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“The very existence of the schedule board throws me back to prehistoric times,” grimaces Jeongin as he pushes through the crowded corridor.
Seungmin turns around and pulls him by the sleeve to not get lost — after all, Jeongin's parents were the ones who asked him to look after the freshman at the beginning of the academic year. Although Seungmin would do it even without their request. He's known Jeongin long enough not to leave him to fate's whims.
“We're almost there,” reassures Seungmin, feeling the pressure of other bodies from all sides, elbows brushing against him, feet stepping on his toes.
Seungmin already hates this day.
He tightly holds onto Jeongin, helping him squeeze closer. A couple of steps, and they see a large cork board with many papers attached to it. It's truly an ancient tradition, considering that the schedule will appear in the personal cabinet on the academy's website, but usually the system struggles in the first days of classes, so one has to rely only on the good old printer paper.
And, of course, besides the schedule on the board, there's something else hanging. It's a big orange poster with bright text:
"Autumn concert,” Jeongin reads, focusing the phone camera on the board. “Auditions the day after tomorrow at five o'clock.”
Seungmin squints, skeptically looking at the poster. Last year it was about the same — apparently, they still couldn't find a proper designer — and the conditions for participating in the concert really upset him back then.
“Read on, the most interesting stuff is always written in small print,” Seungmin suggests, pointing his finger at the bottom of the poster.
Jeongin gasps, zooming in the photo:
“Freshmen can't participate?” he exclaims. “That's total discrimination, I'll report to the freshmen rights council.”
“There's no such council,” Seungmin retorts and finally finds the schedule sheet for his group.
He quickly takes a photo of it and pulls Jeongin back into the hall, where they can at least breathe calmly. They lean against the wall near the gym and examine the photos they've taken more closely.
“No, I'm really going to complain,” Jeongin chirps indignantly. “I want to go to the concert too!”
Seungmin smiles in response:
“The same thing happened to me last year, so now I won't miss my chance.”
“Oh!” Jeongin suddenly brightens. “Will I get to hear hyung's singing?”
“Only if I pass the audition.”
Seungmin himself is not very sure about it. Yes, he showed decent results in his first year of academy, but he still doesn't consider himself a good vocalist. And it's not self-deprecation: Seungmin just thinks he still has room to grow.
He opens Google Calendar to enter information about the upcoming audition, and then finally finds the strength to carefully study the schedule.
“There's not enough practical classes,” he mumbles to himself. “I'll have to take individual consultations again.”
Jeongin complains about the timing of classes and workload, already figuring out how he will force himself to wake up at seven in the morning, while Seungmin...
Seungmin looks at the schedule for Wednesday, where he sees several important words: ‘Economics. Mixed classes for all sophomores.’ He's heard something about how students from different majors used to be mixed for some disciplines, but he thought that tradition had long since gone.
“Fuck,” slips out of his mouth before Seungmin can stop the impulse.
Jeongin immediately gets distracted from his own schedule, “What’s wrong?”
There's no hint of concern or sympathy in his voice, just keen interest. It's even a bit amusing.
“Mixed classes on Wednesdays,” Seungmin utters, as if it could mean something to Jeongin. He has to elaborate, “It means they'll mix up all the sophomores and divide us into two or three groups,” he explains, but Jeongin still doesn't get it. “ It means I might end up in the same group with Han Jisung for the whole semester.”
Jeongin blinks a couple of times, holding the pause, apparently trying to make sense of what he heard or recall the unfamiliar name.
"With whom?" he frowns. "Do you have enemies here?"
Seungmin responds, "I don’t think this person qualifies as an enemy," and at that moment, of course, Jisung appears in their field of vision. "Here he is."
Jisung walks down the hall as if he's stepped out of an American comedy from the early 2000s. He resembles that crowd favorite who laughs at his friend Chan's joke and throws an arm around Changbin's shoulder. Everyone around watches them. Everyone recognizes them.
“And what did he do to you?” Jeongin asks as the trio disappears around the corner. “Stole your bun in the cafeteria?”
“Do you even fucking listen when I'm telling you something?” Seungmin slaps his shoulder, and Jeongin groans plaintively. “It was two years ago, when I was finishing high school.”
Seungmin is confident he'll remember.
This story haunted him for at least a month, and of course, Jeongin knew everything about the ordeal. Even though they attended different schools and couldn't spend much time together, it didn't stop them from staying in touch, having sleepovers, and chatting on the phone (mostly complaining about life and gossiping).
"Han Jisung!” Jeongin exclaims, genuine enlightenment shining on his face. “The one you called an asshole, right?”
“Yeah,” Seungmin confirms. “I struggled to cope with the news that we both got into the same academy, but thankfully, he went into producing, and I stayed in vocals. I prayed that we would never cross paths.”
“Guess you didn't pray hard enough,” Jeongin smirks cunningly. “It'll be interesting to watch your suffering.”
Seungmin, however, sees no reason to smile about it.
***
He prepares for economics classes as if the end of the world is imminent.
Seungmin meticulously ensures that his backpack contains everything he needs: a fully charged laptop, a notebook with cartoon puppies gifted by Hyunjin, a bottle of water, a charger and snacks. Of course, there's still a chance that he and Jisung will end up in different groups — such an outcome would satisfy him a hundred percent. But Seungmin isn't accustomed to relying on luck. Usually, life prefers to shove his face into the dirtiest puddle, as if it's the most delightful pastime in the world.
Seungmin is convinced of his bad luck when he sits in the overcrowded auditorium, where all the sophomores of the academy have gathered. The professor announces the group assignments aloud and invites students to go to the designated classrooms. And of course, his only support and comfort in this auditorium, Hwang Hyunjin, ends up being assigned to a different group. He sends Seungmin an apologetic smile and waves goodbye.
Seungmin, on the other hand, heads to another classroom, gritting his teeth in frustration. He'll still have to study for the next six months in the same group as Jisung.
