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This is it for Tina, she thinks. She’s tired and done and it’s just not worth it at all. She’s over it, this rollercoaster of emotions that hasn’t been making sense since a couple of months ago. It took one touch, just one touch, from Foolish for her whole world to be turned upside down and Tina isn’t built to sustain this much tension in her life. It feels like there’s a string between the two of them, pulled on both ends by their pride and stubbornness, ready to snap at any second.
They’re in a call off-stream and he’s quiet as always. They’re often like this, enjoying each other’s company in the post stream silence with her occasional yapping about the most random topics once in a while. He indulges her through listening and she thinks how from an outsider’s point of view, he may come off nonchalant and dismissive, but they don’t realize that it’s his choice to not leave the call at all. Foolish does not mind solitude, so for him to stay with her says a lot.
“Foolish, I-“ she starts off but cuts herself. What happened back two months ago replays in her mind and she feels her chest constrict. She remembers his gentle fingers on her skin, the look in his eyes as it happened, and Tina wants to fall apart.
“Hm?” He asks gently via discord and Tina knows he’s probably scrolling through his phone, half inattentive. How does a girl tell her guy best friend that she’s confused and distracted as hell and it’s all his fault? That whenever she tries to sleep at night, thoughts of him and that one moment in North Carolina occupy her mind? That she can’t handle this push and pull battle anymore, and that she’s ready to just move forward with her life and forget everything?
“I think I need to start dating.” the random thought suddenly comes out without her thinking and Tina panics. She’s so dumb, why would she say that out loud? “I mean- that is… I don’t know why I said that. Never mind.”
“Huh,” he answers and Tina could feel his mood shift. He doesn’t say anything for a long time and she feels the apprehension between them growing, like a wall being built, and everything inside her wants to scream at him. She wants to demand answers from him, to clarify what happened in North Carolina. She wants him to not pretend that everything is still the same after that. His answer alone could either make or break the tension and Tina doesn’t know which one she’d rather have happen.
“…enjoy, then. You have my full support.” He says after a long silence. Her stomach drops.
Okay, she thinks to herself, okay.
Tina could feel her hand starting to shake so she holds them together, trying to calm herself down. His answer says all she needs to know.
This is good.
No more overthinking herself to a stupor. No more daydreaming about his touch. No more stupid yearning in the middle of the night.
No more.
“Oh- thanks, man! I’ll try my best, I will.” she tries for a casual tone and she wonders if heartbreak could be heard through an online call across the country. She hopes not, she hopes that the broken pieces in her chest isn’t as loud in her voice as it is in her mind. Tina always thought that pain would be blinding and overwhelming. Instead, it’s an excruciatingly slow buildup, and she feels the burning on her skin extending inward, towards her guts, to her very being.
It’s so much worse.
“I got to go, I need to sleep. Thanks for staying with me, dude. Good night!”
“Tina, wait-“
“What?”
“Nothing, my bad. Goodnight, idiot.”
…
Tina doesn’t talk to him for days. Okay, they talk but not the way they used to and Tina prays he doesn’t notice. She used to message him about every little thing, join his stream every chance she gets, but now, with her decision to move on, she doesn’t contact him outside of work related topics. Distancing herself from him is a struggle, especially when he’s live everyday and seeing his face is so easily accessible with just one click. But Tina perseveres and she’s quite proud of herself. The pain in her chest is still present, like a rock heavily lodged in, but she’s learned to live with it. The physical and emotional barrier she put between herself and him is helping and every day it gets a tiny bit easier.
A month of trying to move on and distracting herself is the limit, apparently. Foolish isn’t stupid and as oblivious as he tries to be. Sure, he has a tendency to be goofy but Tina knows him too well. The man is scarily perceptive, and ironically enough, he knows her too well, too.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s the problem or would you rather not?”
Tina hates how he could be so considerate even after unknowingly breaking her heart.
“I…” Tina starts and wonders if she should just let it all out.
“It’s just been an off few weeks, Foolish… I’m going through something,” she says instead. It’s the truth.
“Want to let it all out, then?” he asks and Tina feels her chest tightening. A part of her wants to just lay it on the table, to just confess both her dashed hopes and heartbreak, and never talk to him again. But she couldn’t do it, she can’t let him go just like that.
“Is it the dating?” he suddenly says, his voice a little hesitant and hoarse. Tina would have laughed if she isn’t so confused. Then she remembers what she randomly blurted out before, of her stating her intentions of dating around, and now she wants to slam her face on her desk. She’s so dumb, she barely leaves her room, what did she even mean about dating around?
“I, uh— no,” she says as she looks over his discord icon. “No, it’s not that.”
“Okay, then what is it?”
Tina couldn’t help laughing incredulously at herself and the situation. It’s a struggle to hate him and want him at the same time. She just wants to peacefully get over her feelings but she guesses it’s impossible when the cause of this dilemma is her best friend.
