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"Wait."
Gar looked back to meet the gaze of the other, an expression on his face that said a thousand words, but Gar didn't understand any.
"What's wrong?" Gar asked, that being the only thing he could've thought to say. Patrck slightly tightened his grip on Gar's arm, looking down at the ground, either thinking of what to say, or not being brave enough to say it. The house was quiet, them being the only ones still in the house besides Wade and Molly, who they had already said goodbye to and were in their bedroom.
Gar adjusted his grip on his suitcase and smiled, trying to break the tension. "What do you wanna say, Pat?" He asked, slightly tilting his head to try and make eye contact again. Finally, Patrck looked back up to him, and before Gar could say anything else, the other quickly turned his head and leaned in, their lips meeting. Although it was realistically 1 or 2 seconds, it felt as though time froze right where they were standing. As if Gar's thoughts were racing with questions and fears, but at the same time completely blank. Patrck separated from the shorter, only giving a quick look at him before immediately brushing past him. "Bye Gar." He quickly said under his breath, exiting the house and walking towards his car. Gar was left standing at the door, not knowing what to do, not even fully sure if that had happened or not. "Wh..." Gar finally broke out of his thoughts, turning back to the door only to see that Patrck had already drove off. He blinked, raising up his hand and putting it on his chest, his heartbeat still racing from the embrace. Gar took a deep breath and opened the door, exiting the house as well.
Even if he tried to, Gar couldn't think of anything other than Patrck the entire flight home, trying to come up with plans to talk to him about it, trying to think of what Patrck actually meant by that, confusion about how Gar thought Patrck was straight, about how he thought he was straight.
Gar bit his lip, thinking back on the kiss, he liked it.
He liked it a lot more than he knew he should've. Patrck's lips were soft, it made his heart flutter when he closed his eyes to lean in, he wanted to melt into the touch of Patrck's hand on his upper arm, but he knew he shouldn't feel this way about his best friend.
Gar, now back home in california, fidgeted with his phone case as he stared at him and Patrck's messages. He knew they had to talk about it, he wished they had time to talk about it when they were there, but Patrck walked away before Gar could even comprehend what happened.
He let out an angry sigh, putting down his phone and rolling over onto his back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. How long has he thought of me like this?
Gar thought back to all the years they had been friends, all the times they had met up. The way he would catch Patrck looking at him with a certain look in his eyes, an almost admiration. He had always brushed it off, Patrck was always like that, but looking at other videos of him either by himself or with other people, it almost seemed like Patrck acted differently around Gar, almost happier. Even around his girlfriend, it seemed as though he was more himself around Gar instead of her.
That's another thing, his girlfriend. Patrck was dating this girl, Adler, and although he tried to be happy for him, it always felt very weird to him. Gar knew basically nothing about her, unlike Marie, which at least they had talked a few times, even hung out during get-togethers. Any time Gar would try to bring her up, it seemed like Patrck never wanted to talk about her. Gar felt a knot in his stomach, a familiar feeling of hatred rising up. What if Adler is treating Patrck wrong? He didn't want to jump to conclusions this early, but it really didn't seem like Patrck loved her.
I would've treated him better than you. Gar gripped onto his shirt, almost surprised that he had thought that. Tears started to well up in his eyes and he let out another angry groan, this time a bit louder, turning onto his side and putting his hands over his face. Why does this have to be so difficult? Why can't it just be like it used to?
Why do I have to care this much about him?
Gar hazily blinked open his eyes, his head laying on his pillow as he laid on his stomach on his bed. He felt something soft and fluffy on his arm, and looked down to see Mona had wiggled under it and was sleeping cutely with her nose pressed up against his shoulder. Gar slowly moved his hand to give a few small pets on her head, the small cat then waking up and letting out a mew, her eyes still closed. Gar smiled, him then realizing that was the first time he had smiled since he'd been home.
The memories and worries of last night then rushed back to him, his expression dropping a bit as he continued to pet Mona. Almost as if on cue, he heard his phone vibrate on his bedside table, and he reached over the cat to pick it up. His eyes took a bit to adjust to the artificial light from the screen, him then seeing it was a text from Patrck, his heart dropped. 'Can you come over to my place? I need to talk to you about something.'
