Chapter Text
“Do I have to give one of these to a family member?”
“It doesn’t have to be a family member. It can be anyone who knew you as a child.”
Lucas sighs out harshly through his nose, curling his lips in at the same time. Part of the diagnosis process for ADHD included collecting information from “people who knew him well” in different settings. Choosing someone from work was easy. He knew right away he’d ask Dr. Marsh. Marsh was the one who suggested he get evaluated in the first place. Choosing someone he lived with was… okay. He’d already told both of his roommates that he thought he had ADHD, so at least it wouldn’t be a surprise. But asking someone in his family? That would mean telling someone in his family. What if they thought he was lying? Or told him it was all in his head and that he just needed to try harder?
Lucas was pulled out of his spiraling thoughts by a gentle touch on his forearm. He glanced up to find the doctor looking at him. She withdrew her hand, but stayed leaning forward, trying to capture his gaze.
“This isn’t meant to be a punishment. I know discussing a possible ADHD diagnosis can be hard. There’s a lot of stigma out there. But, these consults are important to get a clear picture of your symptoms. There may be things others notice that you don’t notice about yourself. One of the criteria for an ADHD diagnosis is that symptoms appear before age 12. The best way to demonstrate the onset of symptoms is to talk to people who knew you as a child.”
Lucas gets that. But there has to be another option.
“What about people without families? Like adults who were foster kids or orphans?” Lucas asks, a hint of desperation in his voice.
“There are rare exceptions made for individuals who are unable to contact anyone who knew them as a child. In those cases, the diagnostician must explain why they were unable to consult anyone. Is there something else with your family you haven’t told me? Are you afraid talking to a family member could put you at risk of harm?”
Lucas swallows, shaking his head. “No. It’s not like they’d hit me or something.” Lucas' mind jumps to mandated reporter laws. “Just to be clear, no one in my family has ever hit me. Like, no adult. Sometimes with my cousins, we would roughhouse a bit and…”
“That’s alright. You don’t need to explain.” The Doctor still has a serious expression on her face, but her eyes are twinkling. It hits Lucas, he just got distracted and jumped off onto a tangent. In the midst of his ADHD evaluation. He’s got to be right. He does have ADHD, doesn’t he? How could this all be in his head?
“Here are the forms. At the bottom is a portion where the person filling out the form consents to have a phone consultation with me. You can return them by fax, mail, or using the client portal.”
The doctor stands up, clearly indicating it’s time to go.
“It was nice to meet you today Lucas,” she says, holding out her hand for a handshake.
“Oh, yeah. Uh, nice to meet you too.” Lucas shakes her hand before gathering the papers to stuff into his backpack. He needs to text Yasuda for a ride.
—-
“Hey! How’d the appointment go?” Yasuda asks as Lucas climbs into the passenger seat of the van. Lucas doesn’t respond. He buckles his seatbelt and reaches a hand up to his mouth, chewing on his cuticles.
“Hello?” Yasuda tries again as she starts to pull out of the parking lot. “Earth to Lucas?” Frustrated, she resorts to hitting him on the arm.
Lucas flinches back, but he doesn’t say “ouch.” He just looks up at her, his brows furrowed with worry. “Huh, what is it?”
“You get in the car without even a ‘thank you’ for me chauffeuring you on one of my very few days off. The least you could do is respond when I ask you a question.”
“I, I’m sorry. Just got a lot on my mind. What’d you ask?”
“I asked how your appointment went. By your generally crappy attitude, I’d guess, bad?”
Lucas stares out the window. It’s midday, but with the clouds and the rain, it’s dark enough that most of the cars have their headlights on, and the stoplights are reflecting in the puddles on the road. Was it bad? Lucas doesn’t know how he feels about it. His stomach hurts. He should probably eat lunch when he gets back, but the thought of food makes him feel nauseous.
“It was fine, I guess. Mostly just talking. They tested my hearing. And took a blood draw to check my TSH levels.”
“They think it might be a thyroid condition?”
Lucas shrugs, and then remembers that Mika is driving and probably, hopefully, has her eyes on the road and not on him. “It’s one of the things they check out when evaluating for ADHD. The symptoms are similar.”
“So… did they say? Do you have it? Like, are you ADHD?”
“I don’t know yet. She wants to wait for the tests, the, the consults.”
“Consults?”
“Yeah, she gave me these forms to have people who know me fill out. And she referred me to a psychologist to do some tests. So I have to call them to set up an appointment. Which I am really, really, bad at. Did you know that’s a symptom too? Struggling with tasks that seem boring like paperwork and phone calls and stuff? What if I can’t get diagnosed because I’m too ADHD to even fill out the goddamn paperwork?”
Mika pulls into the driveway of their house, stops the car and gets out. She waits to hear Lucas getting out of the passenger seat, but the sound never comes. She turns around to see him just sitting there. Well, not just sitting there, sitting there and freaking out. She walks over and raps her fingers against the glass. Lucas startles and immediately reaches for the door handle. Mika finds herself leaping out of the way of the door just in time. Lucas moves to walk toward the house, but she steps in front of him, arms on her hips, and waits for him to look up at her.
“Are you sure that you’re okay?”
Lucas fiddles with his backpack straps, snapping the chest buckle and then unbuckling it.