“Well, now you’re laughing like a crazy person… you’re a strange one, you know that?” He says over the call with an exasperated tone and Tina just giggles.
“Just trust me, dude. I’ll be fine. I’m a tough cookie, you know.”
“I know.” He answers softly, like he’s so sure of it, and Tina feels the sudden urge to sob. It’s no one’s fault but herself, developing feelings for him like the dumbass that she is. It’s her responsibility to get over it.
…
The weeks rolled by too fast for Tina’s liking and before she knows it, the date of Foolish’s flight back to Los Angeles is tomorrow. She should be fine now, she convinces herself. She could handle being in his proximity for a week or two. There’s still pain etched somewhere in her chest whenever she thinks about Foolish but it’s not anything she can’t fight through. She’s made of tougher stuff, it would be embarrassing to falter over a silly unrequited crush.
Besides, he’s literally just a guy.
…
Wrong, wrong, wrong, Tina thinks in panic the moment Foolish appears in her line of vision at the airport. He walks towards her and Miyoung with strides filled with confidence and it makes Tina want to throw up, she hates how attractive he could be when he decides to tone down the goofiness (oh, but Tina adores his goofiness).
“Hey,” he says as soon as he reaches them and usually, before all this stupid pining and all, Tina would give him a friendly hug and silly banter but right now, all she could feel is her hands getting clammy at the very thought of going near him. So she settles for an awkward “Hey, you…” instead while subtly moving backwards half a step.
Foolish’s eyes widen in question for a split second, his hand was already hovering to reach her shoulder for a hug but he reluctantly takes it back to his side. An expression of confusion and a bit of hurt flashes on his features and Tina regrets everything. She wants to cry, which is so dumb because she’s the one who evaded his touch.
“What’s up, man?” Miyoung butts in and breaks the tension enough for Tina to step back and let them hug. A wave of jealousy washes over her as she watches their easy casualness, thinking that that should be her.
Damn it, she’s so stupid.
…
Foolish is watching her, observing her like a hawk. She could feel his eyes never leaving her during the quick drive back to their house, his gaze is piercing through the back of her skull. The three of them are in a conversation but Tina can’t recognize or register whatever the hell they’re talking about. This is going to be a long few weeks. Disappointment fills her chest, she thought she was better at handling pain than this. She thought that she’s capable of acting normal, of being his best friend first. And the fact that she couldn’t, and her incapability actually hurt him? Oh, Tina hates herself a little more because of it.
…
She’s hiding in her room and she has a feeling that Foolish knows it. The guilt in her stomach is eating her up and Tina can feel herself spiraling. There’s a huge get together upstairs and she should be up there, mingling with guests and keeping Foolish company but the thought of standing by his side and pretending everything’s alright is enough to make her queasy.
Tina puts down the makeup brush and looks over herself in the mirror. She looks good. Quite attractive, even. The reflection staring back at her looks put together and confident, and she hopes it’s enough to convince everyone that she feels it. Tina sighs, she’s been putting off going upstairs and it’s not even helping her nerves at all. What even is the point of delaying the inevitable?
It’s a coward’s way out but Tina takes a shot the moment she sees the opportunity to, beelining towards the drinks table, avoiding Foolish’s observant gaze as she does. She knows that the moment she stepped inside the room, his eyes were already on her. She feels it, his dark stare following her every movement, and a part of her relishes the attention and she hates it. Please give me strength, she mentally prays to the alcohol gods as soon as the cool liquid touches her throat, an internal warmth touching her stomach. Comfort spreads inside her within seconds and she feels herself calming down. She blinks, she should have done this earlier. She pours herself another shot then drinks it.
“Simmer down, pal,” Foolish says, taking the bottle from her hand. Tina turns to look at him, surprised at how fast he reached her side.
“Where’d you come from?” She asks in disbelief.
“I saw you going straight to the drinks. I had a feeling you were going to be dumb,” he smirks as he takes the shot glass in her hand, drinking it for himself. Tina quietly watches the muscles of his neck, following the movement in daze, her face warming up. She bites her lips as she slightly shakes her head to clear her mind, oh she’s so fucked it’s kinda hilarious.
“What?” He asks with a grin, watching her face carefully. Tina gives him a small smile of her own.
“You… you will be the death of me,” she confesses with a defeated sigh.
“What the heck?” He replies in entertained astonishment, moving closer to her. “What do you mean, kid?”
Tina lets him move into her personal space, craning her head upwards to hold his eyes as he hovers over her. Tina sees the second his gaze darkened, flicking quickly over her lips, and the memory of that one night in North Carolina suddenly flashes in her mind. She bites her lips in reflex and she sees the same expression of recognition on his face. His skin flushes red in a heartbeat and Tina feels a ripple of vindication.
