Work Text:
what the fuck
what the fucking fuck fuck!?
shinsous pacing, its what he does when hes pissed
"im always pissed" he says out loud "i was good for like a month maybe 2 i was happy i was a fuckin ray of sunshine" hes scratching his skin, a nervous tick he hasn't been able to drop
he paces and paces his room back and forth back and forth "why now, god damn it denki" he whispers
back track a little bit, earlier today Hitoshi was supposed to meet up with denki in the locker room, so hey go figure he did. denki passed him on the way there saying he had to do something first so hitoshi waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited till he said "fuck this! hes taking too long" so he stepped out and walked away and texted denki
"comin or what? your takin for ever"
and it took a second to go through because the Wifi on that side of the building fucking SUCKS
and after a while his phone blew up with messages from denki
"where are you??"
"bro wtf"
"nvm dont bother im already with sero"
one more backtrack they're on Instagram and earlier hitoshi put his note as "random burts of rage are frustrating"
to which Denki responded with
"You pretty good at causing it, especially when im trying to meet up with you"
and hitoshi saw red
back to the preasent
"that. was not my fucking fault"
so what did he do? well obviously he paced till his feet hurt and then proceed to lose his shit at every little thing like a total psycho, the day had already been rough and so had the day before that
with new fresh red lines on his thighs courtesy of yesterday's hitoshi who was being a little bitch about being overwhelmed the second he woke up
"thanks for that" he said to himself
pace pace pace
"my fucking feet hurt"
pace pace pace
but he kept pacing pacing walk walk pace pace back and forth back and forth , as he kept walking his eyes were sudenly drawn to the chaos that surrounded him. There were articles of clothing strewn about carelessly, hanging off of his office chair and bedposts. The bed itself was unmade, the sheets and blankets twisted and crumpled in an untidy heap. The desk was covered in a scattering of papers, some of which were precariously stacked, while others were crumpled and tossed aside in frustration. The surfaces of his room were cluttered with cans of beverages, each one either crushed halfway or still had its contents. The trash bin was overflowing with an assortment of snack wrappers, candy bar wrappers, and chip bags, spilling out onto the floor in a jumbled mess. The disarray and disorder of the room was a clear indication that its inhabitant had been too preoccupied or overwhelmed to devote time to cleaning up.
but not now, hitoshis not doing anything right now, and honestly, it's so overwhelming he might just scream if it doesn't get fixed right here right now. so he takes the trash out and cleans up recycles the plastic crushes the cans and folds the laundry and makes the bed,
ok
now what?
hes still mad just less mad, still feels that itch, the need to be in physical pain
to bleed
to see the layers of skin open an-
Mid-sentence, he slapped himself lightly on the sides of his face to break his train of thought. He looked around, fidgeting restlessly, struggling to prioritize his next move. It was a classic moment of indecisiveness, where he wanted to do two things at once but couldn't pick one. This often resulted in him glitching out, stepping in one direction and then another before spinning around like he was doing the hokie pokie. "Ahhh!" he half-yelled in frustration while flapping one hand and spinning his little ring, that Denki-
that Denki bought me
he has two options here, he can be fine and look foundly at the memory of Denki and get over it and call it anight and shoot rainbows and glitter out of his ass-
OR
be a sour puss
he knew the better option was to get the fuck over it like a big boy but uhhh
he didnt wanna do that
"im petty" he says to himself before taking the ring off his thumb and putting it on a ring holder that his papa bought him and stormed out of his room and into the kitchen where his dad and papa were sitting and talking "hey half note whats- uhhhh you ok?" his papa said hitoshi guesses he noticed the sour face he was making, or maybe it was the stomping around like toddler, who knows
"yup im fuckin great, peachy actually nope better yet im shooting rainbows out of ass" he said with a faux smile before swapping it with his natural resting nitch face x5, dad had dropped his face and was trying (failing) not to laugh, papa wacked him lightly with a rolled up paper "shou! Don't encourage him!" he said with a pout, he turned his attention to his son and pointed the paper at him and titling his head "look here rainbow ass" he said with a laugh "dont fuckin start with me, whats your problem" and hitoshi huffed
average teenage behavior honestly
"denki" short sweet and simple "being an asshole"
and hizashi laughed "you are him?" and hitoshi sent him a glare "oh honey dont even try, your dad doesnt and cant scare me and you wont either" he says while turning back to the papers he was grading "why was he being an asshole?" Aizawa ask's still lying on his arms "oh my gods im so glad you asked" hitoshi said as he closed the firdge door a little too hard, wincing he gives a sheepish smile and a "sorry ehe" he walks over to his dads and sits at the head of the table getting his phone and shows them the conversation
"dog what" he hears his papa say "THATS WHAT I FUCKIN SAID!" hitoshi shouts, and aizawa winces "duuude loud, relax" and hitoshi smiled sheepishly, again "nah to much attitude" hizashi says again "adn i told him that! i was like 'hey dont get pissy with me' and he was all like-" hitoshi crosses his arms and makes a goofy face before continuing "iM noT bEinG PisSy' and i was like 'dude what the fuck! you literally are??" and hizashi laughs leaning on his hand and turns his gaze to his husband "i love when he talks like me its so funny" to which aizawa scoffed out "it is"
hitohis ignored them and kept talking "like dude i am so tired of him being a bitch cause his friends are mean to him, like i tried helping bu he just pushes me away and gets more pissy, like i try to be there for him but it's frustrating when he won't let me. ugh i dunno."
