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I do not own any of these characters- they were created by the incredible Alice Oseman who is our Queen! I apologize for any grammar errors- I do have a learning disability that makes it hard for me to remember more than the most basic grammar rules. I really hope you love the story I am creating for you! This is based ONLY on the TV series.
Jealousy, Jealousy
Heartstopper AU Fanfiction
In his entire life, Nick had never felt jealous.
Not once in his 16 years had he felt the flames of it lick at his soul. He'd never felt it with girls he liked, never felt it when other rugby players were better then him. He didn't have a jealous bone in his body. He wasn't sure he knew how to be jealous.
Not until he’d fallen for the raven-haired beauty that was currently dancing with another boy on the trip.
He still remembered the day it happened, the day his entire world was rocked.
He’d seen him around school, seen him running during PE, seen him sitting across him in form and had felt a pull to him. Yet he’d resisted it. He didn’t understand it.
Then he’d seen Ben Hope kissing him. It had been just over a week into term and Nick was getting a book from the library, a book that he knew people would make fun of him for so he’d snuck into the library, and he’d seen it. Ben kissing the boy he hadn’t been able to stop staring at since Term started.
He’d been filled with the sudden desire to rip off Ben’s face and arms and just burn his body for a little extra. How dare he fucking touch his… okay, that beautiful boy wasn’t his but Nick wanted him to be. He wanted to be the one kissing him. He wanted to be the one touching him, running his hands through his hair and down his body. He wanted to know what he felt like under his school uniform. He wanted to know what it felt like to have his hands on his bare skin.
And that terrified him.
For Nick, it was double terror. The fact that he suddenly wanted a boy in ways he’d only thought about girls, and because he was so jealous that for a moment he was tempted to murder someone in his friend group even if he didn't really like him.
What the fuck was wrong with him?
Oh, Nick had figured it out eventually with some help from Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly, then with Oded Fehr and Rachel Weisz, then with Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss.
He was Bisexual and he wanted Charlie Fucking Spring… who was dancing way too close to James McEwan right now.
Why were they dancing like that anyway? Wasn't James into Charlie’s friend Issac? Wait, James was gay… was he actually into Charlie?
Nick flexed his fist without thinking as he stared holes into James, willing him to combust into flames.
“Nicholas,” Imogen said sitting next to him. “My dear, sweet, Nicholas… people are noticing.”
Imogen was the only one who knew how he felt. The only person who knew his sexuality besides his mum. The only person in the entire world that knew how much he burned for Charlie.
“Noticing what?” he practically growled.
“That you’re watching two boys dancing and appear to be pissed off. If you’re not careful, people will think you’re homophobic.”
“But I’m not,” Nick seethed.
“I know that and Tara and Darcy know it, but no one else does so…”
“I thought he was into Isaac. Why is he touching Charlie?” Nick demanded, not realizing that Darcy was eavesdropping on the conversation and smirking.
“Maybe because you didn’t ask him to dance and he wants to have fun,” Imogen suggested innocently. “Just go over and tell him you want to do unholy things to him and see what he says.”
“Imogen!”
She giggled. “Your fault for telling me about that dream you had when you had the sleepover few weeks ago.”
"You gave me shots, it didn't count," Nick said. He stared some more, feeling his rage build. “I need air,” Nick said, suddenly getting up and going out to the balcony, unable to watch anymore of James trying to dance closer to Charlie (If he’d been paying attention he would have noticed that James looked upset, but Nick couldn’t really see that beyond his own feelings at the moment).
He’d thought Paris would be the perfect time to get Charlie alone, to convince him to kiss him or date him or something. Instead, his stupid friend Tao had blocked him at every fucking opportunity. Honestly, if he hadn’t seen Tao making out with his girlfriend, he would have thought Tao was into Charlie with the way he kept cockblocking him. He’d even told Nick to stay away from Charlie.
Nick didn’t like confrontation, he never had. He had a hard time standing up to people unless he was on the pitch and he knew it, but the rage he felt when other people looked at Charlie with interest made his blood boil to the point where he didn’t fucking care what Tao Fucking Xu said. Charlie was his!
