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Lena stares out at the city lights from the window of her penthouse and tries to focus on the beauty of it. She tries to think of how behind every window light, there is a person with their own story. She tries to think of what story that might be. Kara had said she does this method of wondering about each person's story whenever she is feeling the cold grip of anxiety.
Lena looks at one lit window and thinks that there is a doctor who has just gotten home and is having a late meal. She looks at another window and thinks that a mother is trying to get her crying infant to sleep. Another window, another story. Another window, another story. Another window, another story.
The feeling of heaviness still persists and Lena sighs. She shuffles back to the sofa and settles her laptop back onto her lap. She was in the middle of going through her spreadsheets when that pang of dread came from nowhere. It happens occasionally. Lena is no stranger to anxiety. Sometimes, work triggers it. Sometimes, past memories in the form of nightmares trigger it. But sometimes, Lena feels like it comes out of the blue. She could be having a casual day doing casual things when the heavy weight of dread starts in her chest and makes her feel like something terrible is going to happen to her.
Like tonight, for example. The longer clock hand was almost at the digit two. She was almost done with her work when it happened. She tried to find the trigger for tonight’s anxiety. Was it because of the big upcoming meeting for next month? Was it because of the posts she saw earlier saying that Kara Danvers had lost it for being with a Luthor? She knows that Kara does not care about the media’s ruthless opinions on their relationship and Lena learned long ago to not care too. But a part of her is always afraid that she is not enough for Kara.
The work on the screen fails to hold her attention. The cold dread inside her chest is still there, each icy vine spreading out and weighting like a boulder.
Lena closes her laptop and walks out to the balcony. The cold night air instantly greets her and she stands there for a few moments.
“Kara?” she calls out, very softly. If Kara was around, she would have heard it. If she was asleep or busy, she wouldn't and Lena will go back to trying to deal with the anxiety on her own.
But a familiar figure with the red and blue suit descends from above until the Kryptonian is face to face with Lena.
“Hey,” Kara says gently, sensing that something must be up.
“Hi,” Lena replies, stepping a few feet back to make room for the Super. “I am feeling anxious right now and I don't know why exactly but I just ended up calling for you. I am sorry if I distracted you.”
Kara shakes her head. “No, Lena, don't apologize. I always want to be there for you when I can.”
Lena manages a smile, hugging herself to ward off the outside chill. Kara notices. “Do you want to go back inside? We could talk and have some tea. Or do you feel like being somewhere? There's a place I go to when my anxiety gets too much.”
“Let me grab my coat.”
__
A quick flight later, they arrived on the rooftop of a building. Kara gently sets her down in the middle. Under any other circumstances, Lena's anxiety would have doubled from being placed at such height but she is here with her Kara so she is okay. There are several portable lamps placed around. “Did you put these?”
“Umm, yeah. I just thought it could use a little light here.”
“Why here?”
“Why this building? I just found myself sitting here randomly one day. There's no door leading up the rooftop here so I knew I would have the alone time I wanted. This place is just okay. No meaningful reason behind it.” Kara shoots her a good-natured look.
Lena nods. “That's nice too. Just clicking with something without any explanation.”
Kara smiles. “Yeah. As for the reason why I come here for anxiety sometimes…” She walks to what Lena thought was a crate at first but it turns out to be a wooden square bench.
Kara gestures to her to sit on it. Lena raises her eyebrow. “Did you put this here too?”
Kara blushes sheepishly. “I got permission from the landlord! I saved her from a car accident once. And this is why I put it here.” She gets on and lies down, face towards the night sky. “Come on.”
Lena copies the action and once she's done, she immediately knows why Kara wanted to bring her here. The glittering night sky was beautiful. Millions of twinkles against the vast blackness. Lena spends too much time in the city, in a building, that she forgets how breathtaking the night sky full of stars can be.
“It's beautiful,” Lena whispers.
“It is,” Kara says. She reaches out to hold Lena's hand and Lena holds it back. For a few minutes, they lay there, hands entwined. Two lovers existing serenely among the galaxies.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kara asks, after a while.
“It just started, Kara.. I don't even know the reason myself, honestly.”
Kara squeezes Lena's hand gently. “I understand. Sometimes, it happens randomly to me. I try to read something or fly around or come here. Look at the stars.”
“They are beautiful.”
Kara’s thumb gently traces Lena's hand and Lena wants to eternally remember this moment. How Kara makes her feel loved and safe. The beautiful night sky. The rest of the world blurs out. Just her and Kara at this moment.
“I am grateful I get to share this with you,” Kara says.
“I am grateful too.” This time Lena turns her head to look at Kara. The blonde does the same. “I love you.”
It's not the first time Lena has said it. It won't be the last either.
Kara smiles, the same smile that comes whenever they share words of intimacy.
“I love you too.”
“Honestly, I am scared I am not enough for you. Many other people certainly think so and I don't normally care what others think but a part of me believes that I am not enough for you too.”
“Lena, you are more than enough for me. You always will be. Despite what others think, despite what you think, you are a good person. One of the best people I know. You are my person. I think you're kind, selfless and brilliant. I can say this truth over and over again whenever you need to hear it.”
Lena could only squeeze Kara’s hand but Kara understands. She doesn't need to say anything back. Kara just leans forward and presses a gentle kiss against her forehead.
They continue to look at the stars again. Kara tells her about her favorite constellations. Lena tells her about the nights she stayed glued to a telescope when she was a child. The anxiety has faded away a lot now. Just the faintest of the heaviness remains. But Lena can ignore it now. Their hands continue to be entangled and they talk while the stars keep shining.