So that night haunts him too.
“Foolish!” Miyoung calls from behind, breaking the tension. He moves away but his eyes linger on hers a little bit longer before turning to Miyoung and Tina finally releases the breath she’s been holding. A lingering thought simmers at the back of her mind.
Realization hits her; he remembers what happened that night but is actively avoiding talking about it too. Anger builds in her guts, so what was the point of those weeks of suffering? This hyperawareness, this internal struggle… was he enduring it too or was it a one sided affair? However, knowing Foolish, he’s not the type to overthink and that makes Tina angrier. Did he even give a second of his day to consider talking to her about it, even just a little? She narrows her eyes, glaring at his back. It’s not fair at all, for her to feel everything while he seemingly doesn’t.
He’s so stupid. But she’s so dumb, too. The calming effect of the alcohol evolves into bravery and for the first time in a few weeks, she feels in command of her thoughts.
Foolish looks back at her for a second then does a double take the moment he sees her expression. His eyes widen in question. “What?” he mouths. Tina coldly answers, “You are the fucking worst.”
“What the fuck?”
Tina couldn’t help it, she rolls her eyes at him as response, takes another shot, then walks away. She goes straight towards the stairs, wanting to just hide in her hole and sleep the weeks away until he has to leave Los Angeles. The rage in her insides feels like it’s been simmering for weeks, maybe even months, ready to explode at any moment, and Tina hasn’t felt anger like this for years.
The moment she reaches her floor, she hears the sound of following footsteps. She turns back to see Foolish easily catching up to her. Damn him and his athleticism. Irritation at herself flares up again. It should be illegal to be attracted to the person you’re angry with.
“What the hell is your problem? You can’t be saying all that then walk away,” he tells her and Tina stops in her tracks but she keeps her back to him. She inhales, trying to calm herself down.
“I’m sorry, Foolish. It’s the alcohol.” she answers indifferently, just wanting to cut the conversation short as fast as she could.
“Yeah, right, kid. You’ve been acting weird since I got here,” he answers with a bit of sharpness.
“I’ve always been weird, you always say that. What’s new?” she replies back with equal sharpness.
“You know that’s not what I mean,” he says then sighs. “Is this… is this about what happened in North Carolina?” He inquires quietly but it’s enough to make her turn to him. He’s watching her with eyes so dark she couldn’t see any reflection of light. Tina deflates, rarely does she see Foolish look so at odds. Oh, god, he’s so dear to her it hurts.
“Should I apologize for it? Because I will,” he adds and she feels her heart break a little bit more. Does he regret it?
“So you… I mean, so it means nothing at all?” She asks weakly instead, defeated by both the pain in her chest and the sincere look in his eyes.
“No, not like that! I just don’t understand, why… why are you avoiding me? Just talk to me, Tina, not act like you’re mad without saying anything,” Tina has never heard him sound so on edge outside of playing a video game and she never imagined that she’ll be at the receiving end of his frustration before.
“I’m not acting mad, Foolish.”
“Yes, you are, you dumbass. And it’s honestly getting annoying—” Tina feels her teeth clench in response, her pain abruptly turning back into indignation. She steps towards him in rage and Foolish steps back, uncertainty painting his face.
“Okay, asshole! Maybe I am angry!” She exclaims, the buzz of the alcohol in her system overcoming her usual patience. “I- I’m mad out of my mind, I’m—“
“Then, I don’t know, man,” he interjects, his brows furrowing. “Wanna try explaining?”
“You want an explanation? Fine, I’ll tell everything, I guess!” she answers testily, not liking his sarcasm. “It’s not because of what happened in North Carolina, Foolish! Oh, it’s not because of what you were gonna do to me, what we were about to—” Tina couldn’t stop the tears from forming even while glaring at him. She wipes them off in frustration, hating being a cry baby even in the midst of a tirade.
“It’s because of how you acted afterwards… acted like it never happened at all!” she points her forefinger at him, stepping closer again. “Like, I’m sorry if doing that is just a typical Saturday night for you but for me, it fucking changed everything!”
“That is not— it wasn’t just a— what, no!“ He exclaims, his stutter coming out.
“That night is burnt into my memory and every night since then all I thought about is why?!” Tina grabs his shirt, clenching her fist while she glares up to him.
“…why didn’t you continue?” she whispers. Foolish’s eyes widen.
“What?”
“I wanted you to... I wanted… you.”
“Oh.”
Tina puts her forehead on his chest, inhaling his scent in. He smells fresh and clean, like a great clear lake with a hint of cedar, and it makes Tina want to bury herself into him more.
“Yeah, man. I fucked up,” she tells him.
She feels his heartbeat underneath his ribs, fast and relentless, and Tina takes comfort in it.