His fear was then slowly being replaced by relief. Is he actually going to talk to me about the kiss? Gar silently hoped that he would finally get some answers. He opened the text to reply, then typing 'Yeah, what time do you want me to be there?'
Almost as soon as he had sent the text, he saw the typing bubble appear, almost as if Patrck had been waiting for him to respond. 'Whenever you can, but the sooner the better.' He read Patrck's message, then looked down at Mona who was still sleepily cuddled up next to him.
"Sorry Mona, I'm gonna have to go again for a bit, I'll be back" He softly said to her, giving her a few more pets before standing up from the bed, her then letting out another small mew, but being too tired to get up.
Gar walked up to the house, adjusting his hoodie a bit. Today was actually a bit chilly, despite the past few days being warm in california. He took a deep breath, trying to settle the anxious butterflies in his stomach as he stepped up onto the porch. He knocked on the door and took a step back, it sounded quiet in the house, then he heard the small sound of footsteps approach the door. Patrck opened the door, but immediately Gar could tell something was wrong, an almost worried expression on Pat's face. The two walked into the house and sat down on the couch.
"So... what did you wanna talk about?" Gar asked, pretending to not know why he was there. It seemed like Patrck was avoiding eye contact, his demeanor being very similar to the night they had left ohio. After a few more seconds of silence, Patrck turned to look at him. "Adler is pregnant."
An almost deafening silence crossed over them, Patrck keeping eye contact for a few more seconds before looking back to the ground, but all Gar could do was stare at him, feeling frozen with shock. "I..." Gar started, slightly leaning further back into the couch. "...Congratulations." He said coldly, trying to not let the lump in his throat affect his speech. Patrck looked up to him, looking confused for a brief second, then putting on a fake smile.
"Oh... yeah, yeah. Uh, thank you." He quickly said, rubbing his eye with his hand. Gar felt very suspicious about the way he was acting, he felt like Patrck had so much more to say than he was letting on. Gar wrapped his arms around himself. "Is... is that all you wanted to say?" He asked. "Yeah, I just felt like you should be the first to know." Patrck said, looking over to him.
That's the most obvious lie I've ever heard. Gar wanted to just snap, he wanted to know the truth, he wanted Patrck to talk about it, acknowledge it at least. He wanted to know what Patrck actually thought about him, he didn't want to keep guessing. "I-" "Gar? What are you doing here?" Gar was cut off, he turned around to see a tired-looking Adler standing in the doorway.
"Oh, he was just about to leave. I just had to talk to him about something video-wise" Patrck lied, putting on another fake smile. What the hell is going on here? "Uh, yeah... I'm gonna go now. Nice to see you, Adler." Gar lied, standing up. Adler definitely didn't buy Patrck's excuse, still wearing the same confused expression. "Yeah... bye." She said in a cold, slightly confused voice as Gar made his way out the door, him not wanting to look at Patrck again.
Gar speedwalked to his car, the emotions boiling up inside of him, threatening to burst right then and there, then he got back in his car, and they finally did. He roughly put his head down onto the top of his steering wheel, running his fingers through his hair as tears started falling from his eyes.
"God fucking dammit!-" He cursed to himself, hitting his dashboard before leaning back onto his car seat, looking up into the sky. What makes her so special? Why can't Patrck just once think about what I'm feeling? Why can't he realize this is real life, not just some joke? Gar put his hoodie sleeves over his hands, trying to wipe away the tears from his face, sniffling. "Fuck." He muttered once more, leaning forward and starting up his car, his face still red from crying.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Patrck gripped onto his hoodie sleeve.
"So... what was that actually about?" Patrck looked over to Adler, she wore a confused smile, crossing her arms. "We were planning for videos, like I said" Patrck said quietly, Adler raising her eyebrow. "Why wouldn't you just call? Why'd he have to come over?" Adler persisted. "Okay just-" Patrck stopped himself, his words coming off more aggressive than he meant them to. He started fidgeting with his hand, not wanting to look her in the eyes. "Just... drop it, Addy." He finished in a quieter voice, getting up from the couch and walking past her towards their bedroom. Adler didn't say anything else, staying in the same spot she was standing.
Patrck held onto himself as he walked into the room, trying to keep his emotions inside best he could. He quickly walked to the bedside table and picked up his phone, going into him and Gar’s messages. He stared at the screen for a few seconds, nervously biting at his fingernails before he started typing.