At this point, Seungmin feels like the infamous five stages of accepting the inevitable will stretch out for at least a few weeks.
Here’s the thing. Jisung and Seungmin went to the same school but were in different classes and hardly ever encountered each other. The same situation continues now that they're studying at the arts academy. Seungmin is a quiet student, hardly known by anyone, while Jisung is a party regular and a charming favorite of the teachers.
But that’s not what irritates Seungmin. Actually, Jisung seemed like a decent guy for a long time, someone who tells good jokes and raps well. Maybe in some other universe, they became friends back in school, but definitely not in this one.
They could have remained unfamiliar individuals, barely able to find each other in the graduation photo album, but fate had other plans. Seungmin remembers Jisung's name very well. Although, honestly, letting go of what happened in school would have been much easier if they studied in different places.
But Jisung continues to irritate him even after graduation. And that annoys Seungmin.
He finally enters the classroom and chooses a seat closer to the board, so he doesn't have to strain his already poor eyesight. Seungmin sees Jisung taking a seat at the farthest desk and exhales with relief.
They still might not cross paths.
Jisung can still be ignored.
The class begins, and Seungmin almost prays that there won't be any group assignments in this course. With his luck, he can expect to end up paired with Jisung, and then he'll definitely lose his mind.
***
The next day, Seungmin meets Jeongin. Frankly, they'll be meeting every day during lunch or strolling after classes. It's nice to have someone to discuss pressing issues with. Of course, he has Hyunjin, whom they befriended almost on the first day of studying, but still, Jeongin remains his close friend, and the opportunity to see him so often is one of the few things that can bring Seungmin joy this year.
"Seriously, I don't get it," says Jeongin when the conversation turns to Jisung again. "It's been a year and a half, and you still can't forget about some stupid literature grade?"
Seungmin frowns indignantly, "It's a matter of honor, Jeongin. He almost beat me by one point, and I can't allow that to happen again. I have to outdo him in this economics class, do you understand?"
"Okay, fine," Jeongin gives in. "Do you want me to steal his sneakers so he won't show up for the next class?"
Seungmin rolls his eyes, "Firstly, he'd show up there barefoot if needed. Secondly, you just want his sneakers, you little brat."
"He wears cool clothes!" Jeongin defends. "Not really my style, but it looks interesting."
"You won't praise this guy in front of me."
Seungmin sticks a straw into the banana milk and takes a couple of sips, immediately grimacing. The drink turns out to be cold, so he sets it aside. Seungmin takes a deep breath, hoping he hasn't harmed his throat on the day of an important audition.
"It's today, right?" Jeongin continues chewing, but it doesn't stop him from talking.
"Yeah," Seungmin leans back in the plastic chair. "Still not sure if they'll accept me."
Seungmin attended the Autumn concert last year. Even though it was organized by students and lacked proper funding, the event turned out to be memorable. And even a bit inspiring.
That's why Seungmin would like to be part of the concert this year. After all, it's his cherished dream — to sing in a way that people listen and enjoy. Perhaps that's why he feels such deep gratitude towards his vocal instructors, and towards anyone who provides the opportunity to sing.
Because singing is everything Seungmin has.
Jeongin wishes him luck and says goodbye, hopping over to Minho to go to dance classes. "A talented person should be talented in everything," that’s what Jeongin said when he signed up for the local dance club.
Seungmin ends up lingering in the library for about an hour. Ironically, he’s studying economics — and who even needs it at an arts academy? It seems that the curves of supply and demand start looking at him unfriendly for these thoughts, so Seungmin closes his notes and leaves the library.
According to the audition poster, it will take place in the large concert hall located in the right wing. That's where Seungmin heads, hardly feeling nervous. Even if he fails, it won't be the end of the world — Seungmin still has a chance to participate in the concert next year.
Moreover, vocal students always have opportunities for performances closer to graduation. But that doesn't mean Seungmin doesn't want to sing at the academy's biggest concert this year.
Even from afar, he can spot an orange poster on the door, which Seungmin already saw on the first day of classes. Along the entire corridor, there is a line of people eager to participate in the audition. Seungmin doesn't know the exact procedure for the audition, but someone older advises him to approach the table near the door and sign up on the list.
So he does just that. Skips the line of about thirty people (some of whom Seungmin even knows by name) and approaches the table where a smiling guy is sitting. Seungmin also knows him.
"Hey, Felix," he greets, smiling modestly. "I heard that I can sign up for the audition here."
"Seungmin!" he says enthusiastically. "Of course! You need to put your name on the list and indicate which song you'll be singing. By the way, great to see you here."
As Seungmin fills out the form, he's honestly surprised. He doesn't feel like he's earned the reputation of a popular vocalist in just one year of study. Felix leans forward, conspiratorially whispering, "Chan reviewed the recordings from the vocalists' midterm exams. He said you were one of the best."
Seungmin blushes and quickly thanks him for the compliment before darting to the end of the hallway and settling onto the soft couches, waiting for the auditions to begin. First, he listens to the song he'll be performing today, then he starts to sing — doing his usual exercises, stretching vowels, and warming up his vocal cords.
By the time his name is called, Seungmin is ready to give it his everything.
Felix wishes him luck and escorts Seungmin to the concert hall, where there are hardly any people. Stepping onto the stage, Seungmin sees a table where three people are sitting.
It's quite logical that the judges for the auditions are a locally famous producer unit, one of whose members organized the Autumn concert last year. But for some reason, throughout all this time, Seungmin hasn't thought about the likelihood of encountering Jisung here, who is now seated at the judges' table, shuffling through papers and making notes.
"Kim Seungmin," Chan announces. "Nice to see you here. What have you prepared?"
Seungmin tries to ignore Jisung's presence. He looks at Chan and Changbin and smiles warmly.
"A song by Day6," he replies.
"Excellent," Chan responds with a smile. "Go ahead."
Felix, sitting behind the laptop, gives him a thumbs up and starts the backing track. Seungmin grips the microphone with his hands and closes his eyes. He sincerely wants to act professionally, but that's only possible if he doesn't see Jisung at all.