For a moment, Nick closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. God! He shouldn’t be feeling so possessive. Charlie wasn’t his boyfriend, no matter how much he wanted him to be. The thing was that Nick was sure Charlie was into him. He’d caught his eyes one too many times staring at him in form, he saw the way Charlie’s breath caught when he was near, Charlie had even come to a couple of games, though Nick was sure he was the only one who noticed it.
Charlie was into him, at least a little bit. He had to be. It couldn’t be his imagination, right?
He drew a slow, deep, slightly calming breath. He had to find a way to talk to Charlie before the night was over. Maybe even kiss him. God, it would be so much easier if they’d just been roomed together, but Ben had conveniently broken his nose after being a bit too rough with Imogen just before the trip which meant he couldn’t go and because Nick hadn’t found someone to room with (he might have hoped he would get stuck with Charlie on purpose), Nick had been put in the same room as Harry, Elmo, and Darren.
The pricks.
God, he hated them. He couldn’t believe he’d ever been friends with them.
His mind wandered back to Charlie. He wished it was him dancing wish Charlie, him sliding his fingertips along his hips, up his back. Leaning down to kiss him and not caring that people might be watching him. Digging his fingers into his back… walking him back to his hotel room…
He had to bite back a groan when he realized his imagination was starting to run away with him. What the fuck would he even do in a hotel room with Charlie? He didn’t have any experience beyond kissing. Of course, he also wasn’t ready for that either.
That didn’t mean he hadn’t been thinking about it though. He’d never understood why David had talked about sex so much until Nick fell for Charlie, because while he wasn’t mentally ready for it, his imagination wouldn’t stop playing with different images in his mind… all involving Charlie.
Would that scare Charlie? Would he think Nick was obsessive?
Nick was being a tad obsessive, he knew it. He stalked Charlie’s Instagram constantly. He’d friended every single person at school just so that Charlie wouldn’t realize that Nick was following him just for him. He knew his favorite foods. He knew the books he liked. He knew how good of a drummer he was because he’d seen him at the school orchestra (which he went to only to support Tara and Darcy, of course). He knew that Charlie got a little furrow in his brow when he was concentrating and that when he was truly happy his smile lit up his entire face. He knew that Charlie hid in the art room and hated roses but loved Carnations and maybe a secret admirer had been sending Charlie carnations at least once a week for over a month in his favorite color that was yellow and maybe another batch had been delivered to Charlie’s room the morning after he fainted in the Louvre (which really freaked Nick out, thank GOD Tara, Darcy, and Sahar had banded together and caught him before he got hurt).
He even knew where Charlie lived, though that had been a complete accident because he’d been walking Nellie home and saw Charlie going inside with his family. Really, it was an accident. He wasn’t a stalker!
He knew Charlie loved horror and hated Marvel, was a huge stan of some tool named Henry Maddox (the fact that he was hot and had the voice of black velvet and made Nick almost as weak in the knees as Charlie meant nothing!), and liked The Ark, a pretty cool boy band.
But he still hadn’t gotten the courage to actually talk to him.
Nick almost whimpered. How was he ever going to talk to him? He was so smart and cool and hot… why would he want to be with someone like him? Charlie was so far out of his league that Nick might as well be aiming for the moon.
“You okay?”
Nick turned to the voice and stared at Charlie Spring, who was coming out onto the balcony. Why was he here?
“Darcy said you looked overwhelmed and I should check on you,” Charlie explained, seeming to have read Nick’s mind.
“I… I-I-I’m fine,” Nick finally managed to say. God, Charlie was going to think he was an idiot! “Sometimes parties get a little… much.”
“I get that,” Charlie said. “Budge up, let me sit too.” Nick smiled and moved closer to the railing, making room for Charlie. “Sometimes I get overwhelmed with parties too.”
“You looked like you were having fun,” Nick muttered a little sullenly. “You and James couldn’t keep your hands off each other.”
Charlie laughed. “Oh my god… you sound like jealous boyfriend right now, do you realize that?” When Nicked looked at him he blushed. “Not that I’m saying you would have one or anything just…”
“Why couldn’t I have a boyfriend?” Nick demanded. “What, you think boys wouldn’t like me?” What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he trying to pick a fight with Charlie when all he wanted to do was grab him and make out with him until they were both gasping. Maybe even leave a hickey or two so James would know that Charlie was his.