Gar heard the small ding of a text notification on his phone, and briefly looked over just enough to read that it was Patrck before now glaring back at the road. What more could he have to say? His eyes started unwillingly watering again, him quickly wiping them to keep the road from becoming blurry. Gar took a deep breath in and out, trying to stop himself from getting angry, since he felt like that wouldn’t help in this situation, he would just have to read it and figure out what Patrck was trying to say.
Before he knew it, he was pulling up to the apartment building him and his dad lived at, and parked his car in his usual spot. Gar leaned his head back onto the seat, closed his eyes, and took another deep breath before looking down again and picking up his phone.
It was a message from Patrck that read ‘can we please try and convince the guys to do another meetup soon? i can only tell you then. i need to be away from adler’ The words only made Gar’s heart drop, his frustration then being replaced with genuine worry. Was I right about their relationship not being good…? It wouldn’t surprise him in the slightest, due to how little he mentioned her and when he had just been over there he felt an air of tension, not just because Gar was there. He stared at the message for a few seconds before typing back.
‘alright… but you better actually tell me this time.’ He sent the text, and bit his lip before typing again. ‘i hope you’re alright pat.’ He added. After two or three seconds, he saw the typing bubble appear, then disappear, then appear again as Patrck typed back a simple ‘thank you.’
After three weeks, Gar was finally pulling up to the familiar driveway in ohio, and even though his situation was worrying and stressful, he couldn’t help but feel a lingering sense of excitement, almost as if his body knew to feel this way anytime he was here. There were three cars in the driveway, Molly’s car, Jp’s car, and Patrck’s car. That meant Gar was the last one to arrive. I’m glad I don’t have to wait for Pat… He thought as he got out of the vehicle, putting his hand in his jeans pocket as he walked up to the door and knocked on it, smiling a bit as he heard the small clicks of Wade’s dogs, Ginger and Presley, running up to the door.
The door opened to reveal Wade, Gar then putting on a half-fake smile, trying his hardest to make it seem like nothing was wrong. “Hey stranger!” Wade joked, them then hugging before Gar walked into the house, him slightly giggling at the dogs running around with excitement around them. “So everyone’s here already?” Gar asked, looking up to Wade, really just needing to know where Pat is. “Yep, I think Jp and Pat are playing games or something in the first guest room” Wade said, pointing vaguely to the direction of the room. “You think?” Gar echoed. “Maybe, they might’ve escaped by now” Wade joked, shrugging as he started walking towards the couch where Molly was sitting, the two dachshunds following him.
Gar nodded and started going towards the direction of the room. Jp’s with him… that probably means he won’t talk about it now. I’ll just have to stay by him until Jp leaves.
He walked up to the room and knocked, hearing some slight shuffling before the door was opened by Jp. “What’s the password?” He asked, only slightly opening the door so Gar couldn’t walk in, Gar laughing a bit at the question. “Uh… pineapples?” Gar asked, Jp continuing to look at him blankly for a second before nodding and opening the door fully.
“You are correct” Jp said, sitting back in his spot on the floor against a bed, Patrck sat next to him. Gar walked in and shut the door behind him, walking over to sit to the left of Pat. Even though he kept his focus on the game they were playing, which seemed to be an original pokémon game, Gar noticed Patrck tense up a bit as he sat next to him.
“Hey Pat” He said, trying to seem casual to make sure Jp didn’t think anything of it. “Hi Gar” Pat said quietly, seeming to also go along with the ‘nothing’s wrong’ facade.
After an hour had passed of them watching Patrck play pokémon, both of them providing commentary and suggestions, Jp being more enthusiastic than Gar about it, Jp had finally decided he was heading to bed, the door shutting and leaving the two in silence. Patrck stopped playing the game, but continued to stare at the screen. Gar assumed that Patrck knew what they were about to talk about.
“So…” Gar spoke after a few seconds, to make sure Jp was clear of any possible overhearing of their conversation. “Are we going to talk about it?” He continued, looking over to Patrck. The other bit his lip, a sorrowful look crossing his eyes, he was obviously dreading talking about it, but Gar needed answers. “…Okay.” Patrck said after what felt like eternity, putting the controller down on the floor.