He begins to sing.
Singing is definitely Seungmin's element. He dissolves into the high notes, smoothly descends to the depths of the low ones, and blends into the stream set by the song. It's something at the level of feelings, inner sensations, and intuition, rather than blind technique, although Seungmin considers that important too.
He sings and sings — it seems like only a second has passed, and the song is over. Seungmin hears loud applause and opens his eyes. All three jury members are applauding. He respectfully bows and prepares to leave the stage when Chan stops him:
"I have an idea."
Seungmin raises his eyebrows and looks at him expectantly.
"During your performance, Jisung quietly hummed along, and I felt like I heard both of you together. It’s so good when you are together," Chan says, extending the compliment, then quickly corrects himself. "I mean, you sound good! Well, it's nice to listen to both of you."
"What am I supposed to do with this information?" Seungmin asks.
"I think we'll have you perform as a duet," Chan says enthusiastically, his eyes literally shining.
Seungmin doesn't have time to respond or object. Changbin supports Chan's idea, and the two of them turn to Seungmin to hear his opinion. Apparently, Jisung's position on this issue doesn't interest them much.
"Are you okay with this?" Chan clarifies, although it looks like everything is already decided.
"I..." Seungmin hesitantly says. "I guess?"
Chan claps his hands joyfully and lets Seungmin off the stage.
What the hell did he just agree to?
***
"He annoys me," Seungmin blurts out as soon as he enters Hyunjin's room.
It seems like the only place in the world where nothing changes at all. The entrance door squeaks just like it did a year ago, the wall is still adorned with Hyunjin's drawings, and he himself is sitting on the bed. Also unchanged is the fact that Minho is constantly in this room, currently lying on Hyunjin's lap and reading a book.
"Who?" Minho interrupts, looking at him with interest.
"Han Jisung."
Seungmin tosses his backpack somewhere under the table and settles into the wheeled chair, spinning it around a couple of times.
"Jisungie?" Minho double-checks. "What mischief did he manage to get into?"
Seungmin's mouth slightly opens in surprise.
"And you, Brutus?" he responds.
"What do you mean?" Hyunjin joins the conversation.
Seungmin sighs and leans back, squinting until stars appear before his eyes. Can he even come to a place where nothing will remind him of Jisung's existence?
"Han Jisung," he explains, syllable by syllable. "I don’t like him. I'm used to ignoring everything I don't like, but now we're in the same economics class, where I have to outperform him in grades. And we'll also be singing as a duet at the Autumn concert."
"And what's the problem?" Minho frowns in confusion. "Why don't you like him? Why do you need to outdo him?"
"It's a long story," Seungmin waves off. There's no point in explaining; they wouldn't understand anyway.
Suddenly, Hyunjin perks up. A smirk forms on his face, indicating trouble ahead.
"You think a lot about Jisung, huh?" he mocks. "Maybe you actually like him?"
"It's not like that, I told you."
"But you're always talking about him, even Jeongin mentioned it. Out of all obsessions in the world, you chose to fixate on Han Jisung," Hyunjin waves his hand vaguely, mimicking a figure in the air that presumably resembles Jisung. "That's kinda embarrassing."
"It's not an obsession," Seungmin wrinkles his nose. "It's a healthy competition and motivation to improve. I'll study better and sing better."
Hyunjin raises his hands as if there's no point in arguing further on this topic.
"Well, well," he says ironically. "Let's see what happens next."
Seungmin knows what will happen next.
He'll score the highest in economics and perform exceptionally well at the autumn concert, despite having a not-so-pleasant partner.
That's how it will be. Of course.
***
Next Wednesday, Seungmin arrives for the class a bit earlier. There's a whole ten minutes to spare, which can be spent reviewing the notes from the previous lecture or solving additional tasks. It's a good opportunity to switch his brain into study mode, get accustomed to focused activity, and...
"Hey," Jisung approaches him, scraping the chair — the sound seems to drown out everything else in the lecture hall. "Mind if I join?"
Seungmin jolts, unable to say anything. All he can manage is a slight nod, and Jisung immediately takes a seat, professionally folding his arms on the desk.
"I know we haven't really talked much, but I have a favor to ask you."
These words are at least surprising.
Firstly, Jisung doesn't seem like the type to ask others for help.
Secondly, why out of the entire group did he choose to approach Seungmin?
"What kind of favour?" Seungmin decides to feel out the situation before declining.
Jisung looks around furtively, as if someone might be interested in their conversation, and leans in a little closer. For some reason, Seungmin feels like Jisung’s going to peddle weed.
"Can you help me with economics?"
What the fuck?
"Help?" Seungmin clarifies. "In what way?"
"I'm not talking about doing homework for me, don't get me wrong! It's just that the professor explains things in a fucking confusing way, and you seem to get this stuff..."
"You want me to be your... tutor?"
Jisung nods and looks at him hopefully.
Meanwhile, Seungmin feels lost. His desire to get the highest score and surpass Jisung, vanishes in an instant. Now it feels more like competing with a little kid, and Seungmin has enough integrity not to offend five-year-olds. Even mental ones.
Why did he even think Jisung would be good at economics? After all, back in school, he outperformed him specifically in literature. Jisung wrote excellent essays and loved to participate in debates about literary works and their characters.
Suddenly, Seungmin feels offended. He had prepared so hard to spend six months in this absurd competition, and all for what? Just so his main competitor could personally come to him with a white flag in hand?
In the end, Seungmin asks, "Why should I help you?"
"Please?" he says, trying to put on the most innocent expression, resembling the cat from Shrek. "I don't understand anything about economics, and if I fail this class, I'll lose my scholarship."
Seungmin doesn't consider himself a kind person. He's not kind or generous; his heart is small and cold. That's exactly why Seungmin doesn't understand what's happening to him. Why does he suddenly want to pity Jisung?"