“You kind of need to be gay to have a boyfriend, Nick,” Charlie snapped, his brow furrowing in a frown.
“Wow, thanks for the fucking bi-erasure,” Nick snapped, looking away from him. For some reason Charlie’s words hurt his feelings, tears pricked at his eyes. Had he been wrong? Was Charlie not attracted to him? God, was he one of those guys that wouldn’t date someone who was bi?
“What the…” Charlie’s angry voice trailed off but Nick still didn’t look at him. He couldn’t deal with him looking at him in disgust or something. It would be too much. He’d seen peoples reactions to the word ‘Bi’ already even though he wasn’t out. Then he felt a soft hand sliding over his up arms. “Nick…” Charlie murmured, his voice now pillowy soft which made Nick’s pulse race.
“Is James your boyfriend then? I thought he was into Isaac.”
Charlie chuckled a little, but Nick was still afraid to look at him. “For someone who’d never talked to me before, you seem to already know a lot about my friends.” When Nick didn’t reply, Charlie, slid his hand down Nick’s arm and to his hand, sliding his hand into his. Nick felt like he was going crazy from the way his skin frizzled and sparked under Charlie’s touch. Did Charlie know what he was doing to him? “James isn’t my boyfriend, he’s completely in love with Isaac but I think Isaac turned him down… that’s why I was dancing with him.”
Finally, Nick looked at Charlie, instantly trapped in Charlie’s eyes. They were neither grey nor blue, some strange beautiful mix of both that drew Nick in ever single time he saw them. His eyes dropped from Charlie’s eyes to his lips. They were closer then they’d ever been to his before. God… it would be so easy to kiss Charlie right then, to lean forward and feel his lips against his own. God, he wanted that so much. He wanted to claim his lips for his own. He never wanted anyone else’s lips to touch Charlies.
“Really?” he asked, feeling a little breathless.
“Really… of course… I do have a secret admirer so…”
“A-and you like this secret admirer?”
“Well, he gets me yellow carnations. I love yellow carnations.”
‘He knows,’ Nick realized. Charlie knew it was him. How, he had no idea, but somehow Charlie knew it was him who’d been sending him flowers. “You’re not creeped out?”
“No, Tao thinks I should be but Isaac, Elle, and I think it’s really romantic… as long as he’s not straight.”
Nick felt like maybe he’d drunk too much, because it felt like Charlie’s arms were around his neck, his fingers playing with the wisps of hair on his nape. Was he imagining this? Was Charlie making the first move? Wait… he hadn’t had any alcohol, so why was he feeling drunk? He slid his hands around Charlie’s waist, bringing him even closer. Their chests were less than an inch apart. “He’s not…” Nick finally whispered.
“Sure about that?” Charlie asked, his eye looking at Nick’s lips.
“Oh… Absolutely,” Nick whispered.
He had no idea who moved first, no idea which if them closed the distance, but somehow Charlie’s lips were against his… and Nick was in heaven. The sweet taste of whatever fruit Charlie had eaten earlier was still on his lips, or maybe that was just how Charlie’s lips always tasted, and had Nick instantly addicted. One hand slid up Charlie’s back, to his neck, his fingers tangling themselves into those soft, black curls that had driven Nick insane for months.
He felt Charlie’s tongue along the seam of his lips and he parted them without a thought, needing to taste more of him. God, why had they waited so long to do this? Charlie felt so right in his arms. He whimpered when Charlie pulled away, probably because he needed some air. “Come back,” Nick whined a little.
Charlie giggled and Nick felt his heart stutter like it did when he heard that sound. That giggle should be illegal, or only for him to hear. “I need to breathe, Nick,” Charlie teased. “So do you.”
“I’m okay with not breathing for awhile,” Nick told him with a soft chuckle.
“Hmmm… Do… Do you wanna come back to my room? Just to talk,” Charlie added when Nick raised an eyebrow but also blushed bright red.
“Only talk?” Nick asked.
Charlie blushed and leaned forward. “Well… Maybe I’ll kiss you again if you’re good.”
‘Fuck my life,’ Nick thought. “Lets go then,” he said outloud, not willing to pass up the chance to be alone with Charlie Spring.
