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Bakugo took a sharp breath; it was fine. It was fine. Kirishima was allowed to date other people. They hadn’t dated for two years. Two years. That wasn’t an insignificant amount of time- it was a long time. They dated for a few months in the first year, but while Kirishima had moved on, Bakugo hadn't. He hadn't. He had tried but he hadn’t.
He had tried going out with Camie when she started hitting on him more, but they ultimately realized that would not work after a few months (though they were still friends. They still talked now and then. She ranted about boys and he did his own weird, closed-off equivalent of ranting about Kirishima, which she’d gotten pretty good at deciphering) and he didn’t try dating again after that.
He had tried distancing himself from Kirishima, but that wasn’t right. They were practically extensions of each other. The world felt like it had fallen off its axis for the few days Bakugo distanced, and they eventually ended up right back at each other's sides.
So he settled for just being the best friend, pushing his feelings to the edges of his mind, making excuses for why he would collect notes for Kirishima when he was absent but not for Kaminari or Sero or Mina or anybody else, why he would cook for him, why he went on runs and trained with Kirishima before anyone else and all the other little things he did for him.
But when Kirishima told him he thought he was going to ask out Mina, (taking advantage of her having sat with the other girls today) Bakugo felt like he was suffocating. He kept himself composed, but it was the end of the world for him.
His blood was pounding in his veins, a freight train under his skin, wheels thrumming against the railroad in his skull, a herd of wild horses coursing through him, hooves pounding against the ground, echoing in his ear drums. His chest was tight and he was lightheaded.
It was ridiculous, to have this visceral of a reaction- to have such a physical, biological reaction to something so insignificant, but he couldn’t help it. Kirishima was the focal point that his world revolved around... and now he was leaving.
He was going to her, and now he was going to have to share with her; He was going to have to accept that Kirishima wasn’t his.
He was losing him
“-go?”
He was losing him
“-sty? -o?”
He was losing him
“-bro?”
He was losing him
“Bakugo!”
Bakugos gaze snapped to Sero, then looked around the group, frowning “eh?”
“What was that about? you got all spacey and shit outta nowhere” Sero said, looking at him.
Bakugo shook his head, taking another bite of food, “‘s nothin',” he said, taking a sip of his water.
Kirishima frowned, “no it’s not,” he said, “you look upset. What’s going on,” he said, shoulder-bumping him. Bakugo recoiled from the touch, glaring at the other as he put down his water bottle, which made Kirishima frown more.
“C'mon, bro..” Kirishima said, putting a hand on his shoulder. He sounded sympathetic and pitying and it made Bakugo want to break something.
He was losing him.
Bakugo shoved it off, “Fuck off” he said, trying to sound less agitated than he was, but it didn’t do any good. It never really did.
Even when he tried to be gentle all that came out was an angry dog lashing out, biting any hands that got too close to his kennel. Kirishima pulled away like he’d been burnt, a hurt and confused expression twisting his features, and Bakugo stood up, mumbling about how he wasn’t hungry anymore, then left the cafeteria.
He was losing him.
He started to walk down the empty hallways, most of the students being in classes. He could hear walking behind him but didn’t say anything, or even give the other the attention of looking back. He eventually was stopped when a rough hand grabbed his arm and tugged him back.
“Bro, what was that about?” Kirishima asked, looking upset- upset, and angry.
“Nothing,” Bakugo said, shrugging him off, trying to continue walking
He was losing him.
“Don’t give me that shit, Bakugo, come on.” he said, sounding exasperated, “we tell each other everything else. What's the issue? Do you like Mina or something?” he asked, looking at him. Bakugo didn’t say anything, stunned that the other had even realized he was upset about her. “Yeah, I’m not an idiot,” he said, bitterness seeping into his voice, “I noticed that you checked out when I mentioned her,” Kirishima continued when Bakugo didn’t respond.
“No” Bakugo forced out through gritted teeth, “I don’t fucking like Pinky,” he said.
“Then what is the problem? Because what you did back there? That wasn’t cool. We’re your friends, we just want to help ” Kirishima said, getting more frustrated
He was losing him.