“Come on, give me the truth, Skywalker.”
Lucas shakes his head. No, he is not okay.
—------
Mika is not surprised when Lucas immediately hurries off to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. She hears muffled sounds, and in her head, she pictures him tossing his backpack to the side and flopping down onto the bed, just like her younger brother Kaito would when he was rejected by a girl or flunked a test in school.
Unlike Kaito, Lucas is a grown-ass adult and not her responsibility. Technically, Kaito is also an adult now, but she still pictures him as the gangly teen he was when she left home. Mika sets about cooking herself lunch, determined to enjoy her day off by making one of her favorite meals, okonomiyaki, or, as her youngest sister says, “Japanese pancakes.” Her mind drifts back to Adams as she gets into the rhythm of whisking eggs, measuring out the flour, and chopping veggies. He’s not her responsibility. But she keeps returning to the image of his curls flopping onto his forehead as he shook his head, indicating that no, he was not okay. She adds a couple more eggs to the batter so she’ll have enough okonomiyaki to share with him for lunch.
When the last pancake is frying, Mika goes to get Lucas. Punk music spills out into the hallway, even with his door closed. She knocks, mostly out of habit since she’s 95% sure he won’t hear it, and then opens the door. Just as she suspected he’s lying on his stomach on his bed, shoes still on, playing some game on his phone. She turns off the speaker on his nightstand to get his attention.
“Lunch is ready.”
“Not hungry,” Lucas replies. His eyes don’t leave the game.
Well, if Lucas wants to act like one of her younger siblings, she’s happy to treat him like one. Deftly, she reaches across the bed and plucks his phone from his hands.
“Hey!” Lucas shouts. “Give that back!” Lucas reaches for his phone but she tosses it to her other hand, and steps out of his reach.
“You can have it back. After you eat lunch.”
Lucas is standing now, out of bed, and following her down the hall and down the stairs.
“I don’t need lunch,” he grumbles.
“Since I happen to know you skipped breakfast, you probably do.”
Lucas pulls out a stool in the kitchen, flopping his head down onto his arms. “You sound just like my mom.”
“A world-class surgeon? Why thank you!” Mika says as she pulls the tray of okonomiyaki out of the oven, where she was keeping them warm, and flips the final pancake onto the top of the stack.
Lucas picks his head up, craning his neck to see what Mika’s made.
“Actually, she’s an OBGYN.”
Mika slides a plate with a large pancake and a fork across the counter to Lucas.
“Well, since she’s a Shepherd, a world-class OBGYN, then.”
Lucas doesn’t answer, too busy chewing his food.
“This is delicious. What is it?”
Now he’s sounding more like himself, Mika reflects as she pulls up a stool beside him. Damn, she is good at this caretaking thing.
“It’s called okonomiyaki. They’re like savory Japanese pancakes.”
For the next few minutes, the only sounds are their forks scraping the plates and chewing.
“Hey, uh, thanks,” Lucas says as he reaches for a second pancake. “You know, for taking me this morning. And cooking lunch. And making me actually eat lunch.”
“You're welcome. And you owe me,” Mika replies with a mischievous grin.
Lucas eats his second okonomiyaki slower, leaving time for him to actually speak between bites.
“You think you could maybe do me another favor?” he asks shyly, waiting to take his next bite until she answers.
“Depends on what it is,” Mika responds pragmatically.
“I’m supposed to have someone I live with fill out one of the consult worksheets. About like, ADHD symptoms they might have noticed.”
“Can’t you have Simone do it? You know, share the love a little?”
A pained look crosses Lucas’ face.
“What, have you not told her about the ADHD thing?”
“No, I did. Tell her, I mean.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Simone’s… amazing. And it seems like she might give me a shot. Giving her this list of ADHD symptoms… it would be like handing her a list of reasons why she shouldn’t date me.”
“You don’t think Simone’s noticed how you run late all the time and forget to take out the trash?” Mika asks, her voice laced with sarcasm.
“I just don’t want to give her a reason to be reflecting on all the ways I’m an annoying roommate and dysfunctional adult.”
Mika chews, mulling this information over. The last thing she wants to do as a surgical intern is volunteer for extra paperwork on her day off. But she is Team Skywalker.
“Exactly how long is this worksheet?”
“Uh, I’ll be right back.” Just like that, Lucas is thundering up the stairs to grab the paperwork, a bite of pancake abandoned on his fork. He returns 30 seconds later, breathless, and plops a single page down on the counter between them. Mika picks it up, looking it over. One page, double sided, a combination of a checklist with blank lines to right down examples.
“Okay, I’ll do it.” The extra effort feels worth it as soon as she watches the relief spread across Lucas’ face.
“Thank you. And when you’re done, you can give it back to me, and I can fax it to the doctor, and then she’ll call you if she has any questions.”
“You want me to fill it out, and then give it back to you, so you can lose it three times, find it a week later, and then forget to fax it for another week?”
Lucas blushes.
“When I say I’ll do something, I do it all the way. Let me fax it.”
Lucas nods, finding the bit of pancake left on his fork and eating it.
“Don’t worry,” Mika adds as she stands up, clearing her plate. “I’ve got your back.” She tosses Lucas his phone, chuckling as he frantically tries to catch it before it lands in food on his plate.