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Max opened the door and slipped into the bathroom, after escorting herself outside Chloe's room, saying; "I'm going to go take a shower, Be back ina bit." Chloe simply nodded and continued to smoke her joint.
She closed the door with a soft thud, as right when she turned around, she saw herself, her small, frail frame, and her clear, sunken eyebags from the prior shitty week she had. She clenched her fist as a clear scoff left her lips.
Why do I have to look like complete shit? No wonder people never make comments on my looks; what is there to fucking compliment?
She unclasped her fist only to make it grip the edge of the counter. Angling her head downward, she couldn't escape her distorted and fucked up image.
Fucking ugly, stupid, shit-faced Max. That's all I am.
I can't even gather to imagine all of the stupid fucking mistakes I made in all of those damn alternate realities, how many people's lives I fucked up.
Damnit Max! Your such a screwup. God, all the shit I did.. The incidents I've caused, what Jefferson did to me, and what i did to myself. I deserve it; I deserve all of it.
Before she knew it, her hands were clawing into her sides, grasping to rip out of the skin she had gotten so tired of. Tears welled in her eyes as she turned away from the mirror and slid down the door,her nails digging into her skin harder and harder. She hadn't realized she was being purged and consumed by her thoughts.
But inflicting it on her own body wouldn't help; it wouldn't work. She had to get something—something harder, something sharper, something to tell her how much she fucked up—to ease the pain that circled through her mind every fucking day.
Something that would steer her mind away from the dark, looming thoughts that waited to pounce and dig their teeth into her skin.
Shit! I forgot my bag in Chloe's room, fucckkk. Okay Max, you got this, just. Rinse your face off and get the bag.
She turned the tap on, splashed water on her face, and quietly opened the door, slipping out as she walked to Chloe's room. As she opened the door, the dazed individual glanced up at her and raised her brow.
"Damn, you took a shower that fast? What'd you do? Step in and out?" Chloe snickered, Being her normal jokey self, she stopped after she analyzed Max's red undereyes and slightly shaking body. She sat up and went quiet.
"Haha no, I just need my bag, I forgot it."
Chloe's brow rose. She's never needed her bag; she's always just used the stuff that was in the bathroom.
"Uhh.. Okay."
...
"Max? Why are you being hella weird? You never get your bag; you always just use the stuff in the shower."
Shit! Okay uh, play it cool; come up with an excuse.
"Well, you guys don't have any toothpaste. And I'm going to brush my teeth and stuff when I get out, and I remember I have a tiny thing of toothpaste somewhere in here."
Chloe did not budge, nor believe max, but she nodded slowly.
"Okayyy weirdo." She stated, then shrugged her shoulders as she slightly smiled and took another puff of her joint.
Max walked over to her bag and leaned over to grab it, she felt a sting in her sides as she figured when her fingernails dug into her sides it had ultimately bled, but what she didn't know is that the blood had seeped through the thin layer of her tank top, and Chloe was intently eyeing her, spotting it and rubbed her eyes to see if she wasn't fucking delusional, or if her best friend was bleeding.
Chloe looked around, squinting, before the thought zipped into her mind. She shook her head.
Your being paranoid, Chloe; Max would never do that.
She thought some more; she had taken into account what Max said.
Wait.. We went grocery shopping last week, and Mom bought a whole new thing of toothpaste.. So if we clearly have toothpaste, what was she grabbing?..
Then the realization of her hunch hit her as she sprung up.
When Max returned to the bathroom, she unzipped her pencil case that was in her backpack and pulled out a razor blade. She had detached it from a pencil sharpener around a week ago. She lifted her tanktop up and visualized the sore, recent scars her nails had caused. She looked further down where her lower hip was, seeing the hidden but now uncovered scars that had healed but were red and encaved into her skin.
She found a spot on her other hip, beginning to press the blade onto her fragile skin, applying pressure as she slowly slid it across. Her teeth gritted as she turned away from the mirror and faced the shower, and her body began to stiffen, As the thoughts that swirled in her head stopped, she zoned out, and only focused on how her hand made movements onto her skin. The blade made blood race out and seep down her hip, staining the waistline of her sweatpants.
She was almost done, still zoning out, tuning out everything other than her thoughts. Her face was blank and emotionless, lost, and hopeless. She didn't even realize her friends rushing footsteps until she crashed open the door, and she quickly zipped out of it, flinching and dropping the blade as it fell in the toilet, the blood that gripped onto the metal dispersing, making the water red.
Shit! I'm such a damn clutz.
Then she realized that as Chloe swung her around to see the horrific display of what her best friend had did to herself, her eyes widened as her hands shook, one throwing itself over her mouth.
"M-max.."
...
"Max.. Holy shit, come here. What... I.."
Max was speechless, almost as much as Chloe was, Chloe's free hand traced down her uncovered waist, her eyes darting from scar to scar, wound to wound.
Max then looked up at Chloe to see that she were crying, and Max sobbed as her tears were the only words she could give, the only left attempt as a cry for help.
"Chloe.. I-"
"It's my fault."
Chloe choked out, looking into Max's eyes for anything. Only to see nothing.
"N-no.. Chloe its not your fault-.."
"Come here.."
Chloe quickly pulled Max into an embrace. It felt like being warmed by the sun, wrapped in a warm blanket that she never had to leave.
Max's guilt stained Chloe's shirt, but she didn't care; she wanted to take Max's pain away and make it her own. Her hand caressed Max's bare back, letting Max sob into the crook of her neck.
"Max.. Why.."
Max loosened up, her body stiffening again, as she looked around for the words that she couldn't say.
"My choices, my powers, what happened to me, what Jefferson did to me.. All the alternate realities I fucking messed up. It's to much."
Chloe's own heart shattered in that very moment for the second time. staring into Max's lost, cloudy eyes.
"Damnit Max.. Why didn't you tell me any of this? I could've helped you.. Fuck!"
"Its my fault.. I should've seen you struggling; your silent calls for help."
"Chloe It's not your fault, you couldn't of known."
"How long have you been.. cutting yourself?"
"Ever since all that shit went down two weeks ago. It was to much to handle.. I needed to get away from it all."
..
"Max.. that will never help. It's only a temporary solution to soothe the pain that lingers in your mind; it never lasts forever."
"Believe me, I'd know."
Chloe went quiet for a second as Max finally settled into Chloe's eyes, sharing the sadness that consumed them both.
"I love you, Max. Dammit I can't believe I haven't noticed this. You've been through so much to save me.. To save everyone, I thought you were fine.
Chloe's hand then rested on Max's wounded side and traced over her scars. It stung as Max's brows stitched, but Chloe's soft hands caressing over her purged skin made her body relax, sinking into Chloe's touch.
Max took a deep breath, a breath that shallowed out her whole body and calmed it. She pressed her head on Chloe's chest, feeling her heart beat contently.
"Let's get you fixed up now, mkay?"
Max laughed softly, nodding.
"Okay."
And for the first time in three weeks. Max had felt something she hadn't felt in awhile.
Peace.