“Nothing is wrong, leave me the fuck alone shitty hair.” Bakugo snapped back, matching his intensity
He was losing him.
Kirishima sighed, anger building, burning under his skin, “stop bullshitting me!” he said, his words forced and strained, tense, “I thought we had moved past this, bro. You can talk to me”
He was losing him.
“It’s fucking fine, shitty hair, go ask her out! Go be fucking happy with her” Bakugo said, resentful, bitter, angry.
He was losing him.
But…he wasn’t losing Kirishima to Mina, was he? He wasn’t losing him; he never had him. They wouldn’t have worked. Bakugo is too violent. A poorly trained dog, one that sat in the back of its cage, curled in on itself until someone came near and he could lash out and bite. He was a bad dog- he didn’t care who got near. He didn’t care if they were his best friend of three years, one who saved him every single day and pushed him to be the best he could be, one who looked past everything everyone said about him. He didn’t care whose hand was reaching for him.
He bit every time.
Kirishima deserved better- he deserved Mina, and her bright happiness, her positivity, and her sociability. She was gorgeous- you had to be blind to miss it- and she was friendly, she had an infectious laugh and a perseverance that inspired the rest of the class. She was amazing. Kirishima deserved someone like her.
“So it is about Ashido!!” Kirishima shouted, throwing his hands up.
“No, it’s not!”
“Then what the fuck is it about!”
“You!”
“…What?” Kirishima asked, his voice quiet, almost weak, like the air in his lungs was punched out of him.
“Fucking- nothing, it’s nothing,” Bakugo said, turning and leaving the stunned-still Kirishima to stand there and gawk. He went up to the roof.
-
Camie ended up having the day off anyway, so when Bakugo called her from the roof, asking if she was busy and if she wanted to meet up, she agreed immediately, saying to meet her in town in an hour when he was ready.
(“It takes you an hour to get ready?” Bakugo had said, walking back to the dorms, phone held up to his ear
“Sometimes... How long does it take you?”
“Like twenty minutes, max”
“Ugh. I’m so jealous of you” She huffed, then said, “I gotta go get ready. Wanna look pretty for you” in a teasing voice.
“Yeah, whatever. Text me the address”
“Will do. See you later, babe”)
Bakugo changed out of his uniform into something more casual, just a pair of sweatpants, some sneakers, and a tee shirt. On the way out he grabbed a sweatshirt too, pulling that on, then leaving the still empty dorms. He walked to the train, then took it to the station nearest the address she gave. He walked the rest of the way, getting there fairly quickly.
It was a little coffee shop, one with plants all over and dim lighting and bookshelves and mismatched armchairs around coffee tables. It was cozy and comfortable, and because it was just past lunch rush, it was mostly empty, other than the barista, a tall man in a sweater with dark dreadlocks pulled into a ponytail, and a teenage girl with dark blue hair with headphones typing away at a computer.
He went and ordered both his and Camie’s drink, which he only remembered because, as he told her, “it was too fucking complicated to not remember.”
Once they were done, he sat down in a velvet green armchair, sipping his drink while he waited. She arrived soon after, wearing a pair of black skinny jeans with ripped knees, converse, and a sweater with the sleeves cuffed. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and she walked over, grinning, giving him a hug that he only half reciprocated, before she sat in the chair across from him, taking her drink.
“So.. why do you look like a kicked puppy?” she asked, looking at him.
“Who the hell are you calling a kicked puppy?” He growled, raising his voice, and making the barista look over with a frown. Camie laughed and raised her hands in mock surrender
“Hey now, don’t bite my head off, babe. You just look... Angry. More angry than normal.” She said, then sipping her drink. Bakugo stayed quiet, silently scowling at his latte, before she nudged his shin with the toe of her shoe. “C’mon,” she said, her voice a bit more genuine, “you can talk to me, you know.”
So Bakugo did. He explained everything, from his and Kirishima’s relationship back in the first year to the current situation. Camie listened silently, nodding along, occasionally saying “yeah” or “I understand” or asking questions for clarity's sake, but never really interrupting him or stopping him. Once he finished, he looked at her, seeing her sip her coffee with a concentrated face on.
