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Sophie doesn't smile. That's it. End of story. It's a simple truth with a simple explanation. If the sun's out it's a sunny day. If there's a switch there's a light. If a rabbit is seen then there's no danger. If Sophie breathes then she doesn't smile. Then, it's simple, so long as Jenny is in her life she has no plan on ever leaving Sophie.
She knows it's not some kind of fairytale love, but she would be lying if she said she doesn't believe in a happily ever after. Because she sees it in Sophie's dark eyes. Whenever they're close, when they're just a breath away from a kiss, she sees the vacant haunt clear leaving only pure wonder and a burning love.
Jenny is certain that there's no face more expressive than Sophie's in the entire world. To an untrained eye she could seem stoney-eyed with a scowl permanently etched onto her face, yet she could write novels about the subtle shifts in her girlfriend's features. There's a beauty in the small changes even with something as ordinary as a scowl.
It makes her feel special to understand the subtle differences between her impatient scowl, her annoyed scowl, and thankfully her angry scowl. Whenever that one shows up Jenny is relieved she's never been on the receiving end. She's watched grown men cower at that one. With a glare that could launch a thousand murders it's almost a miracle that Jenny gets something more.
Without fail, hidden away in their kitchen, when Jenny tugs her close she gets to watch it all fade. She sees the frown fall away. Her face relaxes. It leaves her looking so impossibly young with her jaw slack and with eyes so full of love. It takes everything within her to not swoon on the spot or else she loses the cool confidence that gives her the courage to close the gap.
"I knew you can't resist my charm," Jenny comments as Sophie follows her lips when they pull apart. Sending her a wink she smiles at the rapid blush dusting across dark features. It's exhilarating, being wanted like this, not too many people would waste their time on someone too loud, too big, but Sophie looks at her like she's a living goddess and kisses like a fairytale prince.
"Dork," Sophie counters quitely. She gently pushes Jenny back and tries like hell to frown again but they both know it's a losing battle. Swooping in close again she secures a victory when Sophie pauses all together her hands hovering over Jenny's hips sending electricity through the ghost of her touch. Her eyes are so full.
"You weren't calling me that last night," Jenny hooks two fingers under Sophie's chin almost daring her to close it. Instead she feels Sophie push her face away with a lighthearted scoff. Ducking down Sophie brings her hand to cover her mouth as she laughs. She turns away from Jenny, she sputters through her laughter, "Gross!"
From here she can almost see it. Like seeing a violet sky on the brink of dusk, so rare yet at the right angle there's nothing more beautiful. She might be the only person alive who gets to see this miracle. Just as she can see the edges of it Sophie collapses into herself in a fit of laughter. It's so fleeting she could convince herself that it was just her imagination.
Maybe it's because she's drunk with love or maybe she's obsessed with seeing another glimpse of something so few people have seen, but Jenny lifts her up onto the counter squeezing her sides. It appears for a second before Sophie brings her other hand to hide her smile better.
Sophie's smile . It's hidden away in a flash covered by her hands. For as long as Jenny has known her.
Even this fleeting glance as Sophie drops her head down burying her face in her hands. Her choppy laughter bubbling up through the gaps between her fingers. The heavy weight on her shoulders doesn't seem so crushing. Around them the air crackles with an irresistible energy. The words spill from Jenny's lips before she can think better of herself, "I love you."
She watches Sophie's eyes round, the look within softens, her hand lowers and her smile is gone. There's a flash of hope clouded over by disbelief. It's so abrupt that for a moment her mind starts back pedaling into an ocean of self doubt; however, Sophie's expression softens into a gentle wonder that Jenny has seen hundreds of times over their relationship.
"Me?" Sophie asks softly like if she were to speak even a breath louder it might shatter this unbearable tension. If her heart wasn't teeming with love before she's absolutely raptured by it now. Only this woman could get her to trip over herself like a lovesick teenager. She smirks, reigning in her braggadocious self confidence, "Well, duh, what other hot lady is going to feed my ego?"
"Nevermind. You're the worst," Sophie wits back dryly. Her face is the picture of controlled chaos. She's trying to keep the smile from her lips with the best frown she can manage, but it's defeated by the slight tremble at the edges. A waver, a tick, nothing much at all, but it's intoxicating.
They have a balance that brings out the best in each other. She's the rolling calm to Jenny's firestorm of pure energy. Together they're each other's push and pull of the oceantide both amplifying and quelling their intense emotions. They're patchwork, with an intense anger that crashes across Sophie's stoic demeanor to the protective fire that burns at Jenny's fingertips.
There are gaps between them that for others might be a canyon of frustration and loose ends, but they make their's work. Where Sophie's happiness is a gentle, passive, calm Jenny wears her's on her sleeve with reckless abandon. There's an insecurity that comes with that kind of vulnerability, but Sophie is her confidence.
Steady and bold. Like a strong boulder that stands on a rocky shore. Sun warmed and worn away by the crashing tide. She's immovable so headstrong and sure of herself that it's magnetic. Her passion, her love, hidden away by an impenetrable exterior. Even though she would fight back and say that Jenny is the more confident of them both, with all the respect in her body, she would have to disagree.
Sophie's eyes connect with her's, a question flashes across her features, before she taps the side of her jaw with her left hand. Jenny smiles to herself. It's a non-verbal cue they've used since they started dating. Most of the time she uses it after a pretty bad episode when all she needs is Jenny to talk her ear off until she's ready to be touched. Sometimes it's used for this.