“I’m so sorry, Foolish. I promise I did my best to—” she starts but he cuts her off.
“Past tense…?”
“Huh? What do you mean?” Tina raises her head up, confused. Foolish is watching her carefully, his eyes so unreadable but Tina knows he’s taking everything he sees in.
“Wanted as in… not anymore?” his brows furrow, strain etched on his features. Tina blinks.
“I— I don’t know, Foolish. All I thought of the past weeks is trying to move on from you,” she answers and he grabs her arm.
“Don’t.”
“Wha—“
He moves his hand upwards, holding the side of her neck gently as he places his other hand on her cheek. Deja vu.
Tina feels strung out and overwhelmed and Foolish makes it worse by leaning in.
His tender expression, his soft but firm touch, the proximity of their bodies together, even the alcohol in their systems… everything’s the same. And just like that, they’re back to that Saturday night in North Carolina, just the two of them alone, venturing across the blurry line of friendship and something more.
But this time, Foolish’s lips finally touches hers and Tina falls apart.
North Carolina, a few months ago
“Alcohol is most likely the cause of all mortal sin but I bet you that Jesus would probably have the best wine and whisky collection up in heaven,” Tina said out of the blue as she ate her fries on the sofa. Foolish lost it. He wheezed out his laughter, clutching his stomach. It was already two in the morning and their casual drinking during dinner had turned into hanging out on the sofa. The light was already dimmed, the TV playing a random One Piece episode in the background.
“You’re telling me Jesus is an alcoholic?” he asked in-between his giggling and Tina turned to him with her brow raised, wondering what in her statement made him laugh like a crazy person.
“Not an alcoholic, just an alcohol aficionado.” She explained, then added, “He’s a pothead for sure, though.”
Foolish laughed harder, sounding like a broken bagpipe and windex merged together, and Tina couldn’t help but laugh along with him. She loves his laugh, loves how contagious and goofy it is.
“Where the fuck did that thought even come from?” He asked, rubbing his eyes, trying to calm himself down.
“I just thought of it to be honest,” Tina answered while giggling.
“You are a fucking weirdo.”
“Since birth, I’ve been told.”
Foolish chuckled again while stretching on the couch and Tina tried her best to not look at the hint of happy trail that peeked out when his shirt moved up. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and checked the time.
“Karl went ahead and never came back, huh? Probably already asleep. Do you want me to walk you back to his house?” He asked her and Tina looked at her own phone before gasping, it’s so late. She needed to get back to Karl’s place, back to the only available guest room between their houses. Tina grabbed her purse on the table.
“Yes, please. I didn’t realize it’s so late. Can’t believe Karl left then fell asleep.”
“Gotcha.”
The second Tina stood up, her world spun. Foolish caught her by her arm, keeping her from planting her face on the floor.
“Oh god, thanks Foolish,”
Sitting down made Tina forget about the alcohol in her system truth be told. She clutched her head, feeling the dizziness creeping in.
“Dude, sorry,” she said, leaning on his side as he kept his hand on her arm. “My head just spun, I forgot we drank so much.”
“Sure, just take your time,” he answered with a voice so soft it made Tina want to look at him. Her vision was spinning but Foolish was steady and clear, which made her giggle cause how was that even possible? Even in her drunken world, Foolish is consistently immovable and bright.
“What are you laughing at, pal?” he asked with an entertained smile, his eyes sparkling.
“You…” she started with a lopsided grin. “Have I told you you’re like sunrise to me?”
“I think you’ve mentioned it before but I don’t remember,” he responded with a tilt of his head.
“You’re bright and consistent… your energy is so revitalizing, it’s annoying.” She declared with so much conviction that it made Foolish chuckle.
“Uhh, thanks?”
“…and because I miss you all the time.”
“Oh,” his smile dropped, his face becoming sober. “Let’s be real, that’s all on you, pal.”
Tina hummed in agreement. It’s true. The common thread of why they rarely meet online and in real life is always because of her. Foolish is just there, available and consistent with where to find him, and she is the erratic factor.
“I’m sorry, Foolish… I—“ Tina started but her eyes involuntarily moved to his mouth when he unconsciously licked over them. Her thoughts short-circuited. “I…”
Tina hates his lips, hates how nicely shaped it is, how his stupid cupid’s bow makes her tummy do funny flips whenever she catches a glimpse of it. Well, in truth, she hates a lot of things about Foolish’s natural features just because of how effortlessly attractive he is and Tina might be reserve but she’s not blind.
“Tina?”
Tina blinked and realized that she’s been staring at his mouth much longer than she should. She squeaked, trying to move away from his touch and proximity
“Oh, god! I’m sorry! I was— I, umm,” she stuttered, trying her best to not look at his eyes. “I didn’t mean to, Foolish. I think I drank too much, I—“
“Tina.” He said with a tone he’s never used before, different enough for Tina to glance back at him. His eyes are so dark, his expression pensive. Tina gulped, his hand was still gripping her arm.