“You look like you’re about to shit yourself,” Bakugo said, lamely, feeling a bit awkward after having put all his feelings out in the open like that. He felt like a science experiment, pinned down and splayed open to be prodded at and analyzed.
Camie pouted, then kicked his shin lightly, “I’m thinking,” She clarified, “It’s just that… maybe he thinks you two aren’t like that anymore? I mean, maybe he does still have feelings for you, but he’s worried. You’re not exactly... I mean, you don’t, like, communicate your feelings well” She said, taking the stirring stick between her forefinger and thumb and moving it in slow circles through her drink, “I mean, it’s not like you two have talked about it, and you broke up with him, so he probably thinks that was kinda... Definite, you know?” She asked, looking at him
Bakugo shook his head, “No, he reacted badly back in the hallway earlier- and why would he be trying to ask out Pinky if he still fucking liked me?” He asked.
“Did he react badly, or did you think he was going to react badly and leave before he could even react? Because you said he froze and then you left and called me- and that’s not even bringing up the fact that you didn’t actually tell him you liked him then, just that the problem was about him” She pointed out, nodding to herself.
“What-the-fuck-ever” he scoffed, “You’re a fucking dumb blonde until the most inconvenient times” he mumbled
“I’m not going to point out how you’re blonde too,” She said, pouting again, before she said, “And, for the Mina thing… ever heard of a rebound? I mean, it's a little late for a rebound, but people get into relationships to forget about their feelings for other people, like, all the time” She said, taking the stirring stick and pointing it at him, “You did it, remember? I know you like to forget it, but we went out for a while. And I did it after that, to get over you, Shoto and I went out for a while. Maybe he just hopes that being with her will make him forget about you” She pointed out
Bakugo was silent for a few seconds, before he shook his head, “No.” he said, “No way” he added.
She rolled her eyes, “You’re just scared of him rejecting you”
“The fuck I am! I’m not scared of anything” He said back, raising his voice and glaring at her
“Then tell him,” She said, raising her eyebrows, almost challengingly
“I don’t need to tell him, he’s getting a girlfriend”
“Okay, keep telling yourself that.”
“The fuck does that mean?!”
“That means, I think you need to tell him... Unless you’re too much of a pussy” She said, smirking
Bakugo glared, “I’ll fucking show you who’s a pussy” He said, stomping out of the shop, slamming the door on his way.
“Does uh- is he always like that?” The barista asked after the cafe had been silent for a few seconds
“You have no idea” Camie giggled, then going over to him, “So what’s your name?”
-
Bakugo got back to the dorms in the late afternoon. They had been at the shop for a while, and adding on the time it took him on the train, he was out for longer than he thought he’d be. He walked in, seeing Kaminari, Kirishima, Mina, and Sero all sitting on the couch, talking in low voices. A few other people were milling around, but most of them were off doing homework, hanging out, or training. When the door shut behind him, then all looked over at him.
“There you are! See guys, I told you he was probably fine” Kaminari asked, looking at him, smiling, though it seemed a bit forced
“Where’d you go?” Sero asked,
Mina then added, “Yeah, you disappeared at lunch… we were a little worried when you didn’t show up for classes”
“I was hanging out with Camie,” Bakugo finally answered. She was one of the few people he never came up with a nickname for. She didn’t like it when they were dating, and by the time they broke up, it was a habit to use her given name. He assumed that was why she still called him babe too- though she used pet names with all her friends, it was also a habit. He continued, “We went out for coffee, and lost track of time,” he said.
Kaminari wiggled his eyebrows, grinning, “Ooo skipping class for a hot chick? I didn’t know you were such a delinquent, Kacchan” he teased.
Bakugo rolled his eyes, “Shut the fuck up” he growled out before looking at Kirishima, whose expression had gone from concerned when he walked in, to downright angry. Without a word, the redhead stood up, grabbed Bakugo’s wrist, and all but dragged him off to his room, the blond swearing like a sailor the whole way.
