Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The waxing moon in the starry night sky above was the only company Tohru had around her lonely little campfire. And, more than likely, It would be only friend for the foreseeable future.

As she settled into the little nook of the pile of rocks she found in the middle of the deserted wasteland, she stared into the fire apathetically. The night breeze was cold and her source of clothing was the shabby rag of a cloak she wrapped around her body. Not that it mattered – Dragons weren’t as susceptible to cold and heat like humans were. Still, tonight seemed strangely nippy by comparison. Another thing that stood out was her dinner – if you could even call it that. She had intended to only purchase one potato and ended up buying two; both of which were roasting over the fire. But perhaps the worst part was the silence. It was just…too quiet. It was unnerving that it made her skin (scales?) crawl.

Tohru let an unamused chuckle.

“Come on, I can’t be that pathetic…,” she murmured, slapping her cheeks. “It’s only been a day. I need to get a grip…. I guess it has been a while since I’ve been out on my own like this. I’ve gotten so used to…her being around, that I forgot what it’s like to be on my own. I even wasted what precious few coins I had on buy a second potato. Listen to myself. Me, a powerful dragon, actually paying for my own food?  That stupid glutton really has influenced me in the worst possible way….”

She craned her head back, looking up at the pale moon.

“I wonder if she’s all right…. I mean, obviously she is. That glutton is almost as powerful as I am. She’ll be just fine. Though I wonder what’s gonna happen with her now that the city and her worshippers are gone…. Well, no point in thinking about it now. What’s done is done. Better get used to living on my own again….”

She reached out for the fire when she noticed…there was only one skewered potato roasting. The Chaos Dragon blinked cluelessly when she heard a loud chewing noise coming from her left. The thing was…she recognized that slovenly sound anywhere. Tohru was both surprised and not surprised when she turned around slowly and found her (old) traveling companion noisily devouring her roast potato with sparkles in her eyes.

“YUMMY!” Elma squealed.

“Eh…,” Tohru muttered dimwittedly with a bewildered expression. Then she screamed, “ELMA? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? ARE YOU STALKING ME?”

“W-What?” Elma sputtered, snapping out of her food-induced trance. She waved her arm widely while still eating her potato. “No-no-no-no-no-no! I wasn’t stalking you! I was just following you from a place where you couldn’t see me and watching your every move!”

“THAT’S STALKING!” Tohru howled, making Elma fall backwards in shock. Tohru pinched the bridge of her nose, forcing herself to calm down before she blew a blood vessel. “Why are you stalking me? I thought we were done.”

“No, you decided we were done,” said Elma, sitting back up and glaring at her old friend. “You still haven’t explained yourself. How could you have gone on a rampage like that after everything we’ve been through.”

“I said everything I needed to say back at the city,” Tohru scoffed. “It’s not my fault you’re too stupid to get it.”

“You don’t have to keep insulting me like that!” Elma huffed.

“Stupid is stupid – what more do you want me to say?” snapped Tohru.

“Tell me the real reason why you blew up like that!” Elma demanded. “I deserve to know!”

“I don’t have to say anything!” spat Tohru.

“Gods above, why are you always so stubborn?” groaned Elma…who proceeded to pick up and eat the second potato. “This has always been your problem: you’ve never been considerate to other people. Honestly, I thought I taught you better.”

Okay, Tohru was pissed now.

Anyone standing in a far distance would be startled by a suddenly explosion in the middle of the wasteland as a giant mushroom cloud wafted into the sky.

Elma spiraled through the air before catching herself, brushing her reddened cheek where Tohru had punched her with grimace. Her old traveling companion shot out of the dust towards her like an arrow, swinging her fist around. Elma crossed her arms in time to block the blow, but the impact still shot her back down to the ground. Luckily, Elma was able to land on her feet, which dug a pair of matching trenches in the ground. Elma lowered her arms and summoned her trident as Tohru landed across from her.

“Talk to me Tohru!” shouted Elma. “Why did you do it? Why attack those humans!”

“Are you really that retarded?” Tohru retorted harshly. “I told you: it’s because those damn humans were starting wars and killing people who didn’t agree with them!”

Tohru launched herself forward, throwing another punch, Elma twirled her trident, deflecting the blow and sidestepping her old friend, exposing the Choas Dragon’s backside. She stabbed at Tohru from behind, but her old friend slapped the tool aside with her tail and twirl around for another punch. Elma raised her trident, blocking the strike with the shaft; a shockwave blew out around them upon impact.

“Why now?” Elma grunted, pushing back against Tohru’s fist. “Humans have waged wars before and you never cared about them. Why is this one different.”

“It’s because of you!” Tohru admitted, pushing away. She threw a flurry of punches at Elma, each one narrowly deflected by the Harmony Dragon’s trident. “Those worshippers of yours were the ones instigating the attacks on anyone who didn’t idolize you! You were the symbol for a religious cult! I had to kill them! It was the only way!”

“That’s why you destroyed them?” said Elma, aghast, while taking a few returns stabs at Tohru, who deftly dodged out of the way. “You killed all those poor humans because they worshipped me? Were you really that jealous.”

“Oh my god, are you really that dense?” said Tohru, lunging forward and managing to land a blow on Elma’s stomach. “I killed them because they were turning you into a symbol! If their petty wars reached back you, that would make you a target for their enemies! I know you’re strong, Elma, but you’re not invincible! Neither of us is! What happens when someone finally lands a lucky blow, or if another god decides to smite you as a heretic? Destroying that cult was the only way to protect you!”

“Why do you care?” snapped Elma, landing a solid whack across Tohru’s face. “I thought you hated me!”

“I never hated you!” screamed Tohru. “I love you, dumbass!”

If you listened closely, you might hear a record scratch as both dragons suddenly came to an instantaneous stop. Tohru and Elma stood a few feet away from each other, their respective tools of battle still raised. Tohru was panting, looking ready to keep fighting…but Elma had a stupidified, almost cartoonish expression on her face.

“…Eh?” she finally mumbled. “Um…what did you say? I’m not sure I heard correctly.”

“Geez, you really are stupid,” Tohru sighed exasperatedly, shaking her head. She stared Elma straight in the eye and told her, with zero hesitation, “I love you, Elma.”

Elma blinked once…twice…her face quickly turned bright-red as steam started coming off her head. The Harmony Dragon let out a high-pitched squeal, dropping her trident on the ground, her hands flying to her burning face.”

“EEEEHHH?!?!” Elma shrieked. “But – how – what – why – where – when did you start feeling that way?”

“God damn, are you serious?” Tohru groaned, pressing her forehead. “I’ve been saying it for years.”

Elma actually had to do a double take. She tilted her head thoughtfully towards the sky, trying to recall any instances of Tohru confessing to her….

FLASHBACK

“This isn’t an easy thing for me to say, so I’ll just come out and say it,” said a strangely embarrassed Tohru sitting next to Elma under an peach tree overlooking a lush valley. “I love you, Elma.”

“YUMMY!” cried Elma, her cheeks packed with juicy peaches

---

“Did you see the way that stupid human ran aware when he realized I was a dragon?” Tohru laughed drunkenly at a local bar next to Elma, slapping the Harmony Dragon on the back. “That dumb sap will think twice about hitting on the girl I love.”

“YUMMY!” cried Elma, munching happily on the mutton she ordered.

---

“God, you are such a hustle,” Tohru groaned as they stopped at the twelfth food stall on the market street. “I can’t believe I’m in love with a glutton like you.”

“YUMMY!” cried Elma as she bit into the meat skewer she purchased.

Elma’s jaw subconsciously dropped. Holy crap! Tohru really has been confessing for years! And she hadn’t been paying attention once! Curse you, delicious food!

“You really didn’t notice until now?” asked Tohru exasperatedly, shaking her head again. “How did I fall in love with a total idiot like you?”

“B-B-B-B-But, wait!” Elma squealed, flailing around wildly with no real direction, her face so hot you could fry an egg off her cheeks (which she would unceremoniously eat as well.) “T-T-T-That can’t be right! You’re Tohru! You’re rude, and selfish, and angry, and hotheaded! You can’t be in love!”

“What kind of dragon do you take me for?” Tohru growled.

“This – this can’t be right,” Elma whined, stopping shakily, her hands against her burning cheeks. “You…you can’t be in love with me! We’re total opposites! You’re a Chaos Dragon and I’m a Harmony Dragon! We’re just too different – “

“Elma….”

The priestess was snapped out of her panic by the startling softness in Tohru’s voice. The Chaos Dragon walked over, taking Elma’s hands into own. Elma raised her head, her ocean blue eyes meeting Tohru’s burning-orange ones. Elma could see a startling gentleness behind them that made her chest ache in a way she had never experience before.

“I love you, Elma,” Tohru repeated sincerely. “…Do you love me?”

A moment of tense silence passed between them…. Then Elma smiled amusingly, reaching up to gently caress Tohru’s cheek.

“What a ridiculous question,” said Elma. “Of course I love you, Tohru.”

A rare happy smile appeared on Tohru’s lips and, unless Elma was mistaken, tears seemed to be welling up in her eyes. Was she really that happy, Elma thought. Heh, even Tohru can act maidenly.

Tohru leaned her head forward and Elma met her halfway, their lips coming together in a slow, chaste kiss. That aching feeling in Elma’s chest exploded a thousand fold, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Elma worried that Tohru might feel her rapidly beating heart through her breast, not realizing that Tohru felt the same way. Their tails subconsciously reached out for one another, curling together like a loving embrace. The sensation of their scales caressing one another sent exciting shivers up their spines.

They finally pulled away, their breasts heaving as they caught their breathes. Tohru and Elma gazed deeply into each other’s eyes and, for the first time in who knows how long, they felt truly free and happy.

But, of course, Elma had to ruin the moment.

“They won’t accept us, you know,” said Elma, lowering her head and frowning. “Our families, I mean. Your father is the Emperor of Demise and my grandmother is the second-in-command of the Harmony Faction. They would never let us be together….”

“Who cares what those old fossils think?” said Tohru firmly, surprising Elma. “I never gave a shit about what my old man thought, so why would I start caring now.”

“But the Factions – “

“Screw them!” Tohru shouted. “If they won’t accept us, then who needs them! As long as we’re together, I don’t need anything else.”

This brought a chuckle out of Elma.

“I didn’t think you could be so romantic,” said Elma teasingly.

“What are you talking about?” said Tohru jokingly, puffing out her chest. “I’m the most romantic dragon I know!”

“I’m sure you are,” Elma laughed. She slid her hand into her lover’s intertwining their fingers. “I’ll admit, I’m a little scared, but…I feel like I can do anything as long as I’m with you, Tohru.”

“Now who’s the romantic,” Tohru laughed.

They started walking off into the wasteland, leaving their dying campfire behind in favor of the distant horizon.

“So if we can’t go back to our Factions, where should we go?” asked Elma.

“Wherever we want,” said Tohru proudly. “As long as we’re together….”

And for many years after, the two of them would stay together, wandering aimlessly throughout the world, doing whatever they wished while avoiding the Faction Dragons. Even after centuries together, their hearts still remained true to one another (disregarding the occasional world-ending spat) until it culminated in the form of a beautiful teal egg named Lucy (in spite of Tohru insisting that Bone Grinder was a better name.)

Then, everything took a strange turn when they stumbled across a drunken office lady in another world.

Chapter Text

At seven o’clock AM, the dreaded alarm clock went off.

Kobayashi let out a whimpering groan. Why does she even have an old fashioned bell-ringing clock instead of going digital like a normal person? The incessant metal chiming felt like someone was banging a steel drum in her head. But it made sense that she was paying the consequences of her actions, especially on a work night.

Kobayashi slapped the alarm silent and reached for her glasses on the bedside table. She put them on and forced herself to sit up, but she went slowly. The very act of moving made her head pound.

“Ugh…hangovers suck,” Kobayashi groaned.

Well, nothing she can do about it now. Time for another monotonous day as a corporate work slave.

After getting dressed, she walked out into the living area of her one bedroom apartment, which also doubled as a dining room. She still had a little time before she needed to catch the train to work. Maybe she could grab something other than an energy drink for breakfast…but that sounded like too much work so early in the morning and slumped into a chair at the table instead. She could sit down for a few more minutes….

Kobayashi rested her chin on the table, staring blearily ahead…and saw a giant egg sitting on the table. And when I say giant, I mean huge! It was roughly the same size as her torso and had a strange pattern as opposed to the usual bland egg-white. It was a gleaming teal color with a scale like design. It almost looked like a giant gemstone. For some reason, Kobayashi noted, it was laying on her trench coat like some kind of nest.

“…Huh, that’s odd,” said Kobayashi, somehow less reactive to find a giant egg in her apartment. “Where did I get this weird egg from? I didn’t buy it while I was drunk, did? Better check my account later….”

Suddenly, a steaming mug was gently placed on the table in front of her.

“Here you are, Miss Kobayashi,” said some girl she didn’t recognize. She sounded very nice and polite. “It’s fresh ginger tea. I hear it’s good for hangovers.”

“Thanks,” said Kobayashi appreciatively.

Kobayashi picked up the cup, blowing on the surface to cool it slightly, and took a long sip. It was very tasty….

It took a moment, but Kobayashi’s drowsy brain finally caught up with the rest of her. She glanced sideways at the nice lady…who was wearing some kind of anime priestess cosplay like the kind her co-worker, Takiya, would fawn over. Though this girl seemed to go the extra mile. She had a squiggly horn attached to her forehead (which was impressively done because she couldn’t see any glue or tape) and a blue tail with a webbed fin. Even if she’s not a fan of cosplay herself, she had to admit that this girl did some impressive work; the tail looked like it could actually move!

No, wait, now’s not the time to be admiring her. This (giant breasted) woman broke into her house! She needed to react now –

Said reaction would be spitting her tea like a fountain, surprising the girl.

“Miss Kobayashi, are you all right?” Elma gasped. “It wasn’t too bitter, was it?”

“No, it was delicious!” Kobayashi didn’t know why she was yelling while giving a compliment. “But more importantly, who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?”

“You don’t remember?” asked Elma, tilting her head curiously. “I guess humans really have poor memories, which is surprising considering how short your lifespan is.”

“I have no idea what she’s saying, but I feel like I’m being insulted?” thought Kobayashi.

“As for your questions,” said Elma, putting a hand on her (gigantic) breasts with a smile. “I’m Elma! And the reason I’m here is because you invited me and my mate to live with you!”

“…I’m sorry, I did what now?” Kobayashi muttered dimly.

“To let me and my mate live with you!” Elma repeated happily.

“So I didn’t mishear you,” said Kobayashi, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Oh man, how drunk was I last night…. Wait, you said mate. Does that mean your husband is here, too?”

“Husband is the word to refer to a married man, correct?” said Elma, humming thoughtfully. “But Tohru is a woman, so that doesn’t seem right. I think the human term for that is…wife? Yes, Tohru is my wife!” she added with a bubbly giggle, her tail wagging energetically. Wow, that’s a really good accessory, Kobayashi thought.

“Ok, your wife,” Kobayashi corrected, looking around the room. “Is she in the bathroom or something?”

“No, she went out to get something for your hangover,” Elma informed her.

“Oh, that was nice of her,” said Kobayashi. They seemed like nice girls, thank goodness. Her drunken self could’ve brought someone way worse back.

Just then, they heard the apartment doorbell chime.

“Oh, that’s probably Tohru now!” said Elma happily, like a love-struck maiden. Kobayashi thought it was cute.

“I’ll get it,” said Kobayashi, rising from the table.

She walked over to the door and opened it wide, curious to know what kind of person this ‘Tohru’ was.

She was a dragon.

A real ass, fifty foot, green scale, giant winged, fire-breathing, ‘holy-shit-I’m-gonna-die!’ dragon was standing on its hind legs, leaning its head on the railing in front of her door. Kobayashi never considered herself having a wild imagination, but this way too absurd to be real. I mean, who ever heard of a Dragon in Koshigaya? And for that matter, how could anyone not notice, especially the people in the other apartments heading out for their daily commute?

The dragon stared at her with its burning-orange eyes, heaving heavy breaths that felt like she had just walked into a sauna. Okay, she could feel it now. Yeah, this was totally not her imagination! Kobayashi was about to slowly walk back inside and close the door –

“Tohru, you’re back!” Elma shouted cheerfully over Kobayashi’s shoulder, startling her. “How was your trip?”

Kobayashi was about to say that Elma had lost her damn mind. How could she act so casual in front of a freakin’ dragon?!?! But when she looked back, however, Kobayashi’s jaw practically hit the floor. In the split-second she looked away, the giant dragon had disappeared and now someone else was standing on her doorstep!

This time it was a (equally giant breasted) blonde woman with the same orange eyes as the dragon that glared at her. She was dressed like a maid from those cosplay cafés Takiya liked to visited for some reason, but she also had a pair of curled horns on her head and a giant green-scaled tail sticking out from under her dress. Just like Elma.

…Wait a minute….

“I’m back!” Tohru replied brightly. “Sorry for the wait!”

Elma ducked around Kobayashi, jumping into Tohru’s waiting arms, and shamelessly started kissing right in front of the stunned office lady, anime hearts flying out of the pink background for some reason. One of the anime hearts bopped against Kobayashi’s head and broke in half. This went on for several more seconds before the er…dragon wives finally separated. Tohru then turned her attention to Kobayashi.

“Good morning, Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru greeted politely. “How’re you feeling today?”

Okay, Kobayashi, you’re a computer programmer. There’s a way you can rationalize all of this. Let’s see….

First we have Tohru, a giant fire-breathing dragon that looks like a cosplay maid for some reason. Elma, who she can assume is also a dragon given her unusual characteristics and her disgustingly affectionate reaction to the aforementioned dragon, whom, Kobayashi recalled, she called her mate. And she, a random twenty-five-year-old office worker with the most tedious and monotonous life in the history of human existence, supposedly invited them to stay in her one bedroom apartment. There could only be one course in logic:

This was all a dream!

“Can’t complain so far,” said Kobayashi after realizing she had been awkwardly silent for an extended period of time.

“Tohru, where did you run off to?” asked Elma, puffing out her cheeks cutely. “You took so long, Miss Kobayashi is already over her hangover.”

“Wait, really?” Tohru gasped, hanging her head depressingly. “And after I went to all the trouble of finding that fountain.”

“Fountain?” Kobayashi parroted curiously.

“I heard water is the best thing for curing a hangover!” Tohru elaborated, perking right back up. She’s a free spirit, Kobayashi thought. “So I wanted to get the bestest water in the whole world for Miss Kobayashi! I had to go to another continent, but I found this pretty fountain in the middle of a swamp protected by a magic barrier! The water there can cure any ailment and reverses the aging process!”

Did she discover the Fountain of Youth, Kobayashi thought absurdly.

“Well, guess I got this for nothing,” said Tohru, pulling out an ordinary water bottle labeled as Youthful Fountain Water®

They’ve even commercialized it, Kobayashi mentally yelled.

“Well, since we’re all here,” said Elma, hugging her mate’s arm and looking at Kobayashi hopefully, “should we all get reacquainted?”

“Oh, sure, why not?” said Kobayashi, responding like a typical working adult and letting them into her house.

Kobayashi sat awkwardly across the table from the dragon wives, suddenly self-conscious of the dozens of empty beer cans littered around her apartment. The giant teal egg that Kobayashi had been looking at earlier had been picked up by Elma, who was cradling it like she was holding a baby. Now that Kobayashi thought about it, if these two were dragons, then that meant the egg was a dragon egg.

“So going back to what we were saying earlier,” Tohru spoke up, “we met yesterday and I invited you two to live with me. And you’re positive that’s what I said.”

“Yup!” Tohru chirped.

Yeah, this is still weird, thought Kobayashi. Why haven’t I woken up from  this dream yet? Unless it’s not a dream…. No, no, there’s no way any of this is real.

“So, your name is…Tohru,” Kobayashi spoke up, recalling the name Elma spoke earlier.

“Yes, I’m Tohru,” said Tohru cheerfully. “And you’ve already met my mate, Elma.”

“And this is our baby, Lucy,” Elma added happily, hugging the egg against her bountiful bosom.

“I still say Bone Grinder is better,” Tohru pouted.

“Give it a rest already,” said Elma, shooting her mate a blank stare. “I laid her, I get to name her.”

“Oh, congratulation,” Kobayashi said politely, bowing her head. But then a thought occurred to her. “Wait, how can two women have a baby together?”

“What do you mean?” Tohru and Elma asked in unison, tilting their heads with confused expressions.

I guess gender is a nonfactor for dragon reproduction, Kobayashi thought dryly.

“Okay…remind me where we met,” Kobayashi requested.

“The mountains!” Tohru answered enthusiastically. “We met in a mountains!”

“Mountains, huh…,” Kobayashi hummed.

She stared off into space, bullying her brain into remembering what transpired after another drunken expedition with Takiya after work. She could only recall bits and pieces of the night in question. She definitely recalled being plastered to high heaven carrying a bottle of Dragonslayer – her favorite brand of booze – and then she took a bus straight to the mountains for some reason she didn’t understand. She had to wonder why the bus driver would have allowed her to get off knowing the woman was drunk.

And then her memories took a turn for the weird. She remembered seeing the dragon – Tohru – lying on the ground, bleeding with a giant sword sticking out of her side. She was being fiercely protected by some type of sea serpent monster that was glaring daggers at Kobayashi. The sea serpent’s tail and horn looked exactly like Elma’s, so Kobayashi could assume that was her real form.

She couldn’t recall what happened next, but apparently she had started a drinking party with Tohru and Elma in their human forms. They seemed to be having a good time because they were laughing their heads off for some reason. Then again, Kobayashi had been so wasted, she probably would’ve laughed even if she was having her nails ripped off.

And then….

“So, wanna come stay with me, dragon?” Past Kobayashi offered with a slurred drawl.

“Oh god…,” Kobayashi moaned, laying her head in her hands. “Oh god, oh god, oh god, I really said that….”

“We owe you so much!” said Elma happily. “We were at a loss for what we were going to do. We’re new to this world, you see, so we didn’t know where we could stay. Thank goodness we found such a kind and generous human.”

“Laying it on thick with the compliments, aren’t we?” Kobayashi moaned.

“I can get to work as your personal maid immediately!” said Tohru with sparkles in her eyes.

“Oh yeah, that’s not happening,” Kobayashi rejected, surprising the pair. “I got nothing against you two – you seem like a nice family – but there’s no way I can let you two stay.”

“But – But – But you wouldn’t have to pay me!” Tohru stuttered frantically. “I could be your maid for free!”

“Yeah, that’s not the issue – “

“I can be super helpful!” Tohru yelled. “I can turn this area into a sea of fire, or curse people to death – “

She let out a startled yelp of pain as Elma slammed their egg over the top of Tohru’s head, leaving a sizable bump.

“Did you just hit her with your kid?” Kobayashi yelled in shock.

“You can’t go around cursing people, you idiot!” Elma scolded her. “That’s what got us in trouble in the first place!”

“Don’t call me an idiot, you food-loving moron!” Tohru snarled, grabbing her mate’s horn and giving it a sharp twist that made Elma cry out in pain.

They really are a married couple, Kobayashi thought dryly.

“So, why are you a maid, anyway?” Kobayashi asked Tohru. Thankfully, the question distracted Tohru long enough for Elma to pry her horn loose.

“Because you said a maid would work better for you,” Tohru answered like it was obvious.

“I did, huh?” said Kobayashi, casting a sideways glance at the old fashioned maid calendar on the wall. She let out an exasperated groan, rubbing the back of her neck. “Yeah, that does seem like something I would say….”

“So…,” Elma inquired hopefully.

“Look, ladies, I’m sorry,” said Kobayashi, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t have made that promise. And you shouldn’t have accepted it while I was drunk. That was irresponsible on both our parts.”

“But we – “ Tohru began until Elma touched her shoulder, shaking her head.

“Tohru…,” said Elma earnestly, “Miss Kobayashi made her decision. We should force her into this, especially after what she did for us. We need to respect her wishes.”

“But I thought we were going to make a home for Lucy,” said Tohru sadly.

“I’m sure we can find somewhere else,” said Elma, tried to force herself to sound optimistic. “I’m sure we can make a nest back in the woods. Or maybe there’s a nice cave in the mountains.”

Great, now I’m feeling guilty, Kobayashi groaned internally.

Tohru turned back to Kobayashi, eyes practically watering, and asked, “Are you sure there’s nothing we can do to change your mind…?”

“I’m sorry…,” Kobayashi mumbled guiltily, unable to meet her gaze.

“…Okay…I understand…,” Tohru said after a moment’s pause, then took Elma’s hand. “We’re sorry for dropping in so suddenly. We’ll just get out of your way….”

The forlorn dragon wives stood up from the table and made their way around, passing by Kobayashi, who kept her head lowered. The bespectacled woman didn’t look up until their backs were to her. Watching the two tread toward the door with their hands together, carrying their little egg baby, made something twist uncomfortably in Kobayashi’s chest. It was like she had just watched someone kick a puppy.

Stop it, you have no reason to feel guilty, Kobayashi scolded herself. It’s fine. It’s just a dream, after all. It’s not like any of this is real…. But…what if it’s not a dream? Then…that means those two are….

As Tohru opened the door to leave, Kobayashi happened to notice the clock hanging on the wall. The time was 8:50 AM.

….

….

….

“OH CRAP!” Kobayashi screamed, jumping out of her chair so fast it was flung to the floor. “I’m late! My shift starts in ten minutes! There’s no way I’ll make it in time! Unless….”

She knew she should feel bad about asking, especially after kicking them out of her home, but her job was on the line! She was entitled to be unreasonably selfish, right?

“Tohru!” Kobayashi scream, stampeding toward the door, catching up with the dragon couple before they left the apartment. Tohru and Elma were taken aback by the crazed expression in the human woman’s eyes. “Can you fly?”

“Well, yeah,” said Tohru plainly. “I just flew across the world – “

“Get me to work on time, and I’ll let you stay as long as you want!” Kobayashi offered desperately.

“Really?” Tohru gasped.

“But didn’t you just – “

“Shut it, Elma!” said Tohru, punching her mate in the face and dropping her on the ground.

Yeah, definitely a married couple, Kobayashi sweat dropped.

Kobayashi screamed at the top of her lungs, which was difficult to hear over the rushing of the wind. She knew, logically, that riding to work on the back of a dragon was stupid, not to mention life-threatening, but her blind panic overruled any common sense.

But on the positive side, they were making pretty good time – they had made it to the city limits in a fraction of the time it would’ve taken by train.

“WAH! DRAGONS ARE SO FAST!” Kobayashi cried.

“Sorry, what did you say?” said Tohru the green dragon, her feminine tone layered with an echoing rasp.

“YOU’RE HELLA FAST!!!” Kobayashi screamed again, but it seemed like Tohru couldn’t hear her again.

After a few moments, the initial panic began to subside and actually started to enjoy the ride a little. Now that she thought about it, maybe having a couple of dragons wouldn’t be so bad. Riding definitely cut down on her commute time, and Elma seemed like the reasonable half of the couple, and she knew how to make good tea. And she had to admit, she would feel bad about sending a baby out on the streets, even if it was an egg. As for the spacing issue, maybe she could finally clean up around the living area and buy some futons for the couple. Maybe a little (dog) bed for Lucy.

Yeah, now that she thought about it, having Tohru, Elma, and Lucy around didn’t seem so bad….

“I could keep them,” Kobayashi mumbled.

“You serious?” said Tohru hopefully.

“So now you can hear me,” Kobayashi grumbled. She let out an exasperated sigh. “I guess it wouldn’t be the end of the world having someone around the house. And if she – GAK!”

“What’s wrong, Miss Kobayashi?” squeaked Tohru, startled.

“This…this is killing my lower back…,” Kobayashi groaned.

And so began her irregular and chaotic life with a lovey-dovey (and ultra destructive) dragon family.

Chapter Text

When they say working a nine-to-five, they were quite literal when it came to Kobayashi.

Every day at five o’clock precisely, Kobayashi made sure that all her files were backed up and her computer was shut down without exception. She had never worked overtime and she had no desire to. Around this time, Takiya would invite her for another round of drinking and maid talk, but she had to pass tonight.

Because Tohru was waiting for her on the roof in full dragon form.

It was outrageous to Kobayashi that nobody in the city could see the giant dragon sitting on top of a skyscraper like a curled up cat. According to Tohru on the way here, dragons had something called “perception blocking” which was basically magic that made them invisible to everyone except for people they wish to be seen by. Kobayashi was willing to believe anything at this point.

“I’m done with work,” Kobayashi informed the green dragon.

“Then shall we return?” asked Tohru eagerly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kobayashi groaned.

Dragons were fast, but they were so hard and uncomfortable as Kobayashi’s back could attest….

“We’re home,” Kobayashi called as she and Kobayashi entered the apartment.

“Oh, welcome back, you two,” Elma greeted cheerfully, popping her head out of the kitchen. “Give me a minute. Lucy should be done in a moment.”

“Done with what?” asked Kobayashi, peeking into the kitchen curiously. The bespectacled woman gapped as she witnessed the former priestess repeatedly dunking her egg into a pot of boiling hot water on the stove. “What the hell are you doing to your kid?”

“What do you mean?” Elma asked, taken aback by Kobayashi’s sudden outburst.

“Why are you putting your children in a boiling water?” yelped Kobayashi, aghast. “You want to turn her into a hard-boiled egg? Are you going to eat her or something?”

“You’re so silly, Miss Kobayashi,” Toghru giggled behind the human.

“Huh?” Kobayashi stared at her, dumfounded.

“Oh, I see what the confusion is,” said Elma, pounding her fist into her palm in an ‘Aha!’ moment. “It’s not like that, Miss Kobayashi. I was just…what’s the word you humans use…incubating Lucy.”

“Incubating?” Kobayashi repeated, blinking clueless.

“Yeah!” Elma perked up. “You know how fowls sit on their eggs to keep them warm and help them grow. Well, with dragons, we incubate our young by introducing them to their elements while they are still in their eggs. For example, I am a water dragon, so my parents regularly dipped me in sacred spring water.”

“And I’m a fire dragon!” Tohru chimed in cheerfully, raising her hand. “My old man threw me into a volcano and left me there until I hatched!”

That way too Spartan, Kobayashi thought outrageously.

“So then what’s up with the hot pot?” Kobayashi asked aloud, pointing at the boiling pot.

“Well, we’re not exactly sure what Lucy’s affinity is going to be,” Elma admitted, “considering that both her parents are opposing elements.”

“Ah, I get it,” said Kobayashi, nodding understandingly. “So you found a compromise by combining both elements into one.”

“Exactly!” Tohru cheered. “You’re so smart, Miss Kobayashi!”

“Simple-gon,” Kobayashi muttered to herself with a blank stare.

Since an unborn dragon baby wasn’t in any apparent danger of being boiled alive, Kobayashi called the lovey-dovey dragon couple into the living space. It seemed that while Kobayashi was at work, Elma had taken to cleaning up the place, and she did a remarkable job, too. All the beer cans that had been strewn about had been neatly put in the recycling bin and the meager furniture Kobayashi had was neatly rearranged to make extra space. Kobayashi was feeling more inclined to let them stay if this was the level of work they were capable of. Or maybe it’s just Elma.

“Okay, if you two are going to stay here, let’s go over the basics,” said Kobayashi, coughing into her fist importantly. “Let’s start with you, Tohru.”

“I’m ready, Miss Kobayashi!” said Tohru, pumping her fist determinedly.

“I am as well!” cried Elma, mimicking her wife’s enthusiasm.

“First off, let’s talk about that outfit of yours,” said Kobayashi, looking the blonde dragon up and down with a critical gaze. “Where did you get the idea that that’s the proper attire.”

“From this!” said Tohru cheerfully. Somehow, she magically produced a flyer and a colorful sign from thin air. “Here you go! It says Maid Café Cozy, see?”

“…What is this?” asked Kobayashi, speechless.

“I discovered some real life maids while I was out,” Tohru informed; Kobayashi facepalmed.

“I think it makes you look unbelievably cute, Tohru!” Elma shouted, suddenly red-faced and breathing heavy. “It compliments your horn and tail beautifully.”

“You think so?” Tohru smiled, touching her blushing cheeks.

The pink fuzzy backdrop was back with even more anime hearts flying around the room; Kobayashi stared at them apathetically, slapping the hearts out of her face.

“Since you know next to nothing about real maids,” Kobayashi sighed, separating the lovey-dovey couple, “we’re going to have to work from the ground up. Step one: as a house maid, you clean.”

“Oh, I’m good at cleaning!” Tohru remarked.

Oh course, a dragon’s idea of cleaning meant opening her mouth (filled with rows of sharp, deadly fangs) and blasting the room in a magical inferno. Surprisingly, it was quick like a firecracker going off. When the blinding light cleared her vision, Kobayashi’s jaw dropped when she found her entire apartment sparkling clean…because all her possessions had been completely atomized!

(Lucy the egg was untouched, so that meant Tohru was conscious of her destructive power.)

“How’s that?” asked Tohru cheerfully.

“No, it’s all gone!” cried Kobayashi.

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring it back,” said Elma casually as she waved her hand, casting a magic circle that instantly returned everything that her wife had disintegrated.

“You can do that?” Kobayashi yelled in shock. Of course she could; Kobayashi didn’t know why she bothered asking. The bespectacled woman exhaled an exhausted sigh. “All right, moving on…. Step two: laundry. You clean. It’s that simple.”

“Ooh, ooh, I can do that!” Elma volunteered, raising her hand like an overly eager student. “I’m a water dragon! We’re naturally clean!”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Kobayashi hummed thoughtfully. “All right, show me what you can do.”

Kobayashi would come to regret her words almost immediately. As Elma stared down the hamper of dirty laundry like she was facing some insurmountable foe, the former priestess summoned her trident to her hand. Kobayashi flinched and opened her mouth to stop the dragon before she did something crazy, but it was too late. Elma pointed her staff at the laundry and blasted it with a burst of holy white light.

Kobayashi didn’t even bother reacting this time as she waited for her vision to clear. When the heavenly light faded, Elma reached into the hamper and pulled out what used to be her favorite trench coat she wore for her daily commute. It had somehow been transformed into a blinding-white robe like the ones used by priests in fantasy games, completely with little yellow sparkles.

“What do you think, Miss Kobayashi?” asked Elma, her tail wagging exactly like a puppy eager for praise. “Isn’t that super clean? And it comes with an added bonus of +10 charisma and intelligence stats!”

“And now my life is officially an RPG,” Kobayashi mumbled, hanging her head. Now she’s gonna have to buy some new clothes. “We’ll figure out the cleaning another time. Step number three: parlor maid. Greet people – it’s that simple.”

“Easy thing for me!” said Tohru brightly.

Whether it was purely coincidence or divine intervention, the doorbell happened to ring at that exact moment. Tohru happily skipped away to answer. Kobayashi, ever the skeptic, followed closely behind as the chaotic dragon opened the door. It was the postman making a late delivery. And I mean really late, considering the sun had already gone down by that time.

“Hello,” the postman greeted politely. “I need a signature for this delivery.”

“THIS FOOLISH INFERIOR HUMAN IS NOT WELCOME AT THIS HOME!” Tohru snarled, giving off a deathly green aura, her sharp teeth present, not even hiding the fact that she had horns and a tail. The postman stared at the dragon awkwardly, mostly likely thinking she was cosplaying.

“Oi!” Kobayashi snapped, annoyed.

“Oh, you’re an exception, of course, Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru did a complete 180 when address the bespectacled human, dropping her evil aura instantly.

Thankfully, Kobayashi managed to smooth thing out with the postman and accepted the package without any further incident. Huh, it was a care package from her mom. Kobayashi was a working adult now, but it was nice to get treats every once in a while.

“Last one: kitchen maid,” said Kobayashi exhaustedly. Working with these two was even more stressful than she realized. “You cook. Self-explanatory.”

“Cooking is my specialty!” shouted Tohru, flexing her muscles.

“Oh, you’re so lucky, Miss Kobayashi!” Elma added. “The food that Tohru makes is absolutely divine! As if the God of Cooking bestowed his blessing of culinary genius upon her!”

Is there such a thing as a God of Cooking, Kobayashi wondered. Well, if Elma says she’s good, then I can’t wait to try it.

Once again, Kobayashi completely underestimated the difference between human and dragon cultures. As the bespectacled woman took a seat at the table, knife and fork at the ready, she was horrified as Tohru set the oversized dish in front of her.

It was a huge chunk of meat, but it was no meat that Kobayashi had ever seen. It looked like it had been only recently cut from whatever animal it came from. There was still bone in the middle and it was secreting a thick, oozing green substance that looked disturbingly like blood. Wherever Tohru got this from, it looked like the most she did was grill it to a crisp brown.

“Ta-da!” Tohru announced with a flourish. “It’s my special dish: my roasted tail!”

Roasted tail?! The implications left Kobayashi visibly horrified and mildly queasy. She glanced out of the corner of her eye and noticed that Tohru’s tail couldn’t be seen under her cosplay outfit. Oh god, this crazy dragon really did cut off her tail and serve it to her!

“No thanks,” Kobayashi grimaced.

“Huh?” Tohru tilted her head.

“Not going to happen,” Kobayashi declared vehemently.

“Would you prefer it well-done instead?” asked Tohru seriously.

“That’s not the issue here,” said Kobayashi.

“Then I’m confident you’ll enjoy it immensely!” said Tohru, striking a pose for some reason.

“I’m ethically against dragon tail,” declared Kobayashi.

“Ah, so Miss Kobayashi is a picky eater!” Tohru gasped.

“I’m visually picky,” said Kobayashi bluntly.

“Then let me have it!” cried Elma. The former priestess had been visibly drooling since Tohru slammed the charred tail on the table and was making a puddle on the floor. “Let me eat Tohru!”

“That can be taken out of context,” said Kobayashi dryly, who nonetheless shoved the dish her way. “Here, you dig in.”

Elma squealed in delight and literally pounced on the tail.

Watching a dragon eat was as fascinating as it was terrifying. The former priestess didn’t use a knife or fork or even her hands. She just ruthlessly tore into the cooked dragon meat, ripping flesh from bone with nothing but her teeth. It was like those nature documentaries where lions feasted on wild gazelles.

“You really shouldn’t be so fussy, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru like a stern mother…while her tail mysteriously plopped out under her skirt.

“It grows back?” Kobayashi yelped in surprise.

“I worked really hard to remove all the poison, you know,” Tohru commented.

“It’s poisonous?”

After a few minutes of watching Elma devour her wife’s tail meat, Kobayashi and the dragon wives reconvened in the living area. Tohru was holding Lucy on her lap, her ample bust resting on top of the egg. Elma didn’t want her baby to be exposed too much to the elements because she was raised in a gentler environment. Tohru thought she was worrying too much, but considering her father’s ‘live-or-die’ hatching method, Kobayashi was on Elma’s side.

“Hate to break it to you,” said Kobayashi, crossing her arms, “but you two are the worst maids in history.”

“No, that can’t be true!” cried Tohru, shocked.

“I’m not even a maid!” yelled Elma.

“I’m sorry, but you guys failed even the most basic of maid duties,” Kobayashi sighed, scratching the back of her head uncomfortably.

“Then I’ll learn from the ground up!” Tohru shouted desperately. “How ‘bout we start by telling me things you dislike?”

“What I dislike?” Kobayashi repeated, tilting her head back and looking up at the ceiling in thought. “Well, I can’t do hijiki* or eggplant.”

“Interesting,” said Tohru, nodding seriously. “I’ll remember that. Personally, I dislike eggs when the yolks have been removed.”

“Oh, because of what happened to Mr. Herensuge?” said Elma. “I remember. He was killed a while back when that knight threw an egg at his head.”

“That is one seriously cracked egg,” Kobayashi remarked; insert rimshot. “Hold up, why are you asking what I dislike? Shouldn’t you ask what I like?”

“No, you must simply not do that, Miss Kobayashi!” said Elma fiercely, making an ‘X’ with her arms to emphasize her point. “Many have fallen victim by their vices. In fact, dozens of dragons have been killed by the things they desire used against them such as jewels, alcohol, and women.”

“So they’re not that much different from humans,” Kobayashi remarked. That was actually a surprising bit of information. Guess dragons aren’t as invincible as she assumed.

“However, there is one thing I will tell you that I love most in this world!” said Tohru dramatically, surprising Elma by pulling her into a sideways embrace. “And that is my adorable, gluttonous mate, Elma!”

“Oh, Tohru,” said Elma, her face flushed. “I love you, too!”

Kobayashi stared deadpanned as the lovey-dovey dragon wives started making out in the middle of her apartment, picking up Lucy as she lay forgotten on the floor.

“Oh, and I like you, too, Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru added as an afterthought after the dragons finally came up to breathe.

“I’m flattered,” said Kobayashi indifferently.

“I’m serious!” Tohru said with unwavering conviction, jumping to her feet (and letting Elma fall flat on her face.) “Elma may be my mate and I love her from heaven to hell, but you are just as important to me, too! You save my life, and I’ll use my whole body to repay the favor! Please, feel free to ravage me until your carnal desires are sated!”

“I’m not into women or dragons,” said Kobayashi bluntly, suddenly feeling the need to put her hands over Lucy’s ears (if she had any.) “And should you really be saying that in front of your wife?”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Elma chimed in perkily. “If you like, you could ravage our bodies together.”

“This is taking an uncomfortable turn,” Kobayashi commented, sweatdropping.

“Please, give me the chance to repay you, Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru cried desperately. “Please use me to commute to work tomorrow!”

“Thanks, but I got enough of that earlier,” Kobayashi winced, recalling the soreness of her lower back when she arrived at work. “Your back is way too hard.”

“Give me a chance, Miss Kobayashi!” said Tohru. “I was raised to pay back all debts, even if it’s to a foolish, inferior human!”

“Call me crazy, but I sense a harsh bias against human,” Kobayashi remarked.

“Tohru comes from a faction that hates and  destroys all human civilization,” Elma explained plainly. Tohru gave her a look of utter betrayal. “Honestly, it’s a miracle she hasn’t razed this city to the ground.”

“You don’t have to tell her things like that, Elma!” shouted Tohru.

“Wait, so it’s true?” yelped Kobayashi.

“I promise I won’t destroy or kill anyone without permission – I swear!” said Tohru.

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” said Kobayashi, letting out an exasperated sigh. She was so tired and it wasn’t even past seven yet. “Back on the topic of dragon riding, there is another reason why I would rather not have you fly me to work, Tohru.”

“Your back?” Tohru guessed.

“Well, that’s half of it,” said Kobayashi. “The other half is….” She gently set Lucy on the ground, rising to her feet and pointing dramatically at the dragon maid. “You stand out way too much! I think a dragon’s place is in the home holding down the fort!”

“…what’s a fort?” asked Tohru cluelessly; Kobayashi nearly fell over.

“It’s those buildings with the big walls that humans like to hide in to protect themselves,” Elma said helpfully.

“Oh yeah, I burned down a bunch of those!” said Tohru cheerfully.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” said Kobayashi, deciding to roll with it rather than be shocked by anything at this point. “Tohru, you’re relatively strong for a dragon, right?”

“If you consider starting Armageddon strong,” said Tohru casually.

“I do, and please don’t,” Kobayashi instructed immediately.

“I’m just as strong as Tohru!” Elma proclaimed, shooting up to her feet. “Last time Tohru and I fought, we destroyed three islands!”

“Why do you feel the need to add that?” said Kobayashi, staring at the former priestess ludicrously. She exhaled a tired sigh and turned away, staring off into space. “The world is dangerous enough without your help. I’m just saying I would feel a whole lot better knowing you’re here keeping the house safe for me.”

“Yes, I understand!” said Tohru happily, pounding her giant bust (making them bounce lewdly.) “Just leave it to me!”

“Simple-gon,” Kobayashi muttered quietly, honestly surprised that she could fool a mighty dragon so easily. But it all worked out in the end, so she didn’t worry too much about it.

When it was finally time for bed, Kobayashi laid out some old futons from the back of her closet. They were full of dust since Kobayashi hasn’t had a guest in…actually, she never had a guest. That thought made her a little depressed. Elma was able to clean them up with a simple spell (and gave them +5 dexterity stats.) After changing into her night clothes, Kobayashi smiled as she watched Tohru and Elma curl up together, nestling their egg protective between their mountainous cleavage. She didn’t understand them sometimes, but there was no doubt they were dotting mothers.

Kobayashi turned out the lights, went back to her room, and fell asleep.

That night, she had the oddest dream of the world being destroyed by a yolkless egg.

Chapter Text

Kobayashi got up for work that morning same as she always did. The difference is that this time she actually sat down for a proper breakfast, courtesy of Tohru. Thank god there was no tail meat this time, she thought. Just as Elma said, Tohru’s cooking was divine, but she didn’t say so out loud of fear of giving the dragon a huge ego.

“Well, I’m off to the office,” Kobayashi told Tohru and Elma, who had come to the door to see her off like a couple of dogs. “If anybody calls, you can answer and take a message, yeah?”

“What’s a ‘calls?’” asked Tohur, tilting her head one way.

“You mean like birds?” said Elma, tilting her head the other way.

“That’s ‘caws,’ not calls,” Kobayashi retorted dryly. Honestly, she shouldn’t be surprised after the amount of grief the two of them gave her last night.

Kobayashi checked her watch – she had about twenty minutes to catch her train. Should be quick enough to explain. The bespectacled human slipped in between Tohru and Elma and walked back to the telephone sitting haphazardly on the pile of old magazines. Truthfully, she didn’t know why she had an old fashioned cable phone when she had a smartphone, but that was a mystery saved for another day.

“This is a phone,” Kobayashi explained it as simply as possible, taking the phone off the receiver and holding it to her ear to demonstrate. “When it goes ‘ring, ring,’ you pick it up like so.”

“Okay, got it!” Tohru nodded enthusiastically.

“They talk, then you talk,” said Kobayashi.

“They talk, then I talk!” Tohru parroted.

“Okay, that should just about do it,” said Kobayashi, setting the phone down and heading out the door. “Okay, take care. Don’t let the house burn down while I’m gone.”

“That would never happen!” said Tohru defensively.

“Well…,” Elma began.

“SHUT IT, ELMA!” Tohru snapped.

Kobayashi sighed. Leaving them alone was not reassuring, but she was going to be late for work. Being a corporate slave came before personal wants. Such is the cruel reality of the working adult.

There was a short pause after Kobayashi left where Elma stared at the door, humming thoughtfully.

“So…where’re to ‘hold down the fort’ as per Kobayashi’s wishes,” said Elma, turning to her wife. “What do you suppose that – “

But when she turned to her green-scaled mate, Elma discovered the space to be stunningly devoid of one dragon maid. Instead, there was a little sticky note on the wall with a cartoonish caricature of Tohru’s face. There was message written in Draconic – the language of dragons – so it could only have been left by her. Elma peeled the note from the wall and read:

Went to take Lucy for a walk around town!

(Definitely not following Miss Kobayashi)

Love,

Tohru

“GODS DAMN IT, TOHRU!” Elma screeched, throwing her hands up and flashing her pointed teeth in rage. “WHY ARE LEAVING ME ALONE TO WATCH THE HOUSE? I’M NOT THE MAID HERE!”

Elma took a moments of deep, heavy breathing before she finally willed the anger out of her body. Unfortunately, she was far to accustomed to her wife sneaking away from responsibilities on a whim. At least, Elma thought, it wasn’t like last time when Tohru ran off to steal some rice from the Goddess of Storms and came back whimpering with a charred tail.

“Well, I suppose there’s no helping it,” Elma sighed exasperatedly. “Until Tohru and Miss Mobayashi come back, I suppose it’s up to me to ‘hold the fort.’ But…what that pertain to, exactly?” She glanced around the walls and ceiling with a critical eye. “This building could hardly be called a fort – it has no defensive capabilities. Then again, this is a peaceful world. Maybe it doesn’t need any.

“Argh, I don’t understand! Maybe I should ask someone? Someone who us smart and wise with years of life experience…. Or I could ask grandmother. One out of three isn’t bad.”

Elma walked back to the telephone that Kobayashi showed her and held up her palm to the device. She inscribed a blue magic circle, which would enchant the phone to reach out to the other world. Elma didn’t have any talent for crossing dimensions like Tohru did, but thanks to her wife explaining the basic principle behind it, Elma could cast a simple communication spell that would suffice. How she could apply this to a device she only learn about ten minutes ago was a mystery, but the bigger mystery was how the recipient on the other end would receive it.

Elma brought the phone to her ear like Kobayashi showed her, listening to the ringtone twice before it clicked on the other side.

“Yo, who’s this?” spoke said recipient in a would-be childish voice.

Elma resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Despite being countless millennia old, her grandmother Telne liked to act younger than she actually was. She purposely made her human form to resemble a human middle schooler and goes above and beyond to follow the latest trends and cute things. Of course, nobody said anything. Not since Elma’s father told Telne to start acting her age and was promptly banished to the bottom of the ocean for ten centuries.

“Grandmother, it’s me, Elma,” said Elma.

“Elma? Sweet merciful gods, you’re still alive,” said Telne, sounding mildly surprised, but not too upset at the prospect of her granddaughter being dead. Elma sweatdropped. “Where’ve you been all this time? After you stop coming home, I just assumed you upped and gorged yourself to death.”

“I’m not that glutenous, grandmother!” Elma shouted defensively, her face turning an interesting shade of red.

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me ‘Big Sis?’” Elma could practically hear her pout.

“And how many time do I have to tell you that’s never going to happen?” Elma groaned.

“So where are you?” asked Telne. “And why are you using a long-range communication spell to talk to me? Wouldn’t it have been easier to fly over if you wanted to chat.”

“Well, the thing is, grandmother…,” Elma hesitated, curling the phone cord around her finger nervously. “I’m kind of in the human world right now – “

“The human world?” Telne repeated, alarmed. “What in the name of the heavens are you doing over there?”

“Well, me and Tohru are – “

“Tohru? The Emperor of Demise’s brat?” said Telne with mild scoff in her tone. Harmony Faction dragons generally had low opinions of Chaos Dragon, but even more so of the Emperor of Demise and his daughter. “What’re you still doing with her? Tigris told me you two broke up after she destroyed that human city last month.”

“…Granny, that was six centuries ago,” Elma corrected with a blank stare. “Tohru and I have made up since then.”

“Wait, really?” said Telne, surprised. “It’s been that long? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“Elma ran a hand down her face. Given how old she was, her grandmother has a horrid perception of time. What may seem like centuries for mortal would be little more than a couple hours from her perspective.

“Huh, you learn something new every day,” Telne hummed. “Okay, so you two are together again. What’ve you been up to lately?”

“Well…we’ve become mates and…kind of have an egg – “ Elma explained.

“AN EGG?!” Telne screamed, forcing Elma to pull the phone away. “WHAT THE NAME OF THE HOLY LANDS DO YOU MEAN YOU TWO HAVE AN EGG! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? DID YOU – DID YOU REALLY HAVE A KID WITH THE EMPEROR OF DEMISE’S BRAT? ANSWER ME, EL – “

Click! Elma slammed the phone back down on the receiver.

“Well, that was completely unhelpful,” Elma groaned. “And I’m pretty sure I just put a target on Tohru’s back. All I wanted to know was what ‘holding down the fort’ meant.”

In the moment of silence that filled the apartment afterward, Elma’s ears caught a strange scratching noise. It sounded like it was coming from the front door. Elma approached the door. Now that she was standing there, she could smell two humans on the other side. They were adults – likely in their thirties. One of them smelled of hair products and cheap cologne, the other reeked of tobacco and grease.

Then she heard their voices through the door.

“The lady who lives here should be gone all day, but let’s make this quick.”

“Well, be in and out before you can say ‘open sesame.’”

They sounded like thieves! Elma’s Harmony Faction instincts automatically kicked in at the revelation that there were evildoers afoot, her eyes and teeth taking draconic shape.

When the lock was flipped and the door creaked open, the two men leaned inside with pleased expressions. They were quickly replaced with fear as Elma shot her hands forward, wrapping her fingers around their faces, and effortlessly lifted them off the ground despite being shorter. The thieves kicked their feet and clawed at Elma’s arms, their terrified screams muffled behind Elma’s palms.

“Those of wicked hearts must be punished!” Elma declared furiously. “Prepare yourself for heaven’s judgment!”

“We’re home,” said Kobayashi tiredly as she walked through the front door, pulling Tohru behind her by the ear. The blonde dragon maid looked ashamed and tearfully, hugging Lucy the Egg like a teddy bear. “Look who I found sneaking into my office instead of holding down the fort like I asked her to.”

“Please let go of my ear, Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru whined. “That really hurts!”

Kobayashi did let go of Tohru’s ear, but not because the dragon maid asked. Kobayashi was simply too dumbfounded by what she was witnessing in her living room.

Two men she had never seen before were tied up on a tall pole that had been somehow erected in the middle of the room, both of whom looked like they passed out in terror, their souls about ready to leave their bodies. Elma had just finished setting up a large pile of wood to the base of the pole and was holding up a flaming torch when Kobayashi and Tohru walked in.

“Welcome back, Miss Kobayashi!” Elma greeted cheerfully, then pouted at her mate. “I’m still mad at you, Tohru, so you’re not welcome!”

“Aw, don’t be such a grumpy dragon,” Tohru rolled her eyes.

“Uh, Elma…what’re you doing?” asked Kobayashi, referring to the unconscious men.

“Heaven’s judgment!” Elma explained brightly.

"Nice!" Tohru praised, giving her mate a thumbs-up.

“No fires in the house,” said Kobayashi flatly.

“Aww…,” Elma whined.

The two thieves were dropped off at the police station later that night with no memory of what happened.

Chapter Text

Tohru already knew that the moment she set foot out of the apartment, Elma was going to throw a fit when she came back. There was probably going to be a lot of punching involved – maybe a few magical blasts that will wipe out the whole neighborhood. Maybe she could use Lucy as a shield! Elma would have to pull her punches if Tohru was hiding behind their egg!

(*This author does not condone the use of baby dragons as meat shields. Do not try this at home.*)

But in her defense, Tohru wasn’t completely lying in the note she left Elma alone. Tohru and Lucy decided to explore the town – getting the lay of the land of their new territory. Tohru could’ve easily observed everything from the air in her dragon form, but since Kobayashi would be at work for another eight hours, Tohru decided to take her time and and make herself known to the neighborhood.

She passed by a neighborhood park where human children frolicked about. Tohru saw parents sitting on the edge of the grounds watching their children play and briefly imagined herself and Elma with their (dragon-sized) daughter. She stopped by the local market, introducing herself to all the vendors who took notice that she was new and greeted her. (They all looked at her funny when she introduced a giant egg as her daughter.) She also visited the mall to see what they had compared to the market, but it was so large and complicated, that Tohru knew she preferred. She also visited Maid Café Cozy to do research on what proper maids were like (and picked up some unnecessary quirks.)