"I'm just wondering," Jenny shatters the silence, "Why do you hide your smile?" It's here where she finds her Sophie knowledge all the more useful. First her eyes widen marginally to show her surprise then follows the small tick between her eyebrows pulling in for her confusion. Finally her brow lowers as she processes it completely. Defensive.
Normally this would be the part where Jenny has to back flip her way into not sleeping on the couch tonight, but that emptiness in her eyes fades into a lingering sadness. She looks right at Jenny but she's a thousand miles away. That blank space between here and now where Sophie could easily get lost in nearly swallows her whole, but she answers coldly, "Because it's creepy."
"What?" Jenny spits the words so forcibly she's afraid it might actually fly out and give her blunt force trauma. Sure she's heard some people, the ones who don't matter, say some offhanded comments about Sophie's general aura. It will be a cold day in hell when she finally starts agreeing with them. She repeats herself leaning in closer to catch her faraway gaze.
"People say it's too creepy," Sophie says softly. She turns her head away in shame bringing up her hand subconsciously hiding her mouth. Jenny needs names. Immediately. Whoever made her feel this way just punched themselves a one way ticket straight to hell. Instead of going scorched earth on the entire northern hemisphere she takes Sophie's free hand.
"Bullshit," Jenny counters with too much misplaced bravado, "I'll be the judge of that." What the hell do they know anyway? If anybody, besides Sophie herself, is at least half qualified it would be Jenny. She'd long ago grown out of that early confusion. Where she both saw Sophie as she is now and as the world saw her. She was somewhere between accepting herself and falling in love.
"Jenny! You can't just say something like that," Sophie argues back gently. The distant look in her eyes begins to focus as her grip on Jenny's hand slackens. A deep sadness floods the darkness behind them. If she's not careful she might lose Sophie to that well of loneliness she banishes herself to.
As gently as she can Jenny rests her hand on Sophie's shoulder close enough for her thumb to brush against the dip in her throat. She finds her pulse point easily enough and puts just enough pressure into it she sees first hand that sadness falter just subtly. Her hand holding Sophie's tightens as she brings it up to her lips. Pouring all of her love into this one touch she sees it relinquish it's hold and fade.
"Who's a better judge of character? Me or some loser who can't be bothered to get to know you?" Jenny challenges, internally puffing her chest with pride. She sees a faint blush dust across Sophie's features. Whatever her words just conjured it isn't good. It's shame.
"You're dating me, so..." Sophie trails off on the last word obviously taking the worst out of Jenny's bravado. That sort of insecurity runs deep. It didn't start with whatever loser told her that her smile was creepy, and it won't magically end because of Jenny's love. No matter how much it's started to allieviate she still falls into these traps all too easily when she lays her heart bare.
"So... that means I know you better than those dipshits," Jenny watches the hesitation drain briefly before it's washed away by a gentle wonder. It's the same wonder that burns whenever Jenny pulls her close and kisses breathlessly . Like she can't imagine someone would care to know her or even scrounge up all the love inside them to love her. Ever so slowly she drops her hands with a shaky resolve.
"See I knew you couldn't resist my charm!" Jenny smiles brighter both lovestruck and bosteful. Sophie's face hardens. She fixes Jenny a deadly glare, the kind that would make grown men cry, the kind that lost it's luster on Jenny after being pinned by it more times than she can count. Her voice cold almost comically so, "I regret ever meeting you."
"If that were true you'd have change the locks," she says with far too much confidence. Somehow Sophie's face hardens. It's the kind of hardening she uses to convey that she's in complete control and not about to break. She watches Sophie pour her all into the glare before it breaks and her face relaxes entirely. This has always been the closest she's got to seeing Sophie smile.
"Jen, we live in a hotel. How can I change the locks?" Sophie deadpans. She can see her building up the courage. Setting up a simple trap so Jenny can deliver a lame punchline and like always Sophie will laugh like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard. It's vulnerable, and Jenny almost misses her cue, "Ask the front desk for a new door."
In reality it lasts for maybe a moment stolen from time, but to Jenny the world slows lethargically. The left edge of her lips tilt up first followed slowly by the right. Her gasping laugh filts through the air no longer hindered by a self conscious hand. Jenny could wake up deaf and she would be content. To have heard this laugh so free and content. There's nothing that sings this sweet.
Then, slowly, her laughter strips away leaving only her smile in the aftermath. It's sharp. Nearly splitting her face in two. It's broad. Full of teeth and absolutely blinding. It's insecure. The edges begin to waver. Her eyes are swirling with a strange cocktail of love and fear. Like she's waiting for approval or to be pushed away like countless other have.
"Holy shit you're so gorgeous," Jenny breathes out unaware that it was held in the first place. She leans forward capturing as much of her smile as she can with kisses trailing over her face. Sophie halfheartedly protests both pushing away and pulling in. Fully accepting that she deserves the love Jenny provides with reckless abandon.
Sophie doesn't smile. That's it. End of story. Her face is always fixed in a disinterested scowl, but here hidden far away from the world she wears her joy on her sleeve. She's held by a woman who loves like a drowning man. Someone who beholds her like she's the very oxygen that Jenny breathes. There's a spark in her chest, new yet so familiar, she leans in connecting their lips, "I love you."