When they finally got to his room, Kirishima pulled him in and then shut the door behind him. Bakugo frowned, crossing his arms, and stood there expectantly. When Kirishima turned around but stayed silent for a few seconds, Bakugo raised his eyebrows,
“You're gonna tell me why you dragged me up here?” he asked, expectantly.
Kirishima looked at him, angry and tense, and said, “You were out with Camie? That whole time? It’s been hours”
“Yeah,” Bakugo scoffs, “I was. Is that okay with you?” he asked, sarcastically, “I didn’t know I needed your permission,” He said.
Kirishima ran his hands through his hair, “Don’t be like that. Don’t be a dick like that, you know that isn’t what I meant” He said, “You picked a weird dumb fight for no reason, said I was the problem, then leave school without telling anyone, let us all worry about you for hours, and then show up saying you were just ‘getting coffee with Camie’. Are you serious?”
Bakugo took a breath, before shutting his mouth again, “Get a fucking hold of yourself. You sound like a batshit girlfriend” He said, not knowing what to say seriously, so he deflected back to insults.
Kirishima closed his eyes, and a pregnant pause engulfed the room, until a minute later, when he eventually sighed, “What did you mean? When you said I was the problem?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit,” Kirishima said, immediately
“It’s nothing. You ask out Pinky?” Bakugo's voice was strained, the words feeling wrong on his tongue
“No. I was too busy worrying about where you were.” Kirishima said bluntly, crossing his arms
“Well, here I am.” Bakugo said, raising his arms, “Go ask her.”
“You know, you said shit like that earlier but… Why does it feel like you don’t want me to?” Kirishima asked, leaning against his desk, still standing, his arms still crossed against his chest
“I don’t fucking know. That’s your shit to figure out. I want you to” he snapped back
Kirishima sighed, going quiet, before he said, “No you don’t. You can’t lie to me, bro. We’ve been best friends for years.”. His voice was lower, calmer, borderline vulnerable.
Bakugo loved it as much as he wanted to get far the fuck away from it. He didn’t deserve Kirishima’s vulnerability, god forbid he ruined that too.
“It’s not your fucking business, shitty hair” Bakugo growled out, moving away from him
“Seems like my business, if I’m the problem”
“Well it’s not”
“Then what was your problem at lunch earlier? Why did you freak out”
“That’s not your business” Bakugo growled
“Then what is my business, Bakugo?! Because I find it hard to believe it can be none of my business when it’s about my dating life!!” Kirishima snapped, shouting at the other
“Fuck you!!” Bakugo shouted back, “I’m allowed to have some fucking privacy, I don’t have to tell you everything that I think about. You want me to tell you when I fucking shit too?! Jesus fuck”
“No, I want you to fucking tell me when I’m causing an issue!!” Kirishima shouted back, getting closer to the other.
It was times like this- rare times when Bakugo allowed them to get close to each other outside of training, where it was less allowed and more just a byproduct of the fact that they were a duo, they trained and fought first and foremost with each other- that Bakugo remembered just how much Kirishima had grown. Bakugo hadn’t grown much since entering UA- he was still only about 1.7m (~5’7)- but Kirishima? He had grown a lot, especially during his second year, and now towered above both him and the rest of the class at 1.9 (~6’2). Kirishima was also more muscular than him. Bakugo wasn’t frail or lean by any means- he was bulky and big like a lot of the guys in their class, but Kirishima was a different beast altogether. His quirk didn’t rely in any way on agility or speed (though he had both) so he had none of that lean cut that Bakugo, Kaminari, Sero, or some of the other guys had. Kirishima was more like Satou, or Tetsutetsu, big and bulky, a fucking brick wall of a human.
Now, with Kirishima pushed up close to him, Bakugo had to crane his neck up a bit to make eye contact, and couldn’t help but feel a bit small next to the other. He shoved him back- not hard enough to do damage, but enough to make a point.