Maybe because all this time Jisung wasn't his enemy?
Maybe he didn't even know how much he had offended Seungmin in the last year of high school?
And, after all, teaching someone else is one of the best methods for mastering the material. Besides, they'll still have to spend time at rehearsals, so he won't be able to get away from Jisung.
But Jisung still slightly irritates him on some everyday or domestic level, like a mosquito flying around the room and disturbing his sleep.
"What will I get for it?" Seungmin inquires. "For the help."
"Oh!" Jisung is pleased even with such a response. "I can offer coffee and dinner after each session."
That price suits Seungmin.
Perhaps he will regret it in the future, but at this moment, the decision seems logical and correct. He agrees, and Jisung shakes his hand. Seungmin immediately wants to wash it.
"And, uh," Jisung awkwardly scratches his head and looks away. "Can I have your phone number?"
***
Jisung writes to him the next day and invites Seungmin to come to the recording studio and discuss the song they will sing at the concert.
Seungmin has not been to this part of the academy yet, it's the domain of those who study production or participate in song recordings. Seungmin is still too inexperienced for such things.
He knocks on the door a couple of times before opening it. The studio turns out to be a small room with state-of-the-art equipment, several monitors, and a microphone. Jisung sits in a black leather chair and waves to him welcomingly. "Come in, just close the door."
Seungmin does just that, then settles onto a small couch. Now there is Jisung in the chair between Seungmin and the monitor table. Jisung swivels around, crossing his legs, and addresses Seungmin, "Listen, I can see you're not exactly thrilled about doing this with me. Maybe you're one of those who see themselves exclusively as solo artists, and there's nothing wrong with that. But the thing is," Jisung crosses his arms over his chest, and his colorful bucket hat seems poised to block out the entire view soon, "Chan-hyung said our voices sound good together, and I trust him one hundred percent."
Seungmin listens to him attentively, first of all because Jisung looks unusually serious. It's easy to agree with his logic: of course, Seungmin can express dissatisfaction and refuse the duet, but firstly, Chan might indeed be right, and secondly, Seungmin doesn't want to start a conflict out of nowhere.
"All good," he replies. "I'm okay with singing with you. What song will it be? Some cover?"
Jisung seems to relax. His posture becomes more calm and, one might even say, languid. He sprawls in the chair almost like a jellyfish and makes a sudden turn to face the computer.
"I have a song I've been wanting to perform for a while," says Jisung, simultaneously making a few clicks. "It's called Volcano."
Seungmin stands up interestedly to approach the computer and hear the song better. Starting with a slow melody, the song unfolds, increasing in dramatic intensity. Jisung's voice fills the room in waves, which seem to grow sharper with each passing second.
Seungmin feels this song deep inside himself, as if it has managed to get under his skin and settle there.
When silence falls in the studio, Seungmin finally looks at Jisung: he doesn't take his eyes off the monitor, where the sound track is displayed.
Jisung quickly taps his finger on the wheel of the computer mouse, and Seungmin finally realizes that he is nervous.
"Did you write it yourself?" he asks. "And the lyrics too?"
"Yeah," Jisung nods, pulling his bucket hat down even lower. "Nothing special, just... A piece of cake."
Seungmin doesn't even need to see his face to know that's far from the truth. He's interacted with songwriters before. Like any other creative endeavor, it's exhausting. People pour many hours and insane amounts of energy into these things so that in the end, folks like Seungmin can claim the song as their own.
This is almost an intimate process. Does Jisung really find it so easy to share his own song with him?"
"I liked it," Seungmin says. "But still, why not a cover?"
Jisung clears his throat. "Firstly, it's boring. Secondly, I've wanted to sing it at the concert for a while now, and I think Chan's right. Our voices will sound good together."
Seungmin nods absently.
Later, Jisung types out the song lyrics for him, and they try to sing it together. Even on the first attempt, it turns out great. Seungmin is startled by how much he actually enjoys it. He likes the song, he enjoys singing and hearing Jisung.
It feels so weird — being in the same room with someone who irritated him just a week ago and yet experiencing pure pleasure.
"Are you free this weekend?" Jisung asks as Seungmin meticulously packs his things into his backpack.
For some reason, his heart starts beating faster, and blood rushes to his face.
"More or less," he vaguely responds. "Why do you ask?"
"Economics," Jisung reminds him. "Time to study."
***
When they meet near the main building of the academy, Jisung smiles warmly and offers Seungmin a cup of iced Americano. It's a good day. The wind is still a bit chilly, but the sun feels pleasantly warm, making it seem like a nice day for a stroll.
"Let's go," Jisung calls him over, surprisingly leading him away from the academy building.
"I thought we'd study somewhere in the library," Seungmin awkwardly remarks, following him.
"Boring!" Jisung declares. "I found a cool spot."
Seungmin hopes it's not an underground club with rap battles.
They walk for about fifteen minutes, mostly discussing the upcoming concert and other performances. Jisung talks about how he met Chan in his first year, how they started writing music together, and how he first performed rap.
Seungmin enjoys listening to him, primarily because Jisung is easy to understand. Seungmin is just as passionate about music. He can't imagine a day without singing or playing the guitar, and he knows that Jisung is the same.
Jisung always carries a thick notebook, occasionally getting distracted from the conversation to jot down song lyrics in a voice message to himself, and he loves to search for random information to later incorporate it into the lyrics.
Here's Seungmin's true fixation — not Jisung, as Hyunjin joked, but music. And it's nice to talk to someone who understands that.
When they enter the place, Jisung gallantly holds the door open for him, and Seungmin rolls his eyes. But any indignation fades away when Seungmin sees where they are.
Fucking Han Jisung has brought him to a dog café.
There are several tables and sofas inside the café, and dogs are everywhere. Seungmin immediately notices a golden retriever settling near the window to catch the warmth of the sun's rays, two cute pugs lying on a soft cushion, and a spaniel wagging around the barista's feet.
This place feels like paradise.
