch with his teammates, Yonghoon strolls to the convenience store just around the corner and grabs himself two rice balls and a bottle of coke before returning to his windowless studio.
He does in fact have an engagement today, only it's dinner, not lunch. He simply doesn't want to hear any more praise or good words from Youngjo or anyone else. Fixing Youngjo's track was not hard, it's a good song to start with. He simply made a few technical changes, rearranged it a little to fit the ears of the public. Any producer with 5 minutes of experience can do it. It will probably hit the charts when it's out, but not because he Jin Yonghoon is a great producer, but because Youngjo is a talented songwriter. Something he seems to no longer possess.
Maybe I should stop writing my own stuff, and just produce for others, he thought while forcing himself to finish the rice balls.
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He left the studio early without any actual work done and headed downtown to meet with his college friend, Sungwoon. Unlike Yonghoon who broke out early on in his career as a ballad singer, a household name adored by production houses, having his voice to highlight the emotions of drama scenes. Sungwoon got his first breakthrough in his fourth year as a K-pop idol, which is considered almost a failure in the competitive and quick-changing idol market. That being said, Sungwoon did finally get to shine on a TV competition. Yonghoon is happy for his friend and his long deserved success. They haven't been able to catch up that much the past few years because of their respectively busy schedules, so he didn't turn down the dinner invitation like the rest he has received in past months.
The two celebrities in their late-twenties, dressed in casual wear, glasses, caps and masks, meet up at a dinner hidden in a small alley in Hongdae, a place they used to frequent as broke college kids. They are greeted with the warm embrace of auntie Kang, the owner of the home style restaurant, along with the critiques that they are both bony as toothpicks and need a good feed. After their generous host has retreated to the kitchen to get them "properly fed", the pair finally get to catch up. They talk about all sorts of things. Hectic schedules, families far apart, romantic encounters, ingroup gossips, last night's soccer match, and inevitably, work. Music, to be precise. Sungwoon talks about his struggles with his new album, wanting to pick Yonghoon's brain on some of his latest work. Yonghoon listened patiently, agreed to drop by Sungwoon's label sometime soon, but didn't share much on his end.
It seems untimely to bother his friend with his little moodiness when Sungwoon is under album preparation, Yonghoon told himself.
They parted ways after an early dinner as Sungwoon has an evening radio show to host. Yonghoon doesn't feel like returning to his empty apartment or the company just yet, which must be in full traffic right now. Most in the administrative departments are clocking the day off, but in the music department, trainees should be doing after-class practice, producers and composers in full swing in their studios, and his juniors probably taking evening lessons or getting grilled in the recording booths. He simply doesn't want to run into people in the department, asking if he's fine, any progress, etc.
Instead, he decided to wander around for a bit. It's been ages since he last strolled around Hongdae. One of the downfalls of fame, but he guess his homebody personality doesn't help. This particular neighborhood in the capital is the breeding ground of arts and indie culture. When he was in college, he would take a 2-hour bus ride from his campus to come to Hongdae during weekends to visit the peculiarly fascinating shops and enjoy a show in live houses that couldn't be found much outside of the area.
The pedestrian area is apparently buzzing. Yonghoon just realized that today is in fact a Saturday. Weekends and national holidays never mean much to people in showbiz. And he has been spending most of his time in the studio, not much public schedule lately where he needs to glamor up and look smart. He simply lost track of time and dates.
He lowers his baseball cap, and decides to be surrounded by an anonymous crowd. Chatters and noises float around Yonghoon, but not directed at him. He suddenly felt a sense of gravity. Being a star can sometimes feel like one is both surrounded by constant attention and isolated from human connections at the same time. Even though he is nowhere near solving his slump problem at the moment, he does feel grounded, for the first time in a long time, he realized.
Why haven't I come by more often, Yonghoon asks himself. Ironically, he actually lives in Seoul now, where he doesn't need to spend 2 hours on the bus to get here.
Yonghoon's mind was flooding through thoughts when a tune suddenly caught his attention.
It may be dark every day
But I'm not lonely
It's soft, yet narrative, almost like a chant.
In this place where I breathe
A flower that looks like you
Still stays with me
Without withering
It seems like a band is busking. Four boys. Standard formation. A percussionist, a guitarist, with a bassist and a keyboardist with mics. They look young, possibly in college. They look lively, totally enjoying what they do.
In this night and the moon on this beautiful day
Will you be relishing?
Shall we hold hands
And live on that euphoric island?
Ahh, so the bassist is a rapper. And a good one.
A lot of stars in the night sky
Twinkle towards the earth
The Regulus that I breathe
Will shine on you
Among all the people
I only remember one person
While listening to this song now
I remember you
Before Yonghoon realized, the song is over. The crowd are generous with their applause. The keyboardist slash vocalist thanks their audiences and elaborates on the song they just performed. It's an original piece written by the guitarist, inspired by the timeless classic The Little Prince . When the crowd put their hands up for the creator of the song, Yonghoon notices the guitarist is seriously flustered. The young man with platinum blonde hair had seemed very chill earlier while performing, the type of chilliness that comes from confidence. It makes sense, the guy totally killed that recital with his fingerpicking. He does submerged himself into his song, but not expressing it too emotionally. A bit aloof even if he is a mainstream artist, performing on TV, he does get the face for it. But totally acceptable as an underground musician, could as well be his signature style.