“Y-yeah?” She asked unsurely.
Foolish then moved his hand to the side of her face, his thumb stroking her bottom lip gently. Tina stilled. Something in her gut stirred, something akin to longing and want. It was dangerous, it was something friends shouldn’t feel for each other.
“Foolish?”
He leaned in as his other hand moved to her waist, his eyes stuck on her lips. Tina closed her eyes in anticipation. She felt his nose stroking her cheek, his face touching hers. Foolish inhaled, breathing her in while his grip tightened around her. Goosebumps rose on her skin, her insides are on fire and she wanted to embrace the inferno.
Then the warmth disappeared in an instant, his touch gone.
Tina opened her eyes, confused and dazed. He was now standing away from her, his back to her. The only movement she saw was him regulating his breathing.
“F-foolish?” Tina whispered, hurt and confounded at what just happened. Was that some sort of rejection? But, how could she be rejected when he was the one who initiated it? She only stared at his lips for a second too long, he, on the other hand, actually leaned in. “What was—“
“It’s late, we have to go,” he cut her off, moving towards the door and refusing to look back at her. “I’ll wait for you outside.”
Pain and confusion like she has never known before started roiling in her gut. Tina’s world had turned upside down.
Los Angeles, Present
It feels like Foolish is devouring her entire being, the way he’s kissing her like she’s his last lifeline. Tina knows that he has a solid amount of sexual experience under his belt but with the way he’s holding her, she wonders if he does this on a regular basis, or if this is just one of those things he’s naturally good at.
His hands are roaming her body tenderly but firmly, like he’s familiarizing himself with the shape of her, and there’s lingering heat on the path of his touch. Tina has experience kissing but it never felt like this before, never felt like she’s being consumed whole and she actually wants it. She’s always believed that she was built to not want it, not the way other people crave for it, but it turns out she only needed a man with the darkest eyes and an infectious smile to stir that part of her. Cause right now, Tina has never felt so alive.
Foolish stops the kiss, making her grumble a pathetic moan of protest. He chuckles.
“What the fuck,” Tina whispers in disbelief, panting to catch her breath.
“Yeah, what the fuck,” Foolish agrees.
“What was that?”
“That was what I wanted to do months ago until good sense told me not to.”
“Oh,” Tina stares at him with wide eyes, speechless to whatever just happened. “Oh.”
“Just oh? After the dramatics you did earlier?”
“Umm, I’m sorry, I was just— I got angry—”
“—clearly,”
Tina glares at him and something in her expression makes him laugh softly. She scoffs.
“Okay, dude. Unlike you, I don’t do kissing like that on a regular basis so if you could just—“
He kisses her again, gentler this time, and Tina feels like every part of her skin that he touches is almost on fire. She wraps her arms around his neck, reciprocating the sensation of his own arms around her. She’s on her toes to reach him properly but it doesn’t matter because Foolish easily lifts her to his height.
A sound of something falling made Foolish stop the kiss while Tina bewilderedly opens her eyes. They look over boxes of Amazon packages that toppled over behind them, and they both look at each other with similar expressions of both awe and confusion.
“I— I think we should talk more,” Tina says, still holding unto him. “But maybe after the party?”
Foolish nods before letting her go. “After the party.”
…
They said they’ll talk after the party but Foolish almost never left Tina’s peripheral the whole time. Tina doesn’t know why he had to, but he was hovering around her and she wonders if people took note of it. The liquid courage in her system that helped Tina hours ago is currently failing her because all she could think about while she powers through the party is wanting Foolish’s hands and lips on her again. Oh, this is insane.
Ellum and Miyoung are talking to him right now after the guests left and Tina watches silently from the couch as she feels herself becoming weary. It’s almost impossible to not admire his physique and the line of his body, and how that body was hers alone just about an hour or two ago. She feels herself shiver a little, maybe they should talk tomorrow instead, just to calm herself down. And as if he could sense it, Foolish’s eyes are on her. He raises his brows in question and Tina shakes her head a little, feeling her face warm up.
Foolish says something to both Ellum and Miyoung before walking away, heading to her with so much ease that it makes Tina wonder whether or not she just imagined what happened downstairs. He plops down beside her on the couch, stretching his arms on the back of it, and Tina wants to lean back and bury herself to his side but decides against it. Not in front of everyone, not yet.
“Tired?” He asks casually and she feels her heart jump a little.
“Yeah, a bit,” she answers, watching their feet side by side instead of looking at him.
“I’ll walk you to your room, then?”
“N-no! I mean, not yet,” she tells him in panic. “Wanna walk around outside? For fresh air?” she fumbles out and she wants to laugh at whatever the fuck she just said because there’s nothing fresh about the air in LA.