"How did you know I'd like it here?" Seungmin says as they sit down at an empty table.
"Are you kidding? You spent the entire elementary school drawing nothing but dogs for art contests. Of course I knew you'd like it."
Seungmin never thought anyone would remember such a trivial detail. It was disconcerting — the sincerity with which he believed in his own dullness and invisibility, and the fact that out of all the people in the world, Jisung knew such an insignificant detail about him.
Seungmin brushes off this thought, suggesting they start the lesson.
They spend a whole hour quite successfully going over the topics covered. As promised, Jisung buys him a drink, cocoa with marshmallows.
Jisung is not stupid. He easily grasps the material explained by Seungmin when he starts articulating his thoughts in the form of metaphors and comparisons. Apparently, he was truly intimidated by the dryness and primness with which their professor conducted lectures. Turns out, it's not that difficult after all.
As they contemplate leaving the café, something happens: the golden retriever starts sniffing Seungmin's leg and nudges his nose towards his thigh, demanding affection.
Seungmin can't resist, so he lowers his hand onto the dog's head, gently stroking the space between its ears and descending to the withers. The retriever wags its tail happily and opens its mouth in a semblance of a smile, sticking out its tongue. Seungmin suddenly feels so much tenderness that it seems like he's being torn apart from the inside.
"You look like someone just died right now."
Seungmin gets distracted from the dog and looks at Jisung:
"Do I?"
"Yeah," he nods vigorously. "Didn't want to distract you from your great thoughts, inaccessible to mere mortals, but you looked genuinely sad."
Pursing his lips, Seungmin returns his hand to the dog's head, still sitting nearby:
"I want a dog."
"Oh!" Jisung exclaims. "Me too. And a cat. But a little later, when I move to my own apartment."
Seungmin feels that strange warmth in his chest again.
"My problem isn't with moving," he shakes his head, pausing to choose his words carefully. "I'm afraid of getting too attached, knowing that eventually I'll be left behind. Dogs don't live as long as people."
It seems Seungmin talks a bit more than he should. His attachment issues extend not only to dogs. But Jisung seems oblivious to it. He sympathetically nods and starts fantasizing, murmuring something about how one day the lifespan of dogs will equal that of humans.
Seungmin finds it hilarious.
"By the way, Chan is having a party on Sunday," Jisung says as they leave the café. "Come if you want."
Seungmin's eyebrows raise in disbelief.
"I don't recall Chan inviting me."
"I'm inviting you," Jisung smiles sweetly. "What do they say? All my friends are automatically Chan's friends."
Seungmin wants to ask, 'Are we friends though? ' but bites his tongue in time. Instead, he mutters hesitantly:
"I'll think about it."
But apparently, that's enough for Jisung, who smiles broadly and trots off to the nearest park, arms outstretched to the wind.
***
By Sunday, it turns out that Chan indeed invited everyone to the party. That’s why Seungmin runs into Hyunjin near his apartment. And everyone in the world knows a simple truth — where Hyunjin is, there Minho is.
It appears that they were invited to the party by Felix, Chan's friend who is majoring in dance with Hyunjin. It's hardly surprising. Everyone at their academy knows each other at most through two handshakes, but for some reason, Seungmin is always stirred by such coincidences.
The party is held at Chan's house with a spacious living room at the disposal of two or three dozen students, as well as rows of soju bottles lined up in the kitchen. However, Seungmin prefers to start with beer, so on the way to the party, he buys three cans from the store.
He isn't surprised when he meets Jeongin in the living room. After all, that dance club has benefited his socialization. In Chan's apartment, he sees the party organizer himself, who hugs him upon entering, as well as rapping Changbin, Felix drinking tequila, and Jisung lounging in a chair.
Seungmin can swear he's coming up with lyrics for a new song right now.
Minutes and hours blur into a colorful kaleidoscope. Gradually everyone present gets drunk and starts playing questionable drinking games. When Seungmin cracks open the third beer can, he feels unbearable stuffiness, so he decides to get some fresh air on the balcony. He has to pass through the hallway and the kitchen, where Hyunjin and Minho are cuddling by the bar counter.
He wants to pour the beer right on them.
Seungmin doesn't have anything against their happiness. But at that moment, he starts feeling nauseated by their public display of affection — how they constantly hold hands, whisper, and call each other sweet nicknames. Ignoring them, Seungmin abruptly opens the door to the balcony, where he finally feels a pleasant coolness. And in addition, he sees Han Jisung.
"What are you drinking?" Seungmin asks.
Jisung displays a can of cola, and Seungmin is surprised — he doesn't look sober at all. Extending his hand, Seungmin takes the can and brings it to his nose, immediately sensing the strong smell of alcohol.
"Want to give it a try?" Jisung grins, taking the drink back.
Seungmin grimaces and takes a sip of beer.
"What the hell did you mix in this?" Seungmin asks.
"Han Jisung's signature cocktail," he boasts. "It's better if you don't know what's in it. It's like the secret formula of the Krabby Patty."
Seungmin snorts and turns towards the wide-open window. The air outside is cool, but at this moment, he doesn’t care about the risk of catching a cold. Jisung stands somewhere nearby, leaning elbows on the window frame in the same manner. For a while, they remain silent, but this weightless silence feels rather comfortable. It gently settles on their shoulders like a warm blanket, allowing them to dissolve into the moment.
"Why did you dislike me so much?" Jisung suddenly asks. "The entire freshman year you looked at me like I ruined your life"
Seungmin turns to look Jisung in the face. The dim light lends a seriousness to him, as if it was a matter of life and death. Somehow, Seungmin feels like it is.
He once again reflects on what has been happening over the past couple of years. How he treated Jisung and how stubbornly he blamed him for all his troubles. How wrong he was about him.
"Sorry," Seungmin's voice breaks closer to the last syllable. "I shouldn't have acted that way."
"Shouldn't have looked?" Jisung chuckles. "It's okay, I was just curious. Actually, I don't mind being looked at by handsome guys like you."