Charlie giggled at him again and slipped back into the room and Nick followed him. Once they were in the hall, and away from everyone’s prying eyes, Charlie held his hand out to Nick. “Well?”
Nick slid his hand into Charlie’s, once again thinking of how right it felt just to have Charlie’s hand against his. He was more than happy to follow Charlie anywhere, even if was back to his bedroom. Honestly, even though he wasn’t ready to do more the kiss, maybe some intense kissing, maybe a little more then lip kissing, he also knew instantly that he would do whatever Charlie wanted.
Oh, he was down so bad for him.
In the room, Nick was shocked, but not unhappy, when the moment then door was closed, Charlie’s lips were on his. If he’d had any doubt that Charlie might like him back, they were definitely gone with the way Charlie had him pressed again against the door and was kissing him. God… he was strong. Nick slid his hands along Charlie’s upper arms and couple stop the moan of pleasure from escape. God, Charlie’s arms were just as toned as his legs. “You feel so good,” he managed to say when they took a few moments to breath.
“So do you,” Charlie murmured. He pulled Nick away from the door towards on of the beds then pushed him onto it. Nick laughed a little then felt his breath leave his body again as Charlie straddled his waist. “I have questions for you, Nick Nelson,” Charlie murmured, kissing his lips softly for a moment then pulling away.
“Yes… whatever you want is yes…” Nick said, not really thinking clearly.
Charlie giggled at that. “God… you really do like me, don’t you?”
Nick huffed out a laugh at that. “Wasn’t that obvious? I mean I wanted to throw James off the balcony just for touching your hips… pretty sure I like you. Do you like me?”
“Yes, obviously,” Charlie laughed.
“Then kiss me,” Nick whined a little. He knew he was whining, but Charlie Spring was in his fucking lap and he’d already gotten a taste of those lips and that tongue and he wanted more.
Charlie complied, kissing Nick in a way that was driving him even more crazy then on the balcony. Nick rolled them over, needing to feel Charlie beneath him, needing to feel his entire body pressed again his. His hands were wandering, so were Charlies, but Charlie stopped him eventually, breaking their kiss. “Nothing below the waist, Nick. I’m not ready for that.”
Nick nodded. “I’m not either,” he admitted. “I mean… I’ve thought about it, like, a lot. Especially when I started liking you but… I’m just not ready to do it yet.”
“So we’re on the same page.” Charlie smiled at that. “I like that.”
“I want you to be my boyfriend,” Nick said, unable to stop himself. “I-I want to be your boyfriend.”
“Really? How long have you wanted that, Nick?”
“Months,” Nick admitted. “Ever since I saw you with…” he stopped himself. He never even told Imogen about seeing Charlie with Ben.
“With who?” Charlie asked, a soft frown on his face.
Nick sighed. “Ben Hope,” he whispered. “It was back in January. I was in the library to sneak a book and saw you two. That was when I realized I liked you,” he admitted. “It was the first time I felt jealous too,” he admitted.
“You got jealous?” Charlie smiled at that. “What did you want to do to him?”
“Charlie…”
“What, it’s a turn on. I mean, as long as it doesn’t go too far. Like… Ben didn’t like me hanging out with my friends, things like that.”
“I don’t care about that. Everyone needs friends,” Nick said. “God, he was such a fucking smug bastard, I hated seeing his hands on you.”
“Like James’ hands?”
“You’re teasing me,” Nick laughed.
“A little,” Charlie admitted. “I’ve been jealous too.”
Nick blinked. “Of who? I’m fairly certain no other guys or girls have been touching me.”
“Yeah, but they flirt with you. Plus, you may not have realized it but the captain for the Astor team was definitely flirting with you… and you were flirting back.”
Nick laughed at that. “I did not!”
“You did. ‘Oh, well you did really great making that tackle’,” Charlie said, mimicking Nick’s voice. “And I know you were checking out his legs.”
“You are a menace and that’s not true because the only legs I’ve been checking out lately are yours… which looked delicious tonight.”
Charlie blushed at that. “Just… I get being a little jealous.”
“So…boyfriend?”
“I think a date is required first,” Charlie teased.
“Char…” Nick moaned.
“Char?”