A few more seconds passed, Patrck seemingly trying to gather his words. “That night…” He stopped once again, Gar could almost hear the others voice breaking already. “That night, I was… I was planning to kill myself. Once I got back home.” Patrck brokenly spoke, quiet enough to where he was sure the only people who could hear the words was them.
Gar stared at him for a few seconds, feeling as if time had frozen as soon as he heard him say that. He tried to snap himself out of his shock, but before he could say anything, Patrck continued speaking, avoiding eye contact still. “I…” Patrck let out a sad chuckle, his eyes beginning to water. “…I have been in love with you for years, Gar. I first noticed my feelings only a couple weeks after we met.” He said, his voice cutting out a bit at the end. Patrck brought up a shaky hand to wipe his eye. “I knew, though… that you could never love me. Why would you?” Patrck finally turned to look at him. “So I… tried dating other people. I did sort of catch feelings for Marie, but apparently she didn’t feel the same… and Adler…” He paused. “I don’t love her, but I can’t leave her… I feel like it’ll break her.” Patrck gripped onto the sides of his arms. “But I do love you… and so I- I thought that was the only way to-”
Gar brought him into a tight hug, Patrck cutting off his words as he almost instantly started crying into Gar’s shoulder. Gar himself was shaking, but with how much he felt Pat was, it made his heart break even more. He lifted up a hand to hold onto the back of Pat’s head, lightly petting his hair in an attempt to comfort him. “Patrck…” Gar spoke finally, the other’s crying slowing down a little.
“Don’t ever think that I don’t love you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize this was happening, I should’ve- I should’ve done something when I realized how strange you were acting…” Gar stammered, Pat then letting go of the hug to look at him. He stopped talking, instead focusing on Patrck’s eyes, his beautiful light brown hazel eyes reflecting the blue light of the tv. “I love you too, Patrck. I really do… I’m sorry that I was upset, I just… I just needed to know that you felt the same way as me.” Gar paused, trying to find the right words. “I don’t want you to ever have to feel that way again, alright? Can you promise that?” He asked softly, lifting up his pinkie finger.
To his relief, the action made Patrck smile a little, a bit of the pain fading from his eyes. “Alright… Alright.” He whispered, taking Gar’s pinkie into his own. They kept their fingers connected, but rested their hands in between their touching knees, Gar only then realizing how close the two ended up.
“Would you…” Gar started, Patrck looking back up to meet his gaze. “Would you like to do this?” He asked, Patrck’s eyes lighting up for a brief second before becoming dim again. “But… that would mean I have to break up with Adler, right?” Patrck said, wrapping his free arm around himself. “I can help you, It’s not gonna be as bad as you think, I promise. I’ll be by your side the entire time.” Gar said softly, Patrck smiling once again. “I love you Gar… so fucking much.” Patrck said, doing another sad chuckle and wiping the stale tears from his eyes. “I love you too Patrck.” Gar said, smiling warmly.
A few seconds of silence crossed over them before Gar slowly leaned in and closed their gap, Patrck resting his hand on Gar’s cheek. The feeling was the same as Gar felt last time, except now he wasn’t confused, in fact he was the least confused he had felt in his life. He felt complete, as if this was exactly where he needed to be in this moment. Gar never wanted to leave Patrck’s side ever again.
The two separated, a new slight shade of pink on Pat’s cheeks. “Now you know how it feels, huh?” Gar teased, Patrck then softly laughing. “Yeah… I hope I get to feel that more, honestly” Patrck smiled at him. “I hope so too” Gar responded.
Patrck and Gar laughed amongst themselves sitting at Wade’s dining table. Wade walked up to the table and sat down with his own plate of breakfast and smiled. “You two seem happy today” He said, the two then turning to look at him. “What do you mean? I’m always happy when I’m hanging with you guys” Gar said, smiling. Wade tilted his head a bit.
“You’re holding hands” He stated. “Can’t homies hold each other’s hands?” Gar asked, taking a bite of his food as Patrck giggled at the remark. “Alright then” Wade shrugged. Gar noticed Patrck look over at him with a certain ‘should we tell him?’ look on his face, to which Gar shook his head, and Pat nodded back. Gar did trust both Wade and Jp to know, he just thought it would be better to tell them once they’re actually dating first.