Foolish chuckles cause he knows her too well, reads her too well.
“Sure.”
…
“So what does this mean—“
“So how’s dating—“
They both simultaneously talk the moment they sat down by the pool side. Foolish turns to her with a brow raised and Tina covers her mouth while blinking at him. They laugh, oh they’re both so dumb it’s ridiculous. The quiet ambient sound of water is all they could hear, and the underwater lights from the pool are the only bright thing in the roomies’ backyard. It’s almost midnight, and LA nights are often chilly and calmer.
“You first,” he says quietly while dipping his feet down the poolside, his hands gripped together in between his thighs. Tina decides to not do the same, she moves her knees towards her chest and hugs them instead.
“Okay,” she says before inhaling. “I never really planned on dating, I only— that is, I was at the peak of trying to move on when I said that.”
“Oh.”
“I only said it in the moment, too. Maybe even out of spite…” Tina confesses because it’s the truth. There was an intention of wanting to hurt him, just a little, when she declared that out of the blue.
“Well, if it’s any consolation price, it worked,” Foolish says and Tina leans her cheek on her knee to watch his face. He turns to her with a smirk. “I was like, ‘fuck, this isn’t good.’”
“Huh? How so?”
“Tina, if you think I’m the only person in your vicinity that is interested in you, you’re stupid,” he explains with a shrug. “You think no one will jump in the moment you say you’re gonna try dating? Please.”
“I think you’re being a bit too overdramatic, Foolish,” she scoffs in disbelief. Her? No way.
“Now you’re just fishing for compliments,” he argues and Tina rolls her eyes.
“Whether or not people are interested in me doesn’t matter, dude. You know I don’t work like that,” she retorts with a sniff.
“I know,” he nods quietly, almost pensively.
Silence stretches between them. There’s tension still but the feeling of comfort pierces through whatever uneasiness is lodged in her gut. This feels right, to be sitting so close to him she could smell his fresh scent and feel his body’s warmth. Foolish’s presence is often like this; like a lighthouse safely guiding her in the stormy oceans in her mind. A beacon of safety, bright and constant and so essential to her survival.
“So what…. what does this mean?” she finally asks, unsure but eager to just get this over with. Sure she’s risking heartache again but isn’t this conversation the whole point of everything?
Foolish hums as he grabs one of her hand, placing it on his palm. The difference in size and color is astounding; his hand engulfing hers. He closes his hand around hers and Tina feels like her heart is ready to burst out of her chest.
“It means what it means,” he answers. “It means I want you, dumbass.”
“But why? Are you sure?” she stutters out in reflex, trying her best to hold eye contact.
“Tina,” he laughs, entertained by her per usual. “I don’t go around kissing people I don’t want.”
“Dude, me too!”
“I’ve wanted you for a long, long time,” he confesses with a shrug, leaning back on his other hand while not letting go of hers, fiddling with her smaller fingers, picking at her nails. Tina lets him because she knows how much he can’t keep still. “Longer than what you’d expect. We can keep being friends, this doesn’t have to change. However you want us to move forward, that’s what I want.”
Tina bites her lip, watching his kind face plastered with his stupid smirk.
“You’re really putting the pressure on me, huh,” she scoffs and he chuckles.
“Guilty as charged.”
Tina sighs in thought, watching him play with her hand as if he’s been doing it for years. She likes the texture of his hand, likes how warm and rough it is compared to hers. The Californian sun is doing wonders to Foolish’s skin, giving him the healthy glow tan he prefers on himself, and it’s so much more apparent when in contact with her fairness. Tina watches his face with frustration mixed with awe; he’s so undeniably hot and it’s annoying as fuck. Like, of course Tina wants him too, both physically and emotionally. There’s a need to claim him, of keeping him all to herself, and she should be ashamed of these thoughts but Tina realizes that maybe she is a tiny bit selfish after all.
“Alright, let’s do it then,” she finally declares after thinking it over for minutes. “Let’s try something out, you and me.”
“And what would that something be?” He asks teasingly with a smirk because he knows but he wants her to say it out loud. Tina rolls her eyes.
“Let’s try us out. Dating, and everything it includes. The whole package, you might say,” Tina answers, moving in closer to his side.
“Deal,” Foolish answers with a laugh before leaning down to steal a kiss. Tina blinks in shock before laughing along with him. “Oh, we’re going to be so fucked— we’re going to argue nonstop, and you’ll get tired of me, and I’ll be annoyed with you, and it’s all going to fall apart,” she explains in exasperation but Foolish nudges his nose on her cheek to make her stop.
“Tina, we’ll be fine,” he says while moving back a little to grab her face with his free hand. He squeezes both her cheeks with it, keeping her gaze on his. “Stop overthinking it, we’ll make it work. We always do.”