Nick froze, then flushed a deep shade of red. “Um… that just slipped out.”
“Say it again.”
“No!”
“Go on, say it.”
“Absolutely not.”
“I like it,” Charlie said, biting his lower softly. “It’s cute.”
“Well, now I’m never calling you it again.”
“You know you should be nicer to your boyfriend, Nick.”
Nick captured Charlie’s lips against his own, trying not to show just how affected he was by Charlie saying boyfriend. Nick had been dreaming of that for months. He slid his lips to Charlie’s neck and smiled when Charlie gasped softly. “Is this okay, my boyfriend?”
Charlie’s voice was almost a whimper when he answered. “God yes.”
~
Nick spent the entire night in Charlie’s bed. Tao and Isaac never came back eventually texting Charlie that they were staying in the girls room that night. Nick felt like he’d died and gone to heaven, he and Charlie were alternating between talking and actually getting to know each other and kissing and exploring each other’s bodies… within reason.
In the early light of the morning, Nick realized that he’d left three different hickeys on Charlie, two of which would definitely be visible. He looked at his own, shirtless body but couldn’t tell if he had any that were visible, though it wouldn’t surprise him with the way he and Charlie were all through the night. Honestly, if they hadn’t both been clear with that boundary of ‘No sex no matter what’ he wondered if they would have. The thought both thrilled and terrified him.
‘Someday,’ he thought. Definitely someday.
He brushed his lips against Charlie’s cheek. “Char, wake up,” he whispered.
“Nooooo,” Charlie whined sleepily and Nick giggled. He actually giggled because Charlie was just so fucking adorable with his bedhead curls and his limbs all tangled up in in Nicks.
“Boyfriend,” Nick whispered against Charlie’s ear, he noticed his eyes fly open at that. “Did you forget?” Nick asked, his face amused at Charlie’s shock.
“Truthfully, I thought it was another dream,” Drum admitted softly. Then he blushed and pressed a finger to Nick’s collarbone. “Um… I think I marked you,” he managed to say, blushing brightly.
“Just one? Then I win because you have three, my beautiful Char,” Nick murmured as he kissed Charlie again.
Charlie giggled. “I could always even that out,” he teased then seemed to freeze. “Wait, you’re not out, what is someone notices…”
“I don’t care,” Nick said honestly. “I really don’t. I mean… if anyone asked me if I was Bi I’d say yes, but it’s just never come up.”
“Well, you also only figured out that a few months ago.”
“Well, you’re too beautiful not to fall for,” Nick said kissing Charlie again. He knew he should be getting up and getting back to his room to pack since they were going home but the pull to kiss Charlie was too strong. He needed to be in the same bed as him for as long as possible.
Charlie soon flipped them and was now practically on top of Nick and Nick was loving it. Every way he kissed Charlie was perfect and right. However, he was so lost in their kiss that he didn’t hear the door open.
“What the hell?”
Charlie sat up like a bullet and Nick whined softly at the loss of contact as he sat up too, staring at Charlie’s friend Tao. The look of shock on his face made Nick feel just the slightest bit smug considering he’d kept trying to keep them apart all week when Nick had been trying to get Charlie’s attention, but he was also bright red at the fact that he’d been found in bed with someone and was half naked.
“Oh, so one of you finally took the initiative?” Charlie’s other friend Isaac asked before walking over to the other bed and grabbing his suitcase. “I was starting to think you two would crush on each other forever.”
“You knew?” Tao asked as Charlie giggled softly and looked at Nick who grinned back.
“Tao, I think you, Nick, and Charlie were the only ones who didn’t,” Isaac said. “He’s been trying to get with Charlie alone all week.”
“Really?” Charlie asked. “I didn’t realize that.”
“Yeah, Tao told me to stay away from you,” Nick said, leaning forward and kissing Charlie, unable to stop himself.
“It looks like he mauled you,” Tao said a little grumpily, though he didn’t look angry anymore. “So what are you then, Rugby Lad?”
“Bisexual,” Nick said easily. He’d been honest when he told Charlie that he didn’t care if people knew.
“Okay Bi Boy, get back to your room and pack,” Tao said, a slight smile twitching his lips. “And put a shirt on. Not all of us need to see that,” Tao added.