and hizashi gave his son a understanding nodd "i get that" he says glaring at his husband who just shrugged and hitoshi put his hands on his face and ragged them down "jesus christ, is this how yall felt with me? like i just would not let yall help me" he said and aizawa laugh "YES!" he barked out to which hizashi hit him again "No!" he said with a glare"owwww" aizawa whimpered. "No, it's not. Maybe for this asshole, but not for me. I didn't like that you kept fighting us, but I also didn't hate it. You showed us that you weren't backing down and were able to fight, you know?" he said and hitoshi rolled his eyes foundly "i guess" and aizawa spoke up "look tosh, denki is a boy. boys are dumb, i should know hizashi knows, and you sure as shit know" he says while taking a sip of his tea "he was raiased with the 'dont ask for help, be a man' bull shit, i can smell the fragile masculinity on that guy from here" and hitsohi sent him a glare after hearing that, denki may have pissed him off but he's still his best freind.
aizawa put his hands up in surrender "not an insult, just an observation"
"whatever" hitoshi says "im over it, whats for dinner" hizashi rolled his eyes at his sons antics but decied to go with it anyways "dunno, you pick" he says to which hitoshi enthusiasticly responds with "curry! boom! yay! dinner crisis solved all thanks to me, your welcome, please please hold your apluse"
"ah ha ha ha im laughing so hard right now" hizashi says as he stands up "Ill get dinner started, shou give your son a bit of wisdom or somethin i dunno"
"look hun," Aizawa said with a sigh, "You know how teenagers are. They can be emotional and quick to anger." Hitoshi pouted at that, and Aizawa couldn't help but smirk a little. "Just give Denki some time and space. He's probably already kicking himself for what happened. When you're ready, go talk to him about it. It's not a big of a deal i promise" he said with a small smile, and hitoshi huffed again "ok..welp! im gonna go rot in my room till i smell the spicy smell of delicious curry, good bye" hitoshi said while walking away mic giggled and so did aizawa
and thats what he did, He went back to his room, laid under his bed to rot. a little while ago he put, there were fairy lights, pillows, blankets, and it had an overall cozy feeling that made him feel warm and safe,
Hitoshi laid under his bed, his blanket pulled up to his face as he curled up into a ball. then his phone went off with messages from denki, he ws blowing him up but he ignored it His mind was racing as he replayed the events of earlier in the day, feeling guilty for ignoring Denki. He knew deep down that his dad was right, and that he needed to give himself some space before trying to talk to denki again. He made a mental note to call him after he finished eating, but for now, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts.
As he lays there, the smell of curry from the kitchen began to waft into his room, and his stomach growled. He knew he should go and join his family for dinner, but he couldn't shake the gnawing feeling in his gut. It was like a tiny creature was feasting on his insides, and he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was - guilt, fear, anxiety, or perhaps a combination of the three. The sensation was suffocating, wrapping around his insides like a tight coil, and squeezing his chest until he found it hard to breathe.
He mustered up the courage to go to the kitchen and join his family for dinner, but he was uncharacteristically quiet, which only added to the unease in the room. "hey baby, ar eyou ok?" Yamada asked he didn't respond, lost in his own thoughts and worries.
"hun?" aizawa says, he can hear the worry in his voice
The feeling in his gut only grew stronger, like a thread tied around his lungs and insides, weighing him down with a hundred worries. He couldn't take it anymore and shot up from the table, running to his room without answering his parents' questions and concerns.
As soon as he entered his room, he hurried towards his hiding spot under the bed - a place he considered his sanctuary, where he could shut himself out from the world and be alone with his thoughts. Although he was aware that he couldn't stay there forever, he felt a sense of comfort and safety in that confined space. However, his agitation and uneasiness were palpable; he was panting heavily, and his breathing was shallow. His hands were raw from the constant scratching at the back of his hands, and he was still panicking, his mind racing with anxious thoughts.