Tina wants to believe, she truly does. So she nods, trusting Foolish because that’s all she knows to do.
“Okay, okay.”
…
It’s been weeks since the conversation by the poolside and they both decided to keep this relationship to themselves for now. Her roommates are not blind, though. Of course they see the youngest occupants of their household sneaking into each other’s rooms whenever they get the chance. Of course they see how both of them are unable to be away from each other for more than a few hours. And of course Rae caught them making out in the guest restroom that one time, scolding them like teenagers about being more careful, to which Foolish argued that they were and it was Rae’s fault for not knocking.
They just arrived from the bowling alley with everyone and it’s to be expected that the two of them couldn’t help but compete scores against each other. Tina knew he’s stronger from the get-go but she had precision down so she used it to her advantage. By some stroke of miracle, she won over him by two points. Predictably, she rubbed it to his face because she’s a sore winner and she rarely wins against him so she took what she could get. Also, she just knows in her guts that Foolish will make sure she’ll never win any bowling games against him again.
“I’m simply just built better,” Tina taunts the moment they arrive home. He’s walking her down to her room, and she couldn’t help it, she just had to make one last jab to his ego. She sees the second Foolish’s eyes glint with repressed heat.
“Oh yeah?” He asks menacingly and Tina gulps. Oh, Tina momentarily forgot how worked up they both can get when in competition. Not that she hates it.
“Yeah.”
He grabs her from behind and lifts her face upwards towards his, claiming her lips. He groans as if he’s been waiting for this moment all night, and Tina feels her legs weakening.
“Room, let’s go in—“ Tina whimpers in between kissing and Foolish replies with a heavy, “Yeah.”
Friendship is such a funny thing, Tina thinks. One moment, she’s best friends with the silliest guy she knows, laughing with him about the randomest stuff ever, then the next moment, same guy is kissing down her neck while his hands roam her sides.
Foolish’s hands are big enough to encompass her whole waist and Tina feels a shiver of warmth climb her spine as he continues to leave wet kisses down her neck to her chest. She couldn’t stop a low moan from coming out of her lips and she feels Foolish’s hold on her tighten. He inhales.
“Fuck, I want to—“ he whispers on her neck, barely keeping himself back.
“Yes, please,” she responds.
“Is this what you want? Are you sure?”
“More than anything.”
…
To feel comfort in the act of sexual intimacy is a hard fought battle for Tina. Her experiences in that department of her life are memories she’s suppressed for years and she has yet to truly introspect her past with her newfound realizations lest she wants to cry about the girlhood that she’s lost, of what was taken away from her in the guise of love.
But everything is different with Foolish. It always is.
He touches her with confidence, like he naturally knows what Tina will like, and it’s infuriating because he’s right most of the time. His mouth is constantly busy, always on a part of her body she never really thinks of until he makes her remember it exists. He savors her skin and mouth as if he’s feasting, as if she’s served on a silver platter solely for him. She hears herself unintentionally gasp every time and Foolish chuckles in response, his ego a little too inflated. Oh, if Tina could melt, she would have already been a puddle on her sheets.
It’s like her body just intrinsically knows that this man was made for her because every thing he touches awakens a newfound layer of feeling she didn’t know she could feel. Her body coos and sings with every movement of his hand, like he’s a fucking maestro, and Tina feels like she’s about to fall apart.
She does.
Tina believes in a lot of things, she believes in the divine and she believes in the majesty of the universe. Every time she sees the night sky, she thinks of how small she is compared to the vastness of reality, of how trivial her problems are when somewhere out there, a star is on its last burst of life.
Tina believes in miracles, she believes in fate. Maybe it’s naive of her to do so but she can’t help it. How else can she explain what’s happening right now? For her to meet this specific man and be his friend? For them to click so easily, as if it’s meant to be? The moment she talked to him, a part of her acknowledged that she would never be the same. It’s like her soul just knew from the get-go that it’s protected in his safekeeping.
Tina believes in soulmates because Foolish exists.
…
“Fly back with me to North Carolina,” he declares while she puts on his abandoned t-shirt from the foot of her bed. She turns to him with a frown.
“Foolish, you know I can’t move—“
“Not like that, stupid. I meant, stay for a week or two. You can use Karl’s extra setup to stream if you want. Just,” Foolish sits up, running his fingers through his post-sex hair, looking ironically bashful after the atrocities he’s done to her. “I want to have you for myself, without your roomies for distraction. That is, only if you want to.”
“Oh, let me check my calendar,” she answers but Tina laughs at his expression. His dark, striking eyes will be the death of her, Tina thinks, especially with how he’s currently looking up at her with the sweetest intentions. Damn this man. “But I would love to, Fooli- I mean, Noah.”
His face cracks a grin so genuine Tina wants to do him over again. She can’t help but lean closer to him, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Noah.”