“What the fuck do you want from me!? You’re not causing a fucking issue! It’s my fucking shit, so get out of my face and let me deal with it!” He shouted
“Just tell me what's going on!!” Kirishima said, exasperated
“What the fuck do you want me to say!?” Bakugo finally snapped, feeling the crackle of his quirk activating in his fists, popping against the calloused skin of his fingers and palms. He closes his eyes, continuing to shout, “I don’t want you to fucking ask her out! I don’t want to fucking see you and her being all disgusting and sappy every single fucking day, and I don’t want to hear about how fucking perfect you two are for each other or how happy you fucking make each other! I don’t want to see you with somebody else!” He shouted, huffing in air, his chest rising and falling
“You don’t want to see me with… someone else?” Kirishima asked, looking at him, the fire that was just behind his eyes doused out
“Fuck off” Bakugo bit out
“What do you mean, someone else?”
“Fucking- what do you think, idiot? God, you’re so stupid” Bakugo deflected, shoving the other away from him again. Kirishima caught his wrists, holding him still
“You broke up with me,” He said, looking at him, “What do you mean you don’t want to see me with someone else”
“I fucking- I was wrong, okay? Is that what you fucking want from me?” Bakugo growled, his voice hoarse, strained, as angry tears built up behind his eyes, welled up, and blurred his vision, before he quickly blinked them away, “I was fucking wrong and I’ve fucking regret it for years and I fucking tried to move on and it didn’t work and I don’t care how fucking selfish it is, I don’t want to see you with her.”
Kirishima was quiet for a few minutes, before he sighed, dropping the other hands. Bakugo recoiled into himself, unable to shove away the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and anger. All of it was so overwhelming and he couldn’t help but curse himself out for even thinking he should tell Kirishima all of this, let alone actually do it- before it all stopped, when the redhead grabbed his shirt and pulled him into his chest, hugging him tightly.
“You’re so stupid” Kirishima mumbled into Bakugo’s shoulder
Baugo tried to shove away from him, but Kirishima’s grip was unrelenting, and Bakugo eventually succumbed to it, going limp in his grip, crying angry tears into his shoulder.
“Fucking- you're such an asshole. If you’re gonna fucking… reject me, just fucking do it. Stop fucking being a bitch about it”
“God, shut up,” Kirishima said, half laughing, squeezing the other close to him
“Don’t tell me to shut up” Bakugo spat, though it lacked the usual heat that accompanied his words.
They sat together, quiet, until Bakguo eventually pulled away, opening his mouth to say something, then realized he had nothing to say and closed it again, turning to leave. Kirishima grabbed his wrist, “Where’re ya going?” He asked.
Bakugo shrugged, “away” he grunted, “I don’t want to be here anymore, this is-” he shook his head.
Awkward? Uncomfortable? Fucking suffocating?
“I just-” he trailed off again, unable to find the words.
I’m worried I just fucked up our whole friendship? I feel desperate, pathetic, nauseous.
“Bakugo,” He said, “I love you too”
They were quiet for a beat, Bakugo stunned still. He tried to think about any way to respond to it normally, but eventually settled on,
“I didn’t say I love you”
“You didn’t have to” Kirishima snorted, yanking him back into his arms, pulling them chest to chest.
Bakugo shoved his chest lightly, but Kirishima grabbed his hands, grinning down at him.
“Why the fuck were you trying to ask out Pinky if you love me?”
“Probably the same reason you got with Camie” Kirishima said, his voice teasing and light
“Rebounds usually happen right after the breakup” Bakugo muttered
“Less of a rebound and more of me trying to just get over you, move on” Kirishima shot back, “It's not easy being in love with your ex when you broke up two years ago”
“I know” Bakugo rolled his eyes, before freezing up a little at the absolutely elated look in Kirishima’s eye
Kirishima smirked, “That you admitting you’re in love with me, blondie?”
“No” Bakugo snarled, “And who the hell are you calling ‘blondie’, asshole?”
“It definitely sounded like you said you loved me”
“I didn’t fucking say that”
Kirishima laughed, shaking his head and hugging the other, “Whatever you say, Bakugo”
Bakugo grunted, but let himself fit against the other, puzzle pieces fitting against each other in the silence of the room.