Seungmin shoots him a skeptical glance and gives him a playful punch on the shoulder.
"Shut up."
"Why? Can't I consider you handsome? You’re literally a boy crush, Seungmin."
It seems to be Jisung's trademark — to turn any serious conversation into a joke. This time, Seungmin isn't annoyed by it.
"You can," he replies. "But I prefer it when people praise my vocals rather than my appearance."
Jisung effortlessly picks up a new topic of conversation:
"Firstly, it's advantageous for a singer to be good-looking. Secondly, you have a great voice! I wouldn't sing a duet with you if that weren't the case. You have vocal control, you're stable, and..."
"Enough," Seungmin interrupts him. "You're embarrassing me."
"Seungminnie," Jisung extends, looking amused. "Didn't think it'd be so easy to fluster you."
He reaches out as if to pinch Seungmin's cheek — the way people usually do with cute little kids — but instead straightens his fingers and gently touches his face with the palm of his hand. For a few seconds, Seungmin stops breathing, as if suddenly plunged deep underwater. He feels the right side of his face burning under Jisung's touch, unable to utter a word.
He just watches-watches-watches.
Jisung slowly traces his thumb along the skin somewhere under the eye, and Seungmin continues to stand motionless. And when he finally inhales, the balcony door opens, letting in not only the noise of the party but also a displeased Jeongin.
"What are you guys doing here?" he grimaces, noticing how quickly they recoil from each other.
"Drinking cola," Jisung shows the tin can and steps off the balcony, patting Jeongin on the shoulder. "Want some?"
Jeongin seems to decline.
Seungmin makes no comment on what just happened and follows Jisung back into the living room, sitting down right on the floor.
"We've been looking for you for twenty minutes!" Changbin exclaims, pointing a finger at Jisung. "You're in for a penalty for this."
Jisung just chuckles in response.
"A shot of soju? Or a freestyle rap?"
At this moment, Chan joins the conversation, and Seungmin can already feel that it won't lead to anything good.
"You guys have to play the game you missed," Chan declares, and everyone else greets this with enthusiastic cheers.
"And which game did we miss?" Jisung asks.
"Seven Minutes in Heaven."
Oh no.
Seungmin looks at him, as if wondering if Jisung will back down.
But if there's one thing he knows about Han Jisung, it's that he's impossible to intimidate.
"Okay, let's go," he says, jumping up from his seat. "The closet in the bedroom, right?"
Jisung extends his palm to help Seungmin up from the floor and leads him into the hallway. Bringing up the rear of their improvised procession is Minho, apparently acting as the organizer of this game.
Jisung comes into the closet first, pressing against the right wall so there's enough space for Seungmin on the left. As Seungmin finds himself inside, Minho wishes them luck and closes the door. In the darkness, they can hear his quiet footsteps heading back to the living room.
It's dark in the closet, and all of Seungmin's senses seem to be working overtime. With every breath, he becomes more aware of Jisung's cologne, and he hears his own heartbeat echoing in his ears.
"Everything okay?" Jisung asks, his voice sounding deafeningly loud.
"Yeah," he exhales. "Just... weird."
"Oh, come on," Jisung playfully stretches out the vowels. "We're just chilling here. It's only seven minutes."
Seungmin feels like the metaphorical clock is ticking faster and faster. After all, they're in a dark closet where no one can see them. Isn't this a good opportunity to continue what they started on the balcony?
He feels his face flush. Fortunately, no living soul can see it.
Seungmin nervously swallows. "Time is running out."
"For what?" Jisung frowns. "For studying?"
"I'm done with studying," he snaps. "I mean time in the closet. It's been like four minutes already, and..."
"And?"
"And we still haven't done what people usually do in such places."
"But we don't have to," Jisung says immediately. "No one's forcing anyone, okay?"
"But what if I want it?"
Jisung falls silent for a couple of seconds. It's a miracle akin to the second coming of Christ.
"If you want it," he says slowly. "Then who am I to refuse you?"
Seungmin tries to find his hand but misses and lands on his waist. Perhaps this is hitting the jackpot. Jisung's waist under his touch feels almost hot, and Seungmin can already feel himself melting.
Since shoes are not allowed in Chan's apartment, Jisung's high-platform sneakers don't save him. Seungmin has to lean in to even out the height difference and connect their lips — this brat refuses to stand on tiptoes for anything.
Fortunately, Jisung helps him out. Placing his hands on Seungmin's neck, he pulls him closer and brushes his lips against his cheek, then finds his mouth.
Jisung pulls him into a kiss. Deep, wet, and unexpectedly pleasant even after three cans of beer and Jisung's cocktail. Seungmin tightens his grip on his waist and lets Jisung’s tongue push deeper into his mouth, smoothly gliding against the palate.
Seungmin feels like the ground is slipping away under him. He doesn't notice anything at all. The entire space narrows down to the size of the closet in Chan's bedroom, so he doesn't hear the footsteps outside.
Minho opens the closet door, and Seungmin can see a satisfied smirk on his face from the corner of his eye.
Seungmin jumps back in fright, unpleasantly hitting the back of his head against the wooden wall.
Jisung starts laughing loudly.
***
Nothing changes after the kiss. At least, that's how it seems at first glance.
They attend a couple more rehearsals, talk a lot about music, have lunch together (fortunately, Jeongin doesn't mind), sit together in economics classes, and visit karaoke clubs. Jeongin says they've skipped several stages of a relationship and started behaving like a married couple right away. Seungmin has to correct him every time and remind him that they're not actually dating.
He feels like life is falling into place. It's the fatal mistake of any unlucky person. He easily believes that everything will continue to be fine.
But soon Seungmin faces a new challenge, and its name is Family Dinner.
It's not like he often drops by home after enrolling in the academy, but there are things that cannot be avoided. Family dinner once a month is one of those things.