“Christina?”
“Ugh, no! No!” she backs up with a scowl. “Don’t do that!”
Foolish cackles.
…
“You are the worst navigator known to man!”
“I know! I told you we should use Waze but noo, you wanted to test my capabilities and now we’re lost!”
Foolish behind the wheel and Tina looking at the map is a match made for disaster. They had a brilliant idea of driving to a place called Albemarle Sound in North Carolina, just the two of them, and now they’re reaping what they’ve sown.
“Ri—, I mean LEFT! LEFT!” Tina cries while Foolish reflexively turns the wheel to the left.
“Holy shit, we’re never getting there, aren’t we?” He says before laughing out loud, finding humor in an otherwise frustrating situation. “You are unbelievable.”
“I’m so sorry, Foolish. W-we can go back, it was stupid of me to suggest it.” Tina wants to laugh too but she feels so bad because she knows how Foolish prefers not to drive and it’s definitely not easier with a subpar navigator by his side.
“Tina, calm down. I’m not mad, you know.”
Tina watches his side profile and sees the humor in his eyes, as if he’s actually enjoying this bickering and the fact that they’re lost.
“I kinda expected we’d be lost and an otherwise two hours drive would turn three, maybe even four,” he shrugs and Tina couldn’t help but sigh.
“Asshole, I feel super bad you know.”
“Don’t.”
“Easier said than done.”
Foolish grabs her chin, stroking her cheek while keeping his eyes and his other hand on the road. Tina grabs his hand and places his knuckles on her cheek, taking comfort in his touch.
“Tina, we’ll be fine. I might not be the best driver and you might not be good at directions at all, but we’re together trying something new and that’s what matters.” He explains so casually and easily that it makes Tina’s heart ache. Oh, his patience for her knows no bounds it’s insane. “Things like these are something we learn to work through.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” She says with a smile, kissing his knuckles before he puts it back on the wheel.
“Now, go back to that map and try again, soldier. We will make this work no matter what. Got it?”
“Yes, captain!”
…
Tina realizes that she’s so in love with Foolish it’s not even funny anymore. Goofy, stupidly attractive Foolish whose smile is as bright as sunrise and whose warmth reminds her of her beloved summer days. They finally arrived at the beach and Tina watches him as he childishly jogs to the water, removing his shoes besides her then going off in a run.
He looks beautiful with the shore behind him and the sun shining on his skin and Tina feels a bit too emotional. The sound of seagulls and ocean waves and his laughter… Oh, Tina’s so done for. She feels tears forming in her eyes so she hurriedly wipes them off but Foolish notices quickly. He runs back to her immediately.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, alarmed.
“I love you,” Tina confesses while looking up at him. All her favorite things in a singular frame opened up the floodgates and she hates how easy she cries. She’s just so goddamn thankful.
“Oh,” He says in surprise, eyes wide. His face cracks a huge smile, delighted and giddy. “Is that so bad? For you to cry about it?”
“No, it’s not—“ She sniffs. “I’m just so, so happy we’re here. Together.”
“And you almost wanted us to turn back, look what we could have missed,” He teases but Tina nods.
“You’re so right, you know better,” she agrees quickly and Foolish laughs.
“Shut up, you know that’s not what I mean.” He walks towards her before leaning down to put his hands on either side of her face.
“I love you too, Tina.” He confesses back and Tina watches his face in doubt.
“You do?”
Foolish scoffs.
“You think I’ll force myself to drive with the worst directions ever given for just anyone? Please.”
“Well, no, but you have no choice when it comes to me.” she says back.
“And I’ll do it again and again and again until you fully comprehend that I will only do it because it’s you, Tina.” He strokes her cheek while looking at her. “If you aren’t so dense, you would have probably realized that it’s always been you since I met you.”
“I— I knew you had a crush but I wasn’t ready for more than friendship back then and I thought you just naturally moved on,” she explains, remembering those small instances years ago that made her wonder, but she prioritized their growing friendship instead. “I honestly thought you got over me because you got turned off the moment you realized that I’m such a mess.”
“You are a mess, to be clear, but I wanted you still. I want you, still.” He shrugs so doubtlessly that it’s making Tina want to fall apart again. He makes it seem so easy, dealing with her.
“Don’t be so kind, you’re going to make me cry.”
“You’re already crying, buddy. You even have snot running down your nose.”
She pushes him off her with a gasp and cleans off her face with her shirt. Foolish is just laughing at her in the background.
“You liar! You are such a piece of work!” She screams in frustration the moment she sees that there’s no remnants of snot anywhere.
“You’re a mess, I’m a piece of work— it’s the perfect pair, some would say,” he answers before putting his hand on the small of her back. “Water’s amazing, come on.”
Tina finally laughs and in this moment, she has no choice but to believe in magic.
End.