And in no time at all, it was five o’clock, which meant Miss Kobayashi would be getting off of work. Since she was in the city already, she might as well go pick her up, Tohru thought delightedly.

Her expression immediately turned sour when she saw HIM.

“Uh…what’s with that girl glaring at us?” asked Makoto Takiya, sweatdropping at the strange girl in a maid outfit staring him down with the most cursed glare in human existence. “Do you know her?”

Kobayashi facepalmed, exhaling an exasperated sigh.

Tohru’s hackles rose. She hated the fact that, by human standards, he seemed somewhat pleasing to the eyes. He certainly seemed close in appearance to those knights that the maidens of her world used to fawn over. That reminded of the time when one of those metal-clad fools dared to make a move Elma when they stopped at an inn (not that the priestess noticed because she was stuffing her face.) That just made Tohru hate this man even more!

“Um, can we help you?” asked Takiya awkwardly. They had stepped outside onto the sidewalk; it was considered rude to clutter up the entryway.

“Greetings,” said Tohru, forcing herself to smile at him only because Miss Kobayashi was present. “I’m Tohru Kobayashi, Miss Kobayashi’s new maid! Her new live-in maid! Her new violent live-in maid!” She held up Lucy the Egg like she was presenting some type of irrefutable proof. “And this is our baby, Lucy! Isn’t she the cutest?”

“Uh…,” Takiya hummed, looking to his co-worker for answers.

“She’s my cousin,” Kobayashi excused, not meeting Takiya’s eye. “She and her wife, my cousin-in-law, fell on some hard times and I’m looking after them for a while. The egg is…an exotic pet they found and are taking care of it.

This was a story Kobayashi personally came up with to explain why Tohru and Elma were staying with her if they were ever seen wandering around. It was easy to call them crazy relatives and excuse their abnormalities, but Lucy was a bit harder to explain. The exotic pet story was flimsy, but it was the best she could come up with. Thankfully, Kobayashi noticed, Tohru had been sensible enough to hide her tail when leaving the house; her horns could easily be explained as cosplay.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Takiya greeted casually. Thank god he was the type to take everything in stride, thought Kobayashi. “I’m Makoto Takiya. Kobayashi and I work together.”

“A pleasure to meet you, too, Mr. Takiya,” said Tohru pleasantly.

But what she was actually thinking was:

This man is clearly attempting to seduce Miss Kobayashi! I shall not allow it! The moment Miss Kobayashi averts her gaze, I shall destroy this cursed wretch and cast his soul into the deepest pits of hell!

“The two of us were about to go get some drinks,” said Takiya courteously. “Would you like to come along? Can you drink in the first place?”

“Of course I can drink, stultus,” said Tohru in the sweetest tone she could muster.

Takiya blinked. He had no idea what a stultus was, but he decided not to dwell on it.

“No, she should be headed home where she was supposed to be in the first place,” Kobayashi scolded her, making the dragon deflate.

“But – but I wanted to show Lucy around!” said Tohru, holding up her egg.

“Don’t use your kid to justify yourself,” Kobayashi rebuked. “And what about Elma? You know, you’re wife. You didn’t leave her all alone at the house, did you?”

“Elma’ll be fine,” Tohru waved off her concern. “What could possibly happen?”

At the same time, Elma was talking on the phone with her grandmother while the two would-be thieves she caught earlier were tied up on the floor, their eyes rolled back in terror with their souls halfway to the afterlife.

“Hello, granny,” said Elma. “I was wondering if you have any recommendations for a homemade heaven’s judgment for two heinous thieves on a budget?”

“Hmm…how do you feel about burning at the stake?” Telne hummed. “I know where you can get a great discount on firewood.”

They stopped by at a bar Kobayashi and Takiya frequented. It was small compared to big-time bars – so much that they only had a counter and three tables. But it was inexpensive and the booze tasted better than the generic stuff at regular bars, so they weren’t complaining. Tohru insisted on sitting next to Kobayashi, which was on the opposite side of Takiya, while Lucy the Egg was sitting in a booster seat beside the table. Kobayashi briefly wondered why a bar would even had a booster seat, but it was quickly pushed out of her mind when their drinks arrives.

Tohru was frankly astonished that the four-eyed office worker was able to guzzle half the glass in a single swig. Not even the heaviest drinkers in her world could consume that much alcohol in one go. Humans of this world really were on a different level….

“I love a good drink after work!” Kobayashi yelled uncharacteristically loud, flailing her glass around and slosh booze on the table. “It’s the best.”

Miss Kobayashi might be an even worse drinker than Lucoa, Tohru thought. Maybe I should have brought Elma. I can’t play the responsible adult!

“I take it you won’t be joining us in our fight against sobriety,” said Takiya, noticing that Tohru had ordered a melon soda rather than alcohol.

“Elma and I have sworn off alcohol after Lucy was laid,” said Tohru matter-of-factly.

She chose not to mention that shortly after Elma laid Lucy, they celebrated with Lucoa and Fafnir over a round of drinks and nearly turned their own kid into scrambled eggs after incinerating the entire landscape in a drunken daze.

But ignoring that, what do I do about this fool, thought Tohru, who was glaring at Takiya out of the corner of her eye. I can’t outright kill him. The laws in the world are too strict…. I know! I can flaunt how close Miss Kobayashi and I have become –

“ – we’re only secondary or tertiary subcontractors, why bother complaining?” said Kobayashi

Huh?

“Because I don’t like how following their directions consistently means we fail,” said Takiya. “And the developers don’t even notice unless we point it out.

Wa – wait a minute….

“But making sure they don’t have to notice their faults is part of our job, so again, why complain?”

“I just think foisting their problems on us is pretty sucky thing to do.”

What – What kind of ancient tongue are they speaking? I can’t follow what they’re saying at all!

“Ah, I’m so sorry, Tohru,” Takiya apologized, noticing the dizzy expression on the dragon’s face. “We’re not exactly including you in this discussion.”

Okay, that pissed her off.

“No, it’s fine, I just don’t feel like joining in such an unrefined discussion!” Tohru snapped irritable, switching to full Tsundere mode. Takiya could tell she was playing it off and maintained a neutral expression, but he was definitely grinning on the inside. “We should be discussing the ramifications of Ragnarok or Armageddon instead!”

“Uh, what…?” muttered Takiya, even more confused than ever.

“It’s doesn’t matter – I’ve had enough!” Tohru roared, her patience finally snapping, her pointed teeth and claws on full display. “It’s time to use force! I’ll cut you up and feed you to the wolves!”

Tohru rose from her seat, fully intending to carry out the threat on the man, who was rattling his brain trying to figure out what kind of role-play she was doing. The dragon’s would-be assault was sharply interrupted when Kobayashi slammed her mug on the table, making Tohru flinch. Tohru craned her head fearfully, noticing a dark menacing aura surround the bespectacled woman.

“Tohru…,” said Kobayashi ominously, staring unblinkingly at the dragon maid in a way that made Tohru shrink. “A maid do not use that kind of language….”

“M-Miss Kobayashi?” Tohru stuttered fearfully.

“No threatening murder in public!” Kobayashi slurred.

“Holy hell, she’s drunk!” shrieked Tohru. Then a thought occurred to her randomly: Wait, does that mean I can threaten murder in private?

“On top of that, what’s with your so-called maid uniform!” Kobayashi griped, her words becoming louder and more sloshed by the second. “You think maids are a joke? That kind of ‘braided hair French maid is so damn overused, it’s not even a maid anymore! It’s just cosplay!”

“It’s here!”

Tohru shrieked in a surprised panic. When she wasn’t looking, that (admittedly) handsome man had somehow warped into some kind of cartoonish caricature with bottle cap glasses and her front teeth magically doubled in size.

“What devilry is this?” Tohru cried.

“You’re right, Master Kobayashi!” Takiya screamed so loud that everyone in the bar could hear him. Oddly enough, none of the other customers reacted. It’s as if they were used to this, which was a scary thought. “Tohru’s maid-level is truly no more than cosplay! It’s cultural appropriation without the culture! Like foreigners dressing up as ninjas or samurai!”

“Agreed!” Kobayashi screamed, making Tohru fall out of her seat onto the floor. The dragon maid took cover behind Lucy, staring at the shouting humans in terror. “I acknowledge her goth-loli cuteness, but the fact is that it’s nothing like the real thing!”

“Precisely so!” Takiya retorted. “The concepts of maid and Lolita, while often used together, should also be treated with more care! Those maid cafes take the joke way too far!”

This goes beyond just being part of the conversation at this point, thought Tohru. While the two humans were screaming back and forth, Tohru slowly grabbed Lucy from the booster seat and backed away slowly. Maybe I should take my chances with Elma being mad at me instead –

“Oi! Tohru!” Kobayashi shouted, freezing the dragon maid in her tracks. “We have a high-level maid debate going on here, so say something!”

“Uh, yes, I’m very sorry…,” Tohru squeaked, visibly trembling. “But, you see, it’s past Lucy’s bedtime….”

“You know, Tohru,” Takiya joined in. Damn it, just shut up, Tohru thought. “Those horns are a nice, if not confusing, touch to the cosplay.”

“Dragons have horns,” Tohru grumbled. “Don’t know what you want me to say….”

“Take it off!” Kobayashi yelled, startling Tohru. “That damn outfit! Take it off, right now!”

What Kobayashi didn’t realize was that the ‘maid outfit’ that Tohru was wearing was actually her scales. She could technically remove them if she wanted, but she had no such desire to expose herself in a public place, especially in front of that man. But Kobayashi was coming toward her with outstretched hands, looking ready to tear Tohru’s scales off by force if necessary.

There are two ways such a scenario could end: One, Tohru could let Kobayashi peel off her scales, thereby exposing herself to a whole bunch of humans that wasn’t her mate and would be forced to kill all of them to reclaim her honor. Or Tohru could choose not to peel her scales and Miss Kobayashi would fruitless tug at her “clothes” with no success, but she would aggressively keep trying until Tohru would have no choice but to defend herself. Neither option seemed good in Tohru’s opinion.

Luckily, the dragon maid noticed a third option literally in her hands.

“W-Wait, Miss Kobayshi!” Tohru shouted, holding up the dragon egg. “You can’t do that in front of Lucy! Think of what that kind of indecent exposure would do to her!”

Thank god, that actually seemed to work. Kobayashi physically froze up, her fingers just a foot away from Tohru’s dress. Her brain seemed to be working overtime to piece the information together. It was true that Lucy was an egg and Kobayashi had no idea how aware the baby dragon really was of her surroundings. But she had learned from a coworker who had a kid a few years back say that babies could hear things while in the womb. If the same were true for dragon eggs, she could potentially scar the kid for life….

Kobayashi quietly returned to seat, taking a long draft of her beer.

“I still say that the maid cosplay has been done to death,” said Kobayashi, surprisingly sobering up quickly, almost like magic.

Thank the nine circles of hell that worked, thought Tohru, exhaling an exhausted sigh as the two coworkers went back to their maid discussion, albeit in a much quieter tone. Humans are scary….

Kobayashi and Takiya went back and forth about maids for almost an hour before they finally decided to call it a night. It seemed that Lucy’s presence had encouraged the pair to drink in moderation, so they weren’t as sloshed as they normally liked. At the very least, Kobayashi was still conscious and able to stand on her feet (at least while she was leaning on Tohru.) The three of them were heading down from the street from the bar together, Tohru carrying Lucy in one hand while holding up Kobayashi with the other.

“Sorry about that, Tohru,” Takiya apologized. “Kobayashi and I go drinking because we like to debate about maids.”

“That’s an oddly specific topic,” Tohru commented, shooting him a sideways glance. “You know, just from looking at you, I would never think you acted like that.”

“True,” Takiya laughed. “As an undercover otaku, sharing my passions with someone else is a bit of a relief.”

“As long as they don’t get too passionate,” said Tohru, directing her gaze at Kobayashi, who at least had the decency to look ashamed.

“Yeah, sorry for losing my head back there, Tohru,” Kobayashi apologized. “Still getting used to the idea of a kid around the house. Guess I should cut back for a while….”

“Look at you being all domestic,” said Takiya jokingly.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Kobayashi groaned. “Ugh, I’m so tired…Tohru, take us home, will you? I don’t want to wait for the train.”

“You sure?” asked Tohru, surprised. “What about…?”

She shot a look at Takiya, who tilted his head.

“He’s cool,” said Kobayashi. “Hurry up already, I can barely walk straight….”

Tohru frowned, taking one last look at Takiya, before sighing in reluctance.

Takiya took a step back as the cosplaying maid suddenly glowed bright red and started growing. He craned his head back, jaw dropped, as the colossal green-scaled dragon standing in the middle of the empty street, practically wedged between the two buildings. The fantastical beast turned its head towards him, exhaling a plume of steam from its nostrils, its orange eyes focused on him. And Kobayashi was casually sitting on its back, holding the teal egg to her stomach with her usual ‘dead fish’ face.

The surprise on Takiya’s face only lasted a few seconds before he calmed down with a placid smile and a slight mirthful chuckle.

“Let’s just chalk this up to me drinking too much,” said Takiya.

“Probably for the best,” said Kobayashi nodded.

“Guess you life is getting a lot more interesting,” said Takiya humorously.

“That’s putting it mildly,” Kobayashi grumbled. “All right, Tohur, let’s go home.”

“Right away, Miss Kobayashi!” said Tohru cheerfully, taking a moment to perform the perception blocking spell on herself and her passengers. Takiya, of course, could still see and hear them. “Oh, and before I forget, Mr. Takiya.”

“Yeah?” Takiya chimed up.

“I hate you,” said Tohru casually.

“Yeah, I figured,” said Takiya jovially.

Tch, this man irritated her in a way that reminded Tohru of her mate. That just annoyed her even more.

Tohru flapped her wings, nearly bowling over Takiya with the gust they created, and took off into the night

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Miss Kobayashi, that hurts!” Tohru whined as the bespectacled human led her up the stairs by her ear.

“Tough toenails,” Kobayashi glowered. “I told you specifically to stay in the apartment so that you wouldn’t cause trouble. Instead, you followed me to work, threatened my friend, brought your kid into a bar (admittedly, I didn’t fight on that point), and used her as a shield.”

“But you were gonna strip me in front of all those people if I didn’t!” Tohru cried.

“…Okay, I’ll give you that one,” said Kobayashi. “But I’m still plenty mad about the other stuff! Honestly, you could stand to act more like your wife.”

When they reached the apartment, Kobayashi unlocked the door and pulled the dragon maid inside.

“We’re home!” Kobayashi announced.

Chapter Text

Tohru hummed a happy little tune under her breath as she stepped out onto the apartment balcony with a basket of freshly washed clothes under her arm. It was a bright and sunny day, which was the perfect time to hang laundry to dry! Not that they had much of a choice since Kobayashi only owned a washer and not a dryer. Tohru had offered to do it quick and fast with her dragon breath, but Kobayashi immediately vetoed the idea. Something about fire safety violation or some ridiculous human rule.

As Tohru hanged the clothes to dry one by one, she started thinking about the sudden shift in her family’s life. It was only about a week ago that Tohru almost died, nearly leave her mate and child alone in the human world, when Miss Kobayashi saved her and offered them a place to stay! Well, technically, she had been drunk at the time, but it worked out in the end! They had a nice cozy nest away from the Chaos and Order Factions and, most importantly, Miss Kobayashi! (And a nice couple humans they became a acquaintances with, but whatever.)

Tohru flapped Miss Kobayashi’s freshly washed work shirt, tilting her head curiously as a thought occurred to her.

“So human beings soil their clothes with bodily secretions that require them to wash their clothes?” said Tohru, letting out an amused snort. “What a primitive species…. Oh, there’s still a spot.”

There was a small, barely noticeable stain on the front of the shirt under the breast pocket. It was most likely spilled alcohol from Kobayashi and Takiya’s drunken maid escapade the other night. Tohru nonchalantly stuck out her tongue and licked the stain, which magically cleaned the spot so that it was white and sparkling.

“There, all better!” Tohru chimed cheerfully as she hanged the shirt on the rack.

She was unaware of Kobayashi watching her though the sliding her, mouth open in disgust.

Less than a minute later, Tohru was kneel on the floor like a student being disciplined. Kobayashi sat across from her, brow furrowed in displeasure with her arms crossed.

“I’ve said this before, so don’t make me say it again,” Kobayashi grimaced. “Please stop licking my laundry.”

“Would you prefer I lick you directly?” asked Tohru like it was completely normal. “Where would you like me to start?”

“NO LICKING AT ALL!” Kobayashi screamed shrilly. She took a deep breath, regaining her composure. “Although I have doubts about your habits, there’s a serious issue with the way you do laundry.”

“What? Did I do it wrong?” cried Tohru in shock.

“That’s putting it mildly,” Kobayashi sighed exasperatedly. “Go over the steps with me from beginning to end.”

“Well, first I use my clairvoyance to make certain your pockets are empty,” said Tohru, pressing her fingers to her head as she concentrated on remembering.

“Good.”

“Then I separate them by colors and appropriate detergents.”

“Okay, okay.”

“Then I wash the easily damaged fabrics in my mouth – “

“NO! NO! NO!” Kobayashi howled, jumping to her feet and looking down at the dragon maid, aghast. “That is clearly not the appropriate method! Elma, talk to your wife – “

She turned to the other draconic tenet in her apartment, who had been sitting on the couch. Kobayashi’s mouth fell open in revulsion as she witnessed Elma’s tongue stretch over a foot long, coiling around Lucy and slathering the egg in saliva. Elma looked up, noticed Kobayashi’s expression, and snapped her tongue back in her mouth.

“Did you need something, Miss Kobayashi?” asked Elma innocently.

“…What’re you doing?” asked Kobayashi after a moment’s pause.

“Giving Lucy a bath,” Elma answered plainly.

“With your tongue?”

"Dragon saliva produces an enzyme that removes dirt and stains,” explained Elma like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Dragons can keep themselves clean by licking themselves,” said Tohru, sitting down next to her mate and pulling Elma and Lucy in a sideways embrace. “Elma and I do it to each other all the time.”

That little tidbit caused Kobayashi’s brain to unintentionally create a raunchy mental image that required heavy pixilated censorship suitable for the current age rating.

“NOPE! NOPE! WE’RE NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD!” Kobayashi yelled at the ceiling. “WE’RE NOT THAT KIND OF SHOW!”

“You okay, Miss Kobayashi?” asked Elma, tilting her head at the human's strangeness.

“I’m fine,” Kobayashi reassured her, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Just…please do it normally. No licking whatsoever.”

“But that’s so inefficient,” Tohru complained.

“I don’t care!” Kobayashi snapped, making Tohru fall back in surprise. “I don’t want to live with the image of you licking my clothes!”

“I can clean your clothes, Miss Kobayashi!” Elma volunteered, whipping out her trident enthusiastically.

“Not unless I’m fighting the demon lord!” yelled Kobayashi. She took a another deep breath. “Since we’re on the topic of clothes, I wanted to talk to you two about something.”

“What about?” asked Tohru curiously, sitting up.

“It’s your clothes,” said Kobayashi, looking the dragon wives up and down critically. “Both of you keep wearing the same thing like you’re an anime characters (which you are.) You need to clean your clothes too, you know.”

“But these are our scales,” said Tohru.

“Wha – scales?” Kobayashi yelped, flabbergasted. “Are you for real?”

“Yes, they’re a part of me, so I’d rather not take them off,” said Tohru, suddenly recalling Kobayashi’s attempt to disrobe her the other night.

“Oh…then how do you clean – “ Kobayashi started to ask.

“We lick – “ Elma spouted before the bespectacled human cut her off.

“Nope, I get the picture!” shouted Kobayashi. “Well, I guess if those are your scales, there’s no real point in….”

Kobayashi looked hesitant for a moment as she reached behind her chair. After giving it a moment of thought, she pulled out three small bags – two of there were labeled for some shop called ‘House Keeper’ and the third and smallest one was from a place called ‘The Nest.’ She hesitantly gave them to the dragon wives.

“What’re these?” asked Elma, poking her head inside one bag like a curious kitten.

“I brought you some personal attire,” said Kobayashi, looking away shyly. Tohru pulled out something from ‘The Nest’ bag – it was a frilly baby-blue dress meant for an infant. “I also got some baby clothes for Lucy when she hatched. But if dragon clothes are their scales, then….”

“This is incredibly thoughtful! Thank you, Miss Kobayashi!” Elma yelled, practically in tears when she saw the baby dress. “Look at it, Tohru! Isn’t it the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen!”

“It would look perfect on Lucy!” Tohru gushed.

“You don’t even know what she looks like yet,” Kobayashi pointed.

“She’ll look cute regardless!” Tohru declared firmly. “Because you picked it out for her, Miss Kobayashi!”

“Oh, well, thanks…,” murmured Kobayashi, scratching her cheek sheepishly.

“But why the sudden gifts?” asked Elma.

“Well, you two have been doing a lot for me lately,” said Kobayashi, still not meeting their gaze out of embarrassment. “So this is a token of my gratitude or whatever.”

“I must repay this kindness!” said Tohru determinedly. “Do you want a sacrifice, Miss Kobayashi? I can offer you some of my fresh blood.”

“Why would you offer something like that?” cried Kobayashi.

“Yeah, stupid Tohru,” said Elma, shaking her head disapprovingly. “The perfect gift is obviously a pile of fresh cow meat.”

“Miss Kobayashi isn’t a pig like you, Elma,” Tohru growled at her wife.

“What did you say?” Elma sneered, getting up in Tohru’s face.

“You heard me, fatty!” Tohru snarled.

“Hey, no fighting!” Kobayashi demanded.

“Okay,” Tohru and Elma said in unison, going back to perfectly behaved dragons in the blink of an eye.

“That was easy,” said Kobayashi, sweat dropping. “Look, could you just try them on?”

“Okay!” the dragon wives agreed in synch.

Kobayashi waited patiently for a few minutes with Lucy in her lap while Tohru and Elma changed in her bedroom. They tried to change in front of her, but Kobayashi yelled at them – this isn’t that kind of show, after all! After a while, the dragon wives came out in their new clothes.

Kobayashi had gone with a  feminine pink blouse with a teal skirt that emphasized Tohru’s cute, womanly features, thought the dragon maid still kept the headband on. For Elma, she went in the opposite direction with a sporty look consisting of navy shorts, a white tank top, and a black undershirt that suited her slender and toned body. In Kobayashi’s personal opinion, she did a pretty good job.

“Well, what do you think?” asked Kobayashi hopefully.

“They look good,” said Tohru, “but…the chest feels so tight.”

Kobayashi grimaced when she realized that their new clothes made Tohru and Elma’s already gigantic breasts look even bigger than their original clothes. That’s when she realized her mistake: Kobayashi bought clothes in her size rather than consider that Tohru and Elma would be…bigger.

“Uh, Tohru…,” Kobayashi spoke nervously. “What cup size are you?”

“A D!” said Tohru brightly. “D for dragon!”

“I really want to punch you in the face,” Kobayashi said with a blank stare.

“WHY?!”

At the moment, Kobayashi’s eye wandered to the clock on the opposite wall and noticed it was a few minutes till 8 AM.

“Aw crap, I gotta go,” Kobayashi groaned. She collected her trench coat and bag, which had been helpfully laid out on the table by Elma, and started to head out. “All right, Tohru, use the internet to study up on appropriate human hygienic practices until I get home.”

“The inter-what?” Tohru parroted, tilting her head.

“Right, dragon,” Kobayashi sighed again.

She only had a few minutes to spare, so she quickly took Elma and Tohru to her computer room, which the dragon wives didn’t realize existed until now. She went over the basics of how a computer worked and internet search engines. So once Kobayashi left them to their own devices, Tohru used the search engine as Kobayashi showed her while Elma hovered over her shoulder. But even though they clicked various web links, they weren’t particularly processing the information.

“Do you understand any of this?” asked Tohru.

“Not really,” said Elma, frowning. “What’s a knife and fork? And why do humans need to use them to eat? That’s what hands are for.”

“Figures that’s the thing you’d worry about the most,” said Tohru, shaking her head at her mate. After a minute, she finally gave up and walked out to the hallway. “Maybe I’ll ask Fafnir to help me out.”

Like Elma did the other day, Tohru inscribed a magic circle (red as opposed to her mate’s blue) on the telephone, which would connect them to the other world. Tohru brought the phone to her ear and waited until she heard the click on the other side.

“Kill them.” the voice on the other end spoke immediately without prompt. Their words cast a dark aura like someone casting a curse. “Kill all who try to steal your treasure. Kill all who are suspect. Curse them with death. Curse their generations to come – “

Click!

“Well, he was no help,” said Tohru after setting the phone back on the receiver.

“What did you expect from a shut-in?” Elma remarked, giving her mate a dry look.

“Then who do you suggest?” Tohru snapped.

“What about that one friend of yours that sanctioned our union as mates,” said Elma. “The one that likes to laze around all day. What was her name again…?”

“Quetzalcoatl!” Tohru chirped happily. “She’s actually pretty knowledgeable about human stuff. Good thinking, Elma! See, you can be smart when you actually try.”

“Aw, thanks, I – Hey!” Elma shouted, realizing she had been insulted.

But Tohru ignored her wife’s indignation and made another call.

“Lucoa, hey!” Tohru greeted once the line clicked on the other side.

“Tohru?” a breezy voice answered in surprise. “You’re not dead.”

“Nope, still kicking!” said Tohru proudly.

“Are Elma and Lucy with you?” asked Lucoa.

“Yeah, everybody’s here,” said Tohru, sneaky as glance at her adorably pouty wife.

“That’s good to hear,” said Lucoa, sounding relieved across the phone. “So what’ve you been up to?”

“So blah, blah, blah – yada, yada, yada – “ Tohru babbled quickly because it would be too much of a hassle for the author to write down an entire review of everything that’s happened.

“Mh-Hmm,” Elma hummed. “Yeah, this doesn’t sound like a problem of clean or dirty.”

“What do you mean?” asked Tohru curiously.

“Well, you remember Nidhogg?” questioned Lucoa.

“The one who was always chewing on the roots of that tree?” said Tohru.

“Are you talking about Nidhogg!” Elma suddenly huffed. “That no good troublemaker!”

“Sounds like Elma remembers him,” Lucoa laughed. “Yeah, he was the one who was biting the World Tree. No matter how much Nidhogg’s poisonous fangs polluted the Yggdrasil, the goddesses purified so the tree stays clean. However….”

“Yeah?” chirped Tohru.

“What do you think happens to the spots he gnaws?” questioned Lucoa.

“Uh…if I remember right,” Tohru hummed thoughtfully, “it leaves something behind like a curse.”

“Yup, that’s it,” said Lucoa. “This…Miss Kobayashi you speak of is worried about that.”

“Of course!” Tohru said ecstatically. “Thank you very much for your help, Lucoa! Guess I’ll be going now – “

“Tohru,” Lucoa said suddenly, surprising the chaotic dragon by the change in tone. “Are you happy over there?”

Tohru consider the question for a smile…then smiled.

“Of course I am,” said Tohru. “I have my family and Miss Kobayashi. What more could I need?”

“That’s good to hear,” said Lucoa, her voice sounding much chirper before hanging up.

Something around noon, the clouds started to roll in. It looked like it was about to rain at any moment, but that wasn’t Tohru’s concern at the moment. The clothes hanging on the drying rack were still damp, having not gotten enough sunlight before the storm started to come in. The chaotic dragon leaned against the balcony railing, pouting at she glared up at the sky.

“At this rate, Miss Kobayashi’s laundry is never going to get dry,” Tohru huffed.

“Well  there’s nothing you can do about that,” Elma called from the kitchen, where she was giving Lucy another dunking session in a pot of boiling water. “It’s not like you can control the weather.”

“…Or can I?” said Tohru, a devilish grin on her lips.

Anxiety grew in Elma’s stomach as she heard the dark tone in her mate’s voice. She spun around as Tohru threw the damp clothes back inside the apartment along with the new clothes Kobayashi gave her, reverting back to her maid outfit. As she watched Tohru flip onto the roof, a thought occurred to her that made Elma gasp in fright.

“Tohru, don’t you even think about – “

But she was too late. Tohru had already shifted into her dragon (with perception blocking, of course) and breathed a fiery beam of death into the sky. The beam pierce the clouds, creating a gaping hole that stood out way too much and caught the attention of the humans on the ground. Even as Elma ran out onto the balcony and yelled at her to stop, Tohru shot a dozen more beams that blasted the stormy clouds away.

Within minutes, a crystal blue sky hanged over the city, the sun shining radiantly overhead.

Unfortunately for the dragon maid who would be heavily reprimanded later, Kobayashi also witnessed the strange phenomenon from  her office window after several co-workers pointed it out.

“Tohru…,” Kobayashi grimaced. “I swear, everything goes in one ear and out the other.”

But it wasn’t humans who noticed the anomaly. Somewhere in the city, a certain creature walked among the people in the streets, her appearance unassuming and easily overlooked. The creature stared up at the clear blue sky and pondered.

“I know that breath…,” they murmured. “They’re here…. They must be….”

Later that night, Kobayashi lectured Tohru and Elma about standing out too much (Elma cried the whole time because, for once, she was innocent.)

When it was time to go to bed, Kobayashi went to her room with the basket of fresh laundry after wishing the dragon wives good night. Kobayashi would never admit to this even if her life depended on it, but her work shirt was ten times cleaner than when she used to wash it herself. A part of her was almost tempted to allow Tohru to ‘mouthwash’ her clothes, but quickly squished the idea. Tohru went to bed cuddling her mate and daughter with a big smile and her tail coiled with Elma’s feeling quite proud of herself today.

But when she started to drift off to sleep…that’s when started hearing their voices again, cutting into her like a thousand holy swords piercing her scales.

“Heretic! How could you betray your own kind?”

“You’re a disgrace to the Chaos Faction!”

“You mated with an Order bitch? How could you stoop so low?”

“A child? You have a child? Disgusting!”

“That abomination is an affront to us all!”

“It’s very existence threatens the balance!”

“Kill it! Kill the bastard! Crush its shell and burn the fetus!”

“You are no daughter of mine….”

She felt a sharp pain in her side, feeling like she was going to die –

“Tohru.”

Tohru snapped her eyes open with a startled gasp. She had realized that she was sweating, her breath coming out in sharp pants, her heart hammering like a drum against her ribcage –

Then she felt Elma’s hand slide into her own, their fingers interlocking, and tightened her grip to reassure Tohru she was there. Tohru and Elma stared into each other’s eyes for several silent moments….Tohru leaned forward, pressing her face into her mate’s bosom as if to hide from the rest of the world. Elma merely embraced her wife protectively, their hands still linked together….

Chapter Text

It’s way too early for this crap, Kobayashi thought blearily as she stepped out of her bedroom first thing in the morning and witnessed the chaos that awaited her.

It was Sunday, which means it was her one day where Kobayashi could sleep as late as she wanted without consequence. Of course, being the responsible office worker that she was, she got up at seven o’clock same as always. Well, at least she could spend the rest of the day goofing off and doing whatever she wanted: read the newspaper (do newspapers even exist anymore?), watch TV (the local news, of course), and sort her clothes by color.

Yes, Kobayashi was aware that she had a very sad and pathetic existence.

But any plans she may have had were immediately thrown out the window when she looked in the kitchen and saw a black crater where her stove used to be. And seeing as how Tohru was kneeling on the floor, hanging her head remorsefully while being scolded by her wife, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what happened.

And so, after having Elma fix her stove and realizing Tohru incinerated all their food in one fell swoop, Kobayashi and the dragon family were heading to the market today.

“Geez, Tohru,” Kobayashi groaned. "I was going to do all the shopping at once when I got my paycheck tomorrow. What made you think starting a kitchen fire was a good idea?”

“It was more of an instinct than a plan,” said Tohru bashfully, carrying Lucy in one arm and multiple shopping bags in the other. As punishment, Kobayashi made her do all the heavy lifting (which really wasn’t much of a punishment considering dragons can lift over two hundred tons.)

“You know the stove makes fire, right?” said Kobayashi dryly.

“Yes, but I didn’t think it would be strong enough!” said Tohru.

“Strong enough for what, burning down the apartment?” said Kobayashi exasperatedly.

“It can’t be helped,” said Elma, shaking her head disapprovingly. “Tohru has always been dimwitted as long as I’ve known her. She too reckless and impulsive for her own good.”

“Well, at least I don’t stuff my face with junk food every minute of the day, you damn fatty!” Tohru retorted.

“It’s not junk food!” Elma retorted defensively, squashing her face against her wife’s “It’s proper nutrition needed to maintain the body – “

“Is that what you call those fifty bags of potato chips you left lying in the corner of the living room?” Tohru snapped.

“Wait, that was her?” Kobayashi gasped. She had obviously noticed the pile of empty bags next to the balcony door, but she had assumed that was her junk leftover from her bachelorette days. (Even though, technically, she is still a bachelorette.)

The married couple was still bickering back and forth as they crossed the street. As long as they didn’t break out into a fist fight, Kobayashi could mostly ignore them; she had grown strangely accustomed to their spats in a short period of time.

You know, now that I think about it, Kobayashi thought as she glanced sideways at the couple. Elma was pulling at Tohru’s cheek, but the Chaos dragon couldn’t retaliate because she was carrying Lucy, and just bared her pointed teeth in a snarl. This is the first time I’ve gone shopping in a while. Tohru’s been doing the bulk of the work, and Elma’s gone with her a few times. Probably not the best idea to let a couple dragons loose, but I haven’t seen any explosions lately, so maybe it’s not a total disaster.

They were passing Oborozuka Shopping District. Kobayashi kept going, but Tohru stopped in front of the street and watched the bespectacled woman in confusion.

“Wait, Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru called out, making the woman stop and turn around. “The shopping district is right there. Aren’t we going?”

“Huh?” said Kobayashi, confused. “I always pass here and go to the big department store down the street. Does that mean you’ve been going to the shopping district, Tohru?”

“Oh no, I always try to avoid it,” said Tohru, shaking her head. “That store unsettles me because it reminds me of a castle.”

“A castle?” Kobayashi parroted, now even more confused.

“Tohru’s had a deep hatred for castles ever since she got kicked out of Camelot,” Elma explained.

“Well, that’s unfortu – wait, Camelot!” Kobayashi exclaimed in shock. “You mean like Knights of the Round Tables and King Arthur and all that stuff? That’s real?”

“Well, it’s actually more like a oval, but round table has a better ring to it,” said Elma casually. “And Artie’s more of a queen than a king, so….”

“Is that supposed be a F*te reference?” asked Kobayashi, sweat dropping.

“That bitch was definitely making eyes at you!” Tohru told Elma, flashing her pointed teeth with a vicious snarl. “I should’ve killed her when I had the chance! Stupid holy magic!”

“Yes, yes, so you’ve said,” said Elma, waving her mate off.

“So you shop based on dragon PTSD,” Kobayashi commented as the three of them walked down the street, weaving between the other shoppers. “Good to know.”

“Well, it’s not only that,” said Tohru, calming down slightly. “The shopping district also reminds me of the local bazaars. Before I met Elma, I used to wander around between stores in disguise. And if the owner was also disguised as a human, even better.”

“Most of your standards are based on past experiences, aren’t they?” said Kobayashi. “Let’s start by picking up some fish.”

“Okay!” Tohru chirped while Elma seemed to wander off somewhere when Kobayashi wasn’t looking.

Their first stop was a little space called Toda Fresh Seafood, where over a dozen different types of fish were left out in display in boxes of ice to keep them from rotting. The man at the shop had been setting out a large tuna in one of the ice boxes when he noticed them approach. Kobayashi thought she would have to handle the interactions after remembering Tohru’s little debacle with the postman, but –

“Oh, Tohru!” the proprietor greeted the dragon maid happily, catching Kobayashi off guard. “Greet to see you!”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Toda,” Tohru answered pleasantly. Kobayashi stared at her, dumbfounded. “How’s the family?”

“Pretty good,” said Toda, smiling. “My youngest is starting to learn how to walk, so my wife is babyproofing the whole house. Can’t go two steps without finding something covered in bubble wrap.”

“Aw, they grow up so fast,” Tohru giggled.

“And how ‘bout you?” asked Toda. “Everything going all right with you and Elma? Lucy close to hatching yet?”

“Oh, you know, the usual,” said Tohru nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders. “Elma’s a pain in the ass, but I love her anyway. But i did feel Elma moving a little while ago, so she might be close to hatching.”

“That’s good, that’s good,” said Toda, nodding. It was at that moment he noticed Kobayashi, who suddenly jumped at the attention. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve been ignoring you. Are you a friend of Tohru’s?”

“No, she’s my master,” said Tohru proudly.

“H-Hello…,” Kobayashi stammered, surprisingly meek.

“Tohru’s a pretty funny character, huh?” Toda laughed. “We’ve got some good mackerel in today. Sound good?”

“Hmm…sounds good,” said Tohru, nodding. “Give me three of those and give me three dried jack mackerel.”

And so they bought the fist, and a a price much lower than what it would’ve been at the department store. Not only that, but Toda had also been kind enough to throw in a little something extra.

“He gave us another filet of mackerel,” said Kobayashi, flabbergasted.

“Isn’t that sweet of him?” Tohru giggled.

“Why and how are you friends with the fish monger?” Kobayashi questioned.

“Huh, we’re not friends,” said Tohru bluntly. “I was just pretending to be friendly, then they become friendly to me and let their guard down so that I can snag more free stuff.”

“The more I get to know you,” said Kobayashi, giving the dragon maid a blank star, “the more I start to realize how wicked you really are.”

“Oh, but Miss Kobayashi’s different!” Tohru declared happily. “Our feelings are mutual.”

“Very wicked indeed,” Kobayashi grumbled. She looked around and noticed the third member of their party was still missing. “Hey, where’d Elma go?”

Tohru just casually pointed ahead and Kobayashi noticed a small line of people were forming in front of a table that had been conspicuously set up in front of the Tatsuda Butchery. It took a moment for Kobayashi to realize that they were all shop owners and several of them were carrying plates of food with serious expressions on their faces. And the person they were lining up for was…Elma?!

The former priestess sophisticatedly wrapped a cloth around her neck like a bib, then picked up the knife and fork left on the table. She had an equally serious expression as the first man set a plate in front of her, which had a simple croquette like the ones you see in anime.

“What do you think of this, Master Elma?” asked the man, who Kobayashi was assuming Mr. Tatsuda.

“Master?” Kobayashi repeated, astonished.

Elma cut off a piece of the croquette like she was dining at a five-star restaurant and ate it. She took her time chewing it thoroughly, humming thoughtfully.

“This is a marked improvement, Mr. Tatsuda,” said Elma eloquently, which seemed completely out of character of her. “The meat is soft and tender, but not too soft that it becomes limp and soggy, while also allowing the juices to flow nicely with each bite. And I see you’ve changed the type of flour you used for the breading. However, you put too much emphasis on the meat, so the vegetables are noticeably lacking and you used a touch too much spice for the filling. Cut back on the coriander and put more garlic and onions.”

“Yes, Master Elma!” shouted Mr. Tatsuda, bowing at the waist.

“Is she a food critic now?” yelped Kobayashi.

This is weird, Kobayashi thought as she watched Tohru casually greeted people on one side while more store owners lined up to Elma begging for her expertise. These dragons are better at socializing than me!

Well, I suppose that’s to be expected from Elma. From what I know about her, she’s very pro-human for a dragon. But Tohru’s a different story. Always says patronizing things about humans like foolish, primitive, and inferior, but here she is getting along with us pathetic humans like a normal person, and she even seems to enjoy it. Maybe she doesn’t hate us after all.

“Didn’t mean to keep you waiting, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru after coming back from a quick with a supposed fortune teller.

“Nah, it’s fine,” said Kobayashi, shaking her head. “But about Elma….”

“Yeah, she’s pretty infamous among the local eateries,” said Tohru, sweat dropping as she watched her mate sample some takoyaki and offered her critique, which the vendor hastily wrote down on a notepad. “She’s always stuffing her face with something, but I guess that’s what makes her an excellent judge on food. She doesn’t come here often, but when she does, she always crowded by people looking for advice. She might be a while.”

“As long as she’s not casing trouble, I guess that’s fine,” said Kobayashi.

Come to think of it, I don’t really know much about these two, Kobayashi thought, staring at Tohru as she wandered over to a pastry shop. They’ve been living with me for a few weeks now and they barely say anything about their old lives. Maybe they’re avoiding it on purpose….

For a moment, Kobayashi briefly remembered her drunken escapade into the mountains where she discovered Tohru bleeding from a giant sword stuck in her side, Elma furiously protective of her mate while looking distressed.

Yeah, given the way we met, I’m guess it’s not a happy story. Well, I don’t have to ask them about it. We can start with something small.

“Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru called out, snapping the bespectacled woman out of her thoughts. “They’re having a sale on eclairs! Do you want? They’re so good when they’re fresh!”

“I guess having a little dessert before lunch wouldn’t be too bad,” said Kobayashi, walking up to the counter as the Patissier loaded up three eclairs into a bag.

“Did you know the world éclair translate to ‘flash of lightning’ in this country?” said Tohru interestingly.

“Yeah, it comes from the French, right?” said Kobayashi. “Speaking of lightning, are you related to the Norse God, Thor, by any chance? Your name closely resembles his.”

“I’ve only met Thor once, but he was a huge jerk, so we really didn’t get along,” said Tohru, grumbling. “Actually, my name comes from an author in this world. My parents told me he was a super powerful wizard that got bored of magic and decided to make it big as novelist. I heard his books became famous and they made movies about them.”

“Wizards have an awful lot of free time on their hands,” Kobayashi remarked.

A sudden, high-pitched scream nearly made Kobayashi jump out of her skin. The shriek came from a woman, who in turn was to a shabby-looking man running away with a handbag under his arm.

“Someone help! He’s got my purse!”  the woman cried.

“Huh, I guess purse snatchings really happen in real life,” Kobayashi commented listlessly.

“Should I get him, Miss Kobayashi?” Tohru asked her as casually as someone requesting to pass the salt.

“Huh, wha – “ Kobayashi sputtered. “You want to  catch him. I figured Elma would….” She cut herself off when Kobayashi realized the purse snatched ran right past Elma, who was too busy sampling a gyro to notice. “Never mind…. Well, all right, but only if you can keep everyone from finding out. Don’t let them know you’re a dragon.”

“Understood!” said Tohru with a cheerful salute. She then handed her shopping bags to Kobayashi. “Hold these for a moment, Miss Kobayashi.”

“Um, sure…,” said Kobayashi awkwardly, nearly tipping over when everything was unloaded on her. They didn’t buy that much, did they? She watched as Tohru stepped out into the middle of the street…then lifted her leg and reeled back Lucy like a pitcher getting ready to throw a fastball. “Wait, what’re you – “

Kobayashi couldn’t say anything in time as Tohru launched Lucy with enough force to break the sound barrier; the bespectacled woman’s jaw just about hit the floor. Even more shocking was that the other mother wasn’t remotely concerned about her child being hurtled like a cannonball and resumed her food tasting.

The purse snatcher had made it a considerable distance by now, looking back in confidence to see if anyone was chasing him. The last thing he saw was a glittering teal egg before it slammed him in the side of the head, instantly knocking him out cold. And while the thief collapsed to the ground, Lucy the Egg continued to fly under she was finally stopped by a solid concrete wall, lodging herself inside and making a miniature creature on the surface. All the shoppers in the district stared with a mixture of shocked and awed expression; Kobayashi was downright speechless.

Tohru, on the other hand, gave a thumbs-up and said “Good job, Lucy! Mama’s proud of you!”

“You idiot!” shouted Kobayashi, whacking the dragon maid over the head with their shopping.

“Ow! What was that for, Miss Kobayashi?” Tohru sniffled, rubbing her head.

“Why are you throwing your kid like she’s a football?” yelled Kobayashi.

“Oh, don’t worry, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru nonchalantly. “Dragon eggs shells are harder than diamonds. They’re almost impossible to break.”

“That’s not the issue here!” Kobayashi snapped.

Kobayashi threatened to give Tohru another whack when they were startled by the sound of cheering coming from all sides. It seemed like almost everyone in the shopping district had gathered around to celebrate Tohru (except for Elma, who was now in the process of sampling some decadent chocolate cake.)

“That was so amazing, Tohru!” Toda the fish monger complimented her, clapping the dragon maid’s shoulder.

“That was such an impressive throw!” said the purse snatching victim brightly. “I can’t believe how strong you are.”

“That was awesome, cosplay lady!” a random kid shouted.

Apparently, none of them batted an eye to the fact that Tohru threw a giant egg hard enough to break concrete, or that the egg was still intact. Kobayashi didn’t know if she should be relieved that their secret was safe, or concerned by everyone else’s ignorance.

“Well, I guess this is fine…,” Kobayashi sighed exasperatedly.

It was evening when they left the Oborozuka Shopping District. They pried Lucy out of the wall and completed their shopping while Elma finished up her impromptu food critique. The former priestess was apparently clueless about the events with the purse snatcher and asked why her child was wedged into concrete in the first place. Kobayashi was somewhat relieved that Elma scolded Tohru for using their daughter as a projectile and held on to the teal egg the entire way home, puffing her cheeks out in annoyance.

“Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad,” Tohru complained.

“You used my baby as a blunt weapon!” Elma shouted. “You’ve lost your egg-holding privileges for a week!”

“What? You can’t do that!” Tohru shouted indignantly.

“I laid her, I get to make the rules!” said Elma harshly.

“You can’t keep pulling that ‘I laid her’ card every time!” Tohru snarled. “Besides, it’s not like you were doing anything! You were too busy stuffing your face to notice a crook in plain sight!”

“That was – I was helping people!” Elma yelped, flustered. “They needed me!”

“By the nine rings of hell,” Tohru groaned, rolling her eyes, “this is just like what happened with those people who worshipped you!”

“It’s not the same at all!” Elma argued.

Kobayashi exhaled an exasperated sigh as she watched the dragon couple bickered back and forth. At the same time, she couldn’t smiling at the pair. They were clueless about what it meant to be ‘normal,’ but they were nice and they obviously loved each other in their own way. They certainly made Kobayashi’s life a lot more interesting. A little excitement wasn’t too bad, as long as they didn’t go overboard, Kobayashi thought.

However, much to Kobayashi’s despair, that excitement would reach a new level once they realized they were being followed by a little girl.

A little girl with horns and a fuzzy tail.

Bonus

Kobayashi watched Tohru’s tail flicker curiously as she watched the dragon maid fold laundry while Elma brought her a cup of coffee. The bespectacled woman remembered the former priestess ravenously devouring Tohru’s poisoned tail meat the first night they met.

“Hey, Elma, what’s Tohru’s tail like?” Kobayashi asked curiously.

“Oh, it’s moist and creamy,” Elma swooned, hands touching her cheeks as a bit of drool leaked out.

I don’t know if that’s meant to be sexual, Kobayashi thought, sweat dropping, but I’m too afraid to ask.

Chapter Text

Kobayashi was super bored.

Tohru and Elma had gone to the shopping again (or in Elma’s case, food critique.) They apparently forgot a few things after the purse snatcher incident and Tohru was insistent that they need some ingredients for dinner tonight (it was dragon tail stew - minus the dragon tail.) After what happened last time, there was no way Kobayashi was letting her walk out the door with Lucy. So the bespectacled human volunteered to babysit.

It wasn’t that difficult, mind you. She mostly just longue around, reading trashy gossip on her smart phone to pass the time. She balanced Lucy perfectly still on her stomach and just left her that way for no other reason than boredom. After finding nothing interesting on her phone, she set it down and engaged in a one-sided staring contest with Lucy.

“…So, how’s it going?” Kobayashi asked randomly.

“….” Surprisingly, the egg didn’t respond. Must be shy.

“Seen any good movies lately?”

“….”

“Any plans for the weekend?”

“….”

“…And I’m talking to an egg,” Kobayashi mumbled. “I’m so bored….”

Just then, the doorbell rang.

“Who could that be?” Kobayashi wondered aloud, setting Lucy aside and getting up. “A salesman? Do they even have door-to-door salesmen anymore?”

Kobayashi went to the door and opened it. She didn’t see anyone at first – at least no someone her height – but they she looked down. A little girl, looking around grade-school age, dressed up in, by Kobayashi’s description, "gothic lolita with a tribal theme." Kobayashi thought she might be a lost child at first…until she noticed the horns on her head and the fuzzy little tail swaying underneath her dress….

That’s the only reason she let this strange little girl in her house. Kobayashi sat in her chair across from the little girl who was kneeling on the floor, holding Lucy in her lap. It might have been Kobayashi’s imagination, but she got the feeling the girl was leering at the egg.

I ended up letting her into my house, Kobayashi thought, once again glancing at the horns and moving tail. Yeah, this girl has to be related to Tohru and Elma. She’s not exactly hiding that she’s a dragon, just like them. This just had to happen while both of them were out of the house. What am I supposed to do until they get back?

“Um…what’s your name?” Kobayashi asked the little girl.

The little girl turned her glare on Kobayashi instead, which surprised the bespectacled woman. But the first words that came out of her mouth were even more unexpected:

“You, give back Lucy, kidnapper!”

“…Huh?” Kobayashi muttered, dumbfounded. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you. What did you say?”

“I know the truth,” said the little girl. “You kidnapped Lucy and forced Lady Tohru to be your slave!”

“Lady?” Kobayashi repeated strangely.

“Give Lucy back, thief!” the little girl demanded, jumping to her feet. “You demon in glasses!”

“Okay, I think there’s a huge misunderstanding here,” Kobayashi grimaced. She did not want to have to deal with a  dragon child’s tantrum right now. “I didn’t kid – “

“Give her back!” the little girl shouted, reaching for the egg. Kobayashi immediately raised Lucy over her head, keeping it out of the girl’s reach. In retaliation, the girl started beating her tiny little hands on Kobayashi’s chest. The blows were surprisingly wimpy. “Give her back! Give back Lady Tohru’s baby!”

“Miss Kobayashi, we’re home – “

Kobayashi grimaced as the dragon wives walked through the door, Tohru carrying a full bag of groceries and Elma tearing apart are cartoonish slab of meat with her teeth. Looking at it from Tohru’s perspective, Kobayashi had another girl in her lap (she couldn’t see who because she was facing the back of their head.) This scene elicited a frantic cry from the dragon maid.

“Miss Kobayashi, how could you?” cried Tohru. “Is my body not enough for you? If it’s young girls you’re into, I can change myself!”

“This situation is already uncomfortable enough!” Kobayashi snapped. “Don’t make me out as some lolicon!”

“Isn’t that little Kanna?” Elma pointed out after swallowing a huge chunk of meat.

“Wait, really?” Tohru gasped, surprised. She leaned to the side to get a better look at the little girl. “Oh, you’re right, it is Kanna!”

“Lady Tohru,” said Kanna the dragon girl, her eyes lighting up at the dragon maid. The light quickly dimmed when she glanced towards Elma. “Oh, you’re still here, fatty.”

“Why are you always so mean to me?” cried Elma.

Once the situation had calmed down and Tohru put away the groceries, everyone resumed their places in the living room. Tohru and Elma sat on either side of Kanna, the latter holding her egg, her bountiful bosom resting on top of the shell. Already, Kobayashi noticed Kanna’s blatant favoritism towards Tohru as the little dragon girl edged closer to her maid while occasionally shooting glares at Elma. The former priestess puffed out her cheeks in a huff.

“This is Kanna Kamui,” Tohru introduced the girl to Kobayashi. “She’s a friend of mine.”

“I figured as much,” said Kobayashi.

“She’s not very friendly to me…,” Elma pouted.

“Fatty,” Kanna sniped sharply.

“I’m not fat!” screamed Elma.

“Hey, does Kanna have some sort of grudge against Elma or something?” Kobayashi leaned close to Tohru, whispering in her ear.

“Not really,” Tohru murmured back. “She’s at that age where dragons hoard things they like and get all super possessive about it. I was like that when I was her age. I used to collect all kinds of armor and broken weapons from my fallen enemies and got really mad when other dragon’s touched them.”

“I guess that’s not so different from human children – minus the blood and death,” Kobayashi commented, then turned back to Kanna. “So, Kanna, what brings you here?”

“Lady Tohru completely disappeared, so I came to find her,” explained Kanna.

“Completely disappeared?” said Kobayashi, surprised. “Tohru, you should communicate with your friends better than that.”

“I know,” said Tohru, hanging her head.

“In my defense,” Elma spoke up, “there are some very bad people who would come after us if they knew we were here, so we didn’t want word getting out.”

“Right, because of your from different factions,” said Kobayashi understandingly. “Still you should’ve at least told little Kanna you were all right.”

“I’m sorry,” Tohru apologized to Kanna. “Still, I’m surprised you found this place, Kanna. There shouldn’t have been any leads about us being in  this world.”

“I saw you breath fire on those clouds the other day,” said Kanna. “I sense your magic from it.”

“Ah, right….” Said Tohru sheepishly.

“That’s why I said not to do it, you idiot!” Elma yelled.

“How was I supposed to know someone would recognize my magic?” Tohru snapped back.

“Common sense?” snarled Elma.

“No fighting in the house,” Kobayashi groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. The dragon wives huffed and turned their heads away.

“Lady Tohru, why are dressed in that weird outfit?” asked Kanna curiously. “Why are you living in a place like this? Let’s go back home! I need you, Lady Tohru!”

Tohru was taken aback by her pleas, but turned her head away sharply, narrowing her eyes at something only she could see. A vivid memory appeared in the forefront of her mind; dozens of hate-filled voices ringing in her ears. She gripped the fabric (scales?) of her dress.

“I’m not going back,” said Tohru firmly.

“But…but why not?” asked Kanna sadly.

“Why…?” said Tohru slowly…then gestured to Kobayashi with a dramatic flair. “Because I am Miss Kobayashi’s eternally loyal maid!”

“Why did you have to say something like that?” Kobayashi groaned, already knowing where this was leading.

“I knew it!” shouted Kanna. “I saw you at the bazaar! Leading around Lady Tohru like a dog! Throwing poor Lucy at the wall! You demon!”

“That last one wasn’t even me,” said Kobayashi, sweat dropping. She glanced between Tohru and Elma for a moment, noticing that the former was whistling innocently, unable to meet her mate’s eye, while the latter shot Tohru a glare that would kill a normal person. “Yeah, definitely not me.”

“I’ll take Lady Tohru back,” said Kanna, a malevolently black aura surrounding her tiny body. “Even if it means I must kill you!”

“Now hold on a second – “

“DIE!!!” Kanna roared, reeling back her fists and throwing a punch at Kobayashi’s chest.

Kobayashi thought it felt like being hit by a marshmallow.

The adults in the room just stood by and watched Kanna feebly pound her tiny fists against Kobayashi’s stomach…then got tired and took a breather…then went back to fruitlessly trying to beat up Kobayashi. The bespectacled human didn’t know whether to stay still and let it happen or request a back massage.

“Kanna, what happened to you?” asked Tohru curiously. “You’re practically powerless.”

“Your power…is special…Lady Tohru…,” Kanna panted, holding a stitch in her side. “The mana purity is too low for me. There’s practically none in this world.”

That bit of information got Kobayashi thinking. If Kanna was practically powerless in this world, and she came specifically looking for Tohru, then did that mean the little girl had another motive beyond possessiveness. The gears grinded in her head, trying to imagine what Kanna would want Tohru to do for her…. And that’s when it clicked.

“Kanna, could it be that…you can’t get home?” asked Kobayashi.

That got quite the reaction from the little dragon, especially by the way her tail suddenly stiffened out, like she had been zapped.

“N-No!” Kanna denied, turning her head away from Kobayashi’s penetrative stare. “That’s not true! Shut up!”

“Is that right?” said Kobayashi slowly, looking like a wolf about the hunt a lamb. “Then does that mean you have somewhere to stay?” Another violent reaction. Kobayashi leaned in close, her eyes dark and serious. “Look me in the eyes and tell me.”

“Your dead-fish eyes are scary, Miss Kobayashi,” said Elma, shivering.

“Kanna, please tell us honestly what you’re planning,” said Tohru, sighing exasperatedly and shaking her head. “But if you’re after Miss Kobayashi, you need to give that up – “

“Tohru, shut up for a second,” Kobayashi interjected.

The adults waited in silence for Kanna’s answer. The dragon child sniffled, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, before she worked up the courage to respond.

“The…The truth is…,” said Kanna slowly. “I was exiled…for playing a trick.”

“Wait, that’s it?” said Kobayashi, flabbergasted. “You were banished here because of a stupid prank?”

“Kanna always loved playing practical jokes,” said Tohru. “Especially on Elma.”

“Putting hot coals in my shoes and dropping magma on my head isn’t what I would call practical,” Elma grumbled.

“So long story short,” said Kobayashi dryly, “it’s basically like getting kicked out of the house for misbehaving.”

“Ys, it’s pretty much like that,” said Tohru. “I’m sure her parents want her to reflect on her actions. It would be useless for me to send her back.”

“So right now she’s stuck in a new world all on her own,” said Kobayashi, looking pitifully at the sniffling child. “Just like you were.”

“That’s right,” said Elma, nodding solemnly. “But the difference is that we have our family. Kanna has no one on her side.”

Kobayashi stared at the dragon girl sitting silently on the floor, trying to hide how much she wanted to cry. It brought back flashes of memory to Kobayashi. Her parents loved her – she knew that – but they both worked jobs, which meant Kobayashi was usually home alone whenever she wasn’t in school. For Kobayashi, she had gotten used to in and didn’t particularly think of herself as sad or lonely. But Kanna was different – she was more emotional than Kobayashi was as a child. She obviously clung to Tohru as a desperate means of obtaining affection. If she were to send her away right now….

“….Kanna?” Kobayashi spoke in a soft voice, catching the little girl’s attention. “If you have nowhere to go, then would you want to stay here with us?”

Kanna gasped, her eyes shimmering with hope –

“Hold up!” Tohru complained with a dark aura of displeasure. You could practically hear the record scratching. “Why did it take you so much longer when you decided to let us stay, huh?”

“You’re a fully-grown married couple with a kid,” said Kobayashi bluntly. “She’s a little girl. Kind of a no-brainer.”

“That’s so cruel, Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru cried.

“It makes sense and I completely agree,” Elma joined in, “but that’s still harsh!”

“I…I don’t trust you humans!” said Kanna forcefully. “You must be plotting something! You just want to use me – “

The dragon girl’s accusations were cut short when Kobayashi laid her hand on Kanna’s head, rubbing it affectionately.

“You can’t trust anyone in an unknown world,” said Kobayashi neutrally. “That’s completely understandable. I wouldn’t trust anyone either. For me, I think a person has to earn trust. And that can only happen after you become friends or lovers.”

“That’s true,” said Tohru, affectionately pulling Elma into a loving hug, their tails coiling together. “I didn’t trust Elma at first because she was with a goody-two-shoes Harmony Dragon – “

“And I didn’t trust Tohru because she was a destructive Chaos Dragon,” said Elma, giving her mate a quick peck on the lips. “But we both learned to believe and appreciate each other over time. It wasn’t easy, and was had a lot of fights – “

“A lot of fights,” Tohru snickered, resting her forehead against Elma’s (avoiding the horn.) “But we eventually fell in love, and we have a baby girl on the way. I couldn’t be happier with how things turned out.

“Exactly,” said Kobayashi, smiling proudly at the genuine affection from the two mates. “Listen, Kanna, I’m not asking you to trust me right away, or expect us to be friends. But you can live here. That’s all.”

Kanna’s sniffles became more intense as several tears spilled down her cheeks, dripping onto the carpet, unable to hold back. Kobayashi said nothing. She just stayed where she was, rubbing the little girls head as she let it all out. Everyone waited patiently until Kanna managed a weak, almost inaudible, “Okay….”

Kobayashi smiled and continued to pet the child, content with staying there until Kanna was ready.

“Hey, Elma?” Tohru whispered softly to her mate.

“Yes, Tohru?” Elma replied.

“I’m really glad we came here,” said Tohru, smiling at the scene of Kobayashi and Kanna together.

Elma smiled as well, leaning her head on her mate’s shoulder, their eggs nestled between them, and said, “Me too….”

Bonus

Kobayashi and Kanna engaged in an intense stare down like you would see in old western movies. In Kobayashi’s hand was a single piece of chocolate. Kobayashi moved her hand to the right and Kanna’s eyes followed. She moved to the left and they followed again.

“All right, here it comes, Kanna,” Kobayashi warned.

Kanna got down on all fours, ready to pounce like a hungry lion. There was a short, tense pause in the room…then Kobayashi flicked the piece of chocolate through the air. Kanna lunged for the candy…when Elma suddenly dived in between and snatched up the chocolate with her mouth instead. The former priestess was so intent on capturing the sweet that she didn’t know how to stop herself and ended up crashing into the basket of freshly folded laundry. Clean clothes were sent flying everywhere, but Elma didn’t care. She looked so happy as she blissfully chewed the chocolate.

“Mmm, yummy!” said Elma happily.

“Elma, I just cleaned those!” Tohru screeched, spitting literal puffs of fire between each word.

Maybe we shouldn’t have done this indoors, Kobayashi thought as she watched Tohru berate her blissfully ignorant wife.

Meanwhile, Kanna snagged up the bag of chocolates Kobayashi had and made a run for it, eating entire handfuls.

Chapter Text

Kobayashi exhaled an exhausted sigh. She had just finished another monotonous eight-hour shift at work, which normally wouldn’t be so bad as she had been working there for close to five years now. But ever since Tohru and Elma walked into her life, the humdrum of everyday life was just so…boring. Kobayashi couldn’t believe she was saying this – and she certainly wouldn’t admit it out loud – but she looked forward to going home after work to see whatever crazy shenanigans they were getting up to.

And then there was the newest addition to the house – Kanna.

Kobayashi didn’t know how to feel about having a child in the house (not counting Lucy.) She was a twenty-five year-old single woman who has zero dating experience and no marriage prospects. And then – boom – she became a single mother overnight. Though Kanna was hardly like any children Kobayashi knew. Excluding their first meeting, she was polite and well-mannered (and she was easy to train with candy.) Kobayashi almost had a heart attack when she stuck her tail into the electrical outlet until Elma told her that Kanna was an electric dragon and needed to “plug-in” to restore her energy.

So she’s like a cellphone, Kobayashi thought.

Kobayashi had no trouble letting Kanna stay with them, but it was hard not to notice how crowded her apartment had become. She should consider looking into a bigger apartment. But that was for another time….

“I’m home – “ Kobayashi called as she walked through the front door.

Her greetings were cut short when Elma’s trident suddenly flew out of nowhere and stabbed the wall beside her. Kobayashi fell back with a startled yelp, falling on her butt. Kobayashi rubbed her neck, a dreadful shadow over her eyes when she realized how close she came to death.

Kanna casually skipped to the door and greeted her, “Welcome home, Miss Kobayashi.”

“Kanna, what’s going on?” shouted Kobayashi in a panic, pointing at the trident. “Why was I almost turned into a kabob?”

“Lady Tohru and fatty are fighting,” said Kanna plainly.

Oh yeah, Kanna still didn’t like Elma out of child possessiveness, even though she was okay with Kobayashi – NO, WAIT! NOW’S NOT THE TIME FOR THAT!

Kobayashi scrambled to her feet and ran into the living room where she found the dragons wives gripping each other’s hands, trying to push one another back. Tohru had her claws and teeth out in full force and Elma’s horn sparked dangerously. Both dragons were giving off dangerously powerful auras (red for Tohru and blue for Elma.) It looked like a scene out of Dr*gon B*ll.

Thankfully, Lucy was sitting on her little plush pillow Kobayashi bought on the table, away from her fuming mothers.

“That was mine!” Elma roared. “You had no right to take it!”

“You can’t just keep it to yourself!” Tohru snarled. “Did you ever consider that other people might want it?”

“Then you should’ve asked instead of going behind my back!”

“How am I supposed to get a word in where you keep stuffing your face every second of the day?”

“I don’t do that!”

“You’re eating a donut right now!”

It’s true; Elma had a half-eaten donut in her mouth.

Despite how dangerous the situation was – despite the fact that it was two crazy-powerful, world-ending dragons – Kobayashi boldly stepped forward…and punched them in their faces, yelling, “KNOCK IT OFF!” Tohru and Elma were caught off-guard; there claws and teeth retracted as they dropped to their knees, holding the throbbing cheeks.

“Miss Kobayashi!” cried Tohru childishly. “That was mean!”

“Don’t care,” said Kobayashi harshly. “I’m not having two dragons destroy the apartment because of some marital spat.”

“But you don’t understand, Miss Kobayashi!” said Elma, jumping to her feet and pointing at her mate, fuming. “You don’t understand what this…this monster did to me!”

“Who’re you calling a monster, pig?” Tohru snapped.

“Both of you, shut up!” Kobayashi commanded in her most authoritative voice. Surprisingly, the dragons obediently obliged. “Huh, that was easy. Now, Elma, please explain to me what happened.”

“It was horrible, Miss Kobayashi,” Elma sniffled dramatically. “I was just coming from a walk with Lucy. But when I walked in, I caught Tohru with…with….”

“With…?” Kobayashi repeated slowly, her mind running through the different possible scenarios and one came to mind that would make Elma so upset. Was…Was Tohru cheating on her?

“I caught her with…my limited-edition caramel-chocolate pudding!” Elma cried.

“…Huh?” Kobayashi muttered, dumbfounded.

“I was saving that pudding for a special occasion!” said Elma weepily. “And Tohru ate the whole thing by herself! She didn’t even share any!”

“You can just get another one!” Tohru shouted, crossing her arms and turning her head. “It’s not like Momoka from the bakery won’t make another one for you.”

“But that one was special-edition!” Elma whined.

Kobayashi touched her head with a groan. She should’ve known not to take these dragons seriously.

“Look, if you’re going to fight, then take it somewhere else,” said Kobayashi. “Somewhere far away where no one’ll get hurt. I don’t need you blowing up the city.”

“Good idea, Miss Kobayashi!” said Tohru brightly, then glared at her wife. “Let’s settle this the old fashion way, Elma”

“Ready whenever you are, Tohru,” said Elma challengingly.

“Thank god that’s over,” said Kobayashi, exhaling a relieved sigh. “Glad I don’t have to deal with this mess.”

“WHY AM I GETTING DRAGGED ALONG!” Kobayashi screamed as she was being carried in Tohru’s claw.

Against Kobayashi’s wishes, the dragon maid had grabbed Kobayashi and not only carted her away from the city, but out of the country as well! They had left Japan over half an hour ago, going at what felt like a thousand miles an hour, and were gliding hundreds of feet over the Pacific. Wherever it was they were heading, it must have been on the opposite side of the world as the night sky gradually converted into daytime.

This was not how Kobayashi had imagined spending her evening. But, on the interesting side, she did get to see Elma and Kanna in their natural dragons forms.

As to be expected of a water dragon, Elma looked like a giant blue sea serpent with an enlarged version of her wiggly horn and her trident formed the base of her tail. In terms of length, she was twice the size of Tohru. Kanna was easily the smallest of the three, as to be expected, with beautiful white feathers covering her body instead of scales like Tohru.

Before Kobayashi knew it, they were suddenly shooting down and coming to a landing. Tohru let go of Kobayashi, who wobbled unsteadily on her feet, while the three dragons changed to their humanoid forms. Once she was certain she wasn’t about to throw up, Kobayashi took a quick look around where they ended up.

They were standing on a grassy highland seemingly in the middle of nowhere. There was nothing except for a few mountains hundreds of miles away. Koabayshi stood stock still, staring blankly ahead.

“Uh…where are we?” asked Kobayashi unsettlingly.

“I dunno,” answered Tohru unhelpfully. “I landed in the first big field I saw that looked pleasant.”

“Kanna, could you hold on to Lucy?” Elma requested, offering her egg to the smallest dragon. “Keep her safe, all right. It’s your job as the big sister.”

“Okay,” Kanna agreed with a tiny salute.

“Well, as long as you’re not causing any trouble for anyone,” said Kobayashi, turning around and walking with Kanna away from the draconic wives. “Just make sure you don’t go overboard. I’m gonna sleep off the fatigue from my deathma – “

BOOM!

The sudden shockwave the erupted behind Kobayashi knocked the bespectacled woman off her feet, throwing her into the grass. Kanna, on the other hand, remained upright while holding Lucy in her little arms. Kobayashi flipped around, startled, to see that Tohru and Elma were going at it for real.

Tohru’s fist connected with Elma’s trident – sparks flying and the air pressure bursting from the contact. Suddenly, Elma pulled away, letting Tohru tumble forward, and dropped her trident on top of her wife’s head. The ground was ripped apart, creating a massive chasm in the middle of the field. Though Elma emerged from the dust cloud that kicked up, Tohru was nowhere to be seen. It was likely that she was somewhere down in the chasm.

“Holy crap, are they for real?” Kobayashi gapped.

“Last time Lady Tohru and Elma fought like this,” said Kanna apathetically, “they destroyed three whole islands.”

Kobayashi remembered hearing about something like that from Elma. That was real?!

“All this over a pudding?” Kobayashi yelped.

“It was limited-edition,” Kanna pointed out.

“Not helping!”

Back on the battlefield, Elma stepped forward and dropping into the chasm she created, dropping like a lead weight. As she descended into the abyss, she saw the glow of flames in the darkness before she was engulfed in Tohru’s deadly breath attack. But the former priestess seemed impervious to the blast, continuing to fall until she landed on top of her mate, at which point she slammed the butt of her trident down on Tohru’s head, burying her head into the bedrock, and unintentionally sending her breath into the magma below the planet’s mantle.

For a moment, victory seemed all but assured. Then, Tohru snapped her head up and blasted her wife at pointblank range, catapulting the water dragon out of the chasm, across the field, and into the nearby ocean. Elma recovered quickly once submerged in her element, swimming to the surface like a sailfish, and leapt out of the water, carrying with her six streams of water in her wake.

Tohru had climbed to the surface and was waiting for Elma went the former priestess came flying back. As they were about to clash again, the earth erupted beneath them, spewing lava into the air like a volcano due to the reaction to Tohru’s breath earlier.

Kobayashi shouted and flailed as she dodged the flying fire rocks; Kanna remained impassive as she casually flicked the magma away.

Then, just as quickly as it began, the lava suddenly stopped. Kobayashi wasn’t sure how it happened, but in an instant, the magma was rapidly cooled and turned into smooth black rock in the shape of a jagged bowl. Elma stood in the middle of the formation, likely the cause. Tohru erupted out of the black rock a moment later and flew at her wife with an animalistic snarl.

The two exchanged quick and precise blows, deftly blocking and dodging each other at the right time. Tohru and Elma knew virtually everything about each other, right down to their breathing. It was to be expected that they would be perfectly equal in every regard. That was until Tohru slipped up and tripped on a loose rock, causing her to fall forward. Elma was quick to take advantage and grabbed her mate by the face, slamming Tohru down with enough force to create another crater within the crater. Elma raised her trident to prepare the finishing blow when Tohru’s tail whipped out and slapped her from the side, flinging her into the obsidian wall and crashing her straight through it.

Elma righted herself and dug her feet into the two, making two long trenches before she stopped. The former priestess twirled her staff and created a magic circle as her wife came surging forward. Thousands of glowing bubbles burst from the magic circle, forcing Tohru to ground herself and quickly fly out of the way. Elma followed her and the bubble barrage traveled with her, coming dangerously close to hitting the chaotic dragon (and nearly hitting Kobayashi and Kanna, who dived to the ground.)

Tohru eventually ducked to the ground, slamming both her fists into the grass. The strike upended a huge chuck of the Earth, which caught Elma by surprise as she was catapulted into the air. She didn’t have a chance to correct herself before Tohru shot up like a rocket, tackling her mate, and slamming both of them in the ground, changing the landscape once again.

And then silence….

For several tense, discomforting moments, everything had appeared calm. Kobayashi unsteadily got to her feet (Kanna had no such problem) and walked over to the new hole in the ground to see what had happened. Kobayashi assumed the worst and thought the battle had ended because one of them had finally been too hurt to continue, or worse. As the approached the edge, she realized the real reason was…

They were making out.

Tohru was on top of her wife, her mouth practically glued to Elma’s, the two of them moaning amorously. Their hands were gripping each other tightly, as if trying to merge together, their tails coiled together and wagging slowly.

Kobayashi was stunned into silence.

Tohru separated her wife with a gasping breath and stared down at her lover softly.

“I’m sorry I ate your pudding without asking,” Tohru apologized.

“I’m sorry I overreacted,” Elma apologized in return.

“I’ll make you a new pudding when we get home,” Tohru promised.

“We can share it,” Elma offered.

And then they went back to kissing again.

“Yay, they’re friends again!” said Kanna with a little one-handed cheer.

“I’ll never understand couples,” Kobayashi mumbled exasperatedly.

A-a-a-a-and, the clothes were coming off – Kobayashi quickly slapped her hand over Kanna’s eyes.

“Hey, why’s it dark?” asked Kanna curiously.

“C’mon, Kanna, let’s go home,” said Kobayashi tiredly, leading the dragon child away from the amorous couple. “Tohru and Elma can find their own way back….”

The dragon wives didn’t return until the next morning, their hair disheveled and wearing each other’s clothes (scales?), but overall looked satisfied.

Chapter Text

The day started out normal – almost too normal in Kobayashi’s opinion. That was the first sign that something suspicious a afoot.

Like any other day, Kobayashi woke up at the predetermined time and was greeted to a fresh cup of coffee on the table courtesy of Tohru. The dragon maid was in the kitchen, all grins and giggles as she stirred a pot of something on the stove with little anime hearts flying over her head. Naturally, Kobayashi was curious and decided to take a peak over Tohru’s shoulder. She would immediately come to regret it when she saw the glowing purple…goop(?) There was no way that was safe for human consumption. That’s not getting into the fact that none of the ingredients she was using came from this world, such a parsnip-shaped creatures with faces being pickled in a jar.

Kobayashi probably should’ve said something, but she figured there was no point in trying. Whatever Tohru was up to, she wasn’t going to stop. It was better to just ignore it and go back to her coffee.

She took a seat at the table and took notice of the newest resident of the household, who was firmly glued to the television screen like she was hypnotized. Makes sense, Kobayashi thought. Kanna was still new to their world, so she was interested in learning more about humans and their cultures. Letting her watch TV was a much safer option than letting her browse freely through the internet where she might come across some…depraved images (You know who you are!) Though it was an odd sight to see a little girl more interested in the morning news than cartoons.

Kobayashi took a sip of her coffee. Not bad. Tohru had definitely improved in a short time, but she still preferred the way Elma made it.

Speaking of, Kobayashi finally realized that their little family was missing a member (two, if eggs count as family members.)

“Tohru, where’s Elma?” asked Kobayashi curiously.

“She went to go for a check-up with Lucoa,” Tohru replied, smiling over her shoulder.

“Lucoa?” Kobayashi repeated. She felt like either Tohru or Elma mentioned that name before, but she couldn’t remember where. “Who’s that?”

“Oh, that’s right, you never met her before,” said Tohru, just realizing the fact. “Lucoa is short for Quetzalcoatl. She’s a former goddess and an old friend of ours. Turns out she’s been visiting this world a lot recently.”

“What do you mean ‘former goddess?’” asked Kobayashi curiously. She wasn’t even going to bother with the fact that a literal goddess (former or otherwise) would be casually visiting Japan in her spare time. With three dragons living in her cramped apartment, nothing surprised her anymore.

“Well, she was stripped of her title after she drank some curse liquor and slept with her little sister,” Tohru replied casually.

“The life of a deity is a harsh one,” said Kobayashi, sweatdropping “So why is Elma visiting her?”

“Lucoa is fertility goddess,” said Tohru. “Well, technically, it’s for crop fertility, but Lucoa’s mom is patroness of life, so she’s very good with kids. Especially dragon eggs. Elma went to get Lucy checked out to make sure nothing was wrong.”

“Ah, so she’s like a pediatrician,” said Kobayashi understandingly. “Good to know.”

“Kobayashi,” Kanna’s small voice attracted their attention. The little dragon’s face was literally pressed against the TV, which was showing a news report of several decorative chocolates. “There’s so much chocolate.”

“Ah, that’s because it’s Valentine’s Day,” said Kobayashi, tilting her head to read the news titles, which said ‘Valentine’s Special.’ “Everything’s been so crazy around here, I completely lost track of the date.”

“What’s Valentine’s Day?” asked Kanna curiously.

“It’s a day where you give chocolate to the people you like,” said Kobayashi. There was a lot more to it than that, Kobayashi thought, but best to keep it simple with a child.

“Kanna likes Kobayashi!” Kanna shouted, raising her hands energetically. “Kobayashi gives Kanna chocolates?”

“I think you got the order wrong,” Kobayashi chuckled. “But sure, I’ll pick up some chocolate on the way home.”

“Yay!”

“What about you, Tohru?” Kobayashi asked the dragon maid, who was pouring her toxic sludge (?) into a bowl and setting it to chill in the freezer. “Anything planned for you and Elma today.”

“I’m so glad you asked, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru with a devious grin. “As it just so happens, I’m in the final stages of making the ultimate chocolate for my mate!”

“That was chocolate?” asked Kobayashi, jaw slack in horror. She knew Elma was a food junkie, but even she wouldn’t eat something so clearly poisonous…right?

“I stayed up all night studying your human methods of crating chocolate,” said Tohru, looking smug, “gathering all the best ingredients for the tastiest chocolate possible. Including some very plump Mandragora that killed over a hundred people.”

“Don’t put creepy things in other people’s food!” Kobayashi snapped.

“But the true centerpieces…is this!” Tohru reached into her cleavage (unintentionally pissing off Kobayashi) and pulled out a heart-shaped bottle. “This powerful love potion I brought from a shady merchant in the other world.”

“Why would you need a love potion?” asked Kobayashi with a blank stare. “You two are already disgustingly glued together.”

“Silly Kobayashi,” Tohru chortled like a manga villain. “This isn’t just any love potion – it’s a highly concentrated aphrodisiac. One taste of this, and Elma will ravage my body from morning till night – “

Kobayashi mysteriously pulled out a baseball back she had stashed underneath the table and gave Tohru a solid bonk on the head.

“Owie!” Tohru whined, her hands flying to the swelling on her noggin.

“No horny,” said Kobayashi strictly, shadows falling over her eyes. “Listen, I don’t care what you two get up to in your private time, but take into consideration that other people live in this apartment. And that includes a child. And impressionable child that looks to us for guidance and understanding. Now imagine what would go through that child’s head if she were to witness such a depraved act.”

Tohru was starting to sweat as Kobayashi’s tone entered dangerous territory.

“But that’s not going to happen…,” said Kobayashi, rounding to the dragon maid and penetrating her with an evil stare that could made the gods tremble in fear. “Is it, Tohru?”

“N-n-n-n-n-n-n-no, ma’am!” Tohru squeaked, her whole body trembling.

“Glad you understand,” said Kobayashi, returning to her natural state and taking a sip of her coffee. She rose from her chair and made her way to the door. “Okay, I’m off to work. Remember what I said, Tohru.”

“Yes, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru, laughing nervously as she waved good-bye. “Have a good day.”

“Bye-Bye,” Kanna waved lazily.

Tohru waited until Kobayashi was out the door, then clenched her fist and bit down on her tongue.

“Damn it!” Tohru cursed. “Doesn’t she know how hard it was to get my hands on that Mandragora? Well, the chocolate’s already cooling, so it’s too late to turn back now…. Miss Kobayashi said we can’t do that in the apartment, so maybe we can do it somewhere else.” She perked up again, suddenly energized. “Yeah! We could totally spend Valentine’s outside the apartment! Somewhere far away from humans! Then Elma and I can have all the fun we want. Fufufu, I’m so smart.”

It seemed even the office was not free of Valentine’s effect. More than once, she had seen a few people going around the office passing out boxes of chocolates to their-co-workers. They were mostly friendship or gratitude chocolates, but at least one or two people (mostly woman) gave theirs with bright faces and school girl giggles. Even Yamashita brought an entire box he received from his family in Hokkaido to share.

“Takiya, did you get any this year?” Kobayashi asked her neighbor curiously.

“Just two,” Takiya replied nonchalantly.

“As popular as ever, I see,” said Kobayashi jokingly.

“Kobayashi,” The bespectacled woman looked form her desk. One of her programming co-workers – Yoshiko or something – came up to her offering a little box. “Thanks for always helping me out. This is for you.”

“Thank you,” said Kobayashi, accepting the gift graciously.

“And these are from me.” Another co-worker – Nanami, she believed – gave her a bag of chocolate muffins.

“I got some, too!” another energetic co-work offered her another box of chocolates.

One by one, other people from around the office stared pilling on Valentine’s gifts until Kobayashi’s desk was cluttered with them. She was grateful for their offers, but it made it difficult to reach the keyboard now.

“Another big haul again this year,” said Kobayashi exasperatedly.

“Are you that surprised?” said Takiya, chuckling good-naturedly. “This is their way of saying thanks for all the hard work you do. You’ve helped a lot of people out.”

“It’s not like I do it expecting anything in return,” said Kobayashi, pushing the chocolate gifts to one side. “Well, it’s not like I didn’t bring anything myself to share.”

“Really?” asked Takiya, surprised. “That’s unusual.”

His expectation immediately took a nosedive when Kobayashi pulled out a bag of economic-sized chocolates and wrote one a sticky note telling people to take one like it was Halloween. Even worse, statistically speaking, even if people only took one, there wasn’t enough for the whole office. Takiya gave Kobayashi a stare that was equal parts disappointed and dumbfounded.

“You should know not to get your hopes up with me,” said Kobayashi plainly, going straight back to her work.

Tohru wiped the imaginary sweat from herself, putting her fists on her hips and puffing out her (large) breasts in pride. Her Valentine’s chocolate for her wife was had come out perfectly (if you ignored the translucent purple aura and the squiggly anime lines of evil radiating from it.) She had even molded it into a little heart like those inferior humans do it (though it irked her that it wasn’t anatomically correct.)

It was almost five and Elma still hadn’t come back yet from her meeting with Lucoa. Knowing her mate, she probably got distracted with food on the way home. Oh well, that just gave her more time to get things ready for their…playtime tonight.

“Hmm…what else besides chocolate would set the mood?” Tohru hummed out loud. “Maybe…a picnic like in those romance mangas. Yeah, a candlelit chocolate feast under the stars is just the thing!”

Tohru gathered her scarf and shopping bag. She found Kanna sitting glued on the TV watching a grainy old film about a man in an ugly top hat dancing like an idiot in front of a chocolate waterfall. Tohru will never understand a human’s idea of entertainment.

“Kanna,” Tohru called for her attention. “I’m going out shopping for a few things, so keep an eye on the house.”

“Okay…,” said Kanna lazily. Tohru left the house and Kanna went back to watching the movie about a factory filled with chocolate. Seeing so much chocolate on the screen, however, gave her a huge craving. “…I want some chocolate.”

But where could she acquire this elusive chocolate? She wasn’t allowed to leave the apartment on her own yet. Maybe there was some in the fridge….

The little dragon searched the magical freezing box, but there was nothing that looked like chocolate. Kanna pouted as she closed the door, really wanting a bite of chocolate, when she noticed something on the counter as she walked away. It looked like chocolate (again, ignoring the evil aura surrounding it) and when she gave it a quick sniff, it smelled super sweet. Chocolate was sweet, right? This must be chocolate!

Kanna carried Tohru’s confection to the living room and began to nibble on it like a gerbil, going back to watching the chocolate movie. She was halfway through nibbling the sweet treat when the front door opened and Kobayashi’s voice traveled down the hall.

“I’m home,” said Kobayashi. She walked into the living area and noticed that Kanna was the only person (dragon?) present. “Huh? Where’s Tohru? Is Elma still not back yet?”

“Shopping,” Kanna answered simply.

“This late?” said Kobayashi, dumping her bag on a chair. “What in the world is that girl up to. On second thought, I don’t want to know. Are you eating chocolate, Kanna?”

“Yeah,” said Kanna, nodding. She offered the uneaten half of the large chocolate heart. “Do you want some, Miss Kobayashi?”

I swear that chocolate look familiar for some reason, Kobayashi thought suspiciously. I guess if Kanna’s eating it, then it must be safe.

With that in mind, Kobayashi took a large bite out of the chocolate – almost half, surprisingly.

“Mmm, this is pretty – “

It happened all too quickly. All of a sudden and without warning, Kobayashi felt a strange heat building up in her chest that quickly spread to the rest of her body like a wildfire. Her heart a thumping painfully against her ribcage, her vision blurring like he a drunk.

Huh? What’s this? Kobayashi thought sluggishly. Something’s not right. What’s going on?

Kobayashi, are you okay?” Kanna asked innocently.

Kobayashi looked down at Kanna with a startled gasp. For some reason, Kanna seemed unnaturally pretty right no – she was practically sparkling like in those love scenes in romance anime. The heat in Kobayashi’s body flared up as Kanna innocently climbed into her lap.

“Your face I all red, Kobayashi?” asked Kanna, pressing her forehead against the bespectacled woman’s. “Do you have a fever?”

“C-Crap…,” Kobayashi cursed, shakily pushing the little dragon away. “K-Kanna, where did you get that chocolate…?”

“I found it in the kitchen,” answered Kanna.

#$%, I messed up big time, Kobayashi screamed. She already knew what it was: Tohru’s aphrodisiac-laced chocolate! That explain why her body felt so hot…and the unholy, impure thoughts ruthlessly infecting her mind. Crap, this is bad. I think I’m about to lay my hands on a pure and innocent little girl. I’m scum! Pure scum!

It took all the willpower in her body to finally push Kanna off her lap and stand up straight, sluggishly making her way to the bedroom.

“Kanna, I’m not feeling so great…,” said Kobayashi through gritted teeth. “I think I’m gonna go lie down for a little while….”

“Okay,” said Kanna, not really understanding why the office worker was acting so weird. Thank whatever gods exist (don’t tell Tohru I said that) she had a short attention span and went back to watching the movie.

Kobayashi managed to flee to her bedroom without incident. She quickly disrobed into her underclothes and crawled under the bed, groaning as the heat from her body refused to go away. If anything, it was getting worse. Sweat was flooding every pore in her body, making the bed and cover wet and sticky. It was uncomfortable – agonizing torture.

“Damn you, Tohru…,” Kobayashi moaned, wiping her brow with her sleeve. “Why did she have to do this on Valentine’s Day? I never have any luck with romance, so I just wanted to let this day pass in peace. Just like last year…peaceful…all alone….”

Alone…. For some reason that made her chest twinge uncomfortably, but Kobayashi wasn’t sure that had anything to do with the aphrodisiac. Kobayashi was no stranger to being alone – whether it was with family, friends, or relationship, she had typically always been by herself. It was nothing new; it was something she expected to last her lifetime….

So why did it hurt to think about now.

The answer was obvious: Tohru, Elma, and Kanna (and Lucy the Egg) They all butted into her life in such a short period of time and no he a having difficulty imagining her apartment ever being quiet again. Her chest ached again when he thought of Tohru and Elma. The two of them – though divided by faction – love each other completely and without shame, always flaunting their marriage right in front of her. It pissed her off, if Kobayashi was honest, but not in the way she expected.

“Huh…,” Kobayashi mumbled to herself, her hazy mind finally clear for a moment. “I think…I’m jealous of Tohru and Elma. Is it…because I want what they have? If…If I said so…would they…?”

Her train of thought was derailed when she heard thunderous footfalls in the living area. She winced from the brightness of the door opening as Tohru came trampling in, looking alarmed.

“Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru screamed, slamming the door behind her and running to Kobayashi’s bedside. “Miss Kobayashi, I heard you weren’t feeling well! Are you sick? Do you need medicine? Shall I make a blood sacrifice for your health?”

“Ah…,” Kobayashi exhaled a tired sigh. “It’s because I ate your weird chocolate.”

Tohru’s eyes went wide. She made that chocolate with a dragon’s body in mind. That meant it required three times as much aphrodisiac to have any affect. If Kobayashi, a puny human, consumed it, then it was a miracle she was showing so much restraint!

The dragon maid leaned back with a fright as Kobayashi threw off the cover and sat on the side of her bed, facing Tohru properly. She a staring intensely at Tohru with her dead-fish eyes.

“M-Miss Kobayashi, wait!” Tohru sputtered. “I know I said you could ravage my body a repayment, but you’re not in your right mind now! It wouldn’t feel right to – “

“All wrong…,” Kobayashi mumbled.

“Huh?”

“Your maid outfit…IS ALL WRONG!!” Kobayashi suddenly screamed, picking up Tohru by the collar with inhuman strength. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING FLAUNTING AROUND IN THAT DAMN COSPLAY? TAKE IT OFF!!”

Tohru had forgotten that she also added alcohol to the chocolate. And at three time the dosage, Kobayashi had gotten drunk three times faster than normal.

It was at that time that Elma finally came back home with Lucy tucked under one arm and a veritable mountain of chocolate in the other.

“Tohru! Kobayashi! I’m back!” Elma announced cheerfully. “Lucy got a clean bill of health! And look at all these chocolates that the people at the market gave me! Isn’t that so nice?”

When nobody responded, Elma took another look around. Kanna was knocked out cold on the floor with a huge sleep bubbled. The liquor also took its effect on her, since she was still only a child. But that wasn’t as concerning as the loud noises coming from Kobayashi’s room.

“Miss Kobayashi, is everything okay?” Elma called out.

The former priestess took a step back with a surprised yelp as the door burst open and Tohru collapsed at her feet, completely naked and crying anime waterfalls.

“ELMA, SAVE ME?” She screamed for mercy.

“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?” Kobayashi howled, grabbing Tohru’s tail and dragging her back in the room kicking and screaming, slamming the door shut behind her. Elma sweat drop, unable to process what had just happened.

When Kobayashi sobered up the next morning, neither she nor Tohru could look at each other for three days.

Chapter Text

Kobayashi should’ve realized that trying to cram four people (five, once Lucy hatches) into a single room apartment wasn’t going to work out. The signs were all there.

Kanna slept on the side of Kobayashi’s bed at night because Tohru, Elma, and Lucy took up the entirety of the living room. And every time Kobayashi woke up to go to the bathroom, she would unintentionally stab her foot on Kanna’s horns. Spacing was also an issue as Kobayashi could only count the number of times someone came out of the bathroom and slammed someone else in the face (usually Elma.) And then there was the kitchen situation when everyone tried cramming in such a small area and ended up bumping into each other either when they were cooking or reaching something for the fridge. Kobayashi could distinctly remember of times Tohru or Elma crushed her head with their ginormous boobs every time she went to get a beer.

But quite possibly the worst was when Tohru or Elma just left Lucy’s egg lying around on the floor, causing Kobayashi to trip and fall on her face. He wasn’t so much concerned about hurting the egg after Tohru chucked it like a football back at the market.

It was getting to be too much.

It was for that reason Kobayashi dragged her “roommates” to the local real estate agent.

“You’re looking for a three bedroom apartment?” the realtor asked the four women (one of them holding a giant egg for some reason) sitting across the table.

“Yes, I’d like one as close to this area as possible,” said Kobayashi.

“Well, I have a few options available,” said the realtor. He got up from his chair and walked to the back, picking up a laminated binder and flipping through the pages. “We can check them out now, if you’d like.”

“That would be great, thanks,” said Kobayashi gratefully.

Together, they spent half the day looking through each apartment to see which one was a good fit.

The first apartment was pretty spacious compared to their current living arrangements and the rent a thousand yen cheaper than what she was paying now. But Tohru wasn’t thrilled about the kitchen area, especially with the lack of a stove and refrigerator. They could bring their old refrigerator, but Kobayashi thought investing in a bigger one would be better for more people. Not only that, but the apartment was a thirty minute walk away from the train station, which was significantly longer than Kobayashi’s current ten minutes. That could explain why the rent was so cheap.

The second apartment was much nicer and came with a stovetop and large refrigerator like Tohru wanted and the train station was just a block away like Kobayashi wanted. But Kanna vocalized her complaint that space was too cramped. Indeed, even though they had a better kitchen, the living area was only half the size of their current home. Not to mention the rent was obscenely higher at fifteen hundred yen increase. A fully furnished kitchen and a faster commute didn’t seem like a worthwhile trade off.

The third one was probably the best of the choice so far. The living area was decently sized and they have a separate kitchen area with a working stove. They would have to buy a new refrigerator, of course, but it should even out. It was a little further from the station than her current residence, but the rent was only a couple hundred yen more to what she was paying now.

Just as Kobayashi was starting to consider the place, the realtor decided to sweeten the deal.

“This one has a bonus feature,” he informed Kobayashi. “The rooftop is actually a common area shared by tenants.”

“Really?” asked Kobayashi interestedly.

He led them up the stairway to the top floor and lead them through the door leading to the rooftop. The dragons all gasped in awe and started running around like little children (and only one of them was actually considered a child.)

“The sky is so vast!”

“It’s so wide and spacious!”

“This is amazing!”

“So, what do you think?” the realtor asked as he and Kobayashi watched the dragons dance around playfully. Though it surprised both of them when Tohru started spinning around and accidentally let her go, nearly throwing the little girl over the high fence. Luckily, Elma threw Lucy’s egg and intercepted Kanna’s flight path, sending them both plummeting to the ground. Kobayashi really wanted to scold her for that.

“Well…I guess we’ll take it,” said Kobayashi. She really couldn’t say ‘no’ to those happy faces.

With the rental agreement signed and the apartment now officially under Kobayashi’s name, the next day would be spent on the most crucial part of moving: packing up everything.

Now that she thought about it, Kobayashi should have felt a little guilty about asking Tohru, Elma, and Kanna pack up everything. After all, with the exception of the few clothes that Kobayashi bought them, the dragons own virtually nothing in this world. Everything in the apartment belonged to Kobayashi. Still, she understood that one person packing up everything would be a difficult task and the dragons were more than willing to help out.

“All right, you three,” said Kobayashi, a bandanna tied around her head as she stood in the living room facing the three dragons lined up like soldiers. “We’ve got to get this place ready for the move. First, we clean.”

“I can – “ Elma chimed in, raising her hand excitedly.

“No purifying,” Kobayashi denied automatically.

Elma sniffled, hanging her head dejectedly.

And so together they went round the apartment, taking wet rags to surfaces and dusting off the cobwebs in the hard-to-reach areas one section at a time. The entire time, Tohru was singing some random “cleaning song” out loud. Though its lyrics were…a little concerning.

“Cleaning, cleaning, lalala~” Tohru sang. “Annihilate all dust, leave no trace of trash left behind~ Kill it, slay it, butcher and destroy it~ Pound it into oblivion~”

What the heck is with that song, Kobayashi thought as Tohru’s song devolved into more graphical lyrics that involved dismemberment and burning.

“Wipe them out, wipe them out, hum hum~” Tohru continued cheerfully. “Lay waste to the world, now is the time to clan them all, lalala~”

 That is one dangerous song, thought Kobayashi wildly.

It wasn’t until she and Elma were cleaning the living area (Kanna was outside on the balcony doing something else, and Tohru was incinerating the trash) when curiosity got the better of Kobayashi.

“Hey, Elma,” Kobayashi asked the former priestess as she wiped down the television set. “I notice that Tohru likes cleaning a lot. Is she a neat freak by any chance?”

“Now that you mention it, I suppose she is,” said Elma, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “I guess we dragons all have our little quirks. With me, it’s food. With Kanna, she’s like eating things like bugs and crustaceans and other small living creatures – “

“Wait, seriously?” Kobayashi gapped in shock.

“And with Tohru, I guess her thing is cleanliness,” Elma continued uninterrupted.

“Oi! Go back to the Kanna thing!”

“Since coming to the human world, we likes taking baths and brushing her teeth more than before,” said Elma.

“Brushing her teeth?” Kobayashi repeated curiously. “What, like a dragon-sized toothbrush or something?”

“Of course not; that’s just silly, Miss Kobayashi,” Elma laughed; Kobayashi gave her a deadpanned stare. “She liked using her claws to pick out the bugs.”

“Bugs?” said Kobayashi, dumbfounded. “But what about cavities?”

“Eh, it’s not really a problem for us,” said Elma, shrugging. “They’re so small, we don’t really notice them.”

“I bet it’s not easy to have such a huge (real) body,” Kobayashi commented.

“That’s true,” Elma sighed. “While we were on the run, finding a place to raise our baby was horrible.”

“That figures,” said Kobayashi. “How did you manage?”

“Sometimes we stayed in caves, but they were too cramped,” said Elma, counting them off with her fingers. “Sometimes in ruins, but those were too exposed. The mountains were sometimes both issues combined. And sometimes we’d take turns sleeping in the sky.”

“That sounds dangerous,” Kobayashi grimaced. “But is sounds like you two could live pretty much anywhere.”

Meanwhile, Kanna was playing with a butterfly that landed on her finger…then proceeded to eat it. Kobayashi saw it and a shocked

“No, that wasn’t always the case,” said Elam darkly, drawing Kobayashi back to their conversation. “You have to remember, we were being hunted by both Faction for our blasphemous union. If we stayed in one place for too long, they would eventually catch up to us. And if it wasn’t dragons, it was humans who come looking for dragon scales or blood or whatever nonsense.”

“Well, you guys are kinda like legendary P*Kemon that run away when found,” said Kobayashi.

“Because of that, our bodies kept getting dirty,” said Elma, ringing her cleaning rug in the bucket. “It always annoyed Tohru when her scales got dingy. But we hardly ever got the opportunity to bathe.”

“That sounds disgusting,” Kobayashi commented.

“Tohru would always beg me to make it rain, but I couldn’t abuse my power like that,” said Elma, sighing exasperatedly. “That’s why we tended to lick each other clean. Remember when I told you about that.”

Yeah, Kobayashi remembered the the conversation from the laundry chapter and –

“No! We’re keeping this PG, people!” Kobayashi screamed, waving the provocative image away.

“But in general, I think keeping clean is just something Tohru enjoys,” said Elma as they moved on to the kitchen area (Kanna was still eating bugs outside and Tohru hadn’t come back yet.) “It’s not like we dragons need to clean ourselves anyway. We don’t get sick or unhealthy if we don’t.”

“Okay, I’m jealous of that,” Kobayashi admitted.

“Since we’re on the top of cleanliness,” said Elma, fixing Kobayashi with a deadpanned stare. “It’s come to my attention that you are an slovenly person, Miss Kobayashi.” The bespectacled woman stiffened up. “The first day we came here, I ended up cleaning your entire apartment of empty beer cans, and have been tripping over them almost every day since. And Tohru complains that you leave your clothes all over the floor.”

“I-It really doesn’t matter, does it?” Kobayashi stuttered. “One of the perks of living alone is not having to worry about stuff like that.”

“Not to mention that your books and magazines are not arranged in any order that I know of,” Elma chided.

“Now that’s just being petty!” Kobayashi snapped.

“Fine, I can overlook the catastrophe of the books,” said Elma, sounding like a stern parent. “However, you can at least pick up your trash and clothes.”

“Don’t forget, this I my home – “

“Lucy will be born in a couple months!” Elma interjected, giving Kobayashi pause. “The early stages of life are very impressionable for a young dragons. You don’t want her picking up those nasty habit, do you?”

“No…,” Kobayashi groaned. There goes her carefree bachelorette lifestyle….

It took another forty minute before the cleaning was finally done. Kanna finally came inside after murdering an entire colony of butterflies and Tohru a gone for a long time because her embers accidentally set fire to the building across the street. (The sooner they left, the better, Kobayashi thought.)

“All right, next up is packing,” said Kobayashi. The dragons raised their fists in cheers. “I know almost all of these thing belong to me. Sorry to ask you to help out.”

“Never fear, Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru declared dramatically. “You can ask anything at all of me!”

“Kanna will do her best, too!” Kanna cheered.

“Thanks guys,” said Kobayashi gratefully.

They broke off into two group and started packing up different rooms. Kobayashi and Elma cleaned up in the living area while Tohru and Kanna moved all the books and electronics in the computer room. They had settled on a good rhythm and had completed a quarter of the packing when Kanna pulled a book from a shelf and accidentally let it fall open. What he saw inside caused her to gasp in amazement.

“Focus, Kanna,” Tohru chided the child. “Stop fooling around – “

The dragon maid soon ate her words when she realized it was a photo album…of little Kobayashi.

“CHIBI KOBAYASHI!”

Tohru nearly ripped the album apart when she pried it from Kanna’s hands. She flipped through the pages, squealing at all kinds of antics child Kobayashi got up to: playing in the sand box in preschool., stuffing oversized rice balls in her mouth, running around in her father’s oversized shirt (which looked strangely like her work shirt.)

“Those dead-fish eyes are so adorable!” Tohru squeaked.

“Is there something wrong with you?” said Kanna with a dry look.

“Can you focus for five seconds please?” said Kobayashi, peeking into the room, catching the dragons by surprise.

Tohru and Kanna went back to working diligently while Elma was boxing the kitchenware. Kobayashi decided she would handle her own room personally.

She was putting the books on her shelves away neatly until she found an old manga in the back of the shelf, not realizing that she still had it…. Ten minutes later, she had uncovered several volumes of the same manga and was obsessively reading through it. Of course, Tohru and Kanna caught her, giving the bespectacled woman dark, menacing looks.

“Miss Kobayashi…,” Tohru muttered slowly.

“I’m focused! I’m focused!” Kobayashi yipped.

It took them several hours into the night with a bunch of distractions at every turn ranging from a hidden maid uniform in Kobayashi’s closet to Lucy’s egg falling into the back of a truck and chasing it around town. But at long last, they were finally finished. Kobayashi cracked open a celebratory beer and guzzled the whole thing in a few gulps.

“Ah, that’s the good stuff!” shouted Kobayashi.

“Good work today, everyone,” Tohru praised.

“Yes, you guys were so awesome,” said Kobayashi. She roe from her chair, stretching her arms above her head, and started making her way to the bathroom. “I guess I’m gonna  go ahead and take a shower.”

“So what do you think the new living arrangements will be like?” Elma asked her wife curiously.

“Hmm…,” Tohru hummed, touching her chin thoughtfully. “Obviously, Miss Kobayashi is gonna have the master bedroom. And we have our own little family to think about, so will be needing space.” She rubbed the top of Lucy’s shell to emphasize the point. “And I guess Kanna I getting her own room.”

“My own room…?” Kanna gasped, starry-eyed.

“What about Miss Kobayashi’s office?” asked Elma.

“Oh yeah, there’s that,” said Tohru, crossing her arms. “Hmm, I guess we might have to bunk together after all….”

“Hey, guys,” Kobayashi came back. “Anybody know what happened to the clean towels and clothes I laid out in the bathroom.”

“I packed them all up in a box for you!” said Elma, looking very proud of herself.

“…Huh?” Kobayashi mumbled slowly.

“…Huh?” Elma squeaked, her wits finally catching up with her.

Together, the human and three dragons craned their heads towards the insurmountable wall of boxes lined up before them, an overwhelming sense of dread washing over them.

“…Any of you know which box it is?” asked Kobayashi despairingly.

They stayed up until three at night unpacking and repacking everything.

Chapter Text

The moving company arrived first thing in the morning. Kobayashi had seen the company in an ad in the newspaper and heard they were efficient at their job; glad to see it wasn't false advertisement. The movers quickly and efficiently moved all the boxes and furniture they were taking to the truck in under an hour and took it to the new apartment.

Kobayashi called for a taxi to take her and the dragons to their new home across town. With so many people crammed inside a small space, Kanna was forced to sit in Kobayashi's lap. She didn't mind; Kanna seemed more interested in the concept of a "horseless-chariot" than any concerns about seating. Kobayashi, on the other hand, would have desired a little more breathing room, especially when Tohru and Elma's gigantic busts were crushing her head from both sides. But, thankfully, it was only a half-an-hour drive, and when they finally stepped out of the cab, they found themselves standing in front of their new home.

The movers had already finished unloading their possessions by the time Kobayashi and the dragons ascending to their apartment. Everything was neatly organized so they wouldn't have to move the furniture much when they started unpacking. And it looked like the new refrigeration unit Kobayashi ordered had already need installed. Kobayashi was pleasantly surprised how smooth everything had gone; when she had moved to her old apartment, it had been a complete disaster. Guess that's what happens when you have roommates to help.

"All right, let's figure out how we're going to use this space," said Kobayashi, standing at the front entrance. "Kitchen and living room are obvious."

She moved to the farthest room on the right of the living area, opening the door where a bed frame was already set up with several boxes lined against the wall.

"I think I'll take this one as my bedroom."

They went to the neighboring room where another bed frame was also set up with only three boxes tucked in the corner next to the closet.

"Tohru, Elma, you two can share this room."

"Wait, this is our room?" asked Tohru, mystified; her mate was silent and sparkly-eyed.

"Yup," Kobayashi nodded. "I figured with a baby on the way, you two were going to need your own space. We can set up a crib or nest or whatever you dragons use later."

"This is so generous!" Elma squealed, throwing Lucy the Egg over her shoulder (it was thankfully caught by Tohru) and hugged Kobayashi. "Thank you, Miss Kobayashi!"

"No...problem...," Kobayashi grunted out, struggling to breath in Elma's death grip.

"Kobayashi, what about me?" Kanna pleaded sadly, tugging at the bespectacled woman's shirt.

"Don't worry, I didn't forget about you, Kanna," said Kobayashi reassuringly. She pulled out of Elma's hug and guided the dragons to the door on the opposite side of the living area. She opened it and revealed another bedroom that was mostly empty except for a futon and a couple boxes. "This will be your room, Kanna."

"I'm getting my own room?" Kanna gasped, also starry-eyed.

"It's a little bare right now," said Kobayashi. "We'll have to buy you a bed and some personal items, but you're free to do whatever you want with it."

Overcome with excitement, Kanna dropped on the floor and started rolling every which way as if marking the territory as her own. Kobayashi snickered behind her hand, waiting the little bundle of energy glided around the room, but winced when Kanna smacked her head into a wall.

"Miss Kobayashi, that's all three room occupied," Tohru brought up while Kanna curled into a ball, holding her forehead. "What are you going to do for your office?"

"I figured I could set up my computer in my room," answered Kobayashi. "It'll be a little cramped, but I can make it work. Anything I don't need, I can sell, and then put the rest in storage."

"You're so smart, Miss Kobayashi!" Tohru gushed.

"Not really worth praising, but okay," Kobayashi commented.

"Say, Miss Kobayashi," Elma chimed in excitedly. "Now that we've moved into our new home, should we start getting ready for the party?"

"Party? What party?" asked Kobayashi, tilting her head in confusion.

"I heard it's a tradition that humans throw parties for each other whenever they move into a new domicile," said Elma, drool rolling down from her lips as she looked toward the ceiling, obviously imagining large quantities of food. "They have food, and games, and food, and party tricks, and food - "

"Oh, you mean a housewarming party," said Kobayashi, finally understanding what she meant. "Yeah, I guess people do those. I never did because, well, it was too much of a hastle.... And I never had people to invite anyway."

"We should throw one ourselves then!" Elma suggested enthusiastically.

"You're just looking for an excuse to eat, you glutton," Tohru pointed out.

"No, it not!" Elma shouted defensively. "I just want to do something nice for Miss Kobayashi! And if there just happen to be something tasty...."

"I knew it!" yelled Tohru.

"A housewarming party, huh?" Kobayashi hummed thoughtfully, ignoring the feuding wives.

As previously stated, she never had anyone to invite, so she never bothered. But now that Tohru, Elma, and Kanna were here, maybe things would be different. The thought of a new house filled with people made Kobayashi feel unexpectedly giddy.

"You know what? Why not?" said Kobayashi, surprising Tohru and Elma. "It might be kind of fun. I was thinking of inviting Takiya from work, since he already knows you're all dragons."

"You're inviting that man into our home?" Tohru's expression grew dark.

"Oh, stop making that face," said Kobayashi. "He's a nice guy and a good friend. Give him a chance, please."

"Ugh, I suppose so," Tohru groaned dramatically, turning her nose up. "But I'm only putting up with him for you."

"How mature of you," said Kobayashi sarcastically.

"In return, can I invite some of our friends, too?" Tohru requested.

"Friends like who?" asked Kobayashi curiously. "You mean the people from the shopping district?"

"No, like dragons," Tohru corrected. Kobayashi made an expression like she thought Tohru had lost her mind. "Don't worry, they're all extraordinarily well-behaved dragons."

"Why doesn't that fill me with confidence?" Kobayashi groaned.

With invitations sent out (including a few collect calls to another world), they had to work double-time to clean up as much of the apartment as possible before their guests arrived. Thankfully, having four people made the job exceptionally easier, especially with Tohru's impressive cleaning and organizing skills. They had a little kerfuffle when Elma tried to use magic to do the laundry again, but was thankfully vetoed by all three opposing parties. So by the time it rolled around six, they had finished most of the unpacking. There were a few odds and ends that were stowed away in their closest, either to be sold or sent to storage at a later date, but it was overall decent enough to invite people.

Speaking of which, the doorbell rang, indicating that their first guest of the evening had arrived.

"I got it!" shouted Kobayashi. She walked to the door and opened it, finding her her workplace friend on the other side. "Oh, hey, Takiya. Punctual as always."

"Thanks for inviting me," said Takiya gratefully. "I'm excited to see your new place. Oh, hey, Tohru, good to see you again." he added, waving to the dragon maid poking her head out of the kitchen.

"Yes, welcome, come in...," Tohru hissed, fixing him with her most evil glare.

"Funny how I don't feel very welcomed," Takiya commented good-naturedly. He entered the living room with Kobayashi, his eyes coming to rest on Kanna and Elma sitting on the couch, the latter with Lucy tucked between her legs. "Ah, you two must be Kanna and Elma. It's nice to meet you."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Takiya," said Elma, standing up and bowing respectfully.

"Nice to meet you," said Kanna, repeating after the older dragon.

"And this must be Lucy," said Takiya, leaning forward and inspecting the teal egg up close. He could see the venom coming off of Tohru in waves, but did his best to pretend it wasn't there. "Kobayashi told me all about her. She's gonna be hatching soon, right?"

"It should be within a few weeks," said Elma, caressing her egg tenderly. "Of course, some dragon eggs are known to hatch later than others."

"Well, we can't rush her," said Takiya. "She'll come out when she's ready. By the way, I've been curious for a while, but how do dragons reproduce exactly."

"It's actually quite simple," Elma perked up, getting ready to go into a full lecture.

"And we're not getting into that," said Kobayashi firmly, slapping her hands over a confused Kanna's ears.

Just then, the doorbell rang for a second time.

"Oh, that must be my friends!" Tohru gasped happily, bouncing back to the hallway. Kobayashi and Takiya poked their heads around curiously as the doorbell rang again impatiently. "I'm coming, i'm come - "

Tohru opened the door, but then slammed it shut immediately after. It was only a split-second glance, but Kobayashi was certain she had seen a bulky purple monster with red eyes, horns, and a mouthful of sharp teeth standing outside the front door. And based on Takiya's frozen expression, he must've seen it as well. Tohru chuckled apprehensively as she looked back at her human viewers.

"If you'll give me one moment please...," said Tohru. She opened her door and poked her head outside, hissing in a would-be quiet voice that could still be heard by the humans. "Fafnir, no! Make yourself look like the picture I sent you!"

"Good grief...," an annoyed snarl responded.

Just then, Kobayashi heard what was unmistakably the sound of a miniature explosion as a cloud of toxic-looking miasma blasted through the crack in the door. it took a moment for the explosion to pass, after which Tohru opened the door and allowed her first guest inside.

Kobayashi had to admit that this dragon(?) was admittedly handsome, if not slightly gloomy with his long, dour expression. His long black hair fell over one of his narrowed red eyes behind a pair of tiny glasses that were obviously nothing more than a fashion statement. Kobayashi guessed Tohru was the one who suggested he wear the dapper butler uniform in contrast to own maid outfit.

"I hate this and everything it stands for," said the dragon(?) called Fafnir in his most irritated voice. "Kill me. I'm already dead inside."

Kobayashi and Takiya couldn't help shivering, feeling an instinctual sense of hostility aimed towards them.

"Do you always have to be overdramatic," said Elma exasperatedly. "You can be away from your dumb cave for at least a day."

"Quiet, Order scum," Fafnir spat.

"Make me, Chaos trash!" Elma snapped.

"Now, now, no fighting," said Tohru, miraculously trying to defuse the situation for a change. "Miss Kobayashi, I'd like you to meet Fafnir."

"...Hello, Fafnir," said Kobayashi, pulling out one of her business cards and offering it to the dragon(?). She didn't know why she did it; it was just instinct after working for the company for so many years. "It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Kobayashi. It is an honor to make your acquaintance."

"That is what's called a 'polite social greeting,'" Takiya commented to Kanna.

"Polite social greeting?" Kanna repeated curiously.

"It's a magical set of words that helps even the shiest of people introduce themselves with confidence," Takiya explained.

"Miss Kobayashi is magic?" Kanna gasped, starry-eyed. And that's how a grave misconception in Kanna was born.

"Tohru, a word, please," Kobayashi hissed, dragging the maid back down the hall and whispered in her ear. "Tohru, I have a feeling your friend might be hostile towards me."

"Yeah, that makes sense," said Tohru, touching her chin thoughtfully. "He does have a slight dislike for humans. We're talking about an ancient Cursed Dragon who's been guarding in a cave for, let me think...four thousand years or so."

"Four thousand years?" Kobyashi repeated, surprised. "Wait, how old are you, exactly?"

"Well, I'm almost nineteen hundred years," Tohru answered plainly. "Elma is a little older by a couple centuries. And Kanna is only nine hundred years, so she's still very young."

"Holy crap, she's older than than the Feudal Era!" yelped Kobayashi.

The doorbell rang for a third time that night. Kobayashi and Tohru looked to the door; Fafnir had already migrated to the living room with Takiya and Kanna.

"There are more...?" Kobayashi groaned apprehensively.

"This one's the last," Tohru promised, walking to the door. "Don't worry, she's a super nice dragon. She's actually the one who officiated me and Elma's mating ritual."

Tohru opened the door and let their final guest inside the apartment.

The first thing that (literally) popped out to Kobayashi was her massive boobs. And i don't mean like Tohru or Elma - this dragon easily dwarfed them combined with a huge rack that couldn't even be categorized by the human alphabet. Whoever this dragon was did her best to stand out as much as possible from the thin layer of clothes that showed as much skin as possible, to the wavy blonde hair and curled horned poking out the sides of her ballcap. She had an expression of someone who liked to laze around a lot, especially by the way she constantly kept her eyes closed. But despite that, Tohru and Elma seemed to look up to the absurdly busty dragon in reverence.

"Hey, Tohru, Elma," the woman greeted them casually. "How's my favorite couple doing? Are you well?"

"We're fine, thank you, Lady Lucoa," said Elma respectfully.

"Please, we're all friends here," Lucoa waved her off. "Call me Lucoa."

"Okay, Lady Lucoa," said Elma. Lucoa sighed, but smiled amusingly and decided to let it go.

"Miss Kobayashi, this is Quetzalcoatl," Tohru introduced her.

"Oh yeah, the goddess friend Elma went to visit on Valentine's Day," Kobayashi recalled.

"It's so cool to meet you," said Lucoa pleasantly. "Please call me Lucoa."

"I'm gonna assume all dragons look this unrealistic," said Kobayashi, glaring at Lucoa's gigantic breasts like they had insulted her (which they essentially did.) The dragon's tilted their heads, confused. "Oh, never mind. It's cool, or whatever, to meet you too. But um...did you walk here looking like that?"

"Of course I did," said Lucoa, not understanding the problem.

"It makes you look like a tramp," Kobayashi stated unfiltered, shocking Lucoa.

Just then, the doorbell rang one last time for the night. Only this time, Tohru looked just as confused as Kobayashi.

"Did you invite someone else?" asked Kobayashi.

"No, that was everyone," said Tohru.

"Uh, sorry, that's mine," said Elma, sounding strangely nervous as she moved to the door.

The former priestess opened the door and stepped aside to let them in. Kobayashi was surprised to see a little girl that looked around the same age as Kanna. Of course, it was obvious that she wasn't human because of the curved horn poking out from under her short, black hair. She certainly dressed like a child with her cat-print shirt and a pair of bows in her hair. Overall, she seemed like a nice kid.

So why was Tohru foaming at the mouth, radiating with pure anger.

"YOU!!!" Tohru snarled, pointing a green-scaled claw at the child. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"Tohru, wait!" Elma sputtered, waving her arms frantically. "I invited my grandmother! I thought she deserved to know!"

"That's you're grandmother?!" Kobayashi yelled. The realm of logic has completely vanished at this stage.

"Relax, I'm not here to fight," said Elma's grandmother calmly. "I just came to see my great-grandkid - "

"THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M LETTING YOU NEAR LUCY!!!" Tohru screamed. The pressure around her intensified, cracking the hardwood floor beneath her feet. She lunged at Elma's grandmother with her claws extended. "DIE!!!"

Elma's grandmother exhaled an exasperated sigh...then knocked out Tohru with a quick chop to the head, slamming her to the floor with unexpected force.

"ONE HIT!" Kobayashi yelped.

"Tohru knew that granny was more powerful than her," Elma groaned, pinch of her nose. "Why would she do something so stupid."

"She's your mate," Elma's grandmother remarked. "And I told you to call me big sis."

"Never going to happen," Elma rebuked. "I'm sorry about all this, Miss Kobayashi. I was hoping Tohru would be more civilized about it."

"Obviously you don't know Tohru very well," said Kobyashi.

"So you're the one taking care of my sweet little Elma," said Elma's grandmother, stepping up to the taller human. She bowed her head respectfully. "My name is Telne, second-in-command of the Order faction. Thank you for taking her and my great-grandkid in. I've been so worried for the longest time."

"Oh, it was no problem," said Kobayashi, bowing in return. Despite what just happened, Elma's grandmother seemed genuinely kind.

Once Elma told her that there would be no more guests coming, everyone made their way back to the living room where Takiya was trying showing Fafnir and Kanna how to play video games. 'Trying' being the operative word. Fafnir was standing directly in front of the screen, which made it difficult for Takiya to see. Seeing the gloomy dragon so interested in the game, Takiya offered him the controller. Fafnir, unaccustomed to actually playing video games, was swinging the controller around unnecessarily while Takiya was instructing him.

"Now when you get a hit, be sure to move back quickly," said Takiya. "Yeah, just like that. Oh, you can't attack while he's doing that move. Almost there...nice work...hey, you killed him! Good job! You're going to want to ignore that treasure chest if you know what's good for you - "

The screen made a defeated noise and flashed the "GAME OVER" sign. Fafnir growled in annoyance and respawned back at the beginning.

"Those things are called Mimics," said Takiya patiently. "That's why you should always skip the suspicious chests."

While they were having fun in their own world, Kobayashi, Lucoa, and Telne observed them from the table. The unconscious Tohru had been deposited in her and Elma's bedroom and Elma was preparing them drinks and making them dinner. Luckily, Tohru had already cooked most of it ahead of time, so there was little Elma had to do.

"He's completely addicted now," said Kobayashi amusingly, watching Fafnir fall for the same Mimic trap again.

Lucoa chuckled at them, then turned to the kitchen to see Elma working hard.

"I'm so glad to see Tohru and Elma doing so well," said Lucoa. "They had it so rough, being ostracized from the Order and Chaos factions the way they were. They had it so rough. They were so lucky to meet you, Kobayashi."

"Don't see how," said Kobayashi. "I'm just a normal human being."

"Don't underestimate yourself, Kobayashi," said Telne, sounding sagely in spite of her appearance as she hugged Lucy's egg tenderly (which was almost the size of he entire body.) "It was barely enough for me to convince the Order faction to forgo Elma's execution and convince them to settle for exile. That girl and her mate have been outsiders by their own kind for something as simple as love. Mind you, I'm not one to talk, but I've learned to accept it. They needed normalcy in their lives."

"Nelly's right," said Lucoa, opening her eyes a fraction, showing an otherworldly heterochromia Kobayashi couldn't begin to describe.

"Nelly?" Kobayashi repeated strangely.

"Lucoa, don't call me that in front of the human!" Telne shouted embarrassingly.

"Aw, but it's cute," Lucoa laughed. Telne pouted and looked away shyly; Kobayashi got the strange feeling that Lucoa was the only one who could get away with that. "But like she was saying, Tohru and Elma deserve to feel normal for a change. Especially with a baby on the way."

"I doubt those two will ever be normal," said Kobayashi humorously.

"I guess that's true," Lucoa laughed.

"But you know...," Kobayashi spoke quietly, like she was trying to hide it from Elma. "To be honest, I'm grateful to have them. I never to smile as much before they showed up in my doorstep. Just don;t tell them that - especially Tohru. She'll never let me forget it."

"Your secrets safe with me," said Lucoa, smiling.

"Food's ready, everyone!" Elma announced, carrying multiple plates on her arms and tail.

"Nice," Kobayashi complimented, then asked Lucoa and Telne. "Can I get you two anything to drink?"

"Drink...?" Lucoa repeated slowly with a shudder. "Yeah, thank you...but no offense, I'll need to check it for curses."

"Curses?" Kobayashi replied strangely.

"Lucoa is very skeptical around alcohol ever since a certain...incident happened," Telne explained cryptically.

"You mean when she molested her sister?" said Kobayashi bluntly.

"WHO TOLD YOU THAT?" Lucoa shrieked.

After that, the party went into full swing. Kobayashi and Takiya naturally drank themselves silly and went into nerd mode about maids. Tohru had woken up around that time and tried to make another lunge at Telne, but was pulled back and stripped once again by Kobayashi in front of everyone. Fafnir spent the entire night getting killed by the same Mimic over and over again. Elma was ignorant to everything and practically inhaled all the food for herself. Lucoa and Telne were the only sane ones in the entire party and wisely watched the chaos from the sidelines while guarding Lucy and Kanna, who had fallen asleep halfway through.

Overall, it turned out to be a fun party.

BONUS

Kobayashi stepped out onto the balcony with a cup of fresh coffee in hand, taking in the crisp morning air.

"This new apartment turned out to be really great," said Kobayashi. "I'm glad we moved here."

She took a sip of her coffee...then noticed dozens of background characters in T-poses spinning around in the air while the theme song for the first season opening played.

"...I didn't see anything, I didn't see anything...," Kobayashi muttered quietly, walking back into the apartment.

Chapter Text

Kobayashi's head was still pounding the next morning. She knew she should cut down on drinking, but that sweet temptress had the bespectacled woman under its thrall.

But like any other day, she pulled herself out of bed, put on her tie, and got ready for work. When she entered the living area, she found Kanna already at the table fulling her face with rice with grilled fish on the side and Lucy the Egg was sitting in the middle of the table in her little cloth nest. Tohru was in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee and Elma was by the seat washing a large load of dishes. With all the guests they had last night, it was no surprise that they started to stack up. Speaking of whom, it seemed like Takiya and the dragons had vacated the apartment some time last night. Kobayashi briefly wondered where Fafnir, Lucoa, and Telne were staying, but she figured it was none of her business.

Kobayashi plopped herself into a seat and checked her phone for messages. Great, the chief was informing her that he was pushing another unrelated project onto her. Kobayashi was used to this blatant abuse of authority, but it still annoyed her.

"Good morning," Tohru greeted, laying a cup of coffee out for Kobayashi. "Here you go. To perk you right up."

"That's exactly what I needed," Kobayashi sighed, taking a long swig of the hot liquid gold. Oh yeah, that's the stuff....

"You have to eat faster than that, Kanna," Elma called over her shoulder from the kitchen. "Once you're finished, we're going to finish unpacking the rest of the stuff. Then we're going shopping later for a new bed and some things for your room.

"Kay...," Kanna mumbled.

They had unpacked most of their things during the rush job before the housewarming party, but there were still a few boxes stuffed in the closest. Most of them were Kobayashi's things. Kanna's room was practically empty, so she and Elma had made plans to go shopping. Kobayashi had given them her credit card with a warning not to go over a certain budget (which will remain unknown to the readers.) Kobayashi was admitted curious to see what Kanna would pick out for her room. Probably something cute and fluffy.

"Oh, Miss Kobayashi," said Tohru. "Is there anything in particular you want for dinner tonight? It is technically your first meal in a new house, so it should be special."

"I don't know about special," said Kobayashi, humming thoughtfully. "I don't really have a preference. Anything works for me."

Tohru pulled up her tail and reached for a kitchen knife with a bright smile.

"Except for that," Kobayashi rejected bluntly. Tohru cried in disappointment. "What about you, Tohru? What would you like to eat?"

Tohru opened her mouth - 

"If you say your wife, I will slap you."

Tohru snapped her mouth shut.

"Okay, this is getting us nowhere," Kobayashi groaned, then looked across the tables at the youngest dragon. "What about you, Kanna? Anything you want to eat for dinner."

"Ooh, ooh, I know!" said Kanna, bouncing in her seat excitedly. "I saw it on TV. It was yellow and fluffy and was made with rice and eggs with ketchup on top."

"Oh, you mean omurice," said Kobayashi. "All right, let's go with omurice. Make it good, Tohru."

"Don't worry about a thing, Miss Kobayashi," said Tohru reassuringly. "This will be the best tasting omurice ever!"

"We're counting on you," said Kobayashi.

Once Kanna had cleared her plate and the dished were on the drying rack, it was time for everyone to be on their way. Kobayashi whipped on her trench coat, Kanna was tying her shoes (it took two tries this time), and Elma pulled out the sporty clothes that Kobayashi gave her a while back.

"So what time do you expect to get home this evening?" Tohru asked as they were headed out the door.

"Finding a bed for Kanna shouldn't take too long," said Elma. "That'll be the easy part. After that, we'll probably head to a few department stores to get anything she wants to decorate her room with."

"I wants fluffy!" Kanna cheered, through her hands up in celebration even though her mute expression didn't match.

"My boss is being a pain in the ass as always," Kobayashi sighed. "Hopefully I won't be gone too late."

"I hope that, too," said Kobayashi.

"See you later, Lady Tohru," said Kanna, excitedly heading out. "Come on, fatty."

"I'm not fat!" Elma snapped, hunting down the dragon child.

Kobayashi just shrugged amusingly and headed out as well, shutting the door behind her.

"All right!" said Tohru, puffing out her (giant) chest with her fists on her hips. "Time to get my maid on!"

It turned out to be another busy day as always for the aspiring dragon maid. She tackled all of her daily chores one after the other: starting the washing machine, unpacking the remaining boxes, destroyed all the dust (with the dust murder song), mopped the floors, and definitely did not break the ceramic plates. By the time she finished cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, living area, and individual rooms, the washing machine went off. She hanged the damp laundry on the balcony to let the sunshine finish the drying process (and she didn't even have to blast the clouds away this time!)

"Good," Tohru sighed in relief, wiping the invisible sweat from her brow. "I finished everything I needed to. All that's left is to make the omurice for dinner."

She stood in the kitchen and looked over the ingredients laid out on the counter. It was a good thing they had gone shopping the previous day to prepare for the party. There were still plenty leftover to use for the omurice. Eggs, peppers, onions, carrots, eggs, chicken, milk, butter, ketchup - your typical omurice ingredients. She even threw in a couple of extra ingredients like honey and cheese for flavor. But now that she looked at them, they seemed a bit...lacking.

"Mmm...I got everything I need right here," Tohru hummed thoughtfully. "But it just seems so...average. I'm making our first family meal in a new house, so I want it to be more special than average. And Miss Kobayashi made it clear she didn't want any of my tail." She pouted at that reminder. "What to do...."

Just then, the doorbell rang, which was a surprise. It was too early for anyone to be home at this time.

"Coming!" Tohru called, heading for the door. When she opened it and looked down, her lips warped into a grimace. "Oh, it's you."

"Good to see you too, delinquent," Telne retorted, stuffing her hands into her jacket pocket. She still dressed like a human child with the pink skirt and cat-print shirt, but threw on an additional blue windbreaker on top. "I was in the area checking out some apartments and I thought I'd stop by to visit Elma and Lucy. Are they in?"

"Elma went shopping with Kanna," Tohru grumbled reluctantly. After getting one-shot by Telne and missing most of the party, she had learned to bite her tongue whenever her grandmother-in-law was around. "Lucy is inside drying off from her daily dunking. Wait, did you say you were checking out apartments? You're moving here?"

"Somewhere close by," answered Telne, walking past Tohru and entering the apartment. The Chaos dragon gritted her teeth and closed the door unnecessarily hard. "I wanted to be around to make sure you didn't screw up my great-granddaughter."

"I'm not going to 'screw her up,' Tohru sneered.

"We'll see," said Telne impassively. As she walked past the kitchen, she noticed the ingredients laid out on the counter. "Oh, were you in the middle of making dinner? I hope I'm not interrupting."

"No, I haven't even started yet," said Tohru, coming up behind the elder dragon. "The truth is, I was in the middle of preparing omurice."

Just then, Telne ran over and snatched Lucy off the table, holding the eggs away protectively while glaring suspiciously at Tohru.

"I'm not going to cook Lucy!" Tohru shouted offensively.

"I heard that Choas Faction dragons regularly eat their own children if believed they are weak or inefficient," Telne accused.

"That's...not entirely inaccurate," Tohru reluctantly admitted. "But I'm not using my baby to make dinner for Miss Kobayashi. I'm using normal ingredients. Or...at least I would."

"What do you mean?" questioned Telne, still holding her great-grandchild at arm's length.

"I was thinking of how to make the omurice," Tohru explained, "when I thought that the ingredients we have in stock are a bit...average."

"Ah, now I see," said Telne understandably. "Yes, by comparison to the food we have in our world, the human's version is rather plain. Though they are admittedly delicious by our standards."

"But Miss Kobayashi has probably had omurice from this world a hundred times by now," said Tohru. "I want to do something different. Something special to celebrate moving into our new home."

"So that's it, huh," said Telne, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Well, this is just my personal opinion, but I think the simplest thing to do is to use the highest quality ingredients you can find."

"Oh, that makes sense!" Tohru gasped, tapping her fist into her hand in an 'a-ha' motion. "Using the highest quality ingredients would be the best choice.... But buying good meat, rice, vegetables, and eggs at the supermarket would go way over the budget. And Elma took Kobayashi's credit card to go shopping with Kanna...."

"Well, if money is the issue, you could just simply go looking for the necessary ingredients," Telne pointed out. "We are dragons, after all. Even if this world is super convenient, she should be used to foraging for our own meals."

"Oh, that's brilliant," said Tohru, striking another 'a-ha' pose. "That's the kind of wisdom you would expect from an old hag."

"It sounds like you want me to break your face in," said Telne, annoyed.

"I'll just hunt down the best ingredients for Miss Kobayashi's omurice!" Tohru shouted, clenching her fists in determination. Once again, Telne pulled Lucy out of reach, giving the Chaos Dragon a dubious look. "We're not eating my kid, dammit!"

"So what're you going to do?" asked Telne.

"I have no other options," said Tohru with a furrowed brow as she made her way to the door. "Granny, look after the house for a moment."

"I'm gonna ignore the 'granny' comment," said Telne, pouting. "Where do you think you're going, exactly?"

"I'm just going over 'there' for a little while," said Tohru.

The elder dragon quirked her brow curiously, but didn't say anything.

Once she close the door behind her, Tohru activated the perception blocking around her so that nobody would react as she jumped over the railing. She changed into her dragon form in midair and shot into the sky like a rocket, soaring across the city skyline and out into the distant countryside in mere minutes.

"Here should be good enough," Tohru told herself as she flew over the Okuchichibu Mountains.

She formed a giant magic circle in the air, which caved inwards and torn a massive black hole in the sky, distorting the laws of time and space, and bending the fabric of reality itself. Tohru dived into the depths of the dark circle she spawns...and came out five minutes later with a little bag in her teeth, looking happy as a clam.

"Done," she sang, casually closing the world-ending distortion behind her.

Telne offered up a blank stare of disbelief at the otherworld ingredients that Tohru had brought back in the span of a commercial break. When she had suggested that her granddaughter-in-law should go forging for her own supplies, she had meant supplies from this world. Instead, they got: slabs of purple meat with rib bones, giant yellow eggs with red spots, some unidentifiable vegetables (or were they fruit? Not even Telne could tell), and and what was unmistakably four different colors of mandrakes. The only thing she brought that looked remotely normal was the jug of water.

"Um...Tohru...what did you do?" Telne mumbled awkwardly.

"I picked up ingredients for omurice, duh," said Tohru like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"And you went back to our world to do that?" asked Telne.

"Just for a second," said Tohru.

There's no way in heaven or hell Kobayashi is eating this, Telne thought, sweatdropping.

The elder dragon picked up the giant yellow egg and asked, "Tohru, where did you get this egg?"

"Oh, those?" said Tohru. "I got them from Gullinkambi's nest."

"The rooster in Valhalla whose crowing is foretold to signify the beginning of Ragnarök?" yelped Telne.

"Yup!" said Tohru, looking proud of herself. "I heard from an einherjar that they are the best quality eggs anywhere!"

"And this?" asked Telne, picking up the water jug apprehensively.

"That's fresh spring water from an elvan village," Tohru explained. "I plan to use it to boil the rice. It's the purest water around. The only problem is that I had a fight with the elves once, so I kinda snuck in and took it."

"They'll kill you for that," Telne remarked.

"I also brought some meat from cow demons," Tohru continued excitedly. "As well as fruits that are in season over there."

"How many crimes did you commit while I wasn't looking?" questioned Telne incredulous.

"Best not to ask," said Tohru blandly.

"And what did you do for the rice and vegetables?" asked Telne.

"I thought it would just be best to use the ones they already have here," said Tohru.

"Good call," said Telne. "The rice of the Japanese are surprisingly superior."

"I heard they use magic to grow their crops," said Tohru. "Apparently they cast some kind of spell called 'selective breeding.' I wonder if there's someone who can teach me that incantation sometime." She rolled up her sleeves, flexing her arms confidently. "Now then, time to get this cooking party started! Wanna help me get this done, Telne?"

"Nah, I'm content to watch you slave away," said Telne, leaning back with a smug grin.

This bitch! Tohru thought angrily, veins throbbing on her temple.

"Hah, I'm so exhausted," Kobayashi groaned as she exited the train station later that night. She dragged her feet down the street, instantly regretting not taking the closer apartment. "It was such a long day. I just want to eat and go to bed.... Oh, that's right. Tonight's dinner is omurice....

"Now that I think about it, that was the first normal meal that Tohru made for me back when she and Elma first moved in. What a funny coincidence for Kanna to choose that. Tohru presented it to me with such confidence. It was pretty good, too. Before that, everything she made was so weird. I had to depend on Elma's tea and cup noodles to get buy at first. Either way, it's been nice. I honestly can't remember the last time someone was willing to cook for me since I moved out - much less with that level of excitement. I remember telling her the Omurice was just 'okay' at the time....

"Maybe today, I'll tell her it's tasty...."

One ride up the elevator and Kobayashi opened the door to the apartment.

"I'm home!" she called out.

"Kobayashi!" Kanna cheered, running down the hall to greet her.

"Hey there, Kanna," Kobayashi smiled, patting the dragon child on the head. "Did you have fun with Elma."

"Yeah," said Kanna, sparkly-eyed. "Fatty bought me lots of stuff for my room."

"I wish you would stop calling me that," Elma moaned, coming up behind her.

"Welcome back, Miss Kobayashi," Telne greeted, appearing behind her granddaughter.

"Oh, hey, you're Telne, right?" said Kobayashi, bowing respectfully to the elder dragon. "What're you doing here."

"At first, I wanted to visit Elma and Lucy," said Telne with an unsettling grin. "But now I just want to watch the disaster unfold."

"Disaster...?" Kobayashi repeated apprehensively.

She had a bad feeling that this 'disaster' had something to do with Tohru, who was the only one who didn't greet her at the door. The bespectacled woman walked down the hall and entered the living room, where she found Tohru greeting her by the table.

"Welcome back, Miss Kobayashi!" she shouted cheerfully. "I just finished the omurice! It's gonna be delicious!"

Tohru stepped aside to reveal a gigantic plate of omurice on the table that was almost as tall as Kobayashi painted with an obscene amount of ketchup in the shape of a heart. The table's legs were creaking dangerously, indicating that the massive dish was as heavy as it looked. Kobayashi's mouth fell open in horror and disbelief. She glanced at Telne out of the corner of her eye, wondering if this was what she meant by 'disaster.' But nope - it got even worse. The elderly dragon gestured to the assortment of unholy ingredients lying on the counter, some of which had to be heavily censored for the sake of their "T" rating.

With everyone's help (Especially Elma) they were able to polish off the omurice by the end of the night. It was delicious, but Kobayashi was so distracted by all the weird things that she forgot to compliment Tohru.

Chapter Text

Kobayashi noticed that Kanna had been hanging around on the balcony a lot lately every morning. When she asked why, the littlest dragon would point out the gaggles of school children in their blinding-yellow hats as they walked past the apartment.

Today was no different. While Kobayashi was sitting at the table, drinking her usual morning coffee, she glanced at the balcony and saw Kanna standing on her tiptoes, peaking over the railing. The clock on the wall indicated that children should be on their way to school right now.

“She’s been watching school kids a lot lately,” Kobayashi told Elma across the table, while trying not to look at the former priestess giving Lucy her morning tongue bath. “You think she might want to go?”

“Who, Kanna?” Tohru chimed in from the kitchen while she was cleaning plates. “Yes, I would assume so. It’s only natural, after all. Eventually, every dragon wrestles with ideas like that. Ah, to be young again.”

“Uh, what are you talking about?” asked Kobayashi, getting the sneaking suspicion that they were talk about two different topics.

“Kanna journey to eliminate humanity,” Tohru chirped proudly.

BAM! Lucy the Egg smashed her destructive mother’s face, slamming the back of the dragon maid’s head against the kitchen wall, which formed a spider-web of cracks.

“You’re the only idiot who thinks about destroying things like that!” Elma snapped at her wife.

“Says the woman who used her own child to smash her mate’s skull,” said Kobayashi dryly, having grown unnervingly comfortable with their random bouts of violence. “Please fix the wall.”

“Oh, I am so sorry about that,” Elma apologized, bowing profusely.

Tohru quickly regained consciousness, gripped the edges of Lucy’s shell and pried the egg from her face with a cartoonish pop, her face stinging red. Instead of getting mad at mate like usual, Tohru turned a curious gaze on Kobayashi.

“Well, if Kanna doesn’t want to destroy humanity, then what do you think, Miss Kobayashi?” asked Tohru.

“I think she might want to go to school,” answered Kobayashi.

“School, huh?” Elma hummed while holding up a hand to the cracked wall, using her magic to fix it. “I’ve seen stuff like that on the internet. It’s where groups of children gather to receive an education from scholars. I find the concept to be quite fascinating.”

“They don’t have schools where you’re from?” asked Kobayashi curiously.

“In our world, knowledge is typically reserved for those who come from a distinguished families or obtain lots of wealth,” said Elma. “Most people in our world don’t even know how to read or write. That’s why I was so surprised to see so many educated people when we first arrived in this world.”

“And what about dragons?” asked Kobyashi.

“Dragons don’t need schools,” said Tohru. “We learn through world experiences. And most of us don’t get along in the first place, we gathering a bunch of dragons together would be….”

“Yeah, I get it,” said Kobayashi, nodding understandingly.

“I think Kanna would like to go to school,” said Kobayashi, glancing towards the little dragon. “And I would let her, but the problem is that none of you have a family register.”

“Register?” Tohru parroted, tilting her head. “What kind of object is that?”

Kobayashi didn’t answer immediately. She got up from the table and headed to her room. After ruffling through her desk for a little while, she came back carrying an important-looking sheet of paper.

“Something like this,” said Kobayashi. “It’s basically proof that you exist.”

“Like this?” said Elma, holding out her hands and magically fabricating a copy of the paper from nothing. The only difference was that it had Kanna’s name written.

Kobayashi stared blankly, taking a moment for her brain to process what just happened.

“…Then there’s the resident card, education certificate, and textbook grant certificate….”

“Done,” said Elma, magically conjuring all the necessary documents with the ease of snapping her fingers.

“…It even has the authentic watermarks…,” Kobayashi mumbled, dumbfounded.

“That’s my Elma!” Tohru cheered, hugging her wife from the side and kissing her on the cheek. “She’s the best when it comes to creating things!”

“Well, someone had to clean up all your messes,” said Elma jokingly.

“Yeah, that’s true!” Tohru laughed.

Kobayashi would have to remember to talk to Elma next time she filed her taxes. But regardless of the method, they now had all the necessary documentation. Now all that was left was asking Kanna what she wanted to do.

“Hey, Kanna,” Kobayashi called out, stepping out onto the balcony. Kanna turned around regarding her curiously.

“Did you need something, Miss Kobayashi?” asked Kanna.

“No,” said Kobayashi. “I was just wondering…do you want to go to school?”

It took a moment for the words to register, but Kanna’s eyes went wide and sparkled so brightly that the answer was obvious without needing to be said.

Getting Kanna registered for school was surprisingly easy (or at least it seemed easy to Kobayashi, who never actually did it herself before.) The paperwork that Elma conjured up probably helped move things along. So when they went Oborozuka Shopping District the next day, Kobayashi was staring intently at the list of school supplies that Kanna would need.

“Kobayashi!” Kanna cried excitedly, pulling incessantly at the bespectacled woman’s shirt. “Hurry up! Come on!”

“Kanna, stop,” Tohru scolded her. “You should treat Miss Kobayashi with more respect.”

“I don’t understand why you need all this just to go to school,” said Kobayashi, looking down the long list of things from colored pencils to unruled notebooks.

“There’s nothing to understand once you realize the obvious conspiracy between the schools and the manufacturer,” said Tohru cynically.

“That’s doubtful on many levels, Tohru,” said Kobayashi, sweatdropping. “Remind me to limit your internet access when we get home.”

“No fair!” cried Tohru.

“I think I can understand Kanna’s enthusiasm a little,” Elma smiled brightly as she pushed Lucy around in her new stroller Kobayashi bought them. People in the shopping district didn’t give them funny looks anymore; they were well loved friends and customers. “Just imagine when we come shopping for Lucy’s school things one day.”

“Can’t you just make all that stuff,” Tohru pointed out.

“I will not commit counterfeiting of goods for the sake of convenience!” Elma proclaimed firmly. “There are many humans who work hard every day to produce these goods! It would be wrong to not repay them for their earnest labor.

Better make sure not to mention that the people who make these things barely earn minimum wage, thought Kobayashi.

“How ‘bout we pick up the basics first,” said Kobayashi.

“Okay!” shouted the Dragons enthusiastically.

…which quickly died when Kobayashi took them to the first store.

When she said basic, she really meant basic. The Noyama Stationary was without a doubt the most basic and blandest store on the entire market street and products inside were no different. Even the woman behind the counter looked like the most generic background character in an anime (and caught Tohru off-guard when she realized it was just a cardboard cutout.)

Kobayashi picked out a set of plain pencils, erasers, and a ruler, looking quite proud of herself.

“Yep, this is it,” said Kobayashi. “How funny. These school supplies haven’t changed even a little since I was a kid.”

“No,” said Kanna gloomily.

“What? Why no?” Kobayashi yelped, somehow surprised by Kanna’s lack of enthusiasm. She was the one who wanted to go to school, right?

“They’re not cute,” Kanna pouted.

“Cute? What?” Kobayashi sputtered.

“Wow, Miss Kobayashi, you’re so clueless,” said Tohru in a smug tone (and still lugging the cardboard shopkeeper around for some reason.) “Don’t worry about a thing, though! I’ve got this!”

And, for whatever reason beyond Kobayashi’s understanding, they were standing outside Kotori’s Aviary where a wall of cages filled with colorful chirping birds greeted them.

“Why are we here…?” Kobayashi finally asked.

“Because feathers that have been plucked from living birds this time of year produce the best quills,” Tohru spoke like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Your info is a little outdated, Tohru,” Kobayashi commented.

“No…,” Kanna sulked; a literal raincloud was beginning to form over her head.

“You two are both clueless,” Elma sighed exasperatedly.

“That doesn’t make sense,” said Tohru, not understanding where she went wrong. “Back in our world, practically everyone uses quills.”

“Except this isn’t our world, Tohru,” said Elma, resting her hands reassuringly on Kanna’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, Kanna. I heard about this new store that opened outside the shopping district.”

It seemed like Elma’s suggestion was right on the money.

They entered a stationary shop called “Fancy Shop Cherry Blossom Bod” – an unorthodox and pretentious name in Kobayashi’s opinion. But when they took a look around inside, it seemed the name was well deserved. Everywhere she looked, the normally bland items that Kobayashi associated with were decked out with the most whimsical and colorful designs – even a plain ruler was latest in sweet stickers and pencils cases looked like they could be Guchi. Kobayashi thought it was absurd, but Kanna’s once gloomy gaze perked up in delight.

“I think she likes it,” said Kobayashi thought amusingly as she watched the dragon child bounce around look at all the sparkly new stuff. “Good job finding this place, Elma.”

“It was nothing,” said Elma with a superior smirk.

“Damn it…I can’t believe I lost…,” Tohru muttered under her breath, clenching her fist.

“At what exactly?” said Kobayashi with a blank stare.

“Kobayashi, look!” Kanna ran back holding a multi-color pen tool. “What’s this? How’m I supposed to use it?”

“You write with it like this,” said Kobayashi, taking the pen and demonstrating the multiple colors on a scrap piece of paper. “You’ll be using a pencil though, Kanna, so you don’t need to worry about this.”

“Then what’s this?” asked Kanna, pulling a tiny stapler from a nearby shelf. “It looks like a dragon’s mouth.”

“It’s a stapler,” said Kobayashi, folding the scrap paper and stapling it in the middle, much to Kanna’s amazement. “You use it to pin things together. But it’s not for children, even if that child is a dragon.”

“And this?” Kanna continued, this time presenting a small stamp.

“Ooh, I can answer that one!” said Tohru, eager to demonstrate her worldly knowledge. “It’s a tool for slave branding. You use it to mark your property.”

“Well, she’s half right…,” Kobayashi muttered uncomfortably.

“Oh, look Lady Tohru,” said Kanna, pointing down the aisle where a group of girls were gathering around a booth underneath a sign that read ‘Unicorn Pencil Box! Super Popular!’ “It’s a unicorn.”

“That unicorn must be very happy,” said Elma, clapping her hands together, “knowing how well loved it is.”

“Part of me wants to ask,” Kobayashi mumbled to herself, sweat dropping, “but the other part knows better.”

They were getting further and further away from their initial goal that Kobayashi had to force her dragon roommates back on the proper course and start hunting for school supplies.

Elma seemed to be the only one actually taking the matter seriously as she helped Kobayashi look through the different kinds of pencil cases, analyzing them based on material, cost, and Kanna’s preference. Kobayashi chalked it up to maternal instinct; Elma was the one who laid Lucy after all. Tohru, on the other hand, was on Kanna-watch duty. She managed to stop the little dragon from eating an eraser that looked like pudding, but caused a huge scene with a sample child’s alarm. And Kobayashi didn’t know what they were getting up to over in the ruler section – it looked like they were doing a recreation of the climactic scene of the Empire Strikes Back. Then there was the issue of Kanna getting herself wrapped up in colorful tape, all of which Kobayashi had to pay for.

In the end, all the purchases together came to a whopping ninety-five hundred yen. That wasn’t a small chunk of change, but the proud look on Kanna’s face as they exited the store made it all worth it.

“Not much left to get,” said Kobayashi, looking over the list of supplies again.

“We’re in the home stretch!” Tohru cheered. “Onward ho!”

“Ho!” Kanna repeated, her expression comically neutral despite her excitement.

“Where is our next destination, Miss Kobayashi?” asked Elma.

“Well, I think it’s….”

Tohru’s facer filled with dread, her left eye twitching excessively as she stared at the huge department store down the road from the market district.

“Do we really have to go here of all places?” Tohru groaned.

“Sorry, but there’s nowhere else close to us that sells backpacks,” said Kobayashi.

“I can appreciate our situation, but I don’t like it,” Tohru complained.

“You don’t come in if you don’t want,” said Kobayashi. She looked around noticed a large crowd of people gathering at the end of the street, cheering for something they couldn’t see. “Look, there’s some kind of event going on over there. You could stay and watch that, if you want?”

“An event?” asked Elma, tilting her head.

“Yeah, sometimes upcoming bands and idols perform here to gain attention,” Kobayashi explained.

“Cool,” Kanna said in awe.

“Wonder who’s performing,” Elma pondered out loud with her hand over her eyes. “Wait, hold on, I see a banner…It says…’The world’s number #1 cutest Idol Nelly-Chan.’”

“Nelly-Chan…?” Kobayashi repeated slowly, feeling like she heard that name somewhere before.

And lo and behold, appearing over the top of the crowd, appearing to be standing on a bench, was a familiar face wearing a frilly turquoise dress carrying a microphone in one hand and flashing a peace sign with the other, winking adorably at her fans. Even if the horn wasn’t protruding from her temple, it was impossible to mistake her for anyone else.

“Thank you for coming out everyone!” said Telne in a cutesy, high-pitched voice. “The world’s number #1 cutest idol Nelly-Chan is going to give it her all today! So please cheer me on!”

“NELLY-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!” The crowd of (noticeably male) fans screamed like lunatics.

In the background, a clumsy-looking woman in a business suit and glasses fumbled with a portable stereo until she found the right button and started playing music. Telne (as Nelly-Chan) started singing and dancing – and she was actually very good at it; enough that the crowd started cheering wildly….

But neither Kobayashi nor the dragons could get past the awkwardness of knowing Telne’s secret.

“…On second thought, maybe I’ll join you after all,” said Tohru after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

“Let’s just hurry inside,” said Elma urgently, using her hand to conceal her reddening face.

Despite Tohru’s constant groaning, the family of four rode the escalates to the fourth floor, to a called Child Mog. They found the aisle where dozens of elementary school backpacks of every color were lined up in plastic wrapping. Kanna stared in awe at all the choices.

“Well, Kanna, pick out one you like,” said Kobayashi.

“Um…,” Kanna hummed thoughtfully, biting her bottom lip. After looking back and forth twice, she finally picked out a red bag. “I want this one.”

That’s…surprisingly normal considering, thought Kobayashi.

“Great choice, Kanna,” Tohru praised. “I had a feeling you’d go for a cursed backpack soaked in the blood of humans.”

“Mh-hmm,” Kanna nodded.

That’s was the reason, Kobayashi mentally screamed.

As they made their way to the register to complete their purchase, Kanna stopped when she caught a glimpse of something on one of the racks. It was a little charm in the shape of a rabbit. Kanna was completely enamored by it and couldn’t resist picking it up. She went to ask Kobayashi to buy it for her when –

“That’ll be thirty-eight thousand yen,” said the cashier.

“Holy crap, is this thing made out of gold or something?” Kobayashi did a double take, not noticing how Kanna suddenly stopped behind her, eyes filled with worry.

“Is that too much?” asked Elma.

“No, it’s fine…,” said Kobayashi, grimacing. “I’ll just use my card to pay for it.”

It suddenly struck Kanna how much Kobayashi had spent in one day just for her. As a dragon, and a child no less, she had very little understanding of the concept of money, only that it was important to humans and that having too little caused all sorts of problems. If Kobayashi was already spending so much just to fulfill her wish of going to school, then asking her to spend more on a meaningless trinket was just selfish.

Kanna quietly slipped away and put the charm back, unaware that Kobayashi noticed her out of the corner of her eye.

Their final stop for the day was the Ohyama Clothing Store – a specialty shop for school clothes from elementary to high school. Much like Noyama Stationary, it was drab and dreary in every regard. The only difference is that the shopkeeper wasn’t made of cardboard.

“Miss Kobayashi, Kanna’s gonna pout again if we go in another store like this,” Tohru whispered to the bespectacled woman.

“We don’t have a choice,” said Kobayashi. “This is where the school said we have to go.”

“Conspiracy,” Tohru sang.

“Let it go already,” Kobayashi groaned. She looked through the rack of designated school shoes, looking for the ones in Kanna’s size. “I think these are the ones on our list.”

“They all look the same to me,” Elma pointed out, noticing the similarities in everything from elementary yellow hats to high school sailor uniforms.

“That’s the point,” said Kobayashi. “They want all the kids to wear the same thing so they’ll all look the same.”

“Why would they want that?” asked Tohru strangely.

“Hmm…so no one feels different?” Kobayashi said as more of a question than an answer. “Boys, girls, new students – everyone is supposed to be exactly the same as everyone else. It’s a big deal.”

“…And what happens when you’re different from everyone else?” asked Elma apprehensively. This was starting to sound all too familiar for her taste.

“They ostracize you,” said Kobayashi without a hint of hesitation. “It sucks, but human generally aren’t accepting of people who are different. Japan is probably the worst in that regard. We may act accepting to foreigners, but the Japanese put a heavy emphasis on conforming to homogeneity, which makes it difficult for outsiders to live.”

“That’s so unfair,” Tohru remarked.

“Yeah, I agree,” said Kobayashi. “The truth is, people are just terrified. They fear anything that’s different.”

“…I kinda understand…,” Tohru said, remembering the purse snatching incident where she used Lucy as a wrecking ball. “Still doesn’t make it right….”

Kanna, who had been silent the whole time, tugged on Kobayashi’s shirt. The bespectacled human realized that Kanna must have been upset, worried that her being different would cause problems at school. Kobayashi inwardly kicked herself. A child like Kanna shouldn’t have to worry about adult problems.

“I’m sorry,” Kobayashi apologized, patting Kanna’s head. “Didn’t mean to bring the mood down. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. Just be yourself and you’ll make friends in no time.”

“…Okay,” Kanna replied in a small voice.

Despite any early misgivings, Kanna was genuinely looking forward to going to school. She pranced around the apartment all night showing off her new school bag, soaking up the praise dished out from the adults. And when they went to check on her after she had gone to bed, they found her wearing her backpack to sleep…which looked really uncomfortable based on the way she was sleeping on top of her, her whole body bending around it.

“I can’t believe she wore that backpack for the rest of the day,” said Tohru amusingly. “She must be really excited.”

“Just imagine,” said Elma, smiling softly. “Soon, that will be Lucy looking forward to her first day.”

“And when that day comes, you both will be paying for everything out of your pockets,” said Kobayashi bluntly.

“What do you take us for, Kobayashi?” Tohru gasped dramatically. “We can look after Lucy on our own just fine.”

“Exactly,” said Elma, nodding. “We have at least an thousand years to find steady work before Lucy is ready for school.”

“I forget you dragons have a skewed sense of time,” Kobayashi commented, sweatdropping.

Kobayashi shook her head good-naturedly and watched Kanna as she flipped on her front to get comfortable…then her side…then did an impressive spin to toss the bag altogether.

Chapter Text

Oborozuka Elementary School – Monday morning.

Kanna stood stock still in the front of the blackboard of classroom 3-2 like a N*katan ready to bounce away. She had been looking forward to going to school all weekend, but standing in front of a classroom full of curious gazes was a little unsettling (especially after what Kobayashi said about what they did to people who were different.) Still, she was a dragon, so if there were any problems, she could just blow them up – Lady Tohru gave her permission (without Kobayashi’s knowledge.)

“Good morning, children!” the teacher greeted her student brightly. “Today, we have a brand new student transferring in today.” She gestured to Kanna. “This is Kobayashi Kanna.”

“Hello,” Kanna spoke in a small voice with a polite bow.

Instead of going by her actually family name – Kamui – Kobayashi told Kanna to take her family name instead (Kanna, Tohru, and Elma had all assumed Kobayashi was her given name.) The reason being was so that if there was any trouble or a conference, Kobayashi could pose as Kanna’s parent. If her tail was out, Kanna thought it might start wagging.

“She’s adorable!” a girl squealed.

“Where’re you from, Kanna?” asked a boy.

“Ushishir,” Kanna answered immediately like she had rehearsed. It was a small (uninhabited) island north of Japan close enough to explain why she could speak the language, but far enough not to bring her ethnicity into question.

“She’s from overseas?”

“That’s so cool!”

Unbeknownst to the classroom, including Kanna, someone was peeking in through the window hidden in the brush of the tree outside. It was highly unexpected that someone as rigorous with the rules as Elma would be snooping on private property, but she had a good reason for it! Elma raised her head out of the brush, leaves in her hair, and jotted down something in her notebook.

“I see,” Elma hummed thoughtfully. “New students are formally presented in front of the entire class. Perhaps this is to help them better integrate themselves among their classmates. At the least, Kanna’s introduction has gone smoothly. I wonder what Lucy’s introduction will be like. I hope she doesn’t take after Tohru….”

Yes, this was in preparation for the day when Lucy would eventually (give or take a millennium) join human schools like Kanna. Kobayashi had initially though to ask Tohru, but Elma vehemently volunteered, wanting to learn everything about ‘human educational facilities.’ Kobayashi didn’t argue – she just chalked it up top maternal dragon instinct.

Kanna is a shy girl, Elma thought as Kanna took her seat in an empty desk in the back of the class. Elma jotted down the theory that her placement was due to how late she arrived in the academic year. I hope everything works out fine….

About half an hour into class, the teacher started explaining basic mathematic equations. She wrote down a simple problem (273 + 651) and said to the class:

“Let’s see if any of you can solve this one. Hmm…Kanna, do you think  you can solve it?”

“An oddly simplistic problem for children at that age,” Elma hummed, jotting down in her notebook again. “Is this the extent of what human children are capable, or are they purposely being held back…?”

It came as no surprise that Kanna was able to solve the problem without any difficulty. Dragons were always more intelligent than humans, even more so since education in their world was so heavily restricted to the wealthy. Yet the children seemed to think Kanna was some kind of super genius for solving a basic mathematic equation.

Individual differences are bound to appear even when learning the same thing in the same environment, thought Elma, jotting down another note. Isn’t this a rather inefficient method of learning? Wouldn’t putting them in different classes based on their abilities be a more prolific approach to help them develop? Why put them together based on a specific age group?

As she looked up and saw Kanna take her seat, Elma noticed her desk mate something inaudible. She thinks for a moment, then jots down another note.

After several hours of similar educational lectures, the children were herded outside, forced to wear matching clothes, which reminded Elma of what Kobayashi said the other day. Based on what she read on the internet, this was a period for promoting physical exercise in growing children, hence the name physical education. But as far as Elma could tell, these children were just running, yelling, and throwing a ball.

“Hmm…it appears to be a sport that involves hitting each other with a ball,” Elma hummed, jotting down another note. “How barbaric. Why would adults encourage such violent practices?”

Elma looked up from her notes as a ball bounce off one of the human girls and rolled to Kanna’s feet. The little dragon girl picked it up, tilting her head to observe it curiously. Then, with a huff, Kanna stepped forward and launched the ball across the court. As expected, it hit one of the opposing boys with enough strength to knock him flat on his back and bounced back to Kanna. She picked up the ball and repeated the motion. She did this again and again until everyone on the opposing side was out.

“How merciless,” said Elma disapprovingly. “Tohru has been a bad influence on her.”

“Kanna, you’re incredible!”

“You’re good at everything!”

“Kanna, you think we can be friends?”

Kanna’s singlehanded domination seemed to have attracted a large group of admirers. Kanna, being as shy as she was, only nodded along with barely a word uttered. Once again, it brought for Kobayashi’s warning to the forefront of her mind.

They either alienate the one with power, or accept them as their friend, Elma hummed, jotting down in her notes. Well, they are juvenile humans, after all. They haven’t been tainted by adult perception just yet….

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

Elma let out a startled yelp, jumping out from her hiding place in the bushes. She turned around and noticed a teacher from one of the other classes coming up to her.

“Oh, hello, there,” Elma greeted politely.

“What’re you up?” the teacher questioned her. “This is private property!”

“Oh, I’m not doing anything suspicious,” said Elma, holding her hands up in surrender. “I was just observing little children without them knowing I’m here.”

When the children walked back to class after P.E., Kanna perked her head up curiously as when she saw a car leaving the school grounds flashing its blue and red lights.

Nothing of interest happened for the rest of the day. They went back to the same cycle of educational lectures until the final bell rang, signaling the end of school. The students and teacher said their goodbyes and started gathering their things to leave. But not even a second after the teacher left the room, someone called out to Kanna as she was stuffing her supplies inside her bag.

“Wait a minute, Kobayashi!”

It took a moment for Kanna to realize that they were talking about her and not the glasses-wearing human she lived with; that was going to take some getting used to. Kanna looked over to the one who called her out and the first thing that came to the dragon girl’s mind was that the other girl had a big shiny forehead.

“You are getting way too much attention!” the child declared, pointing an accusing finger at Kanna. “A transfer student should be more modest!”

“Ugh, there Saikawa goes, acting like the class queen again,” one of the boys groaned.

“Shut up! No one asked for your opinion!” the girl known as Saikawa snapped, partially blinding him with her shiny forehead spotlight.

“I’m standing out?” asked Kanna curiously.

“Yes, you are!” shouted Saikawa. “Those clothes are too cute, and you’re so good at everything. It makes me so mad, I wanna give you a hug!”

“Wait, are you mad or do you want to hug her?” one of their female classmates asked cluelessly.

“Both!” Saikawa screamed. “I challenge you, Kobayashi Kanna! I’ll prove to everyone that I’m better than you’ll ever be!”

“Don’t bother with her, Kanna,” one of their classmates warned. “Saikawa’s is a hopeless person who plays dirty and never accepts defeat.”

“You shut your stupid lying mouth!” Saikawa screamed, then rounded back to Kanna. “How about a test of arm strength? I may not look like it, but I’ve won karate compe – “

Saikawa trailed off midsentence, becoming instantly flustered when she saw Kanna tearing up and sniffling.

“I just…,” Kanna sniffled, “I just wanted to be friends….”

If you plastered a picture of a donkey over Saikawa, it would be a perfect representation of how she felt.

“Oh – oh no, I’m – I’m sorry!” Saikawa sputtered, flailing her arms frantically. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you sad! The truth is, I just wanna be friends with you, too, I swear!”

Could you be anymore roundabout, several of their classmates thought.

“Please don’t cry!” yelled Saikawa. “Here, I’ve got candy! Want some candy?”

“You can’t bring stuff like that to school!” one of their classmates pointed out.

“SHUT UP!”

After school had let out, Tohru had been waiting by the front gate to walk Kanna home (since someone had been hauled away by the police.) Kanna rolled the hard candy she received from Saikawa in her mouth as she recounted everything that that transpired on her first day of school.

“So you faked crying, huh?” Tohru hummed thoughtfully. “Seems kind of a devious way to settle things, don’t you think? I would’ve obliterated them and be done with it.”

“Kobayashi said no obliterating people,” Kanna reminded her. The fact that the adult need to be reminded not to kill people was very concerning.

“Yeah, good point,” Tohru conceded. They walked in silence for a few seconds before she spoke up again. “Kanna, why did you decide to you wanted to go to school?”

“It looked fun from watching,” Kanna answered plainly.

“Was it fun?” asked Tohru.

“Yeah.”

“Keep in mind, some aspects might not be too fun,” Tohru pointed out.

“Yeah.”

“We are dragons in human form,” said Tohru. “There’s no reason for us to be equal to the humans. ‘Being’ among humans isn’t the same as ‘living’ with them. You know what I mean.”

“I do,” Kanna nodded. “But…because they’re so close by and live at the same time as us…being together with them seems a lot better than keeping them away.”

“Being together…,” said Tohru, looking down thoughtfully. “I’ve seen many kin destroy themselves because acceptance was too foreign for them and thought exclusion was their only option. I know I used to be the same way….”

“What changed?” asked Kanna.

Tohru knew exactly what had changed. An overbearing goody-two-shoes with a black hole for a stomach. And after that was a teal egg that was waiting to hatch soon. And the latest addition to her list was a silly human who drunkenly pulled a holy sword from a dragon’s back and invited them to live together. The thought brought a humorous chuckle to her lips, which confused Kanna.

“You’ll have to figure that out on your own,” Tohru replied cryptically. “Before we go home, we need to make a quick stop to the police station….”

“Welcome back, you three,” said Kobayashi leaned on the couch with a beer in one hand and Lucy tucked securely on her lap. “Looks like you managed to get Elma free. You didn’t break the jail down, did you?”

“No, I just paid those silly humans in gold ingots,” said Tohru amusingly. “You should’ve seen how they were fussing only a shiny rock.”

“Thank god I already have my own personal security,” Kobayashi muttered, sweatdropping.

“They were so mean!” Elma cried. “I didn’t even do anything wrong!”

“If a suspicious person dressed in a weird costume was watching my kid, I’d be concerned, too,” said Kobayashi, who then turned her attention to Kanna as the dragon girl set her backpack on the floor. “So, how was your first day at school?”

“It was fun,” said Kanna.

“That’s good to hear,” said Kobayashi brightly. She reached for something beside her and held up a paper bag, handing it to Kanna. “Here, this is for you.”

Kanna tilted her head curiously. She opened the bag and pulled out the small object inside. Her eyes went wide, her mouth open in awe. It was the little rabbit accessory she wanted in the store the other day, but decided to put it back.

“But…,” Kanna muttered.

“It’s a gift for entering school,” Kobayashi explained kindly before Kanna had a chance to turn it down. “You should be able to hang it on your backpack.”

Kanna held the little accessory dearly to her chest, smiling to herself. Kobayashi looked straight ahead at the TV, sipping her beer, to spare Kanna and herself from embarrassment. It was strange, Kobayashi thought. Twenty-five years old and suddenly feeling like a mother to a child that wasn’t even hers, on top of said child being centuries older than her.

Still, it was a good feeling.

“Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru cried. “What about me? Don’t I get anything for doing a good job!”

“Here, you can have this,” said Kobayashi lazily, offering her half-empty can of beer.

“I like you, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru, giving the human a blank stare, “but please don’t insult me.”

“Oh…sorry…,” Kobayashi apologized awkwardly.

BONUS

“What’re you doing to your stuff, Kanna?” Tohru asked, noticing that Kanna was putting labels on all her school supplies when she came to dust the child’s room.

“I’m labeling them,” Kanna explained. “They said I’m supposed to put nametags on all my things.”

That ended up giving Tohru a wicked idea. She took one of the labels, quickly scribbled something on it, and went out to the living room. She spotted Elma in the kitchen, bending down to rummage through refrigerator. Tohru walked up behind her wife and gave her a loud smack on the ass, making the former priestess jump with a startled yelp. Tohru smiled proudly at the label slapped on Elma’s round bottom that declared “Property of Tohru.”

“And now it's properly established,” said Tohru.

“TOHRU!” Elma squealed embarrassingly.

Chapter Text

Elma was feeling more and more restless as the days went by, and not because she was on the police’s watch list after sneaking into Kanna’s school a few days ago.

The fact of the matter was that Elma had nothing to do. Miss Kobayashi spend eight hours of the day of the day at work and Kanna now got to go to school, which also took up a huge chunk of the day. Both of them had something to keep them occupied. She would like to say that Tohru was in the same boat as her, but she had really gotten into her role as a maid and spent the entire morning and afternoon washing, scrubbing, dusting, sweeping, and shooting fireballs at crows when they pecked at the laundry (at least Elma got to fix it, for a full three seconds.)

Meanwhile, Elma only had to bath Lucy and dunk her in boiling water twice a day; A dragon egg didn’t require a lot of maintenance. That left her free to do nothing until Kobayashi and Kanna came home.

At the moment, Elma was sitting on the couch with Lucy on her lap, hoping that some mind-numbing television would offer her a distraction. She had turned it on to some random channel, which happened to be a cooking show. Elma huffed in boredom, resting her head in her hand as the host droned on about the benefits of marinating meat in honey.

Tohru, who had been dusting the corners of the ceiling, noticed how dreary her wife was acting and rounded to her.

“What’s wrong, Elma?” she asked earnestly. “You’re still upset about the police thing, are you?”

“No, I’m over that,” said Elma, waving her off. “I’m just so bored! I’ve never had nothing to do back in the old world. I always had work as a priestess, and even when we were on the run, we always had something to occupy us.”

“Hmm, guess you’re right,” Tohru hummed. “Hard to believe it’s been two months since we settled here. It’s been so peaceful, I hardly noticed.”

“Peace is nice, but I still have nothing to do but sit around with Lucy all day,” Elma whined. “Tohru, do something with me, please!”

“I’m busy with maid work,” said Tohru, chuckling at her mate’s childish whining. “If you’re bored, maybe you should consider getting a job.”

“Like Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru explained. “You’ll have something to do for the whole day and you’ll get paid for it. That would definitely help with the bill and food situation since we already have four people living in the same house. Five, once Lucy is hatched.”

“A job, huh…,” Elma hummed thoughtfully. She suddenly jumped up (knocking Lucy on the floor) and raised her clenched fist to the sky. “That’s it! I’ll get a job! And I know just where I’ll start looking!”

Kobayashi had been typing away at code like she normally did for the day, not really paying any mind to anything going on around her. Nothing really changes at Jigokumeguri System Engineering Inc. So Kobayashi nearly jumped out of her skin when one of her co-worked (Matsuri, if she remembered right) suddenly approached and talked to her.

“Kobayashi, you seem a lot more cheerful these days,” she pointed out randomly.

“Eh? Really?”

“Yeah, before it felt like you were behind a wall or something,” she told Kobayashi. “But now you look more at ease. What happened? Did you get a boyfriend?”

“Like that could ever happen,” Kobayashi joked.

Her co-worker laughed before running back to do her own work. Kobayashi went back to typing, but now her mind had something to think about.

Two months – two months since Tohru and her family barged into her home and upended her entire life. In the following days, she had switched apartments, met half a dozen other dragons, practically adopted a child of her own, and been involved with all sorts of shenanigans that went beyond the absurd. It was funny to think how different things were now. In such a short period of time, Kobayashi had become used to the craziness that she couldn’t remember what she was like before the dragons showed up.

Well, it’s not like that’s a bad thing, Kobayashi thought.

The phone on her desk started ringing, snapping Kobayashi out of her thoughts. As she picked up the receiver, she didn’t notice someone walking into the office. Actually, no one noticed her even though she stood out with her crooked horn and big slippery tail.

It had been a while since Elma had to use perception blocking on herself. She typically got along fine by just hiding her tail and horn, but since she technically wasn’t allowed in a private office building, so she had to dust off the old skill.

“I’ve been curious to see where Miss Kobayashi works since I found out she had a job,” Elma said out loud; the spell not only made her invisible, but muted her to the humans as well. “Since Tohru agreed to take care of Lucy in my stead, now is my chance! I think this is the right office….” She searched the crowded office area, immediately honing in on the only person with dull-red hair. “There she is!”

“Yes…yes…yes, understood,” Elma heard Kobayashi mumble as she approached. “Please take care. Thank you.”

She let out an exasperated sigh as she hung up.

“Uh-oh, that didn’t look very good,” Takiya commented.

“Oh, Miss Kobayashi and Mr. Takiya work next to each other,” said Elma, surprised. “Better not tell Tohru….””

“Yeah, no,” Kobayashi groaned, leaning back in her chair. “Remember that project Yamashito was working on? Well, the client just called and said there was an error regarding the product. So if it’s not fixed today, he’s basically screwed.”

“He barely made the deadline, so he must’ve made the error in a rush,” said Takiya. “Sucks that he’s out sick today.”

“I have some space in my schedule,” said Kobayashi, “so I’ll talk to the person in charge and probably end up working over there today. That means I can’t help you out today. Is that okay?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Takiya waved her off. “In exchange for leaving me out to dry, let’s go drinking some time.”

“Like we need an excuse to go drinking,” said Kobayashi, which made Takiya laugh.

Elma was in awe of Kobayashi’s consideration and willing to help someone else. But ias she looked around and listened, she realized it wasn’t just Kobayashi. In practically every corner of the office, humans were asking for help with their work and others were offering it without complaint. Some were even evaluating and correcting a co-working while in the middle of their own work. And they all seemed to be getting along as their only real complaints were over the work schedule, which many seemed to think was unreasonable.

Humans gather together, help each other, and accomplish a great deal, thought Elma as she followed Kobayashi to the printing machine. In a way, this is exactly what the Harmony Faction has always sought to accomplish. Humans and dragons working towards a common goal. If only the Chaos Faction could understand that helping one another isn’t a weakness. Maybe then, Tohru wouldn’t have suffered as she did….

Elma suddenly stopped and tensed up when she looked back at Kobayashi. The bespectacled human was looking directly at her, giving Elma a penetrating stare. But – but how? Perception blocking should be able to make her invisible to all humans who weren’t magically gifted. Does this mean Kobayashi had some latent magical power, or was her being surrounded by dragons every day building up an immunity in her?

Kobayashi looked at her for a couple more seconds…then went back to copying like nothing happened. Elma let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. Good, it didn’t seem like Kobayashi was aware she was here….

For the rest of the day, Elma continued to follow Kobayashi like a silent shadow, watching her every move as she worked. As she did so, Elma started to learn more about coding and how it worked. For some reason, it reminded her of the way magic formulas worked back in her original world. In a fairly short amount of time, Elma learned enough about coding and computers that she felt confident she could accomplish the same amount of work as Miss Kobayashi (or maybe to a lesser extent, Elma thought when she noticed how packed Kobayashi’s schedule was.)

But it wasn’t just her own work. Kobayashi was depending on by almost the entire office. Every so often, a co-worker would come to her desk with their laptop, not understanding what they had done wrong, and Kobayashi would patiently guide them step-by-step until they understood. Some employees didn’t even bring work and simply offered her sweets and coffee when they noticed how ragged she looked, mostly out of gratitude.

“Miss Kobayashi is such a hard work,” Elma said in awe. “She so admirable, helping other with their work on top of her own. Miss Kobayashi really is the best – “

“Kobayashi!” A loud, grating voice brought Elma out of her thoughts. She spun around as an unpleasant-looking bald man stomped over, leering down at Kobayashi. “Where the hell is that copy? You should’ve been done by now!”

“No, not yet,” said Kobayashi, suddenly going neutral.

“What the hell are you even doing?” the unpleasant man yelled at her. “You’re so goddamn useless! Did you forget the part where I told you to finish it immediately! Get your priorities in order, you stupid bitch!”

Elma liked to think that she was a calm and patient individual…but even her patience had its limit. Throbbing veins visibly pulsed on her temple as the spiteful man continued to scream at Kobayashi without giving her a chance to respond. Who the hell did this man think he is?”

“Great, the manager’s going at Kobayashi again,” Elma heard two nearby employees gossiping.

“He pushes his work on poor Kobayashi, then yells at her. It’s nuts because his project isn’t even that crucial.”

“He just hates the idea that women can work. He’s so old fashioned! Last week, he harassed Yoshiko in the break room that she went home early in tears. And when she tried to report him to HR, he said she was lying and he got off without even a slap on the wrist.”

“Man, what a piece of crap.”

The veins were becoming more prominent the longer she listened to them. So not only was this waste of skin harassing his female workers because of some pig-headed misogynistic belief that women didn’t deserve to work, but he was blatantly abusing his position of authority! He was the embodiment of everything the Harmony Faction sought to stamp out. The corruption that often warned heaven’s judgment. Unfortunately, this wasn’t her world and the rules weren’t the same. So even though Elma wanted to smite him, she couldn’t.

“Listen here, you good-for-nothing slacker!” the manager continued his tirade. “Finish this thing fast or your ass is out of here!”

“Understood, sir,” said Kobayashi plainly.

The manager scoffed and walked away. But as he walked by Elma, the former priestess he was he had a smug grin on his face, like he was proud to talk down to a woman.

That – that was the final straw.

It happened so fast and instinctively that Elma didn’t even realize she had done it until it was too late. She swiped her tail at the man’s feet, causing him to fall forward and slam his face on a metal filing cabinet with a dull bang! The misogynistic pig collapsed on the blood, knocked out cold with a bloody nose. The employees sitting nearby jumped out of their seats with surprised gasps.

“What happened?”

“It looked like he tripped!”

“He’s bleeding! Quick, call an ambulance!”

Elma breathed heavily through her nose, jets of hot steams blowing out.

She didn’t realize that Kobayashi was looking at her again….

With the manager in the hospital, Kobayashi was able to finish her work in relative peace. And in no time at all, five o’clock rolled around, which meant she could finally punch out for the day.

“Good work today.”

“Thanks for the help.”

“See ya tomorrow.”

Kobayashi stood out in front of the office building after seeing her co-workers off, stretching her arms over her head to loosen up her tired bones. Sitting in an uncomfortable office chair all day really did a number on your body. Elma, which had been behind Kobayashi the whole time, was relieved to see that the bespectacled human was all right after a long day.

“I should probably get home before Miss Kobayashi does,” Elma said to herself.

She was about to fly straight back to the apartment when –

“Elma?” Kobayashi suddenly called out, startling the former priestess. She turned around, staring blindly at Elma’s direction. “You’re here, right?”

A few seconds of awkward silence passed…then Elma dropped the perception blocking, surprising Kobayashi.

“Whoa, crap, you really were there?” she yelped.

“How did you know it was me and not Tohru?” Elma gaped.

“Hmm…,” Kobayashi hummed thoughtfully for a moment. “Just a feeling, I guess.”

“You really are amazing, Miss Kobayashi,” said Elma admirably.

“I’m nothing special,” said Kobayashi, scratching her cheek embarrassingly.

“That’s not true!” Elma yelled defiantly. “The way you help others in spite of worrying about your own work – it’s very commendable. It makes me want to do my best!”

She pumped her fists to emphasize her point (and made her breasts bounce unnecessarily, which Kobayashi did not appreciate.)

“…Well, as long as your happy,” said Kobayashi, looking away shyly.

“I really am,” said Elma, smiling softly. “Miss Kobayashi…I’m so happy to have met you.”

“…Yeah, same here,” Kobayashi mumbled. “…Let’s go home.”

“Of course,” said Elma, nodding appreciatively.

Though it would have been easier just to fly home, Kobayashi felt like it would be better just to enjoy this quiet moment with Elma. As they headed for the train station, she thought about what he co-worker had said that morning – about how Kobayashi had changed. If she was being honest, Kobayashi couldn’t remember what she was like before meeting Elma and Tohru.

But she found herself thinking that she didn’t care as much….

Everything was normal in the office the next morning. Kobayashi sat at her desk, sipping her coffee contently. Word had quickly spread that the manager had been fired after the company president received an anonymous recording of him abusing his authority. Rumors were flying around about who the possible whistleblower could be, but Kobayashi wasn’t concerned.

She didn’t get him canned for praise or attention – she got him fired because he was a jerk or harassed people for no good reason. Thing around the office should be a little quieter from now on –

“Can I have everyone’s attention, please.” Everyone turned in their seats to the temporary section manager who had taken the old manager’s position under a new one was found. “I know you’re all a little wound up after what happened to the chief – “

“It’s about damn time.”

“Glad karma finally bit his ass.”

“That’s enough,” said the temporary manager. “You can talk amongst yourselves later. For now, I want you all to welcome a new employee to our section.”

“A new employee?” Kobayashi blinked curiously. “At this time of year?”

“Come on in, miss,” the temporary manager called out to someone in the hallway.

The new employee entered the office and Kobayashi found herself freezing in the middle of sipping her coffee.

The employee was Elma! But instead of the otherworldly priestess uniform she favored, she dressed herself like a casual office lady. Even had Kobayashi’s spare glasses despite having perfect vision. With her horn and tail hidden, she could pass for a normal human better than Tohru!

“Please introduce yourself, miss,” said the temporary manager.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” said Elma, bowing respectfully. “My name is Elma Kobayashi. I’ll be working with you starting today. Please take good care of me.”

Kobayashi was going to need a new keyboard – she got coffee on hers.

Chapter Text

“Thank you for your hard work!”

“Thanks, you too,” Telne waved to her co-workers as she exited the Blue Sea Entertainment building.

The second-in-command of the Harmony Faction exhaled an exhausted sigh as she stepped out into the street. Being an idol was a lot of work than she was expecting. She had singing practice where she had to repeat the scales until she was absolutely perfect while maintaining perfect breath control. Dancing practice required her to not only memorize the choreography, but had to make she was perfectly in sync with the other trainees and was not allowed to be even an inch out of step. Acting lessons and language classes were also a requirement (not that Telne had any issues with the latter since she could automatically learn any language.) by the time she was finally let go, she was on the brink of collapsing.

But Telne was never one to run away from hard work. She would become a successful idol one day!

“That being said,” Telne groaned, arching her back like a cat. “All the training is killer on a dragon’s spine.”

A moment later, a sensible car parked in front of the elder dragon. The window rolled down to reveal a brunette woman in a business suit in the driver’s seat.

“Good work today, Lady Telne,” said the woman, smiling brightly.

“Thanks for all your hard work today, Sumiko,” said Telne.

Telne got into the passenger’s side and let out a relaxed sigh as they began their slow drive home. The elder dragon parted her bangs, allowing her horn room to pop out. She wasn’t afraid of Sumiko seeing – her manager already knew Telne was a dragon.

“So, how were lessons today, Lady Telne?” asked Sumiko.

“Brutal as always,” Telne sighed exhausted. “They had me do the same jump and smile technique for almost an hour until I could do it right. Who knew it was so difficult to give a picture perfect smile while bouncing around on a stage. Gotta give hand to the pros. What about you, Sumiko? How are things on the business end of things?”

“Well, I’ve booked you a small gig in an underground live house called Starry,” said Sumiko. “It’s not very big, but the manager there offered us a special discount if you perform as the headliner for their house band. I think he little sister is the drummer.”

“Well, as long as we’re getting work,” said Telne, leaning her head and looking out the window.

“Well, the manager has a few connections,” said Sumiko. “She said if we put on a good show, she would – “

“Wait, stop the car!” Telne suddenly yelled.

Sumiko slammed her foot on the break, bringing the car to a screeching halt. It was a good thing they were driving into the suburban area or there would have been a pile-up behind them.

“What? What’s wrong?” yelped Sumiko, looking around frantically like a scared field mouse.

“It’s Fafnir,” said Telne, pointing out the window.

Indeed, it was Fafnir in his handsome butler form. The reclusive dragon was just standing on the street corner, glaring at nothing at all. There was no doubt that he heard the screech of the tire wheels and turned his head, locking eyes with Telne and Sumiko. His glare intensified. Telne was unbothered, but Sumiko let out a frightened squeak.

“W – Who is that?” Sumiko stuttered. “Is he a friend of yours?”

“Far from it,” said Telne, leering back. “What in the name of heaven and Earth is he doing here?”

Against her better judgment, Telne had brought Fafnir back to her and Sumiko’s condominium. It was roughly the same as Kobayashi’s apartment without the monthly rent. It was a three-bedroom space with Sumiko and Telne’s rooms next to each other and a computer room on the opposite side of the living space. They  living area had a black leather couch with a pair of matching loveseats and a glass table between them, all facing the expensive-looking flat screen TV and game console.

The entertainment business was apparently very lucrative.

Fafnir sat on the couch glaring at Telne in the loveseat, but the elder dragon was unperturbed. Sumiko came out of the kitchen with two mugs of coffee (black for Fafnir, milk and sugar for Telne.)

“Here you go, Mr. Fafnir,” said Sumiko, setting the mug of the table. Fafnir turned his leering red eye on her and Sumiko jumped back with a terrified squeak.

“Stop glaring,” said Telne, casually sipping her coffee. “You’re scaring the poor girl.”

“Why should I care?” Fafnir huffed. “And why did you bring me here?”

“Well, there was no way I was going to leave a Chaos Dragon in the middle of the street doing god-knows-what,” said Telne.

“Hmph,” Fafnir huffed again. “Why are you exposing your horn? I thought you Harmony Faction were dead set about hiding yourselves from the humans.”

“A little late for that now,” said Telne, thinking of the Kobayashi situation. “Besides, she already knew before we met. Tell ‘im, Sumiko.”

“Er, yes,” said Sumiko, giving a stiff bow. “I’m Nishimura Sumiko. I’m a descendant of Lady Telne’s followers from many centuries ago. When Lady Telne arrived in this world, I sensed her presence and sought her out, fulfilling my family’s role of serving her Divine Grace.”

“So you’re a sorceress,” said Fafnir.

“Well…not really,” said Sumiko, fidgeting nervously. “I can’t use powerful spells like some of the other magical families in the area. I’m only good at detection and support magic.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself, Sumiko,” said Telne, setting her mug on the table. “You did a good job for a task that was given over countless lifetimes ago. And you managed to get me work as an idol. I’m very proud of you.”

“Lady Telne…,” Sumiko breathed, touching her reddening cheeks with a happy smile.

“So, what are you doing here, Fafnir?” asked Telne, returning to the matter at hand.

“I’ve made the decision to live in this world for a while?” said Fafnir bluntly.

“…Goddamn it,” Telne muttered exasperatedly. “See what you’ve done Elma?”

“Are you sure, Mr. Fafnir?” asked Sumiko worriedly.

“I would strongly recommend against it,” said Telne firmly. “Can you even live with humans?”

“Yes, I am aware,” said Fafnir. “But if you can do it, then so can I.”

“The different between us is that I’m not a war-mongering Chaos Dragons,” said Telne pointedly.

“Well, if you have no place to go, you could stay – “ Sumiko started to speak until Telne suddenly teleported behind her, slapping her hand over Sumiko’s mouth to stop her from talking.

“If you want to live in the human world, you better do it somewhere far away from here,” said Telne.

“As if I could bear the humiliation of living under the same roof as a Harmony Dragon,” Fafnir scoffed.

“Right back at ya, buddy,” said Telne, glaring.

Sumiko finally moved Telne’s hand out of the way and asked, “Do you have any thoughts on where you might want to live?”

“I imagine a nearby mountain should suffice,” answered Fafnir.

“As long as it’s not around here, I couldn’t care less,” said Telne snarky.

Telne came to regret her decision later that night as she and Sumiko sat down for dinner (Sumiko was a shockingly good cook and made beef udon stir fry.) Sumiko had turned on the news when they started eating as they were beginning their next segment.

“And in our latest story,” said the newscaster, “a few hours ago, accounts of a monster found in the mountains were called into emergency services. Police were dispatched to investigate a creature that’s reportedly to be twenty meters tall – “

Telne’ jaw hanged open disbelief, half-eaten udon spilling out, and dropping her chopsticks on the ground as she looked at the screen and saw the unmistakable silhouette of a dragon in the picture.

“What?” Fafnir questioned irritably as he was called back to the condo the next morning. “Don’t judge me. Why should I be forced to hide who I am in order to appease the humans? Perhaps I should simply destroy them!”

Sumiko cried in fear, tripping over her own feet and fall on the floor. Telne slapped him with a well-placed karate chop between the eyes, making the Chaos Dragon reel back in pain.

“Will you stop being so dramatic?” Telne sighed. “If you want to live among humans, You’ll have to fit in. That’s just the rules.”

“I do not agree to these rules,” Fafnir complained.

“I could just kill you and be done with this headache altogether,” said Telne, emitting a menacing blue aura.

“…I shall abide by these rules,” said Fafnir submissively.

“Great!” said Telne cheerfully. “In that case, I’ll help you find a home, Fafnir! If only to keep you from going on an irritated rampage.”

“Hmph, if I have no other choice…,” Fafnir grimaced.

Telne and Fafnir left the condo (leaving Sumiko behind because she was too scared to be near Fafnir) and walked around the neighborhood for a while.

Fafnir kept an even distance between Telne at all times. He silently wondered if he should strike her down while her back was turned, his Chaos Faction instinct willing him to slay the high-ranking Harmony Faction wench. But his survival instincts vetoed that idea. Even if her back was turned, Telne outclassed him in every regard and would swap him like a mosquito in a moment’s notice.

“Sumiko helped me when I first moved to this world,” Telne informed Fafnir, “so I have an idea of what you’ll need.”

“Is that right?” said Fafnir uninterestedly.

“First you’ll need a family registration,” Telne listed, “then a proof of citizenship, a bank account, and a personal seal. As for residency, I moved in with Sumiko right away, so I don’t know the process of acquiring a place to live. But Sumiko said we should take them to realtor named Fudo, who works in this area.”

“I don’t have those things,” Fafnir pointed out.

“Already did it for you,” said Telne, magically whipping out an envelope behind her back and handing it to the butler dragon.

Fafnir opened the envelope, pulling out a laminated and sealed registry. He seemed mostly unimpressed by the extensive detail that went into making his identity until he noticed the name.

“Hold on,” said Fafnir as they reached the crosswalk. “Did you put name as Ooyama Takeshi?”

“Obviously,” said Telne, snickering. “You were hiding in the mountains when you were discovered, and you are a violent, savage brute, so the name just fit.” Fafnir said nothing in response. “Hey, come on, it’s just a joke. Lighten – “

“You all have been stained,” said Fafnir suddenly.

“Come again?” Telne questioned.

“It’s not just you,” said Fafnir severely. “Tohru, Elma, Kanna – you’ve all gotten far too close to the humans. What happens them when they return to our world? Will they even be dragons anymore?”

“…That’s a leading question, Fafnir,” said Telne, adopting a neutral expression. “But if I’m being honest, I doubt any of them have any intention of returning to our world. It’s not there was anything left for them to begin with.”

“And you?” Fafnir pressed. “Will you remain here?”

“I don’t see why not,” said Telne nonchalantly, turning away from him. “I’ve always thought about retiring and I’ve got a pretty sweet deal here. Sumiko is a scardy cat, but she’s super reliable and a great cook – “

“Eventually, these humans will die,” said Fafnir gravely. “They won’t even last a century. So what then?”

“…Just because you couldn’t get over losing your human,” said Telne, “doesn’t mean they can’t.”

“What do you – “

“You forget that I am all-seeing,” said Telne strongly, “and I have a long memory. Once upon a time, you yourself were fond of humans. One of them in particular. I kept an eye on you both because I worried you were plotting something evil. But the longer I watched, the more I noticed how genuinely happy you and that man were. I was the first time I had ever seen a Chaos Dragon live alongside a human. That’s why I wasn’t worried when Elma’s mate said they were living here with a human of their own.

“But as you said, the man you loved eventually grew old and died. And instead of confronting it, you locked yourself away, trying to fill the hole in your heart with meaningless trinkets.”

Fafnir remained silent, but looked at the ground with a faraway stare.

“Elma and her mate are not like that,” Telne continued. “Indeed, the more time they treasure here, the sadder they will feel when the time comes to part ways with Kobayashi. I know I will be just as sorrowful when Sumiko eventually passes. But sadness isn’t the same as regret. That is why we must treasure each precious moment, so that when we look back, we only remember the good times we shared.”

“…And you believe that these creatures are worth it?” asked Fafnir solemnly.

Telne turned around slowly and gave Fafnir a genuinely kind smile that made the reclusive dragon reel back in surprise as she said, “Don’t you?”

Fafnir said nothing as they walked the rest of the way.

They eventually reach the Mitani Real Estate – which was coincidentally the same real estate agency that Kobayashi found her new apartment. Telne and Fafnir sat in front of the long table as they were introduced by the man called Fudo.

“So, Nishimura recommended me, eh?” said Fudo kindly. “How is that girl?”

“She’s doing fine, Mr. Fudo,” said Telne politely. “So, can you help find a place to live for my er…acquaintance here?”

“Well, that depends on your budget,” said Fudo.

“You mean payment?” said Fafnir. Then, out of nowhere, he drops a huge, glowing chunk of gold on the table. “Is this adequate.”

Telne and Fudo looked at the gold nugget with blank stares. Telne slapped herself; she had gotten caught up in building Fafnir’s identity that she forgot to introduce the concept of money!

“…Does this look like a goddamn pawn shop?” said Fudo with a dark leer.

Unsurprisingly, they were kicked out.

“Well, that was a bust,” Telne commented as they stood like statues on the sidewalk.

“This isn’t a problem,” said Fafnir. “I can just go steal – “

“Do you want to die, brat?” said Telne, stopping the reclusive dragon in his tracks.

As the sun was starting to fall over the horizon, blanketing the skies in shades of orangish-red, Telne and Fafnir relocated to the local park. They sat together on the park bench, watching the children run around on the playground.

“I cannot fathom no currency exchange,” said Fafnir after a long period of silence. “This is such a limit world.”

“I can’t deny that,” said Telne. “At this point, it seems that it would be better for you just to live back in our world and just visit from time to time. It won’t be easy living here if there aren’t any humans you get along with….” Her words tapered off as she stared up at the sky, seemingly lost in thought. Suddenly, she jumped up with a shout, surprising Fafnir. “Wait a minute! There is a human you get along with!”

“What are you talking about?” questioned Fafnir.

“I’m talking about – “

Makoto Takiya was surprised when he heard a knocking on the door to his one-room studio apartment. There weren’t a lot of people who knew where he lived, and he certainly never invited people over for obvious reason. So when he opened the door in his geekified appearance, he was understandably surprised when he found two dragons on his doorstep.

“Nelly-Chan?” said Takiya, looking down at the small elder, then to the gloomy butler. “Oh, and you’re Fafnir. Good to see you.”

“Your that man from the party,” Fafnir recognized him.

“I exchanged contact information with him and Kobayashi back then,” Telne explained. “Mr. Takiya, could I ask you for a favor?”

“Depends,” said Takiya. “What can I help you with?”

“Fafnir doesn’t have a place to stay for now,” Telne explained. “So, if it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could put up with him for a while?”

“You want Fafnir to live here?” asked Takiya, humming thoughtfully. “Well…sure, I guess that’s fine.”

“You mean it,” said Telne, surprised he accepted so fast.

“It’s a small place,” Takiya informed them, “but I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?” questioned Telne. “You do realize we’re talking about a savage barbarian of a dragon – “

Telne trailed off when she looked at Fafnir…who had strangely gone docile and was fidgeting in place like a curious child.

“Uh, human,” said Fafnir without a hint of malice in his voice. “The last time we met….”

“You like that game?” asked Takiya, somehow telepathically knowing what Fafnir was talking about.

“Yes, but I’m curious,” said Fafnir. “Are there others like it?”

“Why don’t you come on in and I’ll show you,” Takiya invited him.

Fafnir walked inside and slammed the door in Telne’s face. The elder dragon stood frozen on the doorstep, dumbfounded, with the only sound coming from the passing breeze.

“…Why do I get the feeling that he had an ulterior motive for coming to this world?” Telne muttered to herself.

Chapter Text

For some reason, it had inexpiably turned summer even thought it had been the middle of Spring just yesterday. But wacky time shenanigans aside, it was time for the obligatory bikini-clad beach episode.

Miss Kobayashi and her dragon roommates arrived on the edge of the crowded beach after a ten minute drive (on dragon back.) You could definitely tell it was summer by the way hundreds of people swarmed the sands and waves.

“Wow!” Elma gushed, hugging her eggs to her (bouncing) breasts. “The beaches of this world are so pretty!”

“Figures a water dragon would appreciate the ocean,” Kobayashi commented humorously.

“There’s so many people!” Tohru joined in. “Don’t you just want to mow them all down at once, Miss Kobayashi?”

“Can’t say I do,” said Kobayashi with a blank stare.

“Is the ocean here salty?” asked Kanna curiously.

“Yup, sure is,” answered Kobayashi. “Just be careful, all right? The beaches had a tendency to attract a lot of weirdos.”

“Excuse me, ma’am, but you’re going to need to come with me!”

Kobayashi and the dragons looked down the way towards the sound of the commotion. They mutually sweatdropped as they witness Lucoa, wearing the skimpiest bikini in human history, being dragged away by the lifeguard.

“Wait, why?” Lucoa cried.

“Your swimsuit is way too inappropriate!” said the lifeguard.

“NOOOOOOOO!” Lucoa cried as she was dragged off the scene.

“Well, that was entirely expected,” Kobayashi remarked.

They spent the first ten minutes on the beach searching for an empty spot to set up. Kobayashi was practically dead under the baking sun until Tohru managed to spot (and it only required threatening a family of four with the promise of a blazing death.) Kobayashi should have apologized…but she was too busy cooling down under the shade of the umbrella that Tohru popped open. Kanna was staring out into the open ocean and Elma was fitting Lucy with a swim ring when Lucoa (now wearing a more decently covered swimsuit) found them.

“Phew, they finally let me out,” she said.

“Wasn’t expecting to see you here, Lucoa,” said Kobayashi. “I heard Telne and Fafnir were living here, but I didn’t know you were stay, too.”

“Oh, I’m not,” said Lucoa. “I was just coming to visit Tohru and Elma when I heard you were going to the beach together. I thought it might be fun, so I decided to come along.”

“And you thought your original choice of swimsuit was the best option?” said Kobayashi, sweatdropping. “When did you even have time to go shopping for one, let alone two?”

“Oh, these aren’t clothes, they’re scales,” said Lucoa, giggling.

“Oh, that’s right, I forgot you dragons don’t actually wear clothes,” said Kobayashi, trying hard not to change the age rating by imagining all these busty dragons (and loli) naked.

“We looked up designs on the internet,” said Tohru, striking a seductive pose. “Are you jealous.”

“Of the suit, no,” Kobayashi admitted bluntly, glaring at their mountainous breasts. “Of what’s filling them out, yes.”

“I wanna go play, please?” Kanna pleaded.

“I guess we’re going to go play for a while,” said Elma, picking up Lucy and starting to make her way to the water. “It’s been such a long time since I’ve been able to submerge in a large body of water like this! The coolness of the waves, the salt on my scales! I can’t wait to – “

“Hey, did you hear they’re bringing back squid ink spaghetti at the Lemon Beach House?”

Elma froze mid-step, her foot literally hovering an inch above the sand. A pair of tanned beach bros were walking past, talking loudly.

“Oh man, that stuff is so good,” one of them said as they walked in front of Elma. “I tried it last year, and it was one of the tastiest meals I’ve ever had.”

“I heard they’re using a special kind of rare squid ink,” said the other man. “And that it’s only available for a limited time.”

“Crap, man, we better get over there fast!”

“Uh…Elma?” Tohru called out, noticing that he wife hadn’t moved for a while now.

Suddenly, and without warning, Elma threw Lucy the Egg at her mate like she was punting a football. Tohru managed to catch the dragon egg before it slammed against her stomach, but the surprise and impact was still enough to knock Tohru off her feet, hitting the sand and sliding across the beach for twenty meters until the ground exploded beneath her. Kobayashi stared, dumbstruck, at the mushroom cloud on one end of the beach and the dust trail kicking up on the other side.

“TAKEOFLUCYFORME,OKAY!THANKS!LOVEYOU!HAVINGAFUNTIME!” Elma shouted incoherently before she disappeared off into the horizon.

“And there she goes,” Kobayashi remarked, sweatdropping.

“Damn Elma and her bottomless stomach,” Tohru groaned, coming back in bruises and scratches (while Lucy the Egg remained surprisingly unscathed.)

“Whoa, are you okay?” asked Kobayashi, concerned.

“Huh, oh, yeah, this is nothing,” Tohru waved it off nonchalantly.

“I wanna play!” Kanna whined.

“Guess with Elma out, it’s just me, Lucy, and Kanna,” said Tohru. “What’re you going to do, Miss Kobayashi?”

“Hmm…,” Kobayashi hummed thoughtfully. “Probably nothing.”

“What’s the matter with you, Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru complained. “You haven’t seemed excited all day.”

“There’s a good reason for that,” said Kobayashi pointedly. “To be honest, I’m not a huge fan of the beach.”

“EH?!” Tohru shouted in surprise.

“I think you might’ve been too honest,” Lucoa chortled.

“Whatever,” Kobayashi groaned. “It’s hot, I burn, and sand gets everywhere. I much prefer to stay indoors.”

“If that’s true, then why agree to come out to a beach with us?” questioned Tohru.

“I have my reasons,” said Kobayashi in a would-be dignified tone. “Primarily, I don’t have a whole lot going on this summer. And I figured we might as well go somewhere together.”

“Wait, I get it!” said Tohru smug, pointing an accusing finger at Kobayashi. “This is one of those ‘tsundere’ things, am I right?”

“No,” said Kobayashi, going into ‘lecture mode’ as the dragons called it. “Tsunderes are people who ‘tsun’ most of the time, but turn ‘dere’ when they are alone with the people they like. I don’t want to be a fundamentalist, but what I feel with tsunderes these days is that once they go ‘dere,’ they just stay like that – “

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Tohru groaned.

“Play! Now!” Kanna was on the verge of a full-blown dragon tantrum.

“Just hold on a second, Kanna,” said Tohru patiently. “Miss Kobayashi, do you need anything before I got play with Kanna. Maybe a cool drink or help applying sunscreen.”

“Nah, I’m good,” said Kobayashi, waving her off. “I already applied while getting changed and we brought a cooler filled with (non-alcoholic) drinks, so I’m set.”

“Well, if you’re fine then,” said Tohru. She set Lucy on the towel and opened said cooler, pulling out a chilled watermelon. “How ‘bout we do some watermelon splitting?”

“I’m in!” Kanna cried quickly.

Tohru pulled out a blindfold from who knows where (seriously, she doesn’t have pockets) and wrapped around Kanna’s eyes and offering her a stick. Kobayashi watched the little dragon stumble around, following Tohru and Lucoa’s overlapping directions. Somehow, she managed to make it in front of the watermelon. She raised the stick and brought it down…. The Watermelon exploded everywhere in gory haze of red, some of which splattered on Kobayashi’s glasses. The shut-in office worker didn’t have any words.

“Good job, Kanna!” Tohru praised the little dragon, who hand her fists raised in celebration. “You obliterated every last trace of it!”

“Honestly, I don’t know why I expected anything else,” Kobayashi mumbled.

“I wanna swim now, Kanna demanded.

“Hell yeah, I wanna swim, too!” Tohru cheered.

“Just be sure you don’t go too far out,” Kobayashi warned them.

“What? How come?” asked Tohru.

“It’s dangerous,” said Kobayashi simply.

“Hmm, yeah, I guess you’re right about that,” said Tohru thoughtfully. “Okay, not too far. I still remember that time when Elma’s uncle Leviathan almost killed me and I don’t want a repeat of that.”

“What’d you do?” asked Kobayashi.

“I was banging his niece, remember?” Tohru pointed out.

“Never say the word ‘banging’ again,” said Kobayashi bluntly. “Anyway, I was talking about drowning, not sea monsters.

“Oh yeah, I forgot that humans don’t have the ability to breath underwater?” Tohru laughed. “Stupid, inferior species.”

“You can breathe underwater?” questioned Kobayashi, raising a brow. “I mean, I can understand Elma, being a water dragon and all. But….”

“Well, of course!” chirped Tohru. “There’s nothing like swimming to your hearts content!”

What? Does she have gills now? Kobayashi pondered.

Kanna challenged Tohru to a race, the target being a floating platform in the water. Tohru enthusiastically accepted. Kobayashi thought everything would be fine if it was just a little swim…but she completely underestimate the level of destruction these two could cause from a simple activity. When given the starting signal, Tohru and Kanna dived into the water, shooting through the waves like torpedoes. When they reached the platform, it caused a huge explosion that attracted the attention of everyone on the beach.

But on the bright side, Tohru won!

“That was too far!” Kobayashi scolded the pair when they came back.

“We know, we’re sorry,” Tohru and Kanna apologized in unison.

“You are going to give me gray hairs before I even reach thirty,” Kobayashi sighed, turned away and ruffling her hair in an agitated way, like she was afraid of sprouting gray hairs. She looked up and hummed curiously when her eye landed on something at the back of the beach.

“Is something wrong, Miss Kobayashi?” asked Tohru curiously, noticing that she was staring at a small shack where a big chinned man was selling shaved ice.

“Huh, oh, it’s nothing,” Kobayashi waved her off. “I just realized that old man hasn’t changed much since the last time I saw him.”

“When was that?” questioned Tohru.

“Back when I was a little kid,” Kobayashi answered with the barest hint of a smile. “I used to come to this beach with my family a lot.”

“Family…,” Tohru mumbled softly, her gaze suddenly lowering to the sand.

Neither of them were paying attention to Kanna, who found a giant crab and swallowed it whole without thinking.

“Hey, you okay?” Kobayashi asked, noticing how subdued she had become.

“What? Oh, I’m fine,” said Tohru halfheartedly. “…Miss Kobayashi? Could you tell me more about your family? I mean, that is, if you don’t mind telling me.”

Ah, so that’s it, Kobayashi thought. It was no secret that Tohru didn’t have the most stellar relationship with her family, much less her father.

“Yeah, okay, sure,” said Kobayashi, tilting her to the sky, losing herself in her thoughts. “I think we were a normal family for the most part. I felt like I was raised normally, at least. They got me through collage, so I can’t complain. After that, though, I left home to go to work. I call my parents every now and then to catch up. Tell them how I’m doing and stuff like that. I uh…I haven’t seen them in a while now.”

“And is that considered normal for a human family in this world?” asked Tohru.

“I suppose,” answered Kobayashi uncertainly.

Normal, huh, thought Tohru. Then why would she welcome a dragon into her home? And if she’s from a normal family, why aren’t most humans as accepting as Kobayashi. I don’t get it…. Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the humans of this world actually could accept dragons….

She could already hear her father’s voice, telling her that she’s delusional, that humans are all lying, backstabbing worms and that she should just kill them all….

“You sure you’re okay?” Kobayashi’s voice broke through her mental haze, snapping Tohru back to reality.

“…Yeah, don’t worry, I’m fine,” said Tohru, putting in obvious effort to force a smile on her face. “It’s just…I don’t know why, but I’m feeling a little…listless today.”

“…Do you think you might be getting a little homesick?” Kobayashi wondered after a moment’s pause.

“No, not particularly,” said Tohru, shaking her head.

“Well, that makes one of us, then,” said Kobayashi, looking sideways and staring off into the distance…where Kanna had just wrangled another crab and gobbled it up in one bite. “All this talk about family makes me feel like I need to go visit my parents.”

“I’d like to see my parents every now and then,” Tohru commented. “And I would love to introduce you to them.”

“Then why don’t you?” asked Kobayashi.

“Because I’m pretty sure they’d kill you,” said Tohru with a tone of absolute certainty.

“Well, that seems a bit excessive,” Kobayashi quipped, as if the threat of death was something she could brush off. “But I guess that’s just normal in your world, right?”

“Yes,” Tohru nodded. “Though from my parent’s perspective, I’m about as far from ‘normal’ as you can get. Mating with a dragon from the Order Faction, siring a child, living among humans. They think of me as ‘abnormal.’ It saddens me….”

“If you want my opinion,” said Kobayashi, “I think that just means you’ve become independent.”

“Independent?” Tohru parroted curiously.

“You’ve developed your own set of values completely different from your parents,” said Kobayashi.

“So you mean, I’ve become an adult?” Tohru gasped.

“Who knows,” said Kobayashi, shrugging nonchalantly. “I’m not even sure about myself. Most people don’t even try to become adults. They just reach a point in their lives when they realize they can’t stay children anymore.”

“Ooh, that’s deep, Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru praised.

When I talk to Tohru about this kind of stuff, it makes me kinda sad, too, thought Kobayashi. Kanna had come back with a dozen crabs pinching her face in revenge for their fallen brethren and asked for Tohru’s help taking them off. Lucoa was looking for Lucy, not realizing the egg was lodged deep in her cleavage. Certainly drives home the difference between our two worlds….

Although, that’s probably why I feel like I need to cherish the time we spend together so much.

“We should probably head out soon,” Kobayashi spoke out loud, looking up and down the beach. “Has anyone seen Elma? She’s been gone a while now.”

“She was definitely going to that place with squid ink spaghetti,” Tohru reminded her. “Something about a lemon…?”

“Oh, the Lemon Beach House,” said Kobayashi. “Yeah, I heard that place has gotten pretty famous since last year. Something about a new mascot….”

About an hour earlier, Elma had taken off down the beach once word reach her ears of a famous food, kicking up a sandstorm in her wake. She was salivating at the thought of whatever delicious food she would soon partake in. And in no time at all, she discovered her target: a quaint little shack marked with the name ‘Lemon Beach House.’

“There it is!” Elma cheered. “The Lemon Beach House! Squid Ink Spaghetti, here I come!”

 Elma skidded to a stop at the entrance of the beach house, kicking up sand that buried several people who were walking by. The former priestess bound ahead with glee…until something smacked her in the face, hard. She flopped on her back in the sand, her nose red from the hit. She sat up with a whining complaint, raising her head to look at the attacker.

It was a strange child in a white dress with a strange hat with fins on it. Her light-blue hair was parted into eight sections…and they were wiggling around like they were alive. The strange girl held up her hand to Elma in a declaration  to stop.

“Hold it right there, you monster!” shouted the girl. “You’re not getting anywhere this place-de geso!”

“Hey, what’s the big idea!” Elma complained, fuming. “I’m a paying customer! You can’t treat me like this!”

“You can’t fool me-de geso!” said the girl dramatically, striking a pose with her ‘hair’ flailing dangerously. “I will not allow a dangerous sea dragon to enter my base of operations-de geso!”

“You – you know I’m a dragon?” Elma gasped in shock, shocked that her perfect disguise had been blown. “Who are you?”

“I am the emissary of the sea-de geso!” the girl announced proudly, fists on her hips. “I am Squid Girl!”

Chapter Text

Elma was flabbergasted (that’s the word, right? She could barely keep up with the humans’ constantly changing language.) Her perfect disguise – capable of fooling any human – had been exposed by a child. But she wasn’t just any child. She was –

“I am the emissary of the sea-de geso!” the girl announced proudly, fists on her hips. “I am Squid Girl!”

“Squid…Girl?” Elma repeated slowly, tilting her head cluelessly. For some reason, that sounded very familiar….

“That’s right-de geso!” said Squid Girl, pointing an accusatory finger at the dragon. “I have declared this my base of operations for my ink-vasion of the surface world-de geso! I won’t allow a dangerous sea serpent to intrude – “

“What the hell do you think you’re doing you idiot?” A redheaded teenage girl ran up behind the ‘Emissary of the Sea’ with gritted teeth, slamming her knuckles across the back of her head. The Squid Girl cried, clutching the place where she was hit. “How many times do I have to tell you not to attack the customers? Are you trying to get us sued? Because I have no problem adding the legal fees to your debt!”

“But, Eiko, I was just protecting the beach house from a dangerous beast-de geso!” whined Squid Girl, her eyes tearing up.

“And don’t go around calling people ‘beasts!’” Eiko snapped, shaking her fist. “The last thing we need is people cancelling us online. God, I miss the days when cancel culture wasn’t as prominent….” The human girl flipped around toward Elma, who was touching her chin thoughtfully. “I are so  very sorry our her. H-How ‘bout a ten percent discount on anything you – “

“AHH! Now I remember!” Elma suddenly yelled, making Eiko jumped. She pointed at Squid Girl and said, “You’re an Atlantean! That’s why you were able to figure out my identity!”

“Huh?” Eiko mumbled dimwittedly.

“Yeah, that’s right-de geso,” Squid Girl answered bluntly. “You’re aura is way more powerful than normal humans-de geso.”

“WHA?!” Eiko squealed. “Wait, seriously? An Atlantean? Like…like the lost city of Atlantis? That’s where you’re from? Why did you never say anything before?”

“You never asked-de geso?” Squid Girl responded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Eiko looked like she really wanted to hit her again.

“It’s been a while since I saw one of your kind,” said Elma pleasantly. “I remember when I was just a hatchling fresh out of my egg. My granny took me on a trip to visit the Atlanteans when they decided to migrate to another world. I knew my granny helped them move, but I never realized that it was this world. What are the chances.”

“Your granny was the Sea Goddess Telne-de geso?” Squid Girl gasped.

“That’s my granny,” said Elma, grinning proudly.

“Why didn’t you say so-de geso!” said Squid Girl. How quickly she changed her tune as she took the sea dragon’s hand and guided Elma into the beach house. “Any relative of the goddess is okay in my book! Here, let me show you to our best table-de geso!”

“Thank you,” said Elma gratefully.

“What is happening here…?” Eiko asked herself, slumped over with a confused expression, before trudging after them.

Squid Girl graciously led the former priestess to an available table closest to the counter (guess that counts as ‘best.’) Elma took a seat and turned her head when she saw a woman who had a similar hairstyle to Eiko, but was a lengthy indigo-blue and her eyes were suspiciously squinted. Perhaps her older sister, Elma thought. The woman seemed to be a very diligent worker as she was cooking several orders on the open stove without a bead of sweat on her seemingly flawless complexion. Though there was a…feeling that her kindly demeanor was a front to something dangerous. Elma’s every instinct told her not to upset this woman or it would end badly.

“Chizuru, Chizuru!” Squid Girl fearlessly ran up to the counter like the enthusiastic child she is. “Chizuru, guess what-de geso?”

“Oh my, what’s got you so excited, squiddy?” asked Chizuru, giggling at the rambunctious Atlantean.

“That woman is a sea goddess!” said Squid Girl, pointing out of her tentacles at Elma, who waved politely.

“Oh my, a sea goddess,” said Chizuru, clapping her hands cheerfully. “I didn’t know we had a celebrity in our little humble beach house.” She gave Elma a polite bow. “Thank you for your patronage, miss sea goddess.”

“No, no, there’s no need for all that,” said Elma, waving them off embarrassingly. She’s been several centuries since anyone has worshipped her – and the last people that did ended up roasted by her mate. “I’m just a simple customer today. No need for any special treatment.”

“How gracious,” Chizuru smiled.

“Can’t believe how casual you are about this, onee-chan,” Eiko sighed exasperatedly, then moved to Elma’s table and pulled out her notepad. “So, Miss Sea Goddess, what can I get for you?”

“Well, I’ve been hearing how great your squid ink spaghetti is,” said Elma, lipping her lips, “and I really want to try it.”

“I think we should have a few more plates of cooked noodles in the back,” said Chizuru, humming thoughtfully for a moment. “Squid Girl, would you go in back and bring out a plate for Miss Sea Goddess? Make sure the squid ink is fresh, okay?”

“You can count on me-de geso!” said Squid Girl, pounding her chest proudly.

“Man, she practically idolizes you,” said Eiko humorously as they watched Squid Girl dash towards the backroom, accidentally tripping over her own feet and falling flat on her face. She and Elma winced. Squid Girl stood back up, wiping the ink from her nose, and disappeared through the door. “I guess you really are a sea goddess or something.”

“Well, technically, I did have some worshippers a while back,” said Elma with a nervous chuckle, decidedly not mention how they were all burned alive. “But I’m not the same one that Squid Girl revers. That was my granny. She helped the Atlanteans build their city when they moved here.”

“So that whole Atlantis stuff,” said Eiko curiously,. Leaning against the table. “That’s all true?”

“Yes,” Elma nodded.

“A Squid Girl’s one of those Atlanteans?” asked Eiko.

“Well, she’s a type of Atlantean,” said Elma, crossing her arms and furrowing her brow in thought. “I was still a hatchling at the time, so I don’t remember much. But I think there were dozens of different ones that resemble Earth sea life. There were squids and octopus. Sharks and urchins. Jellyfish and seahorses. And I’m sure there’s a whole bunch more.”

“No kidding?” said Eiko interestedly. “I always figured that Atlantis was just a myth. Like ghosts or Santa Claus.”

“Uh…,” Elma hummed hesitantly. Should Elma tell her…nah, probably best to leave it alone.

“But if there’s a whole city of fish people like Squid Girl,” Eiko chimed curiously, “how come nobody’s see one until she decided to show up at the beach house?”

“Well, the Atlanteans are isolationists,” said Elma. “The reason they came to this world in the first place is because they wanted to escape from the dangers of our own. Which makes me wonder.” She crossed her arms, bowing her head thoughtfully. “What is Squid Girl doing so far away from home?”

“She said she wants to ‘ink-vade’ humanity or something like that,” said Eiko, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Though I’m pretty sure she’s forgotten all about that by now. She’s been staying with us for over a year and the most she’s ‘ink-vaded’ is our expense account.”

“But why is she here alone?” Elma asked Eiko curiously. “If she’s been away from home for so long, how come no one has come looking for her?”

That actually made Eiko pause for a moment. The high school girl never really thought about it that much since Squid Girl basically integrated herself into the Aizawa family, but…. Yeah, why hasn’t anyone come looking for the squid kid? Surely someone would’ve come looking after disappearing for a year. And for that matter, why has Squid Girl not gone home by now, not even to let her friends and family know she was okay?

The questions rattled around in Eiko’s head until her brain started to hurt. But her thoughts were quickly derailed when the subject of their conversation came out of the backroom carrying a plate of pasta noodles practically drenched in slick black ink. Squid Girl set the plate on the table in front of Elma, who’s eyes lit up with delight, looking mighty proud of herself.

“Presenting Squid Girl’s world famous squid ink spaghetti-de geso!” Squid Girl declared triumphantly. “I’d say this is my best one yet-de geso. Then again, is it any surprise that a super smart and super talented ink-vader like me would come up with something so delicious that dumb humans beg for more-de geso?”

“You didn’t even come up with the idea,” Eiko pointed out, annoyed; her pondering completely thrown out the window. “Chizuru does the cooking. All you do is pour some ink on top.”

“Well, it still wouldn’t be good without my ink, so there-de geso!” Squid Girl pouted childishly.

Eiko pinched the bridge of her nose with a soft groan. Can’t believe she was worried about this annoying freeloader for a second….

“This looks delicious!” Elma squealed excitedly, her eyes shining like stares. She clappewdher hands together, as was the traditional before eating a meal, like Miss Kobayashi taught her. “Don’t mind if I dig in! Itadakimasu!”

Elma grabbed the provided fork and stabbed the spaghetti like she was slaying a wild boar (Which she has actually done before.) Eiko made a startled noise when the former priestess picked up the entire serving of ink-coated noodles and stuffed it inside her mouth, both cheeks crammed to the max. Both the human and Squid Girl stared, mouths agape, as Elma took maybe four or five bites before swallowing it whole (Eiko could literally see the outline of the pasta sliding down her throat before it disappeared into her stomach.) Elma exhaled a slight belch (“Excuse me!” she said embarrassed), then her eyes sparkled once again.

“Ah, that was so yummy!” Elma squealed. “The noodles were cooked nice and tender without being too soggy. And the addition of fresh squid ink truly compliments the dish with its smooth texture and pungent aroma, not to mention the delicate, briny flavor and umami depth. Though it could use a little more salt when boiling the noodles. And though it’s delicious on its own, some white wine could enhance the flavor. And maybe add in a few extra ingredients like cherry tomatoes, some feta cheese, and maybe some shrimp or scallops.”

“Hmm, hmm, I see,” said Chizuru, who had suddenly popped up and started taking notes of Elma’s critique. “These are some great ideas. I’ll be sure to try them next time.”

“Wow, you’re a regular gourmand, aren’t you?” said Eiko, taken aback by the entire scene.

“Just what you would expect from a sea goddess-de geso!” Squid Girl declared proudly, punching her fist in the air like she was the one receiving praise.

“What’re you so gung-ho about?” Eiko questioned her ink-vader roommate.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” said Elma, scratching her head shyly. “I just really like food.”

“We could tell,” said Eiko.

“Hey, hey, Miss Goddess!” Squid Girl bounced excitedly, slapping her hands on the table. “You wanna join my ‘ink-vasion club-de geso? If we work together, we could totally conquer the surface world-de geso!”

“Eh?” Elma squealed in shock. “No, no, no, no, no, no way! I am a (former) member of the Harmony Faction! I can’t conquer humanity! It’s against the rules!”

“They call themselves an invasion club,” said Eiko, shrugging her shoulder, “but really it’s just Squid Girl and her friend going around playing and eating at restaurants.”

“Hey, we do way more than that-de geso!” Squid Girl shouted indignantly. “We’re real ink-vaders-de geso!”

“Last week, Kiyomi and her friends invited you to ‘ink-vader’ the movie theater so that you could watch Mecha Suits: Wizards from Mars,” said Eiko with a taunting smirk, making Squid Girl’s face heat up in frustration. “The only thing you conquered there was the popcorn bucket.”

“Stupid Eiko!” Squid Girl shouted.

“Wow, the ink-vasion club sounds fun!” said Elma, clapping her hands in delight. “How do I join?”

“Wait, seriously?” asked Eiko, sweatdropping.

“Hah! The great Sea Goddess knows a real ink-vader when she sees one-de geso!” said Squid Girl haughtily.

Chizuru watched the human, the squid, and the dragon go back and forth like an entertaining program. She couldn’t help giggling. Their lives have gotten more interesting ever since Squid Girl marched in declaring their shack as her base of operations. And now this new woman – a sea goddess – joined the fray. Chizuru hoped she and Squid Girl would become good friends.

“Hey, Squid Girl, why don’t you end your shift early for today?” Chizuru suggested. “You and Miss Sea Goddess could go play.”

“Really?” Squid Girl gasped excitedly.

“You should go too, Eiko,” said Chizuru.

“Wha – me?” Eiko sputtered, spinning around to her older sister. “What about the Lemon Beach House.”

“There are fewer customers around at this time,” Chizuru pointed out. “And Nagisa should getting in for her shift in a little while. Plus, we have plenty of squid ink stored up for a few more plates.” She stared pushing her sister towards the entrance. “Go on, you and squiddy have fun. We’ll be fine on our own.”

“Hey, don’t be so pushy,” Eiko groaned. “Fine, if you insist. Guess I got no choice.”

“In that case,” said Elma, rising from her seat. “How about we go for a swim.”

A hundred miles out from the Japanese shore, Squid Girl jumped out of the water like a dolphin, her arms and tentacles spread wide eagle, laughing wholeheartedly. She had tossed away her dress and shoes, leaving her in a one-piece white swimsuit. Emerging from the water behind her was Elma in full dragon form, the water gushing around her as she breached the surface. Eiko, still her work clothes, was clinging to Elma’s horn as she screamed at the top of her lungs. Miraculously, she was dry as a bone thanks to Elma’s magic shielding the human when the submerged.

Squid Girl and Elma glided across the surface of the water like a pair of torpedoes in an impromptu race, grinning from ear-to-ear (or as much as a dragon could, anyway.) The only one who wasn’t enjoying herself was Eiko.

“Slow down! Slow down! I’m gonna die!” she squealed.

“Stop being such cuttlefish!” Squid Girl laughed. “We’re perfectly fine!”

“Cram it, fish girl!” Eiko snapped. “I’m serious, get me – WA-A-A-A-A-AH!”

Elma had leapt into the air and came crashing back down again.

Roughly twenty minutes later, Elma and Squid Girl conceded to Eiko’s fear-driven sobs and stopped in the middle of the ocean. They had no idea where they were; there wasn’t a sign of land for miles. Elma waded on the surface while Eiko and Squid Girl walked around her slippery hide, taking a seat on her back, leaning against her fin. Eiko had brought along a fishing pole and cast out into the water; Squid Girl similarly used her tentacles.

“Now this is more my speed,” said Eiko serenely. “You sure it’s okay if we fish on your back, Miss Sea Goddess.”

“It’s perfectly fine,” said Elma, her voice echoing in her dragon form. “I’m just happy to be able to swim in my natural form again. And please, call me Elma.”

“Thanks, Elma,” said Eiko gratefully. “If we’re this far out, maybe we’ll catch some fresh fish to take back home. Chizuru will love that.”

“I’ll catch way more fish than you-de geso,” said Squid Girl confidently. “I was raised in the sea, after all.”

“We’ll see about that,” Eiko smirked, enthusiastically accepting the challenge.

 In as little as ten minutes, Eiko was gritting her teeth in frustration. Squid Girl was pulling fish out of the water one after another until there was a small pile floundering around on Elma’s back. Meanwhile, the human girl hadn’t even gotten a single nibble! Why? Did her tentacles produce some kind of chemical that attracted fish? Like catnip? Fishnip? Either way, Eiko was not about to accept defeat graciously. She started swinging her rod around wildly with a frustrated howl, which only did more to drive away the fish. Meanwhile, Squid Girl caught another three in the same instant.

Then Elma, who had been quiet the whole time, suddenly spoke up.

“Hey, Squid Girl…,” she hummed softly. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure!” Squid Girl chirped, reeling in another fish.

“Where’s your family?” asked Elma. The normally exuberant Atlantean suddenly went uncomfortably silent, and Eiko noticed her tentacles sagging slightly. “Forgive me for prying, but…Atlanteans have always been a close-knit community. It’s very rare to hear one alone – especially when your home is on the opposite side of the world…. So why are you here?”

Another bout of uncomfortable silence passed.

“You don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want – “

“Humans…have been polluting the ocean for years-de geso,” Squid Girl spoke, her voice hollow. “They threw dump their chemicals, and waste, and trash into the water without consideration of the creatures that live there. And as the pollution builds up along the shores, it becomes that much more difficult for sea life to get near land, forcing them into deeper waters-de geso. It also effects the ecosystem under the sea. Food becomes scarce and a lot of sea dwellers die thanks to toxins and things like plastic and metal.

That goes for the Atlanteans, too-de geso. Our population has severely decreased thanks to human pollution. By the time I hatches, there was only a few dozen of us left…. And I was the only one in my entire clutch to hatch-de geso. My brothers and sisters…didn’t make it.”

“Squid Girl…,” Eiko murmured, uncertain of what to say. This is the first time Squid Girl ever talked about her past.

Elma remained silent and thoughtful.

“One day, I went scavenging for food,” said Squid Girl. “I didn’t find much; just some crabs and a single shrimp-de geso. But when I went back to the village, the whole place was covered in some…black liquid.”

“Black liquid?” Elma questioned.

“Yeah, it came down from a boat on the surface-de geso,” said Squid Girl. “They crashed into an outcropping of rocks above our village. It kinda looked like ink, but it was…dirty and smelled really bad. It had the same smell as that stuff Cindy and the three stooges puts into their machines-de geso.”

“Oil,” Eiko realized. “It must’ve been an oil tanker.”

“I saw a whole bunch of my people just…floating there, listless,” Squid Girl continued. “I tried calling out to them, but none of them moved-de geso. The black liquid kept spreading, and I was so afraid, so I…I swam away.”

“It’s a good thing you did,” said Elma. “Did anyone else survive?”

“I don’t know-de geso,” said Squid Girl, shaking her head. “If they did, I never saw them. I swam around for months looking for anyone from the village-de geso. My mom, my neighbor, that annoying kid from the other side of the reef. But I never found them. As far as I know…I’m the last of my kind-de geso….”

Elma kept quiet, glancing backwards at Squid Girl with a thoughtful expression. Eiko was stunned into silence. Finally, after a year of knowing her, she finally understood why Squid Girl came to the surface to invade humanity, as unrealistic as that may be. This poor creature lost everything due to human negligence. It’s honestly amazing that she didn’t become angry and vengeful as a result.

Eiko remembered how devastated she was when they lost their parents – she was still in grade school, Chizuru was in college, and Takeru was too young to remember either of them. Eiko vividly recalled how angry she was back then, lashing out her friends, her sister, everyone, because she couldn’t process her emotions. The only thing that kept Eiko going was her sister and brother, but Squid Girl…she had no one.

Squid Girl had stared into the water, her eyes glazed over as she recalled the memories, when she suddenly found herself being pulled into a sideways hug. The ink-vader was shocked when normally tomboyish Eiko held her close. Normally she isn’t this affectionate; Squid Girl could count the number of times they hugged on one hand.

Still…it felt nice.

“I’m sorry for what happened,” Eiko muttered sincerely. “Humans can be such idiots…. I know we can’t replace your real family, but…you know we all care about you, right? Me, Chizuru, and Takeru – you’re practically family to us. Plus there’s Kiyomi, Goro, Cindy, the three stooges, and you know Sanae is crazy about you. Even Nagisa cares about you…in her own way.

“What I’m saying is, don’t feel too bummed. Because even if you lost your old family, you’ve got a new one right here.”

Squid Girl’s eyes shimmered for a moment, a small small turning on her lips as she said, “Thanks, Eiko….”

“…Well, that’s enough mushy stuff,” said Eiko, immediately separating and going back to her normal personality. “Let’s head on back. We gotta get this fish on ice before it spoils.”

“Good idea,” Elma agreed.

Elma waded in the direction of the Japanese shores with Squid Girl and Eiko riding contently on her back. After hearing Squid Girl’s story, Elma was wanted to see her own family soon….”

Chapter Text

Tohru’s jaw figuratively dropped to the ground (she could literally do it if she wanted to, but that might freak some people out.)

They were standing outside a strange building made of four upside-down pyramids (humans had weird tastes in architecture.) Miss Kobayashi called it the Tokyo Big Sight. Tohru thought that Miss Kobayashi might be exaggerating when she said there would be thousands of people crowding the building, and she certainly was…. There were ten thousand people shuffling around the premises, packed together like sardines under the sweltering summer heat.

“Holy crap!” Tohru screamed uncontrollably; Miss Kobayashi groaned and plugged her ears. “What in the world is this crowd?”

“The admission line for Comiket,” answered Miss Kobayashi. “It’s one of the biggest events in Japan held twice a year in the summer and winter. The crowd seems to get bigger every year.”

“And why are we here again?” questioned Tohru.

“Because Takiya is in a big-shot circle,” answered Miss Kobayashi. “Oh, a circle is a group of artists and writers who create fan-made works. And apparently his circle’s two store girls collapsed from heatstroke yesterday while playing at the beach.”

“Wait, really?” Tohru gasped in terror. “That could’ve been us! The sun is a dangerous foe indeed….”

“Please don’t make enemies with celestial bodies,” said Kobayashi blankly. The fact that she needed to say that caused her to sweatdrop. “Takiya’s group is short-staffed, so we’re here to help.”

“I’m all over this!” said Tohru cheerfully. “With my power, victory is as good as ours! I’ll exterminate them with ease!”

“No! Bad Dragon! No eliminating people!” Kobayashi snapped like she was scolding a dog; Tohru actually whimpered like one.

“By the way, was it a good idea to leave Kanna behind?” asked Tohru curiously.

“There are a lot of things here children shouldn’t see,” said Kobayashi uncomfortably. “Even if that child is over nine hundred years old. She’ll be fine with Lucy for today.”

“And Elma?” Tohru asked about her absent mate.

“She fell behind on her workload, so she’s working overtime to catch up,” said Kobayashi, dreadfully recalling the panicked dragon surrounded by towers of papers.

Thankfully, they didn’t have to go through the massive line to get in. After presenting the passes that Takiya gave them, they were able to go in through the side entrance. There were hundreds of tables and stalls still being set up and people running back and forth carrying boxes of their product, some carrying large signs or putting up posters advertising their work. Kobayashi had to consult the map twice before they figured out that Takiya’s circle was in the upperwest side on the main hall.

“Thanks for doing this, you guys,” Takiya said gratefully when Kobayashi and Tohru arrived. “You’re real lifesavers. We’d be pretty screwed without help.”

“It’s all right,” Kobayashi waved him off. “I owe you a lot, after all.”

“Telne said that Fafnir moved in with you recently,” Tohru chimed in. “I would’ve thought you’d ask him to help you out with this.”

“Oh, uh, he’s in a circle himself,” said Takiya awkwardly.

“NANI?!” Tohru and Kobayashi shouted in surprise.

“Yeah, I recommended all kinds of anime and games to him,” Takiya explained. “And, at some pointed, he started drawing his own.”

“He’s totally enjoying this world,” Tohru commented dryly.

“Kobayashi, you can handle the sales,” Takiya instructed. “Tohru, I’d really appreciate it if you could deal with the line.”

“Sure thing,” said Kobayashi.

“All right, fine,” Tohru sighed.

“Attention, ladies and gentlemen,” the hall’s PA system came to life, drawing Tohru’s attention. “As of this moment, the third day of comic market has officially begun!”

As the PA kicked off, Tohru suddenly sensed an overwhelming surge of energy coming from all sides. It was as if an army of bloodthirsty monsters had suddenly surrounded the building and were preparing their assault. Every cell in Tohru’s being flared up with tension. Suddenly, the ground began to tremble and heard the dreaded sound of marching footsteps closing in.

And then she saw them – the most terrifying force in two world, a veritable army of thirst, savage beasts that could lay waste to the world. It was…the otaku!

Tohru jumped back, pressing herself against the wall before she was trampled by the stampede of nerd.

“What the hell is going on?” Tohru screamed. “It’s like a hoard of demons has been unleashed on the world! Is this…Ragnarok?”

“No, but close,” Kobayashi remarked calmly.

After the initial shock of so many humans storming the building had passed, Tohru did her duty and managed the line to Takiya’s booth. Which turned out to be surprisingly long. The line extended from inside the building and actually went out the door. And all for what? Some fantasy comic called “Water Dragon Shrine,” whatever that was. Even though the characters were completely different, the words “Water Dragon Shrine” made Tohru think of her mate, who was currently slaving away at work. Maybe she should take a peek at it sometime….

“The end of the line for Water Dragon Shrine starts right here!” Tohru announced loudly, waving the sign that Takiya gave her. “Please group closer together! If you’re here for Water Dragon Shrine, please raise your hand and come this way!”

Tohru wiped the sweat from her brow. It was a scorcher today.

“Hard to believe tens of thousands of humans are able to take such unified actions without any prior exercises or training,” Tohru reaching for her water, only to find the bottle already empty. “These people are passionate. Meanwhile, I feel like I’m in a fire drake’s belly.”

She stared longingly at the shaved ice stand on the opposite side of the walkway. And it wasn’t the only either. Concession stands were lined up from one side of the road to the other like they were part of a festival. They were selling everything from water, to ice cream, to cold soda – anything to beat the heat. Tohru licked her lips subconsciously as she watched a man chug a cool, refreshing grape soda and tossed the empty bottle in the trash can behind her.

“I can’t believe it’s this insane,” Tohru groaned. “Comiket is not to be underestimated. Still, though, what could be attracting this many people and keeping them all in check. It’s beyond me, and kinda terrifying.”

“Comiket is not for the weak-hearted,” Tohru perked up when she heard the voice of her diminutive in-law. “Let’s your guard down, and you’ll suffere the consuquences.”

“Telne, is that you?” gasped Tohru, spinning around. “What are you – WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!”

Tohru burst out in hysterical laughter. I mean, how could she not. It’s true that Telne had made a surprise visit to Comiket and, under normal circumstances, she would be weary of the Harmony Faction’s second-in-command. But see the elderly dragon in a cartoonish blue dragon costume (one that strongly resembled a certain purple dinosaur), it was hard not to laugh. And Telne’s pouting, child-like face through the costume’s mouth was just the topper.

“Hey, don’t you laugh!” Telne pouted, flailing her arms. “Sumiko worked really hard on this costume, so be nice!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was just…caught off-guard,” said Tohru, stifling her laughter. “What’re you doing here, old timer? I didn’t think you’d come to a place like this?”

“I always attend Comiket,” said Telne proudly. “I’ve been coming here since 1996. The reading material they make in this world is so much more interesting than the other one.”

“Oh, what kind of comics do you get?” asked Tohru curiously.

Telne’s smile stretched from ear-to-ear as she held up the large bag that Tohru just now noticed she was carrying. The elderly dragon reached inside and flashed a series of books in Tohru’s face. The blonde dragon leaned back, blinking, and looked over the covers of the reading material. ‘You in Bloom,’ ‘Orange,’ ‘I’m Fond of the Bad Girl,’ ‘Sing Me a Song,’ and ‘Sorceress and Demon Princess’ were just some titles she saw. And Tohru noticed that all the covers consisted of women in intimate positions.

“This is just what I’ve collected so far!” said Telne proudly, putting the books back in her back. “Today, I’m going to get the latest copy of Enchantress from Mars, The Magical Revolutionary Princess and the Brilliant Woman, The Vexed Reclusive Vampire Mistress, and A Picnic on the Other Side! Ooh, I love Comiket!”

“Are all those books about women?” asked Tohru curiously.

“They’re called GL – Girl’s Love – or Yuri,” said Telne. “Much more interesting than the books those prudish humans back home put out. Plus, they’re cute!”

“Huh?” Tohru murmured.

“Tohru!” The dragon turned around as Takiya came up, offering her a bottle of water. “Thank you so much for your help. Need a drink?”

For once in her life, Tohru didn’t see this pathetic, worthless human as an enemy. She might even (almost) think he was a good guy (almost!) Tohru snatched the bottle swift as lightning, practically snapped the cap off, and chugged the entire bottle in one go.

“That hit the spot!” Tohru yelled with a refreshed gasp.

“Things should be settling down now,” said Takiya. “You’re free to take a break, if you want.”

“Great!” said Tohru cheerfully. “Maybe I’ll go see Fafnir’s booth.”

“That creepy recluse has a booth?” said Telne in disbelief. “This I gotta see….”

“Let’s see…,” Tohru hummed as she checked the layout of the Comiket map. She was walking towards the southern side of the main hall with Telne after making a quick stop to pick up more books for the elder dragon’s ‘yuri’ collection. “According to Mr. Takiya, Fafnir’s booth should be right around here.”

“This is this most crowded section of the entire market,” said Telne, taking notice of the literal walls of human bodies lining up at the booths. “I wonder which one is Faf….”

The Harmony Dragon’s voice died in her throat and bit down on her lower lip to stifle her laughter. Tohru looked around to see what amused her when she noticed a massive and comedically noticeable gap in the crowd. One booth was alone like a ghost town while the booths on either side were jam-packed. And the person running the booth was a dejected and lifeless Fafnir.

“If you say anything, I’ll kill you…,” said Fafnir listlessly.

Telne’s whole body was quivering, but she restrained herself.

“You’re the one who looks dead here,” Tohru pointed out; Fafnir slumped deeper into his seat. “So uh, mind if I look at your book?”

“Help yourself…,” moaned Fafnir.

Tohru picked up the book. Compared to Takiya’s work or Telne’s collection, the cover was crude and unimpressive – likely a major factor in his lack of buyers. Humans loved judging things by their covers.

“Curse Anthology,” Tohru read aloud. She opened to a random page and gasped. “You – Fafnir – you printed real effective curses? You even tell how to inflict them! You could curse someone to death if you read this aloud!”

In the blink of an eye, the book disappeared from Tohru’s hand. Telne had snatched it away and slammed it down on Fafnir’s table. She was no longer laughing; she looked ready to kill.

“Burn these now,” Telne commanded in a tone that said there was no room for argument.

“Yes, ma’am…,” Fafnir whimpered pathetically.

After literally dragging Fafnir and forcing him to burn his books in a garbage can (and getting in trouble with security for setting fire to public property), Tohru and Telne moved outside the building. They ended up in a closed off area where humans in colorful costumes were standing around and posing with people swooping in to take their picture.

“There are a lot of people with strange looks,” said Tohru. “It’s almost like they’re from our world.”

“It’s called cosplay,” Telne informed. “Humans love dressing up as their favorite characters from anime and video games. Humans are surprisingly passionate about cosplay and come up with the most elaborate costumes I’ve ever seen. Just a while ago, I saw a bunch of girls dressed up as Diana, May, and Bronie from Third Impact. They were very impressive. You’re like that, too, aren’t you, Tohru?”

“I’m a proper maid, thank you!” shouted Tohru, acting insulted. “No matter how you dress me up, I am Miss Kobayashi’s loyal sex slave!”

“You do remember my granddaughter, right?” said Telne, annoyed.

Just then, something caught Tohru’s attention in the crowd. Telne doesn’t need to ask what it was; she already knew.

“Finally spotted them, did you?” said Telne.

“Over there,” said Tohru, pointing out three people in the crowd. “That’s a goblin, a witch, and sahuagin over there. Except they’re not cosplayer’s they’re real.”

“Yup,” said Telne like it was obvious.

 “But…they’re not from out world,” said Tohru thoughtfully.

“No, they’re not,” said Telne. “Earth seems to be a nexus that is connected to various worlds. How many, I can’t really say. But it’s the reason so many departed souls end up in other worlds (Isekai), and why outsiders like us end up here. There are ‘visitors’ all around us, just out of sight. I believe Elma said she met an Atlantean the other day, did she not? That’s one such example.”

Tohru took another look around and found that the elder dragon was right. She didn’t notice at first, but there were dozens of ‘visitors’ loitering around the cosplay area. There was a naga girl with a gorgon and minotaur girl hanging out with an angel and a girl in goth Lolita. A timid elf in priestess uniform was being led by the hand by a human miko girl, advertising a sign about ‘Takamimi Shrine.’ A prim and proper demon girl was trying to drag a slovenly-looking angel away, kicking and screaming. And it wasn’t just limited to fantasy – she sometimes saw aliens, robots, and Waldo.

“What’re they doing here?” asked Tohru.

“This is one of the few places in the world they can relax and be themselves,” answered Telne.

“What do you mean?” said Tohru curiously.

“Most end up in this world by accident,” Telne explained. “They have to disguise themselves as humans on a daily basis. That can get very tiring for some, so they come to events like these where they can show their true forms without anyone being the wiser.”

“I see,” said Tohru, nodding. “That makes sense. So, have ‘visitors’ always been coming to this world?”

“As far back as I can remember,” said Telne. “I personally came her to help the Atlanteans escape out world. And if you look into some of the old human myths, you can find some familiar names like Jörmungandr and Lucoa.”

“Speaking of Lucoa…,” said Tohru listlessly.

Both dragons stared blankly as none other than the former goddess herself was being scolded and dragged away by one of the event staff. Unsurprising as she came wearing nothing more than a skimpy bikini that left nothing to imagination and called it cosplay.

“What in the world is she doing here?” said Tohru.

“I can’t believe that woman was ever a fertility goddess,” said Telne, her tone dripping in disappointment.

As Tohru took another focused look around, she saw that there were more and more beings in the real form. Demons, angels, elves, dwarves, nekomata, kitsune, tanuki, even cyborgs and extraterrestrials. All of them were walking around freely without fear of being caught.

And Tohru…Tohru was jealous of them. She couldn’t assume her real form like they could. Her true appearance was so large an menacing that no one would believe it was a costume. Tohru gripped a bundle of her maid outfit in her fist. It wasn’t fair, she thought. She loved being Miss Kobayashi’s maid, but she hated that she couldn’t have the same freedom to be her real self like everyone else. Tohru gritted her teeth; it was so frustration!

Telne stared at her granddaughter-in-law for a long moment in thought.

“You know…,” Telne spoke up, “you could change into your real form. At least partially.” Tohru spun around, gasping. “As long as you don’t cause trouble, it should be fine.

Tohru’s eyes lit up with joy. The dragon maid unfurled her long, leathery black wings, her curled horns sprouted from  her skull, and her tail slithered out from under her dress. It felt like she was stretching muscles she hadn’t used in a long time. Yes, it wouldn’t be the same as changing into her complete real form, but at least she could be real to be herself. And the fact that she could do it in public for everyone to see sent an excited thrill up her spine.

“Ah, this feels great!” said Tohru, relived. “You gonna change, too, old timer?”

“Nah, I’m fine like this,” Telne waved her off. “Besides, Sumiko worked so hard on this outfit. Plus, it’s so soft and cuddly,” she added, hugging herself with a little cat-like smile.

“Excuse me?” Tohru blinked. A random human with a camera came running up to her. “Can I take your picture?”

“Uh, sure, I guess,” Tohru answered awkwardly.

“Hey, me too!” another enthusiastic human with a camera cried out.

“Can I get a picture too?”

“Mind if I get a shot?”

“Look over here, please!”

Tohru was taken aback by all the attention. So many humans were wanting to take her picture now that she had the addition of her wings, tail, and horns. It made Tohru so happy she began dancing around striking various poses for her adoring audience. Telne smiled softly as she watched Chaos Dragon enjoy herself. It was hard to believe this happy-go-lucky dragon once hated humans.

“Lucy is lucky to have such good parents…,” Telne murmured softly to herself.

“As of now, Comic Market ’25 is officially over!” the PA system announced as the sun was gradually starting to set over the horizon. “Thank you, everyone, for your participation! We hope to see you all again in the winter for the next epic Comiket! Thank you again!”

“I’m SO sorry I’m late!” Tohru cried. The dragon maid had only realized moments ago that she had gone on break hours ago and never came back. When she arrived at Takiya’s booth, Miss Kobayashi was already helping with the teardown. “Please forgive me, Miss Kobayashi! I didn’t mean to shirk my duties! I’m a terrible maid!”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” said Kobayashi understandingly. “Telne texted earlier and explain the situation. Were you really trapped in the cosplay area this whole time.”

“It started out with just a few photos,” Tohru groaned, collapsing on her knees and planting her face on the table. “The next thing I knew, I had a whole line waiting to take my picture. I didn’t want to disappoint them and ended up taking thousands of shots. I’m exhausted….”

“I’ll bet,” said Kobayashi amusingly. “I was the only helper in the second half because you weren’t here, but we managed fine.”

“Wow…I’m sorry…,” said Tohru guiltily.

“It’s fine,” said Kobayashi. “So, what did you think of your first Comiket?”

“Honestly, humans are quite scary in large numbers,” said Tohru, forcing herself stand and bending her back, her wings stretching outwards. “However, they’re still no match for the power of a dragon! No problem!”

“In that case, I want you to lend me your power!” Takiya screamed, suddenly appeared between the women as if he teleported. He stared down Tohru with an intense gaze, making the dragon maid tremble. “I want you to help me again this winter! For all three days!”

Kobayashi stared up at the ceiling, slightly impressed by the size of the hole as well as how fast Tohru made her exit, tears rolling down her face like waterfalls.

BONUS

Elma whimpered as she exited the elevator and trudge down the walkway to the Kobayashi apartment. She had fallen so far behind on her work that she had to spend fourteen hours at the office, hurting her back on the uncomfortable chair and tapping that keyboard until her fingers ached. She thought she had gotten a handle on how human offices worked, but it seemed like she had a long way to go.

“Maybe I should ask Miss Kobayashi for help on Monday,” Elma moaned.

She finally made it to the door. It took three tries before she could get the key in the slot and unlocked the door, letting herself in.

“I’m home…,” Elma called tiredly. “Kanna, are you here – “

CRUNCH!

Elma paused and looked down; she had stepped on something crunchy. She lifted her foot and saw what looked like the remains of some insect on the bottom of her shoe. Another (not dead) bug crawled around its crushed brethren. Then another. And another. The former priestess followed the trail of insects into the living room and a thrill of digest and terror welled up in her gut when she walked in.

Literally thousands of insects of all manner (crawling, wiggling, flying – you name it) were everywhere! The floor, the walls, the ceiling, the furniture – everything! Elma’s jaw dropped in horror and she dropped her briefcase unconsciously (squashing a dozen bugs in the process.) And in center of this nightmare was Kanna, sitting at the table doing her homework like nothing was wrong.

“Welcome back, Miss Elma,” Kanna greeted politely.

“Kanna…what is this?” Elma asked, looking around apprehensively. Kobayashi was going to freak!

Summer homework,” Kanna answered simply. “It’s my bug collection. Neat, right?”

“…Where’s my baby?” Elma questioned slowly.

Kanna didn’t answer, not-so-subtly searching around the bug infested home.

Chapter Text

Once upon a time, many centuries ago, the human revered me as the Priestess of the Sea. I was a dragon proud to lead humanity towards peace and order. But I fell in love – with a dragon of the opposing faction, one of Chaos. Our love was forbidden and I was exiled from my home. And now, the me that once lead humans to prosperity –

“Oh, good morning, Miss Kobayashi.”

“Good morning, sir!” Elma replied with an unnecessary salute.

Has become an office lady!

Elma had been working at Jigokumeguri System Engineering Inc. for little over a month at this point as a system engineering apprentice. Of course, when she first applied, she had no idea what that meant. And she knew even less about computer programming with what little she learned about the internet and technology since arriving. Elma almost wondered why they would hire her with her obvious lack of technical skills. But one whiff of the company’s director told her everything she needed to know, and it became clear that she wasn’t hired because she was qualified. Elma wondered if Kobayashi knew….

Speaking of whom, both Elma and Kobayashi gained a lot of attention after the former priestess announced herself as Elma Kobayashi. Miss Kobayashi managed to explain away that they were cousins by marriage, which Elma really should have thought of. And after that, she taught Elma how to write code when he became clear she had no idea what she was doing. Being a dragon, she naturally caught on quick, especially when she realized that the ‘code’ looked very familiar.

But even though her technical profession was system engineering, Elma always ended up doing more office tasks than computer related work.

“Miss Kobayashi!” Mr. Dawei from four desks across from Elma called out. It took a moment for Elma to realize that he was talking to the former priestess; maybe using Kobayashi’s family name might not have been the best idea. “Miss Kobayashi, there’s a meeting coming up, so could you make copies of these.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Elma replied with another unnecessary salute, making Mr. Dawei feel a little awkward.

Always striving for excellence, Elma used the company copying machine (she learned to use the device last week, Elma would announce with a haughty grin!) to make over fifty exact duplicates of the printouts that had been handed to her. And striving for more excellence, Elma organized and stapled all the printouts at literal lightning speed, the friction setting fires to some of them that were promptly extinguished. Anyone who would pass by would stare open-mouthed as the former priestess stacked more and more pamphlets until she created a tower as big as herself.

“All finished!” Elma announced proudly to Mr. Dawei as she carried the wobbling tower to his desk.

“That’s too many! Too many!” Mr. Dawei yelled in shock. “We don’t need all that!”

“Understood!” Elma saluted again before grabbing half the pamphlet tower and beginning to rip the sheets apart with her bare hands, littering the office floor with thousands of tiny scraps of paper.

“Not that way!” Mr. Dawei yelled incredulously. “You’re getting paper all over the office! Clean it up!”

“Yes, sir!”

As Elma cleaned up the mess she made – along with the rest of the trash in the office – Elma thougth about the reason why she decided to get a job in the first place. Since she and Tohru came to the human world, they had been relying on Miss Kobayashi for everyone’s expenses. And with Kanna going to school, the bespectacled human’s account was already stretched thin. Elma hated the idea of being a freeloader and wanted to help make things a little easier for the human that took them in. And with their daughter less than a week away from hatching, they needed to start saving up to take care of a baby dragon.

“Still, the money I earn barely gets us through the month,” Elma bemoaned, lugging two bags of garbage to the elevator. “Life sure is tough.”

As she walked past the break room, the television was left on and blatantly blared out, “A line has formed in front of the café that just started a sale of strawberry anmitsu desserts!”

“I’m definitely getting one!” Elma declared happily, salivating openly at the desserts displayed on the screen.

“What happened to saving up?” Kobayashi sweatdropped, who had been at the breakroom at the moment.

In the month that she had been working here, Kobayashi noticed that had been taking on more of a workload than what was considered reasonable. It wasn’t just making copies or taking out the trash – she had also seen Elma do a number of tasks that had nothing to do with work. Such as running out to buy lunch for someone, or mopping up the spill in the breakroom, or asking her to clean up the bathroom. Kobayashi was just about ready to call HR for harassment on the new girl….

“Elma, don’t you think everyone’s taking advantage of you?” Miss Kobayashi asked Elma on the way back from her coffee break.

“I’m new here, so if I want to learn the trade, I must put all my strength into it!” said Elma, nostrils flaring in determination. “So they keep giving me more and more jobs to do!”

“Wait, for real?” said Miss Kobayashi aghast.

“Kobayashi, please make copies!” Mr. Kamiya requested.

“Right away, sir!” said Elma proudly, making a mad sprint to the copy machine.

“Kobayashi, there’s a guest, so could you please bring us some tea?” asked Mrs. Yunaka

“Got it!” said Elma, running the other direction with a full tea set.

“Kobayashi, clean the bathroom!” shouted Mr. Ito.

“Understood!” replied Elma, running the other way with a mop.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute!” Miss Koabayshi cried. “Don’t you think they’re giving you way too many tasks – “

“You’ve been such a huge help, Kobayashi,” said Mr. Kamiya gratefully, offering a treat to the Order dragon. “Take this daifuku as thanks.”

“Want some ice cream, Kobayashi?” Mrs. Yunaka offered; Elma squealed in delight. “It’s a newest flavor.”

“I only have gum to give you, but if it’s okay…,” said Mr. Ito, which Elma accepted happily.

Now Kobayashi understood the reason behind Elma’s enthusiasm.

“Don’t you get tired of working so hard?” Miss Kobayashi asked Elma as the dragon walked over, her arms laden with sweets. “You shouldn’t have to push yourself just because they give you food.”

“I’m a dragon, so I have confidence in my body’s endurance,” said Elma proudly. “Miss Kobayashi, if there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Hmm…,” Miss Kobayashi hummed, stroking her chin thoughtfully. “All right then…please just sit there for a bit.”

Elma blinked as the bespectacled human walked back to the breakroom, even though she just came from there. Elma took a seat as instructed, wondering what Miss Kobayashi wanted from her. After two minutes of wait, Miss Kobayashi came back and offered her a steaming hot tea.

“It doesn’t matter how much you can endure,” said Miss Kobayashi kindly. “Don’t overestimate yourself. Just rest for a bit, okay.”

“Uh…okay?” said Elma uncertainly.

Meanwhile, everyone who was watching the scene thought –

She’s so cool!

Is she a pickup artist?

I wanna hug her so bad!

“All right, thank you for caring, Miss Kobayashi,” said Elma graciously, taking a sip of tea.

“You should take breaks whenever you can,” Miss Kobayashi advised. “It hasn’t been that long since you and Tohru came here, and Tohru still likes to cause trouble on occasion. Wrangling her in as enough of a chore itself, so I don’t want to have to pick you up as well. And it’s only going to get worse when the baby comes. I heard from several employees that parenthood can make working a lot more difficult. And that’s just from regular human babies – not dragons.”

“Hah, I get your point,” said Elma, sighing deeply. “I’ll admit, I’m a bit worried about what’ll happen when Lucy hatches. Dragon infants are known to be restless and destructive – even more so with Chaos Faction dragons. Lucy is only half, so I have no idea how she’ll turn out. She might even burn the apartment down with her first yawn.”

“Yeah…we need some serious babyproofing,” said Miss Kobayashi, sweatdropping.

“…Miss Kobayashi,” Elma spoke softly, looking suddenly nervous. “Do you think I’m…ready to be a mother?”

“Not at all,” Miss Kobayashi remarked bluntly.

“Eh?!” Elma squealed in surprise.

“Nobody’s ever prepared for parenthood,” said Miss Kobayashi sagely, tilting her head back and staring off into the distance. “I certainly wasn’t prepared to have three – soon to be four – dragons living under my roof. And I definitely wasn’t prepared to have one of them go off to school pretending to be my kid, even if she is hundreds of years old. Not everything will go the way you expect it to. All you can do is learn as you go.”

“Learn as I go, huh?” Elma mumbled, a wistful smile on her lips. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. Nothing I can do about it except take every experience and do better next time.”

“And if things get too rowdy, we can always dump her on your grandmother,” Miss Kobayashi suggested without a hint of remorse.

“MISS KOBAYASHI?!” Elma yelped in shock.

When the clock struck five o’clock PM, Miss Kobayashi automatically shut down her computer and stowed her unfinished work away to be completed tomorrow. Kobayashi had a firm, unbreakable oath to never work a minute over what was required of her. As far as she was concerned, work was over.

Too bad Elma didn’t seem to understand the concept.

“Elma, work’s over,” Kobayashi called to her ‘cousin.’ The former priestess was presently lugging around a huge tower of folders that wobbled dangerously back and forth. “C’mon, let’s go home.”

“Oh, I can’t, Miss Kobayashi,” said Elma, frowning. “I still have to get these records to archives. Then I promised Mr. Junji that I’d fix the coffee machines. And after that, Mr. Hiro wants me to sort the mail in the mail room.”

“You do realize that none of that has anything to do with system programing, right?” said Kobayashi with a blank stare.

“I know, but I promised I would help,” said Elma. “And a dragon of Order always keeps their promises!”

“…I’ll buy you some taiyaki on the way home,” Miss Kobayashi bribed unabashed.

“Whelp, my work’s done for the day!” Elma announced brightly, tossing the stack of folders over her shoulder and letting them scatter all over the floor, much to the floor manager’s distress. “Let’s go home, Miss Kobayashi!”

“So simple,” Miss Kobayashi mumbled apathetically.

After one quick detour to buy the promised taiyaki, Miss Kobayashi and Elma rode the train back home. By the time they arrived at the apartment, Kobayashi felt like her shoulders were carrying thousand-pound weights. Work as a corporate slave was always exhausting. Elma, on the other hand, looked fresh as a daisy with spring in her step (and a bounce in her huge chest.)

Kobayashi was jealous of dragons for more reason than one.

“We’re home!” Miss Kobayashi announced as they entered the apartment.

“We brought taiyaki!” Elma declared happily.

When Tohru and Kanna didn’t come to greet them at the door like they usually did, Kobayashi felt a strange sense of foreboding. She and the former priestess walked down the hallway and entered the living area. They froze in their step, staring at the scene with disbelieving eyes.

All of the furniture had completely disappeared with the exception of their dining table, upon which all the silverware was bent in misshapen angles. Tohru and Kanna had somehow managed to fit a waterfall on the left side of the room with a sign that read “Mental Fortification.” A couple of pointed rock with another sign that said “Meditation.” A couple of up-standing logs with a crane posing on one while Lucy the Egg rest on the other, wearing a sumo’s mawashi for some reason. Some playing cards and a camera were lying scattered on the ground next to a joke book about ESP. And in the middle of the room, the culprits in question were wearing karate gi while they stared down a huge brown bear.

When Kobayashi and Elma announced their arrival, Tohru looked over her shoulder with a big grin.

“Miss Kobayashi, Elma, welcome back!” she greeted.

“…Tohru, what is all this?” asked Elma disbelievingly.

“We were watching a show about how humans used some kind of super power to bend spoons!” Tohru answered enthusiastically. “So Kanna and I have been training really hard, and have mastered the ancient art of bear slayer!”

“Bear slayer,” Kanna repeated dully.

“I…don’t see how those two are connected,” said Elma, dumbfounded.

“Sounds like they had a whole episode without us,” said Miss Kobayashi apathetically. She was too tired and too used to this wackiness to say anything witty. Except…. “Where’s the couch?”

For some reason, Tohru went very silent and decided to show off her bear slaying technique (she gave the cuddly creature a pat on the head.)

Chapter Text

Tohru hummed a happy little song under her breath; a tune she picked up from one of those anime shows that ended up getting stuck in her head. The dragon woman hated to admit that she would be defeated by a human song when dragon music was clearly superior, but she couldn’t deny that Aozora no Rhapsody was incredibly catchy.

It was early in the afternoon on a Monday, which meant that Miss Kobayashi and Elma were at work and Kanna was mingling with the humans at school. As she had been going through her normal cleaning routine, Tohru noticed that they were running low on groceries and decided to make a quick trip to the Oborozuka Shopping District.

The dragon maid weaved through the early afternoon crowd, which was still surprisingly packed even though it was a weekday, pushing Lucy the Egg in the new stroller that Miss Kobayashi purchased online. This made it a lot easier for her to carry groceries; Miss Kobayashi was so thoughtful. And the humans didn’t even bat an eye at the giant dragon egg being pushed around like a (human) baby. The people of the shopping district knew Tohru (and Elma, for different reasons), and by extension know Lucy. Some of the mothers Tohru passed stop to compliment her and touch Lucy’s shell with tender caresses.

“You’re such a good mother, Tohru,” Mrs. Shizunomi the florist complimented her. “Lucy is such a lucky girl to have a mommy like you taking such good care of her.”

“Hehe, thanks,” Tohru grinned, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. “But it’s really a team effort. Elma and Miss Kobayashi help out a lot. And Kanna is a really good big sister.”

“Such a wonderful family,” said Mrs. Shizunomi, touching her cheek. “I wonder if I should get an exotic pet as well. Maybe that will teach my bratty kids some responsibility. All they ever do is play in the park causing mischief.”

“Uh, maybe you should consider something a bit more…normal,” Tohru suggested, sweating a little. “Like maybe a cat or a dog.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Mrs. Shizunomi agreed. “Getting a foreign pet sounds like it would be a lot more expensive.”

Tohru laughed awkwardly.

Everyone in the Kobayashi agreed that the best way to explain Lucy was to tell them that she was an exotic pet. They couldn’t exactly say it was a dragon egg, mostly because no one would believe them. Telling them it was an exotic pet from a foreign country was the best explanation they could come up with. But as for what happens after Lucy hatches – which should be any day now – well…they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it.

“Step right up!” Mr. Tatsuda the Butcher yelled across the street, which make Tohru turn around. The gruff-looking man had set up a set of wooden tables in front of his butchery and was waving a handful of fliers around. “Step right up and test your might! Take part of the local arm wrestling contest hosted by the Tatsuda Butcher Shop! Don’t be afraid! You only lose if you don’t compete!”

“What’s going on with Mr. Tatsuda?” Tohru asked curiously.

“Oh, it’s just a contest he put together,” answered Mrs. Shizunomi amusingly. “That man gets bored so easily. He hosts little contests like this every so often to spice things up. It’s more like personal entertainment than anything official.”

“What kind of contests?” questioned Tohru.

“Oh, you know, men things,” said Mrs. Shizunomi. “Looks like it’s arm wrestling this time. I swear, that man loves to cause a ruckus.”

“Arm wrestling? How barbaric,” Tohrui laughed and shook her head conceitedly. “These inferior humans sure do love showing off how wimpy and pathetic they are don’t they, Lucy? Not like they could ever hope to match the strength of the superior dragon. I wouldn’t even bother competing in such a ridiculous contest, because it wouldn’t be fair to those weak humans – “

“The prize for the contest is a whopping five pounds of fresh Kobe beef!” Mr. Tatsuda yelled.

“SIGN ME UP!” Tohru screamed, zooming across the street and scaring the shirt off of Mr. Tatsuda.

It didn’t take long for the positions to be filled up – the temptation of pure Kobe beef was too much to ignore, especially when there was FIVE – WHOLE – POUNDS! That’s basically a king’s feast!

Tohru stood behind one of the wooden tables, arms crossed with a smug grin (after leaving Lucy in Mrs. Shizunomi’s care. She wasn’t that irresponsible.)

“These poor pitiful humans,” said Tohru condescendingly. “They have no idea what horrible fate awaits them. As if they could hope to match the unbridled strength of a dragon. They may as well just hand over that juicy beef to me now.”

“Contestants, are you ready?” Mr. Tatsuda called to the gathered crowd, which responded with an enthusiastic cheer and applause. “All right, wrestlers, take your positions!”

Tohru sized up her opponent. By human standards, he might have seemed very strong: tall with a good muscle tone – he seemed to work out often, perhaps maybe as a hobby. Even his posture as he rested his elbow on the table, gripping the edge with his other hand, showed he had some experience in arm wrestling. Tohru fought back the urge to laugh in his face as she rested her elbow on the table and clasped her hand with his. She could feel him trying to intimidate her by giving her hands a light squeeze. It was so pitiable – Tohru didn’t even feel it.

“First round starts in,” Mr. Tatsuda announced with a dramatic pause, “three…two…one…go!”

BAM!

Tohru took her opponent down in literally a second. The human looked down at his hand firmly planted on the table’s surface with a dumbfounded expression. Tohru rested her fists on her hips, turning her nose up smugly, as the crowd cheer for her.

“Winner of table 1: Tohru!” Mr. Tatsuda exclaimed

“I didn’t even break a sweat,” said Tohru arrogantly. “This contest is gonna be a piece of – “

The words got lost somewhere in her throat as a huge, hulking body flew past her and crashed into the wall. The dragon maid looked over. The man was twice her size and built like a pro wrestler – he was even wearing a pro wrestler’s outfit from some random and unexplainable reason. And that man was lying upside down, feet dangling over his head, eyes swirling while a huge chunk of the cement wall had been caved in.

Tohru whipped around. The rest of the tables were still in the middle of their matches – except for one, on the opposite end. A young girl – the young of all the contestants – was clenching and unclenching her hand, a bored look on her face as she brushed the strands of pink hair out of her face.

“Winner of table 16: Momo Chiyoda!” Mr. Tatsuda announced.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” said Momo Chiyoda, bowing to Mr. Tatsuda apologetically. “I thought I was holding back. I hope I didn’t case any trouble.”

“Nah, nah, it’s fine!” said Mr. Tatsuda, giving her a thumbs-up. “It makes for an exciting show, so keep at it.”

“Oh, okay then,” Momo Chiyoda droned.

Wait, wait, wait wait, wait, Tohru mentally screamed, jaw dropped to the floor as she looked between the short and slender Momo Chiyoda and the wall of muscle that was her opponent, who was currently being dragged away for medical attention by five people. There’s no freakin’ way a normal human girl could’ve done that! Are these humans blind or something! There’s something completely with this picture!

Momo Chiyoda took a seat and decided to play games on her phone while waiting for the other matches to finish. It didn’t take much for her to sense the animosity radiating from Tohru. She could practically feel the dragon maid glaring a hole in her head. Momo Chiyoda sweatdropped.

What’s up with that creepy maid staring at me, thought Momo Chiyoda. She’s practically shooting daggers with her eyes. Maybe if I just pretend not to notice her, she’ll go away.

Momo Chiyoda kept her head down and turned her back to Tohru. The dragon maid growled and clenched her fist.

There’s something suspicious about that girl, thought Tohru. But it doesn’t matter! That kobe beef is mine, because I have the power of love on my side!

It took almost ten minute for the first round to end – inferior humans, Tohru thought. In the next round, Tohru’s opponent was a man in a business suit with a balding head. Tohru slammed his hand on the table the moment the go-ahead was given, which inadvertently caused her opponent’s hip to break. Tohru apologized profusely as the poor man was carted away to the hospital. She didn’t even get a chance to see Momo Chiyoda in action because the pink-haired girl had already downed her opponent: a cosplayer nerd dressed like a barbarian.

The semi-final matches were down to four opponents, including Tohru and Momo Chiyoda. Standing side-by-side, Tohru peeked in Momo Chiyoda’s direction while clasping her opponent’s hand, whom she didn’t even pay attention to because she was so focused on the pink-haired girl. When the round started, Tohru and Momo Chiyoda slapped their opponents down at the same time, causing the two men’s heads to collide and knock them unconscious.

While the crowd cheered for their victory, Tohru heard a side comment about how this was the most people that had been sent to the hospital in a public competition.

And now, it was just her and the mysterious Momo Chiyoda. Tohru stretched her claws and bared her razor-sharp teeth threateningly at the pink haired girl. Momo just tilted her head cluelessly.

“All right, everyone, the match you’ve all been waiting for!” declared Mr. Tatsuda. “Tohru vs. Momo Chiyoda! Winenr will receive five pounds of fresh Kobe beef!”

“That meat is mine, human!” Tohru snarled.

“We’ll see about that, won’t we?” Momo retorted, ignoring the ‘human’ part.

Tohru and Momo rested their elbows on the tables, clasping their hands together, while grasping the edge of the table with their other hands. Just from the grip alone, Tohru could sense this girl was more powerful than her plain appearance led her to believe. Momo Chiyoda seemed to sense the same thing in Tohru as her impassive expression quickly turned serious.

“Ready…set…GO!” Mr. Tatsuda announced.

Right out of the gate, Tohru put all her strength into her arm, generating a monumental green aura like a character straight out  of Dr*gon B*ll. The very fact that Momo Chiyoda didn’t buckle immediately was a huge accomplishment, but she was taken off-guard and readjusted her stance to stop herself from falling over. When Momo pushed back, she generated an equally powerful pink aura. Their combined energy created a shockwave caused almost everything in the market district to fly like a hurricane (when the crowd, who was directly next to the action, were strangely unaffected.) No one even seemed to be battling an eye to the shonen-level action taking place and were cheering for their favorites.

The two of them remained locked in a heated stalemate for a full minute…. But, gradually, Tohru began to push Momo Chiyoda back. Inch by inch, the back of Momo Chiyoda’s hand got closer to the surface of the table.

Sh-She’s strong, Momo Chiyoda thought with a pained grimace.

I did it! It’s mine! Tohru thought, cackling like a cartoon villain in her head. That Kobe beef belongs to me!

I…can’t lose, Momo Chiyoda gritted her teeth. Come on, Momo, fight back! Remember what you’re doing this for….

Suddenly, the image a cute little demon girl with aroable goat horns and a cute little demon tail popped into Momo Chiyoda’s head:

“Wow, you’re so cool, Momo-chan!”

“This beef is the best I ever tasted, Momo-chan!”

“I love you, Momo-chan!”

In that instance, Momo Chiyoda’s pink aura exploded to ten times its size, completely consuming Tohru’s power. Then, without warning, Momo Chiyoda transformed in plain view of everyone present:

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait – what the hell!” Tohru screamed, her jaw unhinged at the blatant magical girl that he plainly transformed in front of the entire crowd. The magical girl who was now starting to push back Tohru. “Did no one what seem what happened? That’s gotta be against the rules!”

However, the crowd was strangely oblivious.

“Wow, what neat special effects,” said Mr. Toda.

“Kids are so creative these days,” said Miss Nichijo the vegetable lady.

“It almost looks real,” said Mrs. Shizunomi.

“HUMANS ARE SO STUPID!” Tohru screamed outrageously.

Momo Chiyoda let out a powerful battle cry as she threw the full force of her power behind her arm, throwing Tohru backwards, and slamming the dragon’s hand against the table. Only it didn’t stop there. Tohru’s hand went through the wooden table as the dragon herself was slammed down into the pavement, smashing through the concrete and creating a sizable crater in the middle of the shopping district. Tohru let out a dramatic cry like a shonen villain who had just been beaten by the protagonist and died on the spot.

(Okay she didn’t really die. She was just caught up in the flow and went along with it.)

There was a short pause of silence as Momo Chiyoda stood up to catch her breath, wiping the sweat from her brow. That might have been the toughest fight she’s ever been in. But as she looked out to the stunned crowd, she started to think she might have gone overboard.

At least until they started cheering for her like rabid football fans.

“Winner: Momo Chiyoda!” Mr. Tatsuda announced excitedly, stepping over Tohru and the crater to join by Momo’s side, raising her arm up in victory. Momo was still in her magical girl costume, but no one seemed to be paying any attention to that little tidbit. “Wasn’t that an amazing show everybody? How do you feel, Miss Chiyoda?”

“Hungry,” said Momo Chiyoda bluntly.

“Yeah, I imagine you worked up quite an appetite,” Mr. Tatsuda laughed, slapping Momo on the back good-naturedly; the magical girl gave him a blank stare. “Well, you won the contest. So here’s your prize!”

As promised, the butcher presented Momo Chiyoda with a huge slab of deliciously marbled Kobe beef wrapped in a paper sheet. The meat was practically sparkling.

“So tell us, Miss Chiyoda, what’re you planning to do with that prime cut of juicy tender meat?” asked Mr. Tatsuda.

“I’m gonna eat it with the demon girl living next door to me and her family,” said Momo with her typical emotionless drone. “Oh, and Mikan, too, I guess. If I have to….”

“You hear that, folk!” Mr. Tatsuda shouted unnecessarily, which annoyed Momo. “Strong and charitable! Let’s give a big hand for our winner!”

Momo Chiyoda blinked exasperatedly as the market district clapped and cheered for her.

Meanwhile, Tohru emerged from the rubble in the crater, her maid dress dirty and torn. The dragon maid bit her bottom lip, looking like she was fighting very hard no to cry as she glared at the magical girl. Tohru made a whining noise as she grabbed Lucy’s head and ran out of the market distract at top speed, leaving a trail of dust in her wake, screaming:

“DON’T THINK THIS MEANS YOU’VE WON!”

Ganbare, Tohru! Become an accomplished dragon maid who can make delicious meals on a budget!

“I’m home…,” Tohru moaned as she dragged her feet into the Kobayashi apartment building that afternoon.

“Hey, you were gone for a while,” Miss Kobayashi remarked, looking up from the television program she was watching with Kanna. She let out a surprised noise when she saw Tohru, dirty with a torn dress. “Holy crap, what happened to you?”

“I lost an arm wrestling contest to a magical girl,” Tohru sniffled.

“…I’m sorry, you wanna run that by me again?” Miss Kobayashi muttered in disbelief.

“Tohru, you know better than to pick fights with magical girls,” said Elma, coming out of the kitchen with half a watermelon in her mouth. “Magical girls are protagonists who are protected by invincible plot armor. There’s no way you could’ve won.”

“I didn’t find out she was a magical girl until during the contest,” Tohru whined. “If I had known, I never would’ve signed up.”

“You should be more careful next time, Tohru,” said Elma, shaking her head.

“Silly Tohru,” said Kanna.

“What is this conversation?” said Kobayashi, sweatdropping.

“Anyway, give me Lucy,” Elma demanded, holding out her arms expectantly. “You’ve had her all day and she’s missed her daily dunking. C’mon, give her here.”

“Yeah, yeah, keep your tail on,” Tohru grumbled, handing off the turquoise egg to her wife. “One day isn’t gonna – “

CRACK!

The sharp noise cut through the apartment like a gunshot. Everyone froze in place and the whole apartment went silent (even the TV, for some inexplicable reason.) Everyone craned their heads slowly towards the source of the noise.

Lucy’s egg had cracked –

Meanwhile, high in the sky above the city, a dark swirling portal opened and a large winged beast flew out. No one could see the beast for it had been hidden by the dark, moonless sky. And even if that wasn’t the case, the beast’s perception magic blocked any humans from witnessing its form.

The winged monster snarled lowly under its breath. It could sense it – the auras of many beings like itself scattered throughout the city. And three of them were gathered in one place. But then, quite suddenly, he sensed a new aura flare up amongst the group of three; this one drastically different from the others.

“You’ve done it now, Tohru, you foolish daughter of mine…,” it growled. “

Chapter Text

Kobayashi would admit that she didn’t understand how dragon culture worked, but she would figure that a hatching would be a very big deal. I mean, your child was technically being born. Humans celebrated that sort of thing, so why not dragons? She thought that Tohru and Elma would be over the moon when Lucy’s egg started to crack.

But instead….

“Tohru, you idiot!” Elma cried in a panic. “You broke Lucy!”

“I-I can fix this! I can fix this!” Tohru stuttered, looking around fretfully. “Where’s the glue? Where’s the glue?”

“I have tape!” Kanna offered, running up with the little sticky roll.

“That could work!” yelled Tohru.

“Um…you do realize your daughter is hatching, right?” Kobayashi jumped in awkwardly as the dragons tried taping up the crack. The dragons regarded Kobayashi for a moment, then all of them gasped as they came to the same realization. “I’m genuinely concerned for this kid’s future….”

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it’s finally happening!” Tohru squealed excitedly as she moved to the dining table and set the egg on top. “I hope she has my scales. Green is obviously the best color for a dragon.”

“You idiot, her scales are going to be blue!” Elma snapped, butting her head against her mate’s. “And she’s going to be a serpent because I’m the one who laid her!”

“Huh! No way my kid is gonna be some wimpy sea dragon!” Thoru retorted, pushing back.

“Who’re you calling ‘wimpy,’ meathead?” Elma growled.

“Who’re you calling ‘meathead,’ meathead?” Tohru snarled back.

“I got a big juicy bug for her to eat,” Kanna offered, holding up a live beetle that she had for some inexplicable reason.

“Let’s not introduce her to weird foods right out of the womb – er, egg,” Kobayashi sweatdropped.

Crack!

The four gasped and redirected their attention back to the egg. Another deep crack had formed, followed by another. Then, a little clawed foot broke through the shell, followed by a little wing, then a tail. Then, all at once, the shell shattered, and a little Lucy flopped belly first on the table, blinking her little eye curiously.

Kobayashi was in awe; she had never seen a baby animal outside of documentaries she watched here and there. The newborn dragon had two legs and a pair of wings that looked like they served as her upper arms. A wyvern, if Kobayashi remembered her dragon lore. The office lady didn’t think too hard on that fact; Tohru looked like the standard form of dragon, while Elma was a sea serpent. It only made sense that Lucy was something in between. The newborn’s scales were a bright shade of turquoise, just like her egg, and she lacked any horns like her parents, but Kobayashi assumed they would grow as she got older.

Overall, Kobayashi had to admit that the little thing was cute.

“Aw, little Lucy’s finally hatched!” Tohru squealed in delight. She touched the baby dragon’s snout with her finger. “Welcome to the world, little one! I’m Mama Tohru—

CHOMP!

Kobayashi’s jaw dropped in horror as Lucy opened her jaw and snapped down on Tohru’s finger, snapping it clean off. But for some reason, even with a digit missing and blood gushing out, Tohru looked absolutely thrilled.

“Aw, looks like somebody’s hungry,” Tohru giggled.

“Tohru, your finger!” Kobayashi yelped in a panic.

“What? This?” Tohru blinked at Kobayashi curiously. “Most dragon babies chomp on the first living thing they see. It’s perfectly normal. Oh, but if you’re worried about Lucy, she’s fine. We dragons have iron stomachs!”

“But your finger’s gone!” shouted Kobayashi.

“Geez, Miss Kobayashi, you’re making such a big deal about it,” said Tohru, shaking her head. With a flick of her wrist, Tohru’s missing finger was back. “You’ve seen me grow my tail back before. You should know I could do the same for one little finger.”

“It doesn’t help my heart,” Kobayashi groaned.

Elma picked up her newborn daughter by her armpits, keeping a firm distance from the baby’s snapping jaws.

“Time for her first feeding!” said Elma with a smile so bright, Kobayashi literally had to swap out her normal glasses for sunglasses. “Good thing I’ve been saving strips of meat in the back of the fridge! Time for num-nums, little Lucifer!”

“Wait…,” Kobayashi said slowly as Elma headed into the kitchen. “Lucy is short for Lucifer?”

“Yeah, what’d you think it stood for?” asked Tohru curiously.

“Certainly not that,” said Kobayashi, sweatdropping.

“Hey, do you think Lucy can eat raw steaks?” Elma asked, poking her head out of the kitchen.

“I don’t see why not!” Tohru responded cheerfully with a thumbs-up.

“Oi! Don't put raw meat in a baby's mouth - it's unsanitary!” Kobayashi yelled. Seriously, she thought, how can these two be so incompetent in childrearing, even for a baby dragon?

But just as Elma pulled the raw steak out of the fridge and was about to shove it in Lucy’s mouth (Kobayashi ran to stop her), the air in the building suddenly went tense. All of the dragons present suddenly stiffened and immediately turned in the direction of the door; Elma had dropped the steak on the floor with a wet splat.

Tohru bared her pointed teeth and ran towards the door, throwing it open with a bang. Elma noticeably took several cautious steps back, cradling Lucy protectively in her arms, and Kanna took shelter behind the couch. Kobayashi couldn’t sense what they could, but there was an unmistakable feeling of oppression in the air. Kobayashi, nervously, approached the door and looked over Tohru’s shoulder.

A wizened old man with a thick beard was floating past the railing, his body wrapped in a tattered crimson cloak. The floating was enough to tell her that this guy wasn’t a normal person, but the way Tohru growled at him made her suspect that he wasn’t human either.

“Tohru…,” the man called ominously, his voice echoing with power.

 “Father…,” Tohru snarled.

“That’s her dad?” Kobayashi gasped.

“Lord Damocles,” Elma murmured, barely loud enough for Kobayashi to hear, “also known as the Emperor of Demise. He’s one of the strongest dragons in the Chaos Faction.”

“Aw crap,” Kobayashi grimaced.

“You understand why I’m here, don’t you?” said Damocles gravely. It didn’t escape notice that his eyes traveled from Tohru to Elma and Lucy at the end of the hall. Tohru unfurled her wings to block his vision.

“If you’re still upset that I chose Elma as my mate,” Tohru growled, “then I’ll tell you the same thing I told you before! I’m not leaving – “

“I don’t care about that,” said Damocles bluntly, making Tohru stumble in surprise. “I have accepted that the bond you share with your mate is unbreakable.”

“You…you have?” questioned Tohru, genuinely bewildered.

“Though I do not approve, I understand,” said Damocles, remarkably civil despite his intimidating appearance and reputation. “If you are happy with your mate, then, regardless of my opinion, I wish you both happiness. And congratulations on the birth of your child. I hope that, someday, I will be allowed to spend time with my grandchild.”

“Oh, uh, thank you…sir,” Elma stuttered, looking as visibly confused as Tohru.

“However!”

And the other shoe drops, thought Kobayashi.

“You both have violated the law!” Damocles yelled, casting an intense amount of pressure. “You will return home with me now! We must not cause any more trouble with this world!”

“You don’t get to decide that!” Tohru growled. “Elma and I like it here, so we’re staying!”

“This world is forbidden!” Damocles chastised his daughter, making her flinch at his biting tone. “This place has been deemed a ‘no interference’ world by the gods that you so foolishly tried to fight against. Surely your mate, being a dragon of harmony, must have known that.”

“Elma?” Kobayashi looked to the former priestess questioningly. “What does he mean?”

“In our world, the gods decreed that there are realms that we dragons are forbidden from entering,” Elma explained, holding Lucy close to her breast. “Because of the inherent destructive power dragons hold, these ‘no interference worlds’ are considered off-limits because the inhabitants of those worlds cannot withstand the devastation a dragon could bring.”

“Yeah, Earth definitely falls under that category,” Kobayashi remarked.

“We knew we weren’t allowed in this world,” said Elma. “But given the circumstances at the time, we didn’t have many options….”

“You will return home with me now,” Damocles commanded.

“No!” Tohru yelled, taking Damocles aback. “I want to stay here – we want to stay here! This is where we belong – “

“No, you do not!” Damocles retorted forcefully. “You do not belong in this world, because you are a dragon! A dragon born for chaos! This world is not for you, and I will not allow you to throw it into chaos on childish whims!”

“That seems hypocritical for a chaos dragon,” Tohru spat.

“Tohru….” Damocles growled, his eyes narrowing.

Elma and I are perfectly capable of living a normal life in this world!” Tohru shouted. “Same goes for Kanna and Fafnir – “

“And what about the child?” Damocles interjected, making Tohru freeze. “Do you think you can raise an infant dragon in this world? Children at that age are wild and uncontrollable. Your child will lay waste to this world before they even reach the end of their first year. Are you prepared for that? Will you take responsibility for the lives lost due to your insistence on staying in this world?”

Kobayashi noticed that Tohru’s unshakable resolve began to crumble. It was a legitimate fear to have. Normal human babies were troublesome on their own; a baby dragon with the power to level cities with a sneeze or a cry would likely be too dangerous to raise in a crowded and condensed world like this one, as much as Kobayashi hated to admit it.

“Come home, Tohru,” said Damocles, holding out his hand. “You can raise your child in our world where they will cause no harm.”

Worryingly enough, Tohru actually looked like she was considering it. Kobayashi looked back at Elma and realized she was thinking the same thing. Damocles brought up some very real points. Would it really be safe to raise Lucy in the human world?

Should I say something here, Kobayashi wondered. I mean, he’s not wrong, but he doesn’t have to talk to her like that. But you shouldn’t go sticking your nose into another family’s business. Whatever Tohru and Elma decide, I should respect that choice….

But even still, Kobayashi can’t help thinking that maybe the dragon couple would be happier here, and maybe Lucy would be as well. They’ve already made good lives for themselves – Tohru spends her days happy as a maid, Elma’s getting the hang of being an office lady, and Kanna has fun at school. Surely Lucy would find happy experiences as well….

“Um – “

Kobayashi barely opened her mouth when a beam suddenly shot out of Damocles’ extended finger, striking the wall beside her face and leaving a burning hole. The dragons let out worried cries, asking if she was all right. Kobayashi was frozen in place, her heart racing when she realized just how close to death she had come.

“Choose your words carefully,” Damocles warned. “The next few words you speak will determine whether you live or die. Now, what is it?”

Kobayashi was terrified – genuinely terrified. Her life now hung in the palm of someone who was clearly beyond reasoning, who would not hesitate for a single moment to snuff her insignificant life like blowing out a candle.

But still….

“She said ‘no!’” said Kobayashi definitely. “She said she doesn’t want to go with you, and that’s final!”

“You…,” Damocles was momentarily taken aback by her audacity but quickly shifted to silent fury. “How dare you?”

“You said you can’t interfere with this world,” Kobayashi reminded him, staring the Emperor of Demise straight in the eye. “If so, you can’t kill me.”

“True enough,” Damocles admitted. “But I can leave you just shy of death, human.”

“Do your worst!” Kobayashi yelled. “That won’t be enough to change my mind!”

“…,” Damocles breathed deeply. “We must obey the rules of the gods. If any dragons are found living in the human world, it would inevitably lead to disaster. Others will be influenced and make their way here. It may be fine now, but eventually some will plot an invasion. And then there’s the matter of the child – “

“You’ve already made your point about Lucy,” Kobayashi interrupted strongly. “And yes, they are good points. And yes, some dragons may seek to do harm to humans. But none of those will be Tohru or Elma’s fault. You’re just twisting an imaginary future to pin the blame on them!”

“Things will change – “

“WHO THE HELL CARES?” Kobayashi screamed.

For the first time, Damocles was gobsmacked.

“Do you…care about these girls that much?” Damocles seemed genuinely surprised. “You, a mere human. I find that unbelievable….”

“Is it?” said Kobayashi. “They’re good girls.”

“I can’t speak for the other one, but Tohru is a good girl,” Damocles agreed, nodding in approval. Tohru’s face turned red with embarrassment.

“Tohru is bright and cheerful and a little dark at times, but she always laughs it off,” said Kobayashi, walking past her maid and bravely approaching Damocles. “Elma is strict and a real glutton, but she’s super hardworking. Kanna is sweet and innocent, but a little clumsy at times. And Lucy was just born, so I can’t say much for her, but I can see a bright future ahead of her. But more importantly….”

Kobayashi was standing directly in front of Damocles, staring him straight in the eye.

“They’re my family!” Kobayashi shouted. “Don’t you get that? I won’t let you take my family away, so back off!”

“You…!” Damocles snarled, angry veins throbbing across his face. “You overstep!”

He lunged his claw at Kobayashi. Tohru runs to save Kobayashi, but she’s not fast enough to reach the bespectacled woman in time –

But Damocles’ hand is stopped when a smaller, softer hand wrapped around his wrist.

“Geez, you chaos dragons are always ‘violence first, ask questions never,’” an exasperated voice tickled Damocles’ ear. “Honestly, you haven’t changed since you were a whelp, Dammy.”

Damocles turned his head in surprise as he came face-to-face with Telne, the harmony dragon holding a serene expression as she held him back.

“Telne…,” Damocles murmured, slowly pulling his arm back. “To think the second-in-command of the Harmony Faction would violate sacred law. The world really is becoming unraveled.”

“Oh, lighten up,” said Telne offhandedly, floating beside him. The difference in size despite their ages was comical. “Just because I’m a harmony dragon doesn’t mean I’m a stickler for the rules.”

“Why are you here?” questioned Damocles.

“Why else? To see my adorable great-granddaughter, of course,” Telne said plainly, then gushed with excitement. “Speaking of which, where is the little bundle of joy? I wanna see my grandbaby!”

The elderly dragon posing as a child immediately honed in on Elma holding the baby dragon in her arms. Telne zoomed past Kobayashi and Tohru at lightning speed, coming to a screeching stop in front of Elma and Lucy, squealing with joy and hearts in her eyes.

“AW, aren’t you a cutie patootie!” Telne shrieked hyperactively, rubbing the baby dragon’s head. “Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”

CHOMP! Lucy bit off Telne’s hand.

“And hungry, too,” Telne laughed, her stump gushing out copious amounts of blood.

“You permit this?” Damocles questioned, leering at Telne as she grew her hand back. “Humans and dragons living together? It’s impossible. They could never understand each other.”

“You’re wrong,” Kobayashi spoke up again, once again staring down the Emperor of Demise. “Knowing you’re different is only the beginning. If you accept those differences, you’ll be able to get past them and grow even closer. Then you’ll find aspects about what’s different that you like, which builds respect and even love.”

“Respect…love…,” Damocles repeated slowly, as if those words were foreign to him.

“Elma and Tohru already proved it once,” Kobayashi continued. “They’re as opposite as two people can be, literally born on different sides with different personalities, traits, and ideologies. But even still, they were able to look past that and fall in love even when the world – when you – stood against them. Their daughter, Lucy, is proof of how strong that love is.

“And they’ve been proving it over and over again in this world. Despite their differences, they’ve forged bonds with the humans of this world and made new lives for themselves. And not just them, but Kanna, Telne, Lucoa, and even a reclusive weirdo like Fafnir. They’ve made it work; why can’t you?”

“But the child – “

“If it becomes a problem, then we’ll handle it like we always have!” Kobayashi yelled, making Damocles reel back. “Tohru and Elma won’t be raising Lucy alone. I’ll be helping too, along with all the other dragons here (well, except maybe Fafnir.) You’re right to be worried; raising a child – any child – is a huge responsibility, but I think we can make it work. All I ask is that you have some faith in your daughter.”

There was a long moment of silence passed between them. Damocles seemed to regard Kobayashi as something alien, something he had never seen before. And Kobayashi leered back at him, unwavering and unshakable. And after a while, Damocles turned away with a huff.

“I will not approve,” said Damocles in a low tone. “Not of a human who does not have the lifespan to make this choice worthwhile. Tohru…my foolish daughter…..”

A ray of red light washed over Damocles’ human form, growing until a mighty and terrifying red dragon. He took off into the sky with a flap of his mighty wings, nearly knocking Kobayashi over with a powerful gust. Tohru stepped closer to the railing and tilted her head back, frowning as she watched her father form a portal in the sky and disappear to the other world.

“...I’m sorry for stepping out of line,” Kobayashi apologized to Tohru after a moment of reflective pause. “I know it wasn’t my place to – “

“It’s all right…,” Tohru spoke in a soft voice. Her head was turned away from the bespectacled woman, but Kobayashi could tell she was fighting back tears. “You’ve done more than enough. For me, for Elma, for Lucy – more than we can ever repay.”

“You don’t need to repay anything,” said Kobayashi, smiling softly. “I’m just happy you all get to stay….”

Kobayashi and Tohru stared out at the distant sunset, knowing their future was brighter than –

“Hey, you think Lucy can eat wasabi sauce?” Elma wondered aloud.

“Hey, Kobayashi, you mind if we borrow a few cans of your beer for Lucy’s bottle?” Telne called.

“What is wrong with you people?” Kobayashi cried, running inside to stop the inept Harmony Dragons.

Kobayashi certainly never imagined herself having a big family and certainly didn’t expect to be the responsible parent for someone else’s baby, but with the way things were now, she couldn’t find any reason to complain.

Chapter Text

It was the day after the near disaster with Tohru’s father, Damocles. Which also meant it was Sunday, which also meant that Kobayashi could, hopefully, enjoy a rare day of normalcy without being bogged down by work or the usual dragon shenanigans.

When Lucy had hatched, Kobayashi had feared the worst: being woken up in the middle of the night, constant temper tantrums – you know, like human babies. Not that Kobayashi knows anything about human babies either. But, thankfully, Lucy was surprisingly well-mannered right out of the egg. She mostly just slept and ate the entire time – and when she ate, she ate a lot. It was obvious from the offset that the newborn dragon had inherited Elma's legendary appetite; Lucy ate her entire weight in food before she finally conked out.

The sleepy baby dragon was adorable; the empty fridge and equally empty wallet, less so.

But it was a new day with new possibilities.

And like every Sunday, Kobayashi woke up around ten – a reward to herself for a week of grueling labor – and was greeted with the delightful smell of freshly cooked eggs, steamed white rice, and juicy sausages when she went to the dining table for breakfast.

“Good morning, Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru greeted her cheerfully, handing a bespectacled woman a fresh cup of coffee.

“Morning, Tohru,” Kobayashi replied, taking a sip. Tohru’s coffee-brewing skills were gradually improving. “You’re awfully chipper this morning. Anything to do with what happened yesterday?”

“Oh, yes, it was amazing!” said Tohru jubilantly. “Not only did our beautiful baby Lucy finally hatch, but Miss Kobayashi was so gallant the way that you stood up to my father! Even though I was definitely sure he was going to kill you.”

“Yeah, let’s not bring up that part…,” said Kobayashi, sweating slightly. “Thank god Telne was here. Speaking of which, is she still here?”

“Granny left last night,” said Elma as she emerged from her and Tohru’s room, pushing a stroller with Lucy the Baby Dragon strapped in. The little dragon sitting upright with its beady little eyes staring straight ahead made Kobayashi think of a stuffed animal. “Okay, Tohru, you’ve got everything ready.”

“All set!” said Tohru, suddenly carrying a pair of bulky bags under her arms.

“You two going somewhere?” asked Kobayashi curiously.

“We’re going to take Lucy for a stroll around the city,” Elma explained. “Get her used to her new environment. It’s best to give her a cognitive understanding of what she can and can’t destroy from an early age.”

“I would prefer it if she didn’t destroy anything,” said Kobayashi, sweatdropping. “But are you sure it’s okay to take Lucy out like that? Aren’t you worried people might notice you’re pushing a baby dragon in a stroller?”

“If my arm wrestling match with the magical proved anything,” said Tohru, remembering that defeat with a pained grimace, “it’s that humans are too stupid to see what’s right in front of them.”

“That’s…a fair assessment,” Kobayashi admitted reluctantly.

“We’re probably going to be gone the whole day,” Tohru told Kobayashi. “Will you be all right by yourself?”

“I can take care of myself just fine, thank you,” said Kobayashi. “I’ve been doing it for five years before you showed up. And Kanna should be waking up soon, so I won’t be alone.” She waved the dragon couple off. “Go, you two have fun with Lucy. Enjoy a nice family outing. God knows you could use one after yesterday.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” said Tohru. She and Elma headed straight out the door, pausing at the threshold to wave back at the bespectacled woman who followed them out. “Bye, Miss Kobayashi! We’ll see you later!”

“Take care,” said Kobayashi with a wave. Once the front door shut, Kobayashi turned and started making her way back to the dining table. “Guess I’m on my own for a while. What should I do? Maybe I can finally finish that five-hundred-piece maid-themed jigsaw – “

Suddenly, the door slammed open, and Tohru screamed, “We’re back, Miss Kobayashi!”

Kobayashi naturally tripped and smacked her head on the floor.

It took a moment for the bespectacled woman to recover, nursing the sore spot on her forehead, and turn back around. Kobayashi thought she was used to her roommates’ absurdities by now, but they always had to take things to another level. Beyond the fact that they were literally only gone for a few seconds, they came back dressed like characters from an RPG fantasy – and there were five of them!

Tohru was in some elaborate knight armor that, more than likely, was made out of her scales based on the pattern alone, and Elma looked like she filled out the role of the classic warrior monk, though Kobayashi wondered what the point was of sticking her horn through the headband. Takiya and Fafnir were certainly an unexpected addition; the pair seemed to fill out the positions of the white and black mage (it should go without saying who was who.)

But the last member of the heroic party was a stranger to Kobayashi. She was quite young, roughly around Kanna’s age. And just like Kanna, she wasn’t human either – the curled horns and long, scaled dragon tail were obvious indicators. Like the rest of the party, she was dressed in a fantasy-style outfit, seemingly playing the role of barbarian with her oversized axe blade resting on her shoulder. Kobayashi had never seen this girl before, but there was something oddly familiar about her….

“Miss Kobayashi, you’ll never believe what happened to us!” Tohru shouted excitedly, snapping Kobayashi out of her thoughts.

“I probably won’t,” said Kobayashi plainly, “but I’m sure you’ll tell me anyway.”

“Okay, brace yourself for this, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru, pausing for dramatic effect. “We were…isekai’d!”

A long, uncomfortably awkward pause filled the entryway, yet Koabayashi’s bored expression spoke a thousand words.

“Why aren’t you surprised, Miss Kobayashi?” cried Tohru.

“I mean, you guys are already reverse isekai characters,” Kobayashi explained bluntly. “And it’s not like you can’t travel to other worlds of your own free will. So, really, there’s nothing surprising about it.”

“She’s got you there, Tohru,” said Takiya amusingly.

“Shut up, you!” Tohru snapped.

“So, how exactly were you ‘isekai’d’ to another world?” asked Kobayashi. She wasn’t surprised, but she was curious.

“Well, we were taking Lucy on a stroll through the city like we said….” Elma began thoughtfully. “When a lightning strike came down and hit us. Which was really weird because there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky, and it had been sunny the whole week.”

“Holy crap, are you guys okay?” Kobayashi asked worriedly.

“We’re fine, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru nonchalantly. “A little zap of lightning isn’t going to hurt a dragon.”

“A little zap…,” Kobayashi muttered, sweatdropping.

“Anyway, after that little shock, we ended up in a completely different world,” Elma continued. “It wasn’t like the world we came from, even though there were some similarities. I don’t know why, but most worlds seem to be fantasy medieval worlds, which is really weird since they’ve been around as long as Earth has. You would think that at least one isekai world would develop a more futuristic civilization by now.”

“Honestly, if someone made an isekai in a future setting, it would be a big hit,” said Takiya. “Fans want something fresh instead of the same knights and magic story. Though I guess the fantasy genre is easier because it requires less work for world-building.”

“They should make an anime about curses,” Fafnir interjected.

“I think we’re getting off track,” said Kobayashi.

“Oh, sorry, Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru apologized sheepishly. “I wanted to head back home right away, but Elma, being the goody-goody Order Dragon that she was, stopped to listen to some dumb elder’s sob story.”

“There’s nothing wrong with helping people, Tohru!” Elma snapped at her mate. “Anyway, we happened to meet the village elder – “

“Happen to meet?” Tohru repeated sarcastically. “The jerk was the one who pulled us there in the first place! He deserved more than that little bump on the noggin I gave him.”

“You caved his skull in, and he couldn’t remember anything after that!” Elma chastised her, making Kobayashi sweatdrop. “Anyway, after that happened, the elder’s son explained that we were summoned to defeat the evil demon lord of that world…a vile villain named Lord Demon.”

“A demon lord named Lord Demon?” said Kobayashi with an absurd look. “Okay, I know you’re making this up now.”

“Trust me, I wish I was,” said Tohru, shaking her head with an exasperated sigh. “Anyway, the jerk was causing a huge stink, and Elma wouldn’t let us go back because she has to be Miss Nice Dragon. And because they bribed her with a fruit basket.”

“A fruit basket?” Kobayashi parroted.

“I regret nothing,” said Elma bluntly.

“Okay, so you had a stereotypical fantasy quest to defeat the demon lord Lord Demon – wow, that is an incredibly lame name,” Kobayashi remarked. “So what happened?”

“To reach the demon lord’s palace,” Elma continued dramatically, “you have to vanquish the Four Horsemen of Evil, who reside in the Tower of Evil in the Land of Evil.”

“I’m sensing a pattern here,” Kobayashi remarked. “So, how did you defeat them? Were they tough?”

“Nah,” Tohru scoffed, waving off the idea with some amusement. “I just kicked the whole tower over, and they were all crushed to death.”

“Well, I guess that’s one way to do things,” said Miss Kobayashi, sweatdropping.

“Then we wandered around the Evil Wastelands for a little bit trying to find directions to the next dungeon – “

“You didn’t even go through the first dungeon,” Kobayashi pointed out.

“We ran into this big wolf guy named Okami – “

“Why is a wolf villain in a fantasy setting literally named after the Japanese word for wolf?” Kobayashi questioned absurdly.

“Isekai writers are just that lazy,” said Fafnir.

“And he was bragging about how we shouldn’t get cocky about beating the Four Horsemen of Evil,” Tohru continued. “According to him, each of the Four Horsemen only had an evil power level of ten each – “

“Maybe explain this ‘evil power level’ thing first,” Kobayashi interjected.

“And he bragged that he had an evil power level of one hundred,” said Tohru with a bored sigh.

“So, how’d you beat him?” asked Kobyashi.

“Lucy ate him,” Elma stated candidly.

“WHAT THE HELL?!”

“Yeah, we forgot to feed her that morning, and she was really hungry,” Elma explained. “So while that wolf villain was boasting about his evil power level, Lucy crawled up behind him and bit his head off. Then she ate the rest of him while Tohru and I asked for directions from a merchant NPC who just happened to be there for no explainable reason because a good dragon always cleans her plate. Oh, but don’t worry, Miss Kobayashi, Lucy spit out the bones so it didn’t become a choking hazard.”

“That wasn’t my primary concern,” said Kobayashi with a look that mixed disgust with dread.

“After Okami died, the Gate of Evil leading to the Evil Palace opened up,” Tohru continued the story.

“So we’re just going to gloss over the fact that a baby ate a guy alive?” Kobayashi quipped.

“We passed through the Gate of Evil to the Evil Palace,” Tohru explained. “Awaiting us there were the demon lord Lord Demon’s loyal minions: the Nine Evil Knights – all mighty warriors with an evil power level of over five thousand.”

“The irreversible power inflation’s already started in the first ten minutes,” Kobayashi remarked.

“Well, we managed to take them down after this and that,” said Tohru nonchalantly. “Then we reached the throne room of the demon lord, Lord Demon.”

“’This and that’ are all the Nine Evil Knights get, huh?” Kobayashi sweatdropped.

“Then we met the demon lord Lord Demon in his Throne Room of Evil,” said Elma seriously. “He was eating Manju of Evil. I tried some. They were delicious!”

“Again, why does a fantasy setting, which is based on European culture, have Japanese things included?” questioned Kobayashi, touching her forehead with a grimace. She hadn’t even been involved in the insane adventure, and yet she was still getting a migraine somehow.

“There’s a reason ninety-nine percent of Isekai anime are trash,” said Fafnir bluntly.

“Even if you’re right, you really shouldn’t say it out loud,” said Takiya, chuckling sheepishly.

“The demon lord, Lord Demon did his usual villain speech,” said Tohru, shrugging with an exasperated sigh. “You know, how he was all-powerful, how he ruled the world, and that his evil power level was over nine thousand – “

“Now I feel sorry for Okami showing off with an evil power level of one hundred,” Kobayashi quipped.

“Then he went on a weird tangent about how we didn’t have the Holy Cat Goddess’s Sacred Divine Treasure Sword,” said Elma, “and that we couldn’t pierce his body. He went into surprisingly explicit detail about how the sword was his big weakness, where it was located, and how to pass the twelve Heavenly Trials to obtain it, all of which we never did.”

“Why is the villain giving hints on how to beat him?” asked Kobayashi. “So if you couldn’t pierce his body, how did you beat him?”

“I breathed fire on him,” said Tohru frankly. “He died instantly. Then Lucy ate his roasted body while Elma was pigging out on manju.”

“That’s about as anticlimactic as I was expecting,” said Kobayashi, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Okay, so you, Elma, and Lucy went on a magical Isekai adventure in another world.” She turned to Takiya and Fafnir, who had been surprisingly patient on the sidelines with the mysterious child this whole time. “So where do you three come into all of this? Did you get sucked into the isekai world too?”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” Takiya laughed, waving off the absurd accusation. “Fafnir and I were on our way to a cosplay convention in Nagoya. This year’s theme is RPG video game characters.”

“I am the Black Magician from Last Dream XXII,” said Fafnir, gesturing to his simple costume of a black cloak, a witch’s hat, and a wooden stick. “All the name of the franchise is misleading, as there have been twenty-two installments, meaning it is not the last. I find this character appealing because he uses black magic to kill his enemies. I like to imagine they all suffer painful, grisly demises.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” said Kobayashi dryly.

“We were on our way to the train station when Tohru, Elma, and Lucy came back to this world,” Takiya explained. “They already had all this cool fantasy gear with them, so I figured why not show it off at the convention? They were a huge hit with the other cosplayers.”

“I got second place in the costume contest!” the little girl announced proudly, raising her oversized battle axe triumphantly.

“I know I should have asked this from the start,” Kobayashi said to the little. “But…who are you?”

“Silly Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru laughed. “Like you don’t know that’s Lucy. You’re such a prankster.”

“…Eh?” Kobayashi stammered.

“Hi, Mama Kobayashi!” Lucy, the adolescent dragon, greeted her cheerfully.

The bespectacled woman’s brain had momentarily short-circuited as she stared down at the child who, less than twenty minutes ago, had been a newborn baby dragon that had only hatched yesterday.

Certainly, Kobayashi could see the resemblance. The scales on the little girl’s tail was the same shade as baby Lucy’s; she had a combination of Tohru’s blonde hair and Elma’s darker hair; her face had the same roundness to it as Elma’s, but her eyes were wide and expressive like Tohru’s. And even if the curled horns were different from both her parents, Kobayashi had no trouble believing that this girl could pass for Tohru and Elma’s daughter.

But that only brought up more questions.

“WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! HOLD ON!” Miss Kobayashi yelped, waving her arms frantically. “You – she – but – and then – how…. How did she grow up so fast? You were only gone for a few seconds! Is that normal for dragons?”

“Oh, we forgot to mention that time moves differently between worlds,” said Elma, scratching her cheek sheepishly. “While only a little bit of time passed in this world, we were in the isekai world for a thousand years.”

“A thousand years?” Kobayashi gasped in shock. “Did it really take that long to defeat the demon lord Lord Demon – still a lame name, by the way.”

“Nah, we kicked his ass in two hours,” said Tohru with a smug smirk. “But then the people of the other world suddenly wanted to rule the world because they were completely useless in doing anything for themselves. I wanted to leave, but once again, Elma decided to be a goody-goody and waste time helping people.”

“Helping others is not a waste of time, Tohru!” Elma snapped. “I couldn’t leave those poor people to fend for themselves. So, I worked really hard to develop their world, modernizing everything and getting them out of that uncivilized fantasy world setting. It took a thousand years to finish, but by the time we were done, we had solved global warming, ended world hunger, made the world run entirely on renewable energy, eliminated all disease, and made it a law that nobody has to work more than eight hours a day, and there was no overtime.”

“SHE CREATED THE PERFECT SOCIETY?!” Kobayashi yelped.

“And tell them how it all ended?” Tohru urged her mate with a cocky grin.

“Well…,” Elma mumbled, suddenly becoming subdued. “Since my world was done, I thought it was a good idea for the people to choose their next leader, so I invented democracy. Except….”

“Except the dumbasses picked an even bigger dumbass who had no business in a leadership role,” Tohru finished with a loud guffaw. “The moron tanked the entire economy in less than a day, and now the entire world is at war.”

“That sounds terrifyingly familiar,” Kobayashi mumbled.

“So we kinda bailed after that,” said Tohru. “And now we’re here.”

“All that hard work for nothing…,” Elma moaned, hanging her head dejectedly.

“That’s what you get for trying to help humans,” said Tohru, crossing her arms with a huff.

“Well, it sounds like you had quite the adventure,” said Kobayashi, trying to sound upbeat. At this point, nothing these dragons could do would surprise her anymore. “But still, I’m kinda sad I didn’t get to see little Lucy grow up. I thought she was pretty cute as a baby.”

“The author probably aged me up because they wanted to skip all that baby stuff,” said Lucy with a strangely intellectual tone…as she glanced sideways at the reader. “Writing a story where they take care of a baby that only gets older every one hundred years would have been a huge hassle and not very interesting to read, so they just skipped ahead to make me a fully established character.”

“What?” said Kobayashi, fixing Lucy with a blank stare.

“Hey, check out this cool axe I found!” said Lucy, suddenly switching the topic and swinging her oversized weapon around, making the adults lean out of the way of the very sharp blade.

“Lucy, we said no weapons in the house!” Elma scolded her daughter.

At that moment, Kanna came out of her bedroom after finally waking up, rubbing her eyes with a wide yawn.

“What’d I miss…?” She mumbled.

As Kanna stepped out into the living room, the axe slipped from Lucy’s hand and flew across the apartment, stabbing the wall just a few inches above Kanna’s head. The little dragon went stiff, her entire body trembling when realizing how close she came to having her head split open in two.

Lucy chuckled and scratched the back of her head sheepishly until Elma pulled at her ear, scolding her daughter for being so reckless in Miss Kobayashi’s house. Tohru went over to help Kanna, who had passed out on the floor, and Fafnir and Takiya calmly walked to the living room and pulled out Kobayashi’s game system to play an RPG game. And the bespectacled woman herself stood in the middle of the chaos, sighing with exhaustion.

“Yup,” said Kobayashi dryly. “This is my life now….”

Chapter Text

Kobayashi won’t deny that she was still slightly reeling from the events of yesterday: finding out that her roommates went on a thousand-year Isekai adventure and came back in five second, not to mention baby Lucy growing up in a flash. But as with everything that came with dragon roommates, life moved on. After the initial shock value wore off, Kobayashi went about her normal day. At least, as normal as she could manage.

Lucy (who was now the equivalent of a ten-year-old child) was playing Kobayashi’s game system while Kanna was recharging at the electrical outlet. Kobayashi and Elma were sitting across from each other at the table when Tohru brought them each a cup of coffee. Kobayashi was delighted to learnt that Tohru had been keeping up with her maid training over the millennium. The coffee was so rich now compared to what she served before.

“So, about the living arrangements,” Kobayashi spoke up.

“What about them?” asked Elma curiously as Tohru took a seat next to her.

“Your room was originally to share with Lucy when she was a baby,” Kobayashi pointed out. “But now that she’s grown up, I think she should be sharing a room with Kanna now.”

“Eh, but I don’t wanna…,” Kanna whined from the outlet.

“It’s okay, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru. “Lucy can still sleep with us.”

“Sleeping isn’t the only issue,” said Kobayashi after another sip. “Children need a space for themselves without their parents looking over their shoulders all the time. A room of their own will give them privacy and a place to express themselves.”

“But Lucy would be sharing a space with Kanna,” Elma pointed out.

“Yes, a child her own age,” said Kobayashi.  “Children are more likely to be more open with someone their own age than having their parents hovering over them.”

“You’ve really put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you, Miss Kobayashi?” said Tohru in awe.

Kobayashi sipped her coffee and said nothing. It was too embarrassing to admit that she was up late last night looking up parenting advice over the internet. It was weird considering she wasn’t the one with the kid.

“Okay, then we’ll have Lucy move in with Kanna,” Elma agreed; Kanna whined.

“Well, that’s taken care of,” said Kobayashi. “Now, have you two considered schooling?”

The conversation was interrupted when Lucy suddenly tossed the game controller aside with a bored look, got up from the couch, and walked over to Kobayashi.

“Mama Kobayashi, I’m bored,” Lucy complained.

“Mama…Kobayashi…?” Kobayashi parroted slowly. That was also something she would have to get used to.

“Lucy, you shouldn’t bother Miss Kobayashi like that,” said Tohru, opening her arms for Lucy to jump in. “If you need anything, you can just ask Mama Tohru!”

“You dropped me on my head,” Lucy stated pointedly. “Eight times. The first day we were isekai’d.”

“WHAT?!” Elma screeched, pulling her mate into a chokehold.

“You have officially lost your parenting privileges,” said Kobayashi, pulling Lucy in a protective hug.

“GRRK!” Tohru choked.

 “Mama Kobayashi, I’m bored,” Lucy whined again.

“What about the game?” asked Kobayashi, looking at the video game that had been paused in the middle of a boss fight.

“Got bored,” said Lucy simply.

“Remember, Miss Kobayashi, Lucy is still a child,” said Elma, her arm still wrapped around Tohru’s throat; her mate’s face was turning an interesting shade of blue. “She craves physical exercise to the fullest.”

“What’s wrong with video games?” Kobayashi grumbled. “When I was a kid, that’s how I spent all of my time.”

“Well, dragon children have a lot of energy and require a lot of physical activity to exert it all,” Elma explained. “Otherwise, they’re likely to become anxious and jittery. And when that happens, they tend to lose control of themselves and explode (metaphorically, of course.) One time, when Lucy was six hundred years old, she got so bored she ended up flood an entire city.”

“Dragons need exercise – got it,” said Kobayashi sweatdropping.

“I wanna play too!” Kanna cheered, unplugging herself and throwing her arms up.

“Perfect!” Elma clapped her hand, finally letting Tohru breathe. “Lucy, why don’t you and Kanna go outside and play?”

“YAY!” Kanna and Lucy cheer, high-fiving each other. Kobayashi thought it was cute.

“You should come with us, Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru suggested, pulling herself up with the table. “Yes, you should definitely join us!”

“I don’t exercise,” said Kobayashi bluntly.

Honestly, Kobayashi didn’t know what she was thinking saying “no” to four dragons. It’s not like they couldn’t force her to comply if they wanted to.

Which they did.

Kobayashi couldn’t even gather up the energy to care as she was being carried over the ocean, hanging on to Tohru’s teeth by her shirt. She just remained listless as they soared through the air at two hundred miles per hour.

She glanced to the left and saw the wiggling blue sea serpent slithering through the sky and knew it was Elma because of the horn. This was actually Kobayashi’ first time seeing Elma’s dragon form outside of her drunken escapade to the mountains that started this whole affair. To her right was Kanna and Lucy. Kanna looked more like a majestic white bird due to having feathers instead of scales. Lucy looked like a larger version of when she was a baby (which was yesterday), except there was noticeable muscle definition and her curled horns.

And there she was, the only human in a pack of mismatched dragons.

“Yup, this is my life now,” said Kobayashi dryly.

They eventually stop in a familiar sweeping field on a familiar island.

“Isn’t this the place where you and Elma had that spat over pudding?” Kobayashi asked Tohru.

“Is it?” Tohru questioned, tilting her head with a finger to her chin. “Huh, I guess it is. Kinda forgot about that. I just landed in the first big field I saw that looked pleasant.”

“Well, whatever works,” Kobayashi groaned. She sat down, laid herself out on the grass, using her hands as a pillow, and stared up at the sky. “I’ll be here, sleeping off the fatigue from my deathma. Wake me up when you’re finished playing and take us back home.”

“Aw, I wanted to play with Mama Kobayashi,” Lucy pouted.

“Now, now, Miss Kobayashi needs to rest,” said Tohru, wagging her finger. “Human are extra frail when they reach old age.”

“I’m only twenty-five!” Kobayashi snapped.

“You two have fun now,” said Elma sweetly, petting the children on the head. “And play nice, you hear?”

“Okay!” Kanna and Lucy chimed in unison.

Kobayashi heard the dragon children run off until their footsteps faded into the distance. Kobayashi closed her eyes slowly, breathing in the peace and tranquility. After all chaos in her life (or just the past three days in general), she could finally relax –

BOOOOOM!!!!!

“WHAT THE HELL?” Kobayashi screeched, shooting up.

A huge explosion went off in the middle of the field like a warhead had been dropped. Kobayashi was nearly blown away by the shockwave, dirt and grass flying in her face. Kobayashi instinctually turned towards the usual suspects, but realized that Tohru and Elma were just standing there, watching with pride in their eyes. Kobayashi quickly snapped to the source of the calamity where a huge patch of grass had been burned black.

Kanna and Lucy were in the middle of the patch, hands clasped together and glaring as intense energy rolled off their petite bodies in waves. It looked like they were trying to push each other back. Even though Lucy had a few inches over Kanna, the fluffy white dragon ground her heels into the dirt and gradually started to push Lucy back. Sensing that she was losing ground, Lucy threw off Kanna’s left hand, curled her free hand into a clawing motion, and swiped at Kanna’s head. Kanna ducked underneath the swing, turning around so her back was to Lucy, and tossed the other dragon over her shoulder.

Lucy was sent flying into the sky like a missile, spiraling out of control. Kanna, meanwhile, cupped her hands together and formed a ball of electrical energy between her fingers. She thrust her hands forward and released an electric beam like a certain shonen protagonist. But before the beam could hit, Lucy twisted her body upright and thrust her hand out to block the beam. The beam broke off into four smaller beams between Lucy’s fingers, bouncing off in various directions. One of those beams came close to hitting Kobayashi and the adult dragons. Kobayashi scrambled to dodge the death laser, but Tohru and Elma were unconcerned, and were even…smiling.

“Aw, look how strong Lucy is,” Elma cooed like she was watching her baby’s first steps.

“That’s it Luce!” Tohru cheered, pumping her fist in the air. “Show her what you’re made off!”

“Aren’t you two gonna stop this?” cried Kobayashi.

“Huh, what for?” asked Elma, tilting her head in confusion.

“Yeah, they’re just playing, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru bluntly.

“This is playing?!” yelled Kobayashi.

Up in the sky, Lucy took a deep breath inward, her small chest expanding like a balloon. She lurched forward and suddenly exhaled a narrow beam of pressurized water from her mouth. Kanna gasped and dived out of the water as the water beam sliced across the field. Steam rose from the lengthy gash that formed in the grass. Upon closer inspection, Kobayashi realized the field had been cut, but melted like acid.

Lucy’s element was apparently extreme boiling water. A logical combination between a fire and water dragon.

As Kanna rose to her feet, Lucy crash landed ten feet away from her, forming a small crater beneath her feet. The turquoise dragon stepped out of the crater with a big smile, showing off all of her sharp teeth with steam wafting from her mouth like a predator staring down their pray. Kanna curled her fingers into claws as electricity sparked between her horns. The dragon children stared each other down –

“WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!” Kobayashi screamed, jumping up and flailing her arms to catch the children’s attention.

“Oh, Miss Kobayashi’s awake,” Kanna noted; the killer intent between the children had instantly evaporated.

“I thought you were gonna take a nap, Mama Kobayashi,” said Lucy.

“How can I sleep when you two are trying to kill each other?” Kobayashi screamed shrilly.

“Kill each other?” Lucy suddenly laughed. “Mama Kobayashi is so silly!”

“Miss Kobayashi is over exaggerating,” Kanna shrugged and shook her head.

“How did I become the odd one out?” Kobayashi muttered darkly.

“Miss Kobayashi, we told you,” said Elma understandingly. “This is just how dragon children like to play. Sure, they can be a little rough, but they don’t really intend to hurt each other. This is just their way of roughhousing.”

“Roughhousing doesn’t normally change the geographical landscape,” said Kobayashi, sweatdropping.

“Oh, I get it!” said Lucy brightly. “Mama Kobayashi wants to join in, too! You should learn to be a little more honest, Mama Kobayashi.”

“I’D DIE!!!”

Kanna stretched her arms above her head with a satisfied groan, and said, “It’s fun to move around in a human body.”

“Now that I think about it,” said Kobayashi thoughtfully, “didn’t your strength get depleted when you first came to this world, Kanna? When did you get them back?”

“Oh, a while ago,” Kanna admitted. “The source of my powers is electricity, so I got it back after I recharged.”

“So that’s what you’re always doing with the outlet,” said Kobayashi. “Are you made of lithium or something? You know what, never mind. Kanna, Lucy, if you’re going to keep play, please keep it to human standards.”

“We were at human standards,” said Lucy like it was obvious.

“Huh?” muttered Kobayashi, tilting her head.

“When we were in the other world,” said Lucy, “there were plenty of humans who were capable of doing this kind of thing. Like there was this one beefy guy with white skin who managed to hold the crust of the entire planet in place after the Titan was freed.”

“Sounds more like a god than a man!” yelped Kobayashi.

“There were also plenty of other humans this strong in the world we came from,” Elma remarked. “Like that one pointy-eared guy in green.”

“Well, I can safely assure you there are no such people in this world,” said Kobayashi.

“That’s not true!” said Tohru. “I saw it on TV the other day. There were people like that in a film called ‘The M*trix.”

“That’s all CG,” said Kobayashi bluntly. “None of it was real.”

The four dragons gasped in perfect sync, looking they had had been told that Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny weren’t real either.

“Oh, uh, sorry for crushing your dreams,” Kobayashi apologized meekly to the downcast dragons. She let out an exasperated groan as she flopped back down on the grass. “Whatever. I’ll be sleeping in this spot. If you’re gonna keep playing, do it around my level.”

“Okay!” Kanna and Lucy chimed together with raised hands.

Kobayashi went back to cloud gazing, losing herself in her thoughts.

The power of dragons, she thought. I’ve seen it plenty of times now, but it’s still terrifying. If they wanted to, they could do anything to this world and nothing could stop them. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, inviting these dragons to our world.

“Ooh, my lower back.”

“Kobayashi blinked and raised her head a little. She could see Lucy bending over, hand in her spine like she was a feeble old man with incredible back pain. Kanna was lying on the ground, face down and limbs sprawled like she had suddenly collapsed from exhaustion.

“Oh, my back is killing me,” Lucy moaned like a feeble grandma.

“I’m so tired I’m gonna die,” Kanna complained exaggeratedly.

“Now that’s just being mean, but not inaccurate,” Kobayashi mumbled, resting her head back down. She smiled amusingly. “What was I thinking? They’d never destroy our world….”

“Of course we wouldn’t,” said Elma. She and Tohru laid down on either side of Kobayashi; the former folding her hands on her stomach and the latter splayed out spread eagle. “We love this world too much. It’s has lots of good food.”

“And because Miss Kobayashi live here,” said Tohru pointedly.

“That, too.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Kobayashi, a small smile crossing her lips.

“You sure you don’t want to play, Miss Kobayashi?” asked Tohru.

“Hmm…nah, let the kids have their fun,” Kobayashi hummed. “Though I wouldn’t mind playing word chain. Indigo.”

“Gorilla,” said Elma peacefully.

“Lamb skin,” said Tohru contently.

“Intercom.”

“Compadre.”

“Dre…dre…uh…oh, dragon!”

“Ha-ha, you lose.” Kobayashi teased.

“Aw!” Tohru whined.

Another semi-normal peaceful afternoon with Miss Kobayashi’s dragon family.

BONUS

Kobayashi gave Tohru a blank stare as the dragon maid laid out today’s lunch on the table in front of her. It was supposed to be curry, but it was blatantly obvious that Tohru had swapped out of the beef chunks for her own bits of tail meat. Everyone else at the table didn’t have a problem eating tail meat – Elma seemed almost sensual as she chewed bits of her mate’s tail – but Kobayashi was definitely not eating it.

Needless to say, the only thing left on Kobayashi’s plate after lunch was the chunks of uneaten tail meat.

“Gah! You’re being rude, Miss Kobayashi!” Tohru complained as Kobayashi cleansed her palate with a cup of tea. “You only left my tail meat behind again!”

“I said I was ethically opposed,” said Kobayashi bluntly. “Although, if you turned it into ground meat, I probably wouldn’t notice.”

“Then you would have no way of knowing it was specifically my meat!” Tohru argued like it was a very important point.

“I will never understand why it’s so important to you,” Kobayashi sighed exasperatedly.

Chapter Text

So much had happened over the course of the past three days – Lucy being born, Tohru’s father visiting, the whole time skip thing – it felt like a lifetime. But the weekend came and went and now it was the morning of Monday, which means Kobayashi was (reluctantly) on her way to work.

“Have a good day at work, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru as Kobayashi finished putting on her shoes.

“Thanks,” said Kobayashi standing and picking bag. “Try to keep things in order around her. Having three dragons under one roof was hectic enough, but four is kinda pushing it. Speaking, of, where is Lucy? I didn’t see her at breakfast.”

“Remember yesterday when you though Lucy should go make some new friends?” Tohru reminded her. “Well, she said she wanted to get a head start on that and went out first thing at daybreak.”

“Can’t imagine what kind of friends she could find at this hour,” said Kobayashi. “But she’s a dragon, so I shouldn’t worry about her too much.”

As if waiting for a cue, the front door opened and Lucy walked in, carrying a rubber ball up her arm and taking her shoes off at the door.”

“Mama Tohru,  Mama Kobayashi, I’m back!” Lucy announced cheerfully.

“Welcome back, Lucy,” said Tohru.

“Hey, kiddo,” Kobayashi replied. “Where’ve you been all morning.”

“Well, there weren’t any new friends awake around here,” Lucy answered simply, “so I went to the world next door,”

“Ah, yes, the world next door,” Kobayashi nodded along. It was scary how she had already grown used to all of the dragon-related insanity. “So, did you make any new friends?”

“I did!” Lucy smiled. “Her name is Anya! She’s a telepath and her moms are a spy and an assassin. She’s part of a top secret spy mission trying to take down a creepy owl guy from starting a war that will destroy the world! Oh, Anya’s moms don’t know they’re an assassin or a spy, but Anya knows they are.”

“Sounds like the kind of thing you’d see in an anime,” Kobayashi sweat dropped. “So, did you two have fun?”

“Oh, yeah, we played dodgeball – “

In another world, the city of Berlint was in flames; craters in the streets and entire buildings collapsed. It looked like a scene straight out of a war movie. Civilians and police were littered around the park, all of them in varying states of consciousness. Agent Nightfall was among them, slumped against a broken tree with blood trickling down her face. Even the deadly Thorn Princess lay defeated in a crater Yamcha style. And it the midst of the chaos, a little pink-haired girl was trembling in terror at the eldritch horrors that she had just witnessed –

“It was really fun,” Lucy smiled happily.

“That’s good to hear,” said Kobayashi, patting the dragon child on the head before head to the door. “Well, I’m off.”

“Huh, where’re you going, Mama Kobayashi?” Lucy asked curiously.

“Hmm? To work,” Kobayashi replied plainly.

“I wanna come too!” said Lucy.

“Lucy, don’t bother Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru scolded her daughter. “Besides, you and I have things to do today.”

“Things like what?” Kobayashi asked curiously.

“Though she’s over a thousand years old now,” said Tohru, “she’s technically only been in this world for less than a few days. I thought it would good for me to teach her some basics.”

“You’re going to teach her?” Kobayashi questioned in disbelief.

“I don’t wanna!” Lucy complained. “Mama Tohru is an idiot! I want Mama Kobayashi!”

“Listen here, you little brat!” Tohru snarled. “Don’t you call your mother an idiot! Unless it’s Elma – she’s actually an idiot!”

“You dragons have some interesting family dynamics,” said Kobayashi, sweatdropping. “Once again, I’m off.”

“Have a nice day!” Tohru waved cheerfully to Kobayashi. She waited until the front door was closed before addressing her daughter. “Now then, it’s time for you to learn common sense in this world.”

“I still think Mama Kobayashi, or even Kanna, are more qualified to teach me,” Lucy remarked.

“Keep talking like that and I’ll break you,” Tohru threatened in annoyance. “To start with, let’s start with some simple rules.”

They moved from the apartment to an intersection within the city limits. Tohru pointed out a common traffic light as it changed colors, signaling the cars to start moving.

“Honor traffic lights at all times,” Tohru told her daughter firmly with fists on her hips. “Otherwise, you’ll be hit by a car.”

“So those metal moving boxes are called ‘cars?’” Lucy hummed thoughtfully. “Are you sure you didn’t make that up, Mama Tohru. It sounds like something you’d make up to look impressive.”

“I have no idea where you got your smart mouth from,” Tohru glared. “But, no, I didn’t make it up. The humans have been calling them ‘cars’ for a long time now. Can’t tell you where they came up with such a weird name, though.”

“So how do they move around?” asked Lucy curiously.

Tohru froze with a dumb expression on her face. She truthfully had no idea how modern human conveniences work – she’s still learning about the internet, which had now been equipped with “child blocks” by Kobayashi. But if they were only supposed to be blocking children, why does it keep kicking Tohru out? No, wait, focus! Lucy is waiting for an answer! She needs to come up with something so as not to look foolish in front of her daughter!

“Er, I don’t know all the details, but it’s…probably magic,” Tohru excused weakly. “Miss Kobayashi mentioned a special charm called a ‘license’ is required to use them.”

“Does Mama Kobayashi have one?” asked Lucy. “”I wanna try one out!”

“From what I understand,” said Tohru, touching her chin thoughtfully, “she possesses a license, but she does not have a car. Cars impose strings called ‘inspections,’ ‘loans,’ ‘tires,’ and ‘parking spaces.’ So it seems to have limitations.”

“I guess power has a price in every world,” Lucy commented. “But, wouldn’t it be easier for Mama Kobayashi if she just had to carry her? Why doesn’t she just do that?”

“Why indeed….,” Tohru said with a dark, haunted look in her eyes.

“Wow, you’ve been busy this weekend,” Takiya said impressively after Kobayashi told him about her current situation. “On top of meeting the father-in-law, you also got Lucy, who apparently aged up into kid in less than a day. And to think, the most I did was co-op with Faf-kun in the latest dungeon event.”

“He’s not my father-in-law, but that’s about the gist of it,” said Kobayashi blandly. “Honest, after the past three days, I’m just looking forward to a bit of normalcy.”

“So, what’s she like?” asked Takiya curiously. “Is she a maid like her mom, or full priestess cosplay like her other mom?”

“Surprising as it sounds, she’s probably the most normal out of the whole bunch,” said Kobayashi jokingly. “Though she has Tohru’s temper and Elma’s bottomless stomach.”

“That’s quite the combination,” Takiya laughed.

“Tohru said she was going to teach her some things,” said Kobayashi. “Though I’m a little worried.”

“Why? Tohru seems to have her act together,” Takiya praised.

“You think so?” questioned Kobayashi, not sounding convinced. “Well, I guess she’s technically had a thousand years to raise Lucy. At the very least, I feel confident she can look out for her daughter.”

Tohru and Lucy crossed the street headed toward the city park. As they walked along the sidewalk, Lucy noticed a man speaking loudly into a strange rectangular device in his hand, having one looked like a one-sided conversation with someone Lucy couldn’t see. He was throwing around a lot of strange phrases like “For real,” “Are you serious?,” and “I know, right?”

“Mama Tohru, why is that man acting weird?”

“He’s using a device called a cellphone,” Tohru explained knowledgably. “It’s a magic tool that lets you speak to people from far away.”

“Like that telephone thingy back home you use to talk to Granny Lucoa?”

“Exactly!”

They approached the city park where dozens of children and their families were gathered around the playground. Tohru and Lucy stood on the edge of the park. The dragonling looked around where her eye caught sight of the see-saw.

“What’s that thing, Mama Tohru?” Lucy asked, pointing at the playground equipment.

Once again, Tohru was completely out of her element over the most basic of human knowledge.

I have no idea what that could be, thought Tohru, sweating a little. But I can’t say that in front of Lucy; she’ll think her mother is an idiot! C’mon, Tohru, think it over. It looks like a playing apparatus for children…but how does it work? It looks like it uses a principal of levers, but….

Suddenly, the proverbial lightbulb went off it Tohru’s head.

“Isn’t it obvious, my darling spawn?” said Tohru, turning her nose up haughtily. “It’s obviously a training device for catapults!”

“…You have no idea what it is, do you?” asked Lucy, looking at her mother in disbelief.

“What? No! Of course I do!” Tohru sputtered defensively. “This is how human children learn the means of combatting monsters in the sky!”

Tohru looked so proud of her explanation until two human children hopped on the see-saw, riding it up and down with childish glee. Lucy gave her mother a look of endless disappointment.

“…Please stop looking at me like that,” Tohru trembled in despair. She quickly looked around for something that would at least earn her a few cool points with her daughter when her gaze fell on a nearby food truck. “Ooh, look, that food truck over there is selling crêpes!”

“Crêpes?” Lucy repeated, tilting her head cluelessly.

“They’re like thin pancakes rolled up and filled with fruit and whipped cream,” Tohru explained excitedly. “Want to get some? Miss Kobayashi gave me some spending money.”

Tohru orders a crêpe filled with whipped cream and strawberries for her daughter. Lucy looked at the strange confection over with a curious eye. In the thousand years she had lived in the isekai world, she had never seen such a strange treat. When she took her first bite, her eyes lit up just like Elma’s whenever she got her hands on something sweet or chocolaty.

“It’s so yummy!” Lucy squealed, taking another huge bite. “It’s like a Yatagarasu egg!”

“No, it’s more like a cockatrice egg!” said Tohru, taking a bite out of her own crêpe.

The mother and daughter duo ate three more crêpes each before continuing to wander aimlessly through the city. As the hours passed and the sky turned a yellowish-orange hue, the pair stopped at a bench and just watched as the world around them went by. They observed teenage girls in matching clothes laughing at some inside joke, several harressed-looking adult running from one place to another in a hurry, and older wrinkled humans taking their time to reach their destinations. But everywhere they looked, all the humans seemed to have a destination in mind and walked with purpose, never stopping.

“This world is peaceful,” Lucy spoke up after a long period of silence.

“It is, isn’t it?” Tohru responded with a soft smile.

“Mama Tohru, are there dragons here?” asked Lucy. “I mean, from before you and mama and the others showed up?”

“No, it doesn’t seem like it,” Tohru replied. “I don’t know if they went extinct or left for another world.”

“Then…why did you and Mama Elma decide to come to this world?” Lucy wondered. “Mama Elma only taked a little about it, from before I was born. She mentioned you almost died by a holy sword, but wouldn’t say anything more than that.”

“No surprising,” said Tohru, closing her eyes with a worried frown. “That was a pretty traumatic night for both of us. We only made it to this world because we were desperate to escape. I was on the verge of death when I got here, but Miss Kobayashi saved me.”

“She did?”

“That’s why your mama and I are indebted to her,” said Tohru, opening her eyes again with a warm smile. “I decided to repay her kindness by becoming her maid. Meanwhile, we let everyone back in our world think I was dead. We’ve only told a handful of others like Lucoa, Fafnir, and that old hag.”

“So basically you ran away with your tail between your legs,” said Lucy bluntly.

“I don’t like how you worded it, but you’re not wrong,” Tohru grumbled. “But you know, Lucy….”

Tohru leaned forward, resting her forehead against her daughter’s.

“I’m very happy here,” said Tohru. “With you, your mama, Miss Kobayashi, Kanna, and all our friends. Even that crusty old bag and that annoying Takiya. You’re mama and I – we really love it here. And we hope you do, too.”

“Hmm…I think I will,” Lucy hummed.

“That’s good,” Tohru smiled as she pulled away. She jumped to her feet, dusting off her dress, and rounded to her daughter. “All right, enough of the sentimental stuff. There’s got to be more you want to know about!”

“Well…,” Lucy murmured thoughtfully. “I think…I wanna see where Mama Kobayashi works.”

“Um…she might get mad, though,” said Tohru hesitantly.

“So what?” said Lucy defiantly. “I wanna see!”

Tohru blinked for a moment, then chuckled under her breath and shook her head.

“Well, all right,” Tohru submitted. “Let’s go say hello to her. And you know, Mama Elma also works in the same building, so we can visit them both. “

Kobayashi let out a relieved sigh as she finished inputting the last of the code assigned to her for the day. She stretched her arms about her head, cracking her back in relief from sitting in one place for so long.

“Good work today,” said Elma, approaching Kobayashi’s desk with a bottle of green tea for each of them.

“You, too,” said Kobayashi, accepting the bottle. “So, how’ve you’ve been working here for a little while. Think you’ve finally gotten the hang of things?”

“Oh, yes, everyone’s been super helpful,” Elma smiled graciously. “Mr. Yamanashi said I’ll soon be ready to start typing code all on my own.”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” said Kobayashi. “You know, Tohru said she was taking Lucy out today. You think those two are doing fine on their own.”

“I think they’re doing just fine from where I’m standing,” said Elma with a cryptic smile, looking at something over Kobayashi’s head.

The bespectacled human blinked and turned around in her seat curiously, following Elma’s gaze to the sparse waves of clouds in the sky. Kobayashi didn’t even pretend to be surprised when she saw a large green dragon and a teal wyvern sitting on top of the clouds, craning their heads down to peer into Kobayashi’s workspace. Nobody else seemed to see the giant reptiles in the sky, so it was likely they were using that perception-blocking spell so that only Kobayashi could see them.

Kobayashi exhaled an exasperated sigh and said, “Whatever.”

Chapter Text

Saturday – o’ blessed of days. The brief time when the shackles of corporate slavery were temporarily relieved.

And per the norm, Miss Kobayashi had a killer hangover from the previous night.

“Ugh, my had is killing me,” Kobayashi groaned, turning on her side and folding her pillow over her head to block out the world. “Good thing I don’t have any work today. I’ll just sleep it off….”

Kobayashi took a deep breath – in and out, in and out – slowly lulling herself back to sleep….

Which was rudely interrupted by a loud noise coming from the direction of her bedroom door; it sounded like someone was waging a violent war in the next room. Kobayashi curled up and clapped her hands over her head to block out the noise, but then an equally loud racket came from the opposite site; it sounded like someone was playing heavy metal through the walls. Kobayashi buried herself underneath her covers, but even that couldn’t block out the symphony of chaos, especially when a deathly wail from above joined the chorus.

Kobayashi reached her limit. She threw off her bedding, stomped toward the door, and scream, “TOHRU, YOU’RE BEING TOO LOUD!”

“EH? It wasn’t me!” cried Tohru.

Kobayashi did a double take. Tohru and Kanna were sitting on the couch with their hands clamped over their ears and ruckus was still ongoing, so that ruled them out.

“Oh, I guess it wasn’t you,” Kobayashi conceded, then looked around. “What about Elma and Lucy?”

“They’re off buying Lucy’s school supplies,” Tohru answered.

“Oh, right, Lucy’s starting school next week,” Kobayashi remembered. “Then I guess it must be the neighbors….”

“Am I always your prime suspect when anything bad happens?” Tohru questioned.

“Yes,” Kobayashi replied without hesitation.

Another chorus of chaos from all sides pounded into Kobayashi’s skull like a drum that the poor bespectacled woman collapsed sideways on the couch, holding her throbbing head with a grimace.

“Kobayashi, is your hangover making your head hurt?” asked Kanna worriedly.

“Yes,” Kobayashi groaned. “Let this be a lesson to you, Kanna: don’t grow up to be an adult like me.”

“The noises sound like they’re coming from both neighbors and above,” said Tohru. “Would you like me to speak with them about it?”

“Actually…,” Kobayashi hummed. “If you could, that would be great. Just make sure your horns don’t stick out.

“Sure, no problem!” said Tohru cheerfully. “And if they refuse to listen to me, I’ll just murder, dismember, and turn them to ash!”

“No,” said Kobayashi, leering firmly at her maid. “Settle it with words, not dragon breath.”

Tohru’s first victim – um, target – uh, person that she was going to talk to, was Miss Yusa in the apartment on their right. Tohru had only met the woman once when they first moved in, but Tohru couldn’t stomach her presence for some reason. There was just something about her that made Tohru feel…unpleasant. In a way, it reminded Tohru of those self-important gods back in her own world. But there was no way a human in this would be associated with gods or angels!

Tohru pressed the doorbell and heard a soft “Coming!” from inside. A moment later, a woman with long red hair appeared at the door, and she was carrying a silver-haired child. Tohru doesn’t remember seeing the child last time they met, but she has a strange, unpleasant smell to Tohru.

“Hello,” Emi Yusa greeted. “Oh, you’re from next door. Tohru, right?”

“Hello, Miss Yusa,” Tohru bowed respectfully; that was the culture of this world, she learned, for greeting neighbors. Her eyes eventually shifted down to the child. “Hello there, little one. How are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before.”

“I’m Alas Ramus!” the child answered gleefully, holding up two finger. “I’m two years old!”

“Aw, that’s nice!” Tohru smiled at the child.

“Yeah, this is my um…daughter,” Emi answered awkwardly, strangely unable to meet Tohru’s gaze. “It’s a recent thing. I’m currently sharing custody with um…my acquaintance.”

“Sharing custody with your acquaintance?” Tohru repeated strangely.

“Did you need something?” Emi asked, looking to change the subject.

“Yeah, we’ve been hearing some really loud noises, so I decided to come check it out,” said Tohru.

“Oh, I didn’t realize I was that loud,” said Emi, surprised.

“What’re you doing, pillaging?” Tohru asked curiously.

“No, I was just making lunch for Alas,” answered Emi.

The answer left Tohru a little dumbfounded. How does someone generate noise equivalent to a construction crew by cooking?

“Stay here for a bit,” said Emi as she headed back inside, closing the door behind her.

There was a brief moment of awkward silence. Tohru jumped back when a chaotic series of bangs, screeches, and what seemed to be explosion reverberated through the door. It only lasted a few seconds before it stopped again. Emi and Alas came back out a few moments later, the former carrying a small carton of vegetables.

“Here, allow me to share some,” said Emi, smiling as she offered the container.

“Oh, uh, thank you very much,” Tohru replied awkwardly as she accepted, wondering how the hell Emi made such a disturbance cooking stewed vegetables. “And if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you try keeping the noise down. Miss Kobayashi has a terrible hangover.”

“I understand the feeling,” said Emi sympathetically. “I’ll keep the volume to a minimum.”

Tohru moved on to the apartment left of the Kobayashi home, which belonged to a man known only as Rom. Tohru sees him leaving around the same time as Miss Kobayashi when she heads off to work, his hair slicked and wearing a formal business suit and glasses. Tohru got the impression that he was an officer worker just like Miss Kobayashi, so she couldn’t imagine why the mane would be making so much noise.

But when Rom answered the door, his hair was distinctively spiky and he was missing his glasses.

“Huh? Oh, hey, Tohru, what’s up?” asked Rom curiously.

“Hello, Mr. Rom,” Tohru greeted politely. “I was just coming over to check on the noise.”

“Oh, that,” said Rom, scratching the back of his head and chuckling sheepishly. “Sorry about that. My band came over from practice because we couldn’t rent out a studio in time. I apologize for the noise.”

“You’re in a band, Mr. Rom?” asked Tohru interestedly.

“Yeah, want to listen?” Rom offered.

Tohru couldn’t deny that she was interested. After all, Mr. Rom always seemed like a muscular version of Kobayashi (it doesn’t occur to her that Kobayashi and Rom are different genders), so she wondered what kind of music he could play. In the end, Tohru was tempted by curiosity and sat in the middle of a performance by four men dressed like cosplay rock stars that could magically summon colored spotlights from who-knows-where.

🎵 Born in the moment to resolute crimson and scarlet 🎵

🎵 at dawning the crown on the head to defeat. 🎵

“Crow has arrived!”

🎵 Shaken by darkness and hiding in darkness and 🎵

🎵 covered in darkness and forming in waves, of black. 🎵

“Black monster Aion.”

🎵 Searching all throughout the land to find a way to rule 🎵

🎵 over every savage living thing on earth, 🎵

🎵 that's the mind of the dragon fox. 🎵

“Hence, Yaiba appears bearing his legendary dragon sword.”

🎵 Secrets of men. 🎵

"Secrecy is what gives grown men spice."

🎵 That is the truth I tell you no lie. For my name is Rom. 🎵

🎵 Sing on your knees all of you cattle be baptized in our crimson 🎵

🎵 Through your every fate we'll be changed. 🎵

🎵 ShinganCrimsonZ! 🎵

🎵 ShinganCrimsonZ! 🎵

Tohru literally had no words, just staring, mouth agape, as what could only be described as four grown chuuni men, not even trying to comprehend where the spotlights or the black bird feathers littering the floor came from.

“So, what’d you think?” Rom asked Tohru earnestly.

“It was…unlike anything I’ve ever heard,” Tohru responded with great restraint. “Anyway, could you please keep the noise low. Miss Kobayashi has a hangover right now.”

“Right, sorry,” Rom apologized. “We’ll book a studio in advanced next time, I promise.”

The last one was Hanazono on the floor above. Unlike the other two, she was still only a high school teenager. Tohru is honestly astonished about the amount of underage humans living alone in this country. That seems like a huge negligence both on the parents and the Japanese government. Even the Chaos Faction wouldn’t leave their children unattended until they were able to pillage their first castle.

Tohru rang the bell and a young girl in gothic Lolita with an eyepatch appeared at the door.

“Ah, It’s the maid from Miss Kobayashi’s place,” said Yurine Hanazono.

“Sorry to bother you,” said Tohru. “We heard a lot of noise coming from here? What is it?”

“Oh, sorry about that,” Yurine apologized with a sincere bow. “I was making crafts.”

“Crafts?” Tohru repeated, tilting her head curiously.

“Yes, it’s part of my hobby,” said Yurine. She turned to the side to show off a gorgeous handbag made with glistening green scales. “I make all kinds of things. Purses, belts, hats, clothes – you know it. I also take commissions online.”

“Whoa, is that real snake skin?” Tohru gasped, impressed.

“The genuine article,” said Yurine, smiling proudly.

“But snake skin is super expensive,” said Tohru. “Where did you get enough to make a whole purse?”

Just then, Tohru heard something coming from inside Yurine’s apartment; it sounded like a body being dragged across the floor. Tohru tilted her head to the left and spotted a half-naked blonde woman clawing the floor, dragging herself toward the door. I say half-naked because the lower half was a snake’s tail. Although, a huge section of it seemed to have been sliced off by what looked like a butcher’s knife, leaving a trail of blood behind her.

“Help…me…,” the snake woman wheezed.

Yurine silenced her by magically drawing a machete and stabbing the snake woman in the face.

“Was there anything else you needed?” Yurine asked nonchalantly like she didn’t just commit murder in front of her neighbor.

“Uh, just…that you keep the noise down,” said Tohru, feeling an instinctual urge to run away. “Miss Kobayashi is nursing a hangover right now, so would you mind…?”

“Yeah, sure, no problem,” Yurine nodded.

Thankfully, everything went smoothly after that. There were no more loud noises for the rest of the day and Miss Kobayashi was able to nurse her hangover in peace. At least until Elma and Lucy came back from shopping and Lucy yelled at the top of her lungs about all the neat things they bought.

However, the next day brought a new set of problems.

Tohru was getting off the elevator after a day of shopping at the market street when she heard a huge commotion happening right in front of Miss Kobayashi’s apartment.

“You’re the loud one!”

“No, I’m pretty sure that’s you!”

“Or it’s both of you!”

“This coming from the person who has to be the loudest in the whole building!”

Tohru blinked curiously. It was strange to see Emi, Rom, and Yurine out of their homes, but even stranger that they were all gathered in one place, yelling at each other in high angry voices.

“What’s going on here?” asked Tohru, drawing attention to herself.

“The screams from her apartment are way too loud!” Emi shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Yurine. “It’s like a nonstop horror movie marathon!”

“You want to talk about loud?” Yurine complained, jabbing a finger towards Rom. “This guy has hand his band over for several days now and they’re constant racket is driving me up the wall!”

“I’m sorry, but it’s not like I have any choice!” Rom yelled, pointing at Emi. “And anyway, those creepy noises coming from her apartment are way louder! My band can’t even get in a good session because of whatever she’s doing!”

“All I’m doing is cooking!” Emi argued.

“COOKING?!” Rom and Yurine yelped in shock.

“At the moment, all three of you are being too loud,” said Tohru in a huff.

Unfortunately, none of them seem to be considering Tohru’s complaints; they were all too busy yelling at each other and accusing the other of being louder.

Why do humans always keep repeating the same mistakes, thought Tohru, leering at the arguing trio. They’re beyond salvation. I should just kill them –

“Excuse me,” Kobayashi spoke politely as she exited her apartment with uncanny timing. Miraculously, everyone stopped arguing and gave the bespectacled woman their attention. “Can I say something? The problem we’re all having is that everyone else manages to be loud precisely when we’d rather things to be quiet. So why don’t we organize all the times we don’t want to have a bunch of noise driving us insane plan around it.”

“Hmm, yeah, that seems reasonable enough,” Emi nodded in agreement.

“I have no problem with that,” said Yurine. “My hobby time is very flexible.”

“I could help manage the timetables, if you like,” Rom offered.

“That would be very helpful,” Kobayashi nodded. “And those times don’t work out, we can always use earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones.”

Thankfully, everyone agreed and the whole thing was resolved without fire or dismemberment.

“Miss Kobayashi, are you really fine with this?” Tohru asked as they both walked back into their apartment. “These are creatures who haven’t learned anything since evolving from apes.”

“Who do realize I’m one of those creatures, right?” Kobayashi pointed out. She groaned as she laid herself out on the couch. “It’s not a big deal. I wouldn’t mind some much if I wasn’t dying in hangover hell. It’s only natural for people who are going about their lives to annoy other people who are also going about their lives. That’s the definition of neighbors.”

“You’re too forgiving, Miss Kobayashi,” Tohru sighed.

“No, I’m not,” said Kobayashi, staring up at the ceiling. She briefly remembered her old apartment, before she met the dragons. She remembered the silence and emptiness…. “I wouldn’t like thing if they were too quiet, either.”

“Hmm…I guess you’re right,” Tohru hummed thoughtfully.

Kobayashi let out a loud yawn, removing her glasses and setting them on the table before rolling over.

“I’m going to take a nap now,” Kobayashi yawned again.

“Of course,” Tohru smiled. “Good night, Miss Kobayashi.”

And another semi-peaceful day passed.

BONUS

Kobayashi wasn’t sure how to react as she stared at Emi Yusa’s door while it sounded like a bloody battle against hell was being waged inside. She only stared, uncertain, until the door open and Emi came out with a big smile and Tupperware.

“Here you go,” said Emi brightly. “It’s potato salad.”

“Uh, thank you,” Kobayashi accepted politely.

It was delicious.

Chapter Text

Kobayashi exhaled a pleased sigh as she took another draft of her cheap dollar store beer and stare out into the distance from the apartment balcony. After several weeks of chaos between Tohru’s dad, the whole Lucy thing, and the noisy neighbors, it seemed like things were finally starting to settle down. Elma was doing better at work, Tohru was acting like a proper maid, and Lucy would be starting fourth grade next week (one grade above Kanna, as Lucy cheekily like to remind the younger dragon.) For once, it seemed like life was starting to become nice and monotonous again.

And speaking of Kanna….

“Kobayashi,” Kanna’s small voice made the bespectacled woman turn around. The little dragon was already dressed up for bed, but she held out a slip of paper for her. “Here.”

“Hmm?” Kobayashi hummed curiously. She took the paper and read quietly for a moment. “Ah, you got a field trip coming up. You’ll need to bring a bento lunch, huh?”

“Make one!” Kanna practically demanded.

“Okay, sure,” said Kobayashi. This was the sort of thing a child would ask from a mother, and Kobayashi certainly isn’t Kanna’s mom, but it made the bespectacled woman feel surprisingly giddy. “What kind of food do you prefer – “

“Don’t worry about that, Miss Kobayashi,” said Tohru, who had been sitting at the table with Elma and Lucy, helping her daughter prepare for school next week. “I can take care of it. Domestic creativity’s kind of my thing.”

“And yet you still can’t figure out how to work a vacuum,” Lucy retorted bluntly.

“Listen here, you little shit…,” Tohru hissed at her daughter.

“There’s no need for that,” said Kobayashi, feeling strangely annoyed by Tohru’s offer. “I’m better at bentos, you know.”

“What? That’s not true,” said Tohru, her brow twitch with a slight annoyance. “I’m actually the best.”

“That’s funny,” said Kobayashi, crossing the living room and getting up in Tohru’s face. “Because I am better than the best.”

“Well, I’m even better than better than the best,” Tohru replied menacingly, pushing back against Kobayashi, their foreheads grounded against each other.

“Sure, according to you,” Kobayashi grunted, pushing harder against Tohru and pushing the dragon maid back slightly.

The spectators could practically see lightning shooting from their eyes as Kobayashi and Tohru shoved each other back and forth, not even caring that their foreheads were growing redder by the second. It was like watching a pair of rhinos fighting for dominance. The two finally managed to break apart, but the stare down was still ongoing.

“Care to prove your so-called betterness, or are you scared?” Toru challenged.

“Careful there, Tohru,” Kobayashi warned darkly. “You’re good, but you’re not that good.”

Meanwhile, the rest of their family just watched on dumbfounded.

“What…on earth…is happening?” questioned Kanna.

“Looks like they’re about to kill each other,” Lucy commented bluntly.

“Never knew Kobayashi was so passionate about bentos,” said Elma cluelessly.

“THREE-ROUND FIELD TRIP
BENTO MAKING COMPETITION!!!”

With the power of imagination (and dragon magic) the Kobayashi house living room had been converted into cooking show stage straight out of television. Two cooking stations (decorated with child-friendly cartoon vegetables) stood on opposite sides loaded with the ingredients they would be using for the contest. And of course, you couldn’t have a competition without a panel of judges. Kanna was the natural choice for the chief judge because she would be the one eating the lunch, but Elma and Lucy were prohibited because of bias (Elma would obviously choose her mate and Lucy preferred Kobayashi over her own parents.) So they were relegated to the watching from the audience.

As for the other judges, Tohru called in Fafnir and Lucoa. The normally reclusive dragon was surprisingly into this as he steepled his fingers and stared down the competitors like a cartoon villain. Lucoa looked like she was just happy to be involved.

“Hey, hey, hey, everyone!” Telne stepped into the middle of the room in her idol get up, holding a microphone and flashing a wink to the judges. Even though she looked like a middle schooler, knowing this girl was tens of thousands of years old just seemed creepy to Kobayashi. “The world’s number #1 cutest idol Nelly-Chan coming to you live from the Kobayashi apartment! Nelly-chan will be providing commentary for the competition, so be sure to cheer me on, ‘kay?”

“Yay, Lady Telne!” Sumiko, Telne’s manager/roommate, cheering and clapping beside Elma and Lucy.

“What is she doing here?” Elma wondered aloud, watching the ancient dragon dance around and pose for the judges.

“She heard Fafnir got invited and got jealous,” Lucy explain simply. “It was either this, or make her upset.”

“Well, that explains it,” Elma sweatdrop.

“You’ll each make three dishes,” Fafnir explained the rules while presenting a villainous aura. “A salad, a main course, and a dessert. “Strive for victory. I want to see blood!”

“There will be no bloodshed in this house,” Kobayashi said adamantly.

“You’re free to use whatever ingredients you like,” said Lucoa. “Just remember to stay within the budget. The only limit is in Kobayashi’s bank account.”

“Wait, what?!”

“Competitors, to your stations!” Telne announced dramatically. “On your mark…get set…cook!”

Though they both took off at the same time, Tohru used her magically enhanced dragon speed to move between the ingredients, grabbing whatever looked the freshest and started putting them together with so much unnecessary force it caused her workstation to shudder, threatening to break in half. Kobayashi took the slow, methodical approach. She examined the tomatoes that Lucoa had supplied for the contest. They were ripe and juicy (just what you would expect from a fertility goddess), but they didn’t seem quite right for what she was looking for. After thinking it over for a moment, Kobayashi put the tomato back and made a quick to the kitchen to retrieve something from the fridge –

Five minutes later…

“A-A-A-A-A-And time!” Telne announced, swiping her hand to signal the competitors to stop what they’re doing. “All right, ladies, present your salads!”

Kobayashi and Tohru walked up to the panel of judges with their dishes. The dragon maid offered up a giant salad with an assorted mixture of lettuce, peppers, croutons, egg, shrimp, and lemon wedges. And Kobayashi had…two cherry tomatoes on a plate.

“Let’s see what we got here,” Telne hummed, leaning over each contestants plates. “Contestant Kobayashi appears to be presenting cherry tomatos! A bold strategy indeed!”

“Ha! Did you just throw the match?” Tohru laughed arrogantly. “You can’t expect to be a seafood paprika caesar salad! There’s no contest!”

“Agreed, there’s no contest at all,” Fafnir nodded. “The winner of the salad round is Kobayashi.”

“WHAT?!” Tohru screamed in outrage as a spotlight somehow magically fell on Kobayashi; the bespectacled woman flashed a “V” sign for victory. “I can’t accept this! How could my special salad lose to two puny tomatoes?”

“Allow me to explain how you failed,” Lucoa offered.  She opened her mismatched eyes, giving off a threatening presence that even terrified Tohru. “The problem, contestant Tohru, is that you were not prepared because you didn’t bother to learn the definition of a bento lunch. There is limited space your portion size is too large. You essentially just wasted produce.”

The way she phrased that sent shivers down even Kobayashi’s spine. Guess the (former) fertility goddess doesn’t like wasted vegetables.

“She’s scary,” Lucy commented, trembling behind Elma with Sumiko.

“She is the third most powerful dragon in our world for a reason,” said Elma. “If she joined either the Chaos or the Harmony Faction, she could annihilate the opposing side in minutes.”

“What, she’s actually that strong?” Kobayashi yelped. “I thought she was just a lush!”

“Hey!” Lucoa whined.

“Grr…you may have won this round,” Tohru growled at Kobayashi, clenching her fists in frustration. “But the next round will be mine!”

Ten minutes later, both contestants presented their main courses. Tohru presented a delectable humburg steak soaked in ketchup and Kobayashi offered cooked bacon with eggs on top.

“Tohru wins,” Fafnir announced immediately.

“Lady Tohru,” Kanna agreed.

“Definitely Tohru,” Lucoa added.

“Tohru by a landslide,” Telne commented.

“Tohru, and it’s not even close,” said Sumiko.

“Tohru is the only real choice,” remarked Elma.

“Mama Tohru,” Lucy concluded simply.

“What? What’s wrong with bacon and eggs?!” Kobayashi yelled in shock while Tohru pumped her fist victoriously.

“Hamburger is better,” Kanna, the chief judge, answered plainly.

“But bacon and eggs are a delicious staple!” Kobayashi argued.

“Hamburger’s better,” Kanna, the chief judge, repeated.

“Ugh…,” Kobayashi wallowed in defeat. “Then again, when I was a kid, I always asked my parents to make burgers. This sucks….”

“The last round is dessert,” Fafnir announced dramatically. “Fruits and dessert cups are fair game. You are to bring one item without any cooking or prep involved.”

Since they didn’t really have anything dessert-worthy in the fridge and Lucoa couldn’t exactly produce likewise items, Kobayashi headed out to the store to find something. Tohru followed her out when –

“Hey, Tohru,” Lucoa suddenly called her out, stopping Tohru in her tracks. “This is rather unusual, isn’t it? You and Kobayashi don’t normally fight.”

“…Yeah, you’re right,” Tohru mused thoughtfully. “Not since we came to live with her. So why…. I’m heading off now….”

“This is deplorable,” Fafnir scoffed as they watched Tohru leave.

“Aw, it’s fine,” said Telne, jumping up and taking a seat on the judge’s table, kicking her feet. “It’s fine for kids to be like this every once in a while. That just means they’re growing up.”

“Get off the table,” Fafnir demanded irritably.

“It’s the final round,” Tohru muttered to herself as she walked to the market district. “I’m not sure what I’m going to get…. But I will win! Because I….”

Tohru had to pause for a moment…then a pleased smile crossed her lips as an idea formed in her head.

“I’m home,” Kobayashi announced thirty minutes later, coming back from the store with a grocery bag in hand. She looked around at all the dragons (and one manager) sitting around the living room and realized one was missing. “Is Tohru not back yet?”

“She should be back any moment now,” said Elma.

“What’d you get?” Kanna asked curiously.

“Jelly cups,” Kobayashi answered, producing one from her shopping bag. “Here, you can have one. I bought a whole bunch.”

“You realize this fight only happened because you’ve grown so close to each other, right?” Lucoa told Kobayashi with a knowing smile. “You’re fighting, but it’s nothing really serious. It’s almost like watching a pro wrestling match.”

“Hmm, I don’t know about that,” Kobayashi hummed thoughtfully. “Either way, I don’t think it’s a big deal. She may be my dragon maid and all, but she’s my friend, too. It’s okay to fight every once in a while.”

“Your friend,” Fafnir scoffed, shooting Kobayashi with a dangerous leer. “Do you think you’re a dragon’s equal, human?”

“Yeah,” Kobayashi replied offhandedly, completely unaffected by Fafnir’s glare. The reclusive dragon was visibly stunned; Telne snickered openly. “I really do believe Tohru and I are friends. That’s why we fought today…. Good grief, why is Tohru not back yet.”

Kobayashi wandered toward the front door to see if Tohru was on her way back, leaving Fafnir watch her in stunned silence. He always took Kobayashi for an oddity (what other human would hoard four dragons in their household), but she always managed to find way to surprise even the most pessimistic of beasts.

“Close enough to fight, huh…,” Fafnir murmured to himself. “How loathsome….”

Even as he said that, but Telne and Lucoa were watching him from both sides with knowing smiles.

Kobayashi sat in the middle of the hallway, leaning against the wall waiting for Tohru to arrive. Her head perked up as she head the door creak and looked up to see her dragon maid finally returning with her shopping bag on her arm.

“I’m back!” Tohru announced when she saw the bespectacled woman sitting on the floor. “Oh, hi, Miss Kobayashi.”

“You’re late!” Kobayashi scolded.

“I’m sorry!” Tohru yelped. Suddenly remembering that they were in the middle of a competition, she adopted a confident persona. “I’m so not gonna lose this round!”

“Really,” Kobayashi flashed a friendly smirk as she stood up. “Because I’m not gonna lose either.”

Both competitors returned to the living room/gameshow stage to present their items for the dessert round. Kobayashi held out a jelly cup (orange) while Tohru offered…something. It’s looked like a strange amalgam of cotton candy and some type of vegetable on a stick. All the dragons in the room suddenly shot up with flashes of recognition in their eyes while Kobayashi and Sumiko were understandably clueless about what they were seeing.

“Tohru, what is that?” Kobayashi asked curiously.

“Why, would you like to try some?” Tohru offered, holding the…thing out for Kobayashi.

A small part of her knew better that to eat something offered by the dragon – he previous experiences with her tail meat dishes and the spiked chocolates should have been ample warning – but a larger part of Kobayashi was curious. The bespectacled woman took a small bite out of the cotton candy thing and her tongue was instantly hit with a surprisingly delicious tang of sweet and sour.

“Wow, that’s really good!” Kobayashi said in amazement. “What is it? Where do they sell it?”

“Um…the shopping district…I guess,” Tohru replied with apprehensive pauses between words.

“Did she just do what I think she did?”  Lucoa asked Fafnir, looking like she was trying to hold back her laughter.

“Yup,” Fafnir replied exasperatedly.

“It’s a fruit?” Kobayashi asked in surprise as she inspected the object closer. “No way. I’ve never seen this before.”

“W-Well, it’s official,” Tohru spoke nervously. “You can tell her that I won now – “

Any chances Tohru thought she had at winner were instantly dashed when the “cotton candy fruit” suddenly started twitching in Kobayashi’s hand. The bespectacled woman looked down curiously when the “fruit” suddenly grew razor sharp teeth and started snapping violently at her. Kobayashi fell to the ground, fighting off the vicious man-eating fruit while Tohru looked away, whistling innocently like she didn’t see anything. The dragons in the room all gave her exasperated stares while Sumiko was the only one who was actually concerned for Kobayashi’s safety.

“You understand that items from the other world are against the rules,” said Fafnir bluntly. “You’re disqualified.”

“Aw man, no fair,” Tohru complained.

“TOHRUUUUUU!!!” Kobayashi yelled furiously.

But as the bento competition came to a (predictably) messy conclusion, a fissure between dimensions opened in the sky above the mountains on the outskirts of the city. In moments, a massive dragon with green scales riddled with scars came flying out of the portal, making a beeline towards the city while invisible to anyone who might look up. Another dragon appeared a few seconds later – red scaled with a whisker-like mustache. The red dragon seemed to be chasing the green dragon desperately.

“Honey, sweetie, please calm down!” The red dragon, speaking in Damocles’s voice, pleaded to the green dragon. “You’re overreacting – “

“Don’t you tell me I’m overreacting, Damocles!” the green dragon yelled back in a mature woman’s voice. “You knew this whole time and you didn’t say anything to me! I had to find out from my gossip group! From Felicitas of all dragons! FELICITAS! Meanwhile, you had weeks to tell me and you said nothing!”

“But the laws – “

The green dragon suddenly raised her tail and whipped it down on top of Damocles’s head, sending him freefalling to the Earth where he formed a massive crater like a meteor had dropped. The green dragon snorted and continued onward.

“Oh, you are in so much trouble when I get my hands on you, Tohru,” the green dragon scowled. “You moronic daughter of mine!”

Chapter Text

After that whole bento debacle (Kobayashi, of course, proudly winning after Tohru disqualified herself), they were happy to return to some semblance of normalcy. Well, as normal for this household, at least.

Kobayashi exhaled a contented sigh after she polished off her dinner (which, thankfully, did not contain any tail meat.) Kanna was in the seat beside her, finishing the last of her dinner while noticeably pushing the green peppers aside. It was almost comical that despite being an all-powerful dragon, she was a picky eater like a normal human child. Lucy, who was opposite of Kanna, didn’t have that problem and was literally licking her plate clean; a trait she clearly inherited from Elma, who was doing the same thing beside her. Tohru came out of the kitchen after putting away the extra ingredients from the bento challenge and collected the empty plates.

“Oh man, what a feast,” Kobayashi praised. “I hate to admit it, but you are the superior cook.”

“That’s not exactly high praise,” Tohru snorted teasingly. “The best meal you can cook is bacon and eggs.”

“Will you let that go already…,” Kobayashi grumbled in annoyance.

“Kanna, you haven’t touched your peppers,” Elma pointed out.

“They’re yucky,” Kanna complained childishly.

“Kanna, you’ll never grow up big and strong if you don’t eat all your food,” Tohru chastised the little dragon.

“She can already turn into a six meter tall dragon,” Kobayashi remarked. “How much growing could she possibly need?”

“Well, if Kanna won’t eat her vegetables, then she gets no dessert,” Tohru said in a surprisingly stern done.

“Yeah! Dessert!” Lucy cheered.

“No fair!” Kanna complained.

“Just eat your veggies and you can get dessert,” said Tohru, huffing with a prideful smirk. “Trust me, you don’t want to miss it. I made a gelatin – “

But that was as far as Tohru would elaborate when she suddenly tensed up. The plate she was holding slipped out of her shaking fingers and smashed on the floor, leading Kobayashi and Elma to jump out of their seats in concern. Kobayashi was both stunned and frightened to see that Tohru was trembling uncontrollably, her eyes bulging with little pricks in the corners like she was about to cry. Even Elma’s gentle touch to her mate’s shoulder didn’t seem to calm her down.

She was afraid – Tohru was genuinely afraid. Kobayashi never saw her act this way before, not even when her father threatened to take her away. And that just as afraid, if not more.

“Tohru, what’s wrong?” Kobayashi asked her maid worriedly. “Are you all right? Are you hurt? Do you have a stomachache or something?”

But it didn’t seem like Tohru could hear her; she was muttering nonsensically under her breath.

“No, she can’t be here – she can’t be,” Tohru stuttered fearfully. “Did she find me? How did she track me? Did dad tell her? Why now, after all this time? Maybe I can still run away while I still have the – “

Kobayashi blinked dumbfoundedly, unable to comprehend what could terrify a dragon. Her answer, unfortunately, appear moments later with a monstrous roar like a thunderclap and great explosion from the patio.

Elma immediately jumped to grab Kanna and Lucy, diving over the counter into the kitchen for shelter, but leaving poor Miss Kobayashi behind. But either by some miracle or universal intervention, Kobayashi was remarkably untouched by the hailstorm of rubble and glass shards that flew past. Kobayashi was amazed at herself for not reacting to the destruction of her apartment; she really has become immune to the insanity that was her life now.

Kobayashi adjusted her glasses calmly and turned her gaze away from Tohru, who had practically turned into a statue, to the responsible party standing in the hole where her patio used to be.

 The woman who stepped out of the smoke looked remarkably like Tohru if she was a buff protagonist from a shonen anime. Her entire body was practically a wall of muscle riddled in scars, her short blonde hair done up in a pair of buns between her horns, and her green-scaled tail lashed fiercely against the floor, splintering the wood further than it already was. But, as Kobayashi shamefully admits, the bespectacled woman’s eyes were naturally drawn to the woman’s gigantic bust; they were as big as Lucoa’s! If the horns weren’t proof enough, the unrealistic massive melons definitely were:

This woman was a dragon.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding all this time,” the very muscular, very angry dragon lady snarled. “You useless daughter!”

“Mama!” Tohru squeaked in an uncharacteristically high pitch.

“That’s your mother?” Kobayashi yelped. Yup, that’s the part that surprises her.

“Oh, is that you, Lady Longmu?” Elma popped her head up from behind the counter, strangely content despite the situation. She walked out of the kitchen (leaving the children to peek over the counter) and approached Tohru’s mother with a gracious bow. “What a pleasant surprise. You should have told me you were coming? I would have prepared some sake for you.”

A beat of silence passed as the dragon woman, Longmu, turned away from her daughter and directed her steely gaze to  her daughter-in-law. Then –

“Oh my goodness, Elma, I didn’t see you there!” said Longmu with a gleeful smile. Kobayashi’s jaw dropped in disbelief; this woman just pulled a 180 personality flip. “There’s no need to trouble yourself, dear. This was a spur of the moment thing. Though I’m glad to see you’re doing well. Are you eating all right? Does the human world have enough nutrition for a growing dragon?”

“Lady Longmu, I’m already over two thousand,” Elma laugh good-naturedly. “I’m way past my growing stage.”

“Nonsense, you’re practically a twig!” said Longmu. “You should be eating more.”

There’s an ironic statement if I ever heard one, thought Kobayashi, sweatdropping.

“Oh, you must be Miss Kobayashi,” Longmu reacted pleasantly when she noticed the bespectacled woman. She gave Kobayashi a gracious bow. “Thank you for taking in my stupid daughter. I’m sure she’s been quite a handful.”

“Oh, um, no, it’s been no problem,” Kobayashi replied awkwardly, bowing to Longmu in return. She was surprising courteous for someone who blew a hole in her wall, Kobayashi thought. “She’s actually been pretty great to have around. She’s been getting better at her maid duties, and she’s very responsible. Most of the time.”

“That’s kind of you to say.” Longmu said sweetly. Then she had a look like she just remembered something and reached her hand inside her cleavage, digging around for something. “Oh, that’s right, I believe you humans have a tradition of presenting gifts when visiting someone’s home. I think I have something here….”

“N-No, no, that’s all right, you really don’t have to,” Kobayashi held her hands up, sweating nervously while thinking: Do dragons have pocket dimensions in their boobs or something?

Longmu finally found what she was looking for and popped out a large square box, her boobs jiggling while Kobayashi glared at them enviously. She presented Kobayashi with her gift, which looked like a box of manju you would get at an onsen gift shop.

“Here, fresh dragon manju!” Longmu offered brightly. “I picked it up from a famous hot spring resort in our world! I know the owner and she gave me a really good deal on the premium package.”

“Oh, that’s very generous of you,” Kobayashi graciously accepted the gift. Part of her wondered why there were be a hot spring resort in a world of knights and dragons. But after the Isekai episode, she learned not to sweat the details.

“Hey, how come you’re always nice to everyone else and not me?” Tohru complained. Without warning, Longmu slid over to Tohru in the blink of an eye and grabbed her daughter by the face, pressing her fingers into Tohru’s skull. She casually lifted the dragon maid off the ground as she kicked and flailed. “NOT THE IRON CLAW! NOT THE IRON CLAW!”

“You don’t seem you understand just how much trouble you’re in, young lady!” Longmu snarled. “You’ll be lucky if I leave with all your limb intact!”

“HAVE MERCY, MAMA!” Tohru wailed.

“Uh, Elma, could I get some context here?” Kobayashi whispered to the former priestess, wisely deciding not to interfere with the mother-daughter pair.

“As I’m sure you’re already aware, Lady Longmu is Tohru’s mother,” Elma muttered back while keeping an eye out to intervene should her mother-in-law go through with  her threat. “Unlike Lord Damocles, Lady Longmu was very strict raising Tohru while growing up. Tohru said Lady Longmu put her through all kinds of hellish training as a child. It’s part of the reason why she became so independent rather than sticking with her clan like most dragons.”

“Oh, so she’s the drill sergeant mom, huh?” Kobayashi hummed. “Can’t say I relate; my parents were pretty chill.”

“Yes, Lady Longmu was always harsher raising Tohru than most Chaos Dragons,” said Elma. “It’s honestly impressive that Tohru ended up the way she did.”

“Think we should step in?” Kobayashi pondered. “She seems quite volatile.”

“Lord Damocles is stronger, but Lady Longmu is no slouch either,” Elma informed. “Last time she got upset, she wiped out an entire archipelago.”

“That seems excessive!” Kobayashi yelped.

“M-Mama, wait, hold up!” Tohru cried, fruitlessly kicking her legs while trying to wrest her mother’s fingers from her skull. “If this is about the no-interference law, then I’ll tell you the same thing I told father – “

“I don’t care about that crap!” Longmu snapped.

“You don’t?” Tohru stopped kicking, going slack while surprised.

“You don’t?” Kobayashi and Elma repeated in bewildered unison.

“I couldn’t give a damn about those dumb laws,” Longmu huffed in a dignified way. “Dammy is the stuffy rule stickler. And no, I’m not mad about you choosing Elma as your mate. She’s a sweet and cute girl. I honestly can’t see how a well put together girl like her would end up with my moron of a daughter.”

“Aw, thank you!” Elma giggled, touching her flushed cheeks with happy embarrassment.

“”If you’re not mad about me breaking divine law,” Tohru grappled her mother’s wrist, once again attempting to free herself. “And you’re okay with Elma being mates…. Then what the hell are you so pissy about?”

“You know what you did, you idiotic daughter!” Longmu snapped heatedly. “You thought you could keep it hidden from me? That I wouldn’t find out eventually? I understand that you may not think the best of me – that you may even resent me – but your betrayal is worse than a thousand divine swords piercing my heart. To think, my own daughter keeping something so important hidden from me.”

“What are you going on about?” Tohru growled. “What betrayal? What did I do?”

“You know what you did? How could you, Tohru?” Longmu started harshly…but then suddenly turned emotional and let out a big whine like she was about to cry like an anime girl. “How could you not tell me I have a grandbaby?”

“…Huh?” Tohru went slack in disbelief for a second time.

“You’re so mean to keep it hidden from me!” Longmu continued to complain, sounding more like a frustrated mother than a deadly and destructive dragon. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for grandkids? And neither you nor your father had the balls to say anything to me. I had to hear it from Felicitas during book club! FELICITAS! Can you imagine how humiliating that was? One moment, we’re talking about magic pants! And the next, the group gossip is telling everyone about my grandbaby that I never knew about! It was degrading!”

There is a lot to unpack from all that, thought Kobayashi exasperatedly.

“And after all those centuries I spent worried that you’d never find a mate because you’re such a moron!” cried Longmu

“Would you stop calling me a moron, you moron!” Tohru snapped, finally reaching her limit.

“What did you say?” Longmu snarled, reverting back to dangerous dragon mode.

“GAH!”

“So that’s what this is all about,” Kobayashi hummed interestedly as she watched Longmu smash her daughter’s head into the floor, creating an impressive crater in the wood. Meanwhile, Kanna and Lucy came out from their hiding spot to taste some of the manju Kobayashi opened up. “I guess that’s relatable, even if she’s blowing it way out of proportion.”

“Tohru surprisingly inherited her dramatic personality from Lady Longmu,” said Elma matter-of-factly while enjoying a couple manju herself.”

“I was looking forward to spoiling my grandbaby!” Longmu whined childishly, clashing with the fact that she was beating her daughter’s face into the floor. “I wanted to be there when she first hatched! See her take her first flight! Support her when she burned down her first human village – “

“Actually, she has boiling water breath,” Tohru pointed out, pressing her palms against the floor to push herself up.

“Oh, really?” Longmu asked curiously, letting go of Tohru for the moment. “Can it destroy a human village?”

“Oh yeah, she can melt the skin right off the bones of those feeble humans!” Tohru replied with a cheerful thumbs-up.

“Aw, she’s a chip off the old block!” Longmu gushed happily.

Glad to see they found something to bond over, Kobayashi thought sarcastically, sweatdropping

“Mama Elma, who’s the scary lady killing Mama Tohru?” Lucy asked curiously while shoving a whole manju in her mouth.

“That’s your grandmother, Lucy,” Elma answered, stuffing two whole manju in her mouth. “She’s Mama Tohru’s mama.”

“Mama Tohru’s mama…,” Lucy repeated with a twinkle of awe in her eye.

Without a hint of caution despite the older dragoness’s power, Lucy skipped over to her mother and grandmother while they were talking about their previous Isekai adventure.

“ – and then Lucy ate the dumb wolf guy in the middle of his monologue,” said Tohru.

“Aw, that’s so cute!” Longmu cooed.

“Granny?” Lucy spoke to Longmu, uncertain how to address the older dragon.

Longmu blinked and pivoted around to her granddaughter. There was a moment of tense pause as the two dragons separated by a generation locked eyes – red meeting blue…. Then, all of sudden, Longmu let out a high-pitched squeal of delight that made the whole room jump in surprise. Before Lucy realized what had happened, Longmu picked her up in a hug that would have snapped a bodybuilding in two, rubbing her cheek against’ Lucy’s.

“OH MY GODS, YOU’RE THE CUTEST THING EVER!” Longmu cried with joy; one could practically see the anime hearts flying everywhere. The elder dragon cooed and revert to baby talk. “Are you the most pwecious wittle thing. Who the cutest wittle dwagon ever? You are!”

“Can’t…breathe…,” Lucy gasped.

“Aw, you’re such a kidder, just like your mama” Longmu chuckled, somehow oblivious that Lucy’s soul was practically leaving her body. “And such a cutie, too. Unlike you ugly dimwit of a mama.”

“Who’re you calling ugly, you old hag – “

BAM!

“She really should learn to quit while she’s ahead,” Kobayashi commented dryly as she watched Longmu tail whip her daughter though the wall (and scaring Rom’s band.) Just then, the doorbell rang. “Who could that be at this time of night?”

“Maybe the neighbors complaining about the noise?” Elma suggested.

“If they didn’t say anything when Tohru blew up the kitchen, they’re not going to now,” Kobayashi remarked.

She headed to the front door, grateful to get away from the chaos for a few seconds. She opened the door and blinked in surprise when she saw Damocles waiting patiently, his bushy beard and blood–red cloak prominent.

“Oh, it’s Tohru’s father,” said Kobayashi casually.

“Greetings, human Kobayashi,” Damocles greeted politely. “May I come in for a moment?”

“Sure,” Kobayashi answered, stepping aside to let him in. “Your wife is already here.”

“Yes, I followed her path of destruction here,” said Damocles as he entered the apartment. “I hope she hasn’t caused too much trouble.”

“Just a little,” said Kobayashi, made a gesture with her fingers to emphasize how ‘little.’

Kobayashi and Damocles waked back to the living room in time to see Tohru and Longmu engaged in a game of tug-o-war with poor semi-lifeless Lucy as the rope. Elma ran around the pair nervously, stuttering that they were killing Lucy, but her pleading cries went ignored by the two territorial dragons. Kanna was just sitting in the middle of the wreckage that was once their patio, eating all the dragon manju for herself.

“She’s a bit of a handful,” said Kobayashi as they watched Longmu punch her daughter into the ceiling (and into Yurine’s room.)

“I truly apologize for the trouble my mate caused,” Damocles apologized sincerely with a deep bow.

“So…does Longmu hate Tohru or something?” Kobayashi wondered as she watched Tohru dive down and tackle her mother to the ground, giving Elma a chance to snatch away Lucy. “She’s been pretty harsh on her the whole time.”

“I can assure you that my mate loves Tohru with all her heart,” said Damocles firmly while watching her wife use the Iron Claw on his daughter’s skull again. “You have to understand that we dragons live in a dangerous world. We train our young from the moment they are hatched so that they can survive. Longmu was always tough on Tohru, but only because she was scared that something might happen to her. She was determined to make Tohru strong, even if it made Tohru resentful.”

“Ah, I get it,” said Kobayashi. “That’s the dragon version of tough love.”

“That’s certainly a way of putting it,” Damocles nodded. “When Longmu found out that Tohru had not only a mate, but a child, she was overwhelmed with tears of joy. It meant that our daughter had not only survived, but had found love and happiness.”

“So why is she still acting harsh now?” asked Kobayashi curiously. “Shouldn’t she be proud of Tohru.”

“She is,” said Damocles. “But you know my daughter. She allows her ego to become inflated with the slightest praise. If she becomes too complacent, she could put her whole family in danger.”

“But there’s nothing in this world that could hurt a dragon,” Kobayashi noted.

“Don’t be so certain, human Kobayashi,” Damocles replied cryptically. “You are still new to our world and are not aware of the dangers that lie within it. There are many – both in this world and ours – who could do you and your family harm.”

“Like what?” asked Kobayashi nervously. It was hard to imagine that anything in this world that could harm someone as powerful as Tohru. The thought sent a shiver up Kobayashi’s spine.

“For now, it is better that you do not know,” said Damocles. “Better to live your lives in bliss than having to look over your shoulders for the rest of your life. You are a good human, Kobayashi. I don’t imagine you will draw any unwanted attention from those with dangerous intentions.”

That didn’t make Kobayashi feel better. Sure, she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life looking for imaginary enemies in the shadows, but not knowing anything was just as bad. Unfortunately, it seemed that Damocles was done talking with her. He swept over to his wife and pulled her by the back of her collar, forcing Longmu to drop her daughter on the floor, and dragged her away.

“Wait, Dommy, I wasn’t finished!” Longmu whined childishly, flailing her arms like she was throwing a tantrum. “I didn’t get to spend enough time with my grandbaby!”

“You’ve cause enough trouble for one night,” Damocles scolded her. He turned nd bowed to Kobayashi once more. “Please excuse us.”

“No! Wait! I’m not done!” Longmu cried as she was dragged away. “MY BABY!”

The pair left the apartment with Damocles slamming the door behind them.

“…You have a very intense family, Tohru,” said Kobayashi bluntly.

“Tell me about it,” Tohru sighed exasperatedly.