This is where he's going to stay. This is where he's going to rot. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why is this happening? Nothing was wrong. Everything was fine. Why is this happening?
He can't fucking take it anymore It feels like his entire body is made of heavy rocks, and his muscles are tightly wound like strings waiting to snap. The itchiness is driving him insane, and he can feel his blood boiling under his skin. The worst part is his scalp, he feels as if tiny bugs are crawling and nesting in his hair. He's going crazy, every inch of his body is begging for relief, but the itchiness just won't go away
his palms his arms his hands and legs his scalp everything is so damn itchy
hes nawing on his hands and arms trying to get any relief he can get
is ribs feel like they're tearing through his chest and ripping the skin apart with every deep frantic breath he takes
fuck this is bad this is bad why is this so bad
his lungs feel impossibly tight and small but so fucking huge at the same time
he can feel every bit of him all his clothes are too tight
"hit...toshi!" he thinks he hears someone say his name god he cant breath he feels so lightheaded and faint
then everything goes dark
As he slowly regained consciousness, he felt an intense throbbing in his head and ears, which made him feel as if he was hungover. His muscles felt like they were on fire, and his arms burned with the missing top layer of flesh. He was about to say something, but before he could finish, he was interrupted by someone. Suddenly, he felt someone's hands on his face, moving his head all about. "Oh gods, are you okay? I mean, you're obviously not, but still, I... Oh gods, honey, I'm so sorry," his papa said as he wrapped him in a big hug. "you passed out!"
Hitoshi was disoriented and confused, wondering how long he had been unconscious. He asked, "How long was I out?" His voice sounded tired, and he could barely keep his eyes open but he was breathing normaly again. his dad, who had just come out of the kitchen with a glass of water and a washcloth, replied, "Like 10 seconds, maybe less."
"jeez sho, could you sound any more indifferent?" his papa said
dad sighed "im just being calm zashi"
Hitoshi felt relieved that he hadn't been out for long, but he was still in pain and couldn't move much. He slowly sipped the water and let his dad clean and dress his wounds. papa stayed close by, offering words of comfort and asking what had happened again and again.
"i dont know..." hitoshi whispered "i just...freaked out..i guess" his dad held the back of his head and brought him close and kissed his forehead and hugged him "i get that" he said
aizawa continued to comfort him and tend to his wounds. After a few minutes, Hitoshi started to feel a little better. He asked his dad"i know we need to talk about this but im so tierd, can i please go to bed? we can talk in the morning i promise", and aizawa and yamada shared a worried glance and asked "will you be ok?" he nodded and yamada said "ok, you can go to bed" he gave him a kiss and helped him up aizawa helped him to his room as to make sure not to let him fall or trip and watched him get in bed he was about to leave before stopping himself
He walked into the room and took a seat next to Hitoshi on the bed, his usual stern expression softened by a hint of care and concern. "Listen, kid," he said in his gruff voice, reaching out to pet his son's hair, which he knew always calmed him down. "When I was your age, I used to struggle with anxiety just like you." He let out a deep sigh, his gaze meeting Hitoshi's. "It was terrible. I would get panic attacks without any apparent reason."
"But you know what helped me overcome it?" he continued, his voice still firm but reassuring. "Talking to Yamada or going through all the breathing exercises and other things they tell us to do in therapy. Trust me, I know it can feel really frustrating and pointless. It's like you're doing the same thing over and over again, and you're not sure if it's really making any difference."
He paused for a moment, his hand still resting in his son's hair. "But then, after a while, you start to notice that you're feeling a little bit better". he wiped a tear away from hitoshis face with his sleeve from both sides of his face "Maybe not as anxious as you were before, or maybe you're able to handle a difficult situation with a little bit more ease. It's all of those little things that you're doing in therapy that are slowly but surely adding up to something bigger. And even though it can be hard to stay committed to the process, it's worth it in the end."
he cupped his son face and got hitoshi to look him in the eyes"Remember, you're not alone, and I'm here to support you."
Hitoshi nodded. and sniffled and hugged his dad "im sorry" he said through quiet tears
His dad smiled and ruffled his hair.and hugged him tight "you dont need to apologize its ok," he said. "I'm here for you, no matter what."
Hitoshi closed his eyes and let himself relax. He still felt a little sore and tired, but he knew he was going to be okay. he felt safe and happy in his dads arms "go to bed hun" aizawa said before letting his son go "we can talk in the morning, i love you" hitoshi nodded and laid down, and watched his dad leave he stopped at the door and said "good night kid" before turning off the light and closing the door