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“They’re my people and I’ll make sure they live even if death reaches me”
You watched her, confused. You couldn't comprehend her loyalty. Her determination to keep them alive. Her people.
Then you remember that night, what she said. It all fell into your mind like snow falling from the sky. Lies on the ground, a beauty but soon a tortuous thing. At the time it seemed beautiful, and you admired her for that. Though now it was taunting, like hardened snow, cruel and hideous.
“I must protect them.”
Why would you let yourself believe otherwise? Why would you foolishly fall into a fantasy that will never be real?
You watched her and all you could think was, “What about you?” and “What about me?” selfish, hundreds of people that she lived with, she protected and all you could think of was letting them die to protect her. You’d give up the world for her if it meant she’d be safe.
You’d never say such things, not to her. You knew what you’d lose if you fell for her. That someday you’d lose her and still you let it happen. You took the risk.
Your hand loosened the grip on her hand, in defeat.
“ I wish I could change your mind but I know I can't.” you smile weakly. As your eyes glazed with tears, even then you still watched her.
How her eyes glowed under the light of the moon, grime stained her skin. She looked like a soldier, a true warrior.
God you loved her.
“You should go, run, the army won't come till dawn, you have time.” she urged.
“I'm not leaving you, I'll fight with you. Let me do that, please.” You begged.
She shook her head, “No..no I could never live with myself if you died in a fight that is not one for you to fight '' she stumbled. Eyes searching in hopes that you weren't serious.
Her brows knitted as she saw it.
You smiled, warmly.
You never leave her.
And still, worry had seeped through your skin. Fear that if you looked elsewhere just for a second, she'd disappear. As though your portraits of her would blur and no longer exist in your memory.
“I love you, more than I love this living. And if I die at least I died fighting for you.” your hand fell onto her cheek. Your thumb grazed her skin. She melts into your hand, and a heavy sadness cradles her limbs.
Even then you knew she'd never surrender.
“Please, Hange” you mumbled, desperation coating your words.
You'd never live with yourself if you left her. You'd rather die like a fool than run away like a coward.
She only nods, her eyes watching yours. Though unlike you, she cried. Sobbing quietly, full of sorrow.
“I don't want you to die,” she whispered.
You wipe her tears,
“Don't cry, you're my people, please let me protect you.”
“Alright.” she nodded in defeat.
You avoided her plea, “Don't die.” You weren't sure if you'd make it alive. Not after this fight, this war. Two groups against each other, fighting for the same thing. Survival and yet they would kill to live.
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The sun had fallen, the moon now alone. She no longer had her star. The star she watched from afar. A star, A goddess, though she was no god, as she was no eternal being.
The sharp gravel digging at your skin. Though you paid no mind as you cradled the corpse of a soldier.
Your love.
Those who fought by her side, and those she called enemies fighting each other around you. Slashes and crimson staining ground some call home.
All that you once fought for seemed like a joke, something that humors those who have had a few too many drinks. She was gone. And you weren't there on time to protect her, as you had vowed to. It stung, as though an arrow slashed through your heart.
As your hand caressed her cold skin, you cried,
“For once it’s you who’s cold”.
–
[Years before]
She smiled, her cheeks stained in rose. Drunkenly slurring her words. Too much booze, you had warned her. Though she had no care in the world, “Oh come” she'd giggle.
And reluctantly you'd agree. You'd never say no to her and she knew that.
Like a loyal dog.
Her hands held yours. Her head tilted to the side, frowning.
“You're always so cold, you know?”
“ Is that so?” You hummed, watching her fingers intertwined with yours.
“Mhm I'll be your warmth, I'll be the one to hold you in the cold. Got it?” she looked up at you. Eyes glowing.
“Of course” you mumbled. Flustered by her show of devotion, her love.
—
Your tears burned your skin, as you wiped them away. All those memories, the time you spent with her, seemed like they were seconds. As if they never existed, like a fantasy you made up. In hopes that it could fill a hole in your heart.
Though this was real.
She loved you and you loved her.
You gave her your world.
She was your star,
Your purpose, but hers was saving her people and winning this war and she died for it.
“I’ll finish this” You'd gasped.
You'd end this war, a war that has killed many from both sides.
You stood up, your body having a slight tremble, nothing would stop you. Not even death. There is nothing left. Not even the world would keep you from reaching her and finishing what she wanted to finish.
What she gave up her life for.
Nothing.
You stood there like a statue, cemented to the ground. Your eyes reddened, checks stained in tears. Blood soaked your hands. Her blood seeping through your clothes. Your hand gripped her sword.
There was no longer any noise, a silence, deathly. As though, there was no war. Just a sky, gray, amid a storm. The wind blew, screaming in agony. As though Boreas was enraged.
Though the war continued, people fought but you could no longer see it. Mind clouded, no longer aware of your surroundings. All that coated your limbs, seeped into your skin, and was engraved in your bones was finishing this war and murdering whoever tried to interfere.
__________________________________
The sky was no longer gray, as though it was delighted by the victory of her soldiers. Her people won this war and you made sure of it. Your skin is now tinted in crimson. Aching bones as you dropped her sword. Your hand clutched your side. Breathing heavily through clenched teeth. You had gotten injured. A deadly wound. Your body falls onto the ground, spine resting, against a hill. You watched the sky, the stench of fresh gore in the air. The ground, now a tint of red, glistened under the sunlight.
Your gaze followed a walking soldier, as he held a corpse, a red piece of cloth covered her body. You watched as they took her home.
Your eyes slowly closed, blurry. You felt numb, the pain no longer there. As you slowly fall into a trance. Your breaths are no longer as harsh.
You saw a figure, just a few feet away, watching you. As though it was waiting for you. Waiting for you to close your eyes and take your last breath. You all but hoped it was her, just a few feet away. Smiling, warmly. Waiting for you, so you both can walk to the afterlife together.
And as you drew your last breath, your lips parted and then slipped your last words,
“ Wherever you go, I'll follow.”