For this reason, on one of the Tuesdays that are perfectly ordinary for everyone else, Seungmin immediately boards a bus after classes and heads to the neighboring district. It's like a little journey back in time. Boom, and he's back in his youth, passing by the school building, thinking about dinner with his parents, and preparing for vocal lessons.
Usually, Seungmin lets go of the past pretty easily, but he still feels strange peeking into his former life. Fortunately, the key to the door remains unchanged, and he enters the apartment almost silently.
His mother steps out of the kitchen to greet him, and father is already waiting in the living room. Nothing new happens at dinner. First, the parents inquire about his grades, and then they roll their eyes at anything less than the highest score.
"I study for my own pleasure," Seungmin tries to explain once again. "I'm no longer chasing grades."
"And so it begins," his father says. "First, you enroll in God knows where, and then you say that grades don't matter. With that kind of attitude, you might as well drop out and go perform in bars, or whatever you plan to do after graduation."
His appetite disappears, and Seungmin places the metal chopsticks next to his plate. This happens every time, but he continues to attend dinners because he feels it's wrong to refuse.
But this time something changes, and Seungmin doesn't stay silent anymore.
"I'm sorry that you're unable to accept the choice I made a year and a half ago. I fulfilled all the requirements created by you and had the freedom to choose what I wanted."
He takes a napkin and wipes the corners of his mouth.
"When I came here, I wanted to invite you to the concert where I'll be performing," Seungmin continues. "But apparently, it's better for you not to come, so you won't be disappointed in your son once again."
He stands up, making noise as he pushes back his chair, and heads towards the exit of the apartment. Seungmin's hands shake as he ties the laces on his sneakers. No one stops him as Seungmin grabs the backpack lying on the cabinet in the hallway and rushes out of the apartment.
Seungmin knows he'll regret this in the future. Quarrels with relatives are not only unpleasant but also bring long-term consequences in the form of disdainful glances and ignoring. He has already gone through this after coming out.
His legs carry him to school on their own, but not because there's a bus stop there. Seungmin inhales the evening air deeply, sees the gray sky veiled in clouds, and finally finds the old swing, where he sits down.
He pushes off the ground several times, wishing to fly higher. Ideally, as far away from this place and this city as possible.
When his eyes fill with tears, Seungmin isn't surprised. It's better to allow sadness now, in solitude, than to break down later in front of others.
When he cries, he thinks that out of all the people in the world, only one could understand him right now. The irony is that this person's name is Han Jisung. Seungmin doesn't know anyone more music-oriented and isn't sure he ever will.
Remarkably, on this evening, Jisung's mere existence helps him to go on living.
***
"I've been looking for you," Jisung sets the tray on the table with a loud thud, making Seungmin jump. "Where have you been?"
"In the library," he replies uncertainly, trying to understand why Jisung would search for him in the academy building instead of sending a message, like any normal person would do.
During lunch, he usually meets Jeongin, but he ran off to dance classes again — where does he get the energy? — so Seungmin decided to spend part of the long break reading literature for tomorrow's seminar, and then, when the cafeteria gets less crowded, go for lunch.
Jisung appears just as Seungmin starts eating. He sits opposite and lets out a plaintive sigh.
"I've been looking for you because I wanted to show you something," Jisung says, chewing rice and sighing approvingly.
Seungmin looks at him expectantly, not even surprised when Jisung notices a steamed bun on his tray and shamelessly takes it for himself, taking a bite.
After all, Jeongin was right.
"So... a thing?" Seungmin reminds him.
"A thing!" Jisung pulls out his phone and taps the screen a couple of times. Almost immediately, Seungmin sees a new message on Kakao from him.
"It's a song," Jisung explains, "about saying goodbye to a pet. I somehow got stuck on what you told me back at the dog café, and... here it is. Consider the song yours now."
Seungmin's finger hovers over the file with the lyrics. Somehow he's scared of what might be there.
Jisung wrote him a song.
Jisung remembered what he said about being afraid of getting a dog, and wrote him a song.
Seungmin feels like this action falls somewhere on the spectrum of love languages for them. And he's not sure how he feels about it.
***
During the final rehearsal for the concert, Chan praises them.
"It seems like you were born to sing together," he blurts out, and Seungmin flinches.
"Thanks, I guess?"
After all the time he’s spent with Jisung studying economics and rehearsing for the concert, Seungmin is convinced — they understand each other. And it seems to him the most important thing for a successful duet performance, so Seungmin is hardly nervous.
He's sure he'll experience entirely different emotions performing the song in front of the large audience in the concert hall, but he wants to hope that these emotions will only have a positive tint.
"That's a nice compliment, Chan-hyung," a pleased Jisung stretches, coming down from the stage.
The rehearsal ends, and Jisung invites Seungmin to dinner.
As always, he agrees.
They head to a burger café near the academy, and Seungmin finally relaxes. He enjoys the smell of fresh food and listens to Jisung's chatter.
All the most remarkable things usually happen at entirely random moments. Seungmin convinces himself of this when a simple thought comes to his mind. After all, he never really told Jisung what happened a couple of years ago.
He never told it to the same Jisung, who diligently studies economics with him, sings duets, and writes songs for Seungmin.
Suddenly, it seems incredibly important to him to finally tell what happened back then, about the thing that actually had nothing to do with Jisung.
"Do you remember the last year of high school?" Seungmin asks quietly. "There's... one thing that made me feel weird about you."
Jisung immediately stops chewing and sets his burger aside.
"Wow, are we having a serious talk? Let's make it quick, I'm allergic to those," he says.
Seungmin can't help but laugh but eventually returns to what he wanted to talk about.
"That year, my parents gave me an ultimatum. Either I finish school with the best grades in all subjects and get the chance to choose university and major by myself, or they send me to law school with my father's acquaintances. And I can't stand jurisprudence," he explains.
Jisung blinks several times:
"And that's why you were busting your ass for grades? I thought you just enjoyed studying."
"Yeah, sure," Seungmin retorts ironically. "I wanted to get into the arts academy to sing. It was the only chance."