Charlie leaned over and kissed Nick’s cheek. “He likes you.”
Nick raised a doubtful eyebrow at him. “Really?”
“Yeah… he does.”
Twenty minutes later he as back in his room with a stupid smile on his face that he really couldn’t hide. Charlie had walked him to the door and Nick might have pulled him out of the room to make out int the hall for 10 minutes before Mr. Farouk found them and said they both needed to pack. Nick stole one more kiss before finally going back to his room.
He saw Harry, Elmo, and Darren in stages of waking up and packing, but he didn’t say anything to them as he grabbed his bag and shoved his things into it, still smiling.
“Oi, Nick, who gave you that hickey,” Harry laughed, finally noticing it. It was half hidden but not completely by the fabric. “That why you didn’t come home last night?”
“What I did is none of your business,” Nick said, refusing to let Harry’s comments sour his mood. They had a long trip home and he intended to be ready to spend every second of it with Charlie, not Harry and his idiots.
“Oh come,” Elmo said. “At least tell us if she was good.” Harry laughed at that and elbowed Elmo in approval.
Nick smiled at them as he picked up his backpack and suitcase. “You’re just going to assume they’re a she?” he asked, enjoying the way all three of their jaws dropped. Then he turned and walked out. Not caring at all what they would say.
He waited for Charlie in the lobby and smiled when he came down the stairs. Nick met himnand stared at his lips for just a moment too long. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
Once again, Nick was staring except this time he didn’t even pretend to try to hide it because he didn’t care if anyone saw them.
It was Charlie who finally broke them out of their trance. “We better get to the coach,” he said softly.
At the coach Nick took the bags. “Go find us some seats,” he told him. “I’m just gonna help the girls to,” he saw, seeing Imogen and Charlie’s girl friends walking up, including Tara.
“Okay,” Charlie said, his hand brushing nicks for a moment before he got onto the coach.
Nick helped all five girls get their bags on, then got roped into helping Tao and Isaac as well. When he finished and got on the coach, his eyes nearly bugged out when he saw Henry Swan sitting next to Charlie. Charlie didn’t look overly comfortable, and Nick was sure he was trying to gently encourage him to leave but Henry didn’t seem to be taking the hint.
He’d almost reached them when he saw Henry reach out to take Charlie’s hand and once again, when he saw someone touching his man, Nick felt the urge to rip Henry from the seat and throw him from the coach. Especially now that Charlie was his boyfriend, he didn’t want anyone trying to touch him like that.
“Henry.” Henry looked up at Nick in confusion. Nick decided to try to be nice. “You’re in my seat.”
“Oh, Um, well I was hoping to talk to Charlie and—”
“You’re. In. My. Seat.” Nick said, his voice lowing just a bit. God, he was trying not to be possessive but seriously, Charlie was his boyfriend. ‘Find your own boyfriend, Henry,’ he thought.
“Nick and I are riding back together, Henry,” Charlie said a little more calmly. “I did try to tell you.”
Henry frowned and looked at Nick, then Charlie, then Nick… and it finally clicked. “Oh… Oh, right. Sorry. I’ll go sit with my friends,” he said getting up.
“Good idea,” Nick said, taking the seat as soon as Henry cleared it, then took Charlie’s hand in his hand, making it doubly clear to Henry Swan that Charlie was not available.
“You’re very silly Nick.”
“He was hitting on you,” Nick said a little sullenly but he was smiling at Charlie.
“I know that,” Charlie laughed. “I was about to tell him off when you arrived.”
“Well… we agreed right? I’m yours and your mine?”
“True,” Charlie said. “You won’t be like that with my friends though, right?”
“Of course not,” Nick promised. “I’m not usually a jealous person,” he whispered.
“I believe you.”
Nick smiled and cupped Charlies face with both of his hands before drawing him into a slow, loving kiss. “I’ll let you handle it next time,” he murmured.
“Right now I don’t even care,” Charlie admitted. “Just kiss me again.”
Nick chuckled and nodded. “Forever, Char,” he murmured as he pulled Charlie into his arms, not caring that many of their schoolmates were whispering, not caring that Harry had frozen when he saw him, not caring about anything except his beautiful boyfriends lips against his.