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Poe hadn’t slept through the night since the day he had been captured by First Order. He wasn’t sure if it was the experience that kept him awake, the feeling of having someone else prying into your thoughts or his own failure.
He shifted quietly in his bed in an attempt to find comfort. The last thing he wanted was to wake Finn up in the bed across the room.
Every position was uncomfortable. He continued to quietly toss around before finally settling for sleeping on his back.
Poe tried to clear his mind of any thoughts while closing his eyes. He had to attempt at least some sleep before his next upcoming mission. Eventually, the lack of sleep was going to affect his flying. That’s the last thing he needed.
Everything went dark. And cold.
He heard screaming.
Poe ran towards the source but found nothing. There was nothing to see in the intense dark. It seemed that with every step the screaming intensified. He ran through the darkness until his lungs burned with every breath. He sprinted harder as he thought he saw figures in the distance. Every muscle in his body ached as he pushed through the pain.
It didn’t matter how close he was to them; it was still too dark to make out the figures.
“What a disappointment.”
“Mom?” Poe felt his legs go weak. He quickly crumbled to the hard ground under him. It had been so many years since he heard her voice.
“You betrayed the cause I died for.”
Poe preferred the screaming. His entire body felt heavy as the words hit him. It was as if they physically weighing him down.
He opened his mouth to defend himself. He wanted to explain he didn’t mean to betray them. The words wouldn’t leave. He tried harder and harder to get the words out. The more he struggled the tighter his throat constricted.
“I should have let you die. Why did I risk my life for you?”
Poe’s stomach twisted. He had never heard Finn’s voice sound so hollow. He imagined this is what he must have sounded like when he was still just FN-2187. When he was just another cog in the machine.
“You put Rey into danger! Solo would still be with us if you hadn’t gotten us in this mess,” Finn screamed. “You don’t deserve to live.”
There was a electic familiar hum r and Poe could suddenly see Finn’s features illuminated by the soft blue of the lightsaber. The constant joy on Finn’s face had been replaced with anger. There was no light behind his eyes. They were cold and unforgiving. He took a step towards Poe swinging the lightsaber towards him.
Poe screamed as loudly as he could, and only stopped when he felt himself being shaken awake.
He opened his eyes and gasped for breath. He took several shallow breaths because it hurt too much to breathe deeply. Everything hurt. He could feel his muscles burning.
As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he noticed how badly he was shaking. His arms were trembling as he brought them to his face. He cringed feeling the sweat on his face.
“Poe?”
He swallowed and shut his eyes. He didn’t want to look at Finn. He was afraid he’d see the same anger in his eyes. That he’d finally realize that he wasn’t worth the effort.
“I’m…I’m so s-s-sorry I woke you up,” Poe said quietly. He tried to keep his as steady as possible, but it came out shaky and weak.
“Are you okay?”
Poe quickly looked at Finn. “I’m fine.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” Finn said with a smile.
Poe felt his chest constrict at the comment. He thought of all the lives lost because of his inability to lie. He tried to breath but found it difficult. The entire room felt as if it was closing in on him. “I know.”
He felt his throat closing and his eyes starting to water.
“It means you’re honest.”
Poe felt Finn sitting down next to him. Normally, he craved Finn within close proximity but now he felt uncomfortable. His entire body tensed.
“I’m too honest. I’m the reason Kylo Ren even found out about . I put you and Rey into danger. If I didn’t tell him maybe Han woud still...,” Poe felt his voice trail. He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence.
“You didn’t fail. None of this was your fault.”
“You really should just go,” Poe said. He was shocked at how strong his voice sounded there.
There were so many thoughts in his head that he was confused on what to think. He wanted to believe that it wasn’t his fault. The more he thought about it the more upset he became. Poe hung his head in his hands to cover his face as tears started to fall.
Poe felt Finn’s weight shift next to him and assumed that he was leaving. Instead, Poe felt Finn get closer to him. Finn wrapped his arms around Poe and held him tightly. This was the safest he had felt in weeks. Poe felt his breathing start to relax as he rested his head against Finn’s chest.
“I’m not going anywhere. I know how the First Order can fuck with you. You’re stronger than they are,” Finn said quietly. He ran his hand through Poe’s hair softly while placing a kiss on his forehead.
“I love you,” Poe said. He had always imagined telling Finn this in a grander way. He wanted it to match the way they met in terms of romantic storytelling, but this moment was their perfect. It was quiet and vulnerable and only theirs.
“I know,” Finn responded.
Poe looked up and kissed Finn gently on the lips before wrapping his arms around him as they both lay down. He rested his head against Finn’s chest, and for the first time was able to sleep through the night. It was the first time of many that Poe fell asleep in Finn’s arms.