Jisung's mouth suddenly opens in surprise:
"You needed to top all subjects, and I..."
"You beat me in literature by one point, writing the final essay better," Seungmin finishes for him. "I fought for that miserable point through a bunch of arguments with the teacher, defending my honor with dictionaries and textbooks. That's why I was mad at you. Because I almost lost my chance to study here."
Jisung doesn't smile. His face reflects an active thought process, and he's probably reconsidering Seungmin's behavior over the past two years right now. Including the strange looks.
"You know, I would've messed up my essay if you had told me how important it was to you," Jisung says after a couple of minutes.
Seungmin feels like he's falling apart.
***
On the day of the concert, everything seems to be going wrong.
Seungmin wakes up twenty minutes later than planned, having blissfully slept through his alarm, there are no eggs left in the fridge, and it's raining outside. He tries to maintain optimism. After all, none of this will affect the performance. Right?
He idles for about an hour, then engages in enjoyable activities: plays the guitar and looks for new songs for covers. When it's time to head to the concert, Seungmin feels only calmness.
As he steps outside, the weather improves. Clouds still cover the sky, but the rain has stopped, so the walk to the campus seems quite pleasant. Near the entrance to the academy he meets Changbin, who is helping Felix set up the concert banner, drawn, as far as he knows, by Hyunjin.
Hyunjin himself promised to come closer to the start along with Minho and Jeongin, who promised to take Seungmin out to dinner after a successful performance.
There are plenty of unfamiliar faces of all ages inside the academy. Seungmin even sees little children clinging to their parents' clothes, their inherent curiosity making them look around. He also sees adults who have come to support their children. Next to one such pair stands Jisung, as always chatting so loudly that it can be heard throughout the corridor.
Seungmin is happy for him. Though the concert may not be that important, it's still nice to have someone close as a spectator. And Seungmin feels no need to complain about the absence of his own parents: at least he has Jeongin, Hyunjin, and Minho. That's already enough.
He smoothly navigates past the crowd gathered near the entrance to the concert hall and approaches the end of the corridor, where he can go to the dressing room and backstage. Chan greets him with a warm embrace that feels almost familial.
By the time Seungmin starts to warm up his voice, Jisung enters the dressing room and joins him. Once again, they sing a song together, fixing their hair and checking if their clothes fit well: Jisung is dressed in a denim jacket, and platform sneakers adorn his feet. It seems their height difference won't be so noticeable during the performance.
They had planned in advance how it would look. Nothing fancy or pretentious, just two microphones mounted on stands and live voices.
Seungmin wanders backstage, goes out to greet Jeongin, and then peeks at the progress of the concert, listening to the performances of other students while waiting for his own turn.
Before stepping onto the stage, Jisung squeezes his shoulder with a smile, and Seungmin suddenly feels not scared at all.
They appear on stage to the sound of applause and approach the microphones. The song begins — familiar, warm, and deeply soulful.
Seungmin finds the strength to open his eyes and look at the audience. His heart beats with excitement, which, as it turns out, cannot be avoided. Seungmin’s gaze catches on several familiar faces: among those who came to the concert, he obviously sees Jeongin. Next to him are Hyunjin and Minho, holding up their phones with flashlights. Seungmin sees his classmates and some teachers, and a little further to the left, he catches sight of his parents.
He almost misses his line in the song.
Seungmin sees Jisung from the corner of his eye, and turning his head, he meets his gaze.
They look at each other, and at that moment Seungmin sees no point in thinking about family problems or worrying about how he looks on stage.
Instead, Seungmin does what he and Jisung do best. He sings.
Your arms, my home.
My breath.
My God.
Seungmin doesn't know who Jisung was thinking of when he wrote this. And, actually, it doesn't matter that much. But it cannot be denied that Seungmin definitely understands these lines.
Their voices merge into one, and then diverge. This sensation is akin to a river current encountering an island, flowing around it, and returning to its familiar course. Seungmin feels like it's the most beautiful moment in his miserable life.
He sings about a volcano. About high temperature, about how everything will burn, about how he's ready to return hundreds of times, about how he will always answer 'yes.' He looks at Jisung, as if trying to discern something familiar in his eyes, what Seungmin himself feels at that moment.
You are my volcano.
They don't take their eyes off each other for a second and only break apart when the song ends, and a flurry of applause rains down on them. They bow briefly and exit backstage, but Seungmin manages to absorb the audience's delight in those few seconds they observe the spectators' reaction.
"That was awesome!" Jisung joyfully pumps his fist in the air as they exit the stage.
Seungmin's heart's still pounding as if he ran a hundred-meter dash, and there's a lump in his throat, hardly the aftermath of the performance.
Jisung beams with happiness.
And all Seungmin can think of is the overwhelming desire to keep Jisung like this always. To make him happy. To sing with him. To be by his side.
Jisung tries to say something to him — probably to congratulate him on the successful performance — but Seungmin doesn't hear it. It's as if all the words have turned into water, flowing past his ears.
He probably should say something. Thank Jisung for the trust, for writing such a magical song, for not hesitating to communicate with him even when Seungmin wasn't very friendly. But not a single word can come out of his mouth.
So Seungmin takes a step forward, closing the distance, and hugs him as tightly as he has never done before.
"You're my volcano," he whispers into Jisung's ear.
For some reason, the Jisung's body trembles in Seungmin's arms. He steps back to check if everything's okay.
Jisung is perfectly fine. He looks at Seungmin as if the latter at least had created the Universe. But in the scale of their world — the one that emerged in Chan's closet — such a feeling could be considered true.
Jisung reaches up — after all, the platform sneakers don't help much — and kisses him. Seungmin puts his hands on Jisung's waist, melting into the sensation and trying to prolong it indefinitely. Wanting to remember the taste of his lips forever.
"Nope," Jisung replies when he finally pulls away. His breath is heavy, there's a sparkle in his eyes, and his lips are reddened. "We’re both a volcano."