"Hi. So... I'm the guitarist. Of MAS. Kanghyun. Right, umm... thanks for liking our song Regulus . And... I hope you like the rest of the show as well."
So not so cold after all. The proud guitarist is obviously nervous about speaking in public, he keeps looking at the keyboardist, who looks even much younger than the former, wanting the bright-looking front man to continue the talking.
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The band performed two more cover songs, and another as an encore before wrapping up their night. Yonghoon stayed around and listened to the rest of their performance. The covers were good, they definitely added their own flares into their arrangements. But still not as mesmerizing as the original song that stopped him from walking past in the beginning. The song is not without flaws, and needs polishing. A bit flat out in the middle, he noticed, after dissecting too many songs apart in a professional set-up. But all of these he would gladly ignore at the moment, along with everyone else, because of the wonderful melody, stunning lyrics, and most of all, their heartfelt delivery of the song. He felt the emotions and warmth in the work, something that hasn't happened for him in a long time.
The crowd has started to disperse. The band is packing up their equipments, while a few audiences approach to praise, some even ask for a photo together. It's not too surprising, they are all fairly good looking, Yonghoon would be surprised if none of them has ever been scouted. The cheerful keyboardist thanks everyone personally for their nice words, happily accepting photo requests on behalf of the band. The rest of the band all looked shy, even the rapper who seemed to have so much confidence and swag while performing, but they didn't decline the requests.
Yonghoon was still sitting on a bench scattered around the little public performing space when the keyboardist was bidding his goodbyes to their fans, standing a foot away. He saw Yonghoon while turning around and thanked him for supporting their performance. There's something about the gleeful energy of the boy that made Yonghoon can't simply pass the remark off as a polite one. Something he's overly used to, as the nation's public has absurdly tough standards for etiquette and manners shown by their celebrities. So despites his original plan to simply continue his way down the buzzing street like most passersby, the singer walks toward the stage and gives his praise to the young performers. His remarks must have come out too professionally, as the guitarist, a man of few words he has realized by now, suddenly asks if he is also a musician.
"I dabble on a few songs, from time to time," the singer answers. Trying to give the impression that he's an off-the-clock enthusiast like them.
They chatted for a bit longer. The band has been doing buskings for years now, with the occasional invites to gigs in pubs and live houses, have even played as session artists for the big names in festivals for a few times. They have obviously made a name for themselves on the streets, Yonghoon could tell from the few banners waving during the show, and the size of supporters that approached after. They all have day-time obligations, so keeping the band together, constantly performing, doesn't come easy. Yonghoon could tell the bandmates have a strong bond between them, even only knowing the group for five minutes, and are all passionate and driven about music, something he really admires. Something he fears he no longer possesses.
Yonghoon once again complimented them for their song Regulus , remembering how positive feedback had encouraged him during his rookie days, noticing how blushed Kanghyun was with his compliment. He promised to be back for their weekly busking before finally leaving. He didn't keep strolling down the streets of Hongdae as he had planned, instead he headed back to the studio, feeling an eagerness to write, adrenaline literally pumping through his veins. He stayed up all night in the crampy, acoustic foam-covered room, fumbling with his workstation, humming tunes after tunes. When he finally decided he needs a break from his studio room, get some fresh air and a hot cup of coffee, it is 5am the next morning.
When Yonghoon stepped outside the business tower, the sun was rising between the profile of the city's many skyscrapers. It's breathtaking, he never realized. He was going to head to the convenience store, but now decided that maybe he could get a proper breakfast instead, and headed down to the McDonald's five blocks away.
After returning from a hearty breakfast combo with hash brown and coffee, no longer feeling drained out and hyped up at the same time, Yonghoon re-listens to the stuff he cooked up last night. The track is nowhere near good, but it's not as terrible as he thought, probably the best track he has written in months, or rather the only tune long enough to be called a track.
Yonghoon keeps working on the track throughout the week, but he seems to always find his mind wandering off to a different song, MAS's song. Before he knows it, he is replaying the melody of Regulus on his workstation, even adding new sections of his own, humming words straight out of his head that don't always coherent or make sense.
He returns to Hongdae that Saturday evening, as promised, this time listening to the complete setlist, sitting on the front row between banner-waving fans. Yonghoon swears he saw Kanghyun lifting the corner of his lip when the guitarist saw him startled by the fans' loud chanting during a song called 0&4 .
It's a wonderful show. One that reminds Yonghoon of why he first fell in love with live house music. In fact, he can't recall the last time he watched a live performance downstage like a normal audience. He would always be watching performances from the screen in his dressing room, or backstage waiting for his cue.
When the last note of the encore track was settled, Yonghoon was clapping so hard that he was sure his hands turned red. He walked up to the boys on stage and popped the question without taking a breath, "Let me produce the song for you, Regulus ."