Chapter Text
James is sitting in a chair across from Sirius, in the beginning, they were trying to make each other laugh throughout this "very" serious meeting, which would have ended in disaster really, if they had succeeded.
Now they're both desperately trying not to fall asleep and so far Sirius seems to be failing miserably, with his head on Remus' shoulder and his vibrant sunglasses pulled over his eyes. Any fool could guess that he was already asleep but James knew he wasn't just yet.
Sirius was still unconsciously tapping James' foot with his own under the table, showing that he wasn't thinking about the meeting at all but instead stuck inside his head with his vindictive thoughts, and the foot tapping helped to keep him grounded.
James, however, was practically being bullied. Each time he looked like he was falling asleep, he would be asked a question, forcing him to stay awake. He couldn't help his tired state, he and Sirius had celebrated a little too hard over yesterday's small victory and the meeting just seemed to cause his throbbing head to become worse, a lot worse.
Lily clearly found it amusing from her half-smirk to the twinkle of amusement in her eye. She, still as beautiful as ever, always found a slight amusement when she knew she was right or when he was in some sort of self-induced torture because he didn't listen to her.
James tried hard to listen to the conversation being held but as the clock struck the next hour and his eyes got heavier it was becoming increasingly hard.
Until it wasn't.
For a split moment, his headache stopped, his tiredness dissipated and peace was upon him. Then his hands began to shake and he sat up straight, his ears began to ring and his mind was plagued with images.
***
He is sat in an abandoned classroom in the middle of the night, his lover in his lap and his hands running through thick black curls as his lover read aloud to him.
***
Calculating grey eyes study him from across the hall, they capture his attention and he has to force himself to look away.
***
He is standing in the Slytherin Common Room, planting what was going to be a fantastic prank when those mesmerising eyes capture him from the stairs, "Potter," he speaks and James knows he's a goner.
***
Images of a beautiful boy who resembles his brother so much and not at all, at the same time, a boy who was so smart but such an idiot, a boy that made all the wrong decisions but made sure James loved himself before he loved anyone else.
And he began to remember.
***
"What's your favourite colour?"
"Green, like the forest on a cold night. A raw beauty of nature."
***
"Can I get you a drink?"
"A black tea with 2 sugars."
***
"I'm sorry, I had to. He was going to kill me, James."
"You should've said no."
***
His love preferred sweet black tea rather than coffee, the piercing grey eyes rather than the forest green ones, and the feeling of his hands in soft, black, curly hair rather than in long, red hair.
James understands what has happened, he can't help but start crying. His beautiful wife's amusement is gone and she stares at him in complete confusion, Sirius is alert and by his side in seconds, practically jumping over the table and Remus talks to the rest of the group, explaining that it is probably just another episode and that they should get James home before looking over at him with sympathy.
He wants to tell them he's ok, that he just needs a minute to process but while they all stare and try to understand, he can't speak, he can't move, he can't feel beyond the sadness and ache in his heart.
"I hate you" he hisses and James feels the sting, "You're lying," he tries to defend, "No, I'm fucking not. I hate you." He spits and James feels himself break, he begins to drown.
He feels like he's drowning, deeper and deeper he falls into the bottomless pit. He feels worse because he can't even explain why he's crying, not without revealing all that was hidden. They'll hate him forever, they'll think him a traitor, a spy, they'll never understand, no one will ever understand the way he did.
"You can't just bloody do that, James!" Regulus whispers, looking anywhere else but at him, "And why fucking not?" James argues, "Because I will not be a rebound just because Evans told you to fuck off. I am a person who deserves respect and you deserve it too. Don't stoop so low and ruin everything you're trying to create." Regulus speaks, looking James in the eyes with his own tearful eyes before walking away.
Sirius practically has to drag James out of there. Lily and Remus are left to further smooth the situation over and continue the meeting, getting all the information they need before relaying it back to their loved ones. James begins to feel worse.
He feels himself begin to spiral.
***
"You better be fucking good to him, Potter."
***
"I will fucking kill you if you hurt him."
***
"He really does love you, you know..."
"...And yet you pick the beautiful flower over the loving star..."
"...Just because he didn't want to fucking die."
***
"What happened back there, mate?" Sirius asks as they sit on the steps outside the large building, "I'm sorry" James sobs and Sirius engulfs him in a hug, "You haven't done anything wrong, Prongs" Sirius whispers into their hug confused and James just continues to repeat himself, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He can't seem to speak anything else as moments in time flash before his eyes, "What's wrong? What happened?" He hears Lily ask as she and Remus join them both outside.
James doesn't understand how he'll explain it, he doesn't want to tell Sirius that his brother is dead, he doesn't want to tell Lily that he was dating Regulus, he doesn't want this, his whole life is about to be shattered.
But he also understands.
It's terrible and sad but James is glad too. He's happy the boy is safe now, safe from his parents, safe from Voldemort and safe from the war he would be forced to fight in. A boy so brave and so, so stupid. A boy whom James once called his own before it was all erased with one word and the tides changed completely.
"Obliviate..."
1052 Words