Work Text:
“Kiss Shi Wudu.”
He Xuan stares blankly at the mission showing on the screen while the crowd erupts into uproar, flashes going off and cameras being pointed at the stage. It's sickening, really, and he can't tell which one he finds crazier: the ones who are laughing, amused, waiting for the spectacle because they've seen how much he and Shi Wudu despise each other or the ones who are truly looking forward to it like they think it's some sort of fairy tale story, blind to how horrible the order is to the involved people.
He stays there frozen, knowing the moment he dares disobey and stops entertaining the crowd he will be disposed of. He only reacts when a hand grabs his shoulder, and he doesn't need to turn around to know who is the one behind him.
"Don't you dare," he hisses.
"What, you prefer waiting for the guns to start firing?" He just knows Shi Wudu is rolling his eyes looking at him like he's stupid.
"And if I do?" He Xuan violently shrugs his hand off his shoulder, as if something disgusting was in contact with him, and turns around to face him. "It's not like you are into this crap either."
Shi Wudu is looking at him with an irritated face. The crowd starts growing impatient, and some even start shouting at them, urging them to do something. The other participants are some distance away, looking at them with tense expressions. Some of them may be worried, but it's mostly because they don't want to be involved if a fight really breaks out, not when they are close to advancing to the next phase. He Xuan can't really blame them, since most of them have a lot more than just their own lives to lose if things go south with the show. Shi Wudu must have felt their stares too, because his face grows more stern, the annoyance morphing into calm determination.
He Xuan has a bad feeling about it, and takes a step back, his hand reaching for the knife hanging at his hip, but Shi Wudu is faster. He Xuan is grabbed by the shirt, pulled close enough to have to stare slightly down to meet Shi Wudu's eyes, and he can feel the cold kiss of his own knife, suddenly in Shi Wudu's hands, at his neck.
"Stop being such a loser. You think the rest of us are here having fun?" Shi Wudu sneers. "It's okay if your sorry ass doesn't have anything to fight for but don't drag the rest of us into your problem. I still have to go back home to take care of my little brother, so stop being an asshole and just do as you are told, it will be quicker than whatever you are trying to do by making a scene."
He Xuan stares at him in disbelief, grabs Shi Wudu's clothes with hands trembling from anger, holding back to not start beating him to a pulp. He gets his face closer until their noses are touching, ignores the knife until it draws blood.
"And whose fault is it that I've lost everything?" His voice is hoarse, strained. "Don't you dare pretend you aren't the one who ruined my life. You are the reason I'm here in the first place, and I'm the reason you were dragged here after that, don't you ever forget it. Dying? I might as well be a ghost already. From the moment you messed up with my life you should have been prepared for the worst. If you weren't ready for the consequences you should have made sure yourself I was truly dead."
"That's something we can agree on. I should have done it while you were still here, clueless, and made sure you were buried six feet under like all of your kin." Shi Wudu drives the knife deeper, a trail of blood contrasting with He Xuan's otherwise pale skin, and his gaze seems to hold the same amount of contempt he's being subjected to. "A regrettable oversight on my part. Maybe I was too soft on you?"
He Xuan never expected an apology, he knows better than to expect any resemblance of conscience from Shi Wudu. Still, hearing the word regret from his lips while not showing an ounce of true remorse for what he did to him feels like a kick to the head. He's not looking at a person, he's looking at some hideous monster, a wolf in sheep's clothing that has learned how to blend with the crowd. There's nothing he can do to change someone as rotten as him, nothing that can be done to make him have a change of heart, so it's obvious what the only path left is: Shi Wudu won't change, so He Xuan must be the one to change. If monsters are feared because of their inhuman nature, which people can't appeal to, He Xuan will turn himself into something not even a monster can hope to comprehend.
So, against all expectations, He Xuan closes the gap still separating them and their lips meet. Shi Wudu goes stiff, eyes wide with surprise, and unintentionally loses hold of the knife, which falls to the ground with a soft sound. He Xuan licks Shi Wudu's stubbornly closed mouth, one hand grabbing his face, fingers digging into his jaw making sure he can't back down, while the other covers his nose, using the moment Shi Wudu gasps for air to deepen the kiss. He barely registers the pain when Shi Wudu bites his tongue and bites back instead of stopping, the taste and smell of blood numbing his senses. So even monsters bleed, he thinks when he finally breaks the kiss, his own blood indistinguishable from Shi Wudu's smearing red both of their lips.
"What?" He can't help but laugh at Shi Wudu's shocked stare. "Weren't you the one telling me how I should just follow the script? Telling me your sorry story of familiar love you have to go back to? Or what? Were you really expecting me to be a fool and get myself shot down by the guards for fighting back? Too bad."
If they end up surviving until the end of this sick game, He Xuan wants Shi Wudu to go back to his life, see what now seems like an uncertain dream back into his reach and then be the one to slam him back into the cold ground. He will make sure to crush everything the same way his own life was crushed, make sure he can never take anything back, and if Shi Wudu still doesn't repent after that (he knows Shi Wudu won't, because a monster may bleed, but that won't change its nature) he would make sure at the very least he is scared of what has he brought upon himself with his actions (and He Xuan was never a vengeful person, never was one to play dirty and break rules, but he doesn't have any more blood left to drain and it's not in his nature to let calamity pass by unscathed, even if he has to turn into one himself).
He Xuan doesn't know what victory would look like, doesn't really know what could possibly make him feel like they are even when all he can feel now is this hate so deep it seems bottomless. Maybe, no matter how much he brings Shi Wudu down, it won't even be a ripple in the lake that are his feelings. Maybe he really died the day Shi Wudu meddled in his life.
He doesn't know, but he doesn't care anymore.
The screen hanging above them no longer shows any mission, instead replaying the kiss that just happened, and following his gaze Shi Wudu also looks at it with conflicting emotions. This means the game will advance to the next round and they are one step closer to going back to a normal life.
"Once the game ends, you will go back to your life like leaving a bad dream behind." He Xuan is not asking, and Shi Wudu glares at him for a moment before turning his back to him and the screen, leaving the main stage.
As if he could really leave him behind. As if he would let him do it. He Xuan can't escape the nightmare that his life transformed into, not even if the game ends. For He Xuan, the kiss just now was a promise, the means to seal a deal only him and Shi Wudu are privy to.
He Xuan doesn't know what victory would look like, but he knows that he will follow Shi Wudu outside and will ruin him for good. He can't imagine what would make him feel like they are finally even but today he can picture what will he do when the time comes: he will lean in, close enough to see the despair on Shi Wudu's face, and just like today he will kiss him to greet